Born for this
by Imagine-write-and-love
Summary: Steve is lost and forced into this new world with no one to support him. He's not really a man of the past nor a modern man. He's between two worlds. And then, he meets Danae. Former US Navy and broken beyond words. With a shaded company like Shield and Hydra's return in Steve's life, how will they evolve through the curved balls thrown in their path ?
1. You're not really here

**_Hello, Friends!_**

**_So it's a new story in a universe that I do not know practically. Obviously, movies and comics, yeah but writing on such important characters, it's hard. So I hope you enjoy this story._**

* * *

_You Have to fight through some bad days to earn the best days of your life. Roche Foucauld_

* * *

It was soothing.

It was my first thoughts as a slight jazz music resonated around me. US.

But that, I did not know it yet since I had my eyes closed. My heart was steady and filled like never for several years and a feeling of relief passed through me from pore to pore. It was almost unreal and probably too good to be true. These last years had really had a big impact on me and my well-being. Physical and mental. Or at least one event had led my life today. It was almost unreal when I heard that hoarse and sweet voice again. This one and only voice that I missed so much every day.

" What are you thinking about ? "

I opened my eyes immediately as I could already feel my heart pounding against my rib cage at the simple agreement of his voice. The bewildered look on my face was predictable as I suddenly fell nose to nose with his sublime dark brown eyes almost ocher that I had missed so much.

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by a sudden urge to cry, and soon enough I could feel the tears running silently down my cheeks as I looked out into his black pools reflecting my own reflection.

A look of concern immediately adorned his tanned features as he leaned to my side on the bed with an elbow against the pillow belonging to him. He gently placed his hand against my cheek, letting me immediately lean in his touch. A flood of emotion passed through me as I let myself succumb.

I closed my eyelids as he wiped the wet trail with his thumb, letting me smile through sadness and melancholy.

" Why are you crying ? Something is wrong ?" His voice sounded so real and so true. "You know that I'm with you. I will always be with you. Shh, Danae. "

I just could not stop the flow of jolt flooding my chest. It was simply impossible.

He was there by my side and yet part of my brain was still there to remind me that it was impossible. It could not be possible. Not after this call, cry, cry and then these long last years of suffering permanently. He could not be here. And yet, I found myself again opening my wet eyes to look at him with a trembling breath.

"Hey." He breathed like a salute with that famous smile that could ignite the least of my pores. " Hello you. "

"Ben." I hugged in a momentum of realization before bringing my hands to take his face as insurance. "You are really here. "

The smile already on his face only widened as he passed one leg over mine before resting his hands on each side of my arms to support some of his weight. At this point, I was simply unable to resist the urgency pushing me to kiss him.

With a simple push, my lips were again on hers as he had never left me. It was exactly like the first times. Like it always was. Most people said that you could not feel those fireworks after a while, but with him, with Ben it always seemed to revive the flame in me. It was as if I rediscovered its flavor with each new kiss.

A slower and more biased part was screaming at me that it was not real. It could not be real. Ben Dimarco died during an Ops in Afghanistan more than three years ago. A ball in the head. A fast and effective death. He did not suffer; the officer had told me in the letter announcing his death. But he was there. I could feel him, touch him and hear my heart respond to his touch in my ears. It was as if he had never left. As if the last three years of suffering and locking up on myself had never existed.

At these thoughts, I could feel my mouth squeeze through our slow and passionate kiss. I ended up opening my eyes again, waiting to see him disappear but he was still there. With his onyx eyes and that brown beard with a slightly reddish glint around his full lips. He had slight wrinkles around his eyes and lips showing how much he loved to laugh and smile. His raven-colored hair, usually gelled and combed back, was slightly ruffled by the pillow. So that he looked significantly younger. Almost childish with that bright smile. Despite his easily intimidating and cold exterior, he was the very epitome of heat.

I caught myself tracing the jutting contours of his jaw to reassure myself before descending along the curvature of his Adam's palm. I had always thought that I was extremely lucky to have a boyfriend-no, a handsome husband. It was a biased thought. I knew he was handsome. Women often turned to ogle him with envy and desire. His strong position and athletic shoulders had always given him an air of confidence that inflamed women. But for a reason unknown to me, he had always seemed to have eyes only for me and me alone.

A slight smile curled my trembling lips at the mere thought as I stopped my hands on his solid shoulders.

A similar smile stretched his lips as he stroked my biceps affectionately before suddenly lowering his gaze on my belly. "How's our future little kick girl ? "

A feeling of panic and anxiety overwhelmed me almost instantly as I lowered my eyes to the huge hump between us. It was not supposed to be there. It could not be there. Last night again, my belly was flat and my brain was desperately missing every day this little life inside me.

Something was definitely not normal.

Nevertheless, it seemed that I was definitely not in control of my words since I found myself saying the exact opposite of my thoughts."Our little _fighter_ is perfectly fine. It's a tough guy. Like his father. "

A small voice in the back of my head screamed in alarm but I was visibly more in control as I found myself rubbing gently this little bump with affection. I found myself looking helplessly as Ben stooped to drop a chaste kiss along my belly button.

However, it was before suddenly jumping at the agreement of a detonation. I froze at the same time as Ben before I found myself watching in shock and total agony as he slowly raised his head to look at me. I felt the hot liquid drip on me even before I was fully aware of the bullet hole clearly embedded in his forehead. His eyes wide and his lips wide open in an O under the shock of impact.

It was at this moment that I started screaming with all my strength.

* * *

"Dee! Dee! Wake up ! "

The feeling of my hands gripping my shoulders was the first thing my brain registered. Then this was the place where I was as I was going up in a sitting position. My apartment.

I tried to drown the erratic beat of my heart as I scanned the surroundings of my room before finally stop my alert look on the blonde currently in front of me. Her brown doe eyes were wide and visibly panicked as she tried as best, she could to communicate through my misty haze.

Nevertheless, I was not slow to discern her voice. "Dee, do you hear me? It's me, Kate. It's just a nightmare. "

I opened my lips with the intention of reassuring her but the feeling of my raw vocal cords stopped me in my action. Kate noticed my action as she released my shoulder before landing on the free space at my side to give me time to regain my senses. It had become a habit for her now and I almost felt bad about imposing it on her every day.

Only, I warned on the announcement that this kind of occurrence could happen. She had made that choice and every state of consciousness.

That famous doe looks soon turned into that of the experienced nurse as she watched me before getting up in silence. My condition seemed stable enough for her as I watched her back pass through the door leaving me alone.

I immediately rushed to the bottle of water on my nightstand before leaning over to open the top drawer. I rushed to the small orange bottle of medicine before jumping the hood with my thumb. I hurried to pour two small pills into the palm of my hand before putting them on my tongue. I threw my head back, closing my eyes to swallow them before taking another breath to calm myself down.

It was not the first time I had this kind of nightmare. To tell you the truth, I had been having nightmares almost every night for three years now. It had become a common occurrence now. So much that I could only feel apathy in response.

Once I was sure that the trembling of my hands had stopped, I decided to examine the physical damage. Not surprisingly, I could feel a thin layer of sweat along my body making me wince in disgust. I shook my head with a slight sigh before looking at my phone lying on the bedside table. I put my thumb on the center button to turn it on before giving a faint growl between my lips at the sight of the hour.  
Great, four and a half. I assumed that I could just as easily start my day earlier.

I pulled the blanket down my legs before taking a moment to sit on the side of my bed. I put my elbows on my thighs as I took my face between my hands before rubbing my eyes to wipe the fatigue. The feeling of the wooden floor under my feet made me shudder slightly. I ended up getting up to my dresser before pulling out a pair of khaki cargo pants with a pair of underwear and a simple navy t-shirt before crossing the living room overlooking the kitchen on the way to the bathroom.

I could feel the scrutinizing glance of my roommate silently follow me as I opened the door before closing it behind me without a sign of recognition. I put my pile of clean clothes on the toilet lid before undressing. I made a point of not crossing my eyes through the mirror as I dropped my pjs on the floor in a dirty pile before turning the faucet of the shower. I did not even wait for the water to heat up to jump in and tried to stay under the freezing jet.

I closed my eyes as I let the cold sneak along my limbs in a futile hope of erasing the reminiscences of his touch. I could feel the icy water beaded along my shoulders, my back, my kidney drops and to finish my legs before disappearing into the drain.

I could feel the tremors under my skin as I bit my lower lip so hard that I could taste the blood along my tongue. The taste was bitter and far too close to my previous dream. I shivered despite myself before squeezing my fingers in a fist against the tiled surface of the shower. I was trying to take soothing inspirations as I struggled against the swirling emotions deep in my stomach.

I allowed to move only when I could feel this famous invisible hood enclosing the least bit of emotions inside my chest. At this point, the water had already warmed up to leave a sharp abrasion along my skin. It affected me only slightly as I took a moment to rub the soap along my body before taking a break despite myself on my flat stomach. A slight hormonal bump was still present where there had once been a life letting me fight again against my own agonizing emotions.

I hastened to then go to my hair with a shampoo without scent and then a conditioner before cutting the water. I pulled the shower curtain with a frank gesture before wrapping a fluffy towel around my naked body.

I continued to ignore my reflection as I positioned myself behind the mirror to get dressed before brushing into my messy curls. I took a moment to readjust the sticky clothes to my wet skin before finally venturing out to the smell of pancake and scrambled eggs hovering from the kitchen and into the living room.

Not surprisingly, Kate sat at the bar with a cup of coffee in her hand and a fork full of bacon in the other while her eyes were on yesterday's newspaper. I passed her without a word in the direction of the cupboards for a mug before serving me a cup of coffee. I was a real addict to bitter liquid for three years now. That's and the pills were the only ones that allowed me to advance to almost everything.

"I would advise you to take a tour of the hospital for your night terrors and ... well everything that you get but I have already done too much."

I froze at the intervention visibly exhausted by my attitude of the blonde before tightening my grip on my mug.

I did not know the plate of prepared breakfast before leaning back against one of the counters as I took a sip while I measured Kate over my mug. "It's yesterday's paper."

Kate froze her hand between two pages to my insensitive ignorance before shaking her head with a controlled breath. I had always been envious of her ability to control her emotions. For a nurse she was incredibly endowed with self-control. There was a time when I doubted, she was even a nurse, but I simply did not have enough interest in questioning her behavior. I only did this for my clients and they paid me. I simply did not have enough interest in my own life to learn more about my roommate. She offered me a rent and helped me keep this damn apartment. It was the only thing I was still able to keep even though I had once shared it with ...

I felt the tremors again along my hands, letting me focus my attention on my cup. The amber brown liquid ricocheting dangerously against the walls threatened to overflow. I clenched my jaw in a last attempt to control my emotions before giving a new look at the blonde in front of me. The latter already had her eyes on my hand with an expression knowing before raising her eyes to meet my eyes.  
I could see the words on the tip of her tongue letting me hold her gaze defiantly.

She seemed to take a moment to think before finally turning her eyes to the newspaper, shaking her head. It was just about how all our conversations ended.

If there was really a conversation.

I was not really invested enough to even have real conversations. The only people able to maintain any connection with me were the fingers of one hand and one of them was dead.

I swallowed at the mere thought before swallowing the rest of my coffee in one go. I finally put the cup in the sink before taking the plate to lay it in front of Kate on my way. The blonde said absolutely nothing but I could once again feel her eyes on my back as I locked myself in my room again.

I pulled on my pair of lace-up ankle boots, ignoring the picture of a once happy couple lying on my dresser before emerge again in the living room. I was taking a thermos of coffee as Kate was busy gulping down my supposed breakfast before heading to the front door. I put on my bombers with a hood before grabbing my backpack and my baseball cap. I threw the thermos in the bag without care before putting it closely followed by my cap. I made sure to get my phone, my wallet, my apartment keys and my little template before wishing Kate a good day over my shoulder.

I was not even spying a single glance on the door to the right of the neighbor as I hurried down the stairs before feeling a deep sense of relief at the feeling of the Washington wind blowing in my face. I held a faint shiver before launching on the sidewalk still empty of passersby.

The trip to my little office was barely a ten-minute affair, finally letting me breathe. I left the badge on closed since it was still dark before heading straight for my oak desk. I leaned heavily against the rolling office chair by removing my bombers and cap and sweeping the entire work area.

After the consequences of Ben's disappearance, I had to find a way to stay out of the water. This was how I decided to drown myself in work instead. First, I had to leave the army since it was impossible for me to stay in such a place in my state. Then ... well, I just had to put to work my talents as an annoying man. I felt a certain satisfaction in releasing my anger and this deep feeling of injustice by pinning the cheaters and liars of this state.

Unfortunately, my services were probably not going to be needed at six in the morning. I contemplated the idea of simply going through my already existing cases only fatigue and the weight of my previous dream suddenly resurfaced. I could already feel my eyes close before I really understood what was going on.

* * *

The next time I was awake it was not by my roommate worried but by a timid and uncertain knock against the glass of my office door. I took a moment to regain control of my surroundings before putting my eyes on the shadow visible through the tile. I readjusted on my seat before cracking my neck at the feeling of my muscles stretched along my shoulders. I then stood up, being careful not to bump into the pile of files leaning precariously on the edge of my desk before stopping in front of the door to greet my first client of the day.

A woman in her mid-thirties with heavy pockets under her eyes and a visibly embarrassed mine. She barely reached my shoulders with her little heels and seemed more leaning towards a slight overweight. A messy bun at the base of her neck, she seemed to have given up wanting to take care of her. My guess, she was running out of time with her three children. They were probably between one and ten years old. She had a slight vomit stain on her right shoulder, a salt-dime keychain probably made for Mother's Day, and a registration form for a junior football team pointed the tip of the record she was holding tight against her chest.

After the last three years, I was almost foolproof to point the reason for their coming. And I was ready to cut my hand that this woman was here to look for proof of her adulterine husband to reinforce her divorce petition.

"I'm sorry, I didn't make an appointment but-"

"I don't take on appointment." I interrupted her in a professional and detached voice, raising a slightly surprised look of the woman.

I took a step aside to allow her to enter before following her back as I closed the door behind me.

It was time to face a new day.

* * *

Two weeks.

Two weeks that I tried to take this little recidivist hand in the bag.

_**Name: Cassidy Ryan  
**_

_**Age: 17 years old  
**_

_**Activity: student  
**_

_**Crime: Suspected of being an escort  
**_

I was trying to stay on the sidewalk opposite of the object of my spinning. She was my last case of the day and if I could finally have the picture and the location that would close this case then I could finally close shop for the day.

I was jaded and tired with this case. This girl had wandered me for almost two weeks now and I had to get this picture before I lost the rest of my patience. I was very far from being patient and I hated waiting for my clients.

I hastened to hide between the passersby as she glanced in my direction before lowering my head pulling my cap a little more on my face. I plunged my hands into the pockets of my jacket before resuming my walk along the redhead on the other sidewalk. I had searched through the majority of DC's slums and had finally managed to get my hands on her. She was obviously not made for paranoia. She seemed already on the verge of cracking if I thought her gaze continued over her shoulder. And I did not even talk about bursts on every corner. She was nervous and wisely.

I raised my head briefly to watch her next move just to stop me in my step. She was finally going to crack. I could feel it in my bones. I immediately rushed to the first pedestrian crossing on my way. I scarcely looked to the right and to the left as I went in pursuit of little Cassidy before entering in my turn in the cheap hotel she had just entered.

It was the kind of case that had the gift of getting me out of apathy and replacing it with anger and indignation. How could a girl like her come to such an end? Especially when her parents had the means to offer them ten times my services.

I tried to keep my head clear as I approached the familiar receptionist before ringing the bell on the counter. My eyes went instantly to the stairs to the rooms on the left, but I tried to turn to Gladys with a placid expression.

I had enough business to know most of the shabby hotels in DC and the Sun & Set was definitely one of them.

The old woman behind the counter was quick to raise her head bored before wrinkling her wrinkles further in an expression of discontent at my sight. "Oh no, not this time. Get out of my hotel, vulture! "

I rolled my eyes knowingly before reaching for the envelope in my back pocket. I slid on the counter in a gesture of impatience before pushing me off the latter with a raised eyebrow in waiting. Gladys immediately grabbed the envelope with avarice before counting so discreetly the bills inside.

" How can I help you ?" She asked with a sweet voice.

I gave her a cold look at the sight of her fake smile before going straight to business. "A kid. 17 years. Redhead. She came right before me."

A look of recognition swept over the woman's swollen face before she quickly typed on her keyboard in search of the room. "What did she do ? Third party of adultery? Runaway?"

"Just give me the room. "

"Good, good." She grumbled with an attitude that left me cringing in annoyance before straightening up as she glanced sideways. "She's in room 118 on the ground floor. If you stand on the balcony in front of the 202, you can have a view on its window."

I left a faint, sober smile on my lips as I nodded my head in understanding before heading straight for the rooms. I heard briefly Gladys remind me how much it was a pleasure to do business with me before immersing myself completely in my task. I ran up the stairs before quickly reaching the second floor with one hand on one of my backpack stripes. I looked at the number of the first door before continuing to walk to room 202. At the sight of the latter, I stopped before I immediately lean against the rusty balcony rail. I made a point of avoiding touching it by mere self-preservation before looking for the room where Cassidy was now.

As expected, the window of the 118 soon came into view and a shared feeling between satisfaction and disgust crossed my mind as I realized that the redhead did not pull the curtains. I could see her through the window. She was currently in the process of putting on her socks going with her corset. A repulsive mine crossed my face as I shook my head to the youth of today.

How my life had changed during the last three years. Before I was a wife, soon a mother and a respected US Navy and now, I found myself chasing kids in cheap motels for their wealthy parents. The simple thought woke the anguished tremor along my limbs leaving me again in an emotional struggle.

I quickly took out my pack of cigarettes in a last desperate attempt to calm my nerves before lighting the white nicotine stick between my lips. The sensation of smoke traveling along my system was enough to soothe the tremors in a simple itch under the skin. I took a fresh breath before stuck the cigarette between my lips to adjust my glasses equipped with a small surveillance camera on the right branch. It was a little gadget that had cost me an arm on the black market but that was what made my efficiency.

Once adjusted, I took the nicotine stick between my fingers before stiffening at the sight of a man heading for room 118.

"Here we go." I whispered in a puff of smoke before throwing the half-consumed stick on the concrete floor.

I trampled it to turn it off before reaching the camera activation button on the branch. I took my phone out of the pocket of my jacket before moving closer to the metal rail to lean over. I pretended to be playing with my phone while tilting my head slightly as in reality, my eyes were on the transaction taking place downstairs.

I pressed several times to take different shots in succession before shaking my head in irritation as I watched Cassidy languidly kissing the junk downstairs. This bastard was at least double of her age and seemed barely embarrassed by the demonstration of affection.

It was sickening.

Hopefully, this case would not only end with the shutdown of Cassidy's activities but also a lawsuit. At least, that was unlikely with the type of family that had hired me. I assumed it was one of those cases where the police would find an anonymous pack on their doorstep. I watched as the duo disappeared behind the walls of renting room papers before straightening up as Cassidy finally closed the curtains.

With one last disillusioned look at door 118, I turned off the camera before turning on my heels to the stairs. The kiss, the location and the sexy underwear were enough for my client.

The drive to my quiet apartment in one of the quieter areas of DC was relatively smooth. Of course, I had smoked more than one cigarette on the way home. It seems like one of these days. A day when nightmares and the harsh reality of my situation were harder to forget.

I took the steps leading to the lobby taking a deep breath and tried to remind me of Kate's schedule in the hope that she still had a change at the hospital tonight.

However, my hopes were not long in being destroyed as her soft and cheerful voice soon reached my ears during my ascent. She seemed in a discussion letting me frown despite myself since she could only talk to one person. I did not really know him, but I knew from a reliable source that she had an eye on our neighbor. At least, that's what I'd deduce from the two times she came home from laundry with a broad smile on her lips and an almost suspicious attitude. Once again, I could not help but notice that Kate seemed to be wearing two facets. She seemed much more down to earth and control with me while if I thought her tone now, she seemed more enthusiastic and ... flirting?

I held back a shudder as Kate seemed to think that talking about her job was a good conversation object. Well, I assumed I was not really in a position to judge what was a good topic of conversation or not. although that did not really worry me since I had completely and scratched out any type or form of relationships in my life. As I had already said, only a person counting on the fingers of a hand made up my life. And the rest consisted of a business relationship. It also meant that I definitely did not want to go through the presentation stage.

With this idea in mind, I lowered my cap a little more to hide my face before finishing up the steps with a quick step.

Unfortunately, I was not long in perceiving a huge obstacle in the form of a broad and muscular back of our probable neighbor. He wore a brown leather jacket and seemed cut into a rock. His broad shoulders took up the entire space of our hallway and I did not speak my steps of the rest of his body visibly carved.

I took a moment to examine the situation, the blond obviously still unaware of my presence as he let a faint laugh in response to a comment from Kate. I even wondered if he could feel me behind with all those muscles. Certainly, they had to act as a sort of barrier of sorts.

Conversely, Kate soon saw me hovering behind immediately giving a wide look of the blonde giving me the exact moment of action. "Oh, Dee-"

"Move!" I grumbled, snapping the blond of the passage with a shoulder shot.

I had to admit that I was a little disappointed to have barely managed to move him but I did not dwell on it as I hastened to overtake Kate before returning to the safety of our apartment under the bewildered eyes and confused of the duo.

* * *

Kate or rather Sharon was literally in a bind as she watched as Danae tried to push the Captain with a rude grunt before completely disappearing into the safety of their apartment.

True, she was used to the rude and apathetic behavior of her roommate but she had to admit that she did not think she would go that far with the Captain. Certainly, she must have recognized him. The latter seemed visibly confused by what had happened since he glanced over her shoulder with a frown.

Anyway, she hastened to turn to Steve with an astonishment that was not skewed for once and hastened to apologize. "I'm really sorry for her. It's Danae. My roommate. She's not like that usually. "

"This is your roommate?" The Captain wondered despite his usually courteous behavior.

Kate winced as an answer before letting her shoulders fall into defeat. "In fact, it's a lie. She's always like that. But, she's really a good person in the background. "

Kate found herself staring at the Captain's doubtful expression as she tightened her grip on her basket of clean linen before wincing again in the confession. "She doesn't let many people approach her. "

This time, a look of understanding seemed to pass over the perfect features of her charge as he nodded his somewhat uncertain head. "I guess I'll have to take your word."

"Yeah, it looks like it." Kate nodded with a somewhat forced smile.

She appreciated these moments more and more with the Captain and she began to doubt more and more about the accomplishment of this mission. She knew he would probably feel betrayed if he ever learned of her role. Unfortunately, it was her job and he was her mission. She had to protect him. The simple thought reminded her of the other person behind her door. She knew she would be upset if she learned about her betrayal. She had bonded a semblance of relationship with her over the last year and Danae was not particularly anyone's person.

On the contrary, she seemed to keep the world at arm's length.

* * *

I had to admit that it was not the best way to meet our neighbor but I could not find a single ounce of remorse in me. Or even of interest for what it's worth.

I had just faced a day full of interactions. Interaction of business but still interactions. And I just had one wish, to wrap my case on Cassidy and maybe swallow enough Benzodiazepine to sleep without dreaming of the life I once had.

I let a sigh leave my lips as I could feel that tingle again along my limbs at the plausible meeting before heading to the kitchen. I had a tumbler from the cupboard before moving to the sink to fill it up just as Kate made her appearance.

I was not long in crossing her glance of an almost amber brown immediately raising an annoyed expression of the blonde as she pointed the closed door over her shoulder. "It was really necessary? "

"He blocked the way." I replied, nonchalantly shrugging my shoulders before turning to take a sip of water.

Not surprisingly, the blonde immediately gave me a disillusioned look before crossing her arms on her chest. "Do you even know who he is? "

I raised an eyebrow in total indifference to her question before trying briefly to remember his face for any sign of recognition. Except that I really could not take a good look at his face. Only his back and what an incredible back. The guy was probably on steroids. I never imagined that an addict of the gym is the type of Kate. I never had anything against muscular guys, on the contrary. I had always had a little fondness for well-chiseled men. Well ... Ben, he was a pretty good example.

I suddenly felt the urge to light another cigarette. Except that we had a rule well transcribed in the apartment and I had no desire to cross the living room to return to my room to reach the fire escape.

So instead, I took a deep breath before focusing on Kate again as she let a sigh pass over her lips. Oh right, she was talking to me.

"Sorry, what did you say? "

"Ok, first, don't say sorry if you're not." The blonde commented with slight authority in her tone making me almost flinch as I took a seat on the couch. "Then it was Steve Rogers. "

Unfortunately, this little piece of information did absolutely nothing to enlighten me more about the identity of our corridor neighbor.

Nevertheless, I strove to display a false mine of achievement as I put my glass on our coffee table. "Right, Steve Rubber. Our next door neighbors. You already told me about h-"

I expected to hear more of Kate's reprimands, but my statement was only followed by a door slam that made me jump slightly. I sat up on the couch in surprise before giving a look at the bedroom now closed to the blonde.

Unfortunately, the mere sight of this door was enough to turn the simple tingling into an unsustainable itch. In a simple fluid movement, I found myself standing before crossing the living room in my room. I was running straight for my jacket on my bed before removing the pack of cigarette in a hurry. I could feel my heart speeding up under my ribcage and a light sweat had already made its way down my forehead.

Trying to cling to the last straws of control that I had, I went straight to the emergency staircase before leaving a gasp of relief from the moment the nicotine entered my system. I was careful not to burn myself as I distractedly massage the temple with the hand holding the bad stick. I took another breath, letting the tip glow bright red before removing the stick from my lips to release the smoke in my lungs.  
It had become a latent habit in my limbs now.

My gaze drifted slightly towards the roof of our apartment building hovering on the left side of the fire escape. It was open in full view of all of DC and obviously inaccessible. It was probably the only thing I had come to regret once we bought this apartment. I was always the first to remind Ben that ... I envied a beautiful view of a roof.

He had promised to find us a beautiful house with an accessible roof.

I wrinkled my lips at the mere thought before continuing assiduously, almost mechanically another puff of my cigarette.

Much too early for my taste, the bitter and pungent taste of my cigarette increased, allowing me to take a final inhalation before extinguishing it in the ashtray lying precariously on the edge of my window. It was already far too busy for the usual standards but I was not really paying attention as I walked through my window again to return to my room.

I might as well try to delay the inevitable by a little extra work.


	2. I'm gonna punch you

**_Hey, so here's the second chapter._**

**_I hope to hear your opinion as soon as possible. _****_Thanks to those who have already taken the time to read this story and comment on it. _**

**_I must confess that I spend time trying to get Steve's character in the most authentic way possible so I hope he stays true to his character._**

* * *

_An arrow can only be shot by pulling it in backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that's it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus. And keep aiming. Anonymous._

* * *

The second time I came across our neighbor was not really my brightest moment. Or even the most revealing of my best side.

It was one of those nights. Those where I thought I had finished my day but a simple beep on my work computer was enough to put me directly in the game.

Unsurprisingly, I had given up trying to finish dinner for Kate right in the middle and was quick to turn off the gas before going straight to my computer. I was not even really paying attention to the world around me as I focused only on the next task.

Declan Monagan.

Finally, I held him.

I held an exclamation of joy at the sight of the photo of my facial recognition system flashing on my screen before I jumped instantly into the preparation. I rushed on my dresser to change my usual sleep habit and quickly put on cargo jeans with pockets along my thighs before putting on a simple Camel long-sleeved sweater. I pulled my hair a dark brown hazel from my collar before quickly donning a leather jacket and my loyal combat boots. I knew full well that I had plenty of time to pin him, but this asshole had to answer the justice. And as soon as possible.

According to my search system, the bastard had made a reservation at a posh restaurant in the most beautiful business district of DC. I already dreaded having to meet dozens of politicians.

Nevertheless, I was sufficiently apathetic to the world around me to be able to manage some arrogant paper scrapers. Even more those who thought they could openly break the law and get away without a scratch.

I left my computer on as I left my room before heading straight for the entrance closet. I immediately slipped on my improved glasses before nonchalantly throwing my backpack over my shoulder on my way to the exit. I did not really bother to warn Kate, she was used enough to see me leave the apartment in a hurry to follow a trail to know it was one of those nights.

I could feel the arch of my little template bouncing against my fall of the kidney as I rushed down the building stairs in a rush. I immediately took my phone on my way to pull some strings with my contact in the police force to get me into the restaurant. I could feel impatience flowing through my veins as I listened for the ringing sound in my ear.

It was only on the third key that Khallahan's familiar, ringing, sounding voice sounded."About damn time, dickhead. "

"Whoa, hello to you too, Dimarco." The officer salute visibly bored with my call in the middle of the evening. "No matter what you need, I'm sure it can wait until sunrise."

I could feel impatience being replaced by irritation as I continued down the stairs before adjusting the strap on my backpack as I jumped the last step down the hall.

I stuck the phone between my shoulder and my ear to put on my navy blue baseball cap before expressing my thoughts ardently in the phone."Absolutely not. I need you to work your magic and now. It doesn't matter how you do it. I wouldn't let that bastard slip through my fingers."

I was so focused on accomplishing this task that I did not realize our famous neighbor was on my way down the rest of the steps to the sidewalk. However, this was not really a big concern for me since I was not long in going headlong again in the big blonde without even bothering to apologize. The impact was barely recorded on my part as I immediately started on the sidewalk waiting for Khallahan's answer.

On the other hand, on the part of the soldier. It was a different story.

* * *

Steve was undeniably exhausted. He had just returned from a reconnaissance mission for Shield, and although he had appreciated the distraction in his new monotony, he now dreaded finding himself between the empty and solitary four walls of his apartment. DC was not New York and he could say he had felt a minor improvement after the alien attack but he was still alone. And that was probably what he had the most trouble managing.

At first, he was an icon, then a soldier. He thought he had given his life to save his country and then it turns out he woke up seventy years later in a block of ice to realize that everything had changed around him. All he had known was gone. Most people he once called friends had grown old and evolved without him. And most of them were dead now.

Well, except one person. Peggy Carter.

In his eyes, she was the only real person who really counted for him. It was probably that he was better able to revive what he thought was never lost in him. He sincerely thought that he would be destined to end in this era completely alone and without any real ounce of happiness. She had missed him so much. She was what gave him an ounce of hope.

Unfortunately, Peggy too had evolved without him and she was getting older. It was a point to visit her regularly in her retirement center but it happened that she was not really with him anymore.

Finally, Steve found himself alone again in this big city. He had no one to whom he could really confide. And he had no one with whom he could really evolve, not like Captain America but like Steve Rogers. And it was not really with his new coworkers that he could really confide. Certainly, Romanoff was a constant in this new life but she was hardly an option. Her status in Shield made her barely believable for him. Although she had fought alongside him during the battle of New York, he remained on his guard against the ex-assassin.  
Honestly, he was constantly cautious around the Shield itself. They had already lied and he could not really stand the atmosphere that politicians and diplomats were clearing. He made him suspicious and awkward. And if there was one thing Steve hated the most was feeling awkward. It reminded him of this period of pre-serum where he had to constantly walk on eggs around the people around him. Apart from Bucky of course, that was another story as a whole.

It was therefore with little enthusiasm that Steve got off his collector's motorcycle by adjusting his canvas jacket before taking a step towards the steps leading into the interior of his building.

However, he was already halfway between the second and the fourth when he heard a voice purely feminine and especially very salty in her choice of word. Steve still had a hard time getting used to the fact that women of that time sometimes swore almost as much as the most vulgar soldiers with whom he had fought before.

"Absolutely not. I need you to work your magic and now. It doesn't matter how you do it. I wouldn't let that bastard slip through my fingers."

The end of the visibly imperative demand of the woman attracted his attention despite himself. He immediately raised his eyes just to take an instant pause in suspicion at the sight of a suspicious figure.

Maybe he was overreacting but he was instantly on his guard as he looked at this dark-haired woman with a cap effectively hiding her face through the doors of their building. For all he knew, she could be talking about him.

His shoulders stiffen almost instantly in response as he watched her approaching closely without even taking notice of his presence. It was only when she hit him hard without even making a squeak when most of them would have made a small sound of discomfort to his strong build that Steve realized who she was. Having been hit far more than he could count, Steve could not really forget how his neighbor, whose fullness he had not known until last week, had hit him without even an ounce of remorse in their minds.

Now, Steve had been meeting with women for the last few years and he could say that for the most part he was uncomfortable and clumsy like hell but this type of reaction had never been offered to him before.

Kate had told him it was an occurrence that he should not pay attention to. She did not really like people in general. But having been hit every time they came face to face seemed pretty damn right personal to him. So he found himself pivoting on his heels with the intention of challenging her only the agreement and the sight of an object falling from one of the pockets of the object of his thoughts intrigued him more. He hastily retrieved the square object on the floor just to realize it was her wallet. He straightened up as soon as he was about to call her when he realized that she was already halfway to the next intersection.

At that moment, Steve knew he should just give up the idea and keep the wallet for next time. Or maybe even give it to Kate but he could not help thinking back to the two times he had come across his neighbor's way. He did not even know she existed before last week and it had been almost three months since he was in DC. Not to mention that she seemed on a sort of manhunt of some sort. He just could not let that happen as if nothing had happened. Plus, he always had her wallet so it always gave him a reason to reinforce his involvement.

Yeah, that made absolutely sense to him.

So he went after his neighbor.

* * *

"C'mon, Khallahan! I know you can let me in." I gasped through the phone between my tight grip.

I was seriously beginning to lose my already limited patience. I could not lose such an opportunity to trap this nasty liar. He deserved to rot in jail for what he had done. And I was going to make sure that it happened. With the help of this indict from Khallahan or not.

Finally, a sigh resounded on the other side letting me tighten my iron grip around my phone in anticipation. "Fine, I'll call one of our indicts. Found a gift for the kitchen. He can get you in the back door."

"Here, was it so hard?"

"Would it kill you to just say thank you?" Grumbled the brown through the receiver, rolling my eyes as I took a new sidewalk at a run.

I tried to ignore the strange feeling of being followed as I shook my head at the mere thought of thankfulness before concentrating my annoyed voice on the conversation, "Just let me in. "

After that, I did not wait another second to hang up before pocketing my phone in the pocket of my cargo jeans.

This feeling of suspicion crossed my limbs again, letting me cast a new look over my shoulder in the surveillance. I scanned the adjacent streets in a sharp sense of mistrust before turning my attention back to me once the path seemed clear.

Nevertheless, that did not prevent me from speeding up the pace again so much that I seemed to run more than walk. The good thing was that I arrived in front of the restaurant in record time.

Khallahan's indict managed to get me in without a hitch despite the fact that he obviously seemed annoyed by the interruption. I openly ignored his mood as I asked him to find a table close to my target. He rolled his eyes again, whispering that he had done enough for the damn cops before asking me to follow him, or rather pushing me through the back room for the main hall.

I made the effort to remove my cap as I sat at the table diagonally from that of Declan or Daniel Coll now. On the other hand, I hastened to cover my face with the menu sitting in front of me. The informer rolled his eyes again to my behavior before reminding me not to get him fired. I just waved my hand to dismiss him since I had already bet all my views on the couple three tables away.

It turned out that the woman who had come to see me the other day had presented to me a more delicate case than I had first imagined.

For starters, she did not try to prove the infidelity of her husband to divorce but rather to find the man who had stolen his identity. Her husband had disappeared from the surface of the planet more than five years ago now and she had been left alone to raise their three children. She thought that fate had hard enough on her but it seems that in recent months several consumer credits had been contracted on behalf of her husband. She was convinced that his identity had been stolen. I thought otherwise.

Unfortunately, I had to have some research in the police database (I know, illegal) as well as the traffic cameras to confirm my hypothesis.

It turned out that my client's husband was not gone, but in DC. He had adopted a brand-new identity now. He was very successful in his career as a marketing director for a large import-export company and remarried more than two years ago now. His wife, who could be his daughter, seemed totally ignorant of her husband's first life. And to top it off, he was about to be a father again.

Everything in everything, I was royally upset. This asshole had the audacity to leave his family behind him in misery and distress while he lived the good life in the arm of a girl barely older than me.

A swell of hatred and disgust disturbed my empty stomach as I watched him openly stroke his companion's cheek. He brought his priceless glass of wine up to their eyes for a toast before bringing it to his lips with that pretentious smile plastered on his ungrateful face.

Oh, how I was going to love breaking his perfect little life!

I slowly set the menu, thanking the heavens that it was an eventful evening for the restaurant. I could not really afford one of their dish and I definitely did not want to be bothered by one of their waiter.

I leaned into the chair to get a clearer view of the couple before reaching for my glasses with the intention of catching them in the act.

Unfortunately, a mass of muscle was not slow to intervene in the path making me jump in spite of me as I turned my attention to the idiot who had just fucked all my infiltration.

"What the hell? "

"No matter what you try to do, just don't. "

I literally had to take a moment to regain my senses as I gauged the idiot before me in disbelief. He was tall, very tall, probably two heads taller than me, and had eyes as blue as a tropical sea. A straight nose was standing in the middle of his face, seemingly carved directly from the stone, and I could see a slight wrinkle along his eyes, pointing out that if he did not look so intimidating and determined, he must have a smile almost as beautiful than Ben's.

But even more, I would recognize this voice no matter. This hoarse and firm voice both expressing confidence and a strength of character that is difficult to live for. He was my damned neighbor and he literally had to mess up a week of hard work.

Anger and indignation soon took over, letting me squeeze my fists under the table as I narrowed my eyes coldly on the blonde in front of me. "You. Do you even know what you just did?"

If he was surprised by my murderer's tone, he did not let him affect him as he leaned slightly on the table to get his point."I don't know what this man has done to you but there is other way to solve your problems than to harass him. He-"

"What the fuck?" I interrupted, indignantly before shaking my head to try to keep my thoughts clear through my growing rage. "But who do you think you are? And, harass him? You idiot, you just fuck hours and hours of work. "

This time, he briefly let the surprise on his face. If it was because of my insult or my statement following it, I did not know. And I had no interest in knowing. Right now, I was damn right pissed and I was not sure I could keep my cool any longer.

"Hours of work? "

I quickly brought my forefinger and thumb over the bridge of my nose to try to control my anger before taking a deep breath as I raised my eyes smoking on his expression of total confusion. "I'm a private detective, dickhead."

Once again, he seemed completely offended and even bewildered by my insult, but I could not care less about how I jumped to my feet. It was useless to stay any longer. I was in danger of being spotted and that was the last thing I wanted if I was going to have to make up for the fuck up of this head of air.

I quickly put on my cap in a last attempt to keep my identity hidden before I started to venture to the exit only the tall blonde hastened to follow me.

"W-wait ... where are you going? "

I let out a cuss under my breath in his voice too strong for my taste before pivoting abruptly on my heels to face him. I hastened to take cover behind the nearest pole before taking him completely off guard as I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt to lower him to my level.

Honestly, I was a little surprised myself that he let himself go. He seemed like the type of guy who could easily dethrone me.

"Listen to me, doofus! If you don't close your trap in the next six seconds, I'll stick my fist in your fucking face." I used to sound deadly serious. "I don't care if you're two sizes taller than me or your arms are as big as a fucking RPG. I'm going to hit you. And hard."

I did not really stay to see the full reaction as I snapped his collar before pivoting back on my heels with the intention of putting this miserable failure behind me.

Unfortunately, this idiot just did not know when to go back. "Wait! "

From that moment, I reacted only to the moment as I would immediately pinched my fingers as soon as his firm hand rested on my shoulder with the intention of calling me. And clearly, he did not take my threats seriously as he gave a sudden breath of total shock from the moment my fist collided with his jaw. The strength of my punch did not seem to be enough to move him even a millimeter but he still seemed to go back a little under the effect of surprise. As for me, I had not expected how much his jaw would hurt my fist.

I held a hiss of pain as I recoiled in my turn, shaking my fist in pain before giving a warning look at the blonde rubbing his jaw. "Touch me again and I swear to god-"

I clenched my jaw as I could still feel the beating of my own heart in my hand before shaking my head waving my valid hand on the fool. I really did not have time to lose with him. I immediately turned on my heels before accelerating the pace with the intention of putting so much distance between him and me.

Honestly, I could not believe this snoop was my neighbor. Even worse, he was nice to watch. Which means he was even more infuriating in my eyes. Beautiful people were always a big source of nuisance for me.

However, as I was shaking my fist still aching, I could not help but realize he seemed strangely familiar. Not in the kind boy next door kind of familiar but more like when we saw a public figure but we were unable to remember their name. He was familiar with this genre for me. And it had the gift to annoy me more. I did not really manage the mysteries and the unsolved problems and because of this idiot, I found myself with both options on my hands.

I gritted my teeth again as I climbed the last steps to our corridor and realized only now that the idiot probably had followed me to the agreement of the door of the hall to open and close.

I leaned slightly on the rail to watch a silhouette climb through the first set of stairs leaving me scoff before straightening up." Idiot. "

I literally had to swear as I made my way into our apartment before stopping for a moment to test the pain along my fingers. I could already see a red mark on my three phalanges reminding me that I had not hit anyone for a long time. Obviously, there had been close calls, very close during the last years but I seemed to manage to keep my temper under control. It seems that this blonde knew just how to get me out of my hinges.

"God, what's happen to you?"

I immediately detached my eyes from my hand to look at the blonde currently measuring me with a look between shared anxiety and mistrust. "I hit our neighbor's douchebag."

"You what?" She exclaimed in a shriek, seemingly incredulous.

I immediately frowned at the off-character reaction of the blonde before giving her a look of confusion. "Yeah? So what? He pissed me off."

There was a moment of silence when Kate simply could not make a sound as if trying to measure her next reaction before she let an incredulous laugh pass her pink lips. This time, I raised an eyebrow questioning her sanity before overtaking her to go to our kitchen open to the living room. I did not know her little fit of laughter as I opened the freezer compartment before using the sack of peas as a pack of ice.

However, Kate's laughter soon turned into an indignant blow making me turn on my heels. I put the bag of ice on my hand again calling the attention of the blonde on my injured appendices.

She crumpled her remaining expression of laughter in an annoyed grimace before giving a groan. "Oh god, you really did it."

Once again, I doubted Kate's well-constructed facade as I could see one of her many other facets again. She showed this side every time my impulsive behavior threw her a curved ball. And for some reason, hitting the neighbor seemed to bother her greatly.

"What?" I finally asked in impatience and slight annoyance. I had a long night. "Don't tell me you're already crushing on the guy? He's an asshole."

Kate immediately raised her head as if I had just announced that I had just killed her dog before shaking her head with a groan of indignation. "You really don't know who he is."

Again with this question.

I frowned deeply this time as I remembered my familiar impression of the blonde before giving an impatient look at my roommate. "Why I should ?"

"Seriously, Dee?" Kate whispered, checking her jaw before crossing her arms over her chest as she sat down on one of our bar stools on the bar separating the kitchen from the living room. "Steve Rogers. No ringtone? A reminiscence of your history classes perhaps? No ? Nothing."

"I was bad in history."

I was sure that if Kate was an extravagant person, she'd hit her forehead in total defeat at this point but instead, she took a deep breath before squinting her dark brown eyes on me.

"Danae." Ok, that seemed serious now. "Steve is Steven Grant Rogers ... Captain America alas."

I took a moment to let the information sink deeper into my brain before I began to giggle. It was strange and almost unknown to me as I found myself laughing like I had not laughed for years. At this point, I dropped the pea sack to keep my ribs aching with the heaving mass leaving my body. Tears, laughter or sadness now blurred my vision as I looked up at Kate through my little fit.

Nevertheless, I could see her shared expression again between platitude and worry. It was the first time she'd heard me laugh like that and it seemed closer to a hysterical laugh than a laugh.

Finally, I forced the air into my lungs to try to regain a semblance of control before leaning over the edge of the bar to give her a flat look."I didn't think you were that funny. Good one. Ha, Captain America."

I shook my head as I picked up the pea sack with the intention of escaping this awkward moment from the comfort of my room.

However, the distracting feeling of déjà vu that I felt during my meeting with our neighbor stopped me in my steps.

A broad look of realization appeared on my face before I pivoted on my heels. "It's not a joke."

Kate shook her head in response with her wrinkled lips, letting my head fall back into an incredulous grunt.

That was the cherry on the top of the cake.

"Holy shit."

A breath of laughter called me out, letting me focus on Kate to see her shake her head with a semi-amused smile dancing on her full lips."You dug your ticket a little bit more for hell. "

"Funny." I mumbled with a fake smile plastered on my lips before shaking my head as I made my way back to my room.

I seriously needed to take a moment to proceed the fact that our neighbor was fucking Captain America. The darling child of America. There was a chance out of millions that this moron ... this old man comes to live in the same building as us. And yet, he was right next door. And by some sick twisted fate, I managed to stick my fist in his face on our second meeting. I assumed that I should at least rejoice. I managed to catch the Cap off guard. I doubted it was a regular occurrence for him.

It reminded me that I was right again. He could dethrone me and yet, he had let himself be abused in the restaurant. I did not really know what it was saying about me. Oh Hell, I knew exactly what that meant to me. I was so going to hell for that.

At the mere thought, I let myself fall heavily against my mattress with my eyes riveted on the slightly cracked ceiling. I brought my hand to my eyes trying to hide the light from my exhausted pupils before glancing at the drawer of my bedside table containing my pills. I leaned forward on my side before pouring two pills in the palm of my hand in the hope of passing this miserable evening in the background. I still had a night of nightmares to face.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, nightmares were again present this night like every other before. It was more weary than tired that I removed the covers of my legs discovered by my shorts to sit up in a sitting position on the side of my bed. I instinctively reached for the drawer of my bedside table before swallowing my daily antidepressant dose. My prescription had been revoked a long time ago, but I had managed to get it myself. Now it was official, I had definitely bottomed out.

I took a moment to stretch my neck to release some tension accumulated along my muscles before leaning on my thighs to straighten me. I turned off my bedside lamp on my way before turning on the light only when I was in the kitchen. The light in the living room looked directly into Kate's room and I knew how much she deserved her sleep. She kept alternating the changes in the hospital.

Honestly, it worked perfectly for me since I was not really the type of roommate super cheerful and nice but I had to admit that I appreciated the company. After Ben, I had been left without work, without a husband and loads of debts to pay. We still had to pay back our apartment and it was out of the question for me to allow other people to live in our home.

So I put an ad on the internet for a roommate. The apartment was spacious, I was not really there and the rent affordable. Of course, Kate was not my first visit, but she was the only one who seemed to deign to stay in spite of my cold-blooded attitude.

Now, it's been almost a year and a half since we lived together and although I hated to admit it, Kate had become one of the constants of my life. Like Alma, Robbie, Sam and damn, even Khallahan in some ways.

I let a tired sigh pass my lips as I activated the coffee machine ignoring the gray red numbers telling me that there was still two hours before sunrise.

I was busy taking out a cup before going back to my room to get my laptop. Since I had lost my perfect opportunity to corner Monagan, I had to make an observation of his habits again to find the perfect moment to take him on the fait accompli.

Despite the fact that I now know the identity of my mysterious disrupter, I was still fucking upset about the mess he'd made in my mission. I was going to give him a black eye the next time I met him.

I returned to the living room by putting my computer on the bar before taking my cup to fill it with coffee. I sat behind my computer taking a sip of the pungent elixir before turning on all my monitoring software. His schedule was easy to get with the software now but I still struggled to adapt to his level. He seemed to move away from his schedule a little more each time I put my nose in his business. He was careful and knew how to stay out of the radar. Apart from conventional radar at least, there was no chance of escaping the new technology now.

I was not long in becoming totally engrossed in my research. Sufficiently when Kate appeared next to me, a small start escaped me.

"Sorry, morning." The blonde mumbled in a groggy voice making me smile in spite of myself behind my umpteenth cup of coffee.

"Morning. There's coffee if you want."

Kate raised her hand to cover her yawn before quickly giving up since she seemed slower than her body. She took a mug from the cupboard before taking a break from her action to pick up the handle of the coffee maker.

She examined the little remaining liquid with a critical look before immediately throwing me her famous worried look. "That's bad, huh?"

"Nothing that I didn't manage before." I reassured myself in a perfectly repeated voice, giving Kate a flat look before she stepped on the other side of the bar.

She took a sip of her coffee before signing my pc with her chin. "What are you working on?"

"Declan Monagan." I replied bitterly, giving Kate a pinched look.

The blonde seemed strangely intrigued by the least of my cases. It was as if she was dying to live a little action through them. As if the last months seemed to stretch for her. It was these moments that made me doubt her perfect personality. I decided to leave my questions in the back of my mind as my phone emitted a new notification. I frowned since it was a Saturday and few people contacted me on a Saturday.

Only the name of Nurse Robbie immediately made me jump out of my stool in a moment. I did not have to answer to know it was bad. Robbie was calling me only with her work phone when something bad was going on.

I did not know Kate's confused and slightly worried questions as I rushed straight into my room before opening the dresser drawers on the fly. I did not really look like I was grabbing a pair of yoga pants with a large oversized sweater before changing into a record time. I quickly tied my rebellious curls in a messy bun at the base of my neck before taking my oversize denim jacket and bag on my way to the exit. The only thing that dethroned me somewhat from my panic-induced routine was Kate's call as she threw me her car keys. I gave her a grateful look over my shoulder before quickly closing the door behind me.

I wasted no time as I sailed through DC's usual traffic before stopping in front of the sophisticated retirement center. I did not even care about my messy appearance or even the expression of panic written on my face as I exploded through the automatic doors of the center before sweeping the lobby in search of Robbie. The little nurse became one of the only person counting to be known soon let me take my frantic step in her direction. The half-breed, who seemed to be in the middle of a discussion with a tall, muscular blond, suddenly turned to the agreement of my thunderous footsteps before posting a look at my expression.

She immediately apologized for the conversation with the man in the baseball cap and the strangely familiar look before rushing towards me. "Dee-"

"Robbie! Where is she ? Where is Alma? What's happened ? Is she doing well? Tell me she's fine! "

Robbie immediately brought her hands over my shoulders to stabilize me before rubbing soothing circles with her thumbs as she grabbed my panicked look. "Shhh, she's fine. It was a minor episode. Nothing bad. I told them it would do more harm than good to warn you but you know the rules."

Finally, I let the breath that I seemed to have held since receiving her message before feeling the obvious lack of rest of this last years fall suddenly on my shoulders. I wavered in spite of myself, forcing me to catch up with Robbie to hold me straight. If I was not so out of me, I probably would have noticed the slight curve of her belly but I was too exhausted.

The latter displayed a worried look at her once warm features. "Dee? Danae? Hey, can you hear me? What's wrong ? "

I literally had to struggle to catch my breath before forcing myself to nod, despite the fatigue immobilizing all my muscles.

I squeezed as I helped me with Robbie to regain control of my balance before forcing a semi-normal expression. "Can I see her? "

Robbie stayed in silence for a moment as she let her fluffy brown eyes travel along my face with concern before pulling back once she was sure I could stand on both my legs. Nevertheless, I could see her contract her hands with each of my worked breaths.

She opened her mouth seeming to want to say something before quickly changing her mind knowingly. "We had to give her a mild sedative. I'm sorry, she couldn't remember and a young intern asked who he was. She didn't do it on purpose. She just wanted to talk to her."

I immediately closed my eyes to the agreement of this new information before swallowing as I took a deep breath.

"Make her talk? Do you know what it feels like having to relive the death of your son? Again, and again. Huh? You said you were going to take care of her. You said that-"I repeated coldly before stopping in the middle of my action to point her dryly as I realized what I was about to do.

I took a step back in defeat as I realized that some looks were turned towards us before squinting my lips still completely unconscious of the attentive eyes of a certain captain on our duet.

I squeezed and squeezed my fist at my side as I could feel Robbie's anxious and contrite look on me before shaking my hands in a gesture of abandonment, "I need air. I can't do that."

I immediately turned on my heels, still feeling the heavy weight of Robbie's gaze on my back before suddenly finishing my run on the smoking side of the building. I quickly took a cigarette pack out of my jacket pocket with my trembling hands and quickly put a nicotine stick between my lips. Now it was getting more complicated since my hands were shaking almost as much as someone with hypothermia. I was unable to hold my lighter straight enough to light a decent flame. I cursed through my little crisis of hysteria before suddenly freezing as a visibly masculine hand entered my field of vision. I immediately took my cigarette in my fingers before lifting my eyes just to roll them as soon as I met two tropical ocean pools.

"You have to be kidding me!" I grumbled under my breath worked before taking a step back with a wary frown as I realized who he really was. "Wait, why you here ? "

For a moment, I almost imagined seeing a semblance of a sardonic smile on his lips, but the next moment it was replaced by a total mask of platitude. "You know it's going to kill you? "

"Oh goddy." I murmured under my breath clearly more in control this time as I replaced my cigarette between my lips before lighting it."You did not answer my question. Unless you came to find out about the care here? I suppose an old man like you needs more than anyone of their care."

He narrowed his eyes at me to my open insult before moving back, narrowing his visibly offended lips. "At least you know who I am now."

"Yeah." I breathed with no ounce of interest in my tone. "Still would not have stopped me from hitting you. If I had known that I would be the only one to be hurt, I would have aimed below the ceinture."

A wide look of disbelief passed over his perfectly sculpted face before a slight red color tingled the tips of his ears. I had to literally hold back a mocking snort as I turned away while taking a puff of nicotine.

A strange silence passed between us as we both seemed lost in our own little tormented minds. It was only when I realized fully that he was here, by my side despite the fact that I had hit him the other night that I decided to take a step back in mistrust. Anyone in their right state of mind would not have come. Hell, if it had been me, I would have probably punched him up as soon as I had the opportunity.

"Seriously, what are you doing here ?"

My inquisitive, apathetic tone seemed to catch the big blond as he closed his face again in a white mask. "I came to see a friend. "

I raised an eyebrow visibly divided between disbelief and amusement before shaking my head in simple confusion. I assumed that his answer was plausible given ... given he was him.

That doesn't prevent, I still did not appreciate his presence even though he's one of these great superheroes. To tell the truth, I had no point of view on them. I was not even in the country when the Alien invasion took place.

I looked at his perfect profile with a sense of absolute mistrust before stiffening myself in spite of his next question. "Are not you going to apologize?"

"W-what?" I stammered, obviously taken aback before leaving a disdainful snort. "That's why you're here? For me to ask forgiveness. Man, superheroes."

I rolled my eyes to accompany my thoughts before throwing my cigarette into the nearest pot with the intention of cutting off this stupid discussion.

Steve seemed to realize it as he straightened himself with an expression worthy of an ad campaign. "I may be back on pop culture but I'm pretty sure that insults and blows are still not admissible."

"Nah, nah, nah." I sneered childishly as I swung quickly on my heels with my hands on my ears. "Words. Words. Too much words."

I swiveled back on my heels towards Kate's car before giving a last smirk over my shoulder as I opened the door driver. To my surprise, I could see a confused little smile on the blonde's lips. I immediately frowned in response before shaking my head as I climbed behind the wheel. I took a moment to understand what had happened before I found myself taking a fresh look at the entrance to the center.

Surprisingly, the super soldier was still in the same place, his ocean eyes still riveted on me. The scowl that already appeared on my face widened more as I met his eyes before shaking my head dry as I made contact.

"Weirdo." I stated as I hurried off the parking lot.


	3. Stability

_If you're going through hell, keep going. Winston Churchil_

* * *

After a busy start to the day, I needed some semblance of stability. And that alone could be produced by one person.

Even though I hated going to the Veterans Center, I could not help but go back from time to time.

Sam was one of Ben's few reminders and I needed to talk to him. Even if we were talking about the huge elephant in the room. That being my devastating mourning process.

I was slowly and calmly making my way through the huge hall with a slight feeling of discomfort before stopping in front of the group sessions. I tightened my grip on the keys of Kate's car before silently advancing as I could hear voices coming from inside the room.

I was quick to lean against the crack with my arms crossed over my chest as I could see Sam in full session. The latter had left the army shortly after Ben's death. He was part of a classified special project and before that, he was in the same unit as Ben and me. He had one of my best men. It was before he decided to join the air force. From that moment, Ben and I had received a better offer in the Navy.

Unfortunately he had lost Riley, his teammate during one of their missions. After that, he was almost as destroyed as me. But he was strong and saner than I was now. He had found the strength to overcome his pain and had turned the bad into a positive one. He was now leading several support sessions for veterans of the military.

I listened silently with my tight chest as one of the participants explained his daily difficulties. SPT, paranoia, aggression and all that bunch of shit that kept him from moving forward. After having lived what these men had experienced on the field, I could definitively affirm that the army was fucking with the spirit of these soldiers and even those of the strongest.

This thought strangely brought me back to some annoying neighbor. Oddly, my history classes suddenly came back to my mind. How the Captain had proudly fought during the WWII before sacrificing himself for the country. Now he was here and probably had to deal with his own troubles and learn to live in this world again. My empathic side buried deep in layers of grief and mourning almost tried to rise to the surface, but it was enough for me to close my eyes and take a deep breath to silence that futile attempt to feel again.

A deep frown appeared on my face at the mere thought. I had to stop thinking about this jerk before he ended up destroying everything I had so hard to create. I had locked myself into this sphere of apathy and could not allow myself to feel again. No, it was difficult enough like that. I could never bear to feel that pain again and again. I struggled enough daily against her.

"You know, you could sit with us instead of hovering in the dark with a deep frown."

I suddenly jumped at the familiar intervention before suddenly looking in surprise around me. It seemed as if I had been so deeply locked in my own little head that I did not even notice that the session had ended or that Sam and I were now the only ones still present.

I forced a weak smile on my lips as I walked a little in the light while remaining nonchalantly pressed against the opening. " Maybe next time. "

"That's exactly what you said the last time." The brown chocolate-skinned man reminded me before handing me a cup of coffee. "Here. You seem to need it."

I nodded in affirmation before taking the cup with a sign of thanks." I went to see Alma. An incident with a trainee."

"It's been a while since I went to see her." He confessed, lowering his chin with guilt before giving me an almost anxious look. " How is she ?"

"Like, like that. Most of the time, she remembers me. She knows who I am and Ben ... "I swallowed as I could feel my grip on the cup start shaking before checking my jaw to keep emotions under control. "She's always so interest in my social life. "

At that, Sam let a little snort amused before raising an eyebrow with a little sneer. "Who was that this time? Caretaker ? The nurse in the next room?"

"The grandson of one of the residents." I replied with a faint smile before feeling the weight of our conversation darken my mood again."Yeah. I never thought that my own mother-in-law would try to convince me to go on a date."

I stared intently at the black liquid in the cup as I bit the inside of my cheek in an attempt to keep the emotions at bay.

However, I could feel Sam's watchful eye on me making me look up again to meet his gaze almost as dark as coal. "How you sleep lately?"

"Oh, well, I'm fine." I said, avoiding his gaze as I focused my attention on the left as I narrowed my lips to downplay my words. "If you don't count nightmares, tremors, the use of drugs deemed illegal over the counter, nicotine addiction and that ball ... that empty ball gnawing at me from the inside."

A heavy silence fell on us as I turned my eyes to Sam just to squeeze my lips at the sight of his expression of pity and understanding. He knew exactly what I was talking about. He knew the effects of the loss of a loved one himself and he knew the fight I had to face daily. He was the only person to whom I did not keep this facade. I just could not lie to him, he knew me too well.

"It feels like hell, Sam."

I could feel the tightness in my throat preventing me from breathing, the weight on my shoulders and soon, Sam's firm, muscular arms were around me. I let myself be comforted as I would soon be holding my arms around his middle. I was careful not to spill my cup as I was using my free hand to squeeze his shirt into my fist. I could feel his soothing caresses along my back to take some of my burden.

Not useful but I had to give him a point to try.

Finally, he pulled away, letting me lift my chin to plunge my foamy brown orbs into his brown-coal eyes.

"I know that everything I say will have no effect on you. You have always been too stubborn for you own good. Ben was the first to say it." He whispered with a hint of laughter at the reminder and a sharp look in my direction. "But there is a better world after all this trouble. And if there is anyone who can overcome this ordeal, it's you, Commander."

A sad smile appeared on my lips despite everything as I took in his comforting words, sincerely hoping he was telling the truth.

Unfortunately, I was not sure I could really believe him right now.

He put a chaste kiss on my forehead, taking care to stay a little longer than necessary before I stepped back to give me room to breathe. I leaned against the crack again, taking a long sip of the hot coffee between my fingers.

The pungent liquid eased the feeling of my tight throat a little before transferring my eyes to Sam with a nostalgic smile. "Ben hated coffee. He always made me buy these little packs of herbs to infuse."

"Yeah, I mean what Americans don't like coffee, right?" Sam replied with a laugh to make a joke.

I let out a breath of laughter before shaking my head in agreement as I could feel the tears behind my eyes. "It was awful. Whenever he did, the apartment stank for hours of sandalwood and all these vegetarian herbs."

"God, I remember." Sam agreed, shaking his head with a grimace amused at the memory. "He had done it once in the camp."

I let a new hiccup of laughter at the booster before giving him a hilarious look. "And Jerry who thought it was medicinal herbs."

This time, Sam let out a straightforward and straightforward reminder that the image of a Jerry applying Ben's tea herbs to his feet resurfaced behind our eyes. It was sincerely one of our best memories of operations together. When everything was still simple for all of us. Even before Ben and I discovered our feelings for each other. It was just the strangeness of a dysfunctional group of men under the orders of a woman. We were one of the most frantic subjects in the base. Not only were they headed by a woman but they also had their own lot of strangeness. We were the most effective outcast group at the base and that was what I liked most about them.

Finally, the rest of the conversation focused mainly on banalities like the progress of my work, the effects of the roommate on my lonely trends and the well-being of Robbie. It reminded me that I had left the clinic without really preventing her.

I was cursing right in our conversation, effectively interrupting Sam in his tracks."What's the matter ?"

I left a grimace as I looked up at him knowingly. "I forgot to tell Robbie I was leaving the clinic."

Sam immediately let out a whistle with eyes wide in mischief as he shook his head with pity."Hmmhmm, I don't want to be in your place. "

"Bitch." I insulted, with a bored look, receiving an incredulous scoff of Sam.

"Seriously? Bitch? That's all you got ?"

I wrinkled my lips as I could feel the smile on my lips before pointing my index finger in his face."I remind you that not so long ago, I was your back-up."

"So what? What are you going to do ?" He challenged with a mischievous spark in his warm brown orbs.

I narrowed my eyes at him with slight annoyance before pushing me out of the crack with boredom. "I hate you."

"C'mon." Sam replied at once with a burst of laughter before trying to put his hand on my shoulder just to widen his eyes as I made a point of retreating. "Oh man, you didn't dare."

"Yes. Yes, I did."

Soon enough, we found ourselves in an almost uncontrollable laugh. I stood against the crack to support myself before looking up at the agreement of my only laugh. It turned out that Sam was staring at me with a fond smile on his matted lips.

I raised an eyebrow in sign of question receiving an immediate response from the brown to the buzz cut. "It feels good to see you laughing."

I let my broad grin diminish in a simple smile at this information before nodding my head in agreement. "Yeah, that's good. "

As usual, I ended our conversation by promising Sam to come to the next session. Obviously, he gave me his faithful 'don't bullshitting me' before letting me go with the simple request to pay care a little more about me. This promise, I could hold it.

I only did that anyway. I lived in a monotonous loop in order to keep deep inside me the raw emotions that I did not want to face any more. Apart from a plausible overdose or an accident related to my work, I doubted I would have to face death anytime soon. It may have been a horrible thought pattern for some, but I had long since abandoned the idea of living happily.

Now, I just lived and to be honest, it was already a huge fight daily. Breathing and continuing as if nothing had happened, was the only goal of my days.

When I returned to the apartment, I was almost ashamed to admit that I was relieved when I saw Kate's note telling me she had an emergency at work. It meant that I could spend the whole of my Saturday brooding without having to worry about the effect it had on my roommate. She said nothing but I knew that Kate's attempts to take care of me were purely an act to distract me from my depression. And as much as it would warm my heart, I'd rather stay locked in my room to track down my next target.

Unfortunately, it looks like tonight was going to be one of those nights again. I had just turned on my pc a new beep of notification was on my screen. I leaned over the keyboard immediately, glancing continuously between the screen and the keys before feeling a little bitter grin on my lips.

Declan Monagan. It was the end of his little flight in the shadows.

This time, there would be no super soldier to stop me and I was not going to stop until I got the image I needed. Which meant that I probably would have to go spinning.

If I believed his schedule and where he was, there was little chance he would leave the building before dawn. Now I could try to sleep a bit but I already knew what would come out of it. No. A good spinning in an uncomfortable and dilapidated car was definitely more attractive than any sleep thought.

I was going to need some snacks.

* * *

Steve could not stand the thought of his empty, lifeless apartment. He always felt a little more depressed at the thought of having to go back inside the chosen apartment, decorate and probably watch by the Shield. Especially after a day like this.

He knew it was an attempt to adapt him to the new world, but he could not help but feel like to be trapping by the Shield. And in a sense, he was.

He did not really know when he had really started to feel that way with the organization. He had worked with them during the Battle of New York and had almost felt alive again as he had fulfilled his role as a soldier but it turned out that he never really worked at the same level as with Shield. He was somewhat bitter about the lie of the organization. They had used the tesseract as the Germans had tried all these years back.

After that, they used him to shoot these videos for New York students as Senator Brant had done to sell war bonds. They were all politicians in the end who wanted to exploit him.

It was therefore no surprise that he had distanced himself from the Shield. He was not really a soldier anymore and he could make his own decisions. He was no longer a real soldier in the sense of the word. He no longer belonged to the United States.

But they had found a way to get him back under their control. Even before he could really understand the implications of his agreement, he had become that soldier again under their orders.

He had only signed the contract because Fury had told him that he had found Peggy. She was his one and only goal. He had not really thought about the consequences when he took this plane from New York to Washington DC. And now, it was not even sure that coming to DC is the best option. Of course, he was longing for his friends and all the more so for Peggy, but after seeing her like that, getting older and lying in bed in the retirement center, he knew it was not the life he should live. He should also be in a bed like her. Aging with her and not emerge from an ice block seventy years later to become the world's first superhero.

This kind of thinking made him depressed and anxious. He needed to move. He could not go back to his apartment. Not yet.

He gave a last look at the building housing his impersonal apartment before turning his heels in the opposite direction.

He kept his head down in an effort of discretion before pushing his fists into the pockets of his jeans as he let himself be carried by his feet.

Unsurprisingly, his spirit returned to meet Peggy earlier in the day. It was not the first time he had visited her. He had been warned from the first day of her pathology. Alzheimer. He vaguely knew the effects. '_Some good days and some bad days'_, the nurse. Myers told him.

This disease was already present in his day. It had made him more anxious the first time he had visited her. If she had not recognized him, he did not really know what he would have done. He probably would have fled. It did not seem worthy of the great Captain America but it was not really who he was. He was Steve. Even with all these improvements produced by the serum, there remained this little guy from Brooklyn who simply could not turn a blind eye to an injustice despite his deplorable health.

Granted, he emanated more confidence and assurance now but he was still Steve from Brooklyn under rugged exterior. And most people today seemed to forget it. That was probably why he missed his friends even more.

Anyway, he had never really experienced one of Peggy's bad days and he felt lucky rightly.

Unfortunately, today was the end of his lucky brand. At first, everything was as usual. He and Peggy had met as usual and talked about what they could have been. Then there was this sudden change in her expression. A kind of complete emptiness. For a moment, he wondered if it was really Peggy in front of him. She was almost unrecognizable without her usual smile and that spark of fire in her eyes.  
It was enough for him to call her so that she suddenly turned to him with a start of fear. She was afraid of him. It was a shock for him.

Almost instantly, Nurse Myers made her entrance as Peggy seemed to be agitating more and more. She had tried to reassure Peggy before asking Steve to leave the room with that famous expression of empathy. He had followed her without a word, much too shocked to even really record what had happened.

The nurse Myers or apparently Robbie, as he had heard his neighbor calling her, had turned to him in the hope of wiping his visibly dejected expression. She seemed to know what she's doing. And he had almost felt reassured as she explained to him that it was one of the effects she had told him about at their first meeting.

Only their attention was soon to be quickly entertained as a familiar face for the two of them had burst into the lobby.

At that moment, Steve had been beset by two contradictory emotions. One was mistrust. He almost expected to see his neighbor brandishing a Shield badge. And the other, the confusion as he saw the slender brunette heading towards the nurse Myers without even considering his presence.

She had seemed highly and undeniably panicked. An expression that had not yet been given to see on her face. The few times he had met her, she always seemed to alternate between a frowning and aggressive face as she threw him insults.

At that moment, she seemed totally different from the person he had met. He was quick to understand the subject of her concern as she began to draw questions after questions about a certain Alma. And then, he saw the thrill in her limbs. She seemed about to collapse.

The simple thought made him suddenly frown as he remembered the reaction, she had provoked in him. He had almost felt compelled to join her to help her stand up. He was still somewhat disturbed by this thought when he thought about it now. It was not his kind to ignore someone's distress, but his neighbor had been a kind of bully with him since they met. She even managed to get a good hook in his jaw the other night. He had clearly underestimated her. He was not about to make the same mistake again.

Anyway, that was probably why he had decided to follow her even though his jaw could still feel her phantom fist. She had obviously not hit hard enough to cause him any real damage, but she had definitely taken him by surprise. He really had to remember that the women of that time were not the ones he had known.

Nevertheless, as shocking as it was for him. He was sort of enjoying that way she had to treat him. As if he was not the Captain but only just Steve, her neighbor she thought was boring.

At the simple realization, Steve stopped short in his steps without even realizing it. He really had to feel lonely if he ended up appreciating the rough and probably antisocial behavior of his neighbor.

Kate, that was understandable. She was kind, caring and he would lie if he said he was not physically attracted to the pretty blonde. But his other neighbor was practically all the opposite.

Nah, he could not appreciate such a character.

* * *

"Ice cream. Ice cream. Cream-ha, ha, there you are!" I mumbled under my breath as I scampered the small aisles of a small local store close to my target before stopping in front of the cooling tank.

I put my basket already filled with junk food on the floor before opening the glass door to recover the object of my desire. Unfortunately, there was only one pot left and it was at the top of the shelf. Now, I was not really what we could call small or even out of shape. With my five-seven and my athletic build due to my army years, I was far from considered small or even fragile but for some reason still unknown, he always seemed to build those damned shelves for a population of giant.

An annoyed expression soon bowed the lines of my face as I literally had to hoist myself on the tip of my feet to catch it before I let a breath as I could feel the tips of my fingers a few inches from the pot.

"Damnit, I'm almost there. Still a little bit." I winced in a forced voice as I could feel a slight pressure of pain in my shoulder and feet. "Just a little, little-hey! "

I fell back on the soles of my feet as a large hand entered my field of vision before stealing my pot right under my nose. I let an indignant expression regain control of my features as I quickly turned on my heels to face this little fucker.

Unfortunately, I definitely did not expect to face my superhero neighbor nuisance.

The latter still seemed ignorant of my presence as he read aloud the flavor of ice cream."Cookie dough? I'm not sure I have yet tasted this flavor before. "

"Yeah? Well, it will not be tonight." I questioned him as I snatched the pot out of his hands with an attitude.

The big blond still seemed ignorant of the identity of the interlocutor in front of him as he hastened to apologize. "Oh, I-I didn't want to take it. Well, I just wanted to ... help you. "

He seemed finally to take notice of my presence as he looked up to meet my face before quickly composing his sorry expression in boredom.

"Oh ... neighbor. "

He gave a simple nod in recognition before giving me the coldest treatment I knew as he walked around me with his lips pursed.

The fuck-

I immediately turned on my heels with the ice cream still in my hands as I watched the broad, muscular back moving away from the aisle in total disbelief. Who would have thought that the infamous Captain America could be so wild. I assumed that even he could become tired of my remarks and rude behavior? I knew that all these rumors and advertisements were lies. He was no more virtuous or superhuman than any man.

I shook my head as a tiny smile threatened to cross my lips before quickly putting the jar in my basket. I did not really have time to worry about the virtuous Captain's mood swings.

With this decision made, I stuck my basket in the joint of my elbow before heading in indifference to the cashier. The latter seemed barely aware of my presence until I noisily put my articles on the counter. I held a petty smile as he jumped at my action before giving me a gloomy look in response. Conversely, I just ignored him as I piled a few more items before resting the basket on the side under the incredulous eyes of the cashier. He eyed the stock of junk food in front of him before raising an eyebrow as he skirted the pile to gauge me. Meanwhile, I began to absently tap my nails on the countertop in impatience.

The little pimply red seemed to take notice of my mood as he rolled his eyes from a forest green before he started scanning my articles. I was so focused on my little childish game with the boy that I did not even notice the soldier patiently waiting in line behind me. A glance shared between the curiosity and the same disbelief of the cashier as he eyed the amount of food before him.

Finally, I threw the articles distractedly in my bag before paying the cashier with a sarcastic smile plastered on my lips. I held a slight grimace at the new load of my backpack as I put it by readjusting the straps on my shoulders before making my way outside. However, the captain's familiar and serious voice stopped me on the sidewalk. I took a look as he made a semblance of discussion with the kid behind the counter before finding the need to confront him for his little act of earlier.

For some reason, his first-class little behavior bored me. Hence the reason why I decided to wait for his release.

Without further ado, the tall guy with wider shoulders than the entrance soon entered. I could feel his hesitation as he saw me on the edge of the sidewalk before he took a step with the intention of getting back to his side of the road.

"I knew you were a fucking hypocrite."

It had the gift of challenging him as he immediately turned on his heels to give me a split look between disbelief and annoyance. "I beg your pardon."

"You're a hypocrite,_ neighbor_." I accented the term as a sign of a little reminder to his jab in the store as I turned on my heels to face him.

Ok, so maybe I was a little extra right now but the little cunt had ignored me.

His bewildered expression soon gave way to irritation as he took two long strides in my direction. If I was not so focused on his ocean-blue eyes turning strangely towards the color of the bottom of the ocean in annoyance, I might have been intimidated.

"You know, I tried to ignore your behavior because Kate told me that you were acting this way with everyone." He said in a tone split between reprimand and confusion. "But I'm seriously starting to think it's personal."

This time, I raised my eyebrows as I could see that the Captain who had so graciously let my attacks through for the last few times was finally done with my shit. Obviously, he was much more than the outside of a perfect gentleman.

A new little smile of amusement seemed about to surface as I pointed my index finger in the general direction of his face."See? Hypocritical. Everyone describes you as the perfect gentleman out of time. A gallant gentleman determined and dedicated to his country when you're just like us. You come from the past? You sacrificed yourself for your country? And then what ? You're still alive, right?"

Strangely, my jab seemed to cause quite a different reaction on the blond as he quickly dialed his bored expression into a surprise and almost guilt. I felt almost a feeling of guilt as I thought I saw a spark of sadness behind his shady pupils, but I was not long in taking my eyes off the thought. I could see his Adam's apple go up and down as he seemed to catch his breath as if I had hit him right in the guts. As if I had just broken through his abominable little secret.

I raised my eyebrows expectantly as I seemed to lose more and more interest in his character. It appears what I had been thinking about at home was not as interesting as I had hoped. Maybe he was really what they said.

When it seemed certain that I would get nothing more from the blonde, I decided to just leave the conversation.

Unfortunately, it was not counting on the almost imperceptible murmur of the blonde. "You're right. "

"What? "

"I said you were right." He repeated more forcefully, making me strangely take a hold on one of the straps of my bag as he seemed to come to life in the hustle and bustle." I may have made some sacrifices back then, but I didn't give up as much as others did. So, you're right. I still have my life."

His statement and the truth behind his words touched a chord in me, as I could not help but think of Ben on that moment. What he had just said, the implication behind his words were the same as I thought every time I thought of Ben. Sam called that, the survivor's guilt.

Personally, I thought that this syndrome was a real bullshit.

However, I could not let this simple stranger see how his speech affected me. I could not let him see that he had touched a sore spot in my shell.

So with a simple arched eyebrow, I crossed my arms on my chest with attitude before changing my posture completely to approach the subject. "It looks like a pretty serious problem, neighbor."

"Steve. My name is Steve." He recalled unnecessarily as he resumed his confusion at my change of tone.

I raised my hands in surrender before shrugging my shoulders. "Whatever you want, Steve. "

"You're always so-"

"Irritating? A bother?" I suggested to him clearly relieved that the serious atmosphere seemed dissolved.

Steve frowned at my choice of adjective before crossing his broad biceps on his even wider chest with slight attitude. "I was going to say impertinent. "

"Afraid to say a bad word, huh?" I teased myself in spite of myself with a smirk smirking again at the blond with my mood swings.

He immediately gave me a disapproving look at my affront before shaking his head. "I can swear. I only learned that it was not appropriate in front of a dame... women."

At the agreement of his use of retro word, I simply could not help but leave a snort calling the blond immediately. "You say ... oh my ... say it again."

He narrows his blue eyes on me at the sight of my mocking expression before turning his head to the side letting me see a slight smile in spite of myself.

Unfortunately, the strangely relaxed atmosphere between us was soon interrupted by the sound of a notification from my phone. It reminded me why I was there in the first place. I immediately dialed my expression in a face of pure neutrality as I grabbed my phone in the pocket of my cargo pants before going through my connected system to see that Declan was in the building.

I immediately closed my phone before looking up at the Captain just to see that he already had his eyes intrigued on me. "Well, as interesting as this conversation is, I'm going to have to end it. I must leave now if I want to catch my target and correct your fuck up."

"My-what?" He exclaimed, seeming reluctant enough to cut the conversation short, it would seem before giving a look of recognition."Wait ... you'll follow this man."

I slammed my middle finger against my thumb in agreement before giving him a flat expression. "Yep. I should thank you for the extra work."

An expression of guilt immediately crossed his carved features before he took a step in my direction. "Wait. "

I frowned impatiently this time as I could see hesitation and uncertainty dancing behind his pupils. He seemed to glance over his shoulder as if he seemed to make a decision before turning back to me.

"I can come ?" He asked suddenly shy making me raise my eyebrows in surprise as he swallowed in embarrassment. "I mean ... it's my fault if you have to start your mission again. I must help you correct my mistake."

"I thought we had established that you were not the perfect gentleman they describe." I remember with an arched eyebrow raising a slight uncertain smile from the blond.

He raised his broad shoulders, resting his hands on his hips before reaching for his neck in embarrassment. "Some old habits are harder to get rid of, I suppose."

I wrinkled my lips as I really gave a thought to taking him with me before giving him a scrutinizing look from head to toe. I did not like working in a team. Hell, I had not had such a long conversation with a semi-stranger for years.

Nevertheless, there was something that made me entertain his proposal."What proves to me that you're not going to screw up yet?"

The Captain winced at my word choice again before shrugging his shoulders. "Nothing."

"I don't work in a team." I recollected as a way of dissuading myself from accepting this stupid idea.

"Well, we will not work as a team. I don't really know the job of a private detective. Let's say ... Well, if you accept, I'll go with you." He corrected, giving me an uncertain look before quickly grinning as he hastened to retrace his steps. "Or not. Because you absolutely have the right not to want me-"

"Oh god, just shut up." I muttered in annoyance as I rushed at the tall blonde before surprising us both as I closed my fingers around his wrist before pulling him with me.

It was a bad idea.


	4. Good talk in a car

_Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud. Hermann Hesse_

* * *

The journey to the work of Declan had passed in a strangely comfortable silence between the tall blonde and myself.

I had dropped his wrist almost instantly after dragging him and he had been silent ever since. However, the Captain's posture was so imposing that it was impossible for me to simply ignore his presence. And those even though his footsteps were surprisingly stealthy and calm for someone his size. In a way, he reminded me in spite of himself of how Ben and I went out late at night just to get some fresh air or even enjoy the city we were living in. Obviously, he was totally the opposite of the man I loved but it was not as impersonal and strange as I had imagined. The silence between us was not even forced. We were just walking side by side like two normal people taking a late walk in the streets of DC. Except that we both wore caps and seemed to feel some desire to go unnoticed in the eyes of all. I had to admit that I appreciated Steve's effort to prove he was not as useless and clumsy as I thought. Obviously he was not. After all, he was Captain America and I was sure he was an efficient soldier but after the fiasco of my first spinning, I could not help feeling a slight mistrust of the blonde's abilities.

Honestly, silence was a peace of mind for anyone. Anyone but me and maybe even the soldier by my side. Because during this time, I could not help but remember our previous conversation. The one where he admitted that I was right.

If in normal times, anyone liked being right, it was one of the times I would have liked to have more control over my argumentative spirit. I could already feel the familiar itch along my veins screaming for a cigarette to relieve anxiety and pain.

However, I tried to contain this desire. After all, we were getting closer and closer to the target.

"So uh ... where are we going? "

Obviously, the soldier had had enough of the silence. I supposed he was still less accustomed than me to being locked in his thoughts. It took a while after all to support my own pain to the point where there was nothing left but apathy in response.

"Find a car."

I could already imagine the deep frown on the blonde's face as he immediately cast a confused look aside. "Find a car?"

Only, I was content to leave a simple, mysterious smile on my lips as I saw the object of our conversation. "And found it. Come on."

I waved my arm in his general direction without really looking at him before accelerating the pace towards our hideout for the night."What? Wait! "

"Just shut the hell up?" I hissed in a whisper as I joined the driver's side to force the lock before giving a warning look at the blond. "I warn you, you made me mess up one time. No two. "

The blonde immediately shrinks his barely visible blue eyes between his cap visor and the darkness before opening his eyes wide as the clique announcing the opening of the lock echoed in the deserted street. "Wait, did you just force the lock?"

"Well duh!" I replied without an ounce of remorse as I opened the door to enter before pausing to give him an impatient look. "C'mon, grandpa. I know you're the big Captain and all that shit but if you stay there, one of us will be arrested. And who will be in your opinion? The shady girl or the Star spangled man?"

I could see his incredulity quickly turning into annoyance as he snapped open the door before getting into the cockpit mumbling under his breath about my insults about his age. I gave a slight smirk in response before slamming the door behind me.

"Now what ?" He asked in frustration.

I removed my bag giving it a flat look before opening it to start to settle. "We're waiting."

There was a slight moment of flutter as the idea seemed to take hold in his little blonde head before he turned to me in realization. "Are you nuts? You want us to stay in a forced car-"

I ignored his timeless language and clutched my hands to avoid pinching my nose in frustration. I already regretted having taken him away.

"Temporarily forced." I immediately corrected just to face his reprimanded glare as I pointed the building right in front of us. "Do you see this building? This is where Declan Monagan works. He enters every evening at six and leaves early in the morning. He doesn't really have a particular time which has the gift of complicating the task. Anyway, I need a hideout to be able to take him on the fait accompli. "

"In a forced car."

"Whoa, the compass of morality of the year." I said sarcastically as I took out my glasses.

To my insult, the blonde immediately turned on his seat to glare at me in irritation. "Is everything really about sarcasm and impertinence with you? What will you do if you get caught?"

I cocked my jaw clearly annoyed now before pressing one of my hands on the steering wheel to face him. "First of all, to answer your question, pretty much. Then, are you sure to be the Captain America they all talk about?"

"What does that have to do with our situation? "

"Whoa and I thought your super_-je ne sais quoi_ would be useful." I commented barely before signing the car we were in and the others around through the windshield to support my point."Look around you. We're in one of DC's largest business districts. Half of the cars surrounding us are worth ... ten, fifteen times the one we are sitting in."

He followed my finger despite the annoyance still present on his carved face before a look of realization takes over.

He immediately turned to me with a look almost impressed. "You have already made a reconnaissance of the field."

"It's always useful." I agreed with a shrug of my shoulders before giving him a side look."Like that, I can know which car has an alarm or not."

Again, that look of judgment passed over his face as he gave a look of mistrust between the building further and me. "How many times have you followed him?"

"Enough to know that this guy deserved to rot in jail." I replied bitterly as I turned my eyes to the building with a scowl.

I could still feel the blonde's intense gaze at my side as he seemed in some kind of internal dilemma.

Unfortunately, I was not really in his head to find out what he really thought. Which had the gift of making me somewhat suspicious in my turn.

"You're not going to flip like a pussy and make a mess of everything, huh? "

Steve jerked his jaw to my insult before continuing a little longer to watch me in mistrust. Well, he was suspicious it was a fact. But I could see uncertainty and hesitation dancing behind his eyes. I waited a moment longer for his answer before deciding to be content with the fact that he had not knocked me out yet to sell me to the cop or the Avengers. Although it seemed ridiculous to think about it. I was far from competing with an Alien invasion. I let a snort escape me at the mere thought before shaking my head as I resumed my search through my bag. I slipped on my glasses ignoring the blond's look on my profile getting more and more annoying before taking out the two Starbucks iced coffees I had bought earlier. They were both initially for me but I assumed that if I could break up my antisocial character to let him accompany me then I could just as easily share.

"Coffee ?" I asked, handing him the plastic cup through the console before narrowing my nose at his obvious lack of response. "See? Hypocritical."

It seemed enough to get him out of his kind of silent bubble. "So what? I'm like everybody else. And you're the epitome of insolence. Do you hear me repeat it with each of your insults?"

"Well, you could." I replied quickly with mischief before giving him a serious look at the sight of his disillusioned expression. "Look, I'm insolent, rude, cantankerous and I probably have some anger issues. But you want to know what's the real difference between you and me, Captain? I don't lie to myself. And I'm sure like hell that I don't hide behind a national symbol."

I literally had to catch my breath at the end of my tirade before getting behind the wheel as I could feel the itchy effects in my limbs again.

I immediately took the iced coffee still in my hand to soothe my tense mind before taking a long sip under the captain's veiled eyes. He seemed once again troubled by my statement. As if he wanted to retort, but part of him knew I was right at some point.

Unfortunately, he decided to ignore me completely again, letting me give him a side look before taking another sip of my coffee rolling my eyes.

_Very well, I too could play the petulant child perfectly._

I settled more comfortably with my elbow against the edge of the door and rested my head against the palm of my hand. The coffee in the other hand, I took another sip as I focused on the building in front of us.

* * *

_It was going to be a long night._

"What did this man do?"

The question was so sudden that I almost jumped through my junk food raid. At this stage of the night, I almost forgot that Steve was even with me. He ended up having coffee after the second hour of monitoring and after that, he had not made any gestures reminding me of his presence.

It was a little past midnight now, half of the back seat was filled with food wrapping, which had given me several looks of reprimand and incredulity from the soldier by my side, and Steve seemed finally tired of the omnipresent silence.

I let out a sigh in the middle of my bite of chocolate bar before transferring my eyes as I recited the case monotonously."This coward disappeared five years ago, leaving his first wife and three children behind him. He took on a new identity, made a name for himself in his import-export business, and resumed his life with a crunchy diamond girl. To top it off, he took out loans under his former name leaving his first wife crumbling under debts."

The soldier seemed to become calm again under the weight of the misdeeds of our target before giving me a look of disbelief. "It's not supposed to be the job of the police to stop him?"

"Absolutely." I said sarcastically before giving him a sharp look while darkening my eyebrows. "But it's me that his wife came to find..."

"You followed him, spied on him and took photos against his will." Enumerated the blond, obviously disagreeing with my methods. "And you intend to break his life. I saw the woman in the restaurant, she was pregnant."

I stopped in my process to take a new bite to give him a murderous look. "And his other three children? His first wife? They don't have the right to a life too?"

"Of course yes but-" Steve narrowed his lips visibly into conflict on the subject.

I could understand where he came from. I had been so early in my career but having once been in the army had helped compartmentalized my thinking. There was always a black and white side in the army. So, the most important for me was my clients. The others were the enemies.

Nevertheless, I decided not to attack the blonde again, but try to show him my point of view."Don't think like Steve Rogers the bullfighter's detractor but earlier as the soldier. Think of it as one of your missions. I mean ... you have a job right now, right?"

Almost instantly his shoulders seemed to stiffen at the mention of his work making me frown on the blonde. Certainly, he had a job. He was working with the Avengers or whatever.

"Yeah, I have a job." He finally replied between his clenched teeth showing his enthusiasm about it. "But I doubt it could help me to see the good side."

"That's bad, huh?"

The blonde seemed surprised by my relatively soft tone letting me look at his eyes again on me in uncertainty. Once again, he seemed to be going through a kind of conflict as he nodded slowly.

I mentally weighed the pros and cons to continue this subject before leaning my head against the headrest to look at him more carefully. "What does the great Captain America do these days?"

"Why you want to know ?"

I immediately raised my hands as a sign of defense before deciding that it required too much energy to converse with the man. He was definitely confusing. I turned my attention to the bag now on my thighs before leaving a humming contentment at the sight of the ice cream.

I took out the spoon of its wrapping before stopping me in the sound of the blonde's voice. "I work for a governmental organization."

"You? For the government?" I repeated with a deep sense of disbelief since it was not at all like his character in the books. "Nah, you're bullshitting me."

However, I did not expect the blond's totally confused expression as he frowned at me. It took me a while to realize that he just did not understand what I was saying.

"Whoa, you're really old." I snorted, shaking my head before letting fatigue take the turn of the conversation. "Do you even understand half of my insults?"

"I don't need to know what it means to know that it's offensive." He grumbled under his breath as he readjusted himself in his seat as if trying to flee my observation.

I let a slight smile on my lips, tilting my head in agreement before giving more interest to the blonde.

I readjusted in my turn to better observe him before creasing my lips in curiosity. "What are you here for?"

"What do you mean ?" He asked immediately in confusion. "Like in DC?"

But part of me suspected he already knew what I meant. "Like here. In this car. With me. Clearly, it's not for my likeable personality."

"Of course. " The blonde snorted, taking both of us by surprise as he almost immediately glanced at me uncertainly as if he had just made a mistake.

Probably a reprimand of his time not to insult a lady. Lady. I still could not believe he had me like that.

Conversely, I let a slight smile bend my lips showing that his honest answer had not offended me in the slightest.

He seemed to swallow a moment making me raise an eyebrow as I could already feel the lie even before hearing it. " I told you. I made a mistake. I must correct it."

"Whoa, you suck at lying." I said shaking my head as I realized he was not so far from the picture of the perfect Captain.

However, the blonde was quick to turn the cards."And you ? What are you really doing here?"

"I do my job ?" I asked sarcastically, receiving a similar expression of mine earlier as I wrinkled my lips as I turned my eyes to the windshield as I felt compelled to elaborate. "I do this job because I need it to be able to turn off my brain. And it only happens when I focus on investigating. It's quite overwhelming that I totally stop worrying about others but the target."

Once again, the blond did not seem to be expecting such an honest answer as he sat silent for a moment to reflect on my words. I suspected that he had to face a similar moment to the one he had made me suffer in front of the store earlier.

"And it really helps you?" He asked finally after a beating of silence before giving me a sideways look in expectancy.

I narrowed my lips without giving him a look before taking a scoop of ice cream with this idea in my mind.

I took a moment to appreciate the freshness and aroma of the ice before resting the spoon in the pot to give him a questioning look." I don't know. Does that help you to be here?"

Steve nodded in my direction with a visibly comprehensive expression before returning his eyes to the windshield. "I guess it's an improvement. It gives me something to do. A goal."

I could not stop the frown on my forehead as I began to realize that the Captain and I had thoughts that were all too similar. For some reason, I felt as if I was naked and even though I was pretty sure that most of the DC women from all over America would not be upset by this specimen, I felt very uncomfortable.

Hence the reason why I decided to change completely the register of this conversation too serious for my taste. "C'mon. Did you look at yourself? I'm sure you already have all your evenings planned."

Unfortunately, it seems that my attempt was completely unnoticed as he gave me a confused look.

"Serious? Are you telling me that you have not had a single date since you came out of the fridge? Unbelievable."

Steve immediately changed his expression of confusion to that of discomfort and boredom in the realization. "Hey, you know what...neighbor."

"Oh, my, my… I am practically sure that half of the women of our building if it's not the entire building would be ready to skip your bones. And that also includes Mrs. Ramirez and Tom Hardgerton."

Unsurprisingly, Steve suddenly gave a cough to my outspoken talk before allowing me to see a slight blush on his cheeks in embarrassment.

I shook my head immediately before letting a slight smile on my lips. "Man, I have not seen anyone so prudish since ... well, never."

"You certainly get the worst faults in people, huh?" Steve asked with slight annoyance making me smile more as I could still see the blushes at the end of his ears. "And then, how do you know Mrs. Ramirez? I'm the only one you avoid ?"

"Whoa, be careful here, Captain. One could almost believe that you are annoyed by the fact that I avoid you."

The blond surprisingly let a small smile curl his lips as to give me a side look."Well I would say that you seem to have a little personal vendetta against me but I'm afraid you're saying I'm presumptuous so ..."

"Yeah, that's very likely." I agreed with a smile of my own before giving him a new smirk."But really ? No date?"

Steve rolled his eyes at my insistence before giving me a sharp look in response. "I have not really met anyone who shared the same life experience as me."

"Right. It could be complicated. "

I turned my attention to the windshield with a slight breath in agreement before stiffening myself despite me to the next question of the blond. "So ... you? Do you ... well, have you-"

"No. "

A heavy silence accompanied my cold response forcing me to take a careful look at Steve to see him gauging me in uncertainty again. It was as if he was trying to unravel a mystery.

At this very moment, I would have liked to be able to smoke or even take my pills without being able to compromise this spinning. But I had to admit that I should have seen him coming. After all, I was the only one to put this situation on my shoulders.

So, I had at least an honest and direct answer far more than no for the tall blonde by my side. In spite of the fact that he was still a mere acquaintance at best, he had been honest enough until now and I enjoyed playing on equal ground.

"I was married. For three years at Ben Dimarco. We dated a little over two years ago. He died in an operation in Afghanistan."

I had long since realized that if I presented the thing clinically it was easier for me to voice the reality. During the first year, I was totally impossible to say it openly without collapsing. Now it was still very hard and I did not say that I was feeling this strong compression in my trachea, but now I could say that he was gone.

"Which army corps?"He asked calmly.

He did not really need to know the details to understand. At least I appreciated that he did not initially offer his condolences like most people. I could not really stay calm in the face of pity.

I still avoided his gaze as I squeezed my grip with my right hand on the steering wheel. "Us Navy."

"I'm sorry. "

"Yeah, me too. "

A silence settled between us letting my head rest against the headrest. I closed my eyelids for a moment before feeling that pressure behind my eyelids again. I could already feel the fatigue taking a turn forcing me to reopen almost immediately my eyes in a fight against sleep.

Steve seemed fully aware of this fact as he let a slight smile heard stretching his full lips."Tired? "

"Well, we've been in this car for a little over four hours now so ..." I readjusted in my seat to support my point before suddenly frowning as I gave a new look at the blond in curiosity. "Do you even feel tired? I mean, that's what your kind of power does, right? A kind of extended improvement of your metabolism."

The smile already on his lips seemed to extend more as he gave me a look almost amused."You really don't know much about me, huh?"

"History has never been my forte."

"It's something that pre-serum Steve could have shared with you." He let out a breath of laughter, immediately making me gauge him with disbelief.

"You don't just ... oh my god, you just talked about yourself in the third person." I exclaimed, pointing at him, picking a grimace of the blonde in shame. "Seriously? I was just beginning to think you were bearable at best."

"Whoa, that's a big improvement in the ladder of relationships." Steve commented with sarcasm making my eyes open wide this time.

It was probably the second time he showed that side of him making me smile again as I shook my head in the entertainment. "Ladies and gentlemen here, is the true face of Captain America. A real little sassy under this mask of goodness incarnate."

To my surprise, Steve let out a hilarious laugh as he gave me a side look in amusement. And for some reason, I found myself smiling back. It was not one of its forced smiles but a real smile as I used to be used to. It was not as authentic and innocent as it had been once but different than the ones, I had given in the last three years.

Not that I'm really aware of it otherwise I would definitely have checked my next words. "I always knew that I had to be wary of beautiful people. Ben was and-"

The light, almost jovial mood darkened almost instantly as I wrinkled my lips before swallowing at the sudden tension between us.

"You want ... do you want to talk about him? Of Ben ?"

I froze from the moment as his name passed his lips as my grip already tighten on the steering wheel tightened more. I took a deep breath before I quickly turned my eyes away from his strangely appealing ocean blue eyes to make me confess my darkest truths. I blinked several times to try to get out of this kind of mist making me act strangely open and vulnerable.

Fortunately or unfortunately depending on the point of view, I was not long in coming out of my confusing bubble as a certain Declan Monagan chose this exact moment to make his appearance.

"Holy shit! I've got you !" I exclaimed, repeatedly pressing my camera on my glasses as Declan came out of the building with his briefcase.

He wore a three-piece suit perfectly matching his bony figure making me squint my lips as I could see the considerable differences between him and his first wife.

"These glasses ..."

I immediately glanced at the tall blond in his strangely dark tone before I reminded me not to look him in the eye. That alone reminded me of who he was and what I had also accomplished in the last few years. I was not an open person anymore for a while and I did not expect to be back anytime soon. Tonight, had been a one-time experience to allow him to correct his strange mistake. We had come to some sort of compromise so that I would probably no longer run into him to chart my path but that was all it was. I had no desire to further develop what was obviously there. I was certainly not ready to get to know someone again.

The last person I got to know was Kate and it was by necessity. Robbie being another about Sam and Alma, they were the only two constant reminders of a life I could have had. Even though they were probably the hardest to face each time, they were also like a booster shot. To remind me that I was still alive when Ben was no longer alive.

I could not afford to do that to any of them. And to be honest, I did not want to. I never intended to rekindle these deep emotions buried in the depths of my being. I just wanted to keep going without having to worry about anyone.

I had dug a hole big enough to get lost and I did not expect to find the exit anytime soon. Not if it allowed me not to feel these emotions too deeply. Not if it allowed me to manage the pain as I was managing it right now. I could not contain more pain.

With this realization in mind, I released my throat awkwardly before starting to rid the packaging on the back seat.

"What's going on now?" Asked the blond, visibly confused by my silence.

I kept throwing garbage in my backpack without even looking at him."I will send the photos to my client and she will handle the situation in her own way. "

"That's all ?" Exclaimed the blonde in annoyance.

Strangely, I did not need to see him to imagine his confused and disappointed expression letting me realize how dangerous his presence was for my barriers built so well over the years. That was probably why I fell back into my usual aggression. " That's all. If you miss action, take your small governmental organization with you and stop it for what I care!"

I quickly opened the door by supporting my backpack before quickly going around the hood just to be block by this irritating mountain of muscles.

"Wait, Danae!"

He raised his hand intending to touch me before stopping half-way making me lift my eyes between his hand and his face in an uncomfortable feeling. I could see his icy blue eyes tracing the contours of my face with that same puzzled expression.

Finally, he lowered his hand to his side allowing me to take advantage of the opening to bypass him but not without reminding him that his mistake had been repaired.


	5. One those days

_We think too muck and feel too little._

* * *

Today was going to be one of those days. The one where my patience was tested, my mind went in all directions and very bad decisions came from it.

To be honest, I was in a bad mood for over a week now. Fucking Steve Rogers had really managed to mess with my brain. For some reason, I could not help but think back to the blond in a mix of conflicting emotions and for someone who had allowed himself to feel the bare minimum during the last three years, it had been so draining. I did not even know how he managed to put such a mess in my monotonous routine in a single night.

For someone who seemed barely able to speak to a woman without blushing like a robin, he was rather good at interfering in their minds. And it was not even a question of physical attraction. He had managed to awaken old wounds in me that I had thought for a long time buried. And I did not even mention the new questions he had raised.

Everything in everything, he had been a big topic of thought during the last week and I hated it. Not to mention that we were the first Friday of the month and like every first Friday of every month, I plunged into a torment of emotion leading to an infamous night of endless drinks.

And I thought again.

I let out a frustrated groan as I let myself fall heavily into my office chair before moving forward to plant my face in my stack of files lying on my desk. At this point, I could very well have stayed in this position until the paper formed grooves along my skin.

Unfortunately, it was one of those days and as usual, a sudden knock on my office door interrupted my small breakdown. I released a deep breath from the bottom of my chest before straightening up by removing my curls from my face just to squint at the sight of the police detective entering my office without my permission.

"I don't think I said to enter."

"And I don't care. I allowed myself." Khallahan replied arrogantly making me involuntarily cringe as he pointed the side of my cheek with a sharp look. "You have a little something. Paper."

I hurriedly pulled the paper from my cheek in a shared sense of irritation and embarrassment before crossing my arms over my chest as I gauged the man in front of me.

To be honest, I did not really know how I was doing to support him. He was absolutely everything I hated and he knew how to exasperate me as a person. Well maybe not as much as the Captain but it was a different subject altogether. Yeah, we did not talk about my neighbor anymore.

I shook my head imperceptibly at this thought before turning my attention to the brown taking the seat in front of me as if my office belonged to him.

Jay Khallahan was the typical example of the good cop. And the example sometimes to explain why I distrusted people with attractive physiques. A small haircut of an ocher brown with several strands of gelled hair on top in a messy style. A pair of hazel eyes which gave him a gloomy look and a distinctly cut dark brown beard covered his prominent jaw. He was one and a half meters tall and had a good mass of muscles that could make any lad-woman crossing his path turn pale.

_Since when I found myself talking like Steve ? Gosh, that was really going to be a problem._

I was clenching my jaw as I tried to keep my interest on Khallahan and gave him a murderous look in boredom. "What would you have done if I were in full consultation? "

"Well, you know I'm cop right?" The brown replied, leaning more against the back of the seat before nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders."I would have shown my badge."

I let an annoyed hiss between my lips to his intelligent remark before copying his position in impatience." What do you want ?"

"Right to the point, Dimarco. Like always." Sigh the brown as he tilted his head to the side with a slight grimace before bending down with his hands crossed over the top of my desk."You've already heard about DC's arms and human smuggling with the Russian mafia in New York."

I frowned slightly in recognition. "The one staying in Hell's Kitchen you mean."

"Yeah. My team and I managed to trace their way of exchange." He explained seriously, stoking my interest in spite of myself. "Figure that they use DC art galleries to transport their weapons. They hide weapons in works of art and take the opportunity to pass women and children through containers. They have planned a big exchange in the weeks to come. We still must find the right date."

I shook my head in attention before leaning my head in attitude as I narrowed my eyes at the big brown in mistrust. "And? If you came here to boast of your finds, don't count on me to give you a sticker. I'm short of."

"Cute. But outdate coming from you."The brown said with a forced smile making me roll my eyes before he resumed seriously. "But I didn't come for that. One of my teammates died last night. I had sent him on an undercover mission. It turns out that he was recognized by one of ours. The station is corrupt, Danae."

I swallowed at the agreement of his use of my full name as I realized how much it mattered to him. He seemed darker and visibly under the effect of anger and indignation. He was repugnant to the idea that some of his colleagues were working in traffic with the Russians. And even more than he had sent one of his men right into a trap.

Obviously, it was a recent find, letting me take a much closer look at the brown.

Now that I thought about it, he seemed more tense and closed than usual. His smile did not fully reach his eyes and light bags had formed under his eyes. The concern and the feeling of betrayal was clearly visible on his face.

"You know who they are?" I asked seriously since it was a subject obviously serious for him.

Khallahan looked tired in my direction before leaning his head as he leaned against the back of his seat. "Bill said a name before cutting off our communication. But I can't really go headlong now, can I?"

The frustration was clear in his tone letting me shake my head as I gave him a look in expectancy." What are you going to do ?"

"Well, that's the reason for my coming." He declared with a sudden spark of hesitation and uncertainty in his tone. "I know it's a lot to ask and you really have nothing to do with the police but ... I need your expertise."

This time, I widened my eyes visibly surprised at the sight of the embarrassed and bored expression of the brown.

Clearly asked for favors to one and the other was not really our forte.

Hence the reason why a smirk was soon on my lips in satisfaction. "Sorry, I didn't really catch what you were trying to imply."

"Don't make me repeat myself, Dimarco." He scoffed hoarsely as he gave me an impatient glance making me smile more.

"What do you want from me ?"

At the sight of my interested expression, Khallahan leaned back on the desk in a hurry: "You graduated from a photography school and you know a little bit about art. Even my men leave something to be desired in the face of your infiltration skills."

I immediately frowned at his suspicious praise before giving him a suspicious look. "I'm not sure I appreciate your flattery, Khallahan. Not if it implies what I think."

"Think about it, Dimarco. None of the men in the station know who you are." He said fervently."Your experience in the army makes you less vulnerable and I know you can take care of yourself. You know what you're doing and you're trained to act under cover. I don't know anyone else so qualified as you."

I raised an eyebrow in surprise clearly caught off guard before quickly composing my expression reluctantly. "What makes me not die? Because let's be honest, there is a good chance that I will end up with a bullet in the front or worse, sold for the Russians. And I prefer to tell you, I'm not very fond of New York at this time of the year."

Khallahan rolled his eyes at my overdose of sarcasm before going into an explanation of an elaborate plan. I had to admit that his idea held out. I should infiltrate the organization like a novice journalist eager to get a scoop.

Khallahan had managed to obtain vital information through his mole and had thus been able to identify the behaviors and plausible reactions of Russian assholes. He even brought the plans for the Russian warehouse just behind an art gallery to explain the progress of the mission. He had already been through and through in preparing for this mission and I was almost touched by the work he had done to ensure my safety. It also meant that I could not really refuse to participate in his plan. Not to mention that I did not really have to refuse. It had been a while since I had felt a real adrenaline rush. At least, not like the ones I had on the field.

A small part of my brain reminded me of the real reason why I suddenly wanted to put my life in danger but I tried to silence it with a well-placed insult.

As I predicted, it was one of those days when I made bad decisions.

* * *

I was trying to put Khallahan's plan and impromptu coming into the back of my mind as I made my way to the little cafe where Robbie had arranged to meet me for lunch. She seemed divided between excitement and hesitation when she asked me to join her. She had said that she and Davis, her husband, had something important to tell me.

Now, they were already married and I knew for a fact that Robbie was not really inclined to hide me anything so I did not really have a clue of what she wanted to tell me. Not to mention that I was not really the most cheerful person. Especially at this moment, the slightest happy thought just seemed to escape me.

I took a last puff of my cigarette as I approached the little cafe before advancing towards the entrance. I was not long in seeing the famous couple through the windows making me slightly frown as I could see their expressions visibly nervous. If I had to be honest with myself, I had to admit that a small part of me was envious of Robbie. More of what she and Davis had. They were still together and seemed to live the perfect love. They moved side by side as I could never move alongside Ben. It was pathetic honestly but I could not help but envy them. That was one of the reasons I measured my encounters with them.

It was hard to keep my emotions under control when I had to look at the exact memory of what I had lost with a plastered smile on my lips. I could already feel my flight instinct at the mere sight of the duo.

Unfortunately, it seemed like I was not fast enough since Robbie was quick to spot me too. She immediately made me sign to join them through the window letting me wrinkle my lips in a last effort to close my emotions.

I threw the cigarette butts on the floor before stepping on it as I took a deep breath before finally making my way to the cafe.

"And there, look who's here."Hail Davis at once with his usual white-toothed smile worthy of a commercial. "If it's not our grumpy cat. C'mon, in my arms, Dimarco."

I gave a flat look at the tall, sandy blond before leaning forward to accept his side hug under Robbie's playful laughter.

"Ew, is it even normal to be so happy in DC?" I asked, settling on the free stool before giving an incredulous look at Robbie. "Not but … I'm serious."

The brunette with the skin kissed by the sun and the sweet mix of her parents nodded her head with a smile before bringing her hand to rehost her husband with affection. " Don't listen to her. She's just anti-smiling."

Davis let another smile curl his lips before bending over to his wife to whisper 'grumpy cat' in her direction letting me roll my eyes to their little demonstration.

"You're disgusting to watch."

"Nah, you're just jealous." Robbie taunted as she settled back on her stool clearly ignorant of how right she was.

I swallowed, briefly turning my eyes to her jab before returning my eyes to the waitress approaching us. I ordered a simple breakfast while Robbie ordered three portions of chicken wings, two portions of French fries and a large coke. And those just for her.

Now, it was not really a subject to bring much thought but I could not help but immediately cast a questioning look on Davis as the waitress left our table with the promise of the arrival of our food promptly.

The tall blond with broad shoulders reminding me strangely of another blond living right next to Kate and I simply widens his scarlet smile, if it was even possible and gave a look at his wife. Robbie and Davis were totally opposed in every point. Be it, in terms of physics, profession and personalities. And yet, they were probably the best pair I knew. They worked perfectly together.

One was fair-haired with a stature worthy of an athlete and the other brunette with long smooth hair and a slight miscegenation accentuating her beauty in every point. She literally had a body to fall and an even more endearing personality. The proof, she had managed to pass my barriers in the space of a few weeks and even Davis at some point had succeeded.

"So ... we have something important to tell you." Robbie suddenly started with an almost worried expression making me frown at the pair.

I wrinkled my lips in uncertainty since I was not really a fan of surprise before displaying an exhausted expression in the realization. "If that's still one of your couple interventions-"

"We're pregnant."

I stopped at Robbie's nervous announcement, as I could feel the shock slowly appearing on my face. I immediately moved my eyes on her stomach visibly more swollen than normal and quickly connected the points. I silently shifted my gaze between the duo as I could see their expression full of expectation becoming more and more worried about my silence. It was definitely not what I expected when Robbie had arranged to meet me.

"Please, say something." Davis begged for my visibly alarming silence.

Finally, I let the news hit me hard letting me curl my lips in a real smile despite the slight sting of pain along my trachea. "You are ... oh my god, Robbie ... it's great ..."

I immediately went down from my stool to embrace the brunette. Robbie let out a huff of laughter visibly relieved by my reaction before squeezing me as close as possible despite the little bump now between us. I suddenly found myself supporting myself on her shoulders as I could vaguely feel the puncture of tears behind my eyes.

"I'm so relieved that you react like that." Robbie whispered with her own tears as she hugged me more. "I didn't want to ... well, your opinion matters a lot to me and I really wanted it to be as good news for you as it was for us."

"Of course I'm happy for you. I could not react otherwise." I assured myself, despite the fact that I could feel the emotions struggling in a whirlwind of agony and sadness beneath the surface.

Despite the fact that I was sincerely happy for the couple, I could not help but feel that old pain again along my limbs. It was as if the ghost feeling was back in my own stomach as I sniffed distractedly.

"Oh my ... are you crying, Dimarco?" Davis teased as he joined us forcing me to detach myself from his wife to cover my flood of emotion with a snort.

"Please, me? Cry ?" I replied in a slightly trembling voice before turning back to Robbie or rather the little bump adorning her belly with my outstretched hands. "Look at yourself, you already show. How many months ?"

I did not really dare to lay my hands on her belly since I remembered hating when people thought they could touch me just because I had a watermelon-sized bump instead of a belly. Only it did not seem like a problem for Robbie as she took my hands to lay them on her belly with a mega-watt smile. "I'm going into the fourth month. We will know the sex at the next ultrason."

"That's great." I asked in a slightly shaky voice, breaking Robbie's warm smile a little as she noticed the slight change in my expression.

She immediately tried to rub her thumbs affectionately on top of my hands still on her belly before giving me an uncertain look. "Are you really happy for us?"

"Of course. "I assured myself without hesitation this time before enjoying the waitress's return with us to cut a plausible uncomfortable conversation. "Hey, it looks like our dishes are there."

At the mere mention of food, Robbie seemed to totally forget our conversation letting me breathe under my breath as I settled back on the stool.

"Thank god, I'm starving."

"You're always hungry." Davis quipped, immediately making me look wide-eyed at the big blond as I noticed his wife's retaliatory look.

The latter immediately gave a nudge in his side making me hold a snort as she shook her head annoyingly. "I'm the one suffering from nausea, insomnia, back pain and a frantic desire to go to the bathroom every freaking second. So, if I want a double or triple portion, I will have a triple portion."

The almost frightened expression on Davis's face made me automatically scoff in the fun. It was probably the best moment of my day as I watched the tall, muscular blonde get intimidated by the little brunette barely taller than me.

"Whoa, the hormones hit you hard." I commented with amusement, receiving in turn a warning glance from the brunette.

She pointed her index finger in my direction before taking a mouthful of her plate clearly bored by the barrier our conversation had just put between her and her food.

I looked at her with a real smile as she left a hum of contentment before turning my attention to Davis as he gave an uncertain look in response to his wife's antiques before turning to me."So ... we wanted to know if you would accept to be the godmother of our little bowler?"

Once again, the duo had managed to shock me in a matter of seconds as I glanced between the couple in disbelief. I was not the model role of a godmother. And again, they wanted me to be a part of their baby's life.

To be honest, I was not sure that was a good idea.

I felt my eyes land again on Robbie's little bump as a feeling of nostalgia and envy assailed me again before leaving an imperceptible breath between my lips.

I swallowed to swallow the bubble of emotion along my trachea before transferring my eyes to the duo's expectational expressions. "Do you ... really want me to be the godmother of your child?"

"Well duh." Robbie commented, rolling her eyes as if it was the most lucid choice for her. "I still think it's thanks to you that Davis and I met. And then, I don't see anyone else besides you who could fill that role."

This time, I covered the emotion through a flat look at her explanation before giving a sarcastic look at the duet. "Getting Davis to be shot after being chased by thugs is hardly what I call an organized meeting."

It turned out that I first met Davis as part of my job. The blond was once part of a shady company and he had found key information to make them dive. Being an embarrassing witness, his bosses had tried to taunt him of the equation. And this idiot had decided that coming to my office was much safer for seeking help than going to the police.

In the end, they had sent a team to eliminate him before I could tell him to get the hell out of my office. So, I was also the target of their team letting me react on the moment. I'd immediately jumped on Davis to knock him down before I let a whistling sound at the sensation of blood under my hand. He had not been lethally hit but the blood loss would have killed him if I had not taken him to see Robbie. Eventually, I managed to contact Khallahan and eventually put up witness protection for Davis in exchange for the information he had.

After that, it was history.

But still. Davis insisted visibly the same as his wife before quickly pointing the elephant in the room. "So ... are you going to give us an answer or torture us further?"

"Hmm, torture sound good."

"Dee! Don't mess with me right now." Robbie whispered, pointing at me again before realizing her slip."Whoa, I think I scare myself."

Honestly, I was sincerely beginning to think that we had changed our personality. It was almost disturbing.

I let out a breath of laughter before nodding in acceptance. "Yeah. Yeah, I agree to be the godmother."

* * *

Despite the fact that I was sincerely happy for the couple and sincerely touched by the position of trust they offered me, I could not help but find myself again beset by my feelings. Hence the reason I decided to close the practice for the rest of the day. I had too much thought scorning my mind and I was simply unable to do anything without leaning against the window with a cigarette in my hand.

I ended up taking my pills before deciding to simply escape as long as possible from my own mind.

For me, this meant a race around the park closest to my neighborhood. I did not even count the turns or even took into account the pain in my lungs with each breath. I simply let the hormone dose take over as I left all my worries behind me for the benefit of the exercise.

I totally ignored the slenderness in my legs as I just numb most of my main duties. Instead, I let myself go completely as I could feel a thin stream of sweat gleaming along my limbs. My sportswear stuck to my skin and some ebony brown hair curls had escaped from my messy bun on the top of my head.

I let myself go to our building by simple habit before continuing my run through the stairs. I skipped the stairs one by one keeping my breath under control despite the sub-adjacent fires along my lungs. Clearly, smoking had the gift of making running a real test.

I ended up stopping abruptly on the doorstep of my apartment finally letting me catch my breath. I was standing slightly on the wall to calm my rapid beat against my ribcage. Once breathing no longer seemed like a feat, I allowed myself to press my forehead against the closed door of the apartment. I seemed suddenly overwhelmed by the emotions I had kept under the lid all day long.  
Anger after my usual nightmares, fear, excitement, joy, sadness and finally, the agonizing pain of his absence. I felt a single tear drop down my left cheek, forcing me to sweep it away quickly with the back of my hand.

I took a fresh breath to try to calm the tremors in my hands before straightening myself with the intention of entering the safety of my apartment.

Unfortunately, when I turned the handle, I had the infamous surprise that the door was closed.

Kate was still at the apartment when I went out and she did not seem to be about to leave anytime soon since she was in front of this Spanish telenovela. Usually, she spent hours watching these ridiculous stories of betrayed and love.

Hence the reason why I used to not take my keys with me when I left the apartment.

Clearly it was a mistake.

I could feel that anger flooding my veins again as I struggled on the handle in frustration.

At least it was before light footsteps coming from my right beckoned me. A tiny ounce of hope pointed the tip of his nose as I expected to see Kate. Only I hastened immediately to drop an oath at the sight of the famous blonde neighbor whose I had striven to ignore the presence during the majority of the week.

The latter seemed equally surprised to see me how he stopped briefly in his approach before quickly compose his expression. I had to admit he was quick to hide his emotions.

Just like I was, to be honest.

I also masked my frustration as I looked for my keys through the pockets of my yoga pants.

"Danae. "Recognized the blonde as he walked around me slightly to reach his apartment.

I gave him a simple nod in response as I could feel my dry throat sting in the wrong direction. I listened carefully as he dug his key into his lock before finally releasing the breath I had held since his appearance.

For some reason, the Captain had the gift of making me strangely uncomfortable and it was not the right kind of discomfort. He confronted me too easily with my old demons and I cannot let myself be swallowed again by this ounce of despair. I managed to swallow all these emotions for the moment and I was definitely not ready to reopen the pandora box anytime soon.

On the other hand, I was at the door, sweating and I was so thirsty. I was too lazy to go back to my office to get my extra key and I just did not want to call Kate to disturb her. It was a tacit rule between us. Until now, we had never gone out of our way of civility. We were concerned about each other in a certain way, but there was always this strange, invisible barrier between us. And I was pretty sure it was not just me. Kate was not totally honest with me and she already knew I had suspicions. It was not difficult to understand from my behavior.

Finally, I found myself in a dead end.

My eyes involuntarily turned to the next door, making me shake my head as I muttered under my breath my objection. I could not test my barriers again like that. Besides, I was quite certain that I had interrupted every ounce of friendship emerging between the tall blonde and me on this sidewalk.

But I was fucking thirsty.

Without really realizing it, my body deviated by itself to the door and even before I could fully realize my gesture, I had hit my fist against the smooth surface.

I was so in an autopilot haze that I even surprised myself to jump slightly as the tall blond behind the door answered with such a surprised expression. "Danae? "

Nevertheless, I quickly composed my expression in my usual sass as I forced my way into his apartment. "Move. I'm locked outside my apartment and I'm thirsty."

Once again, the blonde seemed too surprised to even stop me and I took a pause in the entrance of his living room as I took in his interior with slight fascination.

Despite the fact that I was terrible in history, I had always been fascinated by the retro years and I could not really stop myself from having a little bit of fangirling moment at the sight of the record player currently on play.

"Oh my god, is it an original record player? And look at this, it's a real poster of the... Dodgers?"I left my tone diminished in the end since ... _well Dodgers_… before pivoting on my heels to give a disapproving look at the stagnant blond currently behind me with a look of total disbelief. "Dodgers, really?"

However, he seemed to quickly pick up on his surprise again as he narrowed his ocean-blue eyes on my form as a warning sign.

"Fine. I wouldn't say anything about your choice obviously wro-"I stopped as he crossed his wide arms on his chest giving me that famous look to let me shrug my shoulders as I turned to the record player or rather his vinyl selection . "Whoa, it's definitely classics. "

I heard a short sigh behind me in defeat as the blond seemed to decide to just go with my confusing character. I only glanced over my shoulder as I heard his footsteps go away, letting me see his powerful back slipping away to a new entrance. Probably the kitchen if I thought the sound of opening a closet followed by a slight flow of water.

I found myself strangely smiling as I allowed myself a new look at the apartment around me.

It was definitely a male apartment. There was a slight caramel touch along the walls and vintage frames on some walls. A record player in the corner, an armchair looking pretty comfortable next to a small table with a lamp on the right corner and a sofa in the other with a modern TV. But what caught my attention was the huge book-filled bookshelf on the farthest corner. I almost felt the urge to cross the room to further encroach on the blond's life. I assumed that going around his home without his agreement was enough for today.

I suddenly turned on myself to the agreement of steps again not letting me take notice of the glass of water in his hand."Here. You said you were thirsty, right? "

I nodded my head as I could feel this dryness again along my throat before crossing the few strides that separated us with a quick step to take the glass of his hands. I swallowed it contents in a whisper under the incredulous and slightly amused eyes of Steve as he leaned against the crack.

I was even going to leave a gasp of contentment as I licked the remaining moisture of my lips."Oh god, note to me, running is bad."

"You go running?" Asked the blond not far from me reminding me of his presence.

I lowered the glass by my side before signing my outfit in evidence."Nah, I just have a problem with excessive sweating and a penchant for yoga pants."

"Funny." Steve commented with a flat look in my direction before stepping into the living room to retrieve the glass. "So ... you're locked up outside your apartment…"

I gave him the glass making a point of avoiding his fingers at all costs before shrugging my shoulders as I let myself lulled into a false sense of security at the agreement of jazz music. "Kate is usually here when I get home. I didn't think about taking my keys."

Steve nodded with a slight hum in understanding before leaving a heavy silence in his wake. I wrinkled my lips as I realized that the last time we met this ended on a negative note. In fact, the least of our interactions had ended on a negative note.

I winced at the reminder before shaking my head as I turned to the blonde in a rush."I should"

"Listen, Danae-"

I immediately frowned at the even more embarrassing situation if possible before giving him a bored look. "Okay, it's even more awkward than I thought."

"Yeah." Steve grimaced, rubbing his neck with a slight grimace, letting me snap my tongue against my teeth.

"I'd better go. "

Steve frowned quickly in response. "You said you were at the door."

"Yep. And I still am." I conceded, raising a finger before starting to move in the direction of the exit. "But I still have my office. I was just too lazy to go. Thanks for the glass of water, I guess."

"Wait." Hail suddenly the blonde making me turn in my steps with an arched eyebrow in sign of waiting. "I mean ... if you want, if you want ... could you stay here to wait for Kate? I have nothing against a little company."

Again, I felt this pushing me to accept the proposition only a more rational thought reminded me that today had already been enough of a disaster to add time with the Captain.

Nevertheless, I felt almost bad as I watched his nervous expression decompose a little more as I let a slight sigh leave my lips. "Maybe another time, Cap."

"Steve." The blonde shouted again in my dash, making me glance over my shoulder slightly confused. "You can call me by my name, you know."

I looked thoughtful before letting my shoulders shrink as I was really heading for the door this time. "Until the next time ... _Steve_. "


	6. Everything will be okay in the end

_Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end. Unknow_

* * *

Honestly, it was not how Alfie had planned the end of his evening. He was the boss of a bar for God's sake, not a taxi driver.

This girl was really lucky that he liked her otherwise he would have kicked her from his bar the moment she took this bottle from his bar without his permission. Though, thinking about it, he may have been at fault as well. Maybe he should not have left the bottle in the first place.

One thing was certain for Alfie; he was definitely too old for that shit. Even more to ride all those freaking stairs. Damn, he was too kind for his own good.

Finally, he reached the top floor. The one she had whispered to him through her drunkenness. Once again, he found himself shaking his head in annoyance as he headed straight for the back door totally ignoring the one on his right. He squeezed his bony fist firmly before giving three free knocks against the smooth surface. He could vaguely hear a male voice asking him to wait quickly followed by light footsteps approaching.

Damn, these apartments were seriously lacking insulation.

However, he definitely did not expect to meet that fucking muscle mountain once the door opened.

He was literally taking a step back as the young man gave him a totally confused look. "I can help you sir?"

He seemed like a good type of guy for Alfie but considering the situation he was reserving some doubt.

Poor little girl. How could he let her drink as much every first Friday of the month?

With a look of complete judgment on his face wrinkled by the years, he gave a look at the boy in front of him. "Ben? Ben Dimarco?"

"I think you're-" He paused suddenly in his answer before giving a split look between the confusion and slight concern. "Ben Dimarco you said ?"

"That's what I said, kid. You're deaf or what?" Alfie grumbled visibly tired of the whole situation in general. "You're this Ben or no? Because I have his wife completely passed out in my back seat and-"

"Danae? What happened to her? Where is she ?" The big guy asked quickly as he left his apartment without even taking the time to think.

Alfie had to admit that he was almost surprised by the young man's attitude, but after hearing all her drunk stories about the man she loved, he could see that he might have been mistaken about him.

"Follow me." He promptly swiveled on his heels, letting the big blond follow him as he left his thoughts in the open air."A little advice, kid, don't let your wife drink so much. She comes every first Friday of the month to try to swallow her weight in alcohol. It's only because I like this girl that I didn't fire her from my bar. Again, maybe I shouldn't have let her drink that bottle she took behind my back while I was serving another client."

Alfie stormed along the last steps of the little girl's building completely ignorant of the anger and growing concern in the big soldier's chest behind him. He still tried to hold the door to the big blond as he made his way down the sidewalk before stopping in front of his old car. The kid Dimarco seemed to be totally silent during his little tirade, allowing him to look at him suspiciously before opening the back door where lay a Danae completely unconscious of the world around her.

Steve could not believe he was on his sidewalk staring at a Danae completely passed out with drunkenness. Once again, he was regretting his days when no bar owner would have allowed a young woman to drink so much. As he gave a brief glance at the old, paunchy man by his side, he found himself strangely filled with anger. He clenched his jaw like a series of swearwords that Danae would probably judge worthy passed through his head.

"So? Are you going to take her or what?"

"Yeah." Steve responded more drily than he probably would have liked.

He did not know why he was so irritated by the situation, but the mere thought that Danae was drunk somewhere to faint didn't sit well with him. Especially since he might have avoided that if he had insisted a little more, earlier to her stay at his home to wait for Kate.  
He closed his eyes for a moment to try to put that kind of thought in the back of his mind as he stooped slightly to calmly and silently recover Danae from the back seat. Almost instantly, she seemed to cling with her arms around his neck with her head against his shoulder as he tightened his grip on her lower back and the crook of her knees. He tested her weight in his arms for a moment and form a slight frown on the woman in his arms. Even if lifting loads for him had become childishly easy after the injection of the serum, he could say that she was too light for his taste.

The women of his day were somewhat more curvy.

"You better give a good glass of water for this little girl and a pill of aspirin."

He was almost startled at the voice accentuated by a slight Irish accent of the man getting ready to get into his car.

"I would, sir." He answered politely with a simple nod before finding himself somewhat inclined to pay his respects. "Thank you for bringing her back."

The old man let a scoff pass his moustache lips before giving him a simple wave of his hand."Don't mention it, kid. If you want to do something for me, keep her out of my bar. She's too young to get lost in there."

"I would, sir." He assured himself firmly as he gave a new look at the brunette sleeping peacefully in his arms.

And worst of all, he seemed truly determined to fulfill this task.

Finally, he turned on his heels with the intention of bringing his neighbor back to safety. Only the movement of his steps seemed to awaken the brunette a little as she blinked suddenly. The azure blue of his eyes met the honey-brown of Danae's, taking him somewhat by surprise as he realized how sad they looked.

Soon enough, a small crease formed between her eyebrows as she took more in his face."Neighbor?"

"Hey, neighbor." Recognized Steve in turn in uncertainty.

She had used to meet him with the most aggressiveness possible and unimaginable so he did not really know how she would take the fact that he was the one that the boss of the bar had come to pick or even that he was currently wearing her. Something in him told him that she would hate this situation. Every thought he had of Danae, everything but the image of a damsel in distress crossed his mind.

However, contrary to what he thought, the brunette let a small smile on her lips before surprising him as she put her palm against his jaw with a snort."Hey, it's Steve. You can't say bad words."

The slight stammer in her drunken speech made a slight smile on his lips as it seemed that even in her drunk state she found a way to tease him. He was about to answer her only the next action of the brunette took him again unprepared.

He could feel despite himself a slight blush take control of his face as she approached his torso with his shirt in her fist before breathing in his scent. "Mhmhm ... you feel like ... Ben."

He tried to look away as the mention of her deceased ex-husband brought a slight sadness behind her eyes. She seemed really broken beyond words about it and Steve could understand her a little bit. That's why he was in this situation right now. He was the only one who had told Danae that he could not really find someone with the same shared life experience. And yet, she seemed to intrigue him a little more each time he came to meet her. She was a mystery with some familiar touch to him and he was now in that role.

He gave a curious new look at the brunette in his arms at this thought before releasing one of his hands while being careful to keep a good grip on Danae as he opened the door of his apartment again. He knew he probably had to take her to her own apartment, but he was not sure he should leave her alone. She seemed barely conscious and even though the alcohol did not really affect him anymore, he knew the effects. Especially on a weight as light as Danae.

He did not want to risk putting her in danger.

He closed his door with the help of his heel before walking into his living room. He briefly scanned the room as he contemplated his options before suddenly freezing as he felt the brunette hiccupped in his arms.

"Argh ..." She seemed fully awake now as she brought one of her hands to her lips in alert before giving Steve a wide-eyed look as she could feel nausea assaulting her."Toilet. Quick."

Steve widened his eyes in turn in the realization before hastening to deposit her by indicating her the directions as fast as possible. He quickly followed her to his bathroom in worry before freezing as he nearly missed the door in the face.

Almost immediately, the sound of vomiting could be heard behind the door making him wince in empathy. It reminded him of all the winters he had spent in bed throwing up his guts while his mother was sitting at his bedside trying to soothe his nausea as best, she could. His low metabolism made him subject to any type of illness. Honestly, it was a miracle that he could live so long to receive the serum. And he did not even talk about now.

He felt himself frown at the mere thought before trying to focus his attention on the noise on the other side of the door. The vomiting seemed to have stopped but he could still hear the brunette breathing hard on the other side. He could already imagine the fatigue and burning along her throat making him turn immediately on his heels before going to his kitchen. He hurriedly took a drink from one of the many functional cupboards above the sink before filling it with water. He was trying to stay alert for any kind of noise coming from the small bathroom at the other end of his apartment.

Once the glass filled, he turned back before stopping again in front of the closed door. However, a small frown soon appeared along his forehead as he realized that was too quiet.

"Danae?" He called the first time, worry slightly tingling his tone before tightening despite the glass as he had no answer."Danae, you okay? Danae?"

His eyes flew almost instantly to the handle, calling him to enter. Her lack of response was alarming and although it was not really the thing to do, he could not help but worry about the woman behind the door. He briefly weighed the pros and cons in his head before making a final decision as he closed his fingers around the handle.

"Danae? "

"Hm ..."

Steve's eyes widened at the sight of a shape now leaning on his toilet lid. Danae had her right arm between her head and the bowl but he could not really help but wince at the sight. He hastened to put the glass on the edge of his sink before hunting the sight of the contents and the pungent smell now flooding his small bathroom. He was almost nauseated by the simple smell. God, how much had she had to drink tonight.

Once again, he felt the surge of anger allowing him to kneel at the height of the brunette before gently placing his hand on her shoulder to shake her awake. "Danae? Hey, Danae ... you can't stay here."

The brunette opened her eyes to gauge him in a strange angle giving him an almost comical glimpse as she pouted with her lips.

"Come on, Danae." Said Steve with a small smile bending his lips to her small resistance before grimacing as he saw a slight yellowish stain on the brunette's navy-blue shirt."Danae, you can't stay like that. You have vomit on your clothes."

At the mention of vomit, the brunette suddenly began to hiccup letting him back somewhat despite himself.

Only she just straightened up with difficulty before grumbling under her breath as she rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands.

"Do you think you can get up?" Steve asked with a small smirk before stopping abruptly at the sight of the sudden expression on Danae's face.

It was an expression he had never seen on the brunette's face before, and he was not sure how to react to so many emotions swirling over her usually expressionless face. She seemed to be continually passing from uneasiness to sadness to unconditional love and finally to the purely cruel agony of losing a person.

And then, she left her thoughts in the open air. "Ben, you're here."

Steve may have fought any kind of battle so far, and he'd hit every shot but never like this one.

"It's still one of these nightmares. You are not really here." Danae added in a broken voice as she dropped her eyes on her palms upwards before suddenly using the toilet to get up.

Steve found himself moving without saying a word. He was too shocked by the situation to even think clearly. He swallowed again as she put her eyes again filled with emotions that were definitely not intended for him. He did not even move as she suddenly stepped towards him before surprising him by hugging her thin arms around his middle. Instead, he widened his eyes on the top of her brown head before letting his arms hang in the air. He could feel a new swell of redness along his cheeks even though he knew full well that there was absolutely no feeling in that embrace.

Well not at least for him.

"Danae." Steve tried as the mere idea of breaking this hug seemed almost blasphemous.

The brunette immediately emitted a hum of discontent before retreating slightly without breaking their hug."I don't like when you call me Danae. You always call me Dan."

Her words seemed barely comprehensible in her drunken diatribe and he had to try not to pay attention to the feeling that her body against his was still provoking him. She frowned suddenly before focusing her eyes on his chest, letting him focus his attention on the wall in front of him again.

"You ... you took muscle." She mumbled between hiccups before leaving a drunken laugh."Look, you have boobs."

This time, Steve hastily retreated as she rested her palms flat on his pecs. He quickly ran out of the bathroom before catching his breath as he could feel his heart bludgeon against his ribcage. He could not really have an attack, right? He had survived seventy years in the ice, he could not die of an attack.

"Dana-Dan." He tried to correct as he resumed his composure before taking another look in the bathroom just to turn immediately on his heels."Oh, good lord! Dan, what are you doing?"

She was half-naked.

This time, Steve definitely did not know how he was going to get out of this mess. Give him any Hydra attack, a plane to dive into the ocean or even an Alien invasion, he could handle but a woman. Half-naked? He was in a panic right now. It was probably the closest to what he had come to see a woman in underwear. Now he was not so prudish, he had certainly seen the naked women on the magazine pictures of his comrades of the army but he had never found that good. It did not feel right by his standards to watch a naked woman on a photo. Or in no other situation really.

"Ben?"

Ben.

She still thought he was her dead ex-husband. This explained the nakedness and freedom with which she spoke. He was trying to keep that in mind as he tried to turn on his heels to face her. He kept his eyes riveted at the height of her head only he suddenly found a small smile at the sight of the little brunette fighting against the collar of her shirt stuck on her head.

Finally, he let out a breath of laughter that he hastened to turn into a snort as she let out another bored grunt. "Please, Ben ... help me. I'm ... I'm stuck ..."

She made a small sound that Steve judged cute before advancing to the fact that she was fully exposed. He immediately raised his eyes as he began to venture too low. Nevertheless, he had seen enough to say that she definitely had more curve than he had imagined earlier.  
He tried to wipe this image of his memory as he grabbed the edge of her shirt before releasing her.

She gave a small, relieved breath before raising her honey-brown eyes on him. She tilted her head on the thoughtful side for a moment before letting that smile return, which he had never seen before. Obviously, it was a smile only for Ben and he was suddenly uncomfortable. He was encroaching on a territory that was not intended for him and he was almost as if he had entered someone else's room.

It made him almost sick at the mere thought.

On the other hand, Danae seemed to be waiting for something as she soon crossed her arms over her expectant chest. "Well? "

Steve frowned in confusion before he jumped again as Danae suddenly tried to lift his T-shirt."Whoa, whoa, Dana-Dan, what are you doing? "

He gently slapped her hands out of him before taking a wide step back to establish a small distance between them. Only he almost felt sorry for her as she almost instantly pouted a sad pout. He had to remember that it was for the best.

Soon enough, her pout turned into a smile before she turned on her heels in the direction of his half-open room. He had to take a moment to honestly follow with her drunken mood swings.

"Wait, Danae! Where are you going ?"

He hurried after the brunette just to stop in the entrance to see her digging through his closet. He was about to stop her when she pulled out one of his t-shirts before putting on her. He suddenly found himself freezing again as he caught sight in front of him. Again, it was not his kind to abuse of a drunk woman but he could not help but think how much his T-shirt divinely embraced all her curves.

He remained a man after all.

No no no !

He could not think like that. He turned his back to her immediately, closing his eyes to try to regain control before settling again as he heard her steps against the floor.

"Well, I'm tired. Come to the bed with me." She murmured, suddenly appearing in a lethargic bubble as she grabbed his wrist before pulling him with her.

At this point, Steve simply let himself be pulled since he did not really feel strong enough to deny her such a moment. She really thought he was Ben. And he had seen more emotion on her face now than since he had met her. So, the way she had talked about her dreams told him to believe that they were not usually so peaceful for her. So, he helped her lie down under his blanket with a small smile on his lips as she seemed to once again show a new facet of herself. She looked almost childlike as she pouted when he refused to join her before forcing him to sit by her side as she tied their finger together on the mattress.

Steve found himself looking at her with slight fascination since it was probably the first time he had been given to be so intimate with a woman.

He swallowed as he felt her thumb gently caress the back of his hand before raising his eyes with attention to her face as she broke the silence between them in a hoarse voice and veiled by tears."I miss you, Ben. Every fucking day. I ... I can't ... I don't want to wake up."

"Shh ... it's okay, Dan. It's okay." Steve muttered as he found himself once again pained by her raw emotions.

"I-I lost him, Ben. I lost our baby." She whispered suddenly surprising Steve in the highest way as he froze with wide eyes pitying in the realization."And now ... now Robbie is pregnant. She wants ... she wants me to be her godmother. But what will I do if I end up killing him too? I killed our baby. You were gone. And I couldn't forget you. I lost him."

At this point, Danae was engulfed in his pillow as she poured her deepest demons into the small space of his room. Steve did not know what to say to help her stop crying. He did not even know if he should say anything. In his time, miscarriages were quite common but that did not prevent that it remained a test that could destroy anyone.

He himself could not imagine losing a little being from him. And the fact that Danae seemed to have cashed two bereavements at once seemed horribly unfair and cruel to him. He understood a little better the reason for her distant and cold behavior now.

This feeling strangely uncomfortable at the thought of knowing something so personal and cruel, Steve found himself wanting to share something in turn. He did not care if she was drunk or even could not remember it in the morning. He wanted to at least assure that she did not share so much weight without hearing a part of him.

After all, it just seemed right for him.

With this idea in mind, he carefully focused his eyes stormy blue on the brunette now lying in bed. He moistened his lips in a nervous gesture at the thought of sharing a significant part of his old life before letting a breath pass his lips.

His murmur immediately captivated her attention despite her drunkenness. "I know that feeling."

At first, Steve really did not expect a response from Danae since she seemed completely out of her mind. But despite her confusion, she seemed lucid enough to give some importance to his confession. And even though she still seemed to think he was her late husband.

"Really?" She whispered as she began to draw invisible circles on the back of his hand.

Steve had to literally force himself to keep his eyes out of her gesture as he was suddenly inundated with a strangely comforting feeling.

He let a trembling breath pass his lips at the mere memory of his lost best friend before returning his attention to the brunette.

"His name was Bucky. He and I were childhood friends. He was part of my family."

A slight frown had appeared on the features formerly contorted in Danae's pain as she readjusted herself on the pillow. "What happened to him?"

"He fell into a ravine during a Howling Commandos mission. He interposed between a blast of a Hydra weapon and me." Steve recounted, averting his eyes as he could feel the emotions of guilt and mourning assault him again.

"He sacrificed himself."

"He didn't have to do it." Steve answered sharply with a deep frown as he remembered how angry he was for Bucky's thoughtless act before shaking his head in defeat. "He's ... he died because of me."

A heavy silence greeted his statement and Steve found himself almost wishing that Danae had fallen asleep. Only when he raised his eyes again, he found himself captivated by the depth of her brown whiskey eyeballs. A deep frown adorned her refined face as she seemed to chew the inside of her cheek into deep thought. He could still see traces of salty tears on her cheeks, making him anxious again. He already knew she was hiding a hard truth behind this shell of insult and sarcasm, but he did not think she would be so close to him in his burdens.

Once again, he was really and sincerely surprised by the brunette in front of him.

"I think ... I think ..." A hiccup stopped her in her tirade before she went on with a bored look that stoked another weak smile on his lips."Arh ... I don't think you killed him. He decided to intervene. It was ... his choice?"

Steve immediately shook his head in denial. "No, I could have saved him. I could have grabbed his hand, I could have-"

He immediately raised his eyes to the sensation of a slight pressure on his hand before slowly resuming his enumeration worked as he met the firm gaze of the brunette. She was adamant about comforting him. If she did that because she thought he was Ben or he was really him, he couldn't say it.

But despite his knowledge, Steve found himself surprisingly listening to the drunken remonstrance of the brunette. "I'm sure it's not your fault. Nope, it can't ... well, yes ? Nope, you can't have killed him. You're not ... I mean ... what did I mean?"

Steve found himself laughing at the sight of her deep frown before shaking his head as he finally gave her a tender look. She was definitely something else.

It was almost certain that this night was going to change something in their relationship and for the first time since he was out of the ice, he didn't feel so lonely anymore. And it was almost not as difficult as he had first imagined. And those even despite the fact that he had to deal with his rude and drunk neighbor.

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the obvious lack of terror and agonizing pain along my veins. And those in spite of the horrible headache that hastened to take over.

A light running through my face immediately made me grimace before rolling on my belly in the hope of blocking the light in my pillow.

Only, I was quick to realize my mistake as the simple movement started a new swell in my stomach.

I straightened up immediately as I could feel the nausea retracing it path before immediately bringing my hand against my lips. I took a moment to try to control this momentum before releasing a breath relieving as the accident seemed to be dismissed. I stayed a moment more still for security before finally taking in my entourage with a deep sense of confusion.

I frowned as I slowly and somewhat confused take in the unfamiliar furniture before I soon felt panic running through my veins. I widened my eyes in disbelief and total panic before completely forgetting my headache or even nausea as I suddenly pulled off the blanket covering my legs.

I was literally missing a scream as I realized I was now half-naked in a T-shirt that was obviously too long for me. And especially very masculine. There was absolutely no chance that this T-shirt belonged to a woman and to be honest, in both, I doubted it was reassuring.

I closed my eyes in a grimace of shame and complete disbelief before turning my head to the place supposed to be occupying my side.

This was not the first time I woke up in a foreign bed and most of the time, I was not even covered but it was a long time since I had not experienced such an awakening.

I took a breath as a preparation before finally opening a single eye in hesitation just to realize that I was completely and undeniably alone in this bed.

Unfortunately, it meant that I could not escape on the sly.

I held a swear on the end of my tongue in the realization before suddenly stop at the agreement of a sound of music coming from the other side of the door.

"Oh shit!" I finally let go as I realized that the person living in this place was awake.

I let myself fall heavily against the strangely comfortable mattress before releasing another swear by holding my head as my brain probably hit my skull at the mere motion. I closed my tight eyelids in a complete sense of humiliation before trying to control my emotions. I was a pragmatic person and it was not the first time I had to face this kind of awakening.

It was well before my marriage and I was definitely still young and scared but I could still do it.

I jabbed my jaw in indignation visibly angry at myself for being in this situation. I knew it would be a day made of bad decisions. Clearly sleeping with a stranger probably finding in Alfie's shabby bar was winning against all others. It reminded me to warn the old man for the next time. He had to seriously redouble his efforts to stop me from emptying his stock next time.

Finally, I sat up with a deep breath as I took in the furniture once again. I wrinkled my lips as I took in the dark blue color of the walls before putting my eyes on the few functional furniture strewing the room. Clearly, the person living there was not very expansive on the interior design. Only the bed seemed of a high standard and I had to admit that it was much better than mine.

I was not long in frowning at my strange choice of thought in the current situation before immediately placing my eyes on the floor in search of my clothes.

Unfortunately, it seems that they are nowhere in sight which meant that I had lost them well before.

_Great, it must have been an hell of night and I had no memory! I had not had sex for three years and now I could hardly remember._

I hastened to make these thoughts silent before finally deciding to face the situation as an adult. I pulled on the end of the T-shirt to try to cover my bare legs more before taking a break as I immediately brought my hands on my breasts. I was frowning again as I realized I still had my bra before raising the bottom of the T-shirt to realize that I was also wearing my Calvin Klein shorts.

_Ok, that was unusual._

I released the bottom of the T-shirt visibly puzzled before shaking my head again as I realized that my subconscious was trying to delay the inevitable with useless questions. I clenched my fists by my side as I gave a firm shake of the head as a sign of personal encouragement before making my way to the door with a firm step.

Unfortunately, I was not slow to stop in front of the latter as panic resurfaced. I looked up at the ceiling as I squeaked down my lips before placing my forehead against the smooth surface.

"C'mon, you're the one who got into this situation." I mumbled to push myself to face the man behind. "You're an adult for God's sake. Act like it!"

I decided to put my ear to the door to try to look at the whole situation. The jazz music seemed a little stronger now but that was it. I could not hear any movement under this strangely soothing music.

It was obviously an old tube. Probably one of those I had listened to yesterday at Steve's.

_Steve.  
_

_Captain America.  
_

_Which was also on my mind for some time now._

_And who had the gift of bringing out emotions at home that I once thought to forget.  
_

_Ok, let's stop thinking immediately!_

I definitely could not think of my neighbor in such a situation. Even more when I suffered from a major hangover. I could still feel the contents in my stomach roll in uncomfortable waves. Clearly, I had to calm down a bit on the drink. And this despite the fact that I found myself wanting a good shot of vodka to face the situation.

I immediately shook my head at the thought as a new swell of nausea threatened to point his nose before straightening up with my shoulders as I focused all my attention on the handle.

_I can do it.  
_

_After all, all I had to do was go there, confront the unattractive man and give him a good look at my character before slamming the door._

_It was not so difficult after all. I was not really that carefree young adult who loved to enjoy life._

This time, I gave a firm shake of the head in determination before reaching the handle. I turned the latter with a simple wave of my hand before heading for the catchy music.

Finally, the sound of footsteps and the suddenly attractive smell of bacon guided me in a sort of trance. I was so attracted by the smell of food and determined to face the individual with whom I had spent my night that I passed completely by the oddly familiar living room.

It was only when I saw the obviously muscular back and far from being a little frightening that I stopped in the realization.

"Holy shit! You?" I exclaimed in total disbelief.

Steve swiveled at his heels in a slight jolt at my exclamation before letting a slight smile curl his full lips making me panic more."Hey, how are you feeling?"

Obviously, he was completely ignorant of my state of alert.

"How-oh my-you ... I mean ..." I paused to try to control my panic before pointing my finger between us with a grimace split between disbelief and annoyance. "I did the deed with ... with Captain America?"

Steve finally seemed to be aware of my condition as he widen his eyes in realization before taking on a whole new hue of red as he stammered an answer. "What? N-no, no, Danae. I ... I mean, we don't have ..."

Almost instantly my panic gave way to simple boredom as I watched him struggle to find an explanation for the embarrassing situation, we were in. There was no possibility that he and I had done anything.

Once again, he was closer to his image of Captain than I thought.

"Okay, stop!" I finally stopped him with my hand up before resting my eyes on the breakfast plate now in his right hand. "I'm going to take that."

I took the plate from his hands, and immediately received a surprised look from the blonde as he raised his eyebrows to his hairline. I just ignored him as I sat on the little kitchen table in the corner by the window before concentrating on doing some kind of art with the contents of the plate. I could perfectly feel the blonde's bewildered look on my form as he struggled to find words.

Finally, he turned to the stove to turn off the gas before shyly making his way to me.

I barely raised my eyes from my plate as I motioned him to sit down. "So ... how did I finish here?"

"The boss of the bar. He came knocking on my door telling me that you had fainted on his back seat." Steve explained with a slight tone of judgment at the mention of my condition letting me lean against the back of the chair to gauge him with a small smile.

"So you decided to deal with my drunk ass?" I asked lightly amused at the idea of Steve managing with me."Very chivalrous."

This time, the blonde gave me a flat look at my obvious amusement before crossing his arms over his broad chest to give me a strangely empathic look. I frowned immediately through my mouthful of bacon before taking a closer look at his expression. A strange feeling of discomfort and nakedness came through as I crossed the blond blue eyeballs.

For some reason, I felt like I lost all my barriers to the blonde. As if I had no more secrets for him.

Finally, he took a deep breath before putting his eyes on my plate with an arched eyebrow and a slight smile at the smiling face of eggs and bacon. "Abstract art?"

"I prefer bacon before eggs." I challenged to explain my puerile act before swallowing a new bite before pausing to give him a sly look."So ... I guess the T-shirt is yours."

The blonde immediately coughed slightly in embarrassment allowing me to widen my smile as I could see his pink tinted cheeks again.

He slapped his fist against his chest to try to make his surprise pass before giving me a new bored look at the sight of my amused smile."Glad to see that the situation is fun."

"Well ... I guess the situation could have been worse, you know." I replied with mischief as I gave him a prolonged glance, receiving at once a suspicious look of the blonde at the sight of my expression."I mean ... what woman on this planet would say no to being undressed by Captain America."

"I didn't undress you. You're the one who-"Immediately defended the visibly shameless blond before quickly taking an expression almost worried in the realization.

It had the gift of making me lose my smile as I frowned over him in suspicion. This feeling of discomfort was soon to resurface as I took care in his features, folded in hesitation and uncertainty.

Finally, he released a breath before turning his eyes away as he focused his attention on the window almost in defeat." You don't remember."

"What?" I asked sober visibly alerted by his mood change.

Steve immediately shifted his hesitant eyes on me before moistening his lips as he avoided my eyes. "You were thinking that I was Ben."

His revelation struck me as a seal of icy water in the face. The lack of nightmares and the pain that accompanied me when I woke up had almost made me forget the pain tormenting me for over three years.

I took a strangled breath as I slowly put the fork on the side before transferring my eyes empty of emotion to the blond. "You know."

Robbie had always warned me of my drunk state. I lost every ounce of filter when I was really drunk and I tended to let myself completely overwhelm by my pain. The fact that I saw Ben everywhere was also a huge problem. Since that time, I had vowed to control my alcohol consumption so as not to repeat such a disaster.

Unfortunately, the news of Robbie's pregnancy had hurt me more than I had let it appear. This led to an obvious overdose of alcohol and a complete lack of control. And those, facing probably the only person I really wanted to keep at bay. It was enough to remind me where I was and more importantly with whom I was.

I jabbed my jaw instantly as Steve straightened with a solemn nod."Yeah. You did ... I mean ... you said a lot when you thought I was ... him. "

"And you took advantage of it." I snapped, immediately receiving a surprised look from the blonde.

He hastened to shake his head in the objection, but I scarcely listened to him as I jumped to my feet in indignation. "What? No! Dan, I-"

"Don't you dare of calling me like that again!" I exploded as I could feel the agreement of this nickname to smash me on the spot. "In fact, you know what? Never speak to me again."

I didn't care at all about my half-naked state now as I drove straight to the door completely ignorant of the blonde in my pursuit. It was only when he grabbed my forearm to catch me that I finally felt the silent tears down my cheeks. A fact that Steve also seemed to take cognizance of as his expression of confusion and disbelief soon turned into sympathy. Exactly what I feared.

"Dan-sorry, Danae." He corrected quickly at the sight of my frown before finally leaving a deep breath in the defeat as he released my arm.

I tried to ignore his defeated expression as I packed up all these emotions again before raising my chin with pride and coldness. "It doesn't matter what you've learned tonight ... if you don't even take a step towards me then god help me because I wouldn't hesitate to hit you. Again."

I gave him one last sharp look to support my threat before shaking my head in exasperation as I turned around. I slammed his door tightly behind me not really caring for the attention it could attract before heading straight for my own apartment.

"Dee?" Kate immediately exclaimed from the kitchen counter, forcing me to ignore her."What are you wearing ? "

It had the gift of stopping me through my determined walk as I put my eyes on the T-shirt smelling exactly like the blonde before frowning further as I continued my way into my room.

I had to change and quickly.


	7. When you shoot, shoot, don't talk

_When you shoot, shoot, don't talk. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly  
_

* * *

It had been two weeks since the incident in the Captain's apartment and I was not ready to leave this error aside.

Even though I had left the anger aside, I was now undeniably and definitely scared. I had little flashbacks during the whole day following this embarrassing breakfast and I knew how much I had screwed up.

He knew absolutely everything. He knew more than anyone else and I was totally scared of the emotions he had brought out. Even worse, I remembered exactly how he had taken care of me even though I had been a real pain in his ass from the beginning. He had even taken it upon himself to listen to my sobs and reveries about Ben. I just could not face him with this knowledge. In addition, he had also taken the trouble to share one of his darkest secrets with me. It was as if he had felt enough confidence to entrust me with such a burden despite knowing that I couldn't remember it.

Now I felt damn guilty and ashamed for the way I'd treated him all those other times. That said, that was exactly what made me totally panicked. I had not felt this fear for a long time and I was definitely not ready to feel again.

However, it seems that I did not really have a choice since my brain just did not stop thinking about him. And the fact that he did exactly what I asked him did not help the situation. It turned out that he seemed to have completely disappeared from the surface of the earth. I had not seen him once since that famous morning and he had not made the slightest gesture to contact me.

I knew I should be relieved and I was, partly. A tiny part of my personality felt almost saddened by the loss of a plausible way to release all that long-held pain.

Unfortunately, I just could not let go of that pain. I had become too used to feeling this pain to get rid of it so suddenly.

That's why I put all my energy and my mind into working with Jay on the plan to corner the Russians. I had made a point of spending the majority of my time at the office to avoid casual encounters and especially clumsy with my neighbor as well as Kate's questions.

Once again, I found my loophole in my work.

I had put all my energy into organizing a meeting with the Russians and my efforts had finally been rewarded. The meeting was going to be done tomorrow at the end of the morning. I had already warned Khallahan to be ready with his team as reinforcement. In exchange, the brown had wished that we meet again to review the plan for probably the umpteenth time.

Surprisingly, I had spent a lot of time with the cop in recent weeks. Not only for the mission but also for his entertaining company. He was still so exasperating and fucking arrogant but he had his moments sometimes. And unlike a certain Captain, he didn't cause painful emotions in me. And in my eyes, it was enough.

Nevertheless, this mission remained a rather dangerous mission and I could not afford to spend on my usual ritual. It was an unspoken rule between Robbie and me. She let me ruin my life with this private detective story and in exchange, I had to warn her about missions threatening my life. She said that it allowed her to accept the plausible bad news in another way. Like people dying of a long-term illness.

The families were always prepared in a way but I knew otherwise.

"Dan? "

I immediately raised my pensive eyes on the old woman currently bedridden just to soften my expression at the clear confusion in her eyes.

I let a slight smile curl my lips as I bent down to shake her resting hand over the blanket."Hey, Alma. Slept well ?"

The woman in front of me was barely sixty years old. Her long, once-red hair delicately framed her slightly wrinkled face with light gray hair. She used to have big bright green eyes that could light up any room, now they seemed empty and exhausted most of the time. She used to look like one of these wood nymphs quoted in Greek mythology. She had always been there for me.

Unfortunately, she also had the gift of reminding me unequivocally of her son. A slight sad smile lifted my lips as I took in her aged appearance. Despite everything, she reminded me of her son.

A slight, confused smile soon appeared on her wrinkled face, letting me slowly pull out my hand in the realization. "Are you my nurse?"

I looked away, wrinkling my lips to try to control my tremors before swallowing as I turned my attention to her with an indulgent smile. "I'll go get one of the nurses, okay?"

"Wait." She hastened to ask as she grabbed my hand again before watching me more carefully with a slight frown. "You ... you remind me strangely of my daughter-in-law. You may know her; her name is Danae. Danae Dimarco. She's sublimes. A real pearl."

I lowered my distressed eyes on our intertwined hands before turning my eyes to Alma with a trembling breath." I will come back."

With that, I tried to let go of her hand before going around her medical bed to try to breathe again.

Usually, I tried to explain to her that it was me, but today I did not really have the will or the strength to have to remind her why her son was not with me. So instead, I dropped back against the wall next to her door, pinching the bridge of my nose as I could feel the beginning of a skull ache along my temples.

However, I did not remain alone for long as a comforting and familiar presence soon stopped by my side.

"One of the bad days." Robbie whispered, putting a hand on my shoulder to initiate a contact.

I silently nodded my assertion before raising my head."I couldn't tell her it was me. I just ... it was too hard."

"I'm sure she will not hold it against you." Assured Robbie rubbing my shoulder before leaning against the wall beside me.

I nodded again silently in reply, before falling back into my troubled thoughts.

I disregarded the case of a certain neighbor before letting a new sigh as I gave a careful look at the mixed race at my side."I agreed to work with Khallahan on a mission."

"You what?" Exclaimed Robbie, pushing herself away from the wall to face me, frantically shaking her head in the objection. "No, no, no, what kind of mission? You can't be serious."

I rolled my eyes to her anxiety exacerbated by her hormones before straightening in my turn to bring her closer. It would be sure that the entire Robbie team wasn't aware of my mission.

It was a secret for a reason.

"The kind that requires you to be more discreet." I demanded, my eyes widening with trouble, immediately giving the brunette a dark look."I'm serious, Robbie. I didn't work two weeks non-stop on this project for it to be unveiled now."

"Do I seem to care?" Robbie replied sarcastically before bringing a hand to her hip as she narrowed her brown eyes on me. "Do you remember the last time you decided to take on a risky mission?"

I pretended to think before shrugging my shoulders with a barely credible smile. "You meet your husband?"

"It's next to the point." The brunette hissed in an irritated whisper before pointing to my left flank making me wince at the slight itch it gave me.

I still remembered the sound of the bullet piercing my skin before I came out on the other side. It was quite close to the hepatic artery and it had mostly been a pain in the ass. Only a scar was on my side now but I still remembered the panic and horror in Robbie's eyes before fainting in pain. I held a shudder at the memory before returning my attention to the brunette in an obvious murmur completely ignorant of the tall blond stopping at the sight of our duet.

"It will not happen again, okay?" I assuredly determined, despite the slight doubt still hovering in the back of my mind. "Khallahan and his team will be there to protect me. And then, you'll always be there to sew me back if I really need it."

"And do you think that reassures me?" The brunette gasped in indignation before letting a sigh pass through her lips as she remembered where we were.

I immediately glanced at her belly bouncing in the slight anxiety before giving her a look supposed to be soothing. "You have to calm down, Rob. Think about the baby."

"That's exactly what I do." Robbie replied curtly as she turned on her heels again equally unconscious of the concern of a certain soldier listening to our conversation. "Is it because you were asked to be the godmother? Was it too much for you?"

"It has absolutely nothing to do with this."

"So tell me what I should tell my baby when I tell him that his supposed godmother died before he could make his first cry?" Robbie jabbed me back despite me under the impact of her words. "Because that's what will happen if you start getting more involved with the police."

A heavy silence fell on our duet as Robbie resumed her tirade with a trembling breath before nervously passing her hands through her hair. Some locks of a dark brown fell from her bun leaving me to give a look of sympathy for her.

I really did not want to worry her. It was not my intention but I could not retreat now. Khallahan was counting on me and to be honest, I definitely needed this mission. Especially after the fiasco at the Captain's apartment. Not to mention that we were talking about real bad guys. We were talking about innocent life ruining and haggling for money. It wasn't the usual sleazy type or even the case of cheating between grooms. We were talking about a real mission to stop real rottenness.  
No, there was no way I was backing away from this mission. Not to mention that Jay really counted on me. He had lost one of his teammates and if I let the corrupt cops do what they wanted then it made me an accomplice.

However, my attention was soon to be back on Robbie as the brunette suddenly paused with wide eyes as she looked over my shoulder."What? "

"I ... uh ..."

I frowned at the confusion as she continued to look over my shoulder, letting me do the same just to freeze at the sight of Steve standing upright with a guilty look at our duet.

I would instantly grit my teeth as I could already feel the conflicting emotions rising to the surface before giving Robbie a tired look. "I'll call you later. "

With that, I hastened to turn my heels keeping my eyes riveted in front of me as I passed in front of the Captain. I could still feel his eyes on my back as I continued my way without a word. Only my outstretched shoulders and my cold eyes betrayed my emotional torment.

* * *

Steve did not understand anything anymore. He had never been a sweet talker with women before and he could already say he was terribly lacking in skills in this area but if he did not already know it, he was now certain that he understood absolutely nothing about their subject. Or maybe he just didn't understand anything about Danae Dimarco. She must have been the most perplexed, mysterious and completely disarming woman he had ever met. And that was not to say, he worked regularly with Natasha. But Danae was another puzzle for him. She was a whirlwind of emotion that kept coming back to him in the face.

He remembered how Bucky had explained to him that women were complicated, but Danae was a different type of difficulty. She was in no way like the women of his time. And he was not certain that she was as much like the women of the present day.

She had a big cat in the bag like his, and he was at the end of the treatment he had used many times when he was still pre-serum Steve. She kept everyone at arm's length hoping to bottle her emotions in a flush of anger and apathy.

Only he had seen beyond. He had really been able to discover a new facet of Danae that famous night. He knew she was suffering far more than she let him hear. And even though he'd been busy enough with the Shield for the past two weeks, he could not help but think about his neighbor as soon as his mind was not busy fighting the threats to the government. Romanoff was a pretty good distraction but her lifelong questions about his love life only served to remind him that the only person he had connected with in recent years hated him.  
And worst of all, he did not even take the time to think about Danae romantically. Not that she was not attractive or even interesting enough. And ... he confused himself when he did not even speak with a lady.

The real problem with Danae was that he had strangely felt comfortable again in her presence. Certainly, she was rude, direct, she had no filter and she was strangely unpleasant but she had managed to make him comfortable enough to break some of his barriers. And he had not felt so comfortable with a woman since, well, Peggy.

And as if that was not enough, he had surprised this conversation between Danae and Nurse Myers.

Honestly, it was the first time he had seen the nurse look so restless. She was usually a set of calm and gentleness that he had been naturally surprised by the hardness and worry on her face. Only it was before realizing who was her interlocutor. If Steve thought of someone who could bring out the worst faults in people, it was Danae. And probably Stark when he thought about it.

Nevertheless, he had accidentally heard parts of their conversation and now he just could not help thinking that Danae was going to do something dangerous. And he was even more surprised by this nascent anxiety.

He did not think he could worry so much about his strange neighbor but that was exactly the problem with Danae, she brought out emotions at home. Emotions he no longer thought he could feel. She reminded him that he was more than just a soldier or even more than Captain America. She reminded him that he was also a man with emotions.

Once again, he found himself creasing his lips in a thin line as he remembered the harsh words of Nurse Myers.

_"So tell me what I should tell my baby when I tell him that his supposed godmother died before he could make his first cry? "_

_"Because that's what will happen if you start getting more involved with the police. "_

However, his attention was soon dissolved by his other neighbor as he climbed the last step to his corridor just to see the blonde nurse on the phone. "Danae Wilson Dimarco, answer the phone. I don't have my keys and you-well, it's a lie. You're probably on this suicide mission and I have a very bad feeling about it. You must go back to the apartment. You hear me ? For once, listen to me!"

Once again, Steve could not help but worry as he closed the few steps separating them in a nervous tick. It was a sensation he usually felt before going on the field and he could not help but feel that adrenaline rush mixed with panic as he stopped by Kate's side.

"A problem ?"

The blonde seemed to jump at his intervention visibly too tormented by the actions of Danae to notice his presence. "Oh god, you scared me Steve."

"Sorry." Steve apologized quickly before returning to the subject that had plagued his mind for two weeks now. "Is there a problem with Danae? "

The blonde seemed to put away her phone in the pocket of her jeans to his question before shrugging her shoulders in a diminutive gesture. "Oh, it's probably nothing. She's a private detective so-"

"I know." Steve inquired at once visibly somewhat impatient.

However, the blonde seemed more surprised as she suddenly frowned as if she had missed something important. She narrowed her lips before leaning her head slightly to the side as she watched him a little more carefully. If Steve was not so nervous about Danae's comings and goings, he would have been able to attest to her strange behavior.

Nevertheless, he just need to got some answers again."I caught a conversation between Danae and Nurse Myers. They seemed to argue about this mission you were talking about on the phone."

It was probably the first time Steve was not so clumsy and nervous in her presence but it had to do with the fact that he was more in captain mode than the usual Steve. And again, it was all thanks to Danae or rather because of Danae.

Kate took a moment to answer before nodding her head with an expression almost suspicious. Once again, Steve passed by as he almost anxiously waited for her answer.

"She's working with this DC police detective to stop a human trafficking business. She's supposed to do an undercover mission during an exchange. Today."

Steve widened his eyes in realization before straightening his shoulders as he could already imagine the results of her mission.

He shook his head, trying to stay to hear the blonde's answer to his request."Did she tell you where the exchange took place?"

"Uh ... in this art gallery at the corner of the fifty and the-"

"I know where is it." His was only answer as he circled her before he ran down the stairs four at a time.

* * *

I had to admit that I was a little nervous as I tightened my grip on my camera in my hands. I watched the works of art carefully around me while doing a scan of the present threats.

For starters, there were far too many gunmen for this to be a mere art gallery and then there was the obvious presence of my target. I had read his criminal record all night long. I knew the least of his sentences and his way of acting.

Ivan Petrov 'was definitely not an opponent to be underestimated.

I pretended to put my hair back as I was lightly pressing my communication device into my ear to reassure myself of the presence of back up before heading to the next paintings in the row. I immediately took a picture of the work with an expert eye before lowering the screen to observe my work. Obviously, I had not lost my hand.

"It's a perfect shot."

I tried not to straighten out at the new heavy accent at my side before forcing a naive smile on my lips painted with a slight gloss."I must admit that I am rather talented. "

A deep low laugh was soon hatching from the man by my side before he put his small eyes back with a spark of disturbing fascination."Confident and talented. You're a real treasure, Miss. Carson."

I literally had to restrain myself from vomiting at the sensation of his heated breath smelling tobacco on my face.

I was definitely in the character as I let another shrug with a voracious smile. "I hope I'm talented enough to see more of your work."

"Oh really?" He asked with a little smirk showing that he had grabbed my drift before suddenly taking a step back to sign a door currently guarded by two heavily armed guards."Shall we in this case?"

I shook my head, letting my brown curls bounce into a stream on my shoulders before heading to the door leading to the storage room.

Thanks to the infiltration of Khallahan's colleague, we had access to every room in the building. It also involved exits but it was only in case of failure. A fact I did not expect to meet.

I released my camera, letting the strap hold it against me as I walked through the door ignoring the misplaced eyes of the guards on my back before taking an inaudible breath as I took in the warehouse-like room. My eyes soon fell on the two huge trucks currently being loaded with works of art housing the true object of trade of the Russians.

Ivan's employees seemed to stop almost instantly on his approach before quickly turning their distrustful attention on me.

For once, I was not faking the nervous smile on my lips as I took in the armor before putting my eyes expectant on Ivan. The latter hastened to bark orders at one of the employees, letting me wait patiently on the side.

Once he was done with the latest security measures to hide the weapons from my sight (not that he knew I spoke Russian), Ivan turned to me again with that disgusting smile.

"Don't be intimidated." He cajoled in a false sense of security, letting me enlarge my fake smile. "My men are only there to take certain precautions. After all, we can't be careless with this type of merchandise."

I ignored his damn lie that was supposed to reassure me and focused my attention more on the back of the open trucks at my disposal. I began to photograph the works of art still on the floor while paying attention to the conversation taking place around me. These idiots thought they could say anything they wanted simply because they underestimated me enough to think that I could not speak their language.

Cretins, honestly.

"Это действительно хорошая идея, чтобы привести эту девушку сюда? Вы забыли, что копы на нашем следе! (It's really a good idea to bring this girl here. You forget that the cops are on our trail!)

"Копы? Пожалуйста, они все с нами. "(The cops ? Please, they are all with us.) Ivan replied arrogantly before calling someone to give me a quick glance at the duo further.

They were soon joined by a familiar face making me grit my teeth in recognition. It was the guy that Jay suspected. He was a cop in his forties with a paunchy belly and a beard of several weeks.

His vicious little eyes immediately turned to my form as he stopped at Ivan's side."Who's this chick?"

He had a strong New York accent.

I forced myself to turn to avoid any incident and resumed my role as an avid photographer promotion. But not without paying some attention to their conversation.

"A little journalist down the ladder of a magazine. A fascinating little thing. A clear fire in her eyes."

"She could do a good business."

I stilled myself almost instantly to the mention of my plausible fate before swallowing as I set my sights on the contents of the trucks. It was probably the best way to capture the weapons.

I kept taking pictures just as I glanced over my shoulder at the trio. "So ... where are these arts sent?"

"Ha, isn't that a relevant question?" Ivan said as he took a step in my direction, obviously enjoying the attention. "In your opinion? Where could it go?"

I definitely did not want to play riddles with this bastard. I had already been close to unsheathing the 9mm that Khallahan had entrusted to me for this mission from the moment the cop Blake had made his entry.

Nevertheless, I strove to let a purely feminine laugh leave my lips as I shriveled my shoulders."I don't know. New York maybe."

"Divinely beautiful and intelligent." Ivan shouted, giving me a look a little too much for my taste before leaning his head slightly to the side."Tell me, what do you think of New York, Miss. Carson?"

I could feel my heart speeding up to this simple question as I could easily see a certain idea seep through his eyes.

Only, it seems that I did not have to answer him as one of the gorillas guarding the door rushed on our duet. I gauged them in false curiosity as he began to whisper in Ivan's ear before straining in spite of me as Ivan narrowed his little eyes over my head.

He was so fucking tall and definitely repulsive.

Finally, he looked down at me to watch me for a moment before talking to his minion in an icy tone without ever taking my eyes off him."Let him in!"

The gorilla at his side screamed in Russian, waving his hand on his side allowing me to tighten my grip on my device again in a bad feeling.

"A problem ?"

"I don't know. You tell me." He replied at once as he turned slightly to the right forcing me to do the same just to freeze in incredulity at Steve's sight beside the second guard. "He says he's with you."

He was wearing his blue baseball cap with a black sweater and a black leather jacket. With his broad shoulders and bodybuilder-like construction, he was exactly the type of challenge calling danger to these guys. He was the epitome of the mole, letting me scream internally in total indignation. At that moment, I weighed the pros and cons of just ignoring his existence but I knew that I could not get out of here alive if I let myself be guided by my emotions.

So with a deep breath, I turned to Ivan, gritting my teeth and glancing at the blonde once he was up to us. "He wasn't supposed to accompany me. He's one of our trainees and not really efficient to be honest."

I didn't know the blond's visibly offended look at my side as I noticed Ivan measuring him from head to toe. The 9mm stuck in the waistband of my jeans has never been as heavy as it is now. I wrinkled my lips as I could feel that famous rush of adrenaline along my veins. My heart throbbed with all my strength against my chest forcing me to focus again on the situation rather than the drumming of my blood in my ears.

"A trainee, huh?" Ivan repeated as he approached Steve before giving a wide smile to his lips as he grabbed his shoulders to test his sturdy stature. "My, my, look at this. He's rather well built for a small trainee."

I did not even need to look at Steve to see him stretch in a defensive position letting me act on the moment. I needed to get Ivan's attention away from this fucker at all costs.

I left a false laugh before ending abruptly with disdain. "You have to believe that bringing coffee all day long is paying off."

Ivan immediately turned his attention away from the tall blond now by my side before displaying that vile smile again as he stopped in front of me.

"Oh my pretty." I was trying to keep the bile at bay as he grabbed my chin between his thumb and forefinger to examine me before he released me suddenly, motioning me to continue with the photos. "Hurry up! I have a schedule to respect."

I shook my head quickly before snatching that idiot's wrist and dragging him with me. At least my gesture had the desired effect as Steve stumbled a little on his feet. It made him a little more believable.

I stopped once we were far enough away from the bump of the Russian Mafia before throwing a scathing look at the tall blond with a whisper. "The fuck you're doing?"

"Me?" Steve indignantly pointed at himself before glancing over his shoulder at the trio again together. "You, what are you doing! You saw these men. They're heavily armed. "

"No, you're kidding?" I replied sarcastically before suddenly raising my hand as he seemed about to reply in exasperation."Shut up !"

I turned slightly on my heels as Ivan and the other two men resumed their conversation in Russian.

"He looks pretty good for a little trainee. "

"Это потому, что он не стажер. " (It's because he's not a trainee. )

"Huh?"

"Скажите ребятам, чтобы они быстро закончили и присоединялись к нам в обычном месте встречи. " (Tell the guys to finish fast and join us at the usual meeting point.) Ivan said, making my eyes widen on the tall blond in front of me.

_We were grilled._

"What are you doing ? What's going on, Danae?" Steve whispered, clenching his fists in anticipation.

"Shut up, I can't hear them with you talking off in my ear." I whispered between my clenched teeth before feeling my heart fall into my chest.

"What do we do with these two?" Blake asked coldly, letting me imagine his murderous look on our backs.

"Kill the boy scout!" Ivan ordered coldly before making me swallow in panic. "Take the girl. Alive ! I want to have a ride with her."

"Danae?"

I took a deep breath as I let my camera hang on my chest before pivoting back on my heels to give my back to most of the men around us. Steve had at least the good idea to do the same, letting me quietly reach for my headset.

"Danae? "

"Khallahan? I'm grilled." I murmured coldly for the tall blond by my side and the cop in my ear.

I could feel suddenly recovering as the detonation of a weapon sounded just behind us, letting my head rest in apprehension.

"You two. Turn around !" Blake cried, demonstrating that he was the one who was talking to us.

I immediately raised my hands in the air as a sign of surrender before slowly turning on myself while giving Steve a scathing look to force him to do the same. Steve met my gaze visibly reluctant before raising his hands to imitate me.

"Hands on the head." Blake shouted in the agitation making me swear in indignation. "I said both hands on the head!"

I gritted my teeth as I fell nose to nose with the barrel of Blake's gun.

A fact that Steve seemed to realize soon as he stopped in his movements, "Take it off right now."

"Or what? Huh, big guy?" Blake challenged with a hint of unhealthy humor in his eyes before raising a single hand to beg an army of men."What are you going to do ?"

"Yeah ... what are you going to do?" I snarled, sending him a murderous glare clearly tired of the big blond.

Steve immediately gave me an incredulous look as Blake let out a sly laugh in the realization."Whoa, it looks like the girl is not really receptive, buddy."

Suddenly, the static in my ear activated, letting me whisper imperceptibly to the agreement of Khallahan's voice. "Danae? Hey, Danae ... do you hear me? We have Pietrov. We're here soon. Hold on, kay?"

"Of course. It's not like I have better things to do." I mumbled in annoyance immediately drawing the attention of the asshole in front of me.

"What are you saying in your corner?"

"Huh?" I feign in ignorance.

"You spoke !"

I displayed a fake mine of realization in sarcasm before glimpsing with a smirk the faithful red laser pointing in our direction.

I immediately reported my eyes to Blake, leaning my head slightly to the side."I said ... you'll love the prison."

"What-"

Blake did not even have time to finish his sentence as a sniper shot rang out all around us."Freeze! DC police! "

"You ... bitch! "

I immediately took my 9mm out of my jeans in a hurry before throwing myself behind one of the nearest trucks for the cover. Soon enough, shots exploded all around us letting me check the charger under the cacophony of firearms before taking a look at the disaster next to me.

However, I was quick to widen my eyes as I surprised Steve fighting through the stray bullets. I had to admit that this little bastard definitely knew how to fight. Even the most experienced men of Pietrov had no chance against him as he disarmed them without the shadow of an effort.

I was cursing at one of Pietrov's fuckers was trying to sneak behind Steve before raising my weapon without an ounce of hesitation. I aimed by stopping my breaths with both hands on the butt of my gun before pulling the trigger.

Steve immediately turned on his heels at the agreement of the body falling to the ground before widening his eyes at the sight of blood flowing freely from his wound. He immediately raised his head in search of the one who had saved him just to see Danae throw her famous right hook. He had to admit that she knew how to defend herself. And shoot visibly. The more he watched her fight and more, he doubted she was a private detective. She seemed to have hidden skills.

Maybe she didn't really need him after all.

I give a kicked well placed in the chest of this asshole thinking to be able to reach me before shot him in the foot. My breath was erratic as I quickly scanned the warehouse floor, which was crumbling under the gunfire before suddenly narrowing my eyes at Blake's sight. I immediately tucked my weapon into my jeans belt before launching into a race. I was trying to avoid the bullets on my way as I waltzed between the unconscious bodies left by Steve before hitting Blake violently once at his height.

The redhead fell forward with a curse under the effect of surprise before turning to face me with a look of pure hatred. "Son of th-"

I did not even give him time to finish as I took a part of his head in my palm before banging it with all my might against the wall. He fell at cold, leaving me rub my hands in pure disgust as I looked at his unconscious ass.

Finally, the shots stopped leaving me to turn on my heels just to meet the worried look of Steve. The latter had a whole circle of men on the ground around him. He had his fists still raised visibly ready for any kind of threat letting me shake my head in disbelief.

At least that was before Khallahan decided to get off his perch by removing his hard hat with his eyes on Steve in shock. "Who's this guy?"

"A fucking idiot." I said as I made my way to the duo by removing my weapon from my belt to snap it against Khallahan's protected chest."You couldn't arrive sooner?"

"You could have avoided getting caught, you know."Replied the brown almost instantly before giving Steve a new look of judgment. "Since when do you bring a civilian on a mission?"

I just could not avoid the scoff of passing my lips to the mention of Steve being a civilian. If only Khallahan knew who he was talking to.

"It's look like I've brought him?" I was still exasperated by the appearance of the tall blond before sighing wearily. "Just do your job, Khallahan, and don't come back to my office without making an appointment, it's clear!"

I gave him one last look as a warning sign before heading for the exit intentionally ignoring the tall blond. In addition to being madly irritated by his intervention, I was always pissed off against him.

Unfortunately, he did not seem to understand the memo since I had barely reached the sidewalk as I felt a firm hold on my forearm."Danae, wait!"

"Don't touch me!" I hissed as I pulled my arm snugly from his grip before turning on my heels to face him in anger. "Can we know what you're doing here? How did you even manage to find me? You follow me?"

Steve pulled back a little under my verbal attack before surprising me again as he straightened his shoulders tenaciously. "I heard your conversation with the Nurse Myers. And Kate seemed worried."

"Kate." I gasped in the realization before lifting my eyes with sarcasm on the blond."So what? You thought to come here and save the damsel in distress? If that's what you were trying to do then you're even more out of touch with reality than I thought. I look like a damsel in distress? No, because I had the situation in hand."

To that, Steve left a scoff at once, leaving me gaping. " Under control ? These guys were going to kidnap you to sell you. They were an army. What could you have done against them?"

"No matter what I would have done. It's not your damn business!"I exploded, lifting my arms in the air clearly to the point before pointing at him. "I told you not to come nearer. We are not friends. You're just my fucking neighbor so act as such."

I took a moment to catch my breath before crossing again the eyes tinted with the rejection of the tall blond. Almost instantly, the guilt invades me letting my lips wrinkle before shaking my hand in the resignation.

"Just go away. "

Steve was about to follow Danae as she rudely crossed the road only a familiar black Porsche was soon parked in front of him with an even more familiar redhead behind the wheel.

"Natasha?" He exclaimed in surprise and slight annoyance.

"You're going to have some problems." Natasha teased, letting him sigh before turning his attention over the hood to see Danae's fleeing back.

He shook his head in frustration before opening the door to get into defeat. He put his seatbelt with a deep frown curving his defined features. He could still see Danae's fleeing back as Natasha sped up the streets of DC.

He took a while to become aware of the smile perched high on the lips of the redhead leaving him arched an eyebrow in her direction in sign of question. "What? "

"Looks like you're going to get scolded." She commented with a hint of mischief, letting him roll his eyes with attitude. " What did you do?"

He was definitely not in the mood for that. Even less to act as if the Shield was not constantly a step ahead of him.

"As if you didn't know already." He replied bitterly.

The ex-assassin at his side raised her eyebrows at his visibly irritated tone before giving him a side look. "Whoa, who pissed in your cereal this morning?"

He lets out a deep sigh by throwing his head against the headrest in fatigue. He grabbed the handle over the door as he glanced down the streets passing at full speed. He narrowed his lips as he thought about his quarrel with Danae.

The trip to Triskelion did not take much time with the driving of Natasha and he soon found himself in front of the huge Shield headquarters. Steve could never get used to the architecture of this building. He just could not help thinking that it had been built to compensate for something or even a simple instinct of megalomania.

Anyway, he soon made his way to the Shield Hall with the same habit since he had arrived in DC. He scanned every possible exit and leak route around him. He greeted some of the agents walking around him before entering the glass elevator. He stood facing the huge windows overlooking the entire DC subway air with his shoulders stretched. He already suspected why he was summoned to Fury's office.  
He had acted without authorization. Even if the Shield had done everything possible to make him believe in a semblance of freedom, he was still chained by a contract. They were experienced enough to know he was acting behind their backs in a simple police mission. They were at the bottom of the ladder for Shield and Steve was already imagining Fury's speech in his head.

Only he could not find an ounce of regret or even shame in him. The only thing he could regret was the consequences of his intervention with Danae. He sincerely thought he was doing the right thing. For once in months, he was sure he made the right choice.  
He turned so determinedly into his eyes once the elevator came to a stop. He stepped into the corridor leading to Fury's office with a firm step.

Once again, he scanned the adjacent corridors for safety before finally stopping in front of the Shield director's office. He clenched his fist to knock before standing straight as he waited for permission to enter. The door slid open to allow him access, and Steve made his way to the steel desk in one of the vast spaces of the room. He could see the back of Fury's office chair turning toward the windows looking all over DC.

"Captain." Fury simply greeted as he stopped on the other side in a military position.

"Fury. "

The man at the head of the organization finally turned in his chair to face him and raised an eyebrow as he took in his dress somewhat disheveled. "A day off quite hectic?"

"Nothing that I can't handle." Steve replied simply keeping eye contact with Fury.

The latter merely nodded in response before suddenly pulling out a manilla file almost identical to his. Steve frowned as he leaned over to retrieve the file before feeling the muscles in his back tense again as he takes a glimpse at the name on the front.

**Danae Dimarco. Apartment 4A.**

He found himself strangely forced to open it but he restrained himself as he cast a frustrated glance at the man in front of him. "You spied on me?"

"Not really." Fury answered enigmatically before signing the file in his hands. "We just did a little introspection in most of your neighbors before choosing your apartment. Contrary to what you may think, Captain, we care about your well-being."

Steve instantly left a scoff in doubt before resting the file on top of the desk in mistrust. "Why show me this particular file?"

"Our analysts were able to identify those present on this infiltration conducted by DC police. Given that this young woman who lives in your building was present, we can only deduce that you were there because of her."

Now, Steve did not really know why, but he could not help straightening up as he immediately took her defense. "Danae has absolutely nothing to do with the Shield."

He pointed the file to prove his point before arching an eyebrow as Fury hummed in defiance. "Mm, you have not even looked at her file. An ex-member of the special forces on Earth then in the Navy. A set of skills more than commendable as a Sniper. She could make an addition of choice for the Shield."

Steve had to take a moment to make the fact that Danae had more in common with him. He knew that Ben had been in the army but he never thought that she was a soldier. She did not seem like the type to receive orders or even to follow them. And yet, she seemed to hide even more secrets that he wanted to discover.

Nevertheless, he certainly did not want to see her involved with the Shield. She was currently the first person he felt ready to open. Plus, he doubted she would appreciate whether a government agency was trying to recruit her because of him. This would only serve to aggravate their already complicated relationship.

He took a deep breath as he stabilized in the hope of making his point clear. "As I said, Danae Dimarco has nothing to do with the Shield."

* * *

"C'mon, stop doing that head. We caught the bad guys. Yey!"

I gave Jay a flat gaze as I held my door ajar visibly still pissed off by the outcome of the afternoon. "I thought I told you not to contact me before a long, very long time."

"You got shot." Jay answered at once with a sharp look at the torn sleeve in the middle of my leather jacket. "I had to at least check that you were fine."

I rolled my eyes as I still felt the scratched skin scratching against the bandage tissue that I had just made. "I am perfectly fine. The bullet scrabbled me."

"Good." Said Jay shaking his head before letting me narrow my eyes to him in impatience at his stagnant presence.

Obviously, he was not ready to leave. Which foreshadowed only one thing and I was not particularly impatient for the questioning to come.

"So ... who was the knight in muscle armor?"

_Here we go!_

I immediately pinched the bridge of my nose at the simple reminder before tightening my jaw by giving a warning look at the tall brown."Just go home, Khallahan."

"Okay, so touchy subject." Answered the brown instead with a sly grin making me shake my head in annoyance.

Conversely, the brown let a smile curl his lips. "I have the right to inquire. You must admit that it's quite strange. You're not the type to make friends easily."

"There is a point for your questions?" I breathed impatiently as I could feel a slight headache pointing the tip of his nose.

"You know he looked familiar." Khallahan continued pushing a little more on my buttons as he rubbed his bearded chin in thought. "You know like when you see a celebrity but you can't remember his name anymore."

I could feel a slight sense of panic that Khallahan was finding out who Steve really was. I did not need to be associated with Captain America anymore. I could already see the jokes of the brown for miles around. Not to mention that I just did not want to talk more about Steve. I just wanted to sit on my couch and have a good beer in front of my computer.

Unfortunately, a set of steps becoming a little more familiar to me was soon to be heard on the stairs. I was already letting out a slight grunt in the realization even before the object of our discussion stopped at the end of the corridor.

Unsurprisingly, Khallahan's eyes widened over the big blond before immediately dismissing his gaze at me as he quickly connected the dots. "The fuck-"

"Okay, it's time for you to clear my landing." I ordered dryly as I took him by the shoulders before pushing him towards the stairs.

I made a point of avoiding Steve's curious and somewhat veiled eyes as I passed him before glancing over my shoulder as he walked to his apartment.

I found myself watching him in silence as he grabbed the keys to his apartment to open it before immediately turning my eyes to Khallahan as he made a small sound of total surprise."Oh my god, he's-"

"One word and I push you." I interrupted him dryly only the brown merely widened his mischievous smile.

"You know you will end to love me if you continue with these threats."

I rolled my eyes completely unconscious of a certain super soldier intentionally hovering in front of his door. I raised my hand with the intention of pushing him only the tall brown let out a slight hoarse laugh before grabbing my hand more gently than I had expected.

He carefully turned the arm where the bullet had torn into my jacket before giving me a sharp look. "Take care of this arm."

"Only if you get the hell out here." I replied immediately in a spirit of bargaining before finally turning on my heels as he nodded firmly.

I could vaguely hear his footsteps getting away as I made my way back to my half-open apartment. Only it was before raising my head just to make eye contact with the tall blond still in front of his door. I froze despite myself under the weight of his inquisitive eyes before seeing his attention stop on my injured arm.

He seemed about to comment on it but I was eager to take the lead. "It's just a scratch. Nothing to worry about."

Obviously, I should have known that it did not seem enough for the virtuous Captain as he frowned. "You should ask Kate to take a look."

I gave him a flat look split between disbelief and annoyance before pressing my good hand on my hip to gauge him with attitude. "You don't really understand the meaning of : go away, do you?"

"Let's just say I'm not the kind to back down at the first sign of trouble." Replied the tall blond with a slight smile curving his full lips.

I rolled my eyes at the obvious reference of his stubborn character described in the history books. "For the record, I'm still thinking of hitting you."

"It wouldn't be the first time."

I could not help but leave a light laugh to share soon with the big blond. I ended up shaking my head feeling strangely calmer before realizing that the tall blond was the source of my appeasement.

I immediately lowered my smile in a simple smile with pinched lips before signing my door."I should go home. "

"Danae ..." I swiveled back on my heels at Steve's uncertain call before feeling that hesitation again as he signed his door. "Do you want ... I mean ... can we talk?"

I immediately glanced at my door open in indecision before shaking my head as I filled the space to close it. Once locked, I put my keys in the pocket of my jeans before turning back to the big blond. I did not know the small, relieved smile on his lips as he opened the door before walking in front as he motioned me to enter.

I was making my way through his living room by mere habit now before almost instantly crossing my arms on my chest in an uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability. Now that I was in his apartment with the full recap of the evening, I felt exposed.

I swallowed at the mere thought before turning on my heels just to see Steve remove his leather jacket he had worn during the fight in the warehouse. Now that I thought about it, he was still fully covered with the dust of the fight.

I was thinking of questioning him about his outfit only the tall blond took the lead this time. "I would like to apologize."

"Sorry, what?" I exclaimed visibly caught off guard before frowning as I could see that sympathy in his eyes again. "Oh, oh, don't look at me like that. "

The sincere expression turned into interrogation, letting me replace vulnerability with anger."Like what? "

"Like I'm some porcelain doll about to break. I'm not fragile, okay?" I warned, raising my voice slightly as I could feel the tremors again along my arms. "If you think you know me because I made you drunk confessions then you can go back. You don't know anything. Okay? Nothing !"

However, Steve seemed all but about to step back this time as he nodded his head in affirmation. "You're right. I don't know anything about you. And that may be the problem, you will not let anyone come near you."

"Oh, oh ..." I gasped in an angry laugh of disbelief before pointing at him in frustration. "Look who's talking. How many people did you say about Bucky, huh?"

I almost instantly regretted bringing his best friend into the conversation as I could see his frustrated expression quickly turning into an ice mask.

He cocked his jaw obviously just as frustrated before leaving a laugh."Really? And you ? How many people did you talk about Ben without being drunk? Or even have a simple conversation about you without any barrier or animosity protecting you."

I could feel the sting of tears behind my eyes as he had just thrown my only defense mechanism in my face. Obviously, he had had too much opportunity to analyze me. That was enough to make me even more angry.

"Oh, fuck off, old man!"

"Here it is. Insults."Steve replied, supporting my gaze with determination.

At this point, he had long understood that she was using insults to avoid the subject. A fact that he had long used by more appropriate word choices during his time in the thirties.

"Yeah, here is it." I agreed fiercely with attitude before giving him a restless look. "You know what? It was a bad idea. I don't even know why I agreed to come."

I shook my head in the hustle and bustle as I tried to overtake him only the tall blond hastened to block the way. "No ... you will not leave. I will not let you run away again. Not this time."

"But what can it do to you for God's sake?" I exploded as I took a step back before fighting the tears threatening to run down my cheeks. "Why is it so important to you? Why do you really want to know how I feel? Why don't you stop being there to remind me of those fucking feelings? I don't want to remember Ben's death, you get it? I don't want to feel this fucking pain, this agony, this ... this ..."

At this point, I was no longer in control of my feelings as I could feel all these pent-up emotions assailing me like a tidal wave. I immediately brought my hands to my lips as I literally burst into tears. I could feel the tears running freely down my cheeks as a cry threatened to escape me as the muscles of my chest tightened a little with each sobs.

Soon enough, I felt my legs turn into a cotton ball letting me meet the ground with full force.

I did not even care about the big blond with me in the room as I unfastened my hands to let a strangled cry pass my lips.

However, I was not long in feeling a pair of strong arms hugging around my little form invests of uncontrollable jolt. I clung to his shirt in a last hope to regain some control but it was useless. I hid my wet face in the hollow of his shoulder instead and let myself cry and scream until I did not have enough energy to do anything.

Finally, Steve's reassuring words registered in my mind reminding me of where I was. I could feel the exhausted muscles of my body straining in realization before staying a little longer without moving in spite of myself. His embrace was strangely comforting and I felt almost safe in his arms.

Only it was not who I was.

I ended up leaning back a bit, leaving Steve access to look at my tear-stained face with a bruised look. He stepped back a little to let me breathe, letting me look up at him in a dreary silence.

I was slowly catching my breath as I could feel these feelings flowing fully down my veins again.

"Danae ..."

I shook my head to signal to him not to speak further before helping me off the ground to get up. I took a deep breath as I rubbed my cheeks with a wave of the hand before going around him without a word.

This time, he did not block my way as I headed for the exit before slamming the door behind me.

I could not do that with him. With whoever.


	8. Expectation is the root of all heartache

**Hey,**

**I'm not really sure what you think of this story. I write to pass the time honestly and I came up with this idea. I'm trying to stay as close to Steve Rogers' character so I hope it's pretty consistent. I know that Danae can be complex and a kind of anti-hero but I prefer complex female characters so ^^**

**In any case, thank you very much for those who follow this story and have leave comments.**

**I hope to hear more of your opinions.**

* * *

_Expectation is the root of all heartache. William Shakespeare_

* * *

I was definitely and undeniably disturbed.

In such a short time, Steve had managed to undo what had taken me over three years to build. My barriers, my carapace had been removed to see beyond the outside cold and distant. And now, I was even more tormented and broken than I imagined. The nightmares had intensified and dark thoughts seemed more and more present. And between all that, Steve kept coming back to haunt me.

I was always madly angry but at this point I was only mad at myself for cracking so easily. I knew it would eventually happen but I had imagined this more with Sam or even Kate. They seemed the only ones able to push me into my entrenchments.  
I was once again as sensitive as sandpaper. The other day, I started crying in front of a simple ice cream jar. Simply because it was Ben & Jerry's brand.

I was definitely pathetic again. Well, I was already a form of pathetic but now I had the demonstrations of weaknesses that went with it.

"And I thought that I might have a pleasant and long conversation with my daughter-in-law today."

I jumped slightly at the agreement of the hoarse voice before giving an apologetic look at the woman in front of me. "Sorry, Alma. It's just ... nothing."

"Obviously, it's not." Alma objected, giving me that famous look of waiting as she repositioned herself with a slight grimace against her pillow. "I may be old but I can still say when something is wrong, sweatshirt."

I immediately let out a hissing objection before giving her a sharp look. "You're not old, Alma. I know a lot of women who dream of having your physique."

"Yes, I am. And I'm good with that." Insisted the stubborn old redhead. "But I'm still perceptive. So, tell me, what is causing these awful little wrinkles on your forehead?"

She immediately raised her hand in anticipation of my embrace, letting me make a faint smile despite myself as I squeezed her hand over the blanket of the bed. She was amazingly in full possession of her abilities today. It was comforting to know that she was not yet fully at an advanced stage of the disease.

Knowing that she would not let the subject fall so easily, I let a trembling breath leave my lips before leaving the bomb in the open air."There is this man."

"When is there not a man?"

I hastened to frown in the realization before squinting my lips as I gave her a new look almost disgusted with myself. "I shouldn't even talk to you about that. It's not right."

"Why ? Because I am an old senile woman?" Alma replied immediately with a hint of humor but I just shake my head despite the little smile on my lips. "So ... how is he? Is he cute?"

I hurried to shake my head in the objection. "No, no, no, it's not like that. He's ... he's just my neighbor. But for some reason ... he brings out feelings that I had buried. I think he wants to get to know me."

"And that's obviously a horrible thing, right?" Alma replied with a slight attitude, letting me give her a flat look that gave the old woman a laugh. "Danae, why struggling to get to know him? To finally live your life."

"I live my life."

"This is not the life you should be living." Tsk Alma seriously. "Visiting your mother-in-law, follow these people to bring some peace to their family." She let out a breath as she gently softened her gaze at the photo perched on her bedside table. "That's not what my Ben would have wanted for you."

In spite of myself, I took hold of her hand at the mere mention of her son before turning away my eyes as I could feel this emotion again along my throat. I had to take several deep breaths to control my trembling voice before giving her a new look.

She glanced at the picture frame perched on her nightstand before giving me a look of sympathy. "I know you miss him, Dan. I miss him terribly too. Every day. But it's time to move on, don't you think?"

I could feel a silent tear sliding down my cheek as I looked at the family picture right in front of me. I still remembered the day it was taken. It was during the announcement of my pregnancy. Ben and I had all planned to make this moment as special for Alma as it was for us. It was also the last picture that Ben and I had taken together. The same evening, he had gone on deployment and had never returned.

A slight pressure on my hand forced me to take my eyes off the picture to look at Alma, wiping the damp trace down my cheek. "It wasn't the life I had imagined."

"Take advice from a woman who has lived : it rarely is." Alma said sympathetically as she traced light circles on the top of my hand. "But that doesn't stop us from getting the best of what's happening to us."

I swallowed as I could see the truth in her words before finally leaving the truth in the air in a shaking breath. "I'm scared, Alma."

"I know, sweetie." Alma whispered in a weak voice before letting a slight smile bend her lips."You know, I have not always been that old, crumpled old shrew. I had a life too before. And believe me, it was pretty busy."

I could not help the slight snort of laughter at the woman's statement before nodding my head with a real smile on my lips. "Okay, okay, I get it. You were a real thief of hearts."

"What I was." Alma agreed eagerly with a mischievous smile before giving me another glance. "This boy ... he's a good person?"

I found myself leaning against the back of my seat keeping our hands clasped to the question before holding back a scoff at the euphemism. He was the epitome of good. Certainly, I could detect some defect of character but it was freaking Captain America. I assumed there was no better synonym for describing someone good.

With a nod, I silently answered Alma's question.

The latter gave a nod in return with confidence. "Good. You deserve the best."

"I already had the best." I recalled with slight bitterness along my voice giving Alma a new look. "And then, it's definitely not like that between him and me. I hit the guy the second time we met."

Alma widened her eyes to this new piece of information. "And he still wants to get to know you? "

I paused almost guilty before grinning in uncertainty. " I suppose ?"

"Well, if he still wants to get to know you, he must be a good person." Assured Alma with a nod, before giving me a teasing grin. "God knows you're not easy."

This time, I just rolled my eyes before giving a breath of laughter. "You're not wrong."

Alma laughed in turn before quickly falling into a fit of coughing. I hurried to reach for the carafe of water on the bedside table before giving her a drink. She took a sip in a comfortable silence before resting the glass on the bedside table as she lay down with an exhausted breath.

I allowed myself to fall a moment into my whirlwind of thought. I bit the inside of my cheek by a simple habit before turning my gaze to the city of DC through the windows.

I had to admit that maybe it was not such a bad idea after all to open to someone. And even if that someone happened to be Steve. After all, when we thought about it, he was probably the best person to understand me without much difficulty. He had lived his lot of dramas and he was not really the type to judge. Except for rudeness and my slight case of repeated violence.

Not to mention that he was now the most informed about my true thoughts. He had more keys to understand me than most of my friends. And maybe that was what I needed. A total stranger to be able to leave this hell in which I had buried myself during the last three years.

After all, if Alma pushed me then it meant maybe it was time to leave a slight gap in my armor. A tiny and ridiculous breach. He had already dug out of his own free will and I had not even been cooperative. And even though I was terrified of the consequences, part of me could not help but want to give this plausible friendship a chance.

After all, there was absolutely nothing wrong with befriending the little darling of America."Danae? "

I left my train of thought with a slight smile at Alma's question. Only, I was quick to turn my smile into a thin line at the sight of the slight frown on her angular face.

I watched as her confused look shifted on our crisscrossed hands before she turned her attention back to me. "Have you been here a long time?"

I tried to control my tone of disappointment as I slightly tightened my hand against her. "I've been here for a while now. But that's fine, you were asleep most of the time."

"Oh ..." She agreed, shaking her head as I swallowed before forcing a weak sad smile on my lips as she turned to me enthusiastically."How you're doing?"

I nodded sympathetically before starting the conversation we had when I arrived. Steve's subject far in my mind as I focused only on the wonderful woman in front of me.

I adjusted the collar of my turtleneck under my leather jacket as I made my way through the hallways of the retirement home before turning left to take the stairs leading into the lobby.

Not surprisingly, I was not long in seeing a small brunette with slightly rounded belly causing a slight smile on my lips. For once, I did not feel so burdened and guilty after one of my meetings with Alma and it was good.

A fact that Robbie soon noticed as she frowned slightly with an uncertain smile on her naturally matte lips. "Hey, you look ... calm?"

"Interesting choice of words." I said with a small smirk before placing my eyes on her bulging stomach, lowering me slightly in a whisper.

"Hey you ... it's me, Danae, your aunt. I'm not really a good example right now but I promise you that I will try to improve myself."

I sat up with a little uncertain smile on my lips as I thought about what I was going to do to approach my neighbor again without acting like crazy.

Conversely, Robbie now had a complete look of confusion as she glanced between her belly and me. "What has just happened?"

"Just a secret between his aunt and him."

"It's about the size of a nut right now." Robbie reminded, rolling her eyes slightly in spite of the smile tingling her lips. "But it's nice to see you like that. It gives me an idea."

I crossed my arms over my chest with an arching eyebrow waiting this time. "And what is it?"

"Well, you know I've always dreamed of a baby shower, right?" She reminded me with a spark of mischief in her eyes, making me turn back slightly, pointing at her as a warning sign."And since you're officially the godmother-"

"You know what?" I interrupted eagerly. "I just remembered that I had an unfinished business waiting for me at the office."

I did not give her enough time to recover from her surprise as I walked around with a quick step before heading for the exit before it was too late.

* * *

I already knew I was in one of those nightmares before I even opened my eyes. The pleasant smell of his perfume was an equivocal clue.  
I slowly opened my eyes to our ceiling in our bedroom before simply standing still waiting for the rest. I no longer had the strength to fight at this stage. I was tired of fighting the effects of those dreams.

However, it seems that this time, Ben was not with me.

I frowned despite myself as I sat up in our bed to look for him. A feeling of panic settled quickly in my chest as I realized it was not my usual dream. There were always some different variables each time but there were always some obvious recurrences. Ben was one of them.

I pulled the cover off of my bare legs since I was in a simple navy V-neck T-shirt and a red lace shorty. It was the usual pajamas I slept in when I was still living with Ben.

I could feel my long locks cascading down my back as I moved silently through our room towards the exit.

Strangely, I did not seem to be able to go anywhere but towards our living room. I let myself be carried with a deep feeling of discomfort as I suddenly found myself in the middle of our living room. I did not even remember crossing our door.

I scanned the place carefully as I could feel my heart speeding up in my chest before finally getting to know the familiar noises coming from our kitchen. The sound of pots and pans lining together was a regular occurrence in our front household. Ben loved to make breakfast and watch me eat the food he had prepared as a sort of strange vulture.

I told him many times it was creepy but he did not want to hear anything.

Again, I felt myself moving without even wanting it and soon enough I was watching Ben's moving back as he danced slightly to the music coming out of his phone.

I did not even realize there was music until now. And to amplify the thing, it was not an unknown music. No, it was the same jazz music I had listened to in Steve's apartment.

I frowned on the phone in a feeling of complete puzzlement before settling on the agreement of Ben's voice. "Good morning, gorgeous."

I did not even have time to recover from my surprise as he stole a kiss before moving back with a broad, proud smile on his lips. I found myself just looking at him with a wide conflictual look. I could feel the joy invading me at the sight but part of me kept reminding me that it could not be real.

"You're not really here."

"Of course not." Ben answered quickly with that famous expression of malice that I cherished so much. "I died a long time ago now."

I could feel the tears flowing behind my eyes at his hard answer letting me gauge him in complete agony as he resumed breakfast as if nothing had happened. I preferred dreams where he pretended to be still there. No, I wanted to go back to those dreams. They were definitely less painful.

Denial was less painful.

I literally had to support myself against the counter as I could feel my heart falling three thousand feet into my chest. I could feel this strange pain along my lungs as if I were about to run out of air. I had never experienced such a realistic dream before.

It was more and more alarming.

Nevertheless, I could not help but let the next words soaked with agony leave my lips."So why ? Why you keep haunting me?"

Ben immediately stopped what he was doing as he gave me a silent look over his shoulder built with a slight smile curving his lips. He stared at me with his deep coal eyes before stepping in my direction, letting me tighten my grip on the counter. I could feel my clearly cut nails digging deeper into the surface. The pain was minute compared to that of my broken heart.

"Dan, Dan, Dan ..." He whispered as he stopped at my height before taking my face between his calloused hands. I let out a trembling breath at the touch as he raised my chin to make eye contact. "I'm not the one who haunts you. You're the only one who calls me in your dreams."

I let out a hiccup of disbelief this time as he gently rubbed his thumbs against my cheeks before suddenly applying more force to his grip. I found myself grinning at the pain flooding my face before widening my eyes as Ben soon gave way to another person.

Me. Or rather, my old self.

The latter quickly moved her hands from my face to my neck. If I was not so disturbed by the turn of this dream, I would have been more alarmed by our position.

I could easily see the differences between this Danae and myself. One had a fuller face and a warmer sparkle in her golden-brown eyes. Her hair was longer and neater. But what differed the most was the little bump adorning her abdomen.

"No, no ..." I murmured in realization as I remained transfixed on this hump."No, I don't want ... please."

"He died because of you. All this is because of you." Declared my pregnant version still holding me in an iron vise. "You don't deserve to live. You don't deserve Steve either."

I widened my eyes at the mention of the blond before bringing my hands on her wrists as I could feel the air I miss. I tried to fight as a vicarious panic invaded me. I was trying to remember the fighting techniques I had learned for such a situation but I was unable to do anything.

Maybe I was destined to choke on my own. After all, it was what I had unconsciously done during the last three years.

* * *

"Danae? Dan? Dan? Wake up !"

I jumped awake to the strangely familiar voice before jumping into my office seat looking frantically around me in a defensive posture.

I was about to hit the tall blond currently in front of me but I stopped at the last moment with a deep frown in the realization. "Rogers?"

"Danae ..." Steve breathed relieved as he settled against the desk with a deeply worried look on me. "You okay? "

I let my breath grow tired before letting myself fall heavily against my chair. I rubbed the heel of my palms against my eyes to try to hide the tears left behind by my nightmares before fully realizing the content of the situation.

I slowly lowered my hands from my face with a deep frown before giving an incredulous look at the tall blond hovering over me like a hawk. "The hell you're doing here ?"

"You have not been back to your apartment for more than two days." He commented with this expression of reprimand.

If he did not seem so worried, I was sure he would have blushed at the insinuation he had just made.

However, it still did not explain what he was doing here or even how he knew where my office was.

"How you find me ?" I asked at once in the mistrust suddenly receiving an almost shameful expression of the blond.

He straightened slightly pushing from my desk to the other side before settling into one of the available chairs. I tried to ignore the way he seemed to be making his mark before crossing my arms over my expectant chest. Steve leaned heavily back against the back of the chair, letting me see the light bags under his eyes for the first time since my awakening. I jabbed my jaw as I could feel a rude question on the tip of my tongue. I had to remember that I was trying to make amends with the blond and that meant not to offend him further.

"What has happened?" He asked instead of answering me.

I decided to let go for now as I cracked my neck slightly from left to right during my explanation."Night terrors. Usually they are not so violent. I thought I was used to it but this dream was particularly ... lively."

I ended on a slower and more uncertain note as I realized I was coming back to reveal one of my deepest secrets. And for once, I did not feel so irritated at the idea.

Nevertheless, I could not help feeling that deep fear again in the back of my mind.

I let my eyes go back to Steve in apprehension just to realize he was wearing an expression of total disbelief to my uncompromising confession.

"What? "

He quickly cleared his throat to regain his surprise before giving me a comprehensive look."It happens often ?"

"Each night." I answered in a flat whisper as I played absently with the pile of files on the top of my desk to avoid his inquisitive look.

A slight silence passed between us as he seemed to accept my answer as such.

However, he was not slow to break the silence again in uncertainty. "So ... did ... well, you have not come back since what happened ..."

"Seriously?" I exclaimed flatly this time as I realized what he was implying."You know, not everything revolves around you."

Steve gave me a flat look before just shrugging his shoulders as he settled more comfortably in his seat. I arched an eyebrow with slight amusement as he took more interest in my office. His gaze soon turned to the anti-stress, baseball-shaped, oval-shaped form that littered my desk. He raised an eyebrow visibly intrigued as he probably thought of a real ball. He did not really seem to mind my attention as he absently took the ball with interest before quickly frowning at the soft consistency of the ball.

That was enough to remind me that he was not an ordinary man. After all, they didn't do that kind of thing in the 1930s.

"It's an anti-stress ball." I interjected immediately; his attention slightly embarrassed. "It's quite useful when you feel those irritating little tremors in your limbs. Here ... you're supposed to knead it." I held out my hand expectantly to show him how to use it. "I guess they didn't have that in your time, huh?"

Steve tilted his head slightly with a slightly outdated expression."There are many things we didn't have at the time."

Honestly, it was probably the first time I really felt bad for him. This simple fact was enough to make me realize how hard it had been for him to become familiar with the twenty-first century.

I narrowed my lips in a decision before suddenly throwing the ball unceremoniously on the top of my desk to get up.

I was already in the process of putting on my suede jacket as Steve got up in confusion."What are you doing ? "

"I'm starving." I replied simply as I walked around my desk intending to leave before pausing with an eyebrow arched at his silence."You can eat, right? "

A teasing smile soon bowed my lips as he wrinkled his lips in annoyance before walking forward in annoyance. "I'm still human, you know."

"Oh, believe me, I know." I answered with a slight mischievous sparkle in my eyes as I openly checked him more and more amused by his obvious embarrassment. "A fine piece of human being."

Steve looked honestly offended by my direct flirt before clearing his throat sharply as he realized what I had done. "You did it on purpose."

"It's too easy." I giggled with amusement as I closed my office before walking beside him to the stairs. "One would think that with your old age you would be used to flattery now."

Steve gave me a warning look from the side at my visibly unresponsive side."I haven't really lived all these years."

"Right, little episode of cryopreservation." I was about to get on the sidewalk only the tall blond seemed once again confused by my choice of word. I raised an eyebrow in anticipation before rolling my eyes. "Oh god, what are we going to do with you?"

I took his forearm with a slight feeling of surprise at the sensation of muscles evident even in this part of his body before pulling him with me on the sidewalk. I was not really paying attention to the slight blush along his cheeks as I thought more about where we should eat.

Finally, I stopped on a small hot dog vendor and found myself now looking expectantly as Steve took his first bite. It was nothing fancy and I assumed that he had already had a hot dog in his life but it was oddly interesting to see his reactions.

"So ? Which one is better? Thirties or the future?" I teased with a small, expectant smile.

Steve took another bite with a slight thoughtful frown before he swallowed with a small smile in my direction. "Well, the food is definitely better now."

"Mm, I know a lot of studies that would disagree but I guess fast food is better." I conceded as I grabbed my sandwich myself before continuing to walk calmly through the streets.

It was still early in the afternoon and most passersby were mere latecomers or walkers like our duo. Once again, I had to admit that walking with Steve was nice. He was not windy or playful like Robbie. He was calm and simple.

It helped me a little with the promise I made myself. I was genuinely going to try this friendship.

"You know it's probably the first time in a while I've been walking down the street without someone to follow." I confessed suddenly as I focused my eyes in front of us.

I could feel Steve's surprised and attentive look on my side as he seemed to be thinking about his next question. "You ... you don't do that kind of thing with the Nurse Myers?"

"Please, call her Robbie. It's too weird to call her that." I shuddered slightly at the mere mention of my friend's title before answering."And to answer your question, I'm not the most open for this kind of thing. Most of the time, she must send me more than fifteen messages before I agree to come somewhere with her."

"So why are you doing it now?"

I assumed I should have expected his next question. After all, he had every right to question my choice since I had never really been inclined to let him into my life before.

I narrowed my lips in search of an answer that did not sound too cheesy or even strange before opting for deflection. " I was hungry. You're the one who followed me. "

I simply shrugged my shoulders to accompany my answer before walking a little ahead of him as I took a new bite.

However, I was not slow to take a break as I realized that the tall blond had not followed me. I looked over my shoulder at once with an arched eyebrow in a sign of impatience only I was soon to lose the attitude.

Steve seemed undeniably and deeply lost in his own little world. I was not even sure he knew I was still here. He had his blue-blue eyes riveted on the hot dog in his hand and a visibly nostalgic little smile on his lips.

I swallowed the rest of my previous mouthful before I threw the rest of my sandwich into the nearest trash as I made my way back to the soldier. I was thinking of a way to bring him back among us without rushing him before leaving a snort as I remembered that subtlety was anything but my forte.

"Gosh, am I going to have to worry about losing you as a little kid?" Steve jumped out of his memory stupor with his raised eyebrows visibly surprised. It had the gift of making me frown in my turn. "You okay, old man?"

"I'm fine." He squeaked between his teeth as he straightened up before giving me a sharp look to accompany his point. "Thought it would be even better if you stopped calling me that. "

I raised one eyebrow this time with curiosity and malice. " Like what ?"

"You know how." The blond insisted wearily.

"Your loss. And me who wanted to introduce little nicknames to become besties." I said sarcastically before walking back through the park.

I was completely ignorant of the captain's little smile on my profile before he turned his eyes to the horizon.

He was not slow to lose his smile as he swallowed with the attention of sharing his thoughts,"You make me think of him. "

I raised my eyebrows in surprise at his admission. I did not need details to know who he was talking about. I remained calm, waiting for more. I knew personally how difficult it could be to share.

Once again, we seemed to share more commonalities than I had first imagined.

"I'm from Brooklyn so pizza was more our thing, you know? But he and I went regularly to this place before ending up eating on the street. "He said with a small smile in his memory."A bit like right now. It's probably the first time I have not felt uncomfortable or even lost in the street since ..."

I just nodded as a sign of acceptance. I assumed that was already much more than me at this stage. I was still barely able to talk openly about Ben without some kind of mini-attack.

I scanned the air around us looking for a diversion before spotting the flyer for the Captain America exhibit currently at the museum. I immediately arched an eyebrow as an idea jumped into my mind before casting an interested look at the tall blond. The latter seemed totally ignorant of my new enlightenment as he walked to the nearest trash to get rid of his hot dog's wrapper. Taking advantage of his back turned, I hastened to pick up the flyer for future reference before folding it quickly to store it in the back pocket of my cargo pants.

Steve turned back to me in a somewhat more casual way than before, before stopping by my side with interest. "So ... what are we doing now?"

"Well, I guess I should go back to work. I am currently working on a case right now." I explained with a rise of my shoulders in the uncertainty.

However, I was not long in feeling a slight hint of guilt at the sight of the almost disappointed expression of the Captain. "Oh ... right. I probably had taken enough of your time."

The once comfortable silence between us soon became clumsy as I looked anywhere except him.

I chewed the inside of my cheek in the realization before turning my attention to the big one with uncertainty. "You could escort me?That's what you do, right?"

"What we do ?"

"You know ..." I insinuated with a naughty tip as I narrowed my eyes at him with a smirk. "To accompany the ... lady, hold the doors open-"

Steve was quick to pinch the bridge of his nose before shaking his head with a tense smile."Okay, okay, very funny. "

"Wait, did you know the dinosaurs?" I continued with hilarity in my voice.

Steve immediately raised his hand to the sky in abandonment this time before turning on his heel, letting me giggle as I watched his wide, receding back. Nevertheless, I quickly resumed my laugh as I rushed after him with fun always drawn on my face.

"C'mon, it was just a joke." I assured myself with a slight smile, this time. "We will have to work on this susceptibility in the future."

When I thought about it, I had probably smiled more in the last hour than in the last years.

Steve did not really look like a spiteful guy, as he immediately gave me a startled look. "In the future ?"

"Yeah." I replied, shrugging my shoulders nonchalantly before giving him a hesitant look. "I mean ... if you want? "

This time, it was Steve's turn to leave a wide amused smile as he took in my uncomfortable position. "What assure me that I'm not going to get hit again?"

"Absolutely nothing. That's the big thrill." I answered confidently this time before coming forward while teasing him over my shoulder as I took the lead. "Do you think your fragile heart will be able to bear it?"

Obviously, that prevented me from seeing the slight smile curving his lips as he looked at my back with satisfaction.


	9. We fall We break We fail

_We fall. We break. We fail. But then, we rise. We heal. We overcome. Unknow_

* * *

After that afternoon, I did not really have time to see Steve again.

I had been taken by my job and the dropped from the mission with Khallahan. I was totally unable to get in touch with Steve. And since I did not have any casual encounters with my neighbor, I assumed Steve was just as busy.

_Who really knew with his government agency._

Honestly, I did not really care about his other status until now. I relied solely on the man and not on the super soldier who was part of the Avengers.

Anyway, I decided to start doing what I promised myself.

_Try_.

Of course, if he was not there then I should just postpone the big change.

_Encouraging!_

_Okay, so maybe I was not very enthusiastic about this big change. But who could possibly blame me for that?__  
_

_Robbie? Sat ? Davis? Kate? Alm-__  
_

_Okay, shut up internal voice, I get it._

I held a shudder as I realized I was literally talking to myself before whispering under my breath. "I really need a friend."

I couldn't start talking to myself. It was the beginning towards the end of the woman with seventy cats. I winced at the thought before quickly making my way into our living room before suddenly pause at the sight of Kate basking in front of the television. I wrinkled my lips as I weighed the pros and cons before advancing shyly to the couch. I sat quietly on the armrest to avoid annoying her during her usual little Saturday marathon before crossing my arms over my chest as I took a look at her selection today.

Right, Supernatural.

It was a series about supernatural beings and monsters of all kinds. It was almost not as boring as most of her other programs. And to be honest, the two main protagonists were particularly nice to watch. I remember spending some nights with Kate watching two-three episodes with her.

Nevertheless, since I had something personal enough to ask her, I chose to play the ignorant."Sooo ... what are you looking at?"

"Supernatural." The blonde simply replied as she picked up a new handful of popcorn.

Of course, she already knew I was there. It was absolutely disconcerting how she always knew where I was. I was supposed to be the private detective not her. Sometimes I suspected she was a kind of super spy. Anyway, I let a low hum as acceptance before I froze as she suddenly focused her attention on me.

I was not long in meeting her eyes with an arched eyebrow for innocence. "What?"

"You want something." She guessed without a shadow of a doubt making me squint my lips in a tense smile. "You never stay after asking me what I'm looking at. Unless we are in the middle of the night and you're trying to fight against sleep."

_Dammit! I hated how she could read me so easily!_

I let a dramatic sigh as I slid further on the couch casually rocking to the right before spreading more with a small rebound. I was now with the upper part of my body lying on the rest of the sofa while my legs were hanging on the armrest. I could see Kate in an inverted angle leaving me a clear view of her jaw cleared by the ponytail in which she had tied her hair.

I was quickly turning my attention to the ceiling with my hands crossed over my abdomen as I chewed the inside of my cheek.

I kept my eyes on the ceiling looking for a way to bring the subject without sounding suspicious. "So, I have this friend-"

"You have friends?" Kate quipped, giving me a sharp look visibly incredulous.

I took a deep breath clearly bored by her interruption before giving her a sharp look in my turn. "So, I was saying before I was rudely interrupted that I have this friend trying to make another friend. But she doesn't really have any expertise in this area- "

"To make friends?" Kate interrupted again, making my eyes roll in frustration.

"Yes!"

"And we don't talk about you at all." The blonde commented again with sarcasm this time.

"No, we don't talk about me." I insisted despite the obvious fact that I had been unmasked before giving her a petty grimace since she could not really see me. "Can I continue? Or you want to add something else?"

Kate seemed to sense my bored tone as she leaned over to retrieve the remote before pausing the TV to fully turn to me. I immediately composed my grimace in a patient expression leaving the blonde raise an eyebrow in the interrogation. I let a breath in response before straightening up with my back against the back while I crossed my legs in Indian style on the top of the couch.

"So this friend ..." I turned to Kate as soon as she sat before narrowing my eyes in annoyance."... hypothetical. What does she really want?"

I was looking for a way to get Steve without explicitly saying it was him before shrugging my shoulders in uncertainty. "Well, she doesn't really know what friends do to pass the time. Especially when this other friend is someone ... let's say… old games?"

"Old games ?" Kate repeated doubtfully letting me wince in response. The blonde rolled her eyes at my lack of explanation before sighing.

"Fine. I guess it's already too much information knowing you."

"Kate ..."

"What?" Defended the blonde with the same look heard on her face as me before rolling her eyes to my persistence. "I think they should start with something simple like ... a movie?"

I immediately scratched my nose at the idea before shaking my head. "It looks like a first date for a meeting on the internet. Impersonal and practical if the date doesn't match your expectations."

"Have a nice dinner in a restaurant then."

"I'm trying to- I mean ... _my friend _is trying to become friends with the guy, not to get laid." I corrected myself quickly, avoiding her eyes in the realization.

_Technically, you've already finished in his bed!  
_

_Okay, it's irrelevant.  
_

_Would that damn voice in my head stop?  
_

_Not anytime soon.  
_

_Nobody asked you !_

I could feel her sharp eyes on my profile as I tried to keep my frown on the frozen image of the television. "I thought we were not talking about you."

Obviously, she had caught on my slip. I jabbed my jaw in annoyance before loosening my legs and arms to get up.

I pretended to remove the fluff from my sweater as I gave a sarcastic look on the blonde."Thanks for the help, roommate. It was very informative."

I immediately turned on my heel without really waiting for an answer before closing myself in my room again. It was not today that I was going to find an idea to connect with the super soldier.

* * *

Finally, after spending more than half of my night surfing the internet for the perfect type of activity, the idea appeared on its own.

Hence the reason I was currently getting through my dresser looking for something to wear that was little less work-related. I was sure that I still had some outfit that did not scream angry woman-danger! I ended up grabbing a simple brut skinny jean that I had not worn for some time with a black V-neck t-shirt. I added the finishing touches with a pair of square-heeled riders and a leather jacket. It was comfortable and a bit more feminine than my usual cargo pants and my baseball cap.

Surprisingly, I did not feel so ridiculous in this outfit that I had first imagined it. After all, it was a style I had adopted before.

Anyway, I decided to keep my hair loose along my back leaving me wearing those hair before looking through the mirror. I still had a stack of bags under my eyes and my face was thinner than it had been, but I assumed it was going to do it for today.

After all, it was just a day with friends. A day in a museum exposing the life of one of the friends in question.

I was not sure that this was the best way to break the ice with the big blond or even if he was going to be open for this kind of intrusion into his past but I had already planned to go there for Future reference and I assumed it could be ... fun?

Anyway, I quickly finished adjusting my curls around my face before finally getting out of the bathroom just to take a break from Kate's surprise expression. The latter slowly took in my outfit with a shrug of her eyebrows growing closer to her hairline as she turned her attention back to my face.

She swallowed the piece of bread she was currently chewing before letting her surprise eloquently. "Whoa."

"Hey, you too." I said as I went past her to get the keys from the counter before giving her a look over my shoulder as I headed for the entrance hallway. " Don't wait for me. Oh, and I'm taking your car."

I did not give her time to answer as I slammed the door behind me before straightening my jacket as I turned my attention to the next door. Part of me really hoped he was still absent.

However, I soon came to realize that a larger part of my brain could already sense the disappointment at the thought of his absence. I frowned at this strange thought before making up my mind as I stopped at his door with my fist raised. I hit three free knocks before going back a bit in the meantime. For my greatest relief, I was not slow in hearing footsteps coming from the other side, letting my fists loosen by my side.

Steve was not slow to open the door timidly not used to receiving the visit before surprising me again as he hastened to open his door bigger in my view.

A slight smile curved his lips as he motioned me to enter. "Hey, Danae."

"Steve." I recognized with a small grin of my own as I passed him to enter his little hallway before stopping in his living room by taking a turn on myself to announce the color of the day."So, I hope you had nothing planned today. In fact, if you had planned something you will have to cancel because you and I are going to leave on a small experience."

"An experiment ?" Repeated Steve visibly caught off guard, letting my smile widen mischievously.

"Awesome ! Take a jacket, we're leaving now." I said as I was about to overtake him again before giving him another exam in the realization. "And perhaps something to go unnoticed, it wouldn't be very subtle."

Steve immediately turned on his heels to this new piece of information with a frown. "Will your mystery place involve breaking into a car?"

"I look dressed for a surveillance?" I said, emphasizing my outfit for the first time to the blond's attention.

I frowned as he seemed to take in my form carefully before clumsily clearing my throat in uncertainty.

"Anyway, are you coming or are you staying here?" I asked in impatience.

Steve seemed to come out of his observation as he nodded before asking me to wait a moment. I leaned my head slightly to the side as I was once again facing his muscular back. I had to admit that he was nice enough to watch. It was almost disconcerting when you knew how old he was.

Honestly, the world was not what it was.

I shook my head at this thought as I walked back into his living room as I could vaguely hear him move into his room before stopping in front of his library. I gave an appreciative look at most of his reading choices before suddenly stopping my attention on an old leather notebook. I bit down my cheek with interest before casting a suspicious glance over my shoulder to watch for him. I assumed that a little search never killed anyone.

Honestly knowing the guy, I almost expected to come across the usual diary but was pleasantly surprised by an intriguing drawing of a monkey on a unicycle. He seemed dressed in the costume of Captain America allowing me to imagine the rapprochement without much difficulty. The pages seemed aged and yellowed showing its passage through the years.

I was about to turn a new page when Steve's strangely distant voice surprised me."What are you doing ?"

I suddenly slammed the notebook closed before turning on my heels with a guilty expression.

I quickly put the notebook back on the shelf before lifting my hands up in the air as a sign of mocking-surrender. "It wasn't me; I swear. Word of scout."

I raised three fingers in the scout's sign to accentuate my words, receiving at once a flat look from the blond. "You just rested my notebook. I saw you."

"Really?" I insinuated in my skewed innocence before shrugging my shoulders maliciously."We all see things at one time. This is the kind of thing that happens with age."

This time, Steve rolled his eyes openly, yes rolled his eyes with attitude before putting on his blue baseball cap letting me raise an eyebrow with judgment.

A fact that had the gift of challenging the tall blond with slight annoyance. "What? That's what you thought when you told me to go unnoticed, right?"

"Believe me, it's not going to be enough." I assured by tightening my grip on my satchel litter my right shoulder before I freeze in the realization. "But ... it could do it if you had something extra."

I focused my attention on my bag as I pulled the closure to take my old aviator-style Ray Ban sunglasses before heading to Steve to give it.

He gave a critical look at the glasses in uncertainty before turning his eyes to me. "It's a bit outdated, isn't it?"

"It's vintage, okay." I said, somewhat offended by his judgmental expression before shaking my hand in his direction again. "Plus, I thought you could enjoy. It's closer to your style."

Against all odds, a slight smile appeared on his lips as he took the pair of glasses before trying on it simply to let me give him a shared expression between annoyance and total disbelief.

"Oh fuck!"

"What? What's the matter ?"

"Look at you! You are even hotter than before." I exclaimed in indignation as I turned on my heels for the exit, completely ignorant of the soldier's amusement on my heels as I continued to whisper under my breath. "It shouldn't be allowed. A real eye candy. Did they plan to enslave women at that time? I mean, come on…"

I was still a little steaming as I pushed the doors of the lobby of the building before taking out the keys of Kate's car to unlock the doors.

Conversely, Steve was fully entertained at this point as he wore a real hilarious smile on his lips.

I climbed behind the wheel, pushing the key into the ignition before giving Steve a look as he spoke again. "So ... where are we going? "

"The Smithsonian." I answered as I put on my belt. "Ever been?"

Steve tied his belt before shrugging his shoulders. "I planned to go there at some point."

I could not help but let a small smile curl my lips as it seemed that I had chosen well. With this idea in mind, I took out my phone to connect it in Bluetooth before taking a break as I saw the blond watching my action with attention.

"It's a phone. It's for-"

"I know what a phone is." Steve interrupted me immediately before making a point to take out his own to show it to me.

I recoiled immediately in my seat with a small smile teasing. "Look at you, a real little nerd, huh?"

"Nerd?"

I paused this time as I lost my smile a little before giving him a disillusioned look. "You'd make me almost lose the pleasure of insulting you. Really, it's sad."

I put the ignition on once the connection beep sounded before launching a playlist as I got into the DC traffic.

Unsurprisingly, a wide, hilarious smile crept over my lips as the famous song of the Star-Spangled Man with a Plan resonated between us.

I had made a special playlist for this day and I could already see the emotions dancing on the big blond's face as I literally giggled with laughter. I literally had to fight my laughs to keep driving properly as he hastened to try to figure out how to change the song.

"Seriously? How do we stop this thing?" He grumbled in frustration as he seemed unable to extinguish it before giving me an indignant look. "Danae! "

"Okay, okay ..." I said more as I tapped his hands away from my phone before moving to the next music with an amused breath. "Oh, you should see your head. "

"You think it's funny?"

I immediately gave him a smile of pure satisfaction before arching an arrogant eyebrow. "I think I'm adorable."

A fresh breath of laughter escaped me as Steve raised his eyebrows visibly caught off guard before quickly turning his gaze on the windshield in a word loss. I gave him an incredulous look as he seemed to wear a childish pout before rolling my eyes as I tried to fight my smile.

It seems that the Captain was rather susceptible.

I shook my head at the thought before giving him a new teasing look to try to make him see the good side. "Oh, cut it grumpy. You know it could have been worse. I originally planned to make a playlist of the Backstreet boys."

"Of what?" Steve asked visibly confused again.

I let a puerile smile on my lips as I pointed at him. "Ah, ah, you talked. "

"Mature. "

"Buzzkill. "

I turned my eyes smiling on the road as I entered the highway completely unconscious of the slight smile curving the lips of the tall blond.

Once again, he could not help but connect this with his time with Bucky. It was something they did together regularly. Go on an unexpected adventure and share a light banter during the trip. He had to admit that it was becoming easier for him to share a real conversation with Danae. It was nothing compared to the discussion he had with Natasha or even the other agents of the Strike team.

For once, he did not feel like a Shield pawn, but as a simple guy having a good time with a friend.

* * *

The museum was rather full as I had planned, even for a Sunday. I felt a small note of complacency for remembering to warn Steve for a pseudo disguise.

Surprisingly, he did not seem as disturbed by the crowd as I was. He had just lowered the cap on his face a little further to enter it before pushing his hands into his pockets as we headed for the first exhibitions.

It was not the first time I came here so I just followed Steve where he wanted. I added some mental note to the way his shoulders stretched each time we came into contact with a reminder of war before trying to remind me that he too had probably suffered the same after-effects of the war.

In the end, the silence between us was not uncomfortable or even forced. It was something I noticed between him and me. Every time we lost ourselves in our thoughts, there was this silence of understanding between us. It was nice to feel comfortable for once and not guilty of escaping in one's own mind.

As much as I loved Robbie, I could not help feeling guilty about ruining the mood when I finally fell back into my tormented muteness as soon as Ben was raised or remembered in a conversation.

Steve was different. A good different.

It was therefore without an ounce of surprise that I suddenly felt apprehensive as I saw the next sign leading to the Captain America exhibit. I could not help but feel an ounce of doubt about bringing him here. Especially when he began to realize that there was indeed such an exhibition. I could see his movements slowing down as a row of emotions crossed his angular face. Surprise, sadness, recognition and then ... guilt.

I did not need to know for his part of the show they were directed to easily understand it. He was like an open book at that moment and I felt almost ashamed to introduce him into his old life like that.

Nevertheless, I found myself take in each of the exhibitions with a slight fascination. For an old man, he had certainly lived well. At least in terms of heroic accomplishment.

However, I could easily recognize some quotes. He was as determined and stubborn as ever.

I read an interview about his childhood life in Brooklyn when I saw Steve stop a little further. I hurried to join him before making a sudden stop at the sight of an image of a skinny young man looking a little like the man by my side. He was visibly unhealthy in his army uniform of the time. His sandy blond hair was longer on his face and his cheekbones stood out. Honestly, he seemed about to collapse with the slightest gust of wind. Nevertheless, I found myself leaving a small fond smile on my lips as I could see that true kindness of heart in his determined look.

Certainly the serum had made him damn right attractive but for some reason, I could easily see myself falling for a little guy like that rather than the big one by my side.

Maybe I would have been just as easily fooled by his now advantageous physique but now I preferred to see the suffering and the life experience. If only to not feel so alone. It was probably selfish but it was who I had become and I was not ashamed to say it.

Hence the reason why I decided to share my thoughts in the open. "Damn, I think I fell in love. Look at this little guy. So cute."

"Huh?" Steve exclaimed visibly surprised by my intervention letting me give him a small smile."Very funny."

This time, I raised an eyebrow before frowning lightly."It wasn't a joke. If I had lived in your time, I would have tried something."

I could feel his incredulous and slightly embarrassed look on my profile as I continued to read Steve's pre-serum measurements.

The latter turned to the old version of himself with a critical expression as he let out a sad breath. "You would have been the only one. I didn't really have much luck with the dames."

"It's a joke, right ?" I doubted instantly before feeling a sudden ounce of anger as he nodded."Well fuck these women of your time and their criteria. They were blind."

I shook my head visibly frustrated before turning my heels in the attention of continuing to cross the ramparts of his life. Only, I was a new unaware of the look that Steve was throwing at me as a tiny smile curved his lips. He gave a last glance saddened on his pre-serum version before catching up with his mysterious neighbor doubling in surprise.

He had to admit that he was a little relieved to have her at his side. The more he walked through the exhibition telling the beginning of his life to his sacrifice in the ice, the more he could feel the emotions assail him in a whirlwind. He could feel a slight weight settle on his lungs making it a little more difficult to breathe every minute. And he did not even speak of thoughts swarming in his head. He needed to hear more of Danae's remarks to keep a hold against what was happening to him.

He immediately sought for the brunette through the crowd to discover his life exposed for the public before slowing his steps as he spotted his partner in front of a panel of glass that he would have missed. He swallowed hard as he looked at a picture of his fallen best friend before stopping by Danae's side. He could instantly feel her concerned gaze as he took in the panel in front of him. He could almost even imagine her hand moving towards him but he was too disoriented at that moment to think straight.

He could feel his breath becoming more and more worked as he listened to the robotic voice recounted basic details about his best friend, his brother when he knew much more than all that. He knew everything about Bucky and hearing this impersonal voice recounted these facts were enough to remind him that he had not been able to save him. He should never have come out of the ice. He too should have died in battle as his friend.

Sudden contact with his forearm forced him to take his transfixed eyes off the picture of his best friend. He was not long in meeting Danae's strangely dark brown eyes before shifting his attention to her hands holding him. She applied gentle pressure to pull him away from the show on the Howling Commandos before making a straight line to the exit. He let himself be pulled without a word.  
Honestly, he did not have the strength to do any fighting.

He sincerely thought that he had acclimated himself to the world. Certainly, he was missing some reference but he was good. He had never felt anything like right now. It was as if he was asthmatic again, his lungs refused to work on their own as Danae guided him through the parking lot.

It was only when they reached Kate's car that she let go of him and Steve collapsed against the driver's door as he grabbed his chest in a fit. He was trying to find his breath, but it was as if his lungs were closing on their own.

"Steve?" Danae called at once visibly concerned by his condition. "C'mon, old man, answer."

He could vaguely see her face in front of him but his vision was suddenly blurred. He was losing more and more strength as he slid slowly against the car until he was sitting on the ground. I could not do anything except watch the big specimen of a man crumble in front of me. He seemed to have trouble breathing and barely aware of my presence.

I realized now that bringing him to this exhibition was probably not the best idea of the century.

I was trying to remember Sam's advice at these veteran meetings but just cursed instead as I realized I was completely helpless. Ben was the one who managed with my little attack of panic. It was never the other way around and I could not really use Ben's methods with Steve.

_Obviously, kissing him was a big no, no._

_This could only leave one solution._

I glanced around in a panic before turning my attention back to Steve. "Steve? Steve, hey, listen to me, just breathe."

I knelt to be at his height before trying to straighten him as best as I could with his imposing stature. I was honestly happy to have had a workout before that because otherwise I would never have been able to carry his little ass in the back seat. I installed him as best as I could with a deeply concerned expression as he waved his eyes in panic. Clearly, he did not understand what was happening to him. I was not even sure that the panic attacks had been diagnosed in his time.

Finally, I hastened to close the door behind him before going around the hood to enter the other side. I quickly removed my leather jacket and my T-shirt leaving me in a simple Calvin Klein bra before throwing me on the big blond. I lifted his T-shirt to put my hand on his chest where his heart was before taking one of Steve's hands to place it over my heart.

Ben had always told me that skin-to-skin contact and the soothing harmony of a heartbeat could take anyone from a dark place.

I sincerely hoped that it would work out as I gave a slight pressure on his wrist while gently rubbing the tips of my fingers against his breastplate."Steve? Steve, you must listen to me. Feel my heartbeat. Concentrate on my heart."

As Steve could feel a gentle, soothing beat under his fingers, he was quick to recover his vision. He would probably jump at the sight of Danae in a simple bra but he was still too worked to even pay attention.

Instead, he leaned his hand against her chest just above her left breast as he closed his eyes to catch his breath. He could feel and hear his own heart slowing down in his ears.

Suddenly, he was very conscious of the warm, soft hand under his shirt, letting his eyes open just to quickly remove his hand from Danae's chest. The latter did the same with her hand leaving him strangely missed the heat and comfort she gave him.

Nevertheless, he looked away with a faint red hue as she dressed silently. He felt honestly embarrassed for the way he had reacted. It was the first time he had reacted that way and he still did not really understand what had happened to him. He sincerely thought he was fine. He had not had an asthma attack since the serum and it still seemed completely surreal for him since he was supposed to be cured of any disease.

Suddenly, Danae let out a deep sigh as she dropped back against the back seat. He timidly turned his head away from his cap as he gave a look at her profile in hesitation. He looked apprehensively as she opened the closure of her little bag before taking out a packet of cigarettes.

A small look of judgment crossed his face as she lowered the rear window with the handle before bringing a small white stick between her lips. He almost seemed to be enjoying the lighter flame dance as she lit her cigarette. However, he was not slow to freeze as she released a puff outside before glancing sideways at him.

He swallowed to share between embarrassment and guilt. "I'm sor-"

"You don't have to apologize." She interrupted quickly, forcing him to look shyly at her in surprise as she spoke with the stick between her lips. "I'm not even sure you really know what happened to you."

Steve frowned quickly with a slight frustrated feeling towards himself. "And you know ?"

"Yeah. It's called a panic attack these days." She answered without a shadow of a doubt before putting her expression on the window as she wrinkled her lips hesitantly this time."It's usually triggered by a traumatic event. Most soldiers returning from the war suffer. A surprise attack, the atrocities of war, men lost in battle ..."

She leaned her head in his direction at the end of her explanation, letting him look away again as he realized her point.

He swallowed again as a new silence settled between them. He could vaguely feel the smell of tobacco sneak between them and hear the slight burning of the paper. He moistened his lips with a slight frown on his forehead at the thought of what she had just said. She almost seemed to speak from personal experience.

It reminded him of what he had learned in Fury's office."You were also a soldier."

"A commander in the navy. I saw more than enough to annihilate a man. And yet, it was Ben's death that eventually destroyed me."Danae nodded to the bench before releasing the smoke between her lips to the open window." Probably because I lost everything with him."

He could hear and feel guilt so like his as he looked at Danae. He remembered her words perfectly when she told him about her miscarriage.

He could not help but frown in the objection. "It wasn't your fault."

"Just as it wasn't yours for what happened to Bucky." Danae immediately told Steve to object.

"I-"

Danae immediately gave a nod, once her point had been proved. "Nevertheless, we are too damn stubborn to accept the truth."

In fact, Steve found himself copying her position as he dropped back against the backseat. He leaned his head against the headrest and took a moment of silence to regain control of his mind. It was almost not so disturbing to talk about this topic especially with Danae. Especially when she could be understanding his story. Again, he was forced to find that they were much more similar than he thought.

It was almost too coincidental for him. Nevertheless, he could not imagine the Shield looking for someone as damaged by life as he was to trap him. It seemed too much, even for the Shield.

Danae suddenly finished her cigarette throwing it out the window before forcing him into motion as she got off the car to rejoin the driver's side. He tried to do the same before attaching himself as she made contact.

* * *

The drive to their apartment complex was spent silently as Steve found himself enjoying the September breeze on his face and the music specially selected for him from Danae's cell phone. He was quick to realize that she had chosen old soul and jazz songs.

Finally, I stopped on the threshold of my door before giving an indulgent look at Steve as he walked to his own door with his shoulders down.

"You know, maybe I should start investing in better underwear if I'm going to finish half-naked at each meeting."

I literally had to stop giggling as the tall blond stopped in his steps before suddenly turning on his heels in an embarrassing coughing fit.

However, he was not slow to leave a genuine grateful smile on his lips as he took in my own smiling face.

He raised an almost defiant eyebrow before giving me a teasing smile. "You're the only one who ends up undressing you."

I left a shocked gasp at his teasing since I was usually the only one to have fun at his expense before narrowing my eyes slightly to him."I definitely preferred the little guy."

"You aware that I'm that little guy?" He replied with a light, amused frown.

"Nah, now you're that mountain of muscles." I said, pointing at him sarcastically. " No interest. Not attractive. At all. Huh, huh. Absolutely not attractive."

Steve let out a laugh before composing his expression in a grateful little smile." Thank you."

"What for?" I asked with an arched eyebrow before giving him another mischievous look."Because I don't drool over you like most of the female population? You're welcome."

Steve redoubled his amusement again before shaking his head as he reached for his door.

He seemed about to open it before turning back to me in uncertainty, "Do you want to come in? We could order something to eat. I mean if you want."

"I vote for pizza." I did not give him time to recover from his surprise as I entered his apartment before stopping to look at him impatiently over my shoulder. "Are you planning to stay there? Without moving ?"

Steve shook his head at my rudeness again before entering his apartment, reminding me that it was technically his and I could not boss him around his apartment.

I was content to remind him who held the supreme authority in this friendship. Super soldier or not.


	10. A guy and a girl can be just friends

_A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other... Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever. Dave Matthews Band_

* * *

The next few days were both surprising and probably the most relaxing I had for a long time. Although Steve had the gift of making me feel emotions that I could do without, he also came to understand me as anyone else. In other words, I was not as calm as during the last days. Even the nightmares that seemed to have taken a turn for the worse did not seem so horrible anymore with my days filled with the ex-soldier.

"You should have seen the other day, Davis had to get the bed in the nursery and all he was doing was holding the plan like an idiot. Who can't read a plan these days?"

"Well for his defense, Ikea's plans aren't the most explicit." I reminded, shrugging my shoulders before I remembered with a slight grimace of the grocery bag weighing on my arms.

I should have planned bigger when Robbie asked me if she could accompany me to the mall. Obviously, a simple go for domestic shopping was transformed into a real journey to get the latest fashionable items for baby. I could not believe she had managed to drag me to all those stores. And worst of all, I now had to serve as a mule to carry all those purchases.

I let out a sigh as I readjusted the weight of the bags in my arms before feeling the threatening look of the brunette beside me.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise as she narrowed her eyes closer to me. "Which side are you on?"

"Yours, of course."

"Credible." She snorted with sarcasm before leaving an exhausted grunt at the sight of the stairs leading to my apartment. "You couldn't find an apartment with an elevator."

Robbie was not as exasperating as normal, but I assumed that pregnancy really took a turn on her mood.

_Goodbye sweet little Robbie and hello tyrant Rob !_

I shook my head giving her an incredulous look at her complaints when I was the only one to carry the bags before watching her back taking the steps with difficulty.

"You know, you could have stayed quietly at home. It was your day off after all." I recollected with a slight insinuation in my tone while being careful where I was walking.

I did not really have the best visibility at the moment since I was unable to see my feet and watching Robbie's ascent was not helping the situation.

The brunette stopped at the first stage to catch her breath while laying her hands on her growing bump. "You said you were going to buy some onesies with teddy bears. Teddy bears, Dee."

"So? It's cute."

"It's so plain." She commented with a roll of her eyes as I ended up joining her, letting my eyes roll in my turn."It's my baby. And my baby needs onesies with cute quotes like 'nobody puts baby in a corner' or 'my mom is a cool mom'."

If I did not have my arms already occupied, I would probably have hit my palm flat against my forehead.

_That was all I hated._

"So basically you want a lie or turn your baby into Patrick Swayze. Good to know. "

I took the lead as I began to climb the other set of stairs under Robbie's scathing eyes.

The latter left a bored breath to my comment before using the ramp as she spoke. "Anyway, what's up with you? You accept that I accompany you unconditionally, you didn't flee once to burn your lungs with a cigarette, you had a relooking to look more like your before you and you answer with answers clear and honest. "

"And I can't do that without there being a reason?" I rhetorically replied.

"No." Robbie agreed without hesitation making me roll my eyes. "So ... tell me. What could initiate such a change?"

I gave him a look over my shoulder as a warning. "There's nothing to understand. Save yourself hours of thinking."

"Boring." She whispered as I stopped again on the second floor to face her with an arched eyebrow at her answer. "I mean, when are you going to have something scandalous to tell me? I'm bored."

I clenched my jaw this time clearly annoyed by her insensitivity before reminding me that it was good war. I had never really been very sensitive to begin with.

I tried to control my temper before shrugging my shoulders. "Well, I expect to visit Sam in the next few days."

Even since the incident with Steve at the museum, I had decided to pay a visit to Sam. He was best placed to handle a panic attack and all the problems associated with the war. Admittedly, this seemed to be Steve's first and I thought I was doing pretty well, but if I could find a way to handle the situation without having to undress me was even better.

"Sam ? Like this delicious piece of cake chocolate Sam?" Repeated Robbie with a salacious smile already on her lips at the mere thought.

I immediately gave her a disillusioned look before shaking my head briskly to try to erase this image from my head. "First, ew. It was typically how a white woman on the Upper East Side would have called Sam. It's racist and reductive."

"I am Afro-American."

"One more reason." I insisted with a sharp look before giving a breath of relief at the sight of my stage.

I was finishing up the last steps grimacing as I could definitely feel the numbness in my upper limbs now. I looked impatiently over my shoulder to make sure that Robbie followed before slowing down once we were in the hallway.

The brunette hastened to join my side with a slight frown. "Scratch what I said, you're still that same boring little bitch."

"Glad to hear it." I said with a small smile before returning my eyes forward to the agreement of a door closure.

I could already feel a grunt at the back of my throat as Steve just decided that moment to make his entrance.

The tall blond turned on his heels before hurrying to join us at the sight of my current state."Hey, Dan. Let me help you. "

"Thank you."

I passed the bags unconditionally since I had learned that chivalry was anchored in his DNA. Not to mention that I was probably about to lose my arms. Obviously, Steve put me to shame as he lifted the bags as if nothing had happened.

However, my frustration soon turned into irritation as Robbie suddenly stammered into surprise. It may be that I left aside the fact that I knew Steve out of the center or even that I had let the tall blond enter voluntarily into my life.

"It's ... you ... what's going on here?"

Robbie immediately turned to me as Steve let me sigh before explaining the situation. "Steve, Robbie. Robbie, it's Steve my neighbor."

"Neighbor ?" Robbie whispered with wide eyes before giving her usual smile to the family members of the center. "Hi."

I could not hold back the slight hiss of laughter at the scene as Steve nodded with a small smile as a sign of recognition. "Nurse Myers."

"Oh, call me Robbie. Obviously, Danae and you are friends. "

I immediately pinched my lips to her allusion before going over the big blond to open the door of the apartment. I immediately went back to Robbie since she was currently devouring with her eyes the uncomfortable blond.

I shook my head at the mere sight before ignoring Robbie's murmuring protests as I pushed her into the apartment. "Okay, one second."

I hastened to take the bags of Steve's arms with a small smile amused on my lips despite everything. Steve gave me a quick look in response to my obvious amusement.

"Here, do you think you can wear them?" I asked Robbie as I signed the bags in my arms.

"Why ?" She asked at once visibly confused before putting her wide eyes back on Steve."Oh. Oh ! Yeah, yeah, give them to me."

I rolled my eyes in anticipation as she took the bags before looking at her as she gave all but discrete glances on the blond still hovering in the hallway. I shook my head as I closed my door with a simple gesture leaving Robbie on the other side before slowly turning on my heels to face Steve.

The latter had a slight, confused smile. "Was it really nurse Myers?"

"One piece of advice : never trust the smiling face of a nurse." I warp, crossing my arms over my chest. "They're evil."

Steve let out a laugh, shaking his head before putting his hand on his hip to look at me under his cap with a cheerful little smile. "I'll try to remember it. But I'm not sure you're following your own advice."

"That's exactly it. I have experience." I remember with a firm nod before laughing at the same time as the blond.

I gave him a closer look as I noticed his running clothes consisting of sweatpants, a hooded jacket over a gray t-shirt and a pair of running shoes. Even in such a sketchy attire, he remained divinely attractive.

_Honestly, it was terribly unfair._

"Danae, it was you that I hear laugh like a school girl?"

I let out a grunt as I pinched the bridge of my nose at Robbie's familiar voice behind the door before looking at Steve through my fingers at the agreement of his laughter. "Don't encourage her."

"I didn't do anything." The blond defended, raising his hands in surrender.

"Good." I admitted visibly suspicious before heading to the door while giving him a look over my shoulder. "Don't wrinkle a muscle."

I could already imagine the blond rolling his eyes to my comment before he called me again."Hey, Dan ..."

I was still a little disturbed by the fact that he wanted to call me by that particular nickname but I assumed that if anyone could use it, it was him. After all, he was the one who knew the most about me now.

"Mhm?"

"You're free tonight ?" He asked almost confidently.

I had to admit that he was beginning to lose more and more of this hesitation with me. He was not a real sleaze yet, but it was always comforting to know he was confident enough to come up with this kind of thing.

With a smile, I nodded with my hand on the handle. "What do you say about a cooked meal? I went shopping. I could cook at your place."

"You know how to cook ?" He wondered with a slight reserve, making my eyes narrow with slight offense. The blonde widened his eyes immediately. "Not that I question your abilities."

I immediately raised my finger to point it in his direction before raising my chin proudly. "I want an apology when you have tasted my famous Bolognese pasta."

Steve let a slight smile seep again on his faces making him more attractive if possible. The fact that he is not have a girlfriend was beyond me. Still, I could easily understand his reluctance. It was never easy to let the past go.

"I would be the only judge of that." He teased back, letting me smile as I watched his receding back.

I shook my head with that lingering smile on my lips before opening the door just to widen my eyes as I caught up with Robbie.

Surprise soon gave way to boredom as I helped her to straighten up before going around her."Seriously, Robbie? "

"Oh, no, no! You don't have the right to reprimand me." Robbie objected as she slammed the door making me wince. "It was Captain freaking America."

I rolled my eyes with slight annoyance as I walked around the kitchen counter to serve me a glass of water."He has a name you know."

"You're the neighbor of Captain America."

I turned on my heels taking a sip of my glass with my eyebrows raised at the sight of her starstruck expression.

I ended up putting my drink on the counter before retrieving the bags on the floor to store their contents. "You see him regularly in the center. There is nothing to make a story of it."

"Uh hello? Does it really pass you over the head that this guy fought Aliens alongside the Hulk?"

I had to admit that this statement had the gift of disturbing me somewhat. Only after getting to know Steve, I thought I could not see him any other than that. He was just Steve for me.

"If you're that big fan, you can buy a onesie with his shield." I said sarcastically as I made my way back into the kitchen.

Only, Robbie did not take the joke at all as she nodded her head dreamily. "Oh my god, he would be so cute with a Captain America onesie. And he could take a picture with him."

I put the bags on the side of the sink before giving a completely disillusioned look at Robbie."It was a joke. "

"Not for me." She answered without a shadow of a doubt making me shake my head with a sigh as I tidied the package of pasta in the cupboard.

I could understand why he did not want to be recognized. It was a nightmare to hear Robbie talk about him like that. It just had the gift of creeping me up.

"Can you ... just don't talk about him like that?" I asked with a grimace of discomfort. "He remains a human being. An old human being but- "

"Old? The guy is like a sex stick on-"

I paused in my tidying process at her sudden break before giving Robbie a look at worry.

However, the brunette just seemed to gauge me with a look as wide as a deer caught in the headlights of a car.

"What?"

"You like him." She exclaimed, immediately making me giggle in disbelief.

I honestly could not believe it was her first deduction. _Did she even know me?_

"It's probably the most absurd thing I've heard." I asked without a shadow of a doubt as I walked through the kitchen to put away the rest of my shopping.

Only Robbie seemed far from finished. "Wait, that's why you suddenly changed?"

"Whoa, how evolutionary." I said this time with a hint of irritation in my tone as I gave her a sharp look over my shoulder."Just because I decided to live a little more, that doesn't automatically mean that I do it for a man."

"Fine. But you must admit that you laughed." The brunette insisted as she settled down on the bar stool before she began to pull out her shopping for her unborn baby.

I paused in my storage with my arms crossed and raised an eyebrow with platitude. "So?"

"Nothing." Robbie replied, just nonchalantly shrugging her shoulders before taking one of the onesies to bend it.

I immediately narrowed my eyes on the brunette in suspicion before shaking my head silently."Is this still one of your reverse psychology tactics?"

"It works ?" She exclaimed with a broad smile that made me smile anyway.

I gave a laugh to her antiques before taking my turn one of the onesies to help her.

* * *

I checked one last time for all the kitchen items for tonight. I was not sure that Steve had an apartment as supplied in terms of electronic gadgets as ours.

Of course, I did not know that the super-secret company he worked for had made sure he had a fully equipped kitchen. I was taking a quick walk to the fridge to get the minced meat and the fresh tomatoes before putting them in the paper bag that I had picked up earlier. I was doing a final mental checklist to make sure that I did not have to go back and forth between his apartment and mine before giving a simple satisfied nod.

If everything went as planned, I would not have to go on an unforeseen trip and explain to Kate why I was bringing back items from our apartment to the apartment next door. Robbie's reaction was enough for me today.

I narrowed my lips at the simple reminder before heading to my room to check one last time my reflection. I decided to opt for a simple and casual outfit. A simple short-sleeved black t-shirt tucked into the waist of my ripped knee-length jeans. My hair was up in a messy half-bun over my head while the rest of my curls cascaded down my shoulders.

Once satisfied with my appearance, I returned to the living room kitchen to retrieve my bag before heading to the hallway of the entrance to put on my pair of converse white. I juggled the bag with one arm as I tugged on the tongue on the back of my sneakers before trampling my feet into the ground to adjust to the shoe.

I made sure to lock our apartment before heading to the door next door.

I did not hesitate for a second to let me in with a mischievous smile as I made my way to his kitchen. "Honey, I'm home! And I cooked."

I put the bag on the small table now filled with manila folder before frowning slightly in curiosity. I took a discreet look at the opening onto the living room before leaning slightly as I tried to look inside the folder.

I was almost at it when Steve's familiar voice made me jump slightly, "What are you doing?"

"Oh god!" I blinked visibly surprised before giving him a bored look. "Can you at least announce yourself when you enter a room?"

"In my own kitchen? "

I rolled my eyes as I walked away from the small table and its interesting contents before picking food to start cooking."You know it's something of the twentieth century. You have to announce yourself in your own kitchen."

I did not need to look at him to know that he gave me that famous flat look that let me shrug my shoulders before turning to his cupboard in uncertainty. I decided on the first over the sink before creasing my lips at the sight of the glasses.

"If you're looking for pots and pans, it's in the drawer below." Steve explained at once with a small smirk, letting my fingers snap in his direction.

"Got it." I hurriedly took out the utensils I needed before giving a curious look at the blond."So, these files ... what is it?"

Steve seemed to stiffen somewhat as he glanced over the files before clearing his throat as he turned his blue baby eyes back to my shape. I could easily see his hesitation as he wrinkled his lips as if he weighed the pros and cons of telling me the truth.

Knowing a little better the tall blond, I knew that trust was not really something that came easily. This was another point we shared.

So I decided to give him time as I took out a chopping board from one of the drawers before moving the tomatoes under water waiting.

"It's just files that I have to study for a mission." He finally said, letting me shake my head.

Nevertheless, a small smirk adorned my lips as I realized he had not lied to me.

A fact that Steve was not slow to notice with slight confusion. "Why the smile? Is there something funny?"

"No, no, not at all." I assured with that lingering smile before giving him a look while continuing to cut the tomatoes. "It's just that you told me the truth. That's all."

Steve frowned at my answer before looking at me more closely."How do you know I didn't lie? "

"Captain America? Lying ? Nah, impossible."

Steve let out a breath of laughter before straightening himself to pull the button off his sleeves from his plaid shirt and back on his venous forearms."Anyway, let me help you."

I literally had to force myself not to look like I was stunned again at the sight of his divinely carved stature. It was unfair really.

However, I was quick to record what he had just suggested leaving me immediately lift the sharp knife in his direction as a warning. "You don't approach this kitchen, it's clear? From now on, it's my territory. Stay in yours."

"You always been so authoritarian?" Steve gave me a shrug as I walked around to get more ingredients from the bag on his little table.

I went back to the counter before giving him a sarcastic look. "If you were on twitter you would know it already."

"Twitter?"

"Right. It's a social network. You can post a bit of everything. Your desires, your thoughts and the adorable little gif ..."I was not long in noticing his lost gaze, letting me put the knife to shake my hand in the resignation."You know what ? It's not important. "

I looked up from my cooking to watch his reaction just to see him hold a smile at my expense. I narrowed my eyes on his little weasel's head as he ended up giggling, making me mimic a grimace in response. I murmured under my breath as I turned to light his gas stove before taking the pan filled with chopped tomatoes and spices. I then went to his fridge where I had previously stored the meat just to make a little break at the sight of beers in the lower tray.

A small smile adorned my lips as I took two bottles before straightening to shake them to the blond.

The latter frowned slightly with an uncertain little smile. "Are you sure it's wise after the last time?"

"Please, last time I swallowed one of the strongest bottles of vodka in Alfie's bar." I said as I closed the fridge door with my hip before putting one of the beers in front of Steve. "I know hold my liquor."

I uncapped both bottles before taking a sip simply to pause at the sight of the hesitant look of the blond.

I raised a simple eyebrow by way of question raising the blonde to leave an uncertain breath."You shouldn't drink like that. "

"Why? Because I'm a lady?" I was slightly bothered by his judgment.

Steve immediately rolled his eyes to my tone before putting down his beer. "I never said that a woman couldn't drink."

"But it's not politically correct, right?" I retorted with a sharp look before making a show to take another sip. "Well, flash info, grandpa, the women of now are free and independent."

"It's not ... arf..." Steve immediately defended visibly embarrassed before finishing in defeat.

I gauged him with a small smile visibly amused by his embarrassment before resuming the preparation of dinner. I could hear Steve moving behind me as I stirred the tomatoes before settling on a record playing in the living room. I immediately glanced at the agreement of the approach of the blond simply to see him take a long sip of his beer. Obviously, he was somewhat nervous.

I shook my head as I resumed my occupation.

The rest of the preparation was spent in silence. Steve was content to go through these famous mystery files again while I finished the task of preparing dinner.

It was not uncomfortable.

To tell the truth, I was really enjoying this moment.

The record he had chosen was a bit more up-to-date and I could easily be rocked by jazz music. It was nice to be honest. Much nicer than any of my nights in the last three years.

I was so distracted by my thoughts that I did not even notice that at one point Steve had exchanged these famous files for the famous notebook I had searched the other time.

It was only when I turned on my heels with the intention of asking him to set the table that I noticed he was drawing. Noting that he also seemed too deep in his concentration to notice my presence, I walked towards him to get a better view of his drawing.

Only a slight smile surprised my lips as I realized he was drawing me. And god, he was really good. I tried not to think too much in his drawing since it was me, but I could not really hide the fact that I was strangely flattering that he had judged me worthy to represent.

However, I could not really admit such a thing without seeming somewhat ambiguous. After all, it was enough for me to be friendly with the guy so Robbie thought I liked him. Not to mention that I was not interested in this way with Steve. Admittedly, I was the first to say how attractive he was and I could already see that he was probably the type of any girl on this planet. He did not really have any defect other than his obstinacy but I was the same in a sense so I could not really judge him.

Anyway, even though our moments were helping my frozen heart to warm up, I was simply unable to give a new place to anyone else.  
Ben was and probably will remain my one and only love. This simple thought made me sit slowly in front of the blond as I watched him with a sad little smile along my lips. I let my eyes trace the curvature of his fingers to his venous forearms before moving to his biceps threatening to tear his shirt dated. He was definitely something else.

I had never really noticed before but he had a style definitely out of time. He used to wear a simple T-shirt with jeans but it was quite rare.

That was enough to remind me of the conversation I had with Robbie earlier. Or rather, the realization that came to my mind during this conversation. Until now, I had never really paid attention to the other guy. The nationalist symbol that everyone seemed to idolize.

Only, the fact was that he was much more than Steve Rogers. He was a timeless being who had undergone an experience that made him out of the ordinary. His muscles were not the result of intensive sessions at the gym but a serum originally created to defeat the Germans.

The thought was enough to make me swallow in the realization. This man in front of me had lived more than anyone. He was definitely a big threat and I had fun at his expense, hit him and even threaten him many times.

Now, I was sure the beer was not enough to make me nervous, but I was sure I felt like that right now.

However, I did not have time to think anymore as Steve suddenly frowned before sniffing the air, perplexed. "Do you smell that scorched smell?"

"Oh shit!" I exclaimed as I bounced off my chair before rushing to the stove to turn off the pan.

I left a groan irritated at the sight of the burnt tomatoes before immediately casting a murderous glance at the tall blond with the agreement of his laughter. Steve immediately brought his hand to his lips to try to hide his amusement but I could still see that little sparkle in his azure eyes. I rolled my eyes in sight before quickly turning my eyes away as I could feel a slight smile threatening to bend my lips anyway.

With a sigh, I grabbed the mittens attached to the oven rail before putting them on to put the pan on the counter.

"So ? Verdict?"

"It's burned." I said with a disappointed grimace.

This brought a hilarious sniff of the blonde making me look at him bored. "And I was happy to taste your famous pasta Bolognese."

"It's not over, okay." I insisted as I pointed at him with conviction.

Suddenly, I found myself reviving a small flame of competition. He literally came to tickle my ego and I just could not let it pass. I immediately rushed to his fridge where I had previously seen a pot of industrial tomato sauce before returning to pasta cooked to perfection.

I gave a narrowed look at the blond as I could see him watching me with a curious little smile."What are you going to do ?"

"Alma always told me that nothing was ever really lost." I answered without really thinking as I poured the sauce into the pan containing the lightly burnt tomatoes.

"Alma?"

"Ben's mother." I replied visibly distracted again before taking a break from the realization. I looked up to meet the blond's sympathetic look. "She ... she's the one I come to see in the center. She has Alzheimer's."

Steve nodded as he turned his beer on the spot before frowning slightly. "They suffer from the same disease."

"They?" I repeated with slight surprise.

Steve immediately raised his slightly moist eyes before nodding his head with a sigh. "The friend I'm going to see. She ... Peggy. She suffers from the same disease."

It was not hard to see that Peggy had a special importance for him. In addition to being probably one of the last people of his time still alive, she seemed to have an important place for him. It was almost written on his face. In addition to sadness, nostalgia and this famous guilt.

"But she remembers you." I tried with an encouraging smile in my tone.

"Yeah." Steve whispered with a faint smile.

I silently nodded in anticipation of letting him manage his emotions before pausing as he went on.

"She was the first woman to see beyond that scrawny little guy." He confessed with a nostalgic little smile before shaking his head with a laugh as he looked up at me. "I was so nervous the first time we ended up together. I was unable to form a sentence without stuttering."

I found myself smiling with him as I could see how much he cared about her. Clearly, he loved this woman. It was as clear as the day.

Unfortunately, he had lost her.

To tell the truth, Steve seemed to have lost everything once in the ice.

"I promised her a dance." He breathed with a deep, frowning, visibly angry frown. "I have never been able to keep that promise."

Probably the thing to do right now is to initiate a contact. I knew it was what most people would do in this kind of situation but I was not sure I could handle it. Clearly his situation was strangely echoing mine and I was not really fit for that kind of thing. I had become totally amorphous in terms of empathy and I did not know what would stop me from talking about Ben in my turn. So with a deep, trembling breath, I took a sip of my beer alerting the big blond as he frowned more at the sight. I hastened to avoid his look as I swallowed the rest of my beer in one go before resting it by swallowing.

I took a moment to catch my breath before giving a look as if nothing had happened on the blond."Where are you putting your plates?"

"Uh ... the cupboard up." He answered softly visibly still confused as to my reaction.

I hurried to give him my back as I could feel the tears flowing behind my eyes before I tried to focus on the task at hand. I totally ignored the blond's attention as I was doing two round trips to set the table.

Finally, Steve moved himself on the small table, letting me bring the dish of dough and the bottle of wine I had chosen earlier. Steve raised an eyebrow at the sight of the bottle but did not comment on my choice. Instead, he just took the bottle to serve me before filling his own glass halfway.

"So, here are my famous pasta Bolognese. I advise you to add parmesan. It's even better with." I explained as I gave him his plate filled before signing the small packet of cheese on the side."Enjoy your meal."

I had to admit that I was a little nervous as I took a sip of my glass of wine while watching Steve take a fork from my plate. He gave me one last falsely suspicious look as he brought the fork to his lips before chewing silently.

There was a moment of silence between us as he took in the exploding flavors in his mouth before swallowing with a real smile of contentment. "Whoa it's ... delicious, Dan."

"Told ya." I boasted with a real smile before digging my turn in my dish.

After that, Steve and I ate again in a relatively comfortable silence. It was only when our two plates were empty and Steve served the last two glasses of wine from the bottle that he decided to step on a rocky territory.

"How did you meet Ben?" He asked shyly.

I raised my eyes to the edge of my glass before resting it immediately while swallowing. I wrinkled my lips as I took a moment to catch my breath before absently banging my fingernail against the wall of my glass.

"We were in the same unit. He was one of my men. A real hothead." I let out a laugh in memory before rolling my eyes. "I know he was trouble right away. But I still fell in love with him. He gave me everything I ever dreamed of. A sublime wedding in the forest-"

I could see Steve raise an eyebrow visibly fascinated by my confessions making me roll my eyes.

"Believe it or not, I can love romantic things."

Steve immediately raised his hands in surrender before crossing his forearms on top of the table. "He seemed to be a good person."

"Peggy too." I admitted getting a look from the blond before letting me fall heavily against the folder in the dung."And now look at us. We had everything to be happy. Now we have nothing left."

Strangely, Steve found himself frowning as he nodded between us. "It's not necessarily true. I may have lost everything before but I think I improved. After all, I just shared a nice dinner with you."

"Charmer." I replied as I leaned over to get my laugh back while Steve let out a laugh.

I shook my head at the sight before leaving a small smile of my own as I took a sip of wine.

Steve leaned back against the back of his chair before giving me a look of contentment. "I'm serious. Thank you, Dan."

"And you start again." I exclaimed in boredom. "Rule number 1 Rogers, never thank a woman because she gives you a good time. Be more confident."

"Oh, you're giving me advice now?"

"Duh!" I replied with an obvious grimace. "You can't stay eternally single. Seriously, it would be a mess."

Steve immediately rolled his eyes in response before crossing his broad arms on his chest. I could not help but feel pity for this poor shirt.

_Seriously, the buttons seemed to scream for freedom!_

"I'm too busy for that."

I gave him a hardly credulous look before crossing my arms in my turn on my chest."But you have time to entertain my little mean ass."

"It's different. You're my friend." Steve objected as if it were so simple.

I wrinkled my lips in a bored pout before leaning my head to one side with a smirk. "You know that if we keep spending so much time together and you keep calling us friends, people will think we are friends with benefits."

"Friends with what?"

I let out a laugh at his obviously adorable confusion about the subject before shaking my head as I stood up to retrieve the dishes."Forget it. Another reference that you can live without."

"No, I want to know." Steve insisted as he stood up to take the dishes from me. "And you cooked. I'm doing the dishes."

I let him take the dishes from me before leaning against his counter as he walked to the sink."Are you sure you can cash it? It's something like PG-18."

Steve gave me an impatient glance at my teasing, letting me shrug my shoulders as an answer.

"You asked for it." I conceded as I smirked at his casual back."Friends with benefits is when two friends decide to explore the fleshly side of their relationship."

My smile already present widen further as I could see his shoulders stiffen in the realization. I did not even need to look at him to know that a slight pinkish tint had settled down his cheeks. I shook my head on the blond still too innocent for my sense of humor before finishing to rid the rest of the small table.

I put the dishes next to the drip tray before leaning against the islet to observe Steve with a small smile. His eyebrows were deep in thought, leaving me wondering about the contents. I had to admit that I had come to truly appreciate his thought process and it was always distracting to not know what a person was thinking in our presence.

Finally, Steve looked up in my direction with determination. "I'll go on a date when you're ready to go too."

I immediately let a scoff before giving him a disillusioned look. "In other words, never."

I rolled my eyes at the mere thought before pushing myself from the islet to get my glass of wine. I definitely could not have this conversation by being sober.

"Why should we only talk about my love life?" Steve challenged again as he turned off the water before turning on the cloth to wipe his drenched hands."You're also single."

I snorted in my glass, nearly missing my mouthful at the question before giving him a flat look in response. "Not for more than seventy years."

"I wasn't even conscious." He reminded with a slight hint of boredom at my persistence.

I shook my head with a sigh before hitting his bicep with envy."Science can work miracles. But I still prefer little Steve. Maybe I would have agreed to be friends with benefits with him."

"Dan ..."

"What? I'm serious." I insisted as I leaned over his counter to support his bored look. "Fine, I will not talk to you about a girl anymore. Even if you could pull any girl in the area."

Steve rolled his eyes with attitude as he copied my position with his arms crossed over his chest. "It's not even the same rules anymore. How could I know how to go out with a woman?"

"Oh, come on, man. It's natural."I replied, rolling my eyes as I took another sip of my wine before pointing in his direction. "Okay, tell me your idea of a perfect date. What would you do ? Better, what would Steve's pre-serum do?"

Clearly, I was getting a little drunk. The relaxed way I was acting was a clear indicator and the slightly amused smile on Steve's lips was also a clear indicator of his knowledge.

Nevertheless, he just shrugged his shoulders with a deep frown in the reflection. "I don't know ... we used to go to dance. So, a good dinner and a dance, I guess."

"Mm ... it's not bad. I'm sure a lot of girls would be lulled by the concept."

Steve raised a curious eyebrow at the fact that she had not voluntarily included her."But not you?"

"Ew, I don't know how to dance." I winced at the thought. "I have always been more of an outdoor-type of girls."

"Outdoor type of girl?"

"Well, Ben had taken me to see the stars in the Iraq desert for our first date. He had prepared peanut butter sandwich and jam."

A nostalgic smile appeared on my lips at the mere memory before I noticed the silence between us. I looked up at Steve just to see him watching me with a small smile of his own.

I raised an eyebrow in question, letting the blond clear his throat with slight embarrassment."Mm ... it seems romantic. "

"Yeah, he was the romantic between us." I agreed with a laugh before finally finishing the rest of my drink.

I pushed myself out of the counter and put it down in the sink, careful to get around Steve before I stepped back and hit my hands together. "Well, I should probably go home. "

"Yeah, you should." Steve agreed, pushing himself from the counter. "I'm going to escort you."

"Not that it's really necessary." I teased with mischief as I headed for the entrance.

"Still." Steve insisted as I opened his door before making my way down the hall.

I turned on my heels to face him. " I will call you. You know about this little thing. Just slide your finger over it and-"

"Good night, Dan." Steve interrupted me making me laugh at his bored expression.

I shook my head as I walked towards my door before finally entering the safety of my apartment with a smile always present on my lips.

One thing was certain, Steve was now an important part of my life.


	11. Don't talk, just act

_Don't talk, just act. Don't say, just show. Don't promise, just prove. Unknow_

* * *

A long sigh ran through my lips as I nonchalantly threw the file on my desk. I dropped back against the back of my chair with my hands on my forehead to stretch. I looked up at the ceiling and then down my hands down my face in exhaustion. Even though Steve had managed to bring some sort of peace into my life, I was still tormented by these horrible nightmares. And that added to a particularly complicated case of disappearance, it gave particularly stressful days.

I let my hands fall on my thighs before I freeze at the knocks against my door. I was going to give access when the person allowed himself the entrance.

I frowned immediately at the sight of the male hand waving a bag of donuts in the crack."Eat me! Eat me ! Eat me, pretty please…"

"Khallahan."I acknowledged with a sigh as the brown opened the door further to enter with a confident smile. "I thought I told you to make an appointment."

"Maybe it's not related to a case. Maybe I just wanted to come sees my favorite private detective." The brown snapped as he dropped into the seat in front of my desk nonchalantly."Maybe I wanted to make sure you weren't dead."

I rolled my eyes at his act of drama queen before crossing my arms over my chest as I eyed his pastry offered with suspicion. "If it's not binding, then I can tell you to get out, you know."

"Well ... always so nice." Jay commented, narrowing his lips before adjusting to his seat."Okay, so it's about a new case that my boss gives me."

I raised an eyebrow crossing my arms on my chest clearly already tired. "Still not ready to give you stickers."

"Funny." Jay snorted with slight annoyance before stepping into his seat as he crossed his hands, resting his elbows on his thighs."Listen, I need an experienced sniper."

"Do I have to do all the work for you?" I replied immediately with annoyance now."Seriously, are you aware that cops and Private Invetigator are supposed to hate each other, right? Don't work hand in hand."

"I know, okay? I know. But after Blake ... "Jay narrowed his lips visibly upset by the subject before giving me a look of steel blue. "I need someone I trust."

"Well, I'm sure all the cops in DC aren't all corrupt. There must be an excellent Sniper in the ranks." I remember before taking a sarcastic expression."Although we're talking about the DC police so ..."

Khallahan rolled his eyes visibly frustrated at my intervention before letting himself fall back into his seat pinching the bridge of his nose. I remained silent as I took in his appearance before shaking my head at his pitiful look. He was probably as buried under a pile of work as I was. It was obvious that he did not really have a very busy social life.

Now that I thought about it, I did not even know if he had a girlfriend or a boyfriend. In fact, I did not know anything about him that was not part of the job.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

Khallahan immediately raised his head visibly as surprised as I was by my slip before displaying again that arrogant smile. "Why ? You offer?"

"Simple curiosity. Totally inappropriate. Forget that I even said anything." I was quick to correct with a slight sense of embarrassment before I take a deep inspiration as I gave him an open smile. "So ... this new mission…"

Jay let out a laugh as he rubbed his index finger under his nose before raising his eyebrows with mischief. "You're not bad when you're embarrassed."

"Still not interested." I replied immediately before leaning over to take a donut in the hope of taking care of my hands.

Jay rolled his eyes with a small smile still present as he resumed seriously. "It's about a witness protection. I'm still not sure what I'm going to ship but it looks big. Huge even."

"Are you trying to sell me a blockbuster?" I asked in impatience, immediately receiving a bored look from the brown. "Just spill it out, Khallahan."

"Fine." He whispered before suddenly changing his behavior completely.

_Goodbye nonchalant and relaxed behavior and hello paranoid and serious._

I was totally unable to do anything as he pointed his ear before pointing to where my recorder was usually located. I raised an eyebrow before I sighed as I pulled the drawer to extend the monitor. I then gave a frustrated look at the big brown simply to receive a dubious look of the latter. Easily understanding his distrust, I reopened my computer before turning off the recorder as well.

Once the task was done, I closed the lid of my pc hard to emphasize my irritation." Happy ?"

"Have you removed everything?" He asked seriously.

"If you're suspicious of me then you can get the hell out."

Jay immediately raised his hands as a sign of surrender. "Fine, fine. I just had to make sure they had no way to get to us."

"They?"

"Have you heard of the Shield?" Jay asked at once with slight suspicion in his tone.

Clearly, this mission seemed strangely secretive and obviously weighed on the big brown.

I frowned at once visibly confused. " The shield ?"

"More like Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement Logistics Division. It's a governmental organization." He explained in a mouthful, letting me raise my eyebrows, impressed."I know. They couldn't choose a shorter name."

I immediately frowned at the obvious frustration on his face before giving him a suspicious look. "Since when does the police interfere in government affairs?"

"Since one of our detainees said to get information proving the corruption of this agency."

"Have you become an expert in corruption now? "

Jay gave me a look clearly annoyed by my lack of seriousness before moistening his lips." You don't understand. The drug unit was working on this new drug traffic put into circulation. They've got this kind of super-smart guy. A little like the Dr. Frankenstein if you know what I mean. He was doing his experiments on the inhabitants of the slums. But when they asked who he worked for, he cracked one of his teeth to swallow a cyanide pill."

"Like the Germans?" I asked in recognition.

Jay nodded his head with a sharp glance to prove how huge it looked above the basic criminal investigation. "I managed to snatch him before he swallowed it. The guy became hysterical. Like… completely freaked out. He kept saying that they were going to send _him_ to eliminate him."

"Send who?"

"That's exactly the question I'm asking myself." Assured Khallahan with gravity. "We managed to take him to one of our hideouts. He still doesn't want to talk but he becomes less and less suspicious. I don't think he expected us to be able to hide him so long from his hump."

"So ... what do you expect from me?"

Jay narrowed his visibly hesitant lips before straightening up. "This is not a usual case. We can't miss this case. You don't even imagine the stressful days I've just experienced. The server has suffered several computer attacks. I constantly feel like being followed. Hell, I hesitated even to come here."

"Why?" I asked immediately in a bad feeling. "So why did you come here, Khallahan? When you knew the danger that it represented."

This case was clearly something else. Something much more dangerous than we had met until now. Maybe it was beyond us completely. I could already see the turning point that was taking on Jay and I was not sure if I wanted to get involved in this type of business.

Certainly infiltrating a ring of Russian human trafficking was one thing but as soon as it concerned the government it was a different story. I knew it first hand after all, I was in the military for enough years to know that it could certainly end with more than a scratch.

If we started to meddle with the stories of those at the top then we should face far greater repercussions than we do.

I could feel the guilt seep into the bearded face of the brown as he swallows, narrowing his lips. "I'm outdated, Danae. I don't have the training you had."

"Jay, I left the army for a good reason. If I left, it's not to throw me into the first case involving the government." I remembered firmly before pausing, pinching the bridge of my nose as I could his shoulders fall into defeat. "If you want me to help you-"

He straightened up quickly in a hurry before approaching the desk in haste. "I'll do anything you want. I'll even let you have full authority if it can make sure we succeed in the end."

"Sell your kidney while you're there?" I interrupted him sarcastically before leaning my elbows on my desk to support my head in my hands.

I ran my hands all over my face in fatigue and frustration. I already knew it was a bad idea. The Russians already was a total fiasco in the sort of foolish decision but again I seemed unable to back down in the face of danger. It was as if I was attracted by the rush of adrenaline. A completely different type of addiction.

It was therefore with full doubt and uncertainty to hide under a mask of determination that I raised my eyes to Khallahan. "For starters, we'll have to take him somewhere else. You have been too long in this hideout."

Khallahan immediately raised his head with a small smirk, letting me hold his gaze firmly.

"What are we waiting for to get to work? "

* * *

So, planning a high-risk witness extraction was not the easiest task.

I let a new sigh leave my lips as I looked at our table with my fingers on my lips. I tried to keep my worries to myself as I flew over the few things we had within our reach. And it was little.

"To sum it up, we have a witness-"

"Who doesn't want to tell us anything."

I bent my head with my lips narrowed in frustration. "And a government organization plausibly corrupted by what? Neonazis?"

"It would seem." Jay accepted with a grimace just as frustrated by the lack of information.

I let out another sigh by pinching the bridge of my nose before glancing at the brown over my shoulder. "And what are they? We must find out who they are if we want to have a chance."

"I don't think he was talking about several people. Well ... I think he's scared of the top people in the organization, but from what he's hinted, they're going to send one man to pursue him."

I raised an eyebrow at this new source of information before shaking my head as I returned to my desk. I took a sheet of white paper and a pen before writing 'Unknown Killer' at the bottom of the page. I drew a big question mark in the center before returning to our table to stick the sheet in the center of it.

I took a step back to analyze again the contents of our research clearly unaware of the slight vibration emitted by my phone against the top of my desk.

Conversely, Jay seemed to quickly become aware of it as he turned to me with a slight frown."I think we're trying to call you. "

I just snapped my fingers, waving it at me as I thought I was on something. I could vaguely hear the rustling of papers and some objects being pushed as he searched through the mess before finally feeling the new weight of my phone in my hand.

I did not even check the caller ID as I blindly slid my finger on the green phone icon before bringing it to my ear. " Private investigator. Dimarco. I listen."

"Well ... it's very professional, Dan. "

I stiffened myself instantly with a wide look in the realization before holding back a grimace as I pulled my phone from my ear to look at the caller ID.

Old Man.

"Shit! "

"Dan? Danae? You're still here?"

I hastened to bring my phone to my ear before swiveling quickly on my heels. "Hey, Steve. Sorry, I was ... on a case."

"That would explain the greeting." Recognized Steve letting me imagine his slight, warm smile.

I restrained myself from rolling my eyes to Jay's agreement to clear his throat before turning my attention back to the conversation. "So ... uh, it's not really your style to call."

"Yeah ... it shows so much?" He asked in his hoarse voice making me sketch a weak little smile anyway.

"You're not doing too badly." I assured myself as I hurried out of my own office as Jay continued to pester me. "So ... did you want something in particular?"

Steve clumsily cleared his throat, letting me imagine his disappointed expression."Yeah, uh ... I'll be sent on an operation. I don't really know how long I'm going to be away so I ... uh ... wanted to warn you that I couldn't be here tomorrow. I leave early tomorrow morning."

"Oh ..." I gasped, finding myself disappointed since I had put a lot of time and energy into this outing. "It's ... it's okay, I suppose."

After all, I assumed that was a sign. I was going to have a lot of work in the coming days and I could not really get distracted by little meetings with my dear neighbor next door.

"But maybe ... well, if you're free ... maybe we can see each other tonight?" Steve offered in his usual stuttering making me smile again.

I could not really hide the teasing of my tone as I leaned against the wall near the door of my office. "Are you trying to ask me out, Stevie?"

"Ha ... you wish." Hesitated the blond visibly still somewhat staggering with the language of now.

"Whoa, I'm impressed. It was almost that." I smiled mischievously before exhilarating at the thought. "Wait a minute ..."

I made my way back to my office, ignoring Jay's curious gaze at my quick pace before stopping behind my desk. I pulled the second drawer to retrieve the poster I had previously stored for a plausible exit idea to do with the ex-soldier. I was thinking quickly about the arrangements I should make in the afternoon so I could get ready before I realized I was already deciding.

I put the poster back on top of my desk before resuming my conversation with Steve with an almost childish smile at the thought of my plan. "Hey, do you think you'd still have some clothes from the thirties in your closets?"

"Why?" Steve asked at once with a suspicious edge in his tone.

A wide smile on my face took short Jay as I answered the tall blond."Just answer the question, Stevie."

"Well ... I still have my army dress uniform ..."

"No way? It's perfect !" I exclaimed in a jolt excited before already starting to imagine the preparations I should do. "It's absolutely necessary that you wear this uniform tonight and that you go to the address that I am going to send you. Believe me, you will not regret it. I mean… I hope. "

"Danae ..."

I could already imagine the slight frown of the blond's reluctant eyebrows making me roll my eyes. "Just believe me for once. And if it's a total disaster at least we will have several days to avoid each other."

Jay immediately gave a snort in response to my comment reminding me of his presence. I narrowed my eyes to the big brown, clearly a little embarrassed by the fact that he saw me acting so relaxed with Steve.

Nevertheless, I was trying to stay focused on the other man behind the phone. "Is it supposed to reassure me?"

"Okay, you trust me?" I asked immediately with a slight sigh.

However, I did not expect to receive the blond's almost immediate response. "I do."

"Oh, okay, good." I replied, still a little troubled by his confidence before leaving a new shy little smile on my lips. "So ... tonight? "

"Tonight, Danae."

I hung up with that lingering smile on my lips before quickly composing my expression at the Khallahan scoff agreement. "Whoa ... and me who thought you were uncomfortable with everyone. I feel like it's kind of personal now. "

"Oh, fuck off, Khallahan." I gasped as I put my phone in the back pocket of my jeans.

"And you just proved my point. "Note the brown with a smile curving his lips.

I was not long in losing this excitement again along my veins as I again crossed our poorly provided board.

I leaned against the side of my desk as I crossed my arms over my chest in concentration before giving a sigh while giving Jay a look. "We have to find the identity of the guy they're going to send."

"Yeah. "

"And organize the extraction in the most complete anonymity."

"I'll take care of it." Assured Jay again letting my lips squirm in mistrust.

I pushed myself out of my desk with my arms still crossed before gauge him with gravity."We can't trust anyone on this one."

"I already have a step ahead of you." Jay acquiesced as he transferred the contents of his USB key to my computer. "Here, these are the guys I put in to watch Zingler. They were also on the intervention with the Russians. They reported to me the slightest of the facts of this guy. I trust them."

I leaned my head, dubitative as I would briefly browse the records of his colleagues before giving him a serious look. "I hope for you that you're right. "

* * *

I let a sigh of relief leave my lips as I climbed the last step to my apartment before I remember hurrying to Steve's door. I could not really spoil the surprise. After all, I had just spent more than two hours in a hair salon to make this surprise even more extravagant.

_Who would have thought that a blow dry fit for the 50s and makeup that went with it would take so much time. Not me anyway._

_I did not even know that I had this patience honestly._

I hastened to enter the security of my apartment being careful to be careful not to damage the collection dress currently hide under a cover.

However, I was quick to pause in embarrassment and self-consciousness to exclaim Kate."Danae? It's you ?"

"Hey?" I hesitated with a perfectly manicured hand.

The blonde already taken aback by my appearance moved away from the counter to take more in my appearance with confusion. " What's happening ? You look like-"

"A superficial doll?" I grimaced as I clearly thought about my choices right now.

Kate tilted her head visibly in agreement before crossing her arms over her chest. "I was going to tell one of my great-aunts, but I guess it works too. Is there a reason for all this?"

"A middle-life crisis ?" I suggested, shrugging my shoulders before letting a deep sigh leave my lips."I'm ridiculous."

"Again, that's not really what I would have chosen." Objected Kate making me look at her with an arched eyebrow slightly surprised at her small smile. "It suits you pretty well. Even more than good. It's surprising."

I left a small smile somewhat reassured as I took the cover containing my dress before signing on my way to my room. "Wait to see the dress."

"Because there is a dress?"

"I try to be a good friend." I cried over my shoulder as I closed the door behind me.

_A surprise._

Steve had not really had any surprises planned for him since probably the thirties. Only one person really took the time for him and it was Bucky. And his friend did not really surprise him other than on his birthday. But he quickly learned that Danae enjoyed surprising him. It was probably a trait of her character that he liked most. This spontaneity.

Nevertheless, he was not sure what to expect when she asked him to put on his uniform. He had even hesitated at first to cancel when he had put on the latter. The emotions that had assailed him were almost too much for him.

For a moment, he thought he was undergoing another of those panic attacks that Danae had explained to him.

However, he had managed to control his breathing once he remembered that Danae would never do anything to deliberately cause him harm. Well except her usual little teasing.

He had readjusted his jacket and tie by looking in his mirror before donning the faithful 'vintage' glasses she had given him before leaving his apartment. He already knew he was more likely to be recognized with his army uniform. He had glanced at the door of his neighbor's apartment with a certain intrigue. Honestly, he knew she would not do anything to make him uncomfortable but he could not help but have a slight doubt. He had literally refrained from knocking on her door.

It was the first time she had arranged to meet him somewhere. Usually, they went together to their destination.

Knowing that it would probably not help, he had simply resigned himself to following the GPS application that she had taught him to use the previous week. He had to admit that despite her usual remarks about his age, Danae was giving a lot of her time to teach him the basics of technology.

With a look at the address she had sent him earlier, Steve rushed to the sidewalk towards his mystery destination.

* * *

All this had originally been planned for tomorrow. But since Steve was not going to be there for a while, I assumed it was always better than nothing.

I did not really know how he was going to take this surprise. Personally, I had never been very inclined for this type of surprise but I hoped that it was not the case with him.

After our little dinner the other night, I decided that Steve deserved a real first date. And those worthy of his time.

True, I was not his girlfriend or anything like that but I assumed he needed to close a certain page of his life. I was just hoping he was ready to go that way. So I'd been in the 1930's typical detective/date organizer mode and miraculously found this dance hall a few blocks from our real complex.

They was doing theme nights going from the roaring twenties to the fifties. And this week coincided perfectly with Steve's time of life.

That's why I decided to continue with my plan one day early.

After tomorrow, they would start the cycle again and we would not have a chance before two, three months. And better still, a costume corresponding to the remembered year was need. It seemed like the perfect date for Steve.

Admittedly, it will be a date of friends but I sincerely hoped that the idea would please him. All that was left to hope was that he did not make a panic attack.

From the moment Jay left my office, I hurried to call the hairdresser in the hope of having a rendezvous today. I had to literally run the distance between my office and the appartment to arrive on time. I really did not know where I got this boost of kindness and interest in the super soldier. All I knew was that I sincerely wanted to return the device for what he was helping me through. He probably did not know it but he had made my life less dark and cold since his appearance.

I could still fully feel the lack of Ben but a little more each day, I felt less alone. And I became more and more attached to him. That was probably why I was doing all that.

I had never thought so much of anything in my work. Or in my life before. When I took a real pleasure to see a smile on Ben's face. It was what I missed after his disappearance and Steve had somehow given me this pleasure again. And now, here I am, completely pumped from head to toe in a woman of the 30s and 40s. I was sincerely hoping that Steve would not take that wrong. I had really endured to look like this doll version of myself.

Nevertheless, I had to admit that I appreciated the material of the dress. She was a real gem of couture.

I had done a dozen thrift stores to find it. She was a pinup-style king-blue dress with sleeves coming up to my elbows. There was a thin belt sewn into the dress to further tighten my waist and I wore a small hat from the time pinning by a multitude of pliers in my cascades of tight curls. I had to recognize that the dress hugged the least of my forms like a second skin. I had never been as aware of my wasp waist and hips as in this dress. And I did not even talk about the lightly turning slightly dipping.

I tried to ignore the looks cast in my path as I was more concerned about tripping over these stilts.

The only problem was the shoes and I was definitely not warned when the store saleswoman had assured me to trust her for the choice of shoes. Now I found myself with beautiful pumps that killed my feet and probably ankles at the slightest step.

At this point, I did not really know what I was going to do if Steve hated the idea.

Steve definitely did not expect that when Danae gave him an appointment. Now he had to stand at the shelter of the crowd as he watched people's tail dress up in the style of his day. It was somewhat disconcerting as he watched all those people.

It was almost like he was home again.

Even the front of the building he was standing in front of him was reminded him of his home.

He did not really know if he felt a sense of comfort or simple nostalgia right now. All he knew was that he could not wait to see Danae arrive to ask if it was another joke. He really did not understand what he was supposed to do here in his army uniform no less.

"Steve! Hey, on your right."

The big blond immediately straightened up at the familiar voice's agreement simply to feel his jaw drop out and his eyes widen in shock and complete surprise as he put his eyes on the sublime brunette approach. He took a while to realize that it was Danae, but once he realized it, he was totally unable to take his eyes off her face. She was also dressed like most women around him. Only she seemed to wear this outfit with ten times more class than any other woman.

For a moment, he almost thought to see Peggy again in this bar, but he soon rejected the thought. Danae was far more intriguing in this draw than Peggy had been at the time. Just because it was normal for Peggy but Danae, it was not her time.

It was a totally change of cargo pants and baseball caps that he used to see her wear.

He barely registered her salute as she finally stopped in front of him. Instead, he hastily closed his mouth to swallow as he took another look at her appearance. She wore a dress that kissed every single curve like one of the Shield's uniforms. Although he had seen her many time in her underwear, Steve could not help but find her curves even more attractive in this dress.

It was honestly unsettling to see her like that and he was not even talking about how his heart seemed about to come out of his chest when he finally put his eyes on her face worthy of a doll.

She really did not leave anything to miss. She wore a small hat the same color as the dress and had a light make-up giving her hind eyes. He found himself stopping longer than necessary on her luscious lips painted bright red. Her natural curls had been reworked into tighter curls and framed her face in a halo of silky brown curls.

Everything in everything, Danae was a real doll.

"Okayyyyy ... so either this silence is alarming or a good sign." I said with a sudden sense of self-consciousness.

The tall blond in front of me immediately widened his eyes in the realization before hastening to shake his head in the objection. "No, no, no. It's ... whoa, Danae ... you really are ... you're..."

"Thank you, I guess. You're also very elegant…"I finished with a small smile on my lips as I took a nervous look around us before I went a little closer to straighten the tie of his uniform."For an old man."

I patted his chest to support my point before I smiled more as Steve rolled his eyes with a lingering little smile on his lips.

He took another look at me with a look that I now knew was appreciative before clearing his throat as he gave an uncertain look around us. "As much as seeing you this way is really ... surprising. I don't really understand what we're doing here. "

"It's a dancing hall." I replied with slight apprehension as I watched his reaction closely. He immediately raised his eyebrows in my direction. "I found the ad on the internet. They do these thematic evenings according to the times. Every week, they change their era. It also takes a suit to go with the time."

Steve let out a breath obviously surprised before giving a new look at the waiting line in the realization.

I bit the inside of my cheek in uncertainty as I waited for him to raise his objection before straightening up as he put his eyes on me again. "It was a bad idea, is it? Sorry, I just thought-"

"No, no, Dan. It's ... "Steve paused to look at the facade again before leaving a small smile on his lips as he turned to me with his elbow in my direction. "Shall we? "

I hastened to take his arm before pulling him with me in the waiting line with an audible sigh."Thank god, I don't know what I would have done if I had to suffer all this for nothing. I mean, certainly the result is great but the women of your time really looked like that. All the fucking time ?"

Steve let out a small laugh in response as he took on my appearance again with a smile. "You didn't have to do all that, you know."

"Of course yes." I asked with determination. "If I went to dress for the occasion. I had to appear as authentic as possible. It's part of the game."

Entering the hall next to Danae, Steve was suddenly struck by a strong wave of memories. The materials were sturdier and newer than his was, but he would have sworn to be in one of the dance halls of his day again. They had really put a lot of thought into the decoration to make it look as similar as possible.

He could feel himself relaxing despite the resonant jazz music all around the place. There was a strong light in the center of the lobby and an orchestra on a stage at the end of the dance floor. The floor was made of oak and there were several tables lined up on the side for those who wanted to share a dinner.

All the people around him were dressed in outfit of his time. It was as if he had just gone back in time. As if the last years had been a horrible nightmare and he was back, he was at home. For a moment he almost expected to see Bucky drag a new lady onto the track and make her twirl like he used to, but he soon remembered that was impossible.

Despite the fact that this place seemed exactly like home, it was impossible. And he suddenly found himself beset by the weight of the realization.

"Steve? You okay?" Danae immediately exclaimed warning him to straighten up anyway.

He knew that she really took the time and energy to plan this evening. It was enough to look at her to see how she had gone out of her usual way to revive his youth.

Just for that, he could not help but display a sincerely grateful little smile as he nodded in her direction. "Yeah ... I just need a little bit of time to get used to it again."

"Don't forget, just a word and we'll get out of here." Danae said confidently as she tightened the pressure slightly with her hand around his biceps.

He found himself widening his smile even more at the thought of the brunette. He had never thought that he would rest so much on her.

It was not really won when we thought about how they had met.

Who would have thought that Danae was so much more under her cold and distant exterior.

Nevertheless, he was sincerely grateful and perhaps even a little proud of him for persevering. For once, he really felt that he had made the right choice and it was really comforting to see that he was right.

"Excuse me ?" Danae suddenly called as a man in a suit passed in front of them. Steve did not miss the way he took with desire in the form of Danae."We have a reservation."

"Which name ? "

"Rogers." Danae answered without a shadow of a doubt.

Steve found himself again surprised as he watched the little brunette pull him after the man. She seemed to constantly surprise him when they were together. And he could not really stop that little emotion of masculine satisfaction as the man immediately retire his gaze on Danae. He had never really had the opportunity to live such an experience at the arm of such a pretty woman. In fact, pretty did not even cover what he thought of Danae right now.

The man in the suit showed them a table on the left side pushing Danae to withdraw her hand from his arm. Steve hastened to pull her chair in her place. He could not help but leave a small smile as she gave him a small frown before sitting down anyway. He sat in front of her before giving a simple nod to the man as he told them he was going back with the menu.

Danae put her little bag on top of the table as she took in the dancing couples on the dance floor with slight fascination.

He let out a small smirk as he took in her beauty. "I feel that you chose the place more for you than for me."

"Why ?" She asked immediately with a slight frown.

"You look fascinated."

She nodded at once with a small smile." I am. I told you I liked that time." She gave an uncertain look at her outfit. "Well that may not be the case for the standards of the time."

Finally, the man or rather Ronald, their waiter for the evening as he had introduced himself, returned to their table while placing two pints of beer in front of their plates. He pulled two cards under his arm before reaching them with a tense smile. Steve found himself neglected the card in favor of his beer as he found that it seemed as authentic. The beer of today was much stronger and darker but it seemed closer to the one he had before.

At the sight of his eyes, Danae hastened to take her own pint to tease him. "It's a beer."

"I had noticed." He looked up at the brunette with a smile. "It's just ... it seems almost like the one I had at the time."

Danae nodded, taking a sip before making him smile more as she almost winced at the softness. "Ew ... it's definitely a beer of your time. Can we even call it a beer?"

"It's less sweet than your usual drinks." Steve agreed as he took a sip of his pint. "It's probably less strong too."

Danae hastily rested her pint with another grimace before straightening up on her seat as she gave him a mischievous look. "Tip number 1: don't make this beer drink on your date."

"My date?" Steve nearly choked on his pint.

"Well, yes. Take this evening as a pre-date." Danae explained as she signed the surroundings completely ignorant of the strange feeling of disappointment in his chest. "You said your ideal date would be to go dancing but you probably wouldn't know what to do. So ... "

Steve raised his eyebrows as he put his pint in the slightest boredom. "So, it's a trap."

"A training." Danae corrected herself with conviction. "I will not be able to continue to occupy all your free time. I must end up sharing this fine piece of man."

Steve found himself again blushing slightly in embarrassment at her naming for him. Even though he was becoming more and more accustomed to her outspokenness, he was still sometimes unable to stand by her comments.

Nevertheless, he could not help but soon wrinkle his lips in uncertainty. He wanted to tell her that he was not really against the idea of spending all his nights with her. He liked to come back from the Shield and be able to leave all his thoughts behind him. Danae was the only one with whom he really felt himself.

To tell the truth, he did not really see himself sharing what he shared with her with another woman. It would be too strange and uncomfortable to discuss the things they discussed with each other.

However, it was obvious that she thought he needed someone else. Honestly, he did not see who could replace her but he decided to remain silent on the subject.

Instead, he turned his attention to Danae as she tried to instill in him the gestures and the most useful topics of conversation in this kind of situation. He relaxed again as he soon changed the conversation to get her own opinion. Soon enough, their conversation revolved around their usual teasing.

I finished the last bite of my dessert with a satisfied smile before putting my eyes on Steve again with amusement. He seemed to really enjoy the evening and seeing that smile on his usually serious face was a real victory for me.

I sincerely hoped that it had helped him to relax before leaving for this super-secret mission.

This secret mission.

I had to admit that I was somewhat curious about what he was doing for the country now. Obviously, I suspected that it had to be classified as a defense secret or something, but I could not help but wonder.

A fact that Steve seemed suddenly to realize as he gauged me with a slight raising of eyebrows just as curious. "Something wrong?"

"Just a thought." I replied, simply shrugging my shoulders.

However, that did not seem to be enough for him as he gave me a sharp look in patience."And? Penny for your though. "

"I was thinking about this ultra-secret mission." I whispered, adding quotation marks with my wide eyes to emphasize my amusement.

Steve suddenly gave a small smile to my expression before pulling back against his seat."What do you want to know ? "

"Is it related to the other cosplay fan?" I asked immediately with slight surprise.

On the other hand, Steve frowned at once in the confusion. "Cosplay? "

"Yeah ... it's a custom to dress like superheroes." I explained naturally before hissing him in the boredom. "It was funnier in my head."

"I imagine." Steve whispered with a small smile. "And I guess it was related to the Avengers?"

I leaned my head in agreement, giving Steve a negative jerk, letting my lips wrinkle as I looked back at the dancing couples around us.

However, Steve soon broke the silence between us again. "This is my second time on a mission with Team Strike and Agent Romanoff. "

"You seem rather happy to go back to the field."

"It's familiar. The fight and the terrain, that I know." He agreed with a serious nod, forcing me to give him my full attention. He had the gift of attracting all the attention. " All that ? It's a little less."

I left a smile as he signed the lobby before taking a sip of my glass of water seriously. I knew that feeling perfectly. Having been a soldier myself, I knew it was always harder to get used to everyday life when we had spent several months fighting. Or in the case of the Captain, several years in a block of ice.

Anyway, I rested my glass before returning my attention to him with understanding. "It's always easier in the field. The most difficult thing is to return to the real world and realize that we must continue to live without orders. "

"Well ... you seem pretty good at getting out of it." Steve suddenly said, making me give him a dubious look at which he let out a laugh."Right. Generally."

It was really nice to be able to talk so openly with someone without having to hold back. I honestly thought that I had handled the situation pretty well in the last few years, but it was only after meeting Steve that I realized how wrong I was. And that was also why I could not help but make a sudden comparison with Ben.

Everything was good when he went to Afghanistan and it seemed almost identical with Steve. I had never felt so close to anyone since Ben and I was still watching the fall of the second shoe. I could not help but stiffen myself against the sensation of déjà vu. I wrinkled my lips as I watched Steve with that new hint of worry before quickly turning my eyes away.

It was in a situation as happy and comfortable as Ben had left the apartment before never going home.

Now, Steve was not Ben but he had been the only source of happiness for quite some time.

In return, I knew that he could also think the same way if he knew what kind of mission I was working on.

I lowered my eyes to my bright red nails resting around my glass before suddenly remembering that I could not ruin the evening. It was supposed to be a free evening of discussions with heavy meanings. I had to find a way to change the tangent at all costs. And what better way than the dance floor put at our disposal.

I let a new mischievous smile curl my lips as I sat up before putting my full attention on Steve.

The latter frowned knowingly at once. "What? "

Instead of answering him, I pulled the towel from my lap and put it on the table before pushing my chair to get up. I could already see a slight look of panic settle on the angular face of the tall blond as I skirted the table before taking his large hand in mine.

"Danae, what are you doing?"

"C'mon, dance with me." I asked myself a little nervous about making a complete idiot of myself.

It was not a joke when I told him I did not know how to dance. But for him, I was ready to try. If only he would move that perfect little ass off his chair.

"I thought you didn't know how to dance." Steve deflate visibly alarmed before finally giving in as he got up in embarrassment.

I left a broad smile on my lips in victory as I turned to drag him with me on the dance floor. The lively music that occupied the majority of our dinner changed to a much slower music letting me turn to Steve with a completely lost expression. I was so confident about dancing before but now I was totally lost among all these couples.

Steve suddenly seemed to realize it as he let out a laugh with an arched eyebrow as a sign of mischief. "Well ? I thought you wanted to dance. "

"Okay, that was a bad idea. Let's go back to our- "

I was already halfway to our table when I suddenly felt a hand seize my wrist before making a small gasp of surprise as Steve whirled me to him. I was just catching myself with one hand on his shoulder and the other on his firm chest before raising my eyes wide on the smiling blond. I was totally unable to form a single syllable as I suddenly found myself capturing by azure blue eyes. Under the light, I could see a slight gray tint almost transparent in his pupils. He even had a ridiculous little brown stain in each of his irises. It was a strong contrast with the pupils of a black coal of Ben and yet I found myself suddenly suck in his eyes.

I swallowed as I became more and more aware of my heart drumming pleasantly in my chest. I did not know if it was the right atmosphere of the evening but I found Steve undeniably sexy tonight and I was simply unable to ignore his usual attractive physique.

"Would you give me that dance?" Steve murmured in a sexily smooth way making me tighten my grip on his shoulder.

I just nodded my head a little under his spell before following his hand as he intertwined his fingers with those of my hand still resting on his chest. I could feel his chin brushing my temple slightly as he readjusted his other hand around my waist allowing me to swallow again in nervousness.

"I ... I'll walk you on your feet." I stammered finally.

I was so close to the tall blond that I could feel his laugh under my hand as he objected almost instantly. "It's supposed to be my sentence, you know."

"Well, I only wear the outfit. I'm pretending after that." I confided somewhat timid arousing a new calm laugh from Steve.

"Are you sure ?" Steve insisted as he began to swing our bodies in rhythm with the music of Nina Simon - Feeling Good. "Look, it looks like you're dancing."

I took off slightly from Steve to look at our feet and realized that yes, we were actually dancing. On the other hand, I was not slow to grimace while muttering an excuse as I walked on the tip of his waxed shoes. A new vibration coming from the chest of the big blond beckoned me to lift my eyes on Steve to see him wearing the biggest smile I had seen him wearing until now. That was enough to relax me as I smiled in my turn clearly softened by his serene expression.

"You're really beautiful, you know." I confessed suddenly before biting the inside of my cheek into the realization.

However, Steve seemed completely unaware of my inner panic as he just arched an amused eyebrow again. "But you prefer the Steve pre-serum."

Obviously, he thought it was another of my jokes about his physical appearance. I tried to ignore the feeling of panic invading me as I just nodded with a tense smile.

_It was not normal these surges of emotion._ _I had always been fucking aware of his appearance but I had never really been subject to his charm before.  
_

_It must have been based on the atmosphere of the evening.  
_

_Yeah, that was the most logical explanation._

Deciding that it did not really matter, I decided to shift my attention to the big blond with mischief. "Of course. To tell the truth, I probably would have put the ring on the finger to this little guy if I had lived in your time."

"Oh really? Just that ?" Steve replied visibly amused by the idea and somewhat flattered."You seem so sure of yourself."

I shook my head, humming distractedly as he continued to swing us in a pleasant rhythm."Deadly. I probably would have been a nurse during the war and you ... well, what did you do before?

"I was studying in an art school." Steve added, looking up brightly with amusement over my head.

"Whoa ... that explains the sketchbook." I agreed with a nod, before quickly expressing my mischief. "Anyway, I said I probably would have been a nurse and you, a budding artist. I would have come to see you in one of these dancing halls because let's be realistic you wouldn't have come from yourself."

Steve let out a laugh in response to my fantasize before I gasped again as he suddenly decided to turn me around. I let myself be completely guided as he brought me back to him before taking my hand again in his, letting me look at him in disbelief.

Steve just raised a teasing eyebrow in response. "I doubt you would have come to see me."

"Maybe more like watching from the back of the room." I conceded with a shrug of my shoulders. "But I would have met you during one of your enlistment attempts. And now that I think about it, it seems a bit too much like my favorite movie."

Steve immediately raised his eyebrows in curiosity at this new piece of information."Your favorite movie?"

"Yeah ... it's a story during the war. Except that it includes a love triangle. I was not very excited about the idea but Josh Hartnett and Ben Affleck made up for that little flaw."

Steve burst into laughter knowingly before shaking his head in amusement. " I see. It's totally understandable. "

"Anyway, that was your thing then? Drawing I mean." I asked with interest.

Steve put his eyes a little more seriously on me and nodded. "I was drawing between the U.S.O Show. It allowed me to ... well, free my frustration."

"Like this monkey Captain America."

"So, you searched my sketchbook." Retorted the blond with a playful look in my direction.

I gave him my best all-out smile out of innocence before nonchalantly shrugging my shoulders. "Whoopsie?"

Suddenly, the music changed again for a more catchy pace making us stop to watch the couples lash all around us. I winced immediately as I watched a redhead raise his partner to the ground to spin her over his shoulder before giving a look alert on Steve.

"There is no way I can do that."

Steve let out a breath of laughter, seeming as mortified by the sight before beckoning me to our table. I nodded quickly before following him to get my clutch back. I proposed to Steve to pay for our dinner in the hope of leaving.

Obviously, this leads to the usual struggle over who would pay the bill and I was a little ashamed to say that he had managed to overtake me hands down.

Anyway, we were not long in finding ourselves on the streets of DC. We walked peacefully side by side, ignoring openly the glances on our paths.

Honestly, I was getting used to moving in that dress and the heels that went with it. And most importantly, I did not feel so foolish since I was sure that Steve liked the idea.

We were talking on the way back. Steve even went so far as to suggest that we return and I found myself accepting in a heartbeat.

Finally, I almost immediately removed my heels when we entered the lobby of our building. Steve commented on this fact by proposing to hold me but I quickly declined the idea with a gesture of the hand and a look of warning. Maybe I was dressed like a pin-up, but there was no way in hell I let myself go without having a real reason.

When we reached our hallway, none of us wanted to finish the evening so it was without hesitation that I asked him what he thought of exploring his famous access to the roof. It had been several weeks since I wanted to ask him and I assumed that tonight was as good as any other night.

So that was how I found myself sitting on the floor with a beer in my hand while Steve was in the same position against the brick edge of the building. I let out a sigh of contentment as I took in the fresh air before taking another sip of my beer. I rested it by my side before leaning my head against the wall behind me. I closed my eyelids as I could hear the usual noises of a big city and let them rock me in a feeling of complete peace. That's why I loved the rooftop views so much.

I assumed that I finally got to the roof. Even if it was not with Ben.

"I always envied your access to the roof." I confessed calmly as I kept my eyes closed. "Ben had promised to buy me a house with access to the roof."

"You miss him." Concluded Steve sympathetically, letting me open my eyes to gauge him in the darkness with a nod. "I'm really sorry, Danae. You deserve more than that."

I sketched a small smile at his tender sincerity before shrugging my shoulders."It's not as if returning to the past was possible."

"Maybe he will be one day." Steve suddenly asked me, arching an eyebrow."I survived in the ice for seventy years without aging."

"Maybe it already exists but no one has ever really tried." I agreed without much conviction before letting out another tired sigh.

I took another sip of my beer just like Steve before turning my attention to his question."What ... what do you miss most?"

I lowered my eyes on the bottle in my hands to his question leaving me scratching distractedly the label with the fingernail of my thumb. Steve seemed about to back down on his question but I hastened to look up to answer him.

"Wake up to him." I admitted with a slight hint of emotion in my tone. "Before, it was my favorite moment of the day. No matter what we had to do during the day, waking up to his side was always a peaceful moment. He took me in his arms and I knew that was how I wanted to wake up for the rest of my life. Now I wake up in a burst of agony and sweat."

I did not need to watch Steve to know he was gauging me with a pure look of compassion. Only, I just ignored him as I suddenly opened my bag to get my trusty pack of cigarettes.

I immediately brought a white stick between my lips with my lighter in hand before taking a break at the request of Steve. "Can I have one? "

I lit my cigarette before putting the lighter back in the pack as I threw it at him without a word. He caught it without much difficulty before taking one between his fingers.

I watched with a small smile as he tested the texture between his fingers. "The first cigarette I had was my last one. I had such an asthma attack that Bucky had to carry me to the hospital."

"Have you ever tried after the serum?"

"The alcohol didn't affect me. I did not see the point of trying again." He reminded himself, shrugging his shoulders before pinching the stick between his pink lips.

I watched as he lit it before being assaulted by a sudden fit of coughing. I left a smile on my lips as he immediately removed the cigarette from his lips before crushing it on the floor in disgust.

"You have to stop this." He grimaced in a hoarse voice before swallowing as he rested his eyes on me with determination. " I'm serious. You have to stop, Dan."

I rolled my eyes with a lingering smile on my lips before releasing the smoke I had inhaled."Yeah, yeah, grandpa. "

"I don't even know why I'm trying."

"Exactly." I agreed, pointing at him with my cigarette caught between my index finger and my middle finger.

Steve rolled his eyes smiling before resting his head against the brick wall behind him. I did not really know why but I found myself watching him silently with a small smile on my lips. At that moment, I had the impression to have a brief glimpse of this little guy from Brooklyn. Not the one who was genetically modified but Steven Grant Rogers.

And as the first time at the museum, I found myself thinking aloud."You're going to make a woman really happy one day."

"I ... uh, thank you?" Steve stammered visibly embarrassed and flattered at the same time before starting again seriously. "But ... it's not really important now."

"Because you're too busy?" I retorted sarcastically as I used his poor excuse against him.

Steve rolled his eyes at my tone before catching me off guard again. "Because I already have a friend. And that's enough for me."

"Now don't become sentimental over me, Stevie." I warned him with a flattering smile that gave the blond a laugh. "Although I can understand you. Who would want a girlfriend when they have me as a friend? And then, I made you dance."

Steve burst out laughing at my unparalleled arrogance before bowing his beer in my direction with amusement. "And then, you made me dance."

"We must not forget it." I insinuated.

A new comfortable silence passed between us before Steve spoke again. "But for what it's worth ... I think you'd make any man happy, Danae. You deserve to be happy again."

"Well, to quote one of my friends, why have a boyfriend when we have Captain America as a friend, huh?"

This time, I fell in laughter with Steve clearly satisfied with this arrangement. I really did not need to worry about rebuilding my life if I had the soldier by my side.


	12. Did you sleep ?

_Did you sleep ? No. I'm training to die. Unknow_

* * *

With Steve gone, I needed a distraction and what better distraction than working on a high-risk operation. Jay and I had spent the last two days literally locked in my office.

There was a breach in the warehouse where they kept their witness and the reality of the gravity of the situation could not have been more explicit for us. Jay's men had barely managed to get the witness out of the warehouse and there was now a count of two men in the hospital.

Jay needed my help even more than before.

Hence the reason I was in the waiting room at the Police Station. I scanned the place briefly in a sense of nervousness before crossing my arms over my chest to prevent myself from playing with the first object in my path. I had never been very comfortable in such a place. Probably because P.I and police detectives did not get along too well.

Jay and I were probably the exception to the rule and that was only because there was this famous case that he and I had worked on three years ago.

Anyway, I tried to ignore my discomfort as I was not long to see the big brown. The latter was wearing his uniform with elegance and assurance as he walked out the door to the offices before quickly scanning the room for me.

I got up quickly to make it easier for him to walk by his side as he took the lead, frustrated."My boss is furious. "

"Really ? I can't imagine why. I mean… it's not as you monopolized men without telling him." I replied sarcastically, receiving a dark glance from the brown.

The latter pushed one of the swinging doors to the team rooms before signaling me to enter. I took a step inside with confidence and strove to ignore most of the looks in our path. On the other hand, I was eager to analyze the faces of those around us. If there was another mole then I planned to unmask him.

"This way." Jay pointed out as he took my forearm watching the area before pulling me into one of the offices team.

There, I was surprised to find myself face to face with three people who hurried to get up at Jay's entrance. The latter closed the door behind me before advancing to the beginning of the table to explain the situation. I watched the trio silently as Jay motioned me to sit down. I took the chair closest to the exit before crossing my arms over my chest. Jay hastened to take the chair on my left at the head of the table.

I took a quick look at the proof board behind me before shifting my attention to the documents scattered on the table. Clearly, the team around us had started to review the file without us.

I assumed they were the punishment of Jay's boss. Obviously, he wants to stick new men under Jay responsibilities. I shook my head briefly at the thought before returning my sharp attention to the trio. There were two men and a woman. All in an age range from early twenties to a more experienced forties.

The woman was the closest to me in terms of age and placement so I chose to start my observation with her. She stood casually with a piercing green glance peering at Jay in the meantime. I could feel her curious gaze on my profile every few seconds forcing me to do the same to avoid a somewhat awkward eye contact. She had her bright red hair in a bun over her head and seemed to wear a more casual outfit than the other three men in the room. The graphic T-shirt with Iron Man's head was a clear indication. And I was not even talking about her overall style indicating that she had to be a kind of genius. She also seemed more relaxed in her behavior than the other two.

In front of her was the eldest of our small group, he had an assured posture. He seemed to know what he was doing as he was giving Jay a close look. I could almost detect an ounce of pride in his steel blue eyes as he looked at Jay. Almost like a kind of parental pride and I immediately gave Jay a look with a slight curiosity. Clearly, there was a type of story between these two.

I continued with my observation as he began to absently tap his fingers against the table.

Now that I thought about it, the trio seemed to be wearing different clothes from the officers I had met on my arrival. They wore more civilian clothes. I raised an eyebrow at this new information before moving my eyes to the last man in the room. The one seemed more imposing and suspicious of the group as I took in his muscular physique that could almost put Captain America to shame. I was a little nervous at the sight of his biceps and that was saying little when we knew who my neighbor was. He had a dark skin and a shaved head, a multitude of Native American tattoos adorning his right arm. He looked more like one of the All Blacks players than a police officer to my taste but I strove to be objective.

"Detective Dimarco and I have gathered most of the information on this case."

I immediately turned my eyes to Jay's intervention as I could feel the attention riveted on me before greeting the trio sarcastically. "It would be me."

The tall brute immediately let a scoff in response as the blue-eyed man rolled his eyes. Only the redhead seemed to crack a smile to my intervention.

"Don't be fooled by her angelic face, she's a real pain in the ass and a sniper decorated of the US Army." Khallahan added firmly, showing who was in control and I was once again just shrugging my shoulders as the trio turned to me. "She will be our back up and our eyes during the extraction. She has already worked with me and I have complete confidence in her abilities."

"Such a sweet-talker, Khallahan."

The latter rolled his eyes before turning to the trio with slight annoyance in his tone. "I forgot a damn arrogant bitch who will not hesitate to push your buttons."

"Didn't know we work with parasites now." The big muscled said in a deep baritone voice.

I immediately cocked my jaw, narrowing my eyes before giving him a look of judgment under the indignant eyes of Jay. "Didn't know they were hiring retired 90s wrestlers in the police."

"You have a problem, midget?" The tall bald man exploded at once as he pulled his feet off the table and walked over to the table with an air supposed to be intimidating.

I just arched an eyebrow in defiance before glancing at Jay as he pressed his hands flat on the metal table to get our attention. "Enough! Both of you!"

I immediately looked back at the asshole just to shrink my eyes as I made eye contact. A heavy, tense silence settled between us as we tried to yield the first. Petty, I know, but it was damn good when he lost in the first ten seconds.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, clenching my fist in victory under the incredulous eyes of the rest of the team and bored for King Kong.

Jay immediately grabbed the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger as he could already feel a headache in power before giving a look at his atypical team. He soon met the hilarious look of his mentor before leaving a sigh. He could already imagine his train of thought. He had once been under his command and he had been almost as infamous as Danae. He already knew that he was probably going to have to lead one of the most difficult case of his career.

"So ... this case ... it's a bit like David against Goliath, if I understand correctly." Finally, the second woman in the group intervened, letting Jay tilt his head in agreement. "Because we're talking about going against a government organization that could very well work with the Avengers."

It had the ability to immediately challenge Jay as he gave Danae a nervous look. Obviously, she had some sort of connection with the Cap and he was not sure of her reaction. He had learned the true importance of the Shield in this morning's briefing and he had not had time to share the info with the little brunette.

"Sorry, what?" I exclaimed visibly challenged by this new ounce of information before immediately turning on my chair to give a sharp look at Jay as I pointed the redhead with my finger."I dream or she just said the Avengers?"

"What? You're a fan?" King-Kong immediately made me squint at him in exasperation.

"Oh bite me ! "

In response, he let one of his smirking smiles letting me roll my eyes before turning my attention to Jay in impatience. I began to tap my fingers on my biceps after having re-crossed them on my chest.

I was not up on the cosplay team but the Avengers meant Captain America and Captain America meant Steve. My Steve. Not mine as in my possession but ... the point ... the real point here was that I was missing crucial information in this case. And that implied Steve implicitly. With my knowledge and what I knew about the ex-soldier, it could very well be that the Shield was the organization he was working for. Which meant he could very well work for the bad guys.

I could not help feeling the new weight of mistrust falling on my shoulders.

"I just learned it from my boss." Jay hurried to explain before wincing in uncertainty. "You realize you can't talk about it to-"

"I know how to do my job." I was coldly unaware of the trio's confused look at our duet. "I just wish I had all the information beforehand."

Jay wrinkled his lips in a grimace of discomfort at my scathing gaze before giving me a new, considerate look. "It will not be a problem?"

"Why would that be a problem?" The steel-blue-eyed man asked as he glanced in my direction before glancing at Jay expectantly.

The latter let his eyes go back and forth between the man and me letting me roll my eyes again before supporting the man's eyes with confidence. "I repeat I know how to do my fucking job."

The brute left a snort in mockery, letting me squeeze my arms crossed over my chest. I could feel my jaw clenched as I let my thoughts procrastinate.

Steve could not voluntarily work with the bad guys. He was the most honest, straight, sincere and fair guy I knew. Really, it was no surprise he was Captain America. He was just too perfect. And although it's annoying most of the time, that was enough to reassure me a little at this time. Because there was absolutely no possibility that Steve was on the wrong side. But that did not mean he was not working blindly for the bad guys.

This simple thought was enough to motivate me more for this matter. It was not just to help Jay or even a question of adrenaline. It was personal.

I just could not let an organization use Steve more. God only knew how much he would be destroyed if he learned that he had been working for the wicked from the very beginning.

He had suffered enough aisles for a lifetime.

Hence the reason I did not leave anything to chance during the next two days. And those even if I hated to find myself in the presence of the muscle mountain aka Franck Acostino. He was a former navy converted back into the police. He seemed to have had a little more respect for me when I also quoted my title but I could still see that look of disdain and annoyance every time I turned my back. He was probably convinced he was quite discreet but I knew better.

Andrew Delatour as he had introduced himself, was an experienced detective who came straight from France. I had come to learn that he had been Khallahan's mentor at some point in his career and he seemed to accord a very important thought to his ideas. It was really intriguing to see the big career detective turn to the older detective to get his approval. And then there was Arlene or God, as she supposedly liked being called. She was a very different character. Honestly, I was sincerely surprised by her colorful character. She was an inspector of cybercrime. As I had assumed, gadgets and computers were her favorite toys and she was damn good at that, too.  
But what was even more appreciable was her sarcastic side relatable to mine. All in all, she was definitely the one I liked most about working on this case.

Unfortunately, she was so good that she managed to hack into a lot of secure Shield files. This was probably minor information but still enough to challenge any experienced eye. And so that was enough to reinforce my concern about Steve.

I strove to stay focused on the operation during the rest of the preparations. However, it seems that I was unable to stop my thoughts from twirling back to Steve.

It was enough for me to be distracted for the space of a moment to finally ask me again about the super soldier.

I knew how risky it was, not to mention that a tiny moment of distraction would be enough to fuck everything up. But I just could not help but think about Steve. If it was because a tiny part of me was trying to remind me of his absence or because the detective was concerned by the situation, I had no idea but the end remained the same.

I could not help but worry about him. And that was probably the most ridiculous thought when you knew who he was.

Nevertheless, I was convinced that my train of thought was holding on to it. After all, I had always visualized Steve as a man like any other. He had his qualities, his strengths, his flaws and his faults that made him just as human as any other man.

I had the chance to see him happy, nostalgic, in distress. He had not once hidden in front of me. And that made me aware enough of how much I had involved with him.

Suffice that I definitely felt bad about keeping all this to myself.

The only thing that kept me from ruining this operation was that he was not around. Otherwise I probably would have yielded under his eyes of adorable puppy. This simple thought was also enough to worry me about my current state of mind. I had never planned to attach myself so much to the big blond. All this had become fucking real during the last days and I was not sure I could handle so much pressure. And that was not enough to cover all my worries.

In addition to worrying about Steve, I could not help feeling that deep foreboding about the operation. The majority of the organization's files were encrypted. Whenever Arlene tried to enter, she came across a kind of shabby logo. It consisted of a kind of monster with a skull and tentacles.

To top it off, Zingler, the witness finally decided to speak. The organization was not really our biggest threat. The man or weapon of the organization who was in pursuit of the witness was a super-trained assassin. They called him the ghost and he seemed to have resorted to some ... improvements. I was not sure how to call it honestly but it was enough to alarm me.

This investigation had definitely taken a turn for the worse. Our chances of success had dropped significantly in the space of a day. I had always learned how to prepare. But I could feel it. I could feel it in my guts that this operation was going to go south. Hence the reason why I found myself again at the care home. It was my usual ritual when I was planning a high-risk operation. It had never felt so good for me.

My eyes fixed on a sleeping Alma, I let my thoughts free once more.

We needed more than half of the information. Everything seemed buried under a pile of dirt and I was unable to fully see the big picture since Steve was included.

_Steve._

Once again my thoughts ended their way to the tall blond. I wrinkled my lips as I unconsciously turned my eyes from Alma into a feeling of unconscious guilt. I swallowed as I could feel the slight emptiness that the tall blond had left after his departure. It was strange and alarming to see how much I had missed him during the last days. I had not missed anyone as much as him since Ben. It was disconcerting.

I did not really want to admit it but it was a fact. I could not help but think how much it would affect Steve. I bit the inside of my cheek just before I let a weak sigh pass my lips as I brought my watch to my eyes to check the time.

I still had to join the team to discuss the plan again. The operation was going to take place tomorrow.

Once again, I found myself reviewing the steps of the plan in my head. Jay and I had worked more than half the night on the best shooting site. His previous team took satellite shots of the hideout. This allowed us to choose the best place to keep myself ready. I was going to take place on one of the roofs of the surrounding warehouses with one of the rifles of the brigade while Acostino and Jay were going to ensure the reception of Zingler. Two more men were already on the scene to watch him.

As for Arlene, she was going to be our eyes and ears from the back of the sedan requisitioned for the extraction. The latter was going to be led by Delatour.

On paper it was a pretty easy, but I knew enough about the variables around to know it was all but.

If this killer-the ghost was as fearsome as the witness let him be, then we had a serious problem.

Honestly, it was the only real worry in my eyes. Lack of information about him. Knowing that he might have undergone some sort of enhancement like Steve or the rest of some of the Avengers did not help either. I had a brief overview of what Steve could do, and I was fully confident that he could do much more. If ever this ghost killer was as good or even optimized then he was a real threat.

I let a second sigh escape me before getting up silently from the chair provided for visitors. I gave one last softened look at Alma before tracing my steps towards the exit. I closed the door behind me before advancing down the hall with the firm intention of avoiding Robbie.

I did not need to meet her at such a moment. I really did not want to lie to her.

I readjusted my trusty cap on top of my head before making a sudden pause as I noticed a familiar name on one of the room doors on the hallway. I paused despite myself as I let my eyes slowly scan the plate carefully.

'Margaret' Peggy Carter." I murmured under my breath as I let my eyes go back and forth between the plate and the closed door in hesitation.

I knew for a fact that it had been a while since Steve had visited her, and it was not the mission he was on that could help him in that department. I knew it was a whole new intrusion into his private life but I just could not help but be curious. After all, she was Steve's first love. He spoke so highly of her, clearly it had been a crush of some kind.

I wrinkled my lips in a last fight of conflicting thoughts before acting on an impulse. I could feel my heart speeding up as I turned the handle and shyly passed my head in the crack.

There, I was not long in being literally frozen in place by a pair of dark brown eyes. I was literally petrified under the weight of realization as I took in the appearance of the elderly woman resting in the hospital bed. She had long curly gray hair framing her soft face. Her eyes were ferocious despite her visibly weakened state and I could see many emotions crossing her eyes as she openly took in my appearance.

I could not help but think about Steve again. And especially since she was the woman, he had told me about. It was the woman he had fallen in love with seventy years ago. The woman with whom he had envisioned a future before losing any ounce of hope once in the ice.  
She was a reflection of how Steve should look.

I remembered too late that it was not polite to look at someone with their gaping mouths as I tried to straighten myself by composing my expression. I let an uncertain smile curl my lips as I made a new eye contact.

"I ... uh ... Peggy? I mean ... Margaret Carter?" I stammered in nervousness as I walked a little further into her room while closing the door behind me.

"Who asks ?" The old woman replied on the bed with inquisitive eyes.

I could perfectly discern a slight British accent under her tone of authority. Clearly, she was not a woman to be underestimated. I swallowed under the authority she seemed to clear before composing my position again. I was not so intimidating after all.

"My name is Danae-"

A look of recognition passed over her face before she hastened to interrupt me with another disconcerting smile. "You're Steve's neighbor. "

"I ..." I paused incredulously before pointing at me in the uncertainty. " You know who I am ?"

A slight smile soon bowed her wrinkled lips as she nodded against her pillow."He talks a lot about you."

"Oh… "

I immediately slid my hands into the back pockets of my skinny jeans as I realized how awkward it was. I did not know her at all, and I was not really sure what to say in such a situation. I had not been so social for a long time. Steve had been the only real exception in recent months.

Finally, Peggy pointed to the available seat as a sign of invitation before straightening up with some difficulty in her bed.

I gave her an uncertain look before taking a seat, giving her a sorry look. "I didn't want to go over the limit, I was just ..."

"It's okay. I think you have barely crossed a limit regarding Steve." Peggy reassured me with a contagious smile. "He's not really the type to hold a grudge."

I found myself smiling in acceptance before giving a curious look at the woman in front of me. "He speaks highly of you."

Peggy nodded with a sad, little smile before giving me another curious look. " How is he ? I mean ... how is he really?"

"He ... he manages pretty well all things considered." I admitted in an empathic breath.

However, I was not long in raising my eyes surprised on the woman to her confession. "He told me that it was partly thanks to you. You helped him rationalize things."

"I-I ... I'm not sure I can take all the credit." I asked with a faint frown of surprise before giving the woman a nervous look. "In fact, he's probably the one helping me. I-I was in a dark place when I met him."

"Sometimes positive things come out of the darkness." Peggy mused with a hint of wisdom, letting me focus my attention on her.

I leaned my head in indecision as I took a moment to reflect on her statement before shyly nodding my head in agreement. I really hoped she was telling the truth. Because right now, I needed a little hope.

"You don't seem really convinced." Peggy said with a small smile making me sit up straight in my chair.

"It's not ... well ..." I winced at my own silly behavior before scraping my throat as I composed my expression in a slight frown. "I don't really know what to do."

"To that, I would answer that you must follow what you think is the most right." Peggy made me arch an eyebrow as she gave a new little smile."But I'm pretty sure it's easier said than done."

I let out a laugh in agreement before stiffening up in spite of myself as Peggy suddenly raised her hand in my direction. I swallowed awkwardly as I cast a questioning glance between her hand and face before leaning tentatively toward her.

I took her hand with a slight sense of uncertainty before immediately raising my eyes in hers as she spoke with conviction. "Can you promise me something, Danae?"

"I ... I'm not really the most stable person for the promises." I admit in a slight sense of panic.

Peggy, on the other hand, just squeezed her grip on my hand, adding her other hand over our grip to strengthen her point. "I want you to promise to stay with Steve. No matter what happens, he needs you."

I tried to withdraw my hand as I let out a breath visibly about to object only Peggy hastened again to strengthen her grip."Promise me. "

I found myself frozen on the spot under the intensity of her eyes of a warm brown letting me swallow again in indecision.

Finally, I let a simple nod before giving a slight pressure on her hand to calm her anxious mind. "I promise you to try."

* * *

"Okay, last briefing before launching the plan." Announced Delatour as I stood beside Khallahan against one of the walls of the police station's preparation room.

I looked at the group surrounding me as I could feel the atmosphere gradually losing its warmth. It was more sober and tense as most of the room's occupants were reviewing the plausible from the plan.

All members of our team had donned the usual uniform during tactical operations. Jay even went so far as to find me a uniform with a bulletproof vest and enough artillery to be able to secure their ass. I paired the rest with a simple skinny cargo black jean and a simple turtleneck of the same color. My hair was raised in a ponytail.

My gaze drifted on Arlene to the agreement of her keyboard being struck quickly. She was really a sight to see with her skill set. And I did not even speak of her gaze fixed on the board in front of her. She had that determined expression I had never seen before. She suddenly seemed very qualified for a simple geek at first.

I tried to listen attentively to Delatour's course, but I was more occupied with my own role. I was the sniper. Their way out lay solely on my shoulders. I straightened up somewhat like Acostino, who was currently on one of the chairs, removed the toothpick he had in his mouth to point to the board. Or more approximately on the image with the question mark that I drew several days before.

"What are we supposed to do if this guy decides to pay us a visit?"

I stood up despite myself as I could feel this bad feeling again along my veins. I narrowed my gaze only on the sheet with the question mark as I tried to remember all we knew about this guy.

"From what Zingler told us; this guy is a kind of machine. He shows no emotion. "

"It could be you." Jay suddenly said in a whisper.

I quickly frowned at him with a bored look at his profile as Delatour continued to relay what we knew about the guy. "He's highly armed and very experienced."

"Still you. "

I crossed my arms over my chest this time as I peeled off the wall to give him a full look exacerbated this time. Khallahan turned his turn in the realization before immediately losing his smile at the sight of my expression.

"Or not." He hastened to correct with a clumsy cough.

I rolled my eyes as I turned to Delatour as he finished the briefing before advancing to the table on which rested two black sports bags. I walked towards them without a word as the rest of the team got up to get ready. I took one of the bags ignoring the familiar weight of the weapons it contained before following the foursome outside the complex as Khallahan directed us to the sedan he had requisitioned for the investigation.

I watched as Delatour and Jay went to the back while Arlene finally took her eyes off her pc, which was currently hanging on her chest by a sort of harness, to turn to me.

She pretended to look in one of her pockets of baggy jeans before handing me a wireless headset. "Here. Stay within a reasonable distance."

"Will do." I assured myself as I took the headset by sharing a last look through the back door with Khallahan before giving him a typical military salute.

The latter hastened to make me leave by slamming the door after Arlene before heading to the bike park just behind the black sedan. She belonged to Khallahan. The latter had thought it would be wiser to make our way in separate vehicles so after making sure that I would not spit his baby, he gave me the keys to the machine in front of me.

A slight smile excited raise on my lips as I stuck the seal before donning the headset that Arlene had just confided. I gave a slight pressure against the button to activate it before then put on the black opaque helmet lying on the tank.

I quickly made contact as the sedan in front of me entered the track.

I made sure to stay at a sufficient distance from the black sedan while slaloming skillfully between the cars. I had been used to driving Ben's bike during our first years of marriage and I had always enjoyed the feeling of freedom that came with the ride.

However, it was not a simple ride. I could feel the adrenaline pumping quickly through my veins as I accelerated well above the speed limit before overtaking the sedan.

"Show off!" I heard Acostino call through my com making me smile despite myself before going through a new speed as I quickly took the lead of the convoy.

The rest of the trip went relatively well even though I was alert for the whole of it. With what we had learned, it was certain to say that we had better prepare us for the worst.

This guy, the ghost seemed to back down from nothing to reach his target. And from what I had learned, he never seemed to miss it.

This left a new weight along my shoulders as I finally cut the engine of the bike once on the scene of the operation. I parked quietly close to the ladder leading to the roof of the warehouse before removing the helmet by placing it on one of the handlebar grips.

I hurried to reach the com' in my ear to warn the rest of the team of my position. "Alpha 1 ... I'm on the scene."

"Alpha 2, copy that." Khallahan answered in a low voice before allowing the static to fill the silence between us."... and Dimarco ... good luck."

"Don't worry, I have your back. "

I flexed down the bike to pull the bag off my shoulders before laying it down heavily on the ground. I was kneeling in the cover behind the bike before sliding the closure to open it. I could not help but feel that slight sense of apprehension at the sight of the assault rifle in front of me.

I took a deep breath as I briefly let my fingers caress the butt before grabbing the strap and tripod. I straightened up, slipping the rifle strap around my middle before turning to the ladder.

I glanced around to make sure I was not being watched before grabbing one of the steel bars on the ladder. I immediately put my eyes on the roof before starting to climb. I did not even count the number of bars at this point as I continued to climb with light pressure along my arms and thighs. I was not out of shape but let's say I had not really done so much exercise for quite some time.

Maybe I should redouble my efforts to run more often.

Far too late for my taste, I finally reached the roof leaving me hoisted into a slightly squatting position as I accelerated the pace towards the edge. I threw myself flat on my stomach as I could see the sedan entering the center of the car park before quickly removing the strap from my middle to install the tripod to support the rifle.

I took into account the atmospheric pressure and the direction of the wind to stabilize my weapon before taking a look through the lunette on the sedan below. I was at a distance as I swept the area quickly before focusing again on the team inside the car.

"Alpha 2, report of the situation."

I crawled a bit more to the floor to make myself a little more comfortable since it was going to take a while before reaching for my headset again."Alpha 1, clear."

"Okay, we move." Jay ordered at once, letting me watch the surroundings again to make sure they were back.

I looked through the lunette as Delatour and Khallahan stepped out of the sedan before following them until they entered the building hiding the witness. I let out a weak sigh as everything seemed to be going according to plan. I followed the process closely as I could hear Khallahan through the com before instinctively straightening up as he ordered me to move. Soon enough, I could see Khallahan and Delatour come out of the hideout with the witness and two cops flanking him. I immediately removed the security of my rifle as I glanced through the visor on the approaching group.

"Alpha 2, we approach the vehicle."

"I have you in visual."

I took a breath as I could see the group move by watching their backs before scanning the area again. I nodded as the group seemed clear of threat before turning my attention back to the moving group.

However, I was not slow to freeze with a wide look in warning sign as I was not long in spotting a red dot on the witness.

I immediately brought my hand to my headset in a hurry as I checked the surrounding roofs again in apprehension. "Sniper! "

The group activated immediately in the action leaving me to worry about the shooter. I could hear the group pulling out their weapon while alerting the talkative witness to shut up. I did not know much of their conversation as I tried to regulate my breathing so I could stay focused on the task at hand.

_He was on the roof for sure._

Depending on the angle of fire and the distance to be taken into account, he had to be on one of the roofs facing mine. I ignored the rigidity settling into my limbs as I pulled my finger over the trigger while watching the roofs accurately. I closed one eye to increase my accuracy while readjusting the butt of my rifle against my shoulder to prevent recoil. I could feel my heart pounding calmly in my chest as I synchronized my breath with my beats.

I was perfectly trained for that. The bastard had absolutely no chance to escape.

"Dimarco, report of the situation!" Khallahan demanded in a tight voice.

I rolled my eyes clearly more able to handle the pressure. "Relax, Khallahan. I control the situation."

"Well control faster!"

The sight of an arched silhouette behind one of the adjacent roof vents caught my attention. "Gotcha!"

However, I did not have time to do anything as I briefly heard the witness wiggle through the static before releasing a swear as the latter literally rushed into the firing range.

"Fuck, Khallahan!" I shouted through the com just as the first shot sounded.

I did not even notice the status of the witness as I immediately turned my attention to the figure before releasing the trigger. It seemed enough to challenge him as I suddenly found myself freezing under the shooter's icy gaze. It was a fleeting moment in which I was able to see half a face covered by long brown hair and a kind of mask almost like a kind of muzzle.

The man with the stature that could easily compete with Steve's also seemed to freeze as he took in my pace before suddenly waking me from my trance as he completely changed his target.

I barely had the time to put my eyes as wide as the red point was now on me before releasing a deafening cry as I felt the bullet tear through the skin of my shoulder.

"Danaeeeee! "

I fell back brutally under the force of fire before immediately bringing my hand to my wound as I could feel a hot liquid and thick slip between my fingers. I had never received a bullet in the shoulder before but I could definitely say that it was a real pain.

To tell the truth, I could already feel my lungs crumbling little by little under the effect of the pain. Clearly, he had not failed his reputation.

I was trying to breathe through the pain as I could vaguely hear Jay's panicked calls across the com. I struggled through the pain to snugly remove the small device before probably going through a state of shock as I could feel my vital organs letting go of their own turn.

I lifted my eyes one last time on the stormy gray sky above us as I let my hands fall to my side in exhaustion.

I could feel my blood flowing quickly, too quickly from the hole letting me through a moment of lightness. My thoughts gradually slipped into an abyss of unconsciousness, finally letting me close my eyelids with a faint smile. I was in an in-between stage as I was suddenly visualizing Ben's face soon followed by someone I did not expect to see in my last moments.

_Steve's._


	13. No one is coming to save you

_If you don't fight for what you want, don't cry for what you lose. Unknow_

* * *

Sharon or rather Kate could not imagine why Fury had arranged a meeting at the General Hospital. Despite being assigned a nurse role during her Captain's surveillance mission, Sharon had never really set a foot in this hospital.

To be honest, she hated hospitals. They stank of the disinfectant and ... unfortunately, death. She could not even imagine how most of the staff did to work in such a place. Still, they were vital personnel.

Nevertheless, the only one she attended regularly was the retirement home and even then, she did not feel comfortable locked within its four walls.

She tried to bury this discomfort beneath her character as an agent as she walked steadily and confidently through the corridors of the care building. She avoided some of the staff on her way before releasing her phone again to check on the text from the director sent earlier.

She immediately looked up at the number listed as a meeting point before scanning the various doors in search of the said number.  
A slight frown soon appeared on her heart-shaped face as she realized the number matched that of an bloc of operation. She had absolutely no idea or even the subject of this impromptu meeting. There were still a few minutes, she was in the comfort of her living room waiting for the return of her roommate. But still, it was like that with the Shield. She had spent enough time in the organization to know when to question or not.

So with a straight stance and a rapidly composed expression in neutrality, Sharon brought her fist against the smooth surface before finally entry to Fury's familiar voice. She stopped again as she was confronted with the Shield Director's fully dressed back. She closed the door behind her as she kept her eyes focused on Nick Fury's stiff posture. He had his hands crossed behind his back while all his attention seemed focused on the operation taking place in the room next door. He could see the procedure unfolding through the glass pane built for this purpose.

Sharon did not really know the identity of the person on the other side but she just ignored it as she turned her attention to the director."You wanted to see me, Director."

"Knowing a Jay Khallahan, Agent?" Fury said instead without ever leaving the operation of the eye.

Sharon was suddenly frozen at the mention of the familiar detective. She knew him thanks to his involvement with her roommate. Sharon had already relayed this information during previous briefings with the director. He already knew all there was to know about Danae.

Nevertheless, she supposed that her involvement with the Captain was enough to alert the man in front of her. Sharon was the first surprise when she caught Danae and Captain Rogers together. She didn't was expecting the creation of this duet practically improbable.

And yet, part of her knew that Danae was far more likely to understand the Captain and provide him with a real friend than she was. After all, she only had a distant connection with one of the Super Soldier's acquaintances.

She tried to ignore the ounce of preservation coursing through her veins as she moistened her lips before answering. "He's the detective I told you about in my previous interviews. He asks as soon as he can get the help of my roommate."

"Did she tell you about any investigation recently ?" Fury suddenly asked as he finally glanced over his shoulder, the patch-eye always present across his face.

"Not to my knowledge, no." Sharon responded by keeping her posture guarded as she could suddenly feel a bad feeling lodged in her chest. "Sir, may I ask what's the point of this meeting?"

However, the sudden sound of a static soon followed by an unknown voice flooded the room."We're about to remove the bullet. She loses a lot of blood. Her chances of survival are engaged, sir."

Sharon found herself swallowing as she glanced back at the operation behind the window. Obviously, it was not an operation of any kind.

She released her arms from behind her back as she took a step forward in the hope of getting a better look at the people behind the glass. She could strangely feel her heart speeding up in her chest as she slowly took a new step. Soon enough, she found herself right in front of the window giving her full access to what was going on.

She soon lost her posture as she finally caught a brief glimpse of the patient being treated on the table.

"Dee!" She whispered in a short breath clearly assailed by emotions as she immediately brought her trembling hand against the cold glass.

She could feel her whole body start shaking as she took a step further into the scene before her eyes. There seemed to be blood everywhere. The previously communicated hands, tools and information assail her like a tidal wave.

"Oh my god, Dee ..." She gasped in a shaking breath before casting a panicked glance at the man by her side as she could feel her emotions gathering on the edge of a breakup."What happened to her? What are they doing to her? They will save her. She can't die. She can't-"

The sudden presence of a hand on her shoulder reminded her of the superior at her side forcing her to clench her fists at her side to mask her panic. She was an Agent of the Shield; she could cash a little ... a lot ... there's way too much blood.

"Sir!" She demanded as she could already feel the tears flowing behind her eyes.

"Miss. Dimarco is getting in touch with one of our biggest enemies during an affair with the DC police." Clinically explained Fury despite the slight sub-adjacent tone of concerns for his agent. "Given her importance to the Captain, I brought in the best doctors from the Shield."

Sharon released a slight gasp at the mention of Captain Rogers before trying to take her eyes off her friend lying on an operating table.

She tried to ignore her panic as she briefly commented on the director's statement.

"One of our biggest threats?"

Fury totally ignored her question as he focused all his attention on Sharon with authority. "Do you know what the consequences might be if Captain Rogers learned that his friend was shot while he was on a mission? Your role was to control each variable to ensure the Captain's stability."

The blonde swallows under the reprimands of her superior before referring her eyes to the operation currently in court. Soon enough, one of the doctors brandished the famous bullet leaving Sharon again press her hand against the glass in worry. From what she could see, the doctors seemed to be trying to work on her left shoulder.

She swallowed to try to hide the emotion of her tone before frowning in confusion. "I don't-I don't understand. She didn't tell me anything about an ongoing investigation."

"Obviously." Concluded Fury, disappointment and clear reprimand in his tone as he turned his attention to the operation."You must correct this mistake, Agent 13. As soon as she wakes up, I'll make you the first person she sees."

Sharon struggled to give a simple nod to the director's insinuation. Obviously, he wanted her to get information about what had happened. And to be honest, Sharon also wanted those answers.

This was the first time Danae had been investigating without saying her and she did not really like the director's presence at the scene.

She knew the Shield well enough to know that there was always more than it seemed. Her grand aunt had been the first to teach her about the government organization.

* * *

_His icy eyes.  
_

_I could still feel my heart momentarily slowing down as I looked into his deadly blue eyes. They seemed dead and empty at first sight but I could detect an ounce of emotion.  
_

_It was illegible but I could feel an emotion emerge.  
_

_I swallowed as I strove to take my eyes off the shooter in a final outburst of consciousness before feeling my heart go back into a frenzy as I followed the trajectory of the rifle.  
_

_I barely had time to fully realize that I was on the other side before I let out a deafening scream as the bullet pierced my skin without pity.  
_

I let out a gasp as I climbed out of the dream far too real for my taste. I could vaguely feel and hear my heart pounding in my chest. Only it was before it awoke the agonizing pain of a recent injury.

I winced at once, clenching my teeth to prevent an swear from passing my lips before falling heavily against the surface on which I was resting. I immediately took a look on the instinct where I could feel more intensely my heart beating just to swallow as I could see a patch of red liquid soaked the once immaculate white cloth covering me. I tried to lift my hand slowly to try to reach my shoulder to test the pain despite feeling already present before realizing that a heavy surface prevented me from moving. I immediately frowned at the realization just to display an expression of annoyance as I realized that my discomfort was due to a gelled brown head of hair that looked almost black under the poor luminescent lighting of the room.

At this point, I finally realized that I was in a hospital bed and that the other occupant was none other than this idiot Khallahan.

I ignored the noise of the machines and the smell of antiseptic surrounding us as I whistled to wake the brown. I waved my arm a little numb in a sense of attention before just giving up the delicacy as I used my bad arm decorated by threads and needles to snap my fingers on his forehead.

Khallahan woke up instantly, raising a simple eyebrow as he wiped the drool on the corner of his lip before widening his eyes at the sight of my waking state. "Dee? Oh my god, Dee ... you're awake."

"No shit Sherlock." I muttered under my breath since my throat was killing me, a sign of obvious dehydration before giving him an irritated frown. "The hell happens?"

Khallahan seemed to have composed his expression in guilt."I'm really sorry, Danae. I didn't think-"

"God, stop whining like a baby. Man up!" I interrupted him dryly in a deep sense of self-consciousness.

I was severely injured and literally had to struggle not to cry right now. I was still a little numb of anesthesia and the effect of finding myself in a fucking hospital did nothing to help with my mood.

Khallahan seemed to be stopping completely to my explosion before swallowing as he took over in my condition with more control. "There was a sniper ... I think it was the one Zingler told us about. You said you had him and then ... you shouted. God, Danae, you can't know how much I regret-"

"Zingler. Is he-"

"Dead. The shooter got him right after you." Jay finally answered, nodding solemnly. "The guy was rotten but he didn't deserve to die. "

I tried to ignore the liquid flooding over my hospital gown before turning my attention to Jay as he grabbed hold of my hand."Khallahan-"

"Danae, you must listen to me." Jay interrupted gravely as he gave a nervous look at the closed door before turning his attention to me seriously. "There is something wrong. You have not been operated on by a hospital team. They had uniforms of the military style. With an eagle. Like the Shield."

I immediately frowned at this new source of information before suddenly turning my head to the left as the agreement of my door opening. I held an swear at Kate's sight in her work uniform before frowning as she paused, glancing almost alarmingly at Jay's sight.

"What are you doing here ?" The blonde slapped as she slammed the door visibly still unconscious of my waking state before she ran straight to Jay to fire him." Get out of here. You don't have the right to be here. It's reserved for the family. "

"What a family ?" I finally croaked before arching a simple eyebrow as Kate abruptly turned to me with a wide look. "To my knowledge, my entire family is dead or non-existent."

The blonde had the intelligence to look a little sorry before quickly composed her expression as she gave a new look scathing on Jay." You must leave. I have to examine her."

Jay immediately turned to me on the point of arguing but I quickly shook my head as a warning sign. I knew Kate enough to know that there was something out of character in her. She seemed almost panicked at the mere thought that Jay was with me.

I wriggled my frown in a neutral face as I watched Jay's elusive back before turning my attention to Kate as a sign of questioning. "If you didn't like the guy, you just had to say it."

"It's not funny, Danae. You got shot." The blonde reminisced in a reprimand.

That was enough to make me wince as I could still feel the blood running uncomfortably from my injury before trying to stop the flow with my hand. Kate quickly grabbed my action before widening her gaze at the sight of the blood soaking my hospital gown.

"Jesus, you reopened your points." She said, putting what I supposed to be my file on the bedside table before rushing over my shoulder to inspect the damage herself. "You've been up for barely twenty minutes. How did you manage to reopen your points?"

I watched her as I could hear the worry soaked her hard reprimand tone before trying to lighten the mood in a pathetic imitation. "I know, right? Clearly the staff leave something to be desired here."

She looked up from my wound as she paused in the process of removing my bandage before narrowing her gaze at me in boredom. In response, I just displayed my best smile despite the fatigue still hovering over my mind.

"I'll have to sew." She said in a sigh before taking the nearest stool.

I remained silent as she took out the necessary suture kit before taking a morphine syringe from the kit to insert it into one of my IV's. I could not really do anything but watch as she pulled my dress to get a better view before using the scissors to cut the thread.

"C'mon, spit it out." I declared knowingly at the sight of her frustrated pout. "I know you want to say it."

Kate lifted her judgmental eyes on me before shaking her head as she threaded a thread through the head of the needle."It's serious, Danae. You could have died. "

"Wouldn't be the first time." I asked rolling my eyes eliciting a new reaction still unknown to the blonde.

"Do you think it's time to make jokes?" She exploded severely, making my eyes widen in surprise as she finally let out a tired sigh in an attempt to control herself.

I assumed that I was not the only one who needed control at all times. Once again, I found myself thinking that there was more to Kate's personality than this poor facade of a simple nurse with no secrets. I was trying to put her reactions to the account of her plausible concern but for some reason, Jay's warning sounded in my mind.

"What kind of investigation was it anyway?" Kate questioned suddenly as she slowly pulled the thread away, making me wince. "Do you remember what happened?"

"Yeah. I was shoot." I snorted with an attitude before whistling as she pulled the wire harder."Motherfucker! Seriously? "

"Stop with sarcasm and answer the question." Kate asked in an almost impatient tone making me frown again in mistrust.

I glanced between the blonde and her hands currently working on my wound before swallowing in doubt. "It was a simple witness extraction. I was the sniper and they shot me. The End."

"Danae ..."

"That's all I can remember, okay!" I snorted in frustration as I could feel my mistrust growing on her. "And why are you insisting? You shouldn't do this shit of protection of the shocked victim? Maybe I'll have a fit if I try to remember the incident."

Kate rolled her eyes as she sealed the last point with a surgical knot before pulling back as she gave me a new look. I took my time to analyze her as I took in her strangely clean uniform and ironed to perfection before looking at my points. I could still feel the bullet piercing through the skin, ligaments and muscle before its lodged precariously in one of my veins. I had no doubt that I could have lost my life this time.

Nevertheless, it was the last of my worries right now.

I could still see the picture of the shooter in my mind just thinking about it.

_Blue eyes frozen.  
_

_A mask. __And the sound of the detonation before feeling the bullet pierce me._

"You're done ?" I asked as I suddenly straightened up before I started pulling the needles along my arms. "Good, because you're going to sign my exit form. It's out of the question that I stay here longer than necessary."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Danae, stop! Hey, stop!"She ordered, putting her hands on mine to stop me letting my head up to hold her gaze coolly. "Do you understand what happened to you? You lost a lot of blood. You can't go out."

"Like hell I can't." I hissed in indignation. "Bring me out, Kate. Okay ? Just ... let me out!"

I let a breath laboured as I could feel panic and frustration running through my veins. There were just too many windows, too many coming out ... just too much way to finish the job. I could not stay longer in this damn hospital.

Kate seemed to be wearing a total shock expression as she was taking in my totally freaked out behavior before swallowing while shaking her head. She put her hand on my biceps making me jump despite me before removing her hand almost immediately in the realization.

"You're scared." She whispered.

I swallowed as I looked at her like a deer caught in the headlights of a car before trying to compose my expression. Realizing she did not let me out so easily, I decided to resort to emotional blackmail.

"Listen, Kate ... if you really are my friend you have to let me out." I asked with a pleading look before biting my bottom lip in nervousness. "Please. "

Kate seemed to incur some internal debate as she silently took in my disheveled state. She finally let out a weak sigh, letting me gauge her in the hope as she took a bandage and a bandage to finish her care on my shoulder.

"I'll see what I can do." She said through the procedure before giving me a new side look in hesitation. "You don't really remember what happened to you?"

I supported her warm brown eyes inviting me to reveal the least of my secrets before feeling this feeling again as I saw the famous eyes of a frozen blue. For some reason, he seemed to be confusing me more than just being the shooter. It was as if I knew him.

I turned away my eyes from Kate to shake my head in the hope of wiping these eyes off my head before putting my attention on my hands.

I played absently with them in a nervous twitch before I let an uncertain breath pass my chapped lips. "It was a simple witness extraction mission that skidded, Kate. "

I knew I should tell her the truth, tell her what was on my mind but I could not help but feel suspicious. Jay had seen Shield men. I could not risk putting myself in any more danger or even putting her in danger. I had little doubt about her but in any case, it was better that I keep what had happened to me.

I finally raised my eyes on the blonde just to see her nodding in understanding. It seems like I managed to convince her for this time.

She stepped back from the bed I was on before signing the door with her thumb over her shoulder. "I will check with the doctor and see if you can be discharged as soon as possible."

"Good." I gasped in a slight sense of nervousness. "Thank you. Honestly, Kate. "

I could have seen a slight creak of guilt in her mask of sympathy making me imperceptibly frown. I watched her as she retraced her steps towards the door before disappearing again into the visibly busy corridors.

That left me to own device.

I took a moment to pay more attention to the room in which I was. There were different machines supposed to monitor my vital signs on my left side as well as an IV on the right. A bedside table on either side of my bed, I struggled to ignore the pain in my shoulder as I used a glass of water to get rid of the sandpaper sensation down my throat.

I took a sip just as my eyes cast a new glance through the huge windows on the right side of the room. I quickly rested the glass on the bedside table as I could already see more than a dozen perfect spots to shoot me. I winced at the sight as I could feel my heart speeding up in my chest before turning to the needles in my arms again. I held a grunt every time as I removed each of them except that of morphine. I removed the thick blanket from my legs before grabbing the IV containing morphine for as I laid my bare feet on the cold floor. I could already feel the chills along my limbs at the touch but I tried again to ignore my reactions.

In the simple, I concentrated only on the task of reaching the curtains framing the window to barricade me of a plausible attack. I dragged the Iv with me as I pulled the curtains up to the windowsill before taking a step back in nervousness. I could still feel my heart pounding in my chest. I could feel a deep sense of panic, frustration and anger coursing through my veins as I became fully aware of my fate.

Soon enough, I could feel moisture along my cheeks, letting me immediately bring my fingers to test the evidence. I hurriedly wiped tears in anger before immediately going to the bathroom.

At that moment, it was the most logical place to shelter. There were no huge windows that allowed me to be shot at any time.

I was quick to turn the locks into a self-preservation gesture before taking a step back as I could briefly feel my heart slowing down in a fast pace.

Finally, I took my eyes off the door to catch my breath simply to pause as I caught my reflection in the mirror. I winced at the sight of my deplorable state. Clearly, they did not really have time to clean me up.

I could see my greasy hair through the mirror and I was practically certain that the hard points were still soaked with my blood. I swallowed as I remembered that moment on the roof before feeling my legs wobble.

I quickly caught myself on the sink just to let out a hiss as I pressed my weight on my bad shoulder. I stumbled completely under the weight of pain before bringing my hand on my shoulder.

I let myself fall heavily against the toilet seat as I could feel the tears flowing freely down my cheeks. I was not struggling this time as I let myself cry until there was no strength left in me.


	14. It's mean to be

**Hey, guys,**

**I want to thank you all for reading this story. Thanks also to those who take the time to add this story to their favorites as well as take the time to leave a review.**

**It really matters to me to hear your opinions and I began to think that this story was not really appreciated. Anyway, I look forward to your advice.**

* * *

_If you fight like a married couple, talk like best friends, flirt like first love, protect each other like siblings, it's mean to be. Unknow._

* * *

Official verdict : I was cleared of the hospital with my shoulder in a scarf and a whole new dose of painkiller.

Unofficial verdict: I had left the hospital with a whole new case of paranoia and an excessive amount of new nightmares with a cold, murderous face in the eyes of a hypnotizing blue.

Honestly, I had been so crazy during the last two days that I had not even thought about Steve or even Shield. It was only when my phone was paged with a new message from the super soldier that the reality of my situation was not long in resurfacing.

Now, I tried my best to avoid Steve's slightest suggestions. I just did not feel ready to face him after what had happened to me. I knew he would ask questions and maybe even a mini-heart attack at the sight of this horrible and damned uncomfortable scarf around my neck to hold my shoulder in place.

Honestly, it was way worse than anything. I did not even know if it was not worse than the time, I took that bullet for Davis. And I did not even mention the pressure of my pairs that went with it. Kate had gone completely ballistic in her way of treating me after finding me in the bathroom of the hospital. I hated her look of concern every time she looked at me but I knew she was worried about me. She had not tried to know what had happened to me again so I assumed she was just trying to do her job in the hospital.

Anyway, it had somewhat quieted my mind that my roommate was not a plausible government spy.

On the other hand, Robbie could be quite as disturbing as a spy. If I thought that Kate's reaction had been extra, it was that I had not seen Robbie yet. She had been completely hysterical. She had also shouted a lot before crumbling under the weight of fatigue and hormones. It had been an image I could have done without.

Sam had been something else. I did not even count the number of calls I had received from the former paratrooper. I was practically certain that my phone's alert number would stay in my head for a while. The beep always seemed to be in the back of my mind. And the fact that I was under house arrest according to Kate, did not help the situation.

I sighed for probably the hundredth time in the last ten minutes as I leaned against the kitchen counter. I put my valid hand on the wrist of the one in a splint as I watched the popcorn inside the microwave. Kate was at work and I was alone with my thoughts.

I could see my phone screen flashing with Steve's call every fifteen minutes letting me bite the inside of my cheek as I was content to look each time with a feeling of guilt along my chest. There was one thing that defined Steve, he was persistent.

Again, a sigh escaped me as I turned my eyes off my screen before crossing the bridge of my nose in exhaustion. The nightmares dubbed with medication did not help my case. And to top it off, I could already feel a slight headache pointing the tip of its nose along my temples. I let a little groan under my breath as the microwave alarm rang around the silent kitchen before I straightened up.

I retrieved a bowl from one of the closets, being careful to focus on my right hand rather than the injured one before placing it next to the microwave. I was just beginning to empty the contents of the bag when several knocks against the front door made me jump again. I could already feel my heart speeding up as I stopped in my action with my wide eyes riveted on the hallway. I swallowed as I tried to regain control over my panicky thoughts.

I immediately glanced at my shaking hand as more knocks were heard soon followed by a familiar voice. "Dan? Dan, it's Steve. You're here? Dan, answer me!"

I released the breath that I seemed to hold back from the first knock before releasing my strained shoulders. I made my way out of the kitchen before going to the door in hesitation. My gaze immediately fell on my arm in a sling in a second thought.

I really did not want to face another look full of concern or even reprimands. It was really the last of my wishes. All I wanted was to take care of the mind until my paranoid thoughts became a mere humming in my head.

Nevertheless, I had avoided Steve for more than two days and I could not deny the fact that it also had to do with the fact that he had been the last face I had seen before falling into unconsciousness. I was a little embarrassed and nervous to see him again for a reason that was still elusive.

However, the agreement of his striking fist was enough to decide me.

With a hesitant step, I grabbed the handle before taking a step back as Steve stopped abruptly with his fist raised and a surprised expression in my view. Obviously, he seemed to be about to hit again.

However, his surprise soon disappeared in a wide look of anxiety as he took in my form."Dan-"

"Don't. Just don't. I'll explain everything but for that, I need you to come in and to don't ask questions." I interrupted quickly as I beckoned him in.

I did not really know if it was my request or something in my face that decided Steve but the blond finally nodded silently before entering.

I closed behind him as he stopped at the end of the hallway to take in the entirety of my apartment. I only realized now that it was the first time he had come. I had been to his apartment several times but I had always exercised a line when it came to my own place of residence. I assumed that even unconsciously I controlled this friendship.

Steve did not expect to see Danae again in such a state. Well he had to admit that he had imagined several scenarios during the last two days but he had hoped they were just that, scenarios.

Nevertheless, she had told him that she was going to explain, so he supposed that he should feel lucky.

However, he did not really realize that it was actually the first time he had entered the comfort of her apartment before he actually stepped inside. A small smile appeared on his lips as he took in the warm and functional appearance of the place before taking more in the decoration with attention.

There was a little kitchen fitted almost identical to his on his left side and in front of him was a sofa with a TV set definitely more advanced than his own. There were several frames on the walls and Zen items all over the place. He had to admit that he was intrigued by each one of them. He knew the use of some of them but some remained unknown to him.

If he paid a little more attention, he could briefly see two extra doors on the left and one on the right. He supposed that they sheltered the rooms and the bathroom.

However, his attention was soon focused again on Danae as the latter passed him by signing the couch.

"You can sit there. I was preparing popcorn before you arrived."

Steve frowned quickly as he grabbed a glimpse of the scarf around her middle again before taking a step in her direction. "I'll help you."

I gave him a dark look over my shoulder clearly against before just letting a breath of defeat pass my lips as I signaled to him to enter the kitchen. "I was almost done anyway."

"Good." Steve agreed with a happy smile making me roll my eyes as I headed for the couch as he took care of the popcorn. "So ... you want to tell me what happened? "

I sat down on the couch with a slight grimace at his question before squinting my lips as I thought about what I could say to him. Clearly, I could not really break the news that his organization was corrupt without evidence. That was enough to make me think again about the plan that I had unconsciously started to plan since my discharge at the hospital.

I knew full well that I had to drop this investigation but I was too involved for that. Not to mention that persistent dreams only reinforced my desire to discover the identity of the shooter.

_I just could not give up at the first hurdle._

Unfortunately, Steve could not be aware of this fact either. To tell the truth, he had to stay in the darkest possible. I did not want to involve him when I was trying to sink one of the only pillars holding him afloat since waking up in the modern world. I may have been a bitch, but I cared too much about him for that. Part of me knew that he could probably cash it, after all, he had woken up seventy years later.

The feeling of a new weight on the couch woke me up from my train of thought. I immediately looked at Steve just to realize that he was already watching me with sympathy.

His gaze traveled quickly between my arm in a sling and my face with his wrinkled lips leaving me arching an eyebrow in question. "I thought it was rude to watch?"

Unsurprisingly, Steve turned his eyes away with a slight pink hue along his high cheekbones leaving me smiling despite myself. I rolled my eyes, leaning in with the intention of getting the bowl on the table just to stop me with a slight frown as Steve hastened to take it.

"Okay, you seriously need to stop doing that. I was shot that shows how much I am-"

"You got shot ?" I closed my eyes at once, wrinkling my lips in a grimace at the realization of my mistake before slowly turning to Steve in his command tone. "Danae, tell me what happened."

I nonchalantly shrugged my shoulders, waving my hand to try to cover my slip. "Well, you know ... it's a pretty funny story when you think about it. I was on an investigation with Jay and then ... bam, I shot myself. Really hilarious."

I ended up with a smile as fake as the fun dancing in Steve's eyes, letting me try the expression of a lost puppy he seemed to be perfecting. Unfortunately, it did not seem to have any effect on the super soldier as he crossed his arms across his broad chest with a sharp look in my direction.

"Okay, I answered your question. Can we just ... I don't know, act like nothing and watch a movie? "

Steve immediately left a snort with attitude in disbelief. "We shot you and you expect me to act as if nothing had happened?"

"Hey, drop the attitude with me, big guy." I replied with boredom as I pointed at him with my good hand. "I can still beat you up."

Despite his obvious frustration at her lack of response, Steve could feel a slight threatening smile bending his lips as he took in her defiant expression. Any other time, he might have taken it seriously. Because let's be honest, he knew that Danae was perfectly able to punch him in the face if she felt like that. She had never been afraid of his status or even what he was. She was a strong and independent woman who didn't hesitate to use force to stand out.

It was one of the things he liked the most about her.

Hence the reason he could not really pass the fact that he had been shot at. Moreover, he felt partly guilty and somewhat hurt by the fact that he had to knock on her door to learn it. He thought they were friends.

Nevertheless, a part of him or rather an old part of him could see where Danae was coming from. He still remembered how he treated Bucky or even his mother when he had a bad day. He hated the way they treated him with pity and care as if he was about to break at the slightest cough. And to be honest, he probably could have choked on the slightest cough.

He frowned slightly at the simple memory before returning his concerned eyes to the brunette at his side. "It's just ... you're my friend, Danae."

I found myself lowering my finger to my side in a slight sense of guilt as I gauged the blond with my mouth slightly ajar. It was almost impossible to make fun of him with his expression of love-stricken puppy. Screw his perfect face.

I shook my head as I turned away my eyes before focusing my attention on the black screen of the TV as I was looking for a way to answer him with sass. It was both boring and comforting to hear him establish our connection so openly. He was becoming too comfortable with me.

_It was disconcerting honestly._

"Stop being so cheesy with me and pass me the remote instead." I mumbled under my breath.

Unaware of his smile that could illuminate any dark and sinister room, Steve picked up the remote control on the coffee table, letting me hold my arm expectantly.

However, the blond made me gauge him again with my mouth open as he took care of turning on the TV before surfing through the channels as if he really belonged to this era. I arched an eyebrow as he settled more comfortably on the couch with his arm draped nonchalantly on the back. I immediately narrowed my eyes at him in annoyance at the sight of his little corner grin.

"The hell you think you doing?"

"Me? Nothing." Steve promptly replied with a shrug of his shoulders before turning his head to me with an amused smile on his lips now."So, about this favorite movie ..."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise this time as I realized what he was implying. "Oh hell, no."

"Why? "

I managed to take the remote control from his hands during his confusion before clicking on the Netflix logo. "It's not a movie you'll love, believe me. "

In spite of everything, I knew that the movie might please Steve only a larger part was more worried about the memories it could revive.

Despite the omnipresent love story, it was too much of a reminder of Steve's past life and I was not really fit to bring him back from a panic attack.

"You don't know." Steve objected at once with a slight crease between his eyebrows."It seemed pretty interesting to me."

I rolled my eyes at his insistence as I got up from the couch with the intention of dissuading him. "It'is interesting. Great even. But not for you."

"What is it supposed to mean?" Steve asked slightly offended.

I stopped in front of the fridge to take two bottles of water before returning to the living room by giving him a slightly bored look. "Just choose another movie. Any of them."

"I have chosen. I want to watch the movie you told me about."

"God, have you ever been told how stubbornly annoying you are?" I grumbled under my breath as I handed him the extra bottle. Steve took it with a confident little smile. "Why do you insist so much anyway?"

Steve just shrugged. "Because it's your favorite movie."

Once again, I was confused by the blond's response as I quickly turned my eyes away by closing my lips in a thin line. I swallowed as I could feel a strange lightness along my chest at his care. I had never really been very touched by such a gesture of gallantry before. It was even a joke between my soldiers and me. I was a bit of a heart of stone when it came to the gestures of affection and all that was related to romanticism. Ben and I had been teased enough about this for our obvious lack of romance. Our relationship was more based on trust and this inexplicable connection.

I was trying to ignore the feeling as I could feel the tremors along my limbs again.

Instead, I was giving Steve an almost pleading look to try to make him understand. "It's not a happy movie. I don't know how you will react."

"I am not weak. I think I can cash a movie, Dan." Steve whispered with a faint, confused laugh.

I rolled my eyes at his lack of realization before dropping the subtlety. "What I want to mean is that it's your era. The war scenes are explicit. Especially that of Pearl Harbor."

There was silence as Steve finally took my words into consideration before frowning again as he gave me an uncertain look. "It's a movie about Pearl Harbor? "

"Well, that's the name of the movie so I hope so." I replied with my usual sass before feeling the itch along my fingers to put them on his shoulder. "We can look at something else. Plus, it's a bit too romantic to watch it together."

However, I tried to restrain myself since the contacts had never been very open in our friendship. It was not really my initial reaction. Honestly, I really did not know why I was reacting so with the blond.

Steve kept his frown on the Netflix movie selection in front of us before finally putting his eyes on me with determination. "I can watch it. No, I want to watch it."

I supported his determined gaze with my own uncertain look before finally giving in with a sigh. I just nodded in acceptance before turning to the screen to look for the film in my selection.

"Are you sure ?" I asked again as I signed the television with my head."It lasts more than three hours."

Steve raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Whoa ... in my time, it lasted barely an hour and a half."

"There is a lot to tell. Especially since they focus on several characters." I explained with understanding.

Steve nodded, letting me shake my head again as I could already imagine the plausible reactions of the blond.

However, I still clicked the play button before adjusting more comfortably against the couch. I put my feet covered with white low socks on the coffee table.

Steve immediately gave a disapproving look at my feet, letting me pull them off, rolling my eyes. "Such a killjoy."

Instead, I crossed my legs in Indian style before taking a handful of the bowl of popcorn placed between us.

Soon enough, the first scene with the child version of Danny and Rafe playing in the plane hangar of the blond's father appeared on the screen. I chewed silently as I risked a glance at Steve with uncertainty.

Actually, I found myself watching Steve more than the movie itself. I knew it by heart anyway, but Steve's reactions were ten times more interesting at that moment. It was strangely revelatory as I watched him smile nostalgically at the various scenes of camaraderie and friendship between Danny and Rafe. The probably heavy parallel on his mind between him and Bucky. He let out a laugh at the first interaction between Evelyn and Rafe in the enrollment center. And I almost thought I saw a slight frown as he took in Evelyn's features. I was practically sure he was thinking about Peggy right now.

Nevertheless, I was content to remain silent as I took in the strangely entertaining scene before me.

Soon enough, the military training scenes and the real events accompanying them paraded on the screen letting me take in the reaction of Steve's already seen.

He had finally clenched his fists through the film almost pushing me to reach the remote to pause. Only he caught me in his peripheral vision forcing me to focus my attention on the film. I could feel his gaze on my profile as the bar scene slid in turn leaving me smiling unconsciously in reaction. I had always enjoyed the moments of lightness in this film. To tell the truth, there was not a single moment that I hated. Except perhaps the scene where Danny and Evelyn slept together when they thought Rafe had died in battle.

A scene during which Steve had become as red as a tomato. I had the decency to look away but I was practically sure he had caught my little smile.

Far too early for my taste, the attack on Pearl Harbor scrolled on the screen leaving me to give a worried look at Steve. I had seen him tense at the first shots and the rather graphic images of the bloodbath on the screen was enough to bring him back into a dark place.

He did not really participate in the attack. He was still only a small guy from Brooklyn at the time and he had only heard the horror of the attack on a broadcast. Now he would have liked to participate in this attack to help all these people.

He had felt Danae's eyes throughout the movie, and even when the credits finally made their appearance, he could still feel her penetrating gaze gauging him expectantly. He sniffed slightly as the death of one of the characters was still on his mind. She was right, this movie was strangely too close to his own life. There were even times when he had just wanted to jump out of the couch and run away from having to face his past.

However, he had to admit that it was a very good movie. And the good times had also reminded him that everything was not as dark as he remembered.

For the first time in a while, he did not think of his past so bitterly.

Danae finally paused the image by tentatively turning to him in uncertainty. "You hated it."

This brought a new smile on his lips despite the slight tug in his chest. He also knew why it didn't seem so bitter for him anymore. And he had to thank the strong and independent woman who was at his side for that.

"I can understand why this is your favorite movie." Steve agreed with a small, sweet smile on his lips before frowning slightly. "I'm not sure I liked the love story, though."

I let a breath of laughter as I gauged the blond with appreciation. "I can't imagine why."

"They should have waited longer." Steve revealed with a deep frown that made me arch an eyebrow with interest.

I gave him a watchful look as I let my head rest against the backrest in exhaustion. "Are we still talking about the film?"

Steve exacerbated my question as he stared at me for a moment without a voice before clearing his throat. "I ... yeah, of course."

"So you tell me you didn't feel any bitterness or even anger when you heard that Peggy and Stark and all the others have evolved without you?"

"They searched for me." He said as if it were justified.

I sat up as I could suddenly see the irritated look in his eyes. I bit the inside of my cheek as I took my time to weigh my words in a sense of care for the soldier. "And then they moved on. "

"I was buried under the ice. I can't expect to wake up seventy years later to learn that they have stayed the same. " Explained Steve suddenly, raising his voice in frustration.

I had to admit that it was probably the first time Steve had been so much on the defensive with me.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "I thought we had already gone through the act of hypocrisy."

She did not know what she was talking about. Steve had been the one to handle after waking up. She could not understand.

"I'm not a bad person. I just care about others. There is nothing hypocritical about what I say."He replied seriously. Danae immediately flashed an injured look of hurt by his words.

"And I'm ?" She replied, raising the tone in her turn.

Steve felt suddenly frozen in the realization. " That's not what I said."

"Oh really?" Barked Danae as she helped herself to the sofa to sit up. "Because it sounded exactly like that. " She squeezed her valid hand to her side. "Do you think you care about people? I say that's bullshit! You compartmentalized. You bury things to avoid feeling the reality of your pain."

It was probably an exaggerated reaction but I was just damned mad at him. He had been the first to call me out about how I was managing mourning but he was no better than me. He was just hiding it better than me.

Steve got up before standing in front of me with his shoulders right to gain ground."I went under in 1945 and woke up in 2011. I think I know better than anyone what it feels."

"Oh right, because you didn't throw yourself into the first war on your way after you woke up." I replied quickly without hesitation.

"I didn't have a choice." He replied, raising his chin proudly. "Just because you can close your eyes to the world around you doesn't mean that everyone can."

"You didn't just say that ..." I exploded beyond furious now. "I was in Iraq during that fucking New York battle. While you and your gang of monsters were fighting Aliens, I was fighting for my country!"

There was a moment of tense silence between us as Steve and I entered a contest of smoking looks. I could feel the anger and adrenaline pumping at full speed along my veins. This match of cry had the gift to make me totally out of my hinges.

"You just delayed the emotions. You're just a man of the forties." I dismiss with disdain as I let my eyes take into his shape. "Well, flash info, buddy, men also feel emotions. And they're no longer afraid to show themselves as they are. "

"You don't know a shit about me!" He hissed seriously. "I was stupid to think you could understand. "

"Yeah, clearly all this was a fucking bad idea." I replied immediately, signing between him and me.

Steve left a bitter laugh at my statement. "Well, I have nothing to do here. "

"At least we agree on one thing!" I snorted in my turn with a cold smile.

He gave me a firm shake of his head as a sign of acceptance before turning his heels to the door. I remained totally motionless in my position as I listened to his steps retracting across the hallway before suddenly startled me despite me as he slammed the door of the apartment on his way.


	15. She's mad but she's magic

_She's mad but she's magic. There's no lie in her fire. Charles Bukowski_

* * *

"We need to talk. Now."

I crossed my arms over my chest as Jay jumped into his office chair before gauging me with a wide look. A slight smile threatened to break my deadly serious expression as I finally understood Jay's pleasure in bursting into my office.

"Danae?" Jay exclaimed as he leaped out of his seat giving nervous glances around the other officers surrounding him before rushing towards me. He grabbed my good arm before pulling me with him. "What are you doing here ? I thought you had to stay convalescent."

I rolled my eyes as he dragged me into one of the team rooms on the side before I stepped as he took charge of closing the door behind us before hastening to pull all the blinds to block us from view. I assumed that I was not the only one who became paranoid after our little failed mission.

Nevertheless, I did not intend to back down this time.

I was still alive and I was not going to let this unpunished act pass. Not until this mysterious blue-eyed shooter haunted my dreams. I had not had a proper night's sleep since the attack and my altercation with Steve was enough to further disrupt me.

I always felt like Steve and I were taking three steps forward and ten steps back each time. We always ended up avoiding each other at the end. It was childish, destabilizing and especially exhausting. I needed something else. I needed to find a new goal. It was obvious that giving too much importance and faith to one person was not the answer.

_Not for me in any case._

Hence the reason I immediately turned to Jay with determination this time. The latter finally pulled back of the wide windows covered with blinds before turning to me in the agitation.

"Do you have a death wish?" He muttered in irritation. "What are you doing here, Danae?"

I just arched an eyebrow in defiance before sitting on the table behind me."I want to find him."

"Uh ... what?"

I rolled my eyes at his stupidly confused expression before reiterating my request."The ghost ... I want to find him."

Khallahan seemed to have a moment of total whiteness as he gauged me with an expression of emptiness before finally giggling. I remained totally unmoved during all his little laugh before raising my eyebrows as he suddenly composed his expression in the realization.

"Wait ... you're serious!"

"Deadly." I replied with slight impatience.

Khallahan looked at me for an extra moment with that same expression of emptiness before leaving a deep sigh as he leaned against the wall next to the door. He brought his hand to his face to press his thumb and forefinger down his eyes in exhaustion. I was content to watch him all the while, waiting.

Finally, the brown raised his eyes by gently tapping his hand on his thigh as he took in my determined pace. "Let me summarize we could or couldn't have a damn government organization on our heels. You almost went there and you want to go after the one who shot you? An optimized assassin? Whoever calls himself the ghost and who might very well have had some sort of monster experience like the big green guy and your neighbor, who calls himself Captain America."

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Have you lost your damn mind?" Jay exploded as he pushed himself from the wall to stand in front of me in disbelief.

I was not about to retreat as I supported my position with my right shoulders before raising my chin proudly. "This guy could have killed me if he wanted to."

"Yes! Exactly !"

"But he didn't do it." I recalled quickly in the objection before going around him in thought."Why ? He had that look ... like ... as if he was empty from inside. I want to know why."

Jay immediately left a visibly un-entertained snort making me look over him over my shoulder. "Oh, that's quite comforting. Not at all disturbing. No, I mean you're totally right. We must absolutely look for him. Oh better, we should thank him for shooting you. And killing our freaking witness!"

I winced at his extra use of sarcasm before swiveling quickly on my heels to cross my arms over my chest. I decided to remove the scarf this morning after finally decide to act. I simply could not sit idly by when I knew that a government organization had been compromised.

Even more so when this said organization was where Steve worked. I had seen first-hand how he did not hesitate to face the danger as soon as he was ordered. Who knew what he could do if this organization ordered him.

Despite our argument, I did not want Steve to be used as a weapon.

Probably like this shooter was used. I just had that deep feeling that maybe he was not the wrong guy. Obviously, I had my reservations about him since he shot me all the same, but I also had my doubts. And I was not about to give up before going to the end of this story.

"If you want to get out of the business, I'll understand." I finally conceded how I could see how nervous he looked.

Khallahan immediately frowned as he took in my rigid position before raising his eyes to my face in annoyance. "But you will not back off."

"Nope." I agreed, leaning my head confidently.

"You probably already know that you will end up being killed." Jay stated in a state of fact.

I nodded again without losing my confidence. "It's the most plausible, yes."

"And you'll still go after these guys." Jay puffed, shaking his head as he dropped back against the table.

I watched him as he folded his right arm against his middle while he pinched the bridge of his nose with his other hand. He seemed to take a moment to think about it before silently reporting his attention to me.

"You know, I can understand your irritation now." He confessed with boredom making me smile. "Payback's a bitch."

I let out a breath of laughter as I filled the little gap between us before putting my hand on his shoulder in a sign of camaraderie.

I gave him a slight pressure as I supported his gaze before moving back more seriously. "So ... I thought why not start with traffic cameras?"

I could vaguely hear Jay grumble behind me in defeat making me smile again. I knew that I had made the right decision.

* * *

Steve had plenty of time to come down from his anger due to his frustration. Only an hour after his argument with Danae in reality.

Obviously, the gym and several sparring sessions with Natasha had been necessary.

Unfortunately, with his new head clearing, Steve could not help but realize how much he had screwed up. It was the first time that he was holding his ground in an argument with Danae and he deeply regretted it now.

The last few days had been strange and uncomfortable every time he passed her apartment. More than that, he felt deeply embarrassed for the way he had reacted.

It was probably the only thing that kept him from knocking on her door in the hope of fixing what they had. Not to mention, that he had a slight ounce of pride. Part of him wanted Danae to apologize first. After all, he had always been the only one to assure this friendship.

Part of his mind reminded him how much it was not true but he decided to ignore it.

Maybe he was still a little upset by their argument. Once again, she had not hesitated to be honest and she had cleverly pointed out faults that he would have preferred to ignore.

He was not perfect but it was never nice to hear it.

Nevertheless, he could not deny that their conversations, teasing and inner jokes were missing. He had really found a friend in Danae and he almost thought he could be ready to move in this world if she was at his side.

However, their argument had put a big drag on this advancement. And he did not even talk about the guilt he had felt when he visited Peggy the other day just to learn that Danae had visited her. At first, he was a bit protective and irritated by the intrusion of the brunette but the mere sight of Peggy's wrinkled smile was enough to make him realize how he was an idiot. Danae had certainly made a good first impression on his love of the past. He had even been surprised when she had tried to remind him of their meeting with astonishing precision.

After that, he had been sent on a new mission. It had allowed him to put a little more distance between him and Danae.

Unfortunately, it seemed to have done the opposite for Steve. As odd as it may seem to him, he was yearning for the brunette.

He let out a deep sigh as he climbed the stairs of their building with that thought still weighing on his mind.

However, his heart soon accelerated suddenly in his chest as his modified hearing could suddenly catch the sound of a door opening. He immediately raised his head in hope of coming face to face with Danae simply to quickly hide his disappointment as he met Kate's brown eyes.

He narrowed his lips as he forced a weak smile in acknowledgment before fetching his apartment keys in the back pocket of his jeans.

Danae had told him that jeans and t-shirts were more current than dress pants. Once again, he found himself wincing slightly at the brunette's reminder.

Noticing his neighbor's usual laundry basket, Steve decided to start a friendly conversation."The laundry day?"

"More like a chore that I've pushed back for too long." Kate replied with a small, friendly smile before tilting her head to the side with a slight grimace. "And also, a good distraction. "

"A distraction ?" Steve asked with a raised eyebrow under his cap.

"Well, I'm sure you've already met my roommate. She's a problem magnet." Kate explained with a slight frown visibly worried.

Steve found himself instinctively nodding at the mention of Danae's tendency to get into trouble. She had probably been in a higher risk situation than he was in the last few months and that was saying a little bit about her.

Nevertheless, it had the gift of worrying him. He had not really thought that Danae would throw her in a new investigation anytime soon. Especially not with her arm in a sling. Obviously, he was wrong.

He literally refrained from asking Kate directly what her roommate was plotting behind his back. He definitely could not find Danae hurt or worse when they were at such a precarious point in their relationship.

"Now that I think about it, it's been a while since I've seen her sneak into your apartment." Kate suddenly said, making him widen his eyes despite himself to her word choice. A fact that Kate seemed to quickly realize. "I mean, you seemed to be getting along well."

Steve winced internally at the reminder of the rocky situation they were facing before clumsily raising his shoulders. "We had a slight disagreement. "

"Oh ..." Kate breathed with a wide look of her own before immediately displaying a look of understanding. "That's why she's not here tonight. She seemed to have stopped going but I guess that explains why she went back to Alfie's house."

"You mean the bar?" Steve exclaimed at once in recognition.

Kate nodded at once with a solemn expression. "It's the first Friday of the month."

It was Steve's turn to post a solemn expression as he frowned slightly on his keys now in his hands. He silently shook his head in realization before feeling his guilt grow exponentially at the mere thought.

"Well, I should put myself in it. These clothes will not wash themselves." Announced Kate showing her laundry basket, leaving Steve nodding his head with a small, tense smile. "Have a good evening, Steve."

He started backing towards the door of his apartment while raising his hand in a bow."You too, Kate. "

The beautiful blonde gave him a new friendly smile before disappearing a little more on the stairs. He could still hear her footsteps as he entered the security of his apartment before casually throwing his keys at the top of the kitchen counter. He took off his jacket and cap on the way to the lounge before pausing at the entrance. He narrowed his lips as he thought back to his conversation with Kate before finally pulling out his phone to access the GPS app.

He had a bar to find.

* * *

"I thought I'd finally get rid of you, kid." Alfie confessed, as he was filling my glass of vodka for the third time tonight with a bored look.

I left a flat snort in response before taking the shooter between my fingers slightly numb to swallow it in one go by throwing my head back.

I immediately put the glass down on the counter before using the back of my hand to give Alfie a look. "I'm your best customer. Admit that you missed my money. "

Alfie immediately rolled his eyes as he pushed himself from the bar at the call of a customer before raising his hand with the intention of taking the bottle. In response, I hastened to catch it before him.

"I keep that. Thank you."

It drew a sigh from the old man as he shook his head.

He lifted his hands in surrender before throwing his rag over his shoulder while whispering under his breath. "Cocky smartass!"

I smirked as I filled my glass again before glancing back over my shoulder at the entire bar. Alfie's bar was one of those old vintage bars. The jukebox was available to customers. There were several benches on the side and billiard tables were in the background. There were also darts. I was probably going to finish my evening in this corner. I used to become quite competitive once drunk and it was always a pleasure to crush those poor guys who thought they could take advantage of me because I was swinging a little on my feet.

I could already feel a slight, evil smile on my lips at the mere thought.

However, I was not slow to stiffen at the sensation of being observed. I was immediately looking for the source of my nuisance simply to display a visibly unimpressed expression at the sight of the group of men in expensive costumes. It was obvious that they had nothing to do here. Their Rolex and three-piece suit were enough to indicate that they probably preferred private clubs. Nevertheless, it was regular to see these paper-scrapers venture into shady bars to try to lure weak lives. I had met enough such cases to know what they were looking for. And of course, they seemed to think that I fit their criteria.

I rolled my eyes at the mere sight of their lustful glances and their arrogant smiles lingering along my face before turning my gaze back to the bar. I took my drink ignoring the pungent smell of pure vodka before throwing my head back again as I let the liquid burn my throat.

I could already feel the effects of alcohol as my mind seemed more in a kind of numbing lullaby rather than its usual buzzing of thoughts. My movements were lazier and my sight seemed to be getting smaller and smaller since I could almost find those idiots in costumes attractive.

I shuddered at the mere thought before shaking my head to try to clear my thoughts numb. To be honest, I had not really thought about coming here tonight. I had somehow accepted that alcohol and self-pity were not going to help me.

To tell the truth, Steve was to thank for this realization.

Thought, ironically, he was one of the reasons I was here tonight. The bridge built between us lately had begun to weigh me down. To be honest, I missed our honest, witty conversations. He was the only one with whom I could really talk about Ben without feeling guilty or too devastated to even speak.

A frown soon adorned my face at the mere thought. I immediately grabbed the bottle on the side before serving me again to drink to try to numb me further. Obviously, it was not nearly enough to stop me from thinking about this frustrating old man.

Unfortunately, it gave way to another problem that I seemed to encounter. This mysterious killer with blue eyes. It was barely a week since Jay and I started looking more into the Shield files. There was obviously something fishy about this organization.

To tell the truth, Jay had noticed more alarming projects in the files that had been accessed (courtesy of Arlene).

Despite the files we had in our possession, I could not find any information about this so-called ghost. It was as if he did not even exist. I could see that Jay was even beginning to doubt his existence.

However, I knew he existed. I had his face engraved in my mind. Enough so that his damned cold blue eyes haunted my mind at inconvenient times of the day.

Taking several steps into the bar shown on his phone screen, Steve suddenly felt attacked by the music and atmosphere of the bar. The smell of beer and sweat created a mix that almost made him necessary to turn around. There were not many lights and so few were dimmed. The bar was not too packed. There was obviously a lot of regulars. He was amazed that most of the bar's customers tended more towards an aging population. Only a group of men in tie suits near the bar seemed in the ages of his appearance. He almost had a doubt of being in the right place as he let his eyes go all over the bar looking for a person.

The drunken laughter and exclamations of the visibly superior class of men attracted his attention again. He frowned slightly as he could see that the group was not only getting his attention. Obviously, their exuberance was not really to the taste of the regulars. He let his eyes drift to the bartender just to recognize the old man who had taken Danae back the other time.

The latter immediately seemed to recognize him as he nodded his head as a sign of acceptance before leaning his head to one side. Steve followed his gaze to straighten up hard at the sight of Danae leaning on the bar. She seemed to come out like a sore thumb in the crowd of regulars. There were few women in the bar and yet she seemed to be as comfortable as a fish in his bowl.

He took a moment to take in her dark and mysterious appearance. She had let her long curly hair cascade over her back over a leather jacket. A light red tank top gave a glimpse of her neckline and the curvature of her breasts. Steve quickly turned his eyes away from the realization.

However, it seemed he was the only one to look away as he was not long in catching the attention that Danae attracted despite herself.

Steve was not an idiot; he had never doubted for a moment the beauty of Danae. Especially during this famous night at the dance hall. She had that raw beauty that seemed to attract attention despite herself. She did not even try.

However, Steve soon felt a slight crease settle in between his eyebrows as he glimpsed the way the group of men looked at her. It was not with admiration and kindness but in lust and desire.

He could suddenly feel a little unfamiliar feeling build in his chest as he took in the scene in front of him. Danae seemed totally unconscious or did not care at all about the men's unhealthy attention to her.

Nevertheless, Steve was strangely feeling that sense of protection.

He had seen enough men in his youth to look at single women like that. As if they were prey.

Sufficiently disgusted and frustrated by the scene, Steve hastened to make his way through the bar. He was so focused on barricaded Danae from the sight of these men that he forgot their argument. It was only when he settled on the stool by her side that he felt embarrassment and guilt reappear.

To be honest, I had spotted him as soon as he entered. Despite his more casual and eligible outfit for the time, Steve stood out easily from a crowd. With his broad stature and visibly submerged expression, he was like a sore thumb among the crowd.

I had a moment of surprise at his sight before quickly composing my expression in the boredom. It was probably my fault. By dint of thinking of him, I ended up driving him directly to me.

I knew it probably had to do with Kate and her big mouth, but I could not help but blame myself. Especially since part of me seemed totally excited and ecstatic at the sight of the blond. Thought I thought it was more related to the alcohol buzzing along my veins.

Any other day and I would have been suddenly attacked by a slight panic attack at the mere sight of the blond. I was not good in terms of reconciliation or even forgiveness.

Despite myself, I tightened my hold on the bottle of vodka as I was serving me again a little liquid of courage. There was no chance that I would confront the blond without being completely intoxicated.

I kept an eye on him as he seemed to walk over the bar with a determined expression before I felt a slight smile on my lips as I could suddenly feel a new pair of eyes on me.

I remained completely covered in marble under his scrutinizing gaze and held an irritated grunt as I could hear the group's conversation about me again. They seemed convinced that one of them could take me home.

I released an inaudible breath as I brought my drink to my lips just to pause as the familiar and comforting smell of Steve's perfume flooded my space.

I left a snort as he rested his muscled forearm on the counter before swallowing the contents of my glass in one go.

I put my glass hard against the counter before narrowing my eyes to Alfie as he hurried to join us. "What can I get for ya, son?"

"Ha, son!" I scoffed under my breath.

I could perfectly feel Steve's gaze on my profile at my comment before he turned to Alfie with his usual politeness. "A beer, please."

"What brand?" Alfie asked at once in his habitual tone of boredom, letting me roll my eyes as I already imagined the lost expression of the super soldier.

Of course, Steve did not know the different brands of beer. I was practically sure they had only one brand in his day.

I let a weak sigh in response before taking pity on the blond as I waved my hand in the resignation towards the old bartender. "Give him the usual, Alf."

Alfie gave a simple nod in acceptance before turning back to the bar.

"I can still order my drink alone." Announced Steve bored.

_So we were still on that. No problem, I could be as childish and unpleasant if he wanted to. Alcohol tended to make me feel my worst faults._

"Good for you." I said in the resignation.

I did not need to look at the blond to know that my answer had the desired effect. He was wide enough to encroach on my space and I could feel him stiffening in response.

"Here you go." Alfie declared as he put his beer in front of Steve before I raised my head in question as he placed another in front of me.

"I didn't order anything. "

Alfie rolled his eyes as he took a glass from the dish tray to wipe it off with his rag before pointing to the group of idiots with annoyance."I know. It's from these dickheads."

_Ah finally !_

Steve's presence was so impressive that I almost forgot about the band. The presence of the super soldier had finally fed their stupid ego to push them to start the game.

I caught a simple eyebrow on Alfie as I took the beer offered before supporting me with my free hand against the counter as I leaned over the two back legs of my stool to catch the attention of the group. These idiots immediately displayed large pompous smiles as I greeted them with my beer under Steve's incredulous eyes.

"What are you doing ?" Hissed the latter in shock.

I pulled myself back to the counter by putting the four legs of the stool on the floor to rest my attention on Steve. "What does it look like? I thank them."

"They'll think you accept their advances." Steve whispered in agitation, raising my eyebrows with slight amusement.

He seemed almost panicked at the thought of me accepting the advances of these men. It was strangely comforting and fun.

Obviously, he must have felt their intention as much as me and I could easily imagine what was going on in his little blond head. Protection was deeply embedded in his DNA. I just didn't think he could get protector with me after our argument.

"Don't get your panties in a twist. I got this, big guy."I was mischievous as I was doing a show to take a sip of the free beer.

Alfie, who seemed strangely in front of us, shook his head in disappointment at my behavior before grabbing Steve's attention as he seemed about to challenge me."Son, just don't."

Once again, I left a scoff at Alfie's deal calling Steve 'son' before deciding to start the auction. I was resting my beer on the counter so I could take off my leather jacket in a soft, languorous way.

If it had been any other night and Steve was not by my side, I would have simply ignored the band but a vindictive part of me wanted revenge on Steve. Not to mention that playing with these idiots allowed me to push back the conversation between him and me.

Everything in everything, I was winning on all points.

I hurried down the stool under Steve's confused eyes before taking the beer with a wink and a mischievous smile in his direction. The latter was almost immediately seized with spasm as he swallowed his sip od beer at my obvious flirtation before he stared at me in worry as I waved my hand over my shoulder.

I was doing a show of sensually swinging my hips as I could feel more than a pair of eyes on my back before stopping in front of one of the available pool tables. I put my jacket and beer on one of the surrounding stools taking care to put my hand in my brown curls before placing the balls in the center of the triangle.

The group of men just seemed to get louder and louder at the sight of my number. They were even more stupid than I thought if they could not even see what dangerous game they were throwing at each other.

I was anything but the perfect target.

In fact, I may have been this person at some point in my youth, but I had grown up. I had learned to be loved and respected by the most extraordinary man and then I had lost him.

I was definitely not going down to their level when I had known true love.

That did not stop me from making me want to play them once and for all.

Steve did not honestly know what he should do in the current situation. Danae was obviously drunk but she still seemed to have that ounce of control. And even a slightly disturbing tip of mischief in her eyes. Obviously, she was not so ignorant of the group of men looking at her as a kind of prize.

He took the napkin that Alfie handed him to wipe the liquid down his chin before giving Danae another anxious look. He could see that she was doing each of her actions with a particular intent and he could not deny that he could feel oddly attracted and bewitched by the way she swung her hips.

However, the lively and disgusting conversation between the men on his side was enough to keep him on the ground. Kate was right. Danae was a problem magnet and she now seemed to be enjoying herself in a plausible dangerous situation. He could not really help feeling a deep frustration at her carelessness.

"You'd better join her, kid before one of those morons do it." Alfie advised, leaving Steve to watch him as he signed the restless band."They seem to be bad news."

Steve nodded in agreement before taking his beer to Danae. He was still shocked that they dared to offer her a beer when it was obvious that he was with her. It was clear that they did not shrink from anything.

It was not a problem. Steve assumed that he would have to clarify things with a little more force.

Danae seemed to feel his presence even before he could announce himself as she handed him one of the cues with a sweet smile. "A little game, Captain?"

Steve found himself frozen in place in response to her obvious flirtation. It seems she was not only playing with the men of the bar. And she was amazingly good at it. It was a part of herself that he had never been able to see before and he was strangely intrigued by this new facet.

Obviously, she knew what she was doing.

He found himself unconsciously smiling as he took the cue stick she handed him before fighting the blush along his cheeks as she gave him a new wink. He could still hear the conversation of the men through his hearing, but he was somewhat relieved at the agreement of their hesitation. They wondered between whispered drunk if Danae was worth it to face a guy like him.

Just for the effect, Steve sat up confidently before turning back to Danae just to look away as she leaned over to break. He avoided the bird's eye view on her back and stepped on the side to see with surprise that she had already returned two balls.

He was right about this ounce of control. She was not as drunk as she let it appear.

"So? Do you plan to keep looking at me all night or play, old man?" Teased Danae standing on the side to retrieve her beer.

Steve raised an eyebrow at her obvious challenge before leaving a smile despite himself as he placed himself against the table with an ounce of competition. "You're going to regret it."

Danae immediately gave a scoff to his confidence before he ran out of his mouth as Steve got his first ball. Then another and another and another one. Steve straightened himself around the table while sending an amused smile in Danae's direction.

"It's the luck of the beginner. Yep, just lucky."

Steve let out a breath of laughter as he focused on a new ball. Honestly, he took too much pleasure in this simple game to confess to Danae that he owed his skills to the serum. He was enjoying too much of this new moment together to ruin it. He doubted she would take it well.

He positioned himself to retract a new ball by closing an eye to aim before making the mistake of watching Danae. The latter was on the other side of the table with her hands resting flat on each side. From his position, he had a perfect view in her plunging neckline. He widened his eyes for a moment in shock before quickly turning his eyes in embarrassment. Unfortunately, it concentrated enough to miss his shot leaving Danae jump in the win.

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes! " She exclaimed in a little victory dance before pointing at him with mischief. "The victory of the body over the matter."

Steve immediately shrinks his eyes on the brunette in the realization before shaking his head with a sigh of disappointment.

"Oh my, Cap. Take a chill pill." Danae confided teasingly before placing herself to play. She paused as she gave him a sly look. "If you get bored, I'll have to play with one of these guys."

Steve frowned at the suggestion as he glanced at the group at the bar, who always seemed to have an eye on Danae. He narrowed his lips in annoyance before turning his attention back to the brunette. She arched an eyebrow with a smirk.

For good measure, Steve stepped forward a bit more to hide her from view before watching as she returned to the balls. He had to admit that she was quite talented. And this even in her condition.

Finally, she missed her shot with a hissing whistle before standing up and beckoning him to resume the game. She stood by his side to get her beer back in all innocence, leaving Steve pause in suspicion. He gave a side look on the brunette who hastened to look away with a small smile leaving him smiling.

He looked back at the ball of his choice before letting Danae have it as he intentionally missed it.

He mimicked her little hiss of disappointment before shrugging his shoulders as he turned to her. "We must believe that it was luck after all. "

However, Danae narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion before pointing at him with her beer."Did you do it on purpose? "

"What? No? "

The brunette immediately rolled her eyes as she exchanged her beer for her cue before turning around the table to shoot. "You totally did it."

She returned her chosen ball before standing up leaning against her cue as she focused her attention on him. Steve found himself raising his eyebrows at her sudden change of personality.

"I will not apologize. I don't apologize." She announced, leaving Steve slightly frowning,"But ... we both said things we probably didn't think so ... I said we forget that argument."

Steve lowered his eyes on the game between them in the reflection before quickly raising his eyes on the brunette without really thinking.

Obviously, it was the best she had to offer and even if he hoped for a little more, he was not going to back down in front of a plausible olive branch.

He nodded in acceptance before letting a slight smile on his lips. "Do you plan to play now or watch me all night? "

"Smooth, Rogers." Danae chuckled as she focused again on the game.

The billiard game ended with four wins for Steve and two for Danae. To the biggest discontent of the brunette obviously.

She threatened to find a playmate easier to pluck (her words, not Steve's), but she seemed barely able to stand on her feet at this point. She had called Alfie several times during their game and Steve realized only now that he should have been more careful about her drinking. There were at least four bottles of beer around the pool and he did not even count the number of vodka glasses she had had to take in the meantime.

"Steeeeve!" Danae moaned, letting him look with an amused smile as she leaned against one of the stools with her head between her hands.

She applied a slight pressure against her cheeks giving her an even younger look. He shook his head at the sight before stepping towards her to try to tame her electric hair.

However, he found himself stuck in his action as Danae looked up to look at him with a small smile. He took in the depths of her brown eyes with a golden point while swallowing. The color contrast was mysteriously mesmerizing. He moistened his lips as he let his eyes get deeper into her doll face before leaving a small smile on his lips.

He pulled out his hand to help her hold it before gently putting his jacket over her shoulders to barricade her of the cold. Danae clung almost instantly to his elbow, letting his eyes drop to the top of her head in slight surprise.

However, it was enough to see her expression almost asleep to withdraw his arm. Instead, he pulled her to his side so he could support her at the waist before making their way to the bar.

Alfie hastened to join them with a look at Danae as Steve pulled out a wad of note to cover the drinks of the evening."Did you finally succeed to exhausted her? "

"It seems like it." Steve replied with a small smile as he could see the affection dancing in the old man's eyes as he looked at Danae.

Alfie nodded with a small smile before turning his attention back to Steve as he took his money. "You're careful to bring her home."

"Absolutely, sir."

Steve took the change before stabilizing Danae again to make his way to the exit. He unconsciously tightened his hold on the brunette as they passed the famous group of men beyond drunkenness at this stage of the night before making their way down the street.

The fresh air had the gift of waking Danae as she straightened herself by gripping the edges of her jacket to warm up. "Damn, it's c-cold as fuck!"

Steve let out a laugh as he pulled off his jacket before handing it to her. The brunette didn't hesitate for a second to take it of his hands before putting the jacket in the eagerness. A slight sigh of contentment pass her lips as she took advantage of the new heat source before giving him a broad smile.

Steve shook his head, smiling in turn before resuming their walk, being careful to watch Danae's footsteps.

The latter was missing many times to enter passersby and Steve had to make sure to get her out of the way every time. In the end, he just kept her on his side as she embarked on a drunken ramble. He did not understand half of what she was saying, but he thought he heard something about Khallahan and Ghost.

He did not really know what she was talking about, but he decided to put that on her high alcohol consumption.

Finally, Steve couldn't be more relieved as they reached their shared hallway. He thought of looking for her keys to help her back into her apartment before remembering Kate's presence.

So he just knock, keeping Danae in his side. She looked really tiny in his jacket and he found himself smiling again at the sight of her half-asleep expression.

At least it was until he heard the sound of footsteps coming from the other side of the door. He straightened into self-consciousness before displaying a desolate expression as it was obvious that he had just woken up the blonde in front of him. If the bags due to lack of sleep and the yawn of the blonde were not obvious, her pajamas were enough to just disassemble him. He could not feel even more guilty. He should have just taken the couch and let Danae sleep in his bed.

"Hi!" He greeted softly.

Unlike Danae who left a burst of joy at the sight of her roommate. "Kate! My sweet, sweet little nurse Kate!"

She pushed Steve in her path as she made a straight line to the blonde before surprising her as she threw herself on her neck. Kate immediately let go of the door to remain stable before staying still under the strange act of her friend. It was an obvious fact that Danae was not strong on physical contact. But it seems like drunk Danae was a different story.

"Oh my god, how much did you have to drink?" She asked, leaving Steve grimacing at the mere thought.

Danae pulled away visibly cheerful at the question before she began counting on her fingers with a deep, serious frown. "Uh, I drank six glasses of vodka before Steve ... then five beers after Steve and uh ... 1, 2, 3-"

Steve's eyes widened as he realized how much she really had to drink tonight. He really should have watched more of her consumption.

"Christ!" Kate whispered in response before taking Danae's wrist to pull her into the apartment with a reprimanded look. "You should be dead at this point."

"Dead? Dead. I don't know, mom. Am I dead?"

Kate pinched the bridge of her nose in response as she watched as Danae stumbled to the kitchen before remembering their neighbor's presence with a small smirk. "I guess you have to settle your little disagreement."

Steve gave a shy little smile in response, leaving Kate shaking her head with amusement. However, she soon jumped at the understanding of the din coming from the kitchen.

"Everything is under control ! I repeat ... I repeat what already?" Hailed Danae drunk and hoarse voice before continuing her search."Chocolate. Choc-choco-chocolate. Where are you?"

Kate rolled her eyes to her friend and roommate's antiques before turning back to Steve. "I'd better go help her."

"Yeah." Steve agreed as he gave a slight, worried look inside the apartment. "She'll probably have a hell of a hangover tomorrow morning."

"I'll take care of her." Assured Kate with a small smile amused at the blond's concern before stepping back to close the door. "Thank you for bringing her back."

"No problem. She's my friend."

Kate nodded with that smirk still in place before closing the door for good. Even as she slid on Kate's cover of the nurse, Sharon still smiled slightly. Not for the blond but for the brunette who was currently sitting on the floor with her face stained with chocolate.

Danae was going to be so sorry for the evening when she was going to wake up tomorrow morning.


	16. More than friends but less than a couple

_"We're more than friends but less than a couple." Unknow_

* * *

Two was what had been needed before coming across information worthy of the name. And what information.

I had before me now all the names of the victims of the ghost aka the soldier of the winter. It was a weapon recruited, or rather kidnapped in my opinion, which had been lobotomized and on which we had experimented during the second world war. In fact, it was Hydra's second try to recreate the super-serum that transformed Steve.

_Yes, Hydra. A 40's German division that Steve and his Howling Commandos fought. Apparently, Steve's sacrifice had not eradicated the division as he thought._

Again, this explained the connotation with the head of Hydra and the logo of the German division. Cut a head and he will push back two others instead.

I had learned more about Steve and his fight in the forties during the last two weeks than in the last two months to be around the super soldier in person.

I honestly felt like a fraud right now since I held important information that could impact the blond's life. However, I couldn't share them.

Neither with him, nor with anyone other than Jay. The detective was seriously starting to panic, especially since I finally had a real proof of the existence of the shooter.

Although it was still difficult to accept since he must have been over ninety years old. Nevertheless, my last few months with Steve made the idea much more acceptable than it was for Khallahan.

This still did not give us the identity of the winter soldier since he was referred more as a weapon in most files but I could not help but feel myself being challenged by the abused man. It was obvious that he had not suffered these tortures of his own free will. It had taken me more than two days to read all the barbaric and inhumane treatment they had inflicted upon him. That and the fact that most of his files were written in German or Russian.

I obtained my information gradually using several translation sites. It was a long and grueling process but I forced myself through. I could not give up when I finally had a breakthrough. As thin as it is.

I let a deep sigh escape as I leaned over the stock of files currently scattered on my bed to retrieve the folder containing the basic information of the Soldier of the Winter. The manila file was yellowed and aged showing its passage through the years. I forced myself not to think of how many savant madmen and barbaric men had kept this file as I held it in my hands.

I opened the cover just to come face to face with the bluish and aged photo of the soldier. Even for me it was hard to watch him as a man after all my readings describing him as a weapon. I frowned slightly as I tried to impregnate his face in my mind for a reminder. I could not reduce him to a weapon like these men.

My eyes passed on each of his characteristics with a slight fascination. Like the first time, I found myself strangely sifting under his intense blue eyes. He had the same empty expression as the last time. Only it seemed even more destabilizing. In this picture, we could see how much he was trapped. He seemed trapped inside that sort of cold room and the look in his eyes was just that, emptiness.

I narrowed my lips as I could feel my chord caught before letting my eyes get more into the picture. Surprisingly, he could easily be considered attractive. He was obviously very manly with his long dark brown hair down to his shoulder blades. A powerful jaw and a penetrating look, it was obvious that he could easily attract the female gender.

_I mean, if we liked the mysterious and dangerous kind._

However, there was more to his appearance. I could not help but feel like captivating. His emotionless expression attracted me like a kind of hypnosis. I could not help but look at him as I could suddenly feel this deep nostalgia coupled with empathy. In a way, he reminded me of a newborn baby. It was really disturbing when you thought about it. This man had no idea who he was or even his name. They lobotomized him with electroshock and even implanted him with a cybernetic arm made of strange plates of rare metal. I was not even close to understanding how much this man should suffer.

_They had really reduced him to a weapon devoid of all humanity._

It was only when several knocks against my bedroom door sounded that I realized that I had totally lost all the ounces of my surroundings. I was too encompassed in my observation of his picture to fully realize where I was.

"Dee? Everything is okay?" Hail Kate on the other side of the door making me immediately close the file in my hands in haste. "Your door is locked."

I quickly came down from my bed as I hastened to pick up all my research in a slight sense of panic. "Y-yeah ... I closed it during the night, I think."

Kate let out a mocking laugh at my confusion, letting me roll my eyes at her teasing. "Right ... you had a rather tough night, huh."

"No comment." I grumbled under my breath as I hurriedly placed Hydra's files in the false floor before resting the plank over it.

I sat up and scanned my room quickly for something that could incriminate me before leaving a soft sigh as everything seemed in order. I looked back at the door as I could still feel Kate's presence on the other side.

"Did you want something? "

"Well ... talking face to face would be nice to start."

I rolled my eyes, grimacing slightly at her comment before rushing to the door to open it."Smartass."

"That's how you treat your roommate who has spent the night off to take care of your drunk little ass?"

I leaned against the crack with my arms crossed as I took in her mocking posture with suspicion."Then what do you want now?"

"Payback." The blonde replied wickedly before showing three boxes of DVDs in her fingers making me moan in agony at the mere thought.

However, I did not really have time to refuse as she took my wrist to drag me with her in the living room. I straightened up immediately to the recall of my open room before freeing me from taking to return to closed it. It contained crucial information and I could not really leave the temptation in the open.

Honestly, curing my hangover in front of stupid rom com was not how I planned my day. Unfortunately, Kate seemed convinced that we needed or rather needed to relax.

Hence the reason why I found myself lying on our couch with my head on a pillow laying on her legs while the blonde was chewing loudly a handful of popcorn.

I shook my head at the impromptu image that had to be represented at this moment before putting my eyes back on the screen. The notebook had never really been my favorite movie. I loved the time and the dynamics but the story between the two characters were too rocky for me.

Conversely, I did not even count the times I surprised Kate pouring all the tears of her body in front of this film. Speaking of the blonde, I could already feel her tremble under me.

I rolled my eyes as I heard her sniffle before leaving a faint, unmistakable sigh."You so need to get laid."

The blonde choked on her sob to my frankness before surprising me by hitting me lightly on the shoulder."Shut up !"

"Hey, shoulder, shot, ouch!" I remember as I rubbed my shoulder still a little sensitive before shaking my head as I turned on my back to be able to look her upside down."But seriously ... I've never seen you leave the apartment except for work. In fact, I'm practically sure that you haven't slept with anyone since you moved here."

Kate immediately gave a scoff in response before looking down at me with an attitude."Look who talk."

"I have an excuse. What's yours?" I questioned as I realized again that I actually knew very little about the blonde.

At this thought, Jay's reminder resurfaced in my mind. I knew he was particularly suspicious of Kate since my hospital stay and no matter what I told him, he seemed to stay on his positions. He had to have a reason to be suspicious.

With the information occupying my room, I could not really afford to let things slide between my fingers.

I slowly straightened at this thought before crossing my legs in Indian style as I turned to have full access to her expressions. Kate raised a perfectly drawn brown eyebrow in response before putting the film on pause.

She remained silent for a moment before simply shrugging her shoulders." I don't have time."

"Ha, please, I feel like I hear Steve." I said without really thinking.

It picked the blonde's interest as she leaned to her side to face me with her raised eyebrows."Speaking of Steve, what's going on between you two?"

"Nothing." I answered immediately without a hint of hesitation before giving her a warning look at her dubious gaze. "I'm serious, Kate. Just let it go."

"It didn't sound like anything last night." She commented seriously, letting me give her a flat look. "Or even every other time. You should have seen him on the day of your investigation with the Russians. And I didn't even know you were friends at that moment."

I rolled my eyes at the reminder of his intrusion before looking away as I thought of the strange moments I had felt with Steve. Those moments had just been my mind playing tricks with my heart. Obviously, he was attractive but it was never like that between him and me. Hell, we spent most of our time talking about our lost loves. It was not really what I called a breakthrough in the territory of something more. No, Steve and I were just friends who sought solace in the other had to offer.

"Believe me, it's nothing like that between him and me." I assured myself.

I could feel her eyes on my back as I decided that I couldn't have that kind of conversation by being sober. I ducked for a beer from the fridge before turning to Kate with a second bottle for a question.

The blonde at once raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Can your liver even cash one more?"

"Don't worry about my liver. My liver is fine." I told her as I took one before making my way back to the sofa, handing her the beer."Or about Steve and me for that matter."

Kate took the fresh bottle with a nod of thanks before giving me a sharp look. "So, there is a Steve and you."

"There is no-" I let a long sigh as I pinched the bridge of my nose before giving her a sharp look. "I don't have time for that kind of thing."

"Who's the smartass now?" Kate replied at once flatly.

I just shrugged my shoulders before taking a sip of beer between my fingers. I left a grimace as I could feel my stomach making a protest sound before adjusting to the couch. I couldn't really remember the last time I had enjoyed a moment like this with Kate. We had never really gone beyond the simple relationship of knowledge rather than friends. She obviously knew my routine and my eating habits but it was never beyond appearance.

Only my nightmares and cries during the night had given her a brief glimpse of who I had been from the person I had become.

"How is he ?" The blonde suddenly asked, raising my eyebrows in confusion. "Steve, I mean ..."

I frowned visibly puzzled before shrugging my shoulders. "A man, a soldier. Like everyone else."

"That's not what I meant." The blonde insisted with a roll of her eyes to my dense mind. "I was talking about his introduction to the modern world. His ability to live among us."

I nodded in understanding before turning away my eyes again. I was thinking about Steve's evolution since we met and could not help but feel a slight sense of pride in my chest. Even though he was immensely helping me overcome my grief over Ben's loss, I knew he was also getting support from me. We had our differences but, in the end, it was for the good. We just knew how to push the buttons of each other.

We knew that it was by pushing us back into our entrenchments, blocking us in a corner that we were getting the truth from each other.

It was our defense mechanism and we were once again more similar than we had imagined. Nevertheless, I could easily see a kind of schema taking shape for a while.

Even though we were similar, there was a kind of complementarity in our dynamics. And I knew that if I did not have so many secrets for him then it could be much more.

However, I could not involve Steve. He had become too important for me.

I had to find this mysterious winter soldier and discover the true story about him. Disassemble Steve's corrupt employers would be a plus obviously.

The simple thought was enough to make me lose any ounce of interest in this little get together that Kate had planned. I still had a lot to read and do to approach my goal. It was not really the moment to be distracted. So with an excuse for the blonde by my side, I put the half-filled beer on the coffee table before closing me again in the security of my room. I still had a lot of files to decode before my next meeting with Jay.

* * *

"I went back to the museum you know."

I paused in my bite of pizza as I gave Steve all my attention to this new information.

I put the pizza in its box before rubbing my hands on a towel, shaking my head. "And?"

"I didn't have a crisis this time. I just felt ... "Steve frowned as he tried to decipher what he had felt before nodding his head as he seemed to decide."Nostalgia."

I wrinkled my lips in a thin line as I took in his explanation before leaning against the wall of the roof again. Between all my research and my involvement in this investigation, I almost forgot that I was back on the right track with the super soldier.

However, he had been quick enough to remind me of the moment he had seen me in the hallway. He was planning to order a pizza and it was honestly all he had to say to convince me.

Now we were on the roof with two boxes of pizza between us and a surprisingly comfortable silence despite our topic of conversation.

"You could have asked me to accompany you." I said solicitously before forcing a small smile on my lips as he turned to me slightly surprised. "It wouldn't have bothered me to see this little guy from Brooklyn again."

Steve gave a snort of amusement to my hint before returning his eyes to the sunset plunging the city into a mixture of almost poetic color. I could see his fingers tapping distractedly along his thigh dressed in jeans. Obviously, the artist in him itched to capture this moment in a blank page.

A fact he was not slow to fill as he suddenly pulled out his famous drawing pad before giving me an uncertain look. "Do you mind if I draw?"

"Please, do what you like. We're in a free country, Steve." I replied at once in exaggeration, drawing a new breath of laughter from the blond.

He shook his head at my old joke as he began to draw the beautiful landscape before us before leaving an expression of concentration on his face. "I wanted to go by myself, you know. At the Smithsonian."

I picked up my slice of pizza as I let my eyes dance between his drawing and his face carved in marble. Honestly, I was not sure which one was the most interesting to watch. I silently nodded in understanding as I took a bite out of my pizza before chewing in thought. I ended up swallowing my piece as I turned to the blond again.

"You didn't have a crisis so it's progress, I suppose." I conceded in slightly impressed thought. "I'm pretty sure that any soldier needs a lot more time to deal with the trigger of an attack."

Steve immediately frowned on his drawing before giving me an anxious look from the side."Do you think it was too early?"

"Well, you're special. Everyone keeps reminding me so I guess it's normal for you." I recalled with a slight frown of my own.

Steve left his pencil between the pages of his sketchbook as he gauged me with curiosity."Everyone?"

"Robbie, Davis and Kate. They don't really understand why you're just Steve for me." I explained distractedly clearly too focused on the landscape to see the small smile and the slight flush flattered on his cheeks.

I shrugged at the mere thought before taking a new bite of my pizza. I finished my share with two other mouthfuls before taking a new towel to wipe myself completely ignorant of the blond's drawing pattern change.

It was only when I paid attention to his sketchbook again that I realized he had turned a new page to start a new drawing.

My portrait.

I swallowed at the sight of my face on the white page by his expert hand before hitting his biceps lightly. "Hey, ask a girl before drawing her portrait."

"I-I- I didn't want-I want to ..." Steve swallowed visibly took the hand in the jar before giving me a slight sheepish smile."You seemed peaceful. Sorry, I will stop."

"Idiot." I gasped as I hit him in the back of his head, immediately receiving a cheeky look from the blond.

He immediately brought his hand to his head before giving me a wide look of disbelief. "Did you just-"

"Maybe? Yes? Please don't go full Captain America on me!"I pleaded falsely worried.

"You should be worried, you know." Steve warned falsely with a serious expression.

I immediately rolled my eyes to his barely credible warning before lifting my chin proudly."Please, I've always preferred the guy in tin can anyway."

To my surprise, Steve giggled at my comparison before quickly hiding his amusement in a cough. "You mean Tony, right? "

"It doesn't matter. Not a fan of your group anyway." I decided, looking away with a puerile pout.

I had to admit that I was dying to giggle at that moment. Steve's laugh made the situation extremely difficult for me.

Finally, he shook his head before resuming his drawing, letting me watch him again carefully.

There was no denying that Steve was wonderfully gifted at what he did but his face was also very distracting. I could not help but notice more and more little detail making him even more perfect for me. It was really annoying to see that he had no physical defect. Even his slightly crooked nose was an asset to him.

I remembered that he told me that he had his nose broken during one of his many beating in the alleys of his neighborhood. Clearly the little guy was not afraid of anything.

I let a small smile curl my lips at the mere thought before taking a bite of my pizza. I cheered for a moment in silence as I turned my attention to the landscape of DC. I had to admit that this view on the roof exceeded my expectations a little more each time we went up. It was always a new hue of sky, new sounds of the big city and new lights making each moment epic and worthy of memories. It was also a great distraction because I had more than one secret for the blond at my side. I swallowed with an ounce of guilt this time before resting my part as I gave Steve a whole new look.

I let the guilt envelop me as I realized that my research could very well put an end to our friendship. If he ever learned what his employers had done to this Winter Soldier. I did not even want to imagine how he would react if he learned that Hydra was still alive and that they had infiltrated his own workplace. He was just starting to adapt to this new world.

I knew that the thing to do was to tell him but I simply did not have the strength or even the courage to be the one who was going to destroy his world. And I was even more ashamed to admit that it had to do with a more selfish wish on my part.

_I was selfish. It was just who I was._

I could not imagine losing Steve. He was the only source of appeasement I had. If ever the world he knew was to collapse again ... well, I was not ready to find out.

"Something wrong?" Steve asked suddenly making me look up at his face in surprise.

"No, why? Why would there be something wrong?"

Steve gave a confused look at my nervous ramble before pointing out the obvious. "I don't know, maybe because you suddenly became silent."

"I can shut up sometimes, you know." I replied with a small smirk before pointing to his drawing. "You're so good that it makes me sick. Honestly, it shouldn't even be allowed. Beautiful and talented. Nope, forbidden."

Steve let a chest laugh pass between his lips to my jab before throwing his head back, letting me roll my eyes with a small amused smile. I looked at him again with slight admiration as he seemed more beautiful when he laughed.

I frowned at my sudden thoughtful response before shaking my head briskly to try to clear my head. It was not the type of thought a friend had about a friend.

I tried to keep my eyes on the surrounding landscape as Steve resumed his drawing before breaking the comfortable silence again.

Although comfortable on his part, I was still disturbed by my strangely uncontrollable desire to stare.

_There was something wrong with me. I didn't even drink._

"You went to see Peggy the other day. "

It had the gift of getting me out of my strange thoughts as I widened my eyes on the blonde in a profusion of excuses. "I swear it wasn't planned. I just came to see Alma and then I saw the door and you weren't there and- "

"Whoa, whoa, Dan ... it's okay." Steve stopped me immediately with a hand on my shoulder, letting me stiffen despite myself under his touch. A fact that Steve seemed to realize as he immediately withdrew his hand in embarrassment. "Sorry. "

I let a weak sigh at the embarrassing turn of the situation before giving him my attention again. "I can understand why you fell in love with her. She's ... strangely intimidating."

"Yeah, she is." Steve breathed with a nostalgic little smile before raising his eyes fondly on my profile. "I never told you the time I got my shield ?"

I frowned in an attempt at reminiscence before shrugging my shoulders. "I don't think so."

"It's a bit embarrassing actually." He winced making me arch an eyebrow with interest as I could see a slight blush settle down his cheeks."There was this slight misunderstanding with Private Lorraine."

"A slight misunderstanding?" I asked with a teasing smile in suspicion.

Steve rolled his eyes at my tone before clarifying in embarrassment. "I have never had any experience with women. And Howard Stark's assistant, Private Lorraine had decided to ... well, show me the recognition of the men's women of the 107th regiment I had saved?"

"Oh my God ! Look at your face ..."I chuckled in disbelief and hilarity as I pointed his face blushed. "She seems to have left a big impression. How was it ? Was it good? Wait, was that your first kiss?"

Steve immediately raised his hands to stop me before giving me a sharp look in the boredom."Peggy caught us."

"Ouch. Cockblocked, dude. "

"_Cock-cockblocked_ ? "

I rolled my eyes at his confused repetition before sweeping the subject with a wave of my hand."What happened next?"

"Well, I tried to explain the situation to her, but she blamed me for being a man like any other ..." He explained with a slight frown before giving me another embarrassed grimace. "I told her about her fondueing with Stark."

"_Fondue_?" I repeated in my confusion. "You mean like this French dish?"

"Yeeeah ... but I didn't think it was a dish at the time." He winced, making me giggle again in the realization.

This time, I was unable to control myself as I let laughter seize my body. I let the jolts in the air as I held my arm aching with laughter before supporting me with my other hand on the blond. All this time, I could see a slight, bored look on his face at my mockery before a slight smile appeared on his pink lips as he took in my childlike expression.

"Oh my, oh my-you, oof ..." I tried to catch my breath through my laughter before wearing a bright smile as I wiped tears in the corner of my eyes. "You thought fondueing meant ... oh my god, you're even more innocent than I thought. How does this friendship work? Seriously, I'm too corrupt for you."

Steve rolled his eyes at my exaggeration again before looking away in embarrassment as he took his goblet of soda.

The sight of the super soldier of another time sipping his coca on a straw made me smile more. I left a snort at the sight before taking my tumbler in my turn. If he kept making me laugh so much, I was going to finish dehydrating.

I sipped a moment in silence before feeling the blond's gaze on my profile. I kept my straw between my lips as I raised my eyebrows at his attention.

This brought a new smile on his lips as he took in my appearance before whispering under his breath. "Definitely too corrupt. "

"I heard that." I warned, pointing at him with my goblet. "Anyway, as funny as it's to hear you ridicule yourself, what does it have to do with your shield? "

"Yeah - uh- that was my second mistake." Steve asks hesitantly. "I was so excited at the sight of the vibranium shield that I forgot about our argument. I asked her what she thought about it and she shot me. "

At this point, I was convinced that he even regretted having said that memory. Obviously, he was also confiding in things he did not really want to reveal. It was interesting to know that this filter problem was coming from both sides at least.

I left a brand-new hilarious snort before nodding my head in admiration. "Yep, it's decided. Peggy Carter is my new heroine."

A new comfortable silence settled between us as Steve went back to sketching my portrait, adding a few reflections. I wrinkled my lips as I let my eyes drift from his sketchbook to his face again. I slowly took in the curvature of his neck discovered by his light T-shirt and in his powerful jaw before ending on his long brown eyelashes almost black. He had eyelashes that any girl would kill to have.

I swallowed as I could feel that strange feeling in my chest again before pressing my elbow on the little wall behind us. I supported myself with my hand against the curvature of my neck as I took more in his profile. He was wider than Ben. His was more angular and bonier while Steve was wider, in a more masculine sense.

I was quick to reprimand myself for my strange behavior before releasing a sudden shiver.

A fact that Steve suddenly seemed to realize as he raised a worried eyebrow in my direction."We should go down. It starts to cool."

"Nah, it's not a problem. I want to enjoy a little more of the view."

"Are you sure ?" Steve doubted always the first to worry about the well-being of a lady.

I rolled my eyes with a small smirk before crossing my arms over my chest to warm me up."Certainly. "

The slight creasing sound of clothing interrupted me, letting me raise an eyebrow again as I surprised Steve trying to get closer to me.

The blond froze almost instantly with a look as wide as a deer caught in the headlights of a car. He opened and closed his mouth a good many times under my vaguely inquisitive eyes before leaving a sigh unmade.

I watched him more and more amused as he frowned clearly embarrassed at his notebook page. I was not sure of his intentions at that moment but I was hoping I picked up the right signal as I would voluntarily rest on him.

I assumed there was nothing wrong with stealing some of his heat from a super soldier. I felt Steve suddenly stiffen under me as I tried to stay as comfortable as possible despite my unsuitable position. I was more suspended in the void than really on him. I was not comfortable with this kind of rapprochement.

However, Steve seemed surprisingly to take the lead for once as he raised his arm in hesitation before resting it on my shoulders. I froze in turn at his gesture before nestling more in his side clearly attracted by his heat.

_The guy was like a freaking radiator._

I was not even really paying attention as he resumed his drawing with his arm encircling me. I had no choice but to get closer to his chest with my head on his shoulder.

Nevertheless, I decided to ignore the strangely familiar feeling along my chest as I focused my attention on the sky instead.

I was totally unaware of the slight blush along the blond's cheeks or even his smirk of contentment as he took in my flower scent flooding his nostrils.

Despite everything, it was strangely pleasant. More than pleasant even, it was a moment of peace.


	17. I realized I was thinking of you

_"I realized I was thinking of you, and I began to wonder how long you'd been on my mind. Then it occured to me: Since I met you, you've never left." Unknow_

* * *

His door slammed wide open-followed closely by the bang against his wall as Danae's panicked and frustrated voice popped into his apartment. "I swear to god, if you're not here Steve I could cause great damage to your furniture!"

He immediately went out of his living room to see her close his door with more force than necessary. He raised an eyebrow at her visibly annoyed behavior before questioning a moment in his head if he had done anything to put her in that state. When he realized that he had done nothing to his knowledge, he turned his attention back to the brunette just to look wide at the sight of her appearance. A wide amused smile soon threatened to make its appearance as he let his eyes take more in her appearance.

For some reason still unknown to him, Danae was currently wearing several scrolls in her hair and a fluffy pink dressing gown. Slippers of the same color adorned her feet and her nails seemed wrapped in aluminum foil.

It was getting harder and harder for him not to giggle as she immediately crossed her arms to her chest with a pouting pout on her lips.

She pointed at him as a warning sign at the sight of his expression. "One word-"

She froze to the agreement of an opening door probably coming from her own apartment before suddenly turning to him with wide eyes. He did not even have time to question her actions as she rushed at him.

She took his wrist between her hands wrapped in the aluminum before pulling him with her in the direction of his own room. Steve felt his confusion growing exponentially as he questioned her actions. "Dan, what's going on? Why do you drag me-wait, why are we going to my room? "

"Shhhh!" She hastened to answer as she pushed him with her into a kneeling position behind his bed before giving glances between him and the door of his room."You're going to get us caught!"

Steve frowned quickly as he could already feel a slight protection instinct coming from his veins. He doubted that this was a real threat but he had been deeply trained to be wary of everything and nothing. Even though it involved his strange and currently awfully dressed neighbor exploding in his apartment to drag him into his room.

Just to be sure, Steve gave a new, more attentive look at the brunette, "Dan, are you drunk?"

"What? No! Do I look drunk to you?" She replied in an irritated whisper before rolling her eyes as he took up in her clothes again. "In fact, don't answer that."

However, he did not really have time to respond as several knocks against his front door sounded. Danae jumped like those girls in horror movies before taking his arm as he pretended to get up.

"What the hell do you think you do?"

"Uh, answer the door?" Steve found himself whispering like the brunette by his side.

Danae immediately shook her head in the objection before pulling him back forcefully at her side."It's just Robbie. If you open this door, I'm dead. "

Steve immediately raised an eyebrow at his visibly dramatic friend, letting Danae roll her eyes again. Steve just shake his head obviously still so confused before just deciding to wait for an explanation. He had finally learned that it was always better to wait with Danae. She did not really care to be jostled.

Finally, the knocks seemed to stop letting Danae release a breath she seemed to remember of breath since the first knock.

Steve missed laughing again as she stood up, straightening her dressing gown with the same serious look. The contrast was just way too comical for him. A fact she was not slow to realize as he let a snort escape him.

"Don't test me, big guy. I'm about to commit murder." She grumbled as she shook her head before whistling as one of her rollers pulled at her hair."Damn it! I hate nurses."

Steve raised his eyebrows even more intrigued now as he followed her back into his living room. He watched her sit on his couch before taking his seat on the chair next to his turntable.

"It's a pretty mean thing to say when you know their importance." Steve commented maliciously in reference to her comment on the nurses.

Danae rolled her eyes at his teasing before crossing her arms again to her chest with a petulant face. "You will not say the same thing again when they decide to play the Barbie doll with you."

"That's what happened?" Steve asked with a hint of laughter in his tone.

He was obviously amused by the scene in front of him. He did not really know what Nurse Myers-Robbie had done to Danae but it was oddly hilarious for him to see the brunette so frustrated. It was strangely satisfying to know that she could also find herself on the other side of a tease. Between them, it was generally Danae who took pleasure in pushing his buttons.

"It's worse than that!" Danae finally exclaimed, waving her arms over her current outfit."She and Davis arranged a blind date. A blind date, Steve!"

He frowned at the understanding before giving her an uncertain look."And that's a bad thing?"

"I don't know, how did you feel when Bucky organized all these double dates?" Danae replied with a slight bit of biting in her tone.

Steve winced at her tone before giving her a look of sympathy as he fully realized the situation. He was not going to lie; he hated every date Bucky had arranged for him. Not only because he was not very inclined to be rejected, but because he thought he only needed the right partner at the time. He still remembered the last date organized by Bucky. She had totally ignored him and those even when he had bought food and tried to make conversation to her. Instead, he had ended up trying to enlist in another recruiting center. With the exception that this time he had succeeded.

"Okay, hello earth? Steve? Stevie? I'm right here!" Danae snapped her fingers in his face as he seemed to be lost in his own world.

He retreated despite himself to the invasion of his space before gently taking her hand to stop the slap slightly annoying. " I'm listening to you. I'm here."

"Don't seem like it." She replied with a slight frown."Do you want to talk about it?"

She seemed to have totally lost her irritation as she gauged him expectantly. He found himself smiling again at the sight of her anxious look.

"I'm fine. You, on the other hand ... is it aluminum on your fingers?"

Danae immediately let out a long sigh as she tore off the gray paper with boredom. "It's supposed to accelerate the drying of the nail polish. If you want my opinion, it's just payback to get shot."

"You know you never told me what happened." Steve reminded with a sharp look.

"Do you really want to test my limits now?" The brunette promptly challenged again.

Steve raised his hands in surrender before giving her a question. "So ... are you going to hide here forever? "

"It seems like a good idea. "

"Dan ..."

Danae let out a long sigh as she returned to the couch, passing her manicured hand down her face. "I promised her to try."

Steve immediately gave a glance of sympathy on the brunette before bending with his elbows on his thighs. He crossed his hands between his legs with a slightly pensive look at the brunette.

He knew for a fact that she did not want to hear anything about dating. That was why he had always advocated his defense that he would start dating if she did it too. To be honest, this arrangement suited him. Although he was not really against it, he did not really feel the need since he met Danae.

It was a fact that he had come to realize that famous night at the dance hall. Danae was a true friend to him. She allowed him to be Steve Rogers instead of Captain America. He could share with her and he was not afraid to share his thoughts. It was strange how he had come to believe her in recent months when one knew how much trust was important to him.

That was probably why he did not feel excited about seeing Danae go on one of those blind dates. Not only did he know from their conversation that she was not ready but he was not sure he was ready to share her too.

Steve had to make a sudden pause as he realized the content of his thoughts. He swallowed as he looked up at his friend in pink before quickly looking away. It was probably the first time he felt this selfish thought about Danae. Or even about anyone. It was not his kind to experience that kind of feeling. And yet, he could definitely identify a slight sense of possession.

"Are you really going to go?"

Danae immediately raised her head to his question before frowning. " I don't know. I'm already dressed and about to be combed so ..."

"You're dressed?" Steve asked immediately, eyeing the dressing gown with uncertainty.

Danae rolled her eyes before reaching for the belt leaving Steve stiffening despite himself in anticipation. "Relax, grandpa. It's just too short for my taste but I'm well dressed."

To prove her point, she removed the dressing gown leaving Steve took in her outfit with a slight dryness along his throat. He was literally speechless and somewhat embarrassed as he widened his eyes at the sight of her red dress. It looked more like a tank top that had been pulled on the top of her thighs. Or rather, a dress that had been machine-worn far too many times. He was not sure which solution to choose, but he was certain that this choice of clothing was not acceptable or even imaginable during his time. Most of her limbs were exposed to the sight of all and he did not even speak of the plunging neckline showing perfectly the curvature of her breast.

He could not deny that she was divine but it was also far too bare for his innocent eyes. He left an uncomfortable cough as he turned his eyes away from the feeling of warmth along his cheeks.

"Great! And now you can't even look at me." She whispered in boredom, forcing Steve to turn his attention back to her. "Imagine the reaction of the modern type."

Steve frowned again as he ventured another look at her mini dress before shaking his head with slight annoyance. "Can't you choose your own outfit? "

"Why? Do you hint that I can't wear that kind of thing?" Danae immediately teased, letting Steve amplify his frown.

"It's not- I mean- I wouldn't want- you can wear whatever you want." He stammered visibly as he was taking on the fait accompli. "You're free to do what you like. "

"Whoa, it was like watching a train derail." Danae commented with light amusement leaving Steve give her a flat look. "You really have to learn to talk to women. It may be problematic in the future."

"I'm not the one going on a blind date." Steve retorted maliciously.

"Touché." Danae grimaced as she settled down on his couch again, resting the pink robe on her legs.

It was not perfect since the cleavage was still visible, but Steve let out a weak sigh in relief. Even he had to admit that her dress was distracting.

Danae let out another sigh as she threw her head back against the back of the couch. "God, I'm screwed."

Steve gave a laugh to her expression of martyrdom before shaking his head through his laughter. "It's just a date, Dan. "

"Ha, you have to be joking, Rogers." The brunette said as she arched an eyebrow in his direction. "Let's organize a blind date for you then."

"Please don't." Steve asked at once with a wide look at the simple idea.

It was around Danae to leave a breath of laughter. "It wouldn't be such a bad idea, you know. You could get laid."

"It was a terrible idea. And get what now?" He asked with a bad feeling at the sight of her mischievous smile.

Danae did not answer him verbally but rather suggestively raise her dark brown eyebrows instead.

He shook his head in desolation. "I'm sorry for your date."

"Don't remind me." Grumbled Danae. "Ten dollars is going to be an army veteran, because for some reason Robbie thinks I can only go out with a soldier. The uniform would be my weak point or something. Anyway, he's probably going to have more trouble than me and I'm going to drown myself in a bottle of alcohol."

Steve smiled at her description before leaving a grimace at the end of her explanation. "Are you talking about experience? "

"Do you think that's their first try?"

"Point taken." Steve agreed, grimacing before raising an eyebrow to try to lighten the mood."So, a weak point for uniforms, huh. "

Danae immediately narrowed her eyes at him teasingly before shaking her head with a sigh."You don't even imagine how hard it is to preserve your innocence, Rogers. "

"Preserve my innocence?" Scoffed Steve with slight confusion before frowning. "And what's the problem with the last name tonight?"

Suddenly, Danae got up to put on the scarlet pink bathrobe again and then dismissive him with a wave of her hand. "Don't even start with me. I'm frustrated and irritated. Anyway, I must go so ... have a nice evening, Cap."

Steve climbed back into an upright position as he recorded what she had just said before feeling his hand close around her wrist without thinking. "Wait! "

"Yes?" Danae asked as she raised a visibly confused eyebrow.

He swallowed as he took a deep look into her warm brown eyes before lowering his eyes to his hand holding her in place. He had never really noticed but she seemed infinitely small and thin next to him. He could feel a strange heat emerging from where he was holding her, letting him swallow again for quite a different reason. A slight frown appeared on his face as he tried to decipher where the heat came from before realizing he had been holding her for far too long without speaking.

He finally let out a weak sigh in the defeat as he let his hand go before transferring his eyes to her heart-shaped face taking a step back. He forced a small smile on his lips as he gently removed a roll that threatened to fall from her hair. Her dark brown curl bounced gently against her shoulder as he handed her the roll.

"You risk losing it."

"Whoa, still a gentleman, Stevie. A true savior of life." Danae teased as she took the torture tool from his hand before surprising him as she suddenly climbed on tiptoe to place a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Do your crosswords for memory, grandpa."

Steve found himself leaving a conflicting sigh at the bittersweet feeling along his chest as he heard the door of his apartment slam.

* * *

"For pity, finish me!"

"Did you say something, Miss? "

I immediately took my eyes off the restaurant facade that Robbie and Davis had apparently chosen for this blind date before giving a flat-on look at the taxi driver.

I forced a tight smile on my lips clearly annoyed by his false act of sympathy before taking my wallet out of my bag. " How much do I owe you ?"

"Twenty-three dollars. "

I handed him the tickets with interest and then picked up my wallet from my bag on the way out. I let out another sigh as I slammed the door behind me before scanning the restaurant again. However, I was not long in narrowing my eyes on the passers-by around me at their look of judgments on my outfit.

I immediately pulled the edge of my dress into self-consciousness before cursing Robbie for at least the hundredth time tonight. She was going to pay me.

Finally, I took a deep breath before taking a determined step towards the entrance of the restaurant.

_All I had to do was get in, see the guy, and ... come out again. Now it sounded like a good plan.  
_

I tried to ignore the surprisingly cozy atmosphere of the restaurant. In any other circumstance, I might have appreciated the place.

_A point for Robbie.  
_

_God, no! Danae don't be fooled!  
_

I straightened my shoulders in a determined posture as I gave a simple nod to get ready to turn around when the time came. But in the meantime, I had to pass this boring waitress. I was once again abstracting from her judgmental look as she took in my accoutrement with an arched eyebrow.

Instead, I walked to her desk with a sweet, disdainful smile. "My date is supposed to wait for me."

"Name? "

I restrained myself from rolling my eyes at her obvious rudeness before remembering to keep this bad impression for my complaints to Robbie. She was definitely going to hear me.

"Dimarco." I answered in a voice as soft and false as my smile.

She passed her glossy black-painted finger on the name of the guest list for the evening before suddenly getting up as she found mine.

She motioned me to follow her without a word but not without giving me a new look at my outfit visibly considered inappropriate.

I could feel a slight sense of anticipation settling on my shoulders as I scanned the tables quickly in search of a plausible date suitable for the couple's eyes.

_Until now, none seemed to attract my gaze._

However, what was somewhat strange was the sudden realization that I was not necessarily looking for Ben's profile. In fact, I could almost feel my chest racing in my chest as I saw a mass of blond hair and a slightly muscular back on one of the tables on my left. I found myself almost wishing that my many moments spent with a certain neighbor had convinced Robbie and Davis to try something with him.

Unfortunately, my expectations were soon replaced by confusion and slight concern as the little brunette, more like a librarian, led me in the opposite direction. I wrinkled my lips with a deep frown as I lowered my eyes to my feet locked in a pair of strapped heels.

_I was really hoping that my date would be Steve?  
_

_What was wrong with me?_

I shook my head at the fleeting and slightly disturbing thought before suddenly raising my head. I almost missed the receptionist as she stopped abruptly as she approached a table.

I took an imperceptible breath as I prepared to meet the idea of a good suitor for Robbie simply to let a broad smile curl my lips to the pleasant and especially very accommodating surprise.

"You? "

"Me?" Khallahan replied visibly confused by my strangely cheerful reaction.

I hastened to sit down as the receptionist told us that a waiter would come soon to take our order. "Oh my god, it's awesome! "

"Whoa, really? I didn't know you felt like that about me, Danae. "

"Yeah, yeah, totally. I mean it couldn't be more accommodating. "

I was barely aware of the huge misunderstanding between us as Khallahan seemed to rejoice in my reaction with slight pride. "Oh ... whoa ... I was a little nervous but you look great, Danae. Honestly, I couldn't- "

I hardly listened to him as I ducked to catch my tablet in my bag before straightening up to put on under Jay's suddenly confused eyes."... and I thought-wait, did you just take a tablet out of your bag?"

I finally raised my eyes from my screen as I finally realized the slight disappointment in his tone. " Oh yeah ? I mean you didn't think I was ... oh!"

"Okay, okay, I understand." Jay sighed, shaking his head with a smirk."I should have guessed you were going to do something like that. "

I winced in agreement before suddenly frowning as I pointed at him. "Wait, you're the thinking of a good candidate for Robbie?"

"Well, thank you. The first time was not enough, huh?" Grimaced the somewhat offended brown now. "And that was Davis's choice. He's the one who came to see me at the station."

"And you accepted?" I asked without really thinking.

The brown gave me a flat look at my lack of tact, letting my lips crinkle in a sorry smile as I suddenly became aware of his outfit.

Obviously, he was ready for a real date with me. His brown beard was clearly cut around his jaw and his full lips, his hair was ruffled and gelled to perfection in his usual disordered style and his deep blue eyes seemed illuminated under the intimate lighting of the restaurant. I let my eyes drag along his jaw for his powerful and muscular neck before leaning my head slightly to the side as his V-neck tee-shirt showed the beginning of his pecs.

He was a sight for the eyes but I found myself strangely to experience only the usual appreciation at the sight of an attractive physique. He was definitely a good candidate but I had never felt the slightest emotion towards him other than a slight physical attraction.

He was a good colleague and a friend.

I winced again as I realized my insensitivity before raising my shoulders with uncertainty as I put my tablet on the side of the table."Sorry. It's just we're friends, Jay. I just thought we were clear on this point."

"The friendzone? Really? I don't remember the last time I was put in the friendzone."Repeated the brown with a jerk of his incredulous head before pointing my tablet in defeat. "So, you come to a date with a tablet."

I nonchalantly shrugged before welcoming the change of conversation with open arms. "Well, I thought we could work more on ... you know."

Jay immediately let out a breath of incredulous laughter at my proposal before leaning into his chair as he shook his head. "I should have known. The excited smile was too pushed to be for me."

"You think he was for you?" I asked a little dubious this time.

_Did he really think that ...  
_

_Whoa, that was going to be a problem._

"Not really. I just wanted to explore this part of our relationship. And then, Selene has a new boyfriend then."

I rolled my eyes nonchalantly at the fact that he had just expressed his desire to sleep with me. That's why it could hardly be a good date for me. I could not honestly believe that Davis had thought of him.

"Do you mean your booty call Selene?" I asked at once a little insulted before rolling my eyes as he nodded his head with a smirk. "Oh great! I love the idea of being your replacement of nightstand."

Jay giggled at my obvious sarcasm.

Unfortunately, it seemed less obvious to the waiter who gave an exaggerated look at our duet. I narrowed my eyes in boredom on Jay as he giggled more laughter in the realization.

Feeling the warmth rising on my cheeks, I strove to display a facade composing as I took the menus of the grizzled man before giving a scathing look at the detective.

The latter reached for his drink between his jolts of laughter before hiding behind a cough at the sight of my eyes all but amused."Okay, okay, I feel strangely assaulted. How many times have you killed me in your head?"

"I'm at five." I answered immediately with seriousness before leaving a sigh. "Correction : six now. "

Jay lowered his hilarious smile with a smile before signing the menu on my tablet. "Can we at least eat while we work?"

"Please, yes. "


	18. Specific kind of crazy

_"They told me that to make her fall in love I had to make her laugh. But everytime she laughs I'm the one who falls in love."Unknow_

* * *

Finally, a real track.

I was excited at the thought of being able to lock myself in my office to open Arlene's e-mail. I took my lunch break when the redhead sent me a link with a message telling me that she had managed to decrypt new files of the Shield. More specifically files on the Winter Soldier.

I climbed the stairs leading to my P. I office at a running pace. I could feel my lungs screaming in protest but I was trying to keep going.  
I rushed out my keys as I finished my run in the hallway of my office before making a sudden break in the middle. A deep frown appeared on my face as I unconsciously tightened my grip on my keys at the sight of my half-open door.

I swallowed, tense as I silently watched the visibly forced door before taking a cautious step towards it. I stuck one of my keys between my middle finger and my ring finger as a weapon before reaching for the handle. I tried to steady my breath for a plausible fight before suddenly entering my office.

For the second time in ten minutes, I stopped at the sight of the redhead currently lounging in my office chair. Her booted feet to her calves lay on top of my desk as if the place belonged to her. I was not long in bringing her familiar face with the one seen on the news after the New York attack. She was that black-I don't know what.

Honestly, her title or even her identity was of little importance to me right now. All I knew was that she had broken into my office and was working for Shield.

I could feel my muscles tense as I was already preparing for a plausible counterattack even though she seemed all but about to attack me.

Nevertheless, I preferred to remain alert. If she could hold her own face to Steve then she was a threat.

I was alert to any of her movements as she nonchalantly kicked my stress ball before recovering it almost immediately. Her wide blue-gray deer eyes seemed to repeat the same motion with me.

With the exception that a slight arrogant smile soon bowed her lips as she took in the homemade weapon in my hand. "Are you going to attack me with a pair of keys?"

"The idea touched my mind." I answered without a hint of hesitation as I closed the door of my office with confidence. "After all, you broke into my office."

Her arrogant smile turned into a slight smile easily amused as she threw the ball in my direction. I let my reflexes take over as I grabbed it with one hand without ever taking my eyes off her. I almost thought I saw a slight, impressed look at my reception but it was probably a mere optical effect.

"I don't like waiting." She explained as she got up from my chair before joining me with a slight swing of her hips. She held out her hand for a handshake. "Natasha Romanoff. "

I was eyeing her hand offered warily before taking a step aside to reach the other side of my desk.

Her falsely friendly presence was enough to make me nauseous. It was obvious that she was making a huge effort to diminish her daunting aura.

The redhead leaned her head at my open ignorance of her offered hand before tilting her head to the side, slightly impressed. I assumed it was not every day that she was ignored and to be honest I was not sure it was my best move.

"Now that you have introduced yourself, will I know why you got into my office?"

The redhead seemed barely shaken as she settled in the chair in front of me with her back pressed against the left arm rest and her legs dangling on the other. She seemed the epitome of relaxed and nonchalant.

She took the stress ball from my desk again, letting me watch her movements with a slight sense of nervousness. If she had come for my research on the behalf of her employers then I was probably as good as dead. I had plenty of confidence in my hand-to-hand combat skills but I also knew when I was out of the game. That woman right in front of me was deadly and definitely over trained.

The simple mask and her nonchalant attitude showed how much she thought of a small threat that I represented for her.

"The custom is to introduce yourself when the other person presents herself."

"I'm practically sure you already know who I am." I answered immediately as I deviated for a moment my gaze on the door of my office.

A fact that touched the redhead as she arched an eyebrow perfectly drawn in my direction with the same smile amused. "You're nervous. "

"More like suspicious." I rectified as I took another casual stance. "I think it's an appropriate reaction when you find out that someone has broken into your office."

"You really don't like when we're getting into your personal space, huh." The redhead commented with a look suddenly puzzled in my direction."Interesting. "

I immediately shook my head as I could feel my famous temper resurfacing. "The fuck it's supposed to mean?"

"Wow, I don't think Steve likes that kind of language." Suddenly said the redhead making me stretch me despite me at the mention of the super soldier. I did not really know where she was going with that but part of me was a little relieved. She had not attacked me yet after all."Now I am even more curious. "

I raised my eyebrows in confusion at her more than enigmatic statement. "Really? Why?"

"I was curious. Steve seemed less uptight and ... I'm sure you know what I want to talk about." She pointed in my direction. "But now, I can see why. Which intrigues me more."

I frowned as I tried to put my thoughts back in order before shaking my hands during my request. "Wait, wait, so all this ... you ... it's about Stevie?"

"_Stevie_?" Repeated the redhead with a smirk.

"Just a nickname among so many." I explained nonchalantly before giving her a look dubious."That's really why you're here?"

The redhead arched an eyebrow in defiance before removing her legs from the arm rest to settle properly. I recoiled unconsciously in my seat to put as much gap between her and me and looked with the same defying expression as she questioned my gesture.

A slight silence passed between us as we analyzed the threat that we represented for one and the other.

Finally, a new smile bowed her red lips and I watched her short hair sweep the curvature of her neck as she tilted her head slightly to the side. "You're not what I expected. "

"And what were you waiting for?" I asked immediately with a sudden sense of protection for the blond."A frail and innocent girl from a good family whose famous Captain America would be infatuated? I mean it's the _grandpa_ we're talking about."

"He knows you call him that?" The redhead asked with a small smile.

I shrugged as I leaned more in my seat nonchalantly. "Not that he likes it but yes."

Obviously, she was not there about my research. But that did not mean that I would have to redouble my efforts to stay in the shadows.

"He trust you." She said seriously, letting me focus my attention on her as a new ounce of guilt resurfaced. "And he doesn't trust many people."

I turned away my eyes as I could feel the guilt grow along my chest. I swallowed as I tried to compose my expression not to bait the redhead. I was convinced that half of her own had a double meaning. She was establishing a fact while probably watching my reaction for a crack in my shell. She was very talented, I had to recognize it. And that was probably why she was working for the Shield.

Unfortunately for her, I did not really have a very high opinion of her organization. It meant that I was not about to leave anything in the open.

"What can I said ? I'm a person who attracts trust." I said sarcastically to change the tone of the conversation.

Nastasha Romanoff leaned back in her seat as she let a new smirk curl her full lips."Somehow, I doubt that's true."

"And you would be right. I'm a terrible person." I agreed at once before shrugging my shoulders cynically. "But what can I do? The poor man follows me everywhere like an adorable little puppy struck with love."

It would seem to be the comment of too much as she suddenly stood up with grace and agility. I immediately frowned in response as I looked again at her hips swinging sensually and disarmingly before quickly raising my eyes to her face as she paused at the door of my office.

She tilted her head as she took the handle of my door before arching an eyebrow as a question mark. "Maybe I should start following you too as a-what did you say already?"

I felt my breath get stuck in my throat before clenching my fists at my side as she let out a new amused smile at the sight of my reaction."It's a threat ? "

The redhead shrugged a shoulder to illustrate her words before pulling the door on the way out. "Take good care of our Steve, Danae."

And with that, I was once again leaving to my own device with my thoughts as my only company.

* * *

After my strange and definitely alarming encounter with the redhead, I made an extra effort to continue my investigation of the government organization. I had even waited a good hour before opening the famous mail Arlene.

As promised, the email contained a lot of information about the Winter Soldier. The list of all his victims. I had also discovered a lot of very interesting information about the famous redhead or black widow as I discovered. I was not far.

Anyway, she had been over trained and injected with a serum almost identical to that of the Winter Soldier. The files in Russian came from an institution called the Red Room. It was a kind of Russian girls' program.

Once again, I had been exposed to another barbaric face of the earth. I was still not sure that they were training girls to kill each other to find the ultimate murderer. And I did not even talk about the maternity project.

What they planned to do with the Winter soldier and all those Russian girls. They had no consideration for this man. For them, he was just an animal serving their end. I could not help but feel that gaping sorrow right through my chest when I thought back to what I had read about these women. The way they were used to deliver weapons. The pain they must have felt at each failure. It seems that they were unable to carry their children to terms. Probably because of their conditions in general.

I could already feel a thrill settling down my limbs just thinking about it.

"Dan, you okay?"

I jumped out of my little thought bubble just to blink my eyes on Steve's huge library. I swallowed as I gradually became aware of where I was before I immediately cast an innocent look over my shoulder at the blond. The latter was currently installed on his chair with his sketchbook on his large thighs.

An old record filled the comfortable silence between us.

After Romanoff's surprise visit, I was haunted by a deep sense of guilt. I had decided to try to fill that feeling by spending as much time as I could with the blond, but sometimes there was times where I lost myself again in my own mind. The pressure of this investigation coupled with this deep sense of guilt made things even more difficult between us.

Nevertheless, I struggled to display a composing front as I shrugged nonchalantly. "Yeah, I'm fine. "

"Really?" Steve questioned me again turning my attention to his many reading choices in the hope of escaping his mesmerizing bluish gaze. "Because you're unusually quiet and calm lately."

I took the first book in front of me before turning to the blond to sit on the couch."And that's a bad thing because ...? I thought you'd be the first relieved not to hear me ramble."

"You know it's a lie." The blond with a slight frown said."I like to know what you think. "

I caught a brow slightly surprised at his honesty before lying on his couch.

I bent my arm behind my head to use it as a pillow before giving a new malicious look to the blond. "Believe me, you don't want to know what I'm thinking about right now."

"Well, try me. I can surprise you." He suggested, shrugging his shoulders.

A smirk appeared on my lips as I rested the book I had chosen on my flat stomach before giving a questioning look on him. "I thought ... the serum running through your veins ... could it be passed on to your children?"

"Passed ?" He repeated with slight confusion as if he did not understand the concept.

I sat up, rolling my eyes at his confusion before shrugging my shoulders. "Well you certainly know how babies are made, right? I mean, I don't need to explain the process to you?"

"I grew up in the forties. Not in a cave, Danae." He replied at once with annoyance and slight irritation before gesticulating uncomfortably in his seat. "Anyway, why do you suddenly have that kind of thinking?"

I shook my head with a small smirk at the sight of his embarrassed expression at the mere casual mention of the word sex."Just checking. You know, since you've never had time to lose your V card and everything ..."

I did not even need to see him to know he was wearing a mortified expression as he gesticulated back into his seat. "How ... I mean I ... I could very well have-"

"No, you not." I immediately asked as I sat up in a sitting position to give him a sharp look. The blond immediately turned his eyes with a slight red halo along his cheeks. He breathed innocence. "You only kissed two girls in your life and before you asked, it was not hard to guess. It's pretty sad when you think about it, I mean sex is probably one of the best things in life. Even some men of faith, break their vows to experience this aspect of life."

"Can we just ... can you ..." He stammered as he looked away again.

"Don't talk about sex? Say the word _sex_?" I smiled with amusement at his discomfort before raising my eyebrows suggestively. "Sex, sex, sex. S-E-X ... "

At this point, his face was as red as a cherry making me laugh as I shook my head before picking up the book that had fallen on the couch at my movement. I dropped back against the back of the couch intending to let him breathe only he did not seem ready to be finished on the subject.

For a guy who hated this kind of conversation, he was on his way to being trapped in the ropes.

"Why should we talk about myself? You're the only one to go on a date." He replies with an attitude that immediately makes me rest the book on my thighs with an arched eyebrow.

"You didn't!" I exclaimed as I pointed at him slightly amused by his defiant gaze. "Please, it wasn't even a real date. Robbie and Davis stuck me with Jay."

A look of surprise passed over his face in recognition. "Jay?"

"Khallahan." I added for good measure.

Steve nodded with a slight frown before raising his eyes to me, moistening his lips in uncertainty. "So ... it wasn't a real date? "

"Please, he's my friend. Plus, I work with him most of the time."

Steve shrugged his shoulders with slight uncertainty. "Well, you could be-what did you say already? Friend sex with benefit?"

"Wow, look at you, big guy! Using modern language." I teased visibly amused by his choice of words before giving a breath of laughter."Even if we say sex friends or friends with benefits. Not both at the same time. As for Khallahan, I'm just not interested. Certainly, he's very attractive and quite my style physically but I have already had enough of my shot a nightstand. Sex for sex is less interesting than making love for me."

"Oh ..." Steve diverts, lowering his head slightly in embarrassment.

A new smirk appeared on my lips as I suddenly pointed him with my finger in mischief. "But you, on the other hand, could totally try."

"Try what ? "

"A sex friends or fuck buddies." I answered immediately before starting to plan. "Let's see what you can do ... the only girls you've ever met are Kate, Robbie-right, married and knock up, not a good idea. Or me ?"

Steve widened his eyes a little wider with each of my proposals before leaving a cough at my entry into the equation.

I frowned immediately at his reaction to me before distorting an offended pout as I pointed at him. "Hey, I'll let you know I've always had good reviews from my partners. But that's not possible. Too weird. Oh, I know ... why not this super-hot but unpleasant super spy redhead ?"

"Natasha?" Steve exclaimed at once with a frown before giving me an alert look. "How do you know her?"

I composed my expression in trouble at the memory of the redhead before crossing my arms on my chest. "She got into my office the other day. "

"She does what?" Steve repeated looking very serious suddenly.

I raised an eyebrow at his agitated reaction before raising my hands to soothe him. "Nothing extraordinary happened. I guess she just wanted to see who the new player was in the equation. Nothing serious enough to get your panties in a twist, old man."

"But it's serious, Dan. I told them to stay away. It's my life." He insisted, letting me gauge him carefully as he seemed really pissed off by the idea of the redhead in contact with me.

I grimaced slightly as I knew how much he was wrong. I probably had everything to do with the Shield. In fact, I had hacked in most of their file during the last weeks.

However, I struggled to do damage control as I hastened to bring the light conversation back to us. "So, she's not really a choice?"

"A choi-seriously, Danae?"

"Wow, the full name." I said with a somewhat bored smile.

Steve rolled his eyes with attitude to my comment, letting me point at him. "Hey, I will not drop the subject because it makes you uncomfortable. It's important. "

"Important?" Steve snorted, dubious before changing his position back into discomfort. "I don't see how important that is. There is nothing to say."

"Of course yes ! You're a free adult and fully constituted ... well, even more constituted than average ... "

I was pausing as I could still see the blond avoiding my gaze. He swallowed as the red rose to the tip of his ears. I shook my head at the innocence display. My amused smile quickly turned into a sign of sympathy as I took on more of a childlike look. It was almost disconcerting to see a man of his stature blush at the mere mention of the word sex. He was definitely something else.

"This kind of conversation makes you really uncomfortable, huh."

Steve timidly raised his eyes before clearing his throat in clumsiness making me smile more.

I shook my head as I stood up to tease him further before restraining myself from giggling as he frowned at my approach. " What are you doing ?"

"You'll see." I answered with mischief in my tone as I leaned suddenly into his personal space. I leaned on the armrests to trap him before bringing my face close to hers to feel his warm breath dance on my lips. "Do I make you uncomfortable? "

He widened his eyes in surprise at my direct movement leaving me arching an eyebrow as I saw his Adam's apple go up and down in nervousness.

However, he soon recovered quickly as he put his hand on my shoulder to push me carefully. There was only him to minimize his strength despite his obvious annoyance.

I burst into laughter as I stood up, pointing at him, hilarious. "God, you should see your face."

"Glad to see that my embarrassment amuses you." He growled.

"Oh my, you definitely need to bang one out, Cap." I replied, settling back on the couch."You're too tense. "

"I'm just not comfortable talking about that." He said, the discomfort visible on his face flushed.

I immediately raised an eyebrow somewhat offended. "Why? Because I'm a girl?"

"What? No!" He hastened to defend. "It's just… "

"Good because believe me, the girls of your time were already talking about sex. They were just less open and free for that." I assured with a firm nod. "Now ... well, try to go to a bachelor party. Especially when the bride is a very drunk Robbie. You might want to wash your mouth with soap after that."

Steve cast a mortified look at the simple picture before playing nervously with his hands. "I didn't participate in this kind of conversation."

"Please, Steve ... I thought we had gone beyond that." I interrupted him as I gave him a sharp look as I crossed my arms over my chest."I mean, you told me about Bucky and Peggy. How can this kind of conversation be worse than that?"

Steve immediately gave me a sharp look to support his argument. "It's much more intimate."

"Do you need me to tell you my first time to make you feel more confident?" I challenged, raising my brows with confidence. "What? Don't look at me like that, I'm totally okay for a hundred percent honest relationship here. Free of barrier."

I looked with a small smile more and more wide as he seemed to sink further into his seat in each of my sentences. He was silent for a moment as he took a breath before turning his attention to me seriously.

"It wasn't what interested me before." He confessed suddenly, making me straighten up in interest as he gesticulated again in discomfort and slight shame in his seat."I mean, my only goal was to find someone who wanted me as I was before the serum ..."

"And you found her." I reminded myself with a sincere little smile."Peggy already knew what to see before you even became that delicious piece of cake."

Steve blushed again at my raw talk, letting me lift my hands in surrender as he took a serious look. "The fact is that it was also against my will."

"What do you mean ? "

He took an uncertain breath. "Sex is important. It's not just about me. In my time, it was important to treat a lady properly. It was not ... casual."

Hearing him speak so respectfully and visibly convinced of his train of thought was both strange and invigorating. I never had a problem with sex. It was a subject freely discussed with my family and then growing up, I had made my own experiences. Before Ben, it was just fun. And hearing the blond talking about the act in such an idealistic way made me almost ashamed.

"Wow ... you make me look bad, Stevie." I admitted with a small smile.

The blond, unsurprisingly, raised his eyebrows in confusion. "What? Why ?"

"Well, I never had a real relationship with Ben before. They were always relations without a future or only a few months." I explained, shrugging my shoulders nostalgically before giving him another teasing smile to change the tone of the conversation. "What I'm trying to say is that you almost make me think about my vision of sex. You would be famous in a group of abstinence."

Steve left a snort in response before shaking his head with a slight smile threatening to bend his lips.

I left a little sound of victory as I pointed his face before letting me fall heavily on his couch. I positioned myself with my ankles crossed and my arm behind my head while the other rested on my stomach.

"Anyway, let's change the subject. You're obviously too prude so ..."I commented as I looked up at his ceiling in thought. "Here, ask me everything you want to know about me. "

"All I want ?" Steve asked visibly excited at the thought.

I raised a slightly suspicious eyebrow as I turned my head toward the blond. "Why do you seem excited like a child on Christmas morning?"

"Because I am." He admitted timidly, making me deepen my confused frown as he hastened to back down. "I mean, I already know a lot about you but ... well, these are things after Ben and you never talk about your life before ... your family."

"That's it ? You want me to talk to you about my family?" I asked in surprise and slight discomfort. "Believe me, there is absolutely nothing interesting."

"See? You expect me to talk to you about my sex life and then close you as soon as I tell you about your family." He argued with slight frustration.

I froze at his slightly frustrated tone as I could see his lips curl in a disappointed pout.

I chewed the inside of my cheek before countering quickly with a snap of my fingers. "It's false! I'm talking to you about Alma. She's my family."

"She's Ben's mother." He objected instantly, making me hold me in spite of myself. "You can't wait of me that I reveal myself if you don't do so much. I thought I was the hypocrite, but you talk about honesty and look at how you're doing at the mere mention of your family."

I jabbed my jaw as I could feel the guilt reappear through my slight frustration. I did not like being pushed and he knew it very well. And yet, he seemed determined to make me talk about a subject that was not even so important to start with.

Well maybe it was important but it was not like people were asking me every day about my family or rather lack of family in my life. It was another hard blow that I had to face while growing up and I did not really like to rethink it. The mere fact of being alone at just twenty-seven was not really a big pride for me.

"You never asked about it." I defended as I kept my eyes fixed on the ceiling.

I was not ready to look at him when he was already questioning my intentions. If he knew I was hiding more than just my family history.

"Well, I'm asking now." He insisted stubbornly.

I let a sigh go through my lips as I finally decided to look at him in frustration. I just arched an eyebrow as I found him with his arms crossed over his chest and his lips settled in a thin line.

I looked up at the ceiling at his deadly seriousness before taking a deep breath. "I don't really have any family anymore. I grew up in a simple family. Two parents, a little sister, Alli, short for Allison. She's two years younger than me."

"You have a sister ?" Steve wondered with a small smile before slightly frowning. "Wait ... you said you didn't have a family anymore ..."

"Mhm." I hummed as I tried to keep my eyes on the ceiling to avoid his attentive gaze."As you can see, she's not really around anymore."

Steve knew he was walking on dangerous territory with Danae. He didn't lie when he said he knew practically nothing of her life before. He did not even know she had a sister.

At the sight of her visibly closed expression, Steve decided to move on to another interrogation occupying his mind."And your parents? "

"I was fourteen when they died in the 9/11 attack."

I paused as I could feel that void again where they had once been in my chest before striving to ignore Steve's guilty voice as he paid me his respects.

"After that, Alli and I were sent to my grandmother's house. She was a widow and not very healthy to raise two teens who had just lost their family." I say with a sigh. "The country was in mourning and I was angry with the world for constantly showing the Twin Towers on the media. Alli needed a sister at that time but ... well, I guess you can see how well I'm managing grief. I ended up rebelling against authority. When I think about what I did to my grandmother and Alli ... it's no wonder she's no longer wanting to stay around."

I let a new silence accompany my revelation before starting to absently tap my fingers along my abdomen as I could feel Steve's intense gaze on my profile.

I chewed nervously inside my cheek as I could feel the buried emotions reappear. I had not really thought about my family or my grandmother for a while. A lot of things had come in the way after that and then I had met Ben. From the moment I said yes to the altar, he became my family.

I still had contact with Alli but it was more to make sure we were still alive. I knew she was working hard in a law firm and was doing her best to raise my nephew, Johnny on her own. He was the result of a toxic adolescent relationship. All I knew was that the father had flee as soon as the word _**pregnant**_ had left my sister's lips.

After that, Allie had asked to come and stay with us for a while. It was strange and incredibly uncomfortable to house my pregnant sister with Ben. However, we had finally settled into a routine and I almost hoped to reconnect with her.

Unfortunately, a deployment in Iraq put a stop to any kind of reconciliation process between her and me. Now I just made the occasional trip to Johnny's birthday and impromptu calls to get their news.

I also tried to send a check every few months to make sure they had no additional problems. I had not been a very good big sister, but I strove to do the minimum to help her in her life.

A slight frown appeared on my face as I could feel the weight of guilt on my shoulders again before sighing as I turned my attention to Steve. "What about you? Any siblings that I don't know about? "

"It was just Bucky and me." He replied with a nostalgic shrug. "My father died asphyxiated by mustard gas during the First World War and my mother worked as a nurse in the infectious disease wing to provide for our needs. In the end, that's what killed her. Tuberculosis."

"I'm sorry." I said with a small friendly smile.

Steve gave a simple nod. "It's ok."

I knew that it was even harder for him to talk about it. It had been so long for us when it was only a few years to him. And I didn't even speak of the number of mourning or disappearance he had to accept when he woke up. I was honestly appreciative of his strength of character.

"Have I already told you how much I respected your strength of character?" I suddenly revealed, obviously taking Steve by surprise. The latter raised his eyebrows in surprise with a slight blush along his cheeks. "I mean, I probably would have been good to be interned in asylum if it had happened to me. I'm not so adaptable."

Steve frowned right away despite the blush still present to my praise before shaking his head in negation. "I'm sure you could have managed. And then, I didn't really have the choice so ..."

"Still." I insisted as I gave him a sharp look. "It's obvious that you have always been a determined person. From what you told me, you never stopped fighting. Even when you knew you could die at any time, you continued to struggle. Hell, you even wanted to get involved to do what you thought was right. You must not act so modestly. Be a little selfish, dude."

This time Steve gave a little laugh to my explanation before surprising me with his admission."Where were you when I was that skinny guy from Brooklyn?"

A heavy silence accompanied his statement as I raised my eyebrows to the roots of my hair as I looked at the blond. A slight smile was soon drawn on my lips as I took in his expression half mortified and nervous by his confession. Obviously, he was expecting a kind of rejection or even teasing on my part.

However, his admission had only served to awaken a new wave of guilt. The words of this super assassin suddenly reappear in my mind.

_He trust you. And he doesn't trust many people._

At that very moment, I could not help but feel like the worst person in the world as I composed my surprise in a fake smirk. "It looks like I'm going to have to explain to you how babies are made after all."


	19. There's always some

_"There's always some emotions behind **'I don't care'** and pain behind **'it's okay'**." Unknow_

* * *

"So, about this baby shower-"

"The answer is always no." I gave a decisive glance at the brunette by my side before composing my expression with sympathy. "I don't have the time and you deserve a perfect party. Not some project to add in my planning."

"I call bullshit, Dee!" Robbie whispered as she gave a fresh stroke of paint to one of the walls of the nursery. "You're my best friend aka the best person to throw a perfect party to me."

I rolled my eyes at her insistence as I tried to paint the wall next to Robbie's one in an electric blue hue. She had bet on a decor of the space. The wall I was painting now was the only colored wall while the other four were immaculate white. The couple was still waiting for the arrival of a gravedigger to add a quote on the wall that I painted.

I could already say that this baby was going to be the most spoiling and happiest of all babies.

I applied myself to not exceed the limit before giving a look over my shoulder on the brunette already in her sixth month of pregnancy. "Is it really necessary anyway? I mean, you'll give birth in a little over three months."

"So? I want a baby shower and I will have it." She declared forcefully as she turned to me, pointing at me with her paint roller."More, you're the godmother of this baby. That kind of comes with the title of preparing this party."

I narrowed my eyes on the brunette. "Well, maybe I should have read the small print terms before accepting the contract."

"Your problem, not mine. " She replied with a smirk making me shake my head with a small smile of my own.

I dipped my roller in the paint tray again before focusing on the task again. I still had to add the fluorescent white dots to give the wall a starry sky look.

However, we were not slow to be interrupted by a light knock on the door. Robbie and I were on our feet simultaneously to face the newcomer.

"So, how goes this painting session?" Davis asked with a benevolent smile on his lips.

Robbie immediately raised an eyebrow with sass while placing her free hand on her belly more and more prominent. "I don't know, how is the construction of the cradle progressing?"

Davis immediately raised his eyebrows visibly attacked before turning to me while pointing at his hormonal wife. "What did you do to her?"

"Why it would have to be me?" I defended immediately, raising my hands in disbelief.

"It's you and you know it perfectly." Robbie replied with a side look at me. "You could have at least brought the extra volunteer I asked you."

I really could not believe we were having this conversation right now.

I immediately rested the roller in the paint tray to her allusion before crossing my arms on my chest slightly bored. "Do you think I don't know you enough to know it was just another of your plans to find out if there is anything between him and me? "

"In my defense, you spend all your time with him."

I raised my eyes to the ceiling with a sigh in response before quickly turning my attention to Davis to his confused exclamation. "Uh, who are we talking about? "

"Definitely not Khallahan if he's the one you're thinking about." I answered at once, giving him a sharp look to accompany my ever present annoyance.

Davis grimaced instantly in response as he gave a slightly nervous look at his wife.

The latter immediately rolled her eyes to his cowardice before turning back to me."Hey, he made a very good choice. I'm proud of him."

"You just gave him the attitude." I remember, jaded.

"It's our dynamic." Davis answered at once, smiling like an idiot as he walked towards his wife.

I watched the adorably disgusting couple with a disgusted grin before resuming the roll of paint to escape this horrible display of affection. I shook my head as Davis dropped a sloppy kiss against Robbie's lips before leaning over to kiss her round belly. The scene did not take long to sting a sensitive place in my chest forcing me to look away this time.

Unfortunately, Davis still seemed somewhat interested in the mystery of earlier. "So, who is the guy?"

"Oh my god, that's-"

"Nobody!" I exclaimed at once as I stared at Robbie in the slight panic. "Absolutely nobody. "

Unlike me, Davis was a real fan of the Cosplay team. And even though most people around me seemed to know who Steve was at first glance, I didn't want to start another debate about the Avengers with the sand blonde. He was rather boring and really obsessed when he was thrown. Plus, I knew one of them intimately now and I really did not want to see him fangirling on Steve.

_Yeah, awkward_.

Robbie immediately raised an eyebrow of distrust in response to my insistent gaze as the blond gauged our silent exchange with uncertainty and caution. He knew us well enough to know when he was to be sidelined.

Unfortunately, a simple flutter was all that was needed.

Robbie immediately turned on her heel to catch her husband's attention."It's Steve. Danae's _neighbor_." The brunette was stressing Steve's title letting me relax despite a sigh of relief."They have spent a lot of time together lately."

"So what? Men and women can't be friends in our time?" I replied with a shrug of my shoulders, frustrated.

Davis immediately gave a scoff to my question before giving an amused glance at his wife. He shook his head, raising his hands in surrender before making his way outside the nursery again. All the while, I was left to mentally shoot him with glare in irritation.

However, I quickly returned my attention to Robbie as I crossed my arms over my chest, being careful to keep the soaked roll of paint away from my denim overalls.

"You know he's a man. He knows what's really going on." Said Robbie signing Davis's fleeing back.

I rolled my eyes flatly before resuming my painting. "There is really nothing between him and me. Plus, I hide him far too much for that."

"Are you lying to Captain America? "

"_Steve_. His name is _Steve_." I instinctively corrected as I glanced over my shoulder with boredom. " And yes. More than you think."

"Wait, are you lying to me too?"

I paused releasing a powerful sigh before turning back on my heels to face her. "How could I lie to you if it doesn't concern you?"

"But that's concern Cap-Steve." Deduced Robbie with her eyes squinting at me in suspicion."Aka a member of the Avengers. Who's also in a government agency. And who could very well have you killed."

I took a moment to strive to hold her calculating glance before swallowing. She had all the cards in hand. I had always hated lying to her.

"I am perfectly fine." I assured myself confidently despite the slight doubt hovering in the back of my mind. "Can we leave-"

"Is that why you don't have time to prepare my baby shower?" Interrupted the brunette seriously.

I knew she was more worried about my occupation than the fact that I could not get her baby shower ready. It was her way of diminishing the gravity of my work. She had used this tactic more than I could count now.

I paused in my answer as I saw her shyly bring her hands on her belly bulging in concern.

I immediately tilted my head to the side in a new wave of guilt before turning my eyes away. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I tried to find a vague answer to not involve her further before removing my fingers from my face. I waved my hand in front of me to explain myself before ending up gently hitting my thigh in a word loss.

"Yes." I gave in a sigh before hastening to explain to her the importance of her silence. "It's big enough. An important case. Only Jay and I are working on this case. Outside of his office hours. And it may be that this involves Steve's agency."

Robbie's eyes widened at my confession before she lowered her tone in a whisper. "Are you down against the government now? It's crazy! You will be killed! And if-oh my god ... you told me about it! Will they come to me? And Davis? And the baby, and if-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey!" I exclaimed as I threw the paint roll in its tray on my way to Robbie. I grabbed her shoulders to calm her down."Hey, breathe! Breathe, Robbie! "

I hastened to do a show of breathing to force her to follow me before finally loosening my grip on her shoulders as she seemed to return to her senses. She brought her hands into the crook of my elbows to support herself before raising her frightened eyes on my face.

"You trust me ?" I asked in a controlled and calm tone to control her nervousness. "I promise you that nothing will happen to your family. You have nothing to do with this case."

Robbie took a moment to calm her breath as she took wide eyes in my expression of assurance before humming her lips in worry. "But you ... you-"

"I can protect myself." I interrupted again before freeing one of my arms to rest my hand on her belly with a small tentative smile. "And then I can't leave this child at your mercy. The simple fact that he shares your genes is already quite alarming."

"Bitch!" Breathe Robbie, still somewhat unarmed, before tightening her grip on my arm. "I forbid you to do anything stupid."

I wrinkled my lips knowing that I could not really promise her such a thing before forcing a nod.

Nevertheless, it seemed enough for the brunette as she released my arms. She tucked her hair behind her ears before creating wind with her hand. Obviously, all this had triggered one of her pregnancy symptoms.

I gave her a look of sympathy before watching for a moment the future room of her baby with a feeling of nostalgia. "You're going to be great parents."

The memory of making similar arrangements in Kate's current room was still too much in my mind.

A fact that Robbie knew first-hand as she put her hand on my shoulder to get my attention."You're really okay with all this? "

"Yeah, of course. Totally. Don't worry about me. It's your moment." I assured myself as I buried all my emotions again before returning to my side of the room. "Make the most of your time together because you will soon be three."

I picked up the roll offering my back to Robbie as I swallowed the feeling of this new weight along my chest. I could perfectly feel her warm brown eyes riveted on my back as I resumed my painting.

I thought I had convinced her enough to drop the subject but it was Robbie we were talking about. "I think he makes you feel good, you know. Your relationship with Steve. It doesn't matter what it is."

"Yeah, me too." I agreed with a shy little smile.

* * *

_Nurse and their sense of persuasion!_

I really could not believe I'd let myself be fool. One moment Robbie was talking to me about choosing a dresser for her future little one, and the second one she told me about preparing her baby shower. I had done so well until today.

_I was deeply disappointed in myself.  
_

_So weak! I know, right? So pathetic._

If I had to blame someone, I would blame fatigue. We had spent the rest of the afternoon painting the nursery and when we decided to take a break in the kitchen, we found a Davis totally overwhelmed by the construction plan. Once again. Robbie had not really been better in this department. So, the load was laid on me to finish or rather start and finish the assembly of the cradle parts. It was honestly beautiful. It was made of a brown cedar wood with a slightly elevated mattress for easy access and security.

But now I could say that I was completely and indefinitely exhausted. I even dragged my foot as I slowly climbed the stairs to my apartment. I secured the strap of my purse on my shoulder before reaching for the elastic currently holding my hair in a messy bun. I gently pulled it off, shaking my head to leave my curls free, before letting out a small sigh of satisfaction at the feeling of my relaxing scalp.

However, I was not long in suddenly raising my head to the agreement of the slamming of a door.

"Dan, hey!" Steve immediately greeted me as he hastened to join me with a broad smile.

The mere sight of the blond lit up my exhausted face in a smile and I let out a sigh of contentment. "Steve. "

However, a slight frown appeared on the blond's face as he signed my wild curls. "You ... you have a little paint on your hair."

"Oh ! Really? I helped Robbie paint the nursery." I explained quickly as I took my hair to pull them in front of my eyes, embarrassed. " Are you sure ? I don't see-"

I stopped dead mid-sentence as Steve took it for himself gently for the wick in question before bringing it to my eyes with a smile slightly amused. "Looks like you had a good time."

"It was." I answered without hesitation as I tried to pull the paint off with my nails with a slight frown distracted by the resistance. "It's been a long time since I had spent time with her. The investigation I'm working on is just completely crazy-"

"Investigation ?" I froze instantly in the realization of my mistake before quickly raising my eyes on the blond to see him frown with anxiety. "I didn't know you had started working again."

I swallowed in nervousness under his look of reprimand before trying to compose my expression in neutrality. "Well, we have to pay the bills."

"I can help you if you want to-"

"Okay, I'll stop you right now big guy." I interrupted firmly as I could already imagine where his mind was going. "I never needed a man to support me. And I don't intend to start now."

Nevertheless, Steve seemed to settle on the idea as he put his hands on his hips with solicitude."You could pay me back if you want. Honestly, I have more money than I should. I don't even know what to do with it. I have always been used to settle for little."

"Maybe you should start spoiling yourself then." I retorted with an attitude. "After all, you have given enough to be rewarded as it should be."

An amused smile curved his lips as he gave me a sharp look. "That's exactly what I'm trying to do here."

"Correction : You try to stop me from going back to work because your little male ego can't stand the thought that I'm in the way of a threat." I corrected with confidence before arching a defiant eyebrow. "I thought you were all for strong women and independent. Or was it a lie?"

Steve's eyes widened visibly took caught before opening and closing his mouth in a word loss.

I raised my chin proudly as I waited for an answer before leaving a victorious smile as he let a single sigh in the defeat. "Fine. You got me here."

"I know. I'm quite talented." I boasted confidently as I tapped lightly on his firm, muscular chest in unconsciousness.

"And very modest at that." Steve commented sarcastically, barely shaking by the touch as he let out a new smile.

These little contacts had gradually settled in our relationship. It was both disconcerting and comforting to know that we were comfortable enough with each other to initiate this kind of gesture.

I had a big smile on his return before finally realizing he was about to go out. I gave an appreciative look at his pair of slightly faded blue jeans hanging loosely at his waist before feeling a slight sense of drought along my throat at the sight of his navy-blue T-shirt perfectly marrying the prominent muscles of his bust. It was absolutely nothing extravagant, but Steve had the infamous ability to make every piece of fabric so fucking attractive.

I tried to remember who he was so as not to reveal my nasty thoughts aloud.

"So you planned to go out?" I asked instead.

"An op." Steve answered with a slight frown at the reminder. "With a little luck, I'll be back in the morning tomorrow."

I nodded in understanding before taking a step aside to reach my apartment."Well, good luck, I suppose. Oh, and watch your hips. With your old age and all that."

I was distractedly agitating my hands to go with my point before stopping in front of my door as Steve called me again with a hint of laughter in his tone. "You're never going to let it go, right?"

"Would you doubt my intentions?" I exclaimed, bringing my hand against my chest in a falsely exaggerated expression. "I only make sure to look after you."

"I'm sure you do." Steve commented in a breath of laughter.

I shrugged nonchalantly as I took in his expression of contentment. I had to admit that I was becoming more and more fond of his smile. He just had that way of smiling innocently. It was really comforting.

Soon we were just staring at each other with two big silly smiles on our faces. I tilted my head to the side as I took more in his face to show anxiety or even responsibility. It was nice to see him like that.

However, the silent spell was soon broken as I could suddenly feel my phone vibrating in the back pocket of my overalls. I hastened to take my eyes off his azure blue eyes to retrieve my phone before rolling my eyes at the sight of Robbie's message.

"Something wrong?" Steve asked at once, instinctively taking a step in my direction.

"No, it's just Robbie rubbing in my face the fact that she managed to fool me into agreeing to prepare her baby shower. "

Steve raised his eyebrows just as surprised. "You do? "

"I blame fatigue." I explained, letting myself fall against the wall behind me to support me before rubbing my neck sore. "And now I'm going to have to spend the day of tomorrow choosing the perfect kinky paper, floral arrangement, snacks and the perfect type of gift to offer to the guests."

Steve made a face at the expense of tasks to do before leaving an uncertain little smile."Sounds ... fun? "

"Believe me it's all but." I thought, already feeling overwhelmed by the workload.

There was a new silence before Steve called me again in hesitation. "Well, I could-I mean, if you want, I could come with you. As a moral support. "

"Really?" I exclaimed in excitement before quickly frowning in disappointment. "But I absolutely must do it tomorrow, otherwise I will not have enough time to prepare the invitations. "

"Well, I have nothing planned tomorrow. "

I arched an eyebrow at once, putting my hand on my hip as I gave him a sharp look. "I think you forget your mission."

"I can do both." He assuredly assured me, giving him a dubious look.

Even though I knew that his metabolism could probably have a sleepless night and a sleepless day, I did not really feel that way to deprive him of this need. It was not fair to him. Especially since he was going to have to endure my unbearable temperament. I hated spending more time than necessary in the stores.

I was about to decline his offer only the blond me ahead knowingly.

"I have to leave but I send you a message as soon as I get back from Triskelion." He shouted as he started walking back to the stairs with a soft smile. "Have a good night, Dan. "

"Wait, Steven-"

_God, what am I going to do with this idiot?_

* * *

"You need to bring back your lazy ass and fast! "

I tightened my grip on my phone still a little sleepy before squinting my eyes on my alarm clock. 05: 53am.

_Seriously, Jay?_

I let out an exhausted grunt as I supported myself in a sitting position with my hand flat against my mattress. "Can you slow down on the panicked ramble and explain to me what the hell is going on?"

I rubbed the sleep of my eyes as I could heard Jay moving frantically on the other side of the phone. The crumpling of paper and his loud and clear whispers at the other end of the wire.

I left an inaudible sigh since he had woken me from another nightmare before plunging my eyes into the total darkness of my room.

"He was seen, Danae." That was enough to stiffen me on the spot as I widened my eyes in a gaping silence. "Danae? You're still here ? Danae? Dimarco?"

I came down quickly from my haze surprise before frowning at his boring voice screaming in my ear. "For god sake's, stop yelling in my ear! "

"In this case, react!" The brown replied immediately without the shadow of a beat.

I rolled my eyes in irritation as I pulled my blanket to the side before going down ignoring the thrill along my limbs in contact with the cold floor. I did not even take the time to stretch as I warned Jay that I was on the way.

I hung up without another word before throwing it nonchalantly on the top of my bed. I did not lose a second more to think or even question what I could find as I rushed on my dresser.

I was still exhausted from my day with Robbie and it was not Jay's call at this time that would help my recovery process. I took a moment to catch my breath as I paused in front of my selection of clothes before deciding on the first most functional outfit I had on hand. In other words, a simple yoga pants with a large green khaki hoodie and my trusty cap.

I made sure to be as quiet as possible to cross the apartment before finally getting on the run once on the landing. I did not really have time to lose.

_Who knew how long he would reappear._


	20. Trust issues

_"Stop asking me to trust you while I'm still coughing water from the last time you let me drown." Unknow_

* * *

Steve had not taken a single second for him after arriving at Triskelion. He had returned as fast as the speed limit allowed before jumping in the shower. For some reason still unknown to him, he was a bit excited to accompany Dan for Baby Shower shopping.

It was a concept that was not very popular for the weaker classes in his day and he was eager to find out what it was. He knew full well that it was more of a woman's occupation but he could not find an ounce in him to care. He just enjoyed spending time with his friend and it was just another way to do it.

He still could not believe that they had managed to go through all their differences to become really friends. Once again, Steve felt a slight pride in having persevered.

Especially in a moment like this. Steve felt honestly drained and needed a distraction after his umpteenth Shield mission. It was an extraction of hostages in a hostile territory and even if it had all gone without any wave, he could not help but want to hit something or someone.

Rumlow was simply rubbing on his bad side. He had discussed his orders and almost endangered the lives of the hostages simply because he thought the bad guys were more important.

He needed a distraction. And he needed Dan.

Fortunately for him, it would happen much earlier than expected as he heard her voice coming into his apartment. She had probably heard him come back. These apartments were not really great in terms of insulation.

"In the bathroom, Dan." Steve announced through his closed door before hurrying to get out of the shower. "I'll be here in a minute."

He could hear her footsteps and her soft, distracted hummed through his hearing change and he was not slow to leave a smile as he heard her swear as usual. He shook his head as he rubbed a towel over his wet hair to dry it before quickly changing into a simple pair of brut denim before realizing he had forgotten to take a T-shirt.

He winced in the realization before hastening to pick up the little mess he had created. He threw the dirty towels into the laundry basket before going out into the open air to take a quick look at Danae.

Unsurprisingly, he soon found the brunette to sit with her legs crossed in Indian style on the top of his couch. His sketchbook between her legs as she flipped through with a small smile.

He felt a new ounce of self-awareness at the sight of the brunette before taking more in her appearance. He realized that she wore an outfit more sought after than her usual work clothes. Light jeans slightly distress at the knees with a long white T-shirt and a brown-beige suede jacket. Her long brown curls devoid of paint were dropped in a waterfall along her back.

Finally, she seemed to feel his presence as she lifted her head with a teasing smile on her lips."Are you going to be-"

I definitely did not expect to come face-to-face with a shirtless Steve. The original idea was to welcome him with another way of embarrassment but I felt strangely cheated this time. I could feel my jaw drop as I took in his bulging muscles with a slight dryness along my throat.

I knew that Steve was muscular, it was pretty hard to ignore when some of his T-shirts seemed too small to contain him but damn, what a view.

He definitely had a body imagined right from a book of mythological history. And this pack of six.

I blinked my eyes to try to get out of my stupor-it was not normal; I couldn't look at him like that. It must have been Kate and Robbie's fault. They had contaminated me thinking of Steve differently than just Steve.

I tried to close my mouth to avoid looking like a complete idiot before straightening by releasing awkwardly my throat. Even my sarcastic and witty returns seemed to escape me right now.

Steve seemed to realize it as he gave me an easy smile before pointing his room over his muscular shoulder. I literally had to look away as the simple gesture served to make him even more attractive. The flexing of his biceps and the slight jumps in his pectorals-god, perhaps it was me who needed to get laid.

"I forgot to take a tee-shirt." He admits.

"No really? I didn't notice." I said immediately with dripping sarcasm.

Steve gave a flat look at my tone before shaking his head with a small smile. "Is the baby shower making you cranky?"

"Cranky?" I repeated as I tested the word on my lips before giving him a bored look clearly clear of his fate. "I'm not cranky. I am perfectly fine but if you remind me again this baby shower, I could become violent. "

Steve immediately gave an amused snort to my threat before turning on his heels, muttering."Definitely in a bad mood. "

"I heard that."

His throaty laugh did not take long to fill the silence between us, letting me listen for a moment to the blond moving in his room before putting my eyes back on his sketchbook. I let a little sigh escape me as I could feel the fatigue reappearing. I had spent the morning watching surveillance videos that Jay had found at the police station. There was no doubt that it was the Winter Soldier.

I could recognize that empty look and hollow anywhere. I had to admit that I had been a little upset to see him again. My wound had screamed in protest at the mere sight of his face on the screens. Even now, I could feel the bullet again piercing my skin and tearing my muscles.

I held back a slight growl as I brought my hand over my shoulder to massage the sensitive part before stretching me to Steve's question."How was your night?"

"The usual." I replied with little enthusiasm as I was still somewhat focused on my thoughts."You?"

His voice soon became more and more clear and distinct as he resurfaced in the living room fully dressed this time. "It could have been better, I suppose. But we got what we wanted."

I got up from the couch to rest his drawing book on the shelf of the library before turning on my heels to examine his choice of outfit. It was nothing exceptional and more practical. He had opted for brut denim jeans with a pair of low boots and a navy blue long-sleeved T-shirt coupled with a leather jacket. His trusty cap and the vintage glasses that I gave him in each hand.

"And what were you looking for? " I risked hesitating.

Steve gave me a sudden look at my sudden interest before he shrugged, sorry."I'm not sure I can tell you about it, Dan."

"Right. Government agency and super-spy." I accepted the recall a bit sour before I quickly changed the conversation more for myself than for him."You're ready ?"

Steve nodded his surprise at her quick change of subject before quickly letting it go as she told him to follow her. They were walking up and down the stairs as she explained that they would have to take one of these Uber since Kate had taken her car.

Steve hastened to offer to take his motorcycle only Danae quickly rejected his idea with the fact that she didn't have a helmet and that it would be more disturbing than accommodating since they would have many bags to wear. He made a mental note to correct the problem of helmet since he was sincerely hoping to take her for a ride one day. He had thought about it for a while now. He did not really know how she would want to take it. And that had been enough to know what he should do to convince her.

The last argument appealed somewhat but that did not prevent the excitement of vibrating along his veins.

He kept his cap low as they climbed into the famous Uber before immediately turning his attention to Danae as she pulled out a list written by her hand. Her writing style was typically feminine and somewhat hurried.

He listened intently as she told him how their day went, which stores were best able to hold the things she needed and how long it would take. Obviously, she had everything ready to spend as little time as possible in the stores.

He found himself again amused and fascinated by her process of thought. Before meeting her, he was almost certain that most women loved to spend their time in the shops. Even Nat seemed to like that kind of thing.

Eventually, they reached their destination and Danae advised him to keep his head down to avoid attracting attention. He did exactly what she asked him as he followed in the first store.

Not surprisingly, it was a baby store. He was surprised and somewhat nervous by all the foreign objects in front of him. He had never really thought about babies before. Obviously, he had posed with many children during his USO show but he never really took the time to think about this kind of thing. He had always wanted a family of his own as any man who respected himself. But he did not even have a partner at the time so the thought of babies ...

He quickly monitored the place by habit and was relieved to find that the store did not seem very crowded.

"Steve, here." Dan said as she took his wrist to drag him with her. "Look at this! A stuffed Captain America!"

She took the stuffed guy supposed to depict him with a teasing smile to get him up. Steve at once raised his eyebrows in surprise and embarrassment before whispering, rubbing his neck."It's ... uh ... they do that?"

"Your Cosplay group is good for the market." Danae replied nonchalantly as she showed him a little green man. "The Hulk. I can't believe she makes me do that."

Steve looked as she passed him to take a basket on the side of the wing before taking the two stuffed toys to put them in the basket under his eyes surprised and confused. "What are you doing? "

He eyed both cuddly toys with a sense of discomfort while Danae gave him an apologetic look. That was enough to challenge him.

"I don't know if it's a bad joke or not, but she sent me a message this morning for the theme."Dan explained as she continued her way through the wing with her list in her hand.

Steve raised his eyebrows in the realization. " She wants-"

"Yep." She agreed with a sigh before giving him a sideways look, "I'm sorry. "

"It's ok. I mean, it's cool, right?" Steve hesitated as he dug his hands in his pockets.

Dan leaned her head to one side with an unconvinced look before taking a step to the left."If you want my opinion, it's a form of revenge. Of course, she didn't know you were going to accompany me."

"A form of revenge?" He repeated, surprised.

_Nurse Mye-Robbie didn't really look like a vindictive person, but he could be wrong. Everything was different these days._

"Mhm, mhm." She hummed as she took in the different choices of ribbons available to them.

According to him, there was not really any difference between each shade of blue, but a look at Danae was enough to make him understand that there was indeed one. He stood by her side with a small smile intrigued as she took three shades of blue, red and white. The colors of his uniform and his shield. She was really going to prepare an event from his alter-ego.

He found that for a person who hated this kind of thing, she was very careful in her choices and even seemed to ask his advice on certain purchases. He found himself cooperating in uncertainty and slight amusement. It was strangely soothing to do that sort of thing.

"So, how did you and Robbie become friends?" He asked after helping Dan catch a pot of colored crayons.

Dan ran the basket heavier from arm to arm as she thought back with a small smile in her memory. "Alma was diagnosed early our line of work, Ben and I couldn't really take care of her. She was the only one to suggest going to a center. I was against obviously. I never really liked hospitals."

"I can understand." Steve agreed wholeheartedly.

"Anyway, I was not really very friendly with the nurses. And you know my character well enough to imagine how I was." Dan confided, giving him a sharp look to accompany her point.

Steve winced with a small smile at the mere thought of how she was treating people she thought were hostile."I pity those poor nurses."

"Hey!" She whispered, giving him a light tap on his arm, giving the blond a wide smile. "I was the one to complain about."

"Of course. "

Danae rolled her eyes at his amused response before resuming her story. "Robbie was new. I thought she would be horrible at work, but Alma was attached to her during one of our deployments to Ben and me. When we got back, Robbie came to see us to tell us that she would take care of Alma personally from now on. After that, it's history."

They quickly went to the cashier before quickly going to another store. Then another and another one. Steve was honestly overwhelmed by the number of stores planned for decorating and babies. He was carrying most of their bags despite Danae's protests and he could begin to feel a slight fatigue along his arm to the charge.

The brunette at his side also had her bag and he could see a slight grimace on the corner of her lips as she readjusted them in her hands.

However, her look seemed to widen as the last three times at the sight of another store on her list. He followed her diligently, watching the output again by mere habit. Until now, he seemed to have gone unnoticed but he had to be vigilant.

This store seemed more functional and Steve suddenly felt exhausted at the sight of the many things in front of him. It seemed even harder and stranger than new technology for him.

A fact that Danae seemed to realize quite quickly as she let out a laugh knowingly. "You seem lost. "

"It's because I am." Steve said shyly.

"Most men are." Reassured the brunette at once, leaving Steve raising an eyebrow in question."Look around you. Do you see a lot of men here? "

Steve did exactly that and realized no, most of the clients were women.

He frowned before giving her a curious look. "Are not men more involved in pregnancy now?"

"Some are. Ben were. Davis too." Dan agreed with a slight hint of nostalgia at the mention of her dead husband. "But it's still a real torture to assist their wife on this journey. I think I saw more women looking at me with envy today than at our usual outings."

Steve raised his eyebrows totally surprised at this new information. He had not noticed anything until now. That said, he had not really paid attention. He was more focused on Danae's explanations.

He risked a look around him and was forced to see that yes, their duet seemed to attract attention.

He hastened to look away as he met a woman's gaze at the beginning of the ray before returning his gaze to Danae with another question in mind. "Because we're watched during our usual outings?"

"Wow, you're really a man." The brunette suddenly said, shaking her head before pointing to the top shelf. "Do you think you'll catch that lot of round cardboard?"

Steve immediately complied with her request as he put the bags in his right hand on the floor before recovering the plastic bag to give her in curiosity. "What are you going to do with that?"

"Thanks." Danae took the bag with a somewhat sheepish expression. "I was thinking of drawing your shield on it to make coasters."

Steve gave an amused smile to her expression before leaving his thoughts in the open air."You seem pretty good at managing all that."

"Well, yes. I had prepared my own baby shower." She answered in a clear tone before suddenly hissing into realization.

Steve immediately showed a sympathetic look at her hurt expression. "You okay?"

"Ye-yeah it's just ..." She took a gasping breath before sighing weakly. "There was a reason why I didn't want to prepare this Baby Shower for Robbie."

Steve nodded carefully. He knew that the loss of her baby was a different subject that she kept from sharing. It was therefore with slight surprise that he endeavored to approach the subject with caution. He did not want to make her sad. It was not his intention.

He put his hand on her shoulder to show his presence before giving her a curious look. "Why didn't you tell her? "

"I don't know ... she's so happy." Dan admitted, raising her glassy eyes to look at him. "I didn't want to ruin her happiness."

He shook his head in understanding before trying to change the subject in the hope of appeasing her. "Do you think we could take a break? I think I saw a little coffee before."

"You're hungry." Dan snorted with a snort before forcing a smile on her lips at the sight of his timid look. "God, I've never seen anyone eat as much as you."

"Optimized metabolism, remember?" Steve simply replied with a small, amused smile.

Dan shook her head before dragging them to the cashier to pay. They quickly made their way to the cafe he was talking about before moving to a small table near the window overlooking the entire shopping center.

Steve was honestly amazed and stunned at the sight of the center. There were loads of shops and activities meant to entertain people.

Like the day of his awakening, he found himself somewhat light-headed at the sight of all these disparities. It was so much brighter, more boring and consuming than it was then.

"You okay here, big guy?"

Steve had quickly learned that nicknames were an important thing for Danae. Every time they saw each other, she came with a new nickname for him.

He took his eyes off the window with a tense smile before nodding his head. He then took his cup of coffee Mocha before taking a hesitant sip. Dan had been the only one to order for him. According to her, he didn't live in the risk enough.

Unfortunately, he was quick to wrinkle his nose at the feeling too sweet on his taste buds. A reaction that gave the brunette a laugh as she shook her head before leaning over the table to take his drink. Steve found staring at her in confusion as she slid her own drink at him instead.

"Black coffee. Sugar free. With a hint of milk." She explained as she signed her goblet. "I knew you would fail the test."

"It was a test?" Steve asked amused by her way of thinking.

Danae shrugged as she took a sip of the coffee Mocha before licking her lips as she set the cup down on the table. She turned her attention to the outside world visible through the huge storefront.

Steve watched as she slowly and distractedly turned her cup on the spot. A slight pensive expression was drawn on her heart-shaped face.

He found himself again intrigued by her thought process. "Say what's in your head."

"Mhm?" Dan frowned, raising an eyebrow in surprise before giving a smile."Nothing important. Just that ... it was nice."

"Nice?" Steve repeated with a smile of his own.

"Well, you know ... you're not a bad company. "

"Of course, I'm not. You punk." Steve replied with slight confidence before taking a break from the realization. He had not called anyone like that since Buck.

"Punk?" Dan repeated with a laugh. "Oh, now we insult each other. "

Steve shrugged his shoulders with more confidence and assurance as he nodded. "You do it regularly. I thought I could make the change."

Dan immediately squinted her warm brown eyes on him in annoyance before shaking her head."And I think you're getting too comfortable with me. "

"I will not apologize." Steve replied, referring to their last argument.

"Wow, you even use my sentences now." Dan exclaimed in surprise before shaking her head as she dropped back against the back of her chair. "Damn, you're really a punk."

"I said it first. "

"Don't care. "

Dan soon let out a hilarious laugh and Steve hastened to follow her, shaking his head. It was only with Danae that he felt so free and soothed. It was surprising but he had noticed the different emotions swirling inside him. She aroused a whole new part of him and he found himself loving more and more the person he was becoming. Or rather, the one that he became again. He was losing almost every ounce of barrier he had so carefully constructed. And he could not find the strength to care.

He just enjoyed sharing his moments with Danae.

Finally, they paid for their drink before deciding to call a closure for the day. The trip to their apartment complex was mainly made up of the amenities she would do to create the decorations. She seemed pretty sure of herself and Steve found himself discovering a new side of the brunette. Although she claimed that she was ridiculously bad in drawing, she had an artistic edge for decoration.

He helped her carry her multitudes of bags up the stairs, making sure to take the heavier ones. She seemed honestly exhausted as they reached their hallway and he gave her a sympathetic look. He knew that nightmares continued to pester her relentlessly. She did not talk about it but he knew.

"Do you want to come in? We could put all this and make a movie marathon night." She suggested with a pleasant smile.

"I could choose the movie?" Steve bargained with a smirk.

Dan rolled her eyes at his adorably childish look before beckoning to the door of her apartment. "Yes. And I promise you that it will not end in a match of scream."

It was Steve's turn to roll his eyes at her little reminder of their argument before stopping by her side as she searched for her keys. She dug her key into the lock as her hand took the handle before pushing the door to allow him to enter. Steve waited for her to come in before making a sudden pause at the sight of the group gathering in around the couch.

He easily recognized Kate and Robbie and Detective Khallahan, but the last man who regarded him as one of his fans was unknown to him.

Giving Dan a nervous look, he found that she still seemed unaware of the people there, letting him clear his throat in uncertainty.

"What? What's wrong ? This is not the first time you come to my apartment." Dan commented at his posture.

However, it seemed that he did not need to explain the situation as a shocked panting finally caught her attention away from him."Oh my god, it's freaking Captain America! "

I sincerely thought that my day could be described as good. I had spent the afternoon with Steve and I was really excited to start this movie night.

Unfortunately, it seems like I could not get a single day off.

I was totally frozen at the scene unfolding right before my eyes. Davis still seemed starstruck at the full view of Steve. The latter was awkwardly sitting on the couch between Davis and Robbie who seemed a little too appreciative. Jay was as far away from my roommate and the super soldier as possible with an anxious expression. As for Kate, she was just as perplexed and somewhat annoyed by the scene unfolding before us.

"Can I see the shield?"

I let incredulous breath to Davis's excited interrogation before literally hitting my face with my palm. It was a real disaster.

"Davis, honey, I think you need to calm down." Robbie finally intervened, pointing his red face with excitement and amusement. "You risk getting aneurism at this rate."

"I can't ! It's Captain America!" The sand blond defended, pointing Steve as if he were not right next to him.

The latter grimaced visibly uncomfortable again before raising his eyes with a slight frown on Jay's bitter intervention. "Appearances can be deceiving."

"Khallahan!" I called immediately with irritation before trying to control my breath as I pointed the kitchen in annoyance. " A word ? Now! "

I had to manage things methodically. First find out why he was here when he visibly hated the idea then take care of Davis and Robbie.

I looked apologetically over my shoulder as I could feel the weight of the eyes of Steve on my back before turning my attention back to Jay. The latter was wearing a bored and agitated expression as he stopped at my height once in the kitchen. "Is that where you spend your time when you're not working?"

"Wow, first of all, what I do outside the work doesn't concern you." I recollected harshly before lowering my tone as I cast a new, cautious look at the improbable group.

"Why does it have to be with him?" He muttered, signing the back of Steve's blond head with disdain. "As if it was not enough that you live with this double-face."

I widened my eyes to his stupid mistake before immediately bringing my hand to his lips in the hustle and bustle. "Watch your words!"

I ignored his incredulous gaze as I signed my ear instead and nodded at Steve. Jay finally seemed to understand my involvement as he stepped back into the hustle and bustle. He gave Steve a nervous look on his back before hastily pulling out his cell phone. I watched him tap on his screen with boredom before taking it as he handed it to me.  
_  
See? He's the enemy, Danae!_

"You kidding right?" I exclaimed in disbelief before rolling my eyes as he forced the phone into my hands.

I let out a sigh as I took his phone before typing an irritated answer.

_He's my friend._

_Who works with the enemy!_

"We don't know that for sure!" I exclaimed, raising my voice in a loss of control.

"Everything is fine ?" Kate asked immediately, forcing us to lean back to the group just to realize that they were now focused on us.

I swallowed as I grabbed Steve's inquisitive and inquiring gaze, letting me force a tight smile on my lips.

"Yeah. I was going to leave anyway." Jay finally replied visibly irritated as he passed me to the hallway of the entrance.

I held a grin at Robbie's knowing look before signing Jay's fleeing back. "I'm going to take him back."

I accelerated my pace to catch up with the quick pace of the brown before holding the door as he spun on his heels once on the landing.

At the sight of the exasperated look on his face, I knew he was really taking it to heart. And he was probably right at some point since I seemed to surround myself with the enemy lately.

Unfortunately, I could not do anything about it. I needed Steve.

"You realize that if I'm wrong that means you're lying to him." Jay recalled in frustration."You're the one who came to see me with this investigation. I told you to give up but you wanted to continue. If you continue like this, someone will end up getting hurt. Or worse."

I grimaced as I could feel the weight of guilt again before swallowing, shaking my head. "I know what I'm doing, Jay."

"Do you? Do you really, Dan? "Doubted Jay with an arched eyebrow challenging me to contradict him. "Because you were supposed to work on the video surveillance camera sequence this afternoon. Not to play at the little worldly couple."

I frowned immediately before giving him an indignant look. "Oh, shut up, Khallahan! You don't even know what you're talking about. "

"I think I do." He objected with assurance, making me doubt something despite myself."Come back to me when you know what you want."

With that, the brown turned on his heels, letting me look after his back fleeing into confusion and total frustration. I shook my head as he quickly disappeared down the stairs before returning to my apartment by slamming the door with more force than necessary.

I ran my hands through my hair as I could see a nuance of truth in his words before abruptly pausing at the sight of the group in front of me.

They all seemed to be wearing a curious and worried variation of expression, but it was Steve's face that beckoned me more. I could feel my heart running in my chest at the mere sight of his closed expression. He left absolutely nothing visible and if I believed his posture, he was also far from being open to the conversation.

That was enough to make me believe that he could have heard us even on the landing.

I chewed my cheek in nervousness and worry at mere realization before putting my eyes on Robbie to her uncertain intervention. "I think we should leave. "

"What? Why? "

"Just do what I tell you." She hissed as she hastened to pull her husband with her before stopping at my height sympathetically."Everything is okay?"

However, I could not turn my eyes away from Steve's eyes. He seemed totally indifferent and cold.

"I don't know." I murmured in uncertainty.

I felt Robbie's hand on my shoulder as she gave me a little comforting pressure before she remembered me of calling her later. I just shook my head to show that I had heard her before straightening up as I could hear their retreat step.

Finally, it left me with Steve and Kate.

The blonde immediately gave a nervous look at the sight of our tense duet before signing her room in sign of question. I nodded in defeat. She gave a shake of her own before disappearing into the security of her room.

I wrinkled my lips as I looked back at Steve before trying to play silly. "Sorry for all that. It's-"

"Cut the bullshit, Dan." He interrupted me as he crossed his arms over his chest with an incisive look at me. "What did the detective Khallahan mean?"

I let out a deep sigh before persisting on my first tactic as I walked towards the kitchen. "It's nothing that should worry this pretty little head. He was just pissed because he had to stand in the same room as Kate."

"What's his problem with her?" He asked in confusion as he lost some of his stiffness.

I poured myself a glass of water as I searched for a credible lie before turning around to see he was moving against the counter. "He doesn't like her."

"That's all ? Are not you going to tell me more?" He replied with a biting tone before resuming his defensive position. "He said you were lying, Danae. And the way he reacted with me makes me think that you're lying to me."

I swallowed as my first thought was correct. He had heard everything.

I was trying to find a not too compromising answer before letting go of a stupid, slightly believable snort. "Lying ? To you ? I mean, c'mon, Stevie. Your paranoia is showing."

"Really? Is it really my paranoia?" He challenged, raising his tone, letting me offer him my back as I could feel the tears of frustration flowing behind my eyes.

I jabbed my jaw as I leaned against the sink in a feeling of total loss of control. I knew that my deflection only served to irritate him more, but I couldn't talk to him. I didn't have enough proof. Not to mention that I was always afraid of his reaction.

_No, I couldn't do that. Which meant that Jay was right. God, I hated when this little bastard was right._

"Look at me, Danae." Steve asked calmly even though I could hear the restraint in his tone.

I swallowed as I tried to compose my expression before slowly turning on my heels to face him. He took a moment to take in my posture as well as my expression before crossing again his large arms on his chest.

"What type of investigation do you work on?" He asked intelligently.

Of course he realized that it had to do with my current investigation. He was far from stupid. This was another irritating point about him.

_He was the good looks and the brains._

"I can't give you an answer." I confessed with difficulty as I could see him shut up further behind his barriers.

He nodded sharply, turning his eyes away from me, before turning his intense blue eyes on me in defiance. "Do you keep information from me?"

"You know I have to." I defended, composing my posture. "You should understand. You keep as much information as I do."

It seemed to strike a chord in the blond as he cocked his jaw in a recoil. I immediately bowed my head in realization before taking a step forward just to stop as he shook his head.

"I should go home." He said, lowering his head in disappointment. "Night, Danae. "

I winced at the use of my full name on his lips before watching his back fleeing into defeat.


	21. I don't respond to threats, I make them

_"There's a time to be gentle and there's a time to be firm." Donna_

* * *

I made sure to hold my dinner steady as I climbed the stairs to my office.

Things with Steve were even stranger than in our last arguments. It was totally as if nothing had happened. Not that I had seen him much to really make a comparison but I could see that his shell was back. He was not so relaxed with me anymore. It was as if everything we had built in the last three months had halved.

Hence the reason why I decided to spend a few days in the security of my office. Not to mention that I was suspicious of Kate in turn. Khallahan's mistrust seemed unfair to me, but he seemed so certain.

I could not continue to act as if nothing had happened.

Anyway, it allowed me to make a little more room in my mind. I knew I could not leave this case. It was way too important for that.

I climbed the last step leading down the hallway to my office before suddenly stopping at the music deal. I raised my eyes with a deep sense of déjà vu in my chest before accelerating my step towards my door ajar.

Unsurprisingly, a very annoying redhead was already inside. She was currently watching my diplomas hanging on the right wall in frames.

"Will this become a habit?" I asked flatly with boredom as I closed the door before moving towards my desk.

I pulled off my leather jacket as I walked towards my office chair before placing it on the backrest to sit on. All this time, I kept my eyes focused on the redhead and on my desk. Fortunately, I kept no important documents or even incriminating here. Her last visit made me decide to move everything as security.

"You didn't prepare to attack me with your keychain this time." The redhead said instead as she turned with that famous confident smile.

She settled on the chair in front of me posing by crossing her ankles on my desk. "Steve mood is down these days."

"Really?" I asked, swallowing slightly in guilt before bet on the bluff. "It looks like it's happening even to the best of us."

Natasha folded her arms over her chest with an arched eyebrow in disbelief. "You know nothing about it?"

I frowned on the redhead, clearly weary of her impromptu little visits. "Why should I know everything that's going on in his little blonde head? We're friends, I am not his therapist."

"You seem to fight pretty often." She commented, leaning her head in the observation."Trouble in paradise? "

I was frowning now with annoyance before crossing my arms over my chest in mistrust."We don't fight, we encounter some divergence of opinion."

"Some divergence huh?" Natasha repeated with that smirk, letting me think she couldn't speak without a double meaning. "Seems like a couple for me."

I composed my expression in total flatness to her bait before pinching the bridge of my nose to try to keep my temper under control. I took a breath before putting my aggravated eyes on the spy. The latter still had that irritating smile plastering on her porcelain face as she took in my irritated expression.

She leaned closer to the seat to make herself more comfortable showing her intention to stay. I shook my head in boredom knowing that I could not really do anything except sigh in defeat.

I leaned over to get my plastic bag containing my dinner before taking out one of the Chinese food containers. I took the little bag containing the chopsticks before tearing it to recover its contents.

For a moment, I thought of using them as a kind of weapon as I gave a side look to the redhead. However, it only magnified her amused smile as she leaned back on my desk to steal my second dish.

I displayed a wide look as I let the chopsticks fall on my thighs before banging my hand hard on the desk. "Okay, just spit it out! What do you want ?"

"You know how to talk to Steve." She said simply as if it were meant to explain her presence."Like I said he trust you."

I caught a single eyebrow in anticipation before ogling her hands as she grabbed the second batch of chopsticks.

_There goes in the drain my thought of surprise attack_.

She mimed my gestures earlier as she retrieved the chopsticks from the bag before detaching them and rubbing them together to remove the friction. Then she picked up the second container containing my spicy chicken before digging in shamelessly right before my eyes.

I immediately brought my fingers to massage my temples before giving her a new look as she gauged me while chewing silently." Big deal. Steve believes me then what? Do you want to question me?"

"More, like get to know you get better." Corrected the spy with a comfortable smile before resting the container with the chopsticks stooped before shaking a bottle between her fingers with mischief."I brought vodka."

I left a simple snort in response as I narrowed my eyes on the redhead in mistrust. "So that's the plan? To get me drunk in the hope of getting information?"

"You have a serious problem of trust. You could make an excellent agent." The redhead praised with a hint of pride as she took out two shot glasses from the pocket of her leather jacket.

She installed these last two on the desk with the bottle before serving us without losing a moment. She then slid a glass in my direction before taking the chicken container in her hands.

I ogled the glass offered in the suspicion before raising my eyes on the redhead in the observation. She seemed rather relaxed and remote to seem almost friendly. Her look was inviting and even somewhat uncertain as she stared at me.

Finally, she finally rolled her eyes to my persistence before taking the glass in front of her."It's not poisoned you know. "

To prove her point she swallowed her shot, throwing her head back. I watched as I chewed the inside of my cheek before giving in as I took my drink in my turn.

"I prefer to warn you I'm not a weight light." I warned her sharply to show that her little plan would not work.

A smirk adorned her lips as she beckoned me to start. "I like that my drink buddies can keep with me."

"Do you even have friends?" I countered doubtfully as I took the drink before pausing as she seemed to really think about the issue.

"Wait, you have friends, right? Certainly, you're not so ... you know ... "

Natasha leaned over to refill us before leaning back against her seat. "Friends are not part of the job."

Suddenly, I thought back to our short meetings but quite explicit. It was obvious that the redhead was alone. And I could not really stop thinking about what I had discovered in the Shield files. She was a former Soviet assassin. A weapon. But she didn't choose this way of life. At least not at the beginning. Now it was understandable that she wanted to do what she was best at.

_It was hard to forget old habits.  
_

"But breaking into the office of a Captain America friend is a part of the job?" I challenged with an arched eyebrow as I took the drink. I winced at the strong alcohol burning my throat before lifting the empty glass to the redhead. "Gosh, it's not a joke."

Natasha left a strangely sincere smile for once before serving me again. "Who said I was here for Steve?"

"You're not?" I doubted with a slight frown.

If she was not there for Steve that meant she could be there for my research. I felt all the empathy I had previously felt evaporate at the mere thought. I tightened my grip on the glass again despite myself before giving a look suspicious of the redhead.

The latter took a new bite of chicken before shrugging her shoulders once her mouth was empty."I thought I could see what it does. "

"What? Steal my food and try to get me drunk?" I asked sarcastically.

Natasha rolled her eyes at my attitude seemingly less patient than Steve before taking a moment to think. "More ... like sharing a drink ... a meal ... chatting ..."

It was at this moment that I fully realized her involvement. The famous and very deadly Black Widow felt alone. I swallowed my mouthful as I squeezed my chopsticks into the container before giving her an uncertain look.

I took a moment to digest her confession before taking my chopsticks to sign her full glass. "I think you should stop now. You're already starting to wander."

To my surprise, the redhead let a laugh in my statement allowing me to pause again. Despite my discomfort and suspicion, I could almost feel a slight smile bending my lips at the sight of her expression. She seemed strangely comfortable in my little office.

"So you don't do in emotion. Good to know." She announced with appreciation as she swallowed the contents of her drink again before resting it forcefully on the top of the desk.

I took a moment to think about my next action before abruptly getting up. I was displeased to see the redhead still immobile. She had not even flinched. Instead, she arched a simple eyebrow perfectly drawn as a question.

"A bottle of vodka is not going to be enough." I decreed, signing the still full bottle before reaching for my leather jacket. "How did you come here?"

Natasha already seemed to be on her feet as I just turned to see her spin a keychain around her index finger. I nodded in acceptance as I pulled on my jacket before recovering my wallet and keys on the way out. I could feel the intense gaze of Natasha in my back as she followed me without a word.

It was only when we were on the sidewalk lining the office building that I realized I did not really think about this plan in its entirety. A fact that the redhead seemed to realize quickly as she put her hand on my shoulder before signing a fine black sports car parked on the side.

I raised my eyebrows in plain sight before following in my turn. She climbed behind the wheel as I sat in the passenger seat, fastening my seat belt.

"Where are we going ? "

"Are you sure you can drive?" I suddenly doubted at the thought of our shots.

In response, the redhead put the engine before reiterating her question with slight impatience. I shook my head as I just told her Alfie's address.

I guided the super spy in the familiar bar and immediately greeted Alfie on the way. The latter seemed visibly about to tell me to get out of his bar only the sight of the redhead at my side stop him. He gauged Natasha with surprise and slight disbelief before turning his eyes to me as a silent question.

Apart from Robbie and Steve, I had never been with anyone else. It was my personal sanctuary and I had just brought in the enemy.

I struggled not to think too much about the status of the redhead at my side as I sat on one of the tables benches strewn on the right side of the bar. Natasha moved quickly in front of me letting me watch her reaction. As in my office, she seemed totally and undeniably relaxed. But her careful observation of the place was enough to prove me otherwise.

She was on the alert. Of course, she knew how to go unnoticed while staying on guard. Once again, I found myself praising the redhead's skills in my mind.

Finally, Romanoff set her sights on me with an arched eyebrow. "What's this place ?"

"Her own personal hell." Alfie suddenly replied as he stood at the table with a sharp look in my direction. "When are you going to stop coming here?"

"And deprive you of my charming personality?" I replied quickly with sass as I leaned over the table with my chin leaning in my hand.

The old man rolled his eyes at my impetuosity, mumbling under his breath before turning sharply to the spy."What can I get for you ?"

Natasha, who seemed to have been a spectator of our interaction, immediately put her questioning eyes on me.

"She's going to have the same thing as me. The usual."

"I hope for you that she doesn't drink as much as you." He growled, pointing to me on his way to the bar. "Damn these women and their way of emptying my bar!"

I shook my head with a broad smile as I watched his fleeing back before feeling Romanoff's keen eye on my profile. I immediately raised my eyebrows as I turned to her as a sign of question.

She swept the bar again at a glance before returning her eyes to me. "You really seem to have a gift to make the people love you."

"Probably as much as you." I retorted without hesitation.

She tilted her head assertively at my jab before taking the shot glass that Alfie handed her. The latter put mine in front of me with two bottles of vodka on the side.

I ignored the startled look of the redhead as I took the first bottle instead. I unscrewed the cap giving a look on the redhead as she raised an eyebrow."I said I knew how to hold my liquor. You think I was lying?"

"Bring in on." Romanoff retorted with a wide, amused smile as she slid her shot glass into expectancy.

I served her first before filling my glass. I put the bottle on the side before taking my drink while keeping my eyes on the redhead for a toast.

The latter in turn raised her glass half-air before leaving the first glance surprised at the evening at the agreement of my Russian."Vashee zda-ro-vye!"

However, she did not take long to recover from her surprise as she raised her glass with a mysterious little smile."Vashee zda-ro-vye !"

I threw my head back at the same time as I swallowed the pungent drink before shaking my head slightly with the burning sensation along my throat.

I rested my glass firmly on the table like the redhead before staring at her as she serves us again."You speak Russian."

"A language among others. It's always useful when one finds oneself deployed in a foreign country." I explained nonchalantly.

Romanoff gave a new smile to this new ounce of information. "So, a former soldier. At least Steve didn't take someone frail and helpless."

"What it's supposed to mean?" I asked at once with my eyebrows frowning on the redhead.

"I'm sure you're fully aware that you're included with someone who walk a very thin, very dangerous line in his work. Daily." She explained seriously before leaning back against the back of the bench nonchalantly."You know how to shoot? "

I immediately left a snort. "I was a commander in the navy. What do you think ?"

An almost impressed look bowed the redhead's features before she leaned down with her glass near her red lips. I took my own drink before swallowing it in one go. A new silence settled between us as Natasha seemed to be analyzing the least of my movements again.

I struggled to hold her gaze as I could once again feel that slight buzzing along my limbs. I unconsciously tighten my grip on my now empty glass before taking the bottle to serve us again.

I could feel my intimidation and my fear of the deadly woman diminishing with every drink. I knew it could be a very bad idea since I was a very bad drunk person, but I did not like to feel this instability every time the redhead was around.

"So, what happened between Steve and you?" She asked in a casual tone making me squint at her total change of behavior. She seemed almost like a schoolgirl waiting for juicy details."Obviously, something happened. "

"You can't just give him a break? He's old. It happens to him to have days off." I defended obsessively to try to change the conversation.

However, the redhead seemed fully aware of my tactics as she left a smile worthy of the Cheshire cat. "He's the asset of the Shield. You can't really risk something because he's too busy thinking about his neighbor feisty."

"Feisty?" I repeated with disdain before giving her a flat look. "Okay, let's be clear, there's absolutely nothing between him and me. Friends. That's all."

"That's not what I thought I understood. You should see him when we talk about you. A real wall of protection."

I narrowed my eyes on the redhead at her innuendo before taking another sip of my glass, shrugging my shoulders. "Maybe he just doesn't trust you."

It had the gift of hitting a certain chord with the redhead as she paused to reach her glass. She raised her blue-gray eyes on me, letting me hold a shudder at the intensity of her eyes.

"It would be foolish to place blind trust in a secret government organization." She finally revealed in a tone of finality.

I nodded in agreement before deciding to turn the tables. "And you? Can we trust you?"

It seemed to take the redhead again by surprise as she hastened to support my gaze seriously."I work for the Shield. What do you think?"

I smirked as she used my own sass against me before taking my drink.

I swallowed it in one go before grimacing slightly as I could feel the alcohol taking control of my nerves." Do you want my opinion ? I think you're lonely. And I think you need a friend. Hence the reason you're here. You want to find out how to get Steve to trust you."

"Really? Is that so?" Challenged the redhead with a serious and calculating expression now as she realized I had seen through her game.

"Maybe Steve is not my goal? Maybe I'm here for you."

I just rolled my eyes at her bluff before pointing at her in disbelief. "Why would you like to be friends with me? I am the worst person for that."

"Steve doesn't think the same. And I believe his judgment." She replied nonchalantly as she dropped back into her seat. "Even if you do research behind his back."

I froze immediately on the spot at the last statement of the redhead before slowly turning my attention to her. I could feel my heart speeding up as I crossed her amused gaze. She seemed proud of herself for trapping me. Obviously, she was waiting for the right moment to get me stuck in a corner.

I swallowed as I could feel my fingers start to shake in a feeling of panic.

I jabbed my jaw in an attempt to control my expression before keeping my voice from wobbling."I don't see what you're talking about."

"Don't play dumb." She asked with a simple wave of her hand before leaning over the table with her hands crossed in the middle of the wooden surface. "How did you manage to pass our protections?"

I immediately crossed my arms over my chest as I could feel the tremors become more and more uncontrollable before swallowing again at the sight of her curious gaze. Strangely, she did not seem in the least threatening or even irritated by my investigation.

If she was something it was somewhat amused and vaguely impressed as she waited for my answer.

Knowing that I did not have a chance against her, I decided to just lower my shoulders in defeat. "If you came to arrest me-"

"I'm not going to do anything to you, Danae." Interrupted me at once the redhead with firmness. "It's not the orders I received."

"Wait ... all that ... it was a mission?"

Natasha grimaced as she took in my exacerbated expression to her deception before having the audacity to display a sorry expression."If I told you that I really wanted to try to become your friend, would you believe me?"

"Hell no!" I replied in a flutter of anger before ignoring her grimace as I tried to examine my solutions.

"Believe me, you don't want to know what will happen if you try to escape." The redhead warned me to shift my attention to her with my lips tight in a straight line."You seriously thought that we wouldn't notice it?"

"Do I seem to care? I wasn't going to give up because it was risky." I replied eagerly.

If it was tonight that I had to be arrested then I was going to be sure to put up some resistance.

"I have orders. I can't ask you what you're working on or even why you're investigating the Shield." Announced the somewhat frustrated redhead letting me arch a confused eyebrow."My presence here is to warn you."

"Warn me ?" I repeated with a deep frown.

"It means that my superiors are aware of the subject of your investigation. And that they're also working on a way to fix it." Natasha explained, watching the surroundings.

This time, I could not really stop the scoff from running over my lips."And what am I supposed to do? Stop and believe that the Shield will fix everything?"

"On the contrary." Replied the redhead at once without losing a moment. "You should even continue digging."

I stood for a moment speechlessly overwhelmed by events before shaking my head in total misunderstanding. I put my tongue on my lips to moisten them before swallowing again as I was looking for a way to put some order in my thoughts.

"It's out of the question for me to work with the Shield. Or worse, for the Shield." I finally declared with disdain.

Natasha arched an eyebrow at the sight of my obvious disdain for her organization. "You shouldn't have been involved in the first place."

"Is it a threat?" I asked, defensive.

The redhead gave a smile to my combativity before giving me a sharp look. "You can't talk to Steve about it. If he learns that the Shield and yo-"

"There is no Shield and me." I was immediately indignant. "And I didn't intend to talk to him about it. If he ever learned all the lies of the Shield ... well, I guess you could easily imagine his reaction."

Natasha seemed to lose her agent posture for a moment as she gave me a contrite glance. "He will be devastated. Betrays."

"Exactly. Now you wanted to know what made him sulky in recent days? You have your answer." I confided coldly as I still contemplated my choice to flee.

She nodded in understanding before surprising me again as she rose from her chair. I sat up in my seat in anticipation before watching on the alert as she dug her hand into the pocket of her leather jacket. I could feel my fists tightening in preparation.

However, she surprised me again as she put down a simple business card with a series of numbers written quickly in blue ink. I followed with an arched eyebrow the length of her arm holding the card in place before stopping on her closed face.

"You should watch your backs, Danae." She warned earnestly and lightly under her tone."This is not just a case of human trafficking this time. You're venturing into a minefield. If you have no other solution call this number."

I raised my eyebrows at her suggestion as she tapped her finger on the card letting me squint at the redhead in mistrust. " Why ? What can it do to you?"

"You're close to Steve. And he can't be aware for obvious reasons." She explained simply."I'm willing to do it. There is always some truth in my remarks. This is the best way to lie."

It was enough to understand what she implied. She obviously knew my file. She was doing this for Steve. He could not really be there to protect me, not that it was necessary I could very well protect myself, thank you very much.

But I knew what she meant. She really wanted to become a friend at some point. Current conditions just were not conducive to friendship.

In response, I just took her card under her fingers before pocketing in my leather jacket.

She gave a simple nod in goodbye before letting me watch after her sensual swaying still somewhat overtaken by the situation.

I had to talk to Jay.


	22. Learn in a storm

_"There are some things you can only learn in a storm." Joel Osteen_

* * *

"They know."

It was my greeting for the detective was as I pushed him to invite me to his apartment. I stopped in the middle of his room to take in my entourage with curiosity and slight agitation. I was not serene after my little meeting with the super spy. I could feel a slight headache about to appear and I already regretted having drunk so much. Anxiety made things quite unpleasant with my stomach.

"Sorry what? Who?" Jay muttered, letting me swivel quickly on my heels.

I caught an eyebrow as I took in his half-naked outfit telling me that I had probably woken him up before openly ignoring the exposure of his bulging muscles. Any other day, I might have taken the time to look but I had other problem right now.

"The Shield." I explained flatly alerting Jay immediately. "One of their agent came to visit me tonight."

I preferred to leave out the fact that it was not just any agent but Natasha who had come to see me. I did not really know if she was a friend or the enemy. In any case, I preferred to be prepared.

"What's happened ? What did she tell you ?" He exclaimed in agitation as he passed me to get a pair of sweatpants to cover himself."Wait, you're not here to take me away with you, right?"

I rolled my eyes at his alarmed expression before taking a seat against the nearest wall."Relax, I'm not the enemy. "

"We never know." He said suspiciously before straightening himself by crossing his arms over his naked torso. "How come you're always free? "

I winced at his pertinent question before retaining a groan since I asked myself the same question. No matter how long I had looped the conversation with the redhead, I could not put a real explanation behind it.

_It made no sense. _

_Why would the Shield or at least some Shield people want to give me the freedom to keep searching? _

It was completely incomprehensible, and yet I assumed that was what it meant to interfere in the affairs of an espionage organization.

"They want us to continue our investigation."

"They?"

"The Shield. Or at least, the good guys of the Shield, I guess."

Jay let out a humorless laugh as he ran his hands through his short hair in the hustle and bustle. "You guess? "

"I am not sure okay." I replied at once, visibly nervous as well. "The fact is they know what we're doing and they don't stop us. Yet."

"What is it supposed to mean?" Jay asked as he dropped back against his couch. "What do we do now ? Do we work for them? How is it supposed to work when you want to dismantle them?"

I took a moment to think before just leaving a sigh of defeat as I made my way to join him on the couch. I let my head fall back against the back as I could feel my headache now. I brought my hands along my temples before massaging them with my index fingers glued to the majors.

A fact that Jay seemed to quickly realize how he leaned over to sniff me before stepping back into disgust. "Wait, you stop to drink on the way?"

"Not quite." I grumbled under my breath as I remembered how I was in this situation. "Let's say that this agent had a strong inclination for vodka."

"You drink with the enemy?" He exclaimed, outraged.

I rolled my eyes to his voice too strong for my taste before leaning my head against my shoulder to gauge him with sarcasm. "No, she gave me information between a left hook and a circular kick. It was really fun."

"Ha, ha, ha, hilarious." He grunted in turn before throwing his head back against the back with a sigh. A new silence fell on our duet.

"We're so dead. "

I tilted my head in agreement before closing my eyes again to forget the pain along my temples.

Unfortunately, Jay seemed far from over as he suddenly jumped into a rigid position forcing me to open my eyes to gauge him with boredom. "Wait, does that mean the patriot knows?"

"Ha, about that ... it's the funniest part." I commented exasperated as I remembered the situation with Steve. "They want me to continue lying to him."

Jay paused at that before arching an eyebrow in interrogation. "Do they even have an ounce of esteem for him? I mean, except that he's useful to them."

I could feel the indignation and anger again as I wrinkled my lips in agreement with Jay.

_It was completely absurd how they treated Steve. It had the gift of making me doubt._

Was dismantling the Shield worth losing Steve's trust? The truth was probably yes. Even though he was definitely important to me, I did that for him. I could not continue to let him get used. At least, that was what I was saying to myself in the hope of reassuring myself.

I still remembered the promise I made to Peggy. I was going to stay by his side, even if I had to lie to him for that.

"Was she hot at least? The messenger agent, I mean."

I rolled my eyes at the impromptu question of the brown before shaking my head in a sigh."Believe me, you couldn't keep up with her even if you wanted to."

* * *

With the latest events, I was not sure where I was. I needed a moment to put my thoughts in order and understand how to proceed from there.

Hence the reason I ended up on the roof of my apartment complex in the middle of the night. I tried to push my thoughts away as long as possible, but after spending more than two hours turning around and turning in bed in the hope of getting sleep, I gave up.

I let out a sigh as I squeezed my hands into the pockets of my gray hoodie with the feeling of a light cold wind.

The city was asleep and rather calm at this hour. The moderate noise and the lights still present, it was a beautiful view to watch.

Unfortunately, my gaze was missing the presence of stars. I had always loved the skies illuminated by piles of desert stars. That was probably why Ben had thought that a moonlit picnic was the best date idea for us.

"God, everything was so much easier when you were still there." I whispered as I kept my eyes focused on the naked sky.

"Do I have to worry about hearing you talking by yourself now?"

I jumped at the familiar deep, guttural voice before glancing over my shoulder. There was Steve still in the crack of the door. He seemed barely fit in the small space.

I felt that guilt again with a whole new force now as he bowed his lips in a small uncertain smile. Obviously, we were not at the best of our relationship but he still managed to smile at me.

Nevertheless, I had to remember that I could not really play with him anymore. I lied to him on a daily basis and when he was going to learn the truth-because he was going to learn it-I could forget any ounce of friendship with him.

I turned my eyes away from that simple agonizing thought before clenching my fists inside my pockets.

Obviously, I should have guessed that my expression would only serve to alert the tall blond as I was not long in hearing the closing of the metal door followed by his almost imperceptible steps.

"Dan, are you mad at me?" He questioned timidly as he stopped at my height, making sure to leave some space between us.

_God, why he was making things so difficult for me?_

_He was innocence and goodness incarnate and I lied to him in the face.  
_

_It was assured! I had dug my way to hell._

I let out a sigh as I gave Steve a look just to feel guilt hit me again."No, god, Steve, no. If someone should be angry it's you. You shouldn't even be here. You know I've been lying to you. And I'm sure you want to know but I can't tell you. Steve, I ... I'm sorry."

It was a real first for me. I had never apologized to him before. Only Ben managed to make me openly acknowledge my wrongs. But I assumed he deserved it this time. After all, I was really lying to him.

A heavy silence accompanied my words during which he took advantage to settle with me. I swallowed as I could feel his heat swallowing me up and I literally had to restrain myself from not sticking to him to comfort me.

"I thought you never apologized." Whispered the blond at my side, letting me shyly turn my head to examine his reaction.

"I don't usually do it." I conceded, swallowing again as I took in his strong jaw and long lashes fluttering along his cheekbones.

To my surprise, he let a new smile curl his lips as he turned his gaze on me. Azure blue met the brown and I could suddenly feel my breath getting stuck in my throat as I realized how many mixed emotions he held in that look.

A gust of wind suddenly blew my long brown curls in my face and I hastened to pull my hand out of my pocket to keep them away from my face.

However, the super soldier took the opportunity to take my hand in his before I could hide it again in the warmth of my hoodie. Somehow, his touch and warmth seemed even better than my hoodie.

I frowned on our joined hands before raising my confused eyes on Steve waiting for an explanation. "I'm not mad at you, Dan. Although I am disappointed that you don't want to share everything with me, I know that I have no right to question you about your work."

"Steve-"

"No. Don't, Dan." He interrupted me as I sat up."I'm not stupid. Somehow it concerns me. But of all the people I've met since I woke up, you're the only one who helped me the most. You listened to me, you opened to me and helped me to integrate in this foreign world. I owe you a lot, Dan."

I took a deep, vulnerable breath to his admission before turning away my eyes as I could feel the tears of frustration and guilt flowing behind my eyes. I released my breath with a slight snort to try to control myself before tightening my hold on his hand.

I put my frown on our hands as I could feel my cracked voice on my next admission. "You make me look like someone good."

"Of course you are." He replied with conviction, making me laugh without humor. Steve frowned as he tightened his grip on my hand. "Dan ... I'm serious. You're a good person. You hear me ? One of the best I know. You don't have the right to doubt it."

I cracked a smile in spite of myself to the sincerity in his tone before shaking my head with a bitter laugh. "I thought you didn't know how to lie."

"It must be true then." Steve whispered with a small smile in his voice.

I swallowed as I shook my head before lifting my eyes to look at him in contemplation. Steven Grant Rogers was truly a discovery and an enigma for me. He never ceased to surprise me and I was not sure that I could recover from losing him. It really let me fear the famous moment when he would learn the truth.

"You know that this will only serve to feed my ego." I teased, trying to distract my mind from the creeping guilt before leaving a tired sigh as I looked up at the starless sky again."What a pity to have access to the roof and not be able to see the stars. Huh, Cap?"

Steve raised his eyebrows at the change of conversation before turning his attention to the dark sky. "In my day, we could see the was always less than in rural areas, but I remember watching the stars as Buck and I was on his fire escape."

"The fancies of new technology and pollution." I commented with a scoff before giving Steve another look. "So, you looked at the stars with Bucky, huh? You're sure you didn't already find the right partner."

Steve immediately glanced at my suggestion before frowning, banging his shoulder lightly against mine. "He was like my brother. And men can also look at the stars. I thought it was not a problem to show his sensitivity now."

"Very true." I agreed, shaking my head with a small smirk. "You listen to me even during our arguments. Very impressive."

However, I did not foresee the blond's reaction as I could suddenly see a light blush along his cheeks. I raised my eyebrows visibly surprised since I did not really think there was a reason for him to be embarrassed. I had definitely made more annoying comments in the past.

Nevertheless, it seemed to challenge the blond as he lowered his chin against his chest before displaying a small smile. He did not seem to be aware of my gaze so I hastened to look at the sky in confusion.

Instead, I decided to share one of my children's memories as I bent my head in his direction."You know, when I was younger my mother tried to explain to me the concept of paradise and death. Already at this age, I was not really very good at understanding the concept. She ended up telling me that the people we lost became stars who watched over us. That's why there were so many. Obviously, I came to understand that it was a lot of bullshit but I don't know ... I guess part of me would have liked it to be true."

"You know that in Greek mythology, the favored war heroes of the gods and the beasts were given a place among the stars for their good deeds." Steve explained with a small shrug."Technically, I think your mother was inspired by the story."

I gave a slightly amused look at the blond to his explanation before mimicking a false yawn."God, I understand better why I hated history so much now. So annoying."

"Not funny." He grumbled, banging his shoulder against mine again."If you had listened better during your history classes, you would have known who I was from the beginning."

"It wouldn't have stopped me from hitting you." I retorted in a singing tone, breathing a new breath of calm laughter from Steve. "If we base ourselves on your theory, you could totally be one of those stars. I mean, look at you. The brightest of all."

Unsurprisingly, the blond blushes in a color almost as bright as a tomato letting me shake my head with a gasp of laughter.

Steve gave me a timid look as a small smile stretched his lips in hesitation. "You believe that?"

"Well let's see. A hero? I mean, you're a super soldier who saved the planet by sacrificing himself. Favored of the gods? Maybe not gods but I'm pretty sure you have a lot of fans." I explained in the concentration as I counted on my fingers his skills before creasing my lips, decisive "All the boxes are filled. You can access the world of stars, Captain Rogers."

"Oh really? Can I?" Steve puffed visibly amused before giving me a sharp look. "What about you?"

"What about me?" I was distracted as I let myself be distracted by the usual noise of the city before giving an incredulous look at the blond in the realization."Hell, no! Have you looked at me? Totally not a hero. A beast at most."

Steve frowned visibly in disagreement before narrowing his lips to his side in a pout. "It's wrong and you know it. You also fought for the country. And you help all these people daily."

"It still doesn't make me a hero." I asked, giving him a knowing side look. "Sorry but you have to go on this trip alone, Stevie."

Once again, my response seemed to displease him as he frowned more sharply before returning his gaze straight ahead. I raised an eyebrow in expectation of an answer only he remained silent. I chewed the inside of my cheek immediately in worry. I did not really know what I had done but it was obvious that I had fucked up somewhere.

Not really knowing how to handle the situation, I looked away before crossing my arms against my chest to warm me up. His heat began to fade with his sudden change of mood.

Finally, Steve let out a sigh as he focused his agitated gaze on his hands crossed over his legs."I don't want to go on this trip alone."

I paused at his visibly heavy admission of meaning before wringing my lips in uncertainty. Without really thinking, I took one of his hands in mine to give him a little pressure before holding his azure look as he turned his head towards me. His eyes were so emotional at that moment that I did not really know how to react. It was evident that he wore more in him than he let appear. It was a fact that I had already realized before but in that moment, under the dim lighting, I could see how lonely he felt.

"I don't know about the stars but I can say that I don't intend to get tired of you anytime soon."I assured myself with a teasing little smile in the hope of lightening the atmosphere.

"Oh really?" The blond questioned as a wide, happy smile flashed over his lips."What if I get tired of you?"

"Well, I guess I just have to follow you as I did in my investigations. I think you're fully aware of my spinning abilities."

This time, Steve was the only one to pressing my hand in a feeling of comfort as he grinned."It's reassuring."

"I know."

Finally, my guilt and dark thoughts soon returned to the back of my mind as I stood by Steve's side. The latter hastened to embark on a memory he had with Bucky letting me listen with attention. It was always interesting and honestly exciting to hear him talk about his time.

He was more relaxed allowing me to take in his calm and sincerely happy expression. It was obvious that he missed his friend but he seemed to be better at managing the situation. A more egocentric part of me alleviated my guilt feeling as I attributed me some merit to his evolution.

It was well after midnight when the wind and cold night air became too much for me.

Steve was in the middle of an adventure with Bucky about a refrigerated truck and some redhead who caught Bucky's interest when I got up in an attempt to warm my limbs numb by the cold.

"Everything is okay?" Steve asked with concern.

"Just a little cold, that's all." I reassured myself unimportantly as I began to hop on tiptoe."A little exercise and I could sit and listen to your stories until the early hours."

Steve gave a little chest laugh to my statement before getting up in turn leaving me an arched an eyebrow in question. "I guess I could use a little exercise too. I'm starting to have ants in my legs."

"Liar. You could probably stay for hours without moving and you would be as fresh as a flower." I asked with a slight frown. "Stupid super serum. "

Steve took another step in my direction as he smirked. "Is it jealousy?"

"Ha, you wish." I scoffed sniffing as I could feel my nose sinking slightly before bending my head as I noticed he was continuing to move towards me. "Uh ... what are you doing?"

His sly smile soon turned into a shy one as he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Well ... we both need exercises-"

"Sounds like something sexual, Stevie." I teased with mischief.

The blond immediately rolled his eyes before surprising me despite myself as he grabbed my hand to pull me to him. I let a little cry of surprise as I was just catching up on his muscular chest before immediately lifting my eyes on the blond. He had the audacity to display a little sheepish smile as he took my hand in his before putting his other on the bottom of my back. Even before I could question his actions, he began to swing us in a slow and measured pace.

Realizing his intentions, I rolled my eyes before adjusting my grip on his hand as I put my other on his shoulder."You're aware that there is no music."

"Why not sing then?" Suggested the blond with mischief.

"Oh believe me, you don't want to hear me sing." I defended myself with a mortified look at the simple thought.

Its piqued Steve's interest as he raised his eyebrows with a curious smile. "I'm sure it's not so bad."

"Even if you offer me the wealth of your friend tin can, I will not sing." I decreed with a decisive look.

"Tin can? Ha, Tony will love this." He commented with a smirk of mischief.

"Well, I cannot sing but I guess I can hum." I suggested nonchalantly.

Steve nodded expectantly, letting me think for a moment about a choice of music. Strangely, Falling - Civil Wars pops up in my thoughts letting me begin to hum in a slow rhythm. Our dance became a little more orderly as I rested my head on his shoulder in a feeling of peace.

We were so close now that I could hear his heart beating loudly in his chest. He was powerful and strangely irregular. I frowned before raising my eyes again on the blond. The latter wore a small smile of contentment making me swallow despite myself.

I immediately turned my eyes to his chest as I tried to unravel the mystery of his strange beating before pushing this type of thoughts to the back of my mind. There was nothing to be alarmed about.

I did not really remember when we stopped dancing to return to sit against the wall. Or even how I ended up with my head on his shoulder but I was suddenly very aware of our position when I was suddenly awakened by the bright rays of the sun.

I rubbed my eyes as I tried to tame the sleeping bubble before giving a new look at the tall blond by my side. Somewhere during the night, he had finished with his arm around me while I had nested in his side. I could feel a slight warmth along my cheeks as I realized that.

However, my attention was soon to be challenged by the beauty of the blond. Even more when he seemed to sleep peacefully. It was almost unreal. I had not woken up with a man for several years now but I could always say how nice it was.

In his sleep, he was completely vulnerable and it gave me a real access to his face. There was no weight or responsibility and no creases between his eyebrows. It was just Steve. And I realized that was enough.

A simple smile appeared on my lips as I took in his childish face before he let a little breath in his return to consciousness.

Without really thinking, I nested myself again in his side with my eyes closed. I did not really know why but I could suddenly feel my heart speeding up in my chest as Steve tensed under me.

Obviously, he had woken up.

It was probably childish but I continued to feign my sleep.

However, I was not slow in suddenly holding my breath as I felt his trembling fingers reach for my face. He slowly swept a lock of hair from my forehead, letting my throat feel dry.

It was dangerously intimate and disconcerting. I could hear my heart beating like the wings of a hummingbird. It was fast and powerful.

Becoming more and more alarmed by the turn of events, I slowly opened my eyes just to meet Steve's wide and guilty look as he paused with his hand in the air.

I swallowed as I let my eyes travel between his blushing face and his hand before turning my gaze back to Steve as I let out a weak uncertain breath."Morning."

"Morning, Dan." He gave me a warm smile in response, letting me swallow again.

I hastened to straighten up before looking awkwardly around us as I could still feel my heart pounding in my chest.

I could feel that blush again along my cheeks as Steve's hoarse and groggy voice sent a strange sensation down my belly."I think we fell asleep."

"Y-yeah." I stammered in confusion before putting as much distance between us as I got up trying to tame my hair in self-consciousness."I ... uh ... look like it."

Steve got up in his turn looking totally ignorant of the raging emotions inside me."We should probably go down."

"Mhm?" I was visibly distracted before registering what he had just said. "Oh yes, yes. I have to get ready for the office anyway so ..."

I started immediately as I passed the blond suddenly confused by my change of behavior. He hastened to follow me with a slight frown that I just ignored.

Instead, I continued my way to our hallway before finally stopping in front of my door. I raised my eyes still disturbed on the blond as he also stopped at his door with a smile in my direction.

The simple sight was enough to revive my heart in a race forcing me to farewell in hurry."Well, have a nice day, Steve."

"Yeah, you t-"

I did not even wait for the end of his sentence as I rushed into the security of my apartment before suddenly leaning against the door in a feeling of panic. I could still feel my heart pounding against my chest.

At that moment, I realized another particularly disturbing fact. For the first time in over three years, I didn't feel panicked or even haunted by Ben's memory. Just because I didn't wake up with a start or even a layer of sweat.

_No, I had not dreamed of the night. I was completely and undeniably rested._

I let go of the handle in a total feeling of incomprehension before bringing my hand against my chest to try to understand.

However, the footstep at the other end of the hallway forced me to suddenly lift my head just to meet Kate's confused gaze. "Dan? I thought-you weren't in your room?"

"I went running." I covered quickly as I pushed myself out of the door in a hurry before passing her on the way.

I ignored her confused call as she took in my outfit with disbelief. "In your pajamas?"

I rushed to slam the door of my room to block her before letting me rest against it. I released a confused breath before putting my hand against my chest. That stupid heart seemed to be back to normal.

I frowned as I lowered my eyes to my chest where my heart was before shaking my head.

_It made absolutely no sense. And I was not about to try to understand._


	23. Brave enough to see it

_"There are those who say fate is something beyond our command. That destiny is not our own. But I know better. Our fate live within us, you only have to be brave enough to see it."_ Unknow

* * *

As usual, Steve made his way into the Triskelion after his morning on the roof with Danae. He was still uncertain as to what to believe but he knew he trusted her. There was no doubt. No matter what she was hiding from him, it could not be so bad. _Right?_

He frowned at the mere thought before shaking his head as he made his way into the gym. He had a sparring session with Natasha.

Not surprisingly, he was not long in seeing the redhead in question. She was already in the ring at the center of the gym with her yoga pants, a hoodie and a usual tank top for their session.

"Good morning, Steve!" She greeted with a high, slightly pinched voice as she began to stretch with a slight grimace.

He raised an eyebrow in question as he put his gym bag on one of the stools. "Morning, Natasha. How was your night?"

"No eventful." She replied with a nonchalant shrug and her famous secret smile. "You?"

This time, Steve found himself smiling broadly as he thought back to the night he had passed. He could not say that he had not had some reserve when he was on the roof. He had heard her leave her apartment. He had the pattern and the sound her footsteps recorded in his head at this point. He was always on the alert when it came to Danae and he was taking every bone she threw at him.

It was strange and disconcerting to see how he became addicted.

Nevertheless, he did not regret for a moment that he went looking for her. Their discussion had led to something more. Much more in their relationship and he knew she was one of his best friends. Maybe even the only friend he had right now.

Waking at her side, reminded him of times when he was waking up next to Bucky after their boyish night out. Except that Danae was definitely a nicer view of waking up next.

Realizing that Natasha seemed to gauge him with a small smirk, he cleared his throat."Nothing extraordinary."

"Really? Because the thoughtful look and the permanent smile say something else." Natasha challenged as she raised her eyebrows with mischief.

He frowned as he entered the ring before giving her an emissive look. "I can't smile without having a hidden motive?"

He had to admit that Danae's tactics of changing conversation tended to rub off on him. Even Natasha gave him a surprised look as she crossed her arms over her chest. A still fresh memory of her meeting with a person who had the same gift of turning the tables so easily.

"See ? I could have believed you if it wasn't so obvious that you spent time with this feisty little neighbor." Replied the Russian agent as she set in position for their usual training. "So ... I guess it's better between you too ?"

"What do you mean ?" He asked with a puzzled frown.

Natasha shrugged her shoulders with an easy, calm smile before quickly parrying her attack."You were in a bad mood for the last three days. And now you're glowing like a schoolgirl."

She leaned to the side to start circling him, forcing Steve to do the same with a bored look at her allusion.

Normally, Steve was used to defending himself with his shield. But he could not really relay only on his weapon of choice. Hence the reason he regularly had this type of session with Natasha. It was relatively based on learning combat tactics and combinations.

Deciding to forget her entire hint, he focused more on their session. He made sure to execute the movements she had already taught him while trying to block the new ones.

It was like a kind of random choreography for them. It was enough to throw and avoid. It was in those moments that Steve felt completely at ease. He was back in a familiar field and the exercise on his muscles was enough to make him forget the rest.

Natasha was fast and precise in her movements. Strong enough to take him despite her size. She used the slightest weakness to her advantage and forced him to move to another place.

_She was in three words: a real opponent._

* * *

"Are you aware of the impact this case will have on my sex life?"

I rolled my eyes to Jay's statement as I posted a new list of information about the Winter Soldier on one of his walls. We decided to move our research to his room. His walls were now covered with newspaper clippings and encrypted web pages.

_It was the safest now._

We did not know if the Shield was aware of Jay's involvement or even what they planned to do next. For now, we just had to continue with our investigations and continue in secret.

I took a step back by crossing my arms over my chest before turning to him with sarcasm."Right, because your sex life is significantly more important than a corrupt government organization. No, that's right, you're absolutely right. It's not like they want to destroy a whole section of the population or anything."

Jay immediately apologized to me as a playwright before shaking his head in despair. "I hate when you do that."

"What? Telling the truth ?" I asked nonchalantly as I moved to another wall with the list of The ghost victims in my hands.

"You're a real drama queen you know that?" Jay replied as he moved to his dresser, where the pizza he had ordered earlier rested. He took a part before biting in with boredom. I raised an eyebrow as he signed the picture of the soldier. "You know, he looks familiar."

I immediately turned to the photo still somewhat disturbed by his blank look before arching an eyebrow at Jay. "Familiar? How so ?"

"I don't know ... it's just an impression." He declared with a puzzling crease between his eyebrows.

I wrinkled my lips in the reflection as I looked back at the picture before I immediately looked for my phone to feel a vibration along my pocket. I swallowed at the sight of Kate's ID before giving Jay a look.

"What? Is this this Shield agent again?" He panicked.

"Kate." I answered as a simple explanation before leaving the room at the sight of his expression. I brought the phone to my ear as I picked up. "Hello? "

"Dee? Where are you ?" She asked in a strangely nervous voice.

I frowned at the suspicion as I looked over my shoulder at Jay before crossing my free arm on my middle." I'm at the office. Why ?"

"I think you should go home." She said in a tight voice causing me to magnify my frown at her strange behavior. "We have a little ... a situation."

"A situation ? What's going on, Kate?" I asked immediately in anticipation.

I did not wait for her answer to go to the couch to get my black blazer. Its stung Jay as he hastened to join me while I kept my attention on my conversation with Kate.

"I think you should see it for yourself."

I could feel my heart picking up a little in worry as I tightened my grip on my phone. "It's like the last time? A water leaks. Or something more serious?"

"Uh ... I don't really know." The blonde hesitated before resuming quickly. "But please come back soon!"

I nodded firmly at the agreement of her voice despite the fact that she couldn't see me. "Fine, I'll there as soon as possible."

I hung up to put on my blazer in a hurry before finally catching Jay's eyes. The latter had a shared look between nervousness and curiosity.

"I'm going to have to go back to the apartment." I announced as I readjusted the collar of my blazer before leaning over to retrieve my handbag and my pair of high white and black Vans. I sat on the couch to put them on. "I don't know what's going on but she seemed really nervous. And believe me, Kate isn't the nervous kind."

"What if it was a trap?" Jay at once said with his arms crossed over his chest. "You'll throw yourself straight into the wolf's mouth, Dee."

I straightened my laces once before giving him a flat look on the way to the door. "She's been my roommate for almost two years now. I think if she wanted to trap me it would already be done. "

"Have you already forgotten that I saw Shield agents at the hospital the other day?" He reminded me irritably at my lack of prudence.

"And as if by chance, she's the first to see you when you wake up."

"She's a nurse." I recalled in my turn with slight disbelief. "It's her job."

"What if she was not really a nurse? If it was her cover ?" The brown said as he followed me to the exit before holding the door open as I pivoted to his landing.

I pulled up the sleeves of my blazer up to my elbows before giving him a bored look. "In this case, she's a hell of a good actress. We should give her an Oscar."

"This isn't a joke !" He hissed in annoyance.

I immediately bent my head to the side in consideration before giving him a sure look."Believe me, I know it. But I can't suspect everyone."

"I preferred when you were that bitch who was pushing everyone away." He said between his clenched teeth. "At least she didn't trust everyone."

This time, I was looking a little offended as I crossed my arms over my chest in annoyance."I'll talk to you later, Jay. "

With that, I turned on my heels without a word before heading straight for his elevator.

Once in the metal cage, I allowed myself to focus my attention on the case of Kate. I knew that some of Jay's arguments were valid._Truthful same._ I had always known that something was wrong with Kate but I just could not believe such a thing.

_Honestly, Kate, a spy? It was impossible. Or, at least, I didn't want to believe it._

That would mean that everything she had ever told me or even said would be a lie. I could already feel the weight of betrayal hovering in the back of my mind at this simple hypothesis.

I shook my head at the mere thought before deciding to focus more on why she had seemed so panicked on the other end of the phone. I knew she had always made sense for dramaturgy when it came to furniture. She was as skilled with tools as a newborn learning to walk.

It was just impossible.

I still remembered the time the kitchen sink was clogged. She had not set a foot in the kitchen until I had taken care of it.

Realizing that it could very well happen again, I decided to jump into the first taxi crossing my path. I was trying to think of plausible possibilities for her call all the way.

Finally, I came with three plausible hypotheses. Either it was to connect to the furniture, the electronics or then more alarming possibility Natasha had entered our apartment.

I was not particularly fond of the last hypothesis hence the reason why I hastened to pay the taxi before running to reach the lobby of our building. I took the stairs two at a time at a run before finally catching my breath once on our floor.

I wiped a light trickle of sweat at the roots of my hair before heading to our door. I could feel my nerves twitching as I replayed my last conversation with the ex-assassin.

_If she was really behind that door then god help me because I did not know what I would do._

I took a deep breath as I rolled my fingers around the handle before finally throwing myself into the water.

However, what I was discovering was far from matching any of my alarming scenarios.

"Auntie Dan! "

I did not even have time to fully understand the situation as a small head of brown cacao curls emerged from the couch before rushing on me. I reacted quickly as I dropped my bag to catch the little monster rushing on me. I lifted him off the floor as he gave a cheerful little laugh before locking his chubby little arms around my neck to give me a hug.

"Hey there, Johnny." I gasped in a laugh as his little curls tickled my neck."What are you doing here ?"

The little five-year-old pulled his head off my neck to look at me with a broad smile, all teeth outside except for at least one front tooth."Mommy said I was going to have two sleepovers with you."

I immediately paused at this statement in surprise and a bad feeling before suddenly looking for my sister. I crossed the hallway with Johnny attached to my hip before quickly scanning the living room for a mahogany brown head.

Unfortunately, all I found was a visibly uncomfortable and sorry Kate.

I turned my attention to Johnny as he began to play absent-mindedly with my hair."I missed you, auntie."

"Ooh, I missed you too, sweetie." I cajoled back before moving into the living room with a questioning look on the blonde. "Where's Alli?"

"She left." Johnny answered in Kate's place, letting me frown.

"She left ?" I repeated, casting my wide look of disbelief on Kate.

She nodded in anticipation."Yeah, uh, she didn't really leave me a choice. She came, drop Johnny, said you had to keep him for the weekend and left immediately. She also left a memo."

_Typical Allison._

I held a sigh as I returned my attention to the little brown in my arms before showing a tender smile to his little chubby broth. "Mommy has not changed, huh."

Johnny let out a laugh before waving in my arms as he pointed the ground. " On the ground. I want to go to the ground."

"Okay, buddy." I agreed with a broad smile before crossing my arms over my chest in admiration as he walked around the sofa to settle on the carpet where his toys were.

Clearly, Alli had absolutely let nothing to lose. I could see Johnny's things against the wall and his cot, which meant that she was planning to give him to me for the weekend.

I finally let out a small sigh before raising my eyes on Kate in defeat. "Where's the note?"

"The kitchen counter." Was her only answer as she gave a new uncertain smile about Johnny as he showed her his favorite dinosaur.

I shook my head with a small smirk before turning to read the note. I unfolded the simple piece of paper lay on the counter before taking in the familiar graphic writing of my sister.

_Dan,_

_I need to take a step back. I leave you Johnny for the weekend._

_Thank you,_

_Alli_

_Typical._

Accurate and on the point. It left no room for the request or even an explanation. She just expected me to do what she asks me to do. It was not really a surprise to be honest. She had always been like this since the death of our parents. She felt that my selfish teenage behavior allowed her to be like that with me as an adult.

I closed my eyes by pinching the bridge of my nose as I realized the arrangements I was going to have to make for the weekend. Of course, I could not really work on the investigation when my nephew was present. More than that, I did not really want to.

Despite the rocky relationship between his mother and me, I loved this little angel more than anything in the world.

I turned to Johnny's agreement, chanting a nursery rhyme distractedly, leaving the note in my fist. I threw the paper ball into the trash before returning to the sofa where Kate was currently with a dinosaur in her hands. A lost expression and some doubtful contorted her usually so assured features.

A new smile appeared on my lips in plain sight before I sat next to her with my eyes fixed on Johnny."I guess that was the situation."

"_Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo …"_

I let an amused snort as Johnny began to shake his little butt before getting up to rush on us singing. I quickly grabbed the little brown in my arms before installing him between us as he continued to stir. He immediately nestled in my side while patting his little fingers on the top of my hand.

Kate seemed completely overwhelmed at the scene as she immediately looked up at me."How do you do that? "

"Do what?" I asked with my eyes focused on the little ball of energy at my side.

"That ... you just learned that your sister left him to you and it's like it's nothing." She pointed to my relatively serene expression before frowning. "I could hardly do anything when she left him to me."

I winced at the reminder of her meeting probably less than pleasant with my sister before giving her a grateful smile. "Thank you for watching him in the meantime."

"Well, I didn't really have a choice." She recalled with an eyebrow raised over Johnny's curly head to leave a small smile nonetheless."But it was not so horrible."

I left a smile of my own as Johnny began to roll his little car along my thighs. "He's not really hard to keep. I'm right, buddy?"

"Mhm." He agreed absently with a serious nod.

It was obvious that he did not really know what we were talking about, but he always did that.

I turned my eyes to Kate before seeing her posture still somewhat uncomfortable. "You can leave us if you want. I have the situation under control."

At that moment, Kate would not get up any faster. I held a breath of laugh as she hastened to put as much distance between her and Johnny before displaying a shameful expression at the sight of my glance. She silently signed the door behind her before slipping away.

"Where did the lady go?" Johnny asked as he lifted his little blue-eyed of baby's head.

"She's in her room. Now ... what did say about a snack?" I asked, widening my eyes to amuse him.

At the mention of food, Johnny shook his head quickly before jumping off the couch hopping."I want to eat. Eat, eat, eat."

"Okay, okay, buddy." I chuckled as I stood up to look through the things Alli had left me.

I was not long in finding a compote to drink and a small donut for baby in his diaper bag. I took the bag and the booster to tie it to one of the kitchen stools. I squeezed the straps to make sure he was not going to fall until I turned to the little brown following me.

"Come on, hop!"

I let a small breath strangled at his weight pulling my arms before putting him in the booster. I tied him up, making sure it was not too tight before returning his little car as I walked around the counter. I quickly put the compote and his donuts before removing the cap of the compote.

"Thank you." He agreed politely as I handed him the compote before starting to suck the liquid with satisfaction.

Since he did not really need me, I took care of filling his bottle with the bottle of vitamin water that Alli had left me before putting it in his carry.

A light beep coming from my phone called to me, letting me take my fascinated eyes off Johnny and take it out of my pocket. I quickly clicked on the little envelope announcing a message before hastening to reassure Jay. I warned him that I could not really came to his apartment all weekend long before quickly putting my phone in silent mode.

I wanted to make the most of this impromptu break.

* * *

That was probably why I did not really react to the charge that Alli had just put on my arm.

Certainly, I was a little bored of her action towards Kate since she had left my nephew to someone she did not even know. Even if she was my roommate. She had obviously been uncomfortable and uncertain about how to act. It was not the kind of thing for what she signed and I was a little ashamed of my sister's behavior. Clearly, it caught her off guard. Even more so when I accepted the situation unconditionally. Not to mention she was still not used to having a child around the apartment. It was quickly seen last night. She had been a real sight to watch. She had walked on more toys than I could count and she was still shocked when she had surprised us to play in the living room when she woke up.

Suffice to say that she had been more than happy when I informed her that she would have the apartment for herself this afternoon.

I had planned to take Johnny to the park after his nap before visiting Robbie and Davis. The couple had heard Johnny on the phone last night and since then Robbie had not stopped sending me messages to ask me when I expected to take Johnny for her.

To be honest, she managed to get me on the phone only because she called Kate's phone. I had not really had time to look at my phone since Johnny's arrival. He was a real electric battery and did not give me much time for me.

Nevertheless, that did not stop me from thinking back to Steve as soon as I had the opportunity. It was like I did not really have control over my thoughts. I was preparing food for Johnny and I found myself thinking about Steve. I was helping Johnny build a Lego tower and I found myself thinking about Steve. I tucked Johnny's toys and I was suddenly forced to think of Steve as I was holding a Captain America stuffed toy in my hands.

All in all, I just could not stop thinking about him and I was seriously beginning to question my sanity. It was not normal to think so frequently about her friend.

Moreover, it was not normal to worry constantly about this friend and those even if you knew he was working in a corrupt yet, I just could not stop wondering if they were going to end up sending him on a mission too many. The one where he would realize later that he had killed the good guys instead of the supposed bad guys.

_And again, I found myself thinking of him._

I let out a deep sigh as I dropped back on the couch in a sudden feeling of fatigue. It seems as if my dream of the other day was just a transient passage in my sleep routine.

A more confusing part of myself kept telling me that it had to do with Steve's presence but I was striving to ignore it all together. After all, it made no sense. _Why would I suddenly sleep better because he was at my side?_

"Everything is okay?" Kate asked suddenly, settling at my sides with a cup of coffee stretched out in my direction.

I took the steaming cup in gratitude before leaving a tired smile."No, it's just ... well, for a child, he's definitely energetic."

"Yeah? I really don't know how you do it. You hardly seem shaken." The blonde commented, taking a sip from her cup before taking it between her two hands with a thoughtful air. "I didn't know you had a sister."

I paused at her statement before slowly swallowing my sip of coffee."Yeah about that ... it's not really the kind of relationship so ..."

"Yeah, I noticed." Kate scoffed with a flat look."Especially when she entered our apartment without knocking before asking if I was her unworthy sister's girlfriend."

I tilted my head, narrowing my lips to this new hint of information before talking between my clenched teeth. "Typical. She could have said a lot worse."

"Oh, she did." Kate added at once with a grimace of disdain. "It's definitely your sister. She swears like a sailor."

I let out a laugh in response before suddenly stiffening myself at the agreement of songs coming from my room ajar. Kate immediately turned her head visibly as alert, letting me smile back.

"Well, looks like the break is over." I announced as I took a last sip of my coffee before putting it on the coffee table as I got up.

I took Johnny's diaper bag on my way before turning on the light in my room.

"Auntie!" Exclaimed Johnny at once as his little curly head emerged from his umbrella bed.

"Hey, little one." I whispered as I walked towards him before taking him quickly in my arms."Sleep well?"

"Mhm, I want to go to the park." He declared already in a good mood.

_On this point, he was not my nephew. I was a disaster when I woke up._

I shook my head as I tried to tame his messy curls with my hand before putting him on my bed to dress him up. It was still nice outside for a month of September but there was a slight cold wind. So, I opted for a little dark gray jean with a white short-sleeved t-shirt and a gray Nike sweater on top. Given the quality of his clothes, I assumed that Allison was using my checks at a profit.

Once dressed, I helped him down from my bed listening to him babble about what he wanted to do at the park before following him into the living room.

Kate was nowhere in sight.

I smiled knowingly before giving a look at my watch. He had only slept an hour. I assumed we could go to the park before taking an ice cream on the way to Robbie and Davis.

I made sure to prepare his bag carefully before taking the little pair of white sneakers with a nostalgic smile on my lips. That would have been my life if things had not gone so bad for me.

I could feel the emotions assaulting me again as I swallowed in an attempt to keep tears at bay.

I finally let out a sigh before straightening my shoulders as Johnny timidly made his way to me with his stuffed Captain America in his arms."When does Mommy come back, auntie?"

"She's coming back soon, sweetie." I assured myself as I knelt on one knee to be his height before counting with him. "Do you remember what she said? Two dodos. We have already done one. There is only one left."

Johnny pouted for a moment before quickly changing his mood as he jumped to his feet again."Are we going to the park? "

"You must put the shoes on before." I remember as I showed the pair of sneakers before smiling as he rushed to the couch in a clumsy run.

I was eager to help him put on his shoes before recovering my long navy-blue gilet and a cap of the same color. I had opted for a casual style for today. A simple torn boyfriend style jean with a white T-shirt with a loose V-neck and a pair of low white converse.

I threw the strap of my brown bag over my shoulder as I headed for Kate's room. I knocked three short knocks against the wood before half opening her door to warn her of our departure.

"Do you need car keys? "

"Nope, I think we'll enjoy the sun." I answered immediately before adding maliciously. "And I doubt you're hiding a child seat in your trunk."

She grimaced in realization before shrugging her shoulders. "Right."

I reminded her to take advantage of our absence, to which she replied with a simple roll of her eyes.

I shook my head as I closed the door behind me before opening my arms to Johnny. "Ready for the park? "

"Yes!" He exclaimed in excitement, letting me reach for him.

He immediately squeezed my hand letting me guide him to the exit. I'd been helping him down the stairs since he was having a bit of trouble with the wide steps.

"I want to play ball. And fly Cap-cap'merica." He announced in enthusiasm, letting me shake my head without taking my eyes off him as I helped him down another step.

I turned my pace with his as we walked to reach the last set of stairs.

However, I definitely did not expect to hear the familiar voice of a certain blond."Dan?"

I froze immediately on the last step as I lifted my head just to meet his confused gaze. I felt my heart leap in my throat as he let his blue eyes travel between my form and Johnny's lower one with a question mark.

My moment of internal panic was quickly interrupted by Johnny's shy little voice as he hastened to hide behind my legs. "Auntie Dan, who's the man?"

Putting my eyes on Steve, I could imagine the wheels in his head as he took in the title used by Johnny. Then, his gaze fell on me waiting for an explanation.

"Steve, hey." I greeted him as I helped Johnny down the last step despite his reluctance before making the presentations. "Steve, it's Johnny Storm, my sister's son. Johnny-"

I watched as he hid deeper behind my legs to hide himself from the unknown man before giving a weak sigh as I bent to pull him from behind my legs.

I kneeled on one knee and put my hand on his shoulder before signing Steve with a small encouraging smile. "Sweetie, it's Steve. He's a friend of auntie."

"A f-friend?" He stammered in hesitation before frowning in confusion. "Where's Uncle Ben?"

I took a deep breath visibly disturbed by his question before forcing a sympathetic smile on my lips. "No, not like that, buddy. He's a friend of auntie. Like your friend Reed."

"Like Reed?"

"Mhm, mhm." I huffed in acceptance before straightening up as he turned fully to Steve to watch him.

He had to literally lean his head back to take up all his height letting me let out a laugh before picking him up in my arms to help him.

He immediately tightened his little arms around my neck before whispering in my ear."Whoa... he's a giant."

It had the gift of displaying a slight uncertain smile on Steve's lips as he turned his eyes to me as he swallowed. "I didn't know you had a nephew. "

"Surprise?" I winced with a shy smile. The blond gave me a simple flat look."Sorry, I wanted to talk to you about him at some point. But it looks like I don't need it anymore."

"That's why you didn't answer my texts?" He asked, almost sounding relieved.

"Your texts ?" I raised an eyebrow in surprise before adjusting Johnny's weight on my hip in the realization. "Oh, right. I put my phone in silent mode. I didn't really have time to look at it."

Finally, Johnny chose this moment to come out of his shell as he suddenly showed his Captain America stuffed toy in the direction of Steve with a broad smile. "I like Cap-cap'merica. And you ? "

"Oh ... uh ..."

I gave a wide, hilarious smile at the sight of Steve's embarrassed expression before helping him as I pushed the embarrassing teddy from his face. "He also loves Captain America. But it's not right to push your stuffed toys into people's faces."

"It's true ? You like Cap-cap'merica?" He exclaimed visibly ignorant of my reprimand as he jumped into my arms in excitement. "He's strong. And mom says she's beautiful."

I let out a breath of incredulous laughter at the sight of Steve's wide stare before shaking my head as he forced a tense smile on his pink lips.

I shook my head as I looked at Johnny. "We say _he_'s beautiful, baby. Captain America is beautiful."

I gave a mischievous look as I could see that famous pink blush along his cheeks to my hidden compliment before he swallowed in discomfort.

He finally signed the stairs in a way out of this moment obviously uncomfortable for him."I didn't want to delay you. So ... See you later, Dan?"

"Sur-"

"Auntie Dan, the sir is coming with us to the park?" Johnny asked with a spark of hope in his royal blue eyes.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise and uncertainty before turning to Steve who had stopped in the middle of the stairs just as let his nervous eyes fly again between Johnny and me making my lips crease in nervousness.

With the latest events, I was not sure this was the best solution. I reacted strangely to his side and these even stranger thoughts had the gift of making me perplexed.

At that thought, I immediately lowered my smile as I turned to Johnny. "Sweetie, Steve probably-"

"I want to come." Interrupted the blond in hesitation as he descended the stairs with his raised eyebrows in a request for silent permission. "Well, if it's not a problem?"

"Yes!" Exclaimed Johnny, pumping his fist holding his stuffed toy in the air.

I swallowed as I turned my attention to Johnny's excited face before nodding slowly to Steve."This is not a problem. We went to the then at Robbie and Davis."

Steve knew exactly what she was doing. She listed all their schedules to allow him an exit. She knew that meeting new people was not the easiest task for him. And yet, she allowed him to have an even more advanced step in her life. It was obvious that her nephew was important if she had not told him about it. She tended to keep this kind of personal thing hidden.

So offered to spend time with her and her nephew felt like a whole new course for the advancement of their friendship.

Finally, Danae put her nephew back on the floor, taking his little hand in her. Steve took a moment to look for the similarities between them as the little brown confided his stuffed toy to Dan before suddenly freezing as he felt a small hand kicking his knee.

Danae's quiet laugh forced him to lift his wide eyes from Johnny's small, tense hand for his amused face."Well, it looks like your patriotic charm is also working on children."

Steve gave an uncertain new look at Johnny as he squeezed and loosened his chubby little fingers waiting for his hand.

Finally, he slowly slipped his large hand into his.

Johnny showed the biggest unimaginable smile as Danae took the lead, forcing Steve to follow them to avoid pulling on her nephew's arm.

The walk to the park started quite slow and awkward as they all tried to adjust to the strange position their trio represented. Only, Steve was quick to relax with a strangely happy smile on his lips as Johnny hastened to fill the silence between them.

He embarked on a rant on who was the best 'venger for him. It was obviously a very common topic for children and although he should be nervous about hearing from a five-year-old child, he could not help but appreciate his praises.

One fact that Danae seemed fully conscious as she raised her eyebrows in his direction every time he brought Cap-cap'merica. His alter-ego name was too long for Johnny to say. But he almost liked that title.

Except during his shows at the USO, he had never really been brought into contact with a child and he was surprised to realize that he appreciated this moment more than he had imagined. It was truly refreshing and curiously soothing to see how Danae interacted with her nephew. The way she listened and cajoled him was fascinating to him. Even though she had never mentioned him before, it was obvious that she cared a lot for him.

They ended up settling on a play bench so they could keep an eye on Johnny as he darted toward the swings in excitement.

Steve watched with a small smile on his lips as he noticed the little brown approaching another little boy. He was definitely more confident than he had ever been in his youth.

"Look at you! You almost look like a proud dad." Dan suddenly taunted, pointing her index finger in his cheek to annoy him.

Only, Steve just smiled broadly amused as he slapped her finger gently, shrugging his shoulders."Maybe a little bit. I mean, not the part about his-his dad but ... I've never been so confident to make friends."

"But you had Bucky." Dan reminded as she turned to watch Johnny again. "Plus, it's better to focus on quality than quantity."

"Buck was more than enough for me." He conceded with a serious nod.

Only the atmosphere was soon lightened again as Johnny rushed at them. Dan leaned forward immediately to catch him before giving him a hug as he squeezed his little arms around his to catch him in the middle. Steve found himself watching the duet with a new smile of contentment.

It was strange but he could almost feel a rope pulled on his heart as he realized it was something, he imagined he had.

_A family._

_At one point, he wanted to have a family._

However, he did not really have time to think more about this new discovery as Johnny broke away from Dan to rush at him.

He restrained himself on his thigh with a broad smile amused at his expression as he began to hop on the spot pulling on his hand."Come push me."

He raised his eyebrows at first before giving an uncertain look at Dan as if to ask permission. The brunette at his side let her eyes take in their duet with a slight frown.

Finally, she put her hand on Johnny's shoulder to calm him down a bit. "I'm going to push you, okay? "

"No, I want Steve." Johnny objected, pushing her hand away from his shoulder, letting Dan stand up, gaping.

Steve felt a sense of guilt immediately as a hurt emotion crossed her heart-shaped face before turning his eyes to Johnny. "Maybe you should go play with your aunt."

"But I want you to push me." He insisted, pulling more on his hand.

The feeling of a hand on his shoulder forced Steve to take his eyes off the little brown to meet Dan's amused smile."You should go. "

"You sure ? "

"Certainly." Dan asserted, getting up with her bag before signing the ice-creamer."Meanwhile, I'm going to get the ice cream."

"Ice cream ! Ice cream ! I want an ice cream, auntie Dan." Exclaimed Johnny immediately as he jumped further into the excitement.

Dan let out a laugh, forcing a smile on Steve's lips as he watched her kneel at the height of her nephew. "I'm going to get ice cream, but on the condition that you're nice to Steve, okay? You listen to him. "

Steve swallowed at the confidence she seemed entrusted to him to watch her nephew before looking with a new smile as Johnny shook his head eagerly before joining his side to take his hand in his.

Unlike the first time, Steve accepted his little hand without a problem before watching Dan as she got up. "You're really sure ?"

"You saved the world twice already. I think taking care of a little boy is a piece of cake for you." Dan teased confidently before crossing her arms over her chest. "Anyway, how do you like your ice cream?"

"Oh, let me find my-"

Dan stopped him at once to feel the pockets of his jeans for his wallet with a raised hand."Nonsense. You watch my nephew. I pay for ice cream. And it's final. So, what perfume?"

"Uh ... vanilla."

"Ha, obviously you're a vanilla guy." Dan scoffed with a snort before giving Johnny a warning look with a secret smile. "I'll be right back. You can go play on the swing. "

Steve did not even have time to watch her walk away as Johnny immediately tugged on his arm in the hope of making him move.

Obviously, it was useless but he finally moves to follow him anyway.

He could see the looks he was receiving as he passed by, and he found himself feeling a strange sense of pride as he heard women whispering to each other about his paternal behavior with Johnny. He was not his father of course, but it was always nice to imagine for a moment what he might have.

Finally, he helped Johnny settle on the lowest plastic swings before bending down to ask if he was ready.

"Let's go !" He exclaimed in enthusiasm, letting him push as softly as he could to keep him from falling.

Johnny immediately tightened his little hands on the metal chains, letting him push once more before moving back as he rocked back and forth. His giggles soon resounded in the wind as Steve tried to give small pushes intermittently.

Soon enough, he soon saw Dan redo her way to them with three ice creams in her hands. He hastily stopped the swing so he did not jostle him again before signing Dan with a smile.

Johnny immediately jumped to his feet before starting a clumsy run to his aunt while Steve walked a step closer to join them. Johnny was already engulfing his ice when he stopped at the duo's side.

"Here. Vanilla guy." Dan teased as she handed him his ice cream mischievously before adjusting her bag to her shoulder.

"Thank you." Steve thanked with amusement as he accepted the cone before signing her."What did you take?"

"Cookie dough. My-our favorite." She corrected, hitting her ice against Johnny's. "How was the swing? "

"Mhm, mhm, Uncle Steve pushed me hard."

Steve paused in his tasting just like Dan at the mention of the term uncle before looking anxiously at Dan in anticipation.

However, he was surprised to see a small smile on her lips as she lifted her warm brown eyes on him. "Yep, you're undeniably irresistible, Cap."


	24. Look at him as a friend

_"I look at him as a friend until I realized I loved him." Unknow_

* * *

During this short weekend, much too short in his opinion, Steve had learned a lot about Danae. Not only about her mysterious nephew but also about who she really was with her close friends.

After their tour in the park, Steve had decided to accompany them to Robbie and Davis. Admittedly, it was mostly due to Johnny's hopeful look, but he was sincerely pleased to have agreed to come.  
Of course, Davis had a bit of trouble accepting the fact that Captain America was apparently in their humble home but he had gotten used to it between the meal and the dessert. He had even suggested to Steve to have a beer in the garden to share some time between men.

Robbie had made a sarcastic little comment and Steve had strangely found himself smiling at the scene. She was different from what she was showing in the nursing center. In reality, she was much closer to Danae in terms of personality. Maybe even worse since she was very open and frank in her remarks. There had been many close calls where Dan had to stop her from saying something compromising in front of her nephew.

In the end, he had decided that he loved Robbie and Davis. They were a perfect couple in their strangely imperfect way of functioning. He even agreed to swap his number with Davis to spend some time together when Robbie decided to rob Danae. He found himself blushing at that, but Dan was quick to tell her to shut up with that kind of hint.

Nevertheless, when he thought back, some of him recognized that he spent all his time outside Shield with Dan. And he did not find a single ounce of will in him to admit that he did not like it.  
Obviously the famous conversation of dating and couple arises during the dinner. Steve could not have felt more embarrassed than at this moment.

Johnny had been sleeping in the room of the future unborn baby of the couple. The conversation was basically for adults. Another fact that Steve had learned was that the conversations of that time were much freer and more liberated.

However, he had to admit again that it could have been much worse to overcome if Danae had not been with him. As soon as she sensed that the conversation was deviating too far from his comfort zone, she was quick to intervene to change the subject. This had the gift of making him feel even more respect and guilt towards his only friend. He felt bad for the way he had handled this type of conversation when they were both.

Worse still, he felt stupid for the way he had challenged her word the other day. She had always been there for him and she kept telling him that she was trustworthy.

Internally, Steve had absolutely no doubts about Danae but the relationship they had was so important to him that he could not help but feel ... well, he didn't really know what he was feeling but he knew he would be honestly lost if he learned that she was not the one she claimed.

As he came to realize during their time together, Danae had become an important person in his daily life. Maybe even as much as Bucky on this point.

Unfortunately, this weekend soon turned sour for him the moment he received this notification for an immediate extraction on his phone.

He could not even say goodbye to Johnny.

Especially since Rumlow was pushing his buttons again. And he did not even talk about how Natasha seemed to evade any of his questions about the very purpose of the operations they were doing. Like any worthy spy, she always seemed to have more access than him in every situation and he hated it. He was not made for an espionage organization. He was for whay was right and honesty.

However, he could not really talk about honesty when he could not even really talk about it with Dan. Again, he felt guilty about the way he asked her for answers the other day when he was doing exactly the same thing with his Shield job.

Hence the reason he was in the famous Alfie's bar instead of returning home after his debriefing at Triskelion. He was on the way home when he was past the bar. He had taken a pause in uncertainty before passing the double doors.

Now he was sitting in the bar with a beer, the usual of Danae in his hands.

Being in the middle of the afternoon, the bar was not full. He let himself be rocked by the country music dynamiting of the jukebox in an attempt to drown his thoughts and doubts again.

"I hope it's not going to be a habit, son." Alfie suddenly declared, forcing him to lift his eyes from the bottle in his hands with a sheepish smile. "Because I'm pretty sure I'm not stocked enough to have you on a regular basis."

Steve let out a bitter laugh at the irony. He did not know how right he was. Steve had learned during one of the worst moments of his life that he could not get drunk anymore. Even though he knew that it did not really help, it was still a disadvantage at some point.

"Bad day." He explained calmly with a sigh.

"Mhm ... if you want a little advice, you shouldn't let yourself down." Alfie rekindled as he took a wet drink from the bin to wipe it off with the towel on his shoulder."There will always be bad days. Some harder than others. But hey, what do these hippie bands say already : that life goes on?"

Steve breathed a new laugh at the robust personality of the old man. He was still somewhat disturbed by the way he had to treat him according to his appearance. It was obvious that he did not know who he was. Or if he knew it, he didn't care.

Steve thought that if there was someone who would totally disregard his alter-ego it was this old bartender. In a way, Alfie reminded him strangely of his art teacher.

He nodded in agreement with his words before taking a long sip of his beer. He could feel the attentive gaze of the old man all this time.

The latter put down the glass he was currently wiping before bending over with his hands flat on the counter. "It sounds like a conversation you should have with this boring little brat."

Steve found himself smiling again at the way he spoke about Danae before shrugging his shoulders with a defeated look.

That was the problem, he could not talk to her about his job and he hated it. It gnawed at him from the inside of having to keep all his doubts and reluctances to the Shield.

"She's working on a case." He replied, scratching absently at the label of his beer."She's a little busy right now."

It was not even a lie. Despite their weekend, he knew they could only spend so much time together because Johnny was there. It was strange how she seemed to be withdrawing a bit from his life. He was doing a lot more on his own but that did mean he liked it. If he had to choose between spending his time alone or with Danae, his answer was Danae without hesitation.

"At least she stays away from my bar." Alfie commented with a snort, leaving Steve raising his amused eyes to the old man. "The last time she came with this redhead was enough for the entire month."

Steve frowned at the mention of a redhead with a bad feeling."A redhead? "

Not only did he not remember hearing Dan mention any tour at Alfie's bar, but in addition, he was almost certain that she did not have any red-haired friends.

"Yeah, a nice gal. But mysterious." He replied with a slight frown."I think I've seen her on TV before. During this Alien invasion."

It was all Steve needed to get two and two together. He did not have to be a great scientist to understand that this was Natasha. And it had the gift of amplifying his doubt about the Shield. He definitely did not like to see the ex-assassin lapped near Danae. He knew that his friend could defend herself, but Natasha was another type of threat.

"A friend of yours? Or a girlfriend maybe?" Alfie asked curiously at the sight of his frown.

He immediately widens his eyes to mere thought before swallowing as he shook his head in negation. "No, no, I don't have anyone like that. "

Part of him automatically thought of Peggy in that moment. If it had been another time, he could have talked about her but it was obviously falling into the water (no pun intended) from the moment he had plunged this plane into the ocean.

"You'll find someone." Assured Alfie at once with sympathy before throwing away his rag on his shoulder. "My Frankie always said that there are at least three people doing for us around this planet. It gives you three more chances to find you a fine-looking gal."  
Steve frowned at him as he narrowed his lips. "Only one would be enough for me."

"I know a lot of men who should think more like you, son." Alfie declared with a small smile hiding under his mustache as he took in his thoughtful expression. "Do you think of someone in particular?"

At Alfie's question, Steve found himself looking up in surprise and hesitation. At first, he was thinking about Peggy, but his mind was quick to make Peggy's image disappear for Dan's. However, he was not long in remembering that she was his friend and that such a thought had no place.

He shook his head quickly to sweep away the thought of his thoughts by leaning his weight on his arms on the counter. "No."

"As I said, you will not find her or him." He said, shrugging his shoulders before pointing at him. "Now get out of this bar. Your sidekick gives me enough trouble."

Steve immediately let out a laughter clearly quieter comparing to his arrival before quickly finishing his beer. He was about to get out of what to pay for his drink, but Alfie stopped him quickly and said that he preferred to see him outside as soon as possible. Steve just raised his hands in surrender with a new laugh before making his way to the exit.

Walking back to his apartment, Steve could not help but think back to his conversation with Alfie. First about Natasha and her presence alongside Danae. He did not like it. It had the gift of making him anxious. He must talk with Danae about this.

Then he could not really ignore the second topic of conversation between him and the bartender. At this point, he was sure he was going to finish the rest of his life alone. And even if finishing the rest of his days with a friend like Danae by his side seemed sufficient for now, part of him wanted something more.

He found himself again stopping in the middle of the road as he realized that the only person he was thinking of ending his days with was Danae. Whether as a friend or more, his mind always seemed to include her. He did not expect this kind of twist in their relationship. He could already feel his cheeks warm up at the mere thought. It was not supposed to happen. He shook his head quickly to change his thinking. They were friends. That was all.

At the sight of his apartment complex, Steve quickly stopped his thought process before resuming the walk. He quickly checked his mailbox in the lobby on the way before climbing the stairs with a quick step.

However, he was quick to slow down as he reached his floor. A friendly smile soon curved his lips as he saw Kate come out of her apartment with a cardboard in her hands.

"Steve!" She called out with a mutual smile before moving towards him with the cardboard. "I think they got the wrong door. I was planning on getting it through Danae but since you've been here. Here."

He took the package wide enough to hold a motorcycle helmet. He sincerely hoped that was what it contained. He had learned the pleasure of online shopping and he had decided that finding a helmet for Danae was going to be his first purchase.

"Thanks."

"No problem." Kate answered with an amused smile before signing the package with subtlety."It seems pretty heavy."

Steve had to give her points for not asking directly what the cardboard contained.

"Yeah? I don't really feel it." He answered in a teasing tone as he shrugged.

And it was the truth. The box weighed almost nothing for him. He had worn a motorcycle at arm's length during his USO tour. It was not a small box that could tire him.

However, Kate hurriedly rolled her eyes with a small smirk at his pretension before crossing her arms over her chest. "Well, not everyone can be built like a bodybuilder."

Steve was about to answer with a smart return, but the agreement of a familiar step on the step interpelled him. He would recognize the approach of Danae blindfolded.

His smile grew despite him as he soon realized he was right. Danae went up the last step to their floor before taking a break at the sight of their duet. She raised her eyebrows in his direction as she took in Kate's relaxed back before looking back at him with a smirk.

The sound of plastic finally appealed to Kate as she turned to greet Dan."Dee, hey!"

"Hi, roommate." Recognized Dan with a smile before stopping by her side with a frowning look on her work outfit. "Wait, are you going to work? I bought Chinese."

Steve watched as Dan showed the bags of food to take in her hands to prove her point before bending his lips in an amused smile at Kate's comment."Remind me how come you're not obese?"

"Oh really? We complain on my love of takeaway now?" Dan challenged at once with a sharp look at the blonde. "Do I have to remind you who of us had to shop this week?"

Kate widened her eyes at the obvious reminder before giving Steve a nervous look as she signed her imaginary watch on her wrist to escape."Oh, look at the time! I will end up being late so ... bye."

"And the Chinese?" Dan cried after the blonde on the run.

"Invite Steve!" Hail Kate in return.

Steve had to literally hide his amused smile as Dan rolled her eyes before turning to him with a sharp look."No comment."

"No?" He hesitated, obviously about to laugh.

"God, you're a terrible liar." She grumbled before going over to her apartment.

Steve did the same before stopping in front of his door with a look at her bags to go with envy to the smell of food coming off."You want some company? "

"Now you want to steal my food." She commented with a smirk."I have to take a shower but seeing you in ten?"

Steve nodded his head in agreement before watching enthusiastically as she entered her apartment.

I let out a long sigh of weariness as I closed the door behind me before crossing the hallway to the living room. I hastily put the bags to take on the kitchen counter before quickly making my way to my room.

I headed for my dresser to get a simple cotton shorts with a long-sleeved T-shirt and a pair of comfortable socks before tracing my way back to the bathroom.

I hurried to jump in the shower once undressed. I was quickly closing the case since Steve was coming in less than ten minutes before quickly changing into my shorts and T-shirt. I still took the time to comb through my messy brown curls before returning to the kitchen.

I connected my phone to Kate's Bluetooth speaker before launching my playlist as I was busy installing our take-out food containers on the coffee table in the living room.

Unfortunately, my mind soon returned to my late conversation with Robbie the other night. After I came with Johnny and Steve to the couple, Robbie took the initiative to call me once Allison came looking for my nephew. She had claimed that it was to make sure that Allison had not killed me but I knew better. Not even ten minutes in the conversation she had to change the subject on Steve.

And I could not help but feel that strange sensation again along my stomach as I realized how right she was. We had no barrier between us. We completed ourselves in a strange way. If one moved, the other moved, if one felt uncomfortable, the other came to his rescue.  
Part of me had to plead our unique bond. After all, we had built our relationship on our misery and our pain. It reinforced any type of relationship.

Nevertheless, I could not help but rethink how we had behaved lately. Everything was natural and easy between us. Apart from our obvious hollow in relation to our respective exes, everything was easy between us. I was doing things with Steve that I had never even thought of doing with Ben. In fact, I even though Steve knew something about me that even Ben did not know. And it was scary enough to be honest.

Worse still, the guilt just seemed to grow exponentially as I spent time with him. A fact that I had been quick to remind Robbie. The latter had reminded me that I would have to talk to Steve at some point if I did not want to lose what we had. And part of me was in complete agreement with her, but an even more frightened part thought that this could be an easier solution.

Obviously, something was going on in our current relationship and I was not sure I wanted it to change. I was not ready to feel vulnerable again.

_Especially in the current situation. It was far too dangerous to unveil now._

Another fact she had skillfully pointed out was that as our relationship progressed, we stayed at the same point with Steve and me. None of us were advancing. We were haunted by the memories of our exes.

Finally, the sound of the opening of the front door stopped me in my train of thought as I just straightened to see Steve emerge from the corridor of the entrance. It had become a habit now. We did not really need to knock before entering each other's apartment.

Once again, I was forced to see that Robbie was right.

I wrinkled my lips as I could feel that weight on my shoulders again before arching an eyebrow as I noticed that Steve was bringing back his package." What is it ?"

Steve walked over to the couch at the sight of the food on the table before taking me by surprise as he handed me the cardboard with an excited smile.

I caught a suspicious eyebrow on his childish face before carefully taking the cardboard.

However, I definitely did not expect to bring out a brand new motorcycle helmet. And the purple and black color clearly indicated that he was not for him.

"What does that mean ?" I asked as I immediately raised my eyes on the blond in sign of question.

"Uh, it's for you." He replied, rubbing his neck nervously as he avoided my look in embarrassment. "I thought ... that I could take you for a ride."

"So, you bought me a helmet?" I exclaimed with an excited smile at the idea.

I had to admit that he certainly knew how to surprise me. It was not something I had seen coming.

Steve shrugged his shoulders with a small smirk. "I couldn't let you ride without a helmet."

"Right, security first." I smirked before I fully took the helmet between my hands to observe it. "Only you can ruin all the fun of a sensational activity. "

It was a modern helmet with a clear visor on the front and an intricate design on the back. The shades of purple and polished black were intriguing and feminine at the same time. I could not really remember the last time someone had surprised me with a gift. I could feel my heart speeding up in my chest as I put the cardboard on the couch before straightening up to try it under Steve's amused eyes.

I hastened to pose in front of the tall blond before putting my hands on my hips expectantly."So ... verdict? Do I look like a bad ass?"

Steve took a moment in my appearance visibly detuning at the sight of the combination between the helmet and my pajamas before hiding his laughter. "Oh, perfect. Definitely bad ass."

"You're a jerk." I immediately insulted as he left a snort before removing the helmet before storing it in my room."So, when did you plan to take me on this ride? "

"Well, I thought about tomorrow?"Asked Steve, raising his tone since he was in the living room.

I tried to ignore the fast beating of my heart as I stared at the blond's gift for a moment before turning off the light on my way."Tomorrow? "

"If you have nothing planned of course." He hurried back, letting me give him a sharp look at his lack of confidence.

Another strange fact, I hated seeing him lack confidence. I knew it was a reflex anchored in him for a long time. His youth did not really help him build a high self-esteem.

_If only he could see how I saw him._

_Okay, it was getting really strange. Robbie was probably right._

"You know, even though I love this idea I think you should try to offer that kind of thing to someone else." I finally said as I made my way back into the living room. "It could make a great first date."

Steve stopped at once in his bite since he had already started digging into the take-out containers before making eye contact with me. He swallowed nervously at the idea before gesticulating again on the spot.

I could not help but feel that weight in my chest as I sat next to him nervously.

"Maybe." He thought, taking a bite of his lacquered duck. "But it's not like I'm interested in anyone."

I nodded in agreement as I took the chicken container before crossing my legs in Indian style on the couch. I mixed the contents of my box in thought before giving an uncertain look at the blond.

For some reason, I had trouble forming my thoughts aloud. "You can ask Kate?"

"Kate?" Steve repeated in a surprise cough before giving me a wide look. "What-I mean ..."

"You seem to be getting along well." I explained, raising an unconvinced shoulder.

I could feel a slight frown on my face as I turned my attention back to my food instead of the blond. I did not really know what was going on with me, but suddenly talking about a date with him made me feel darkened.

"I don't think I'm ready for that." He objected calmly, making me look up at him with a scoff.

"Sure Jan." I suddenly felt bored along my chest. "You waited more than seventy years for your happy ending. It's time to go get it."

This time, Steve gave a laugh to my hint. "Happy ending? Since when do you believe in this kind of thing?"

"I don't believe it. But you do." I reminded myself, pointing at him with the tips of my chopsticks before swallowing again to the feeling of rocks along my throat. "You deserve to be happy. And a family would make you happy."

Of course I had noticed how happy he looked this weekend. It was as if Johnny's presence had completely changed him.

However, a slight frown appeared on his face as he stared at his food with his wrinkled lips. "I don't think it's possible for me."

"Why? Because you're an old man?" I asked in an attempt to lighten the mood suddenly dark before continuing with seriousness. "Or because you're Captain America?"

Steve let out a sigh as he dropped back against the back of my couch before turning his head to me. The intensity contained in his azure gaze momentarily cut my breath. I had to literally remind myself to breathe as I tightened my hold on the container in my hands. He remained silent for a moment as he took in my appearance, leaving me frowning in confusion and uncertainty.

_I definitely didn't like how he made me feel right now._

"I don't know. A bit of both I guess." He finally admits with a shrug.

I turned away my eyes as I narrowed my lips to his honest answer before letting a weak sigh pass between my lips.

I assumed that again, Steve and I had a similar problem.

There was far too much variable allowing us to let ourselves go completely.

I decided to drop the visibly disturbing subject as I took a bite of my chicken before settling more comfortably against the back of the sofa. I pressed my elbow on the top as I pressed my side against the back to keep my attention on Steve.

The music coming from my phone changed for a more modern rhythm and I let myself be lulled by this false sense of comfort.

Maybe the situation between us might change, maybe even that we were at a decisive point. But it was definitely not today that we would understand it.

Instead, we chose to do just as if nothing had happened. The conversation resumed on a much lighter subject and I was not long in letting myself go to his side again.

Indeed, everything was simple and natural with Steve and I wasn't close to losing a moment. Because I knew that our friendship was now counting down. As soon as he learned about my involvement with the Shield, everything would stop. And what I dreaded so much to explore would be but a distant memory since our friendship would not even exist anymore.


	25. Not a date

_"Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe._

* * *

I made sure to close the door of the apartment behind me since Kate was still in the hospital before recovering the helmet jamming in the joint of my elbow. Steve and I planned to meet in front of the building for our motorcycle trip.

I could not help but feel this anticipation mixed with excitement since I woke up to the mere idea of sharing this moment with the blond. I did not really know what to expect but he had strongly insisted that we leave at eleven hours typing.

It was therefore with knots in my stomach that I had prepared myself this morning. Given our activity, I had opted for an old vintage black sleeveless Gun's and Roses T-shirt and black ripped skinny jean to go with my pair of high lace-up ankle boots and leather jacket. I had smoothed my curls since they decided to play the indomitable before applying a single layer of makeup. It took me a while to decide for this last touch. Part of me kept reminding me that it seemed like a date.

However, I hastened to remind myself that it was Steve. I could not really afford to think so when he was my first confidant in terms of Ben. Most of our conversations revolved around those we had lost. Certainly, this could not be a good start for any type of relationship other than friendship. And I did not even mention the fact that I could lose all his esteem and friendship at any time.

_So no, it was not a date. It was just another reminder to remember that I had to enjoy every moment spent with him._

I pushed the door of the hall to this thought before stopping in spite of myself as I took in the scene in front of me.

Steve was leaning against his retro motorcycle with a leather jacket and jeans a little more tight than usual. If he was already a view to look at normally, my heart could not help but get more excited at the sight. To top it all, he had donned the pair of glasses that I had given him all these months before.

I swallowed at the sight as I could feel my body react despite myself before slowly descending the steps separating us. I tried to regain my senses during all this time clearly unaware of the blond's similar reaction.

For some reason, I could see a slight blush already on his cheeks and ears making me smile despite myself. It was exactly what I needed to entertain the attention.

"C'mon, don't make my job so easy, grandpa. I haven't said anything yet and you're already blushing." I teased, swallowing in spite of myself.

Steve also seemed to relax at my comment as he rolled his eyes, shrugging his shoulders. "I didn't blush. It's hot under this jacket you know."

"The lamest excuse I've ever heard you said." I commented, giving him an incredulous look before displaying a broad smile to relieve him."So ... where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." Steve answered promptly, making me give him a flat look. "Don't do that face. You will like it."

"I started hating this idea from the moment you said the word _surprise_." I said in return, leaving Steve to laugh at my boredom.

He shook his head as he picked up his helmet to put on before giving me a reassuring look. "I promise you that you will love it."

"You seem sure of yourself, Stevie." I warned, pointing at him as a warning sign."I hope for you that I will like it."

Steve rolled his eyes again with a smirk before turning back to his usual hesitant as he tapped the seal of his bike."Do you need help?"

"Please, who are you taking me for?" I scoffed pretentiously before pushing him slightly from the passage to span the sill with expertise.

I put my feet on the toes in the back before giving a look of impatience at the blond at the sight of his surprised look.

"It's not the first time you ride a motorcycle." He realized with a slight hint of disappointment in his tone.

"Well, if it can reassure you, usually I drive."

It had the gift of doing everything but reassuring him as he widened his eyes to me in surprise."You know how to ride a motorcycle?"

"Is it so surprising?" I challenged with an arrogant smile, leaving Steve to compose his expression in a simple amused smile.

He shook his head as he stepped toward the bike before settling down by removing the kickstand. Clearly not ready for the sudden movement, I found myself standing on the first thing under my hand. In other words, Steve's hips.

I did not need to see him to know he had to blush as much as I did in the sudden proximity.

Nevertheless, he hastened to clear his throat by giving me a concerned look over his shoulder."You okay?"

I quickly recovered from my surprise as I approached his back before squeezing my arms around his middle. I ignored the erratic beating of my heart in close proximity before putting my chin on his shoulder as I put on a smile arrogant to the feeling of his body stretched under my touch.

"Never been better, Cap. "

Steve seemed to take a moment without a voice as he took in my arrogant smile before displaying a shy little smile of his own. "Hang on."

"That's what I do." I said, putting pressure on his tonic stomach to prove my point.

I could feel the jolts amused of the blond under my hands in response before he starts the bike.

Not surprisingly, Steve was an excellent driver. He was driving between the vehicles around before I tighten my grip on him as he picked up his speed once on the highway before putting my cheek against his shoulder blade. I let myself be rocked by the vibrations of the engine and the wind enveloping me as the landscape did not take long to change around us.

Clearly, he had planned to go out of town for today.

I did not really know how long we had put but I knew that I was far from tired of this ride. Actually, I felt almost a slight disappointment as I felt Steve slow to a stop. I immediately opened my eyes that I had close at a given point of the ride before taking with surprise in our entourage. It was a sort of clearing dotted with wildflowers. It was very beautiful and strangely romantic as a place.

Once again, I felt my heart speeding up as I slowly untied my arms of Steve to get more into the scene in front of me.

The blond slowly removed his helmet before giving me an uncertain look over his shoulder to observe my reaction."I spotted this place on returning from a mission. I thought it would be nice for a picnic."

"A picnic ?" I repeated with wide eyes as I stopped in the process of removing the strap from my helmet. "Wait, you have a picnic?"

A slight blush soon settled on his face as he turned away his eyes. "It's too much ?"

"More like unexpected." I corrected slowly in a shared feeling between excitement and the urge to flee. I finally released a breath of sympathy before descending. "It's a great idea, Cap."

Steve hastened to turn off the engine, turning to me again hopefully, "Really?"

"Don't make it a mountain either. I also have great ideas you know. Remember of this dancing hall." I teased, hoping to dispel that strange feeling along my chest.

Steve let out a laugh at my expression before going down in his turn. I only realized now that he did bring a bag with him.

"The picnic." I pointed in the realization.

"I prefer to warn you this is not food to take away." He teased as I narrowed my eyes on his back as he took the lead.

"I didn't hear you complain the last night." I was bored as I went after him to catch up with him.

I stopped by his side as he searched for a spot for us before surprising me again as he knelt down to pull out a blanket.

_Not a date, not a date, not a date._

"I'm going to take care of that." I tried to intervene as I tore off the cover of his hands in the hope of distracting myself from my chaotic thoughts.

I unfolded it before throwing it in the air and spreading it gently on the floor. I made sure to pull the corners to remove all the folds before lifting my eyes on Steve as he settled on a corner near the bag. I found myself settling on the opposite side with one leg bent against my chest while the other was bent to the side.

I pressed my chin against my knee as I watched Steve take out the boxes containing our lunch with a small smile on my lips. Despite the disturbing situation, it was surprisingly very pleasant.

The place was calm and less oppressive than the city. I could easily see why Steve wanted to show me this place.

"So you saw this place when returning from a mission?" I asked in curiosity.

"More like preview. Nat's driving doesn't really make it possible to look at the landscape." He replied, making me hold out my breath despite myself at the mention of the red-haired agent. A fact that the super soldier seemed to quickly notice as he narrowed his lips with a frown."You didn't tell me you saw Natasha again."

"How do you know ?" I exclaimed in agitation.

Steve just raised an eyebrow in disgrace. "That's the first thing you find to say."

"I can take care of myself." I was immediately offended by his tone.

Steve turned away his blue eyes, letting a sigh pass over his lips before swallowing. "That's not what I meant."

"Right. And what did you want to say?"

I crossed my arms over my chest as I waited for his explanation, leaving Steve standing in uncertainty. "I don't like her to be close to you. That ... well, it worries me."

"Wow, I didn't know I counted so much for you, Stevie." I teased with a threatening smile to bend my pleated lips.

It was just too hard to stay bored with the blond when he said such things. I could see how agitated he was at the mere mention of Natasha and me in one sentence. And although it was adorable, it was also damn annoying to know that he thought I had no chance against the redhead.

"I just like sharing my food. Call it my character defect." Steve retorted boldly, making me laugh in amusement.

"Speaking of food, I'm starving." I announced as I leaned over to open the boxes simply to display an air of satisfaction with the alluring smell."Mhm, sandwich and mixed salad? Color me impress, soldier."

"Ha, ha, ha, Dan." Steve replied as he handed me cutlery with a smile all over his pink lips.

I thanked him as I took the cutlery before starting to draw in the food with envy. The rest of the meal was spent in a silence sometimes interrupted by a light conversation between us. It was like the space around us was far too sacred and peaceful to hold it with incessant jokes.

Finally, after emptying the boxes faster than it seemed possible, I ended up removing my leather jacket to use it as a homemade pillow.

Steve was quick to take out his sketchbook he had taken with him while I was lulled by the sounds of nature.

I could feel the blond's look on my profile every few times even through my closed eyelids and I could feel a smile pushing a little more on my lips in response. I had not been so peaceful and carefree for a while and it was all thanks to Steve. I never thought it could happen but I could see myself getting out of my personal hell.

_I did not even need drugs to numb my thoughts.  
_

Certainly, he rise to new confusing emotions in me lately but it was always better than the nightmares in which I had locked myself after the death of Ben.

My smile turned into a smile of nostalgia at this thought.

However, what was most surprising was the rhythm of my heart. If it seemed to break every time I thought of Ben, it seemed to be as stable as possible right now. Ben was not forgotten but I could feel advanced.

Robbie was wrong on this point. Hence the reason why Steve and I were not so predictable as she thought. What he had done for me deserved more than falling into a horrible cliché of rom-com.

The sound of a pencil scraping against the paper pulled me out of my train of thought as I opened an eye to monitor the blond by my side before leaving a full smile at the sight of his concentrated expression. He seemed barely conscious of my presence as he alternated his pencil strokes with his fingers to fade each shadows. He was good at this kind of thing, letting me think that he could definitely have done his job at some point. It was if the war had not broken out in his day.

I sat up on my elbows to get a better look at his drawing just to look with appreciation at the sight of the almost identical representation of our surroundings.

"Well, I guess I would never get tired of this skill set, Rogers." I finally said surprising the blond out of his concentration bubble.

Unsurprisingly a new blush colored his naturally tanned cheeks before he let his eyes travel between his drawing and me."It's just a drawing."

"Right and I am the Queen of England." I replied sarcastically as I rolled my eyes before letting myself fall against the blanket.

I could feel Steve's eyes on my profile again as he cleared his throat in hesitation. "Can I draw you?"

I paused, turning my head with my hand in front of my eyes, barricading myself with the sun's rays before arching an eyebrow at the blond. I could feel my skin tingling again with the sensation of his intense gaze on me.

I swallowed in nervousness before trying to leave a smirk on my lips. "Are you trying to push a Titanic moment on me, Stevie?"

However, I definitely did not expect Steve's scoff in the knowledge as he pointed at me with his pen. "Is not Rose asking Jack for a drawing of her?"

"Wait, you understood the reference." I exclaimed as a proud mother before taking a break as Steve also displayed a satisfied smile. We stayed a moment like this before I let a shrug."Okay. As long as you don't ask me to undress."

This time, the expected effect soon became known as Steve widened his eyes in embarrassment before readjusting on the cover in awkwardness.

I left a wide smile amused at the sight of his discomfort before readjustment in my turn in uncertainty. "So ... what should I do?"

"Just continue what you're doing." Steve explained with a wave of his hand."Talk to me or something. Try to look relaxed."

I left a slight scoff at his suggestion. "Easier said than done."

"Don't be difficult, Dan." Steve taunted with a smile as he began the first phase of his drawing.

_"Don't be difficult, Dan."_ I repeated childishly, imitating his deep voice.

Steve frowned as he looked at me over his notebook. "I don't talk like that."

"Yes, you do. "

"Do not." He objected childishly, letting me smile even wider as I just looked around.

I had to admit that I was perhaps not the best to pose for a long time. I was used to moving and I could not help feeling that new feeling in my chest at the feeling of Steve's focused gaze on me.

At the risk of appearing cliché, I could strangely understand the tension between Rose and Jack at this moment.

Clearly impatient, I tried to take a look at Steve's drawing. I took advantage of his concentration to move a little to have a better view of my portrait lying on the paper. He had already drawn most outlines of my figure to perfection, shadows and structures already well advanced as he tackled the curvature of my hand over my head.

He noticed me staring and immediately pulled his notebook close to him.

"Dan." He reprimanded half-serious.

"Fine, fine, don't be so serious, grandpa." I admitted, rolling my eyes."Anyway, I think you should reconvert yourself into an artist if you ever get tired of Captain."

It caught his attention as he braked his pencil strokes to look at me over his notebook with a slight frown."You know it's not possible. "

"Why? You certainly don't expect to do this all your life, right?" I asked with my own frown as I rested my eyes on him. "I mean, the experiment was only to win the war. They never waited for you to do this all your life."

A slight sigh left his lips as he turned his eyes away from my drawing in defeat. "It was before."

"Hey!" I gasped as I hurried up my elbows clearly unaware of the drawing as I put my hand on hers in a gesture of comfort before supporting his bluish eyes. "You're not just here to protect the planet. You have the right to live your life."

Steve stopped in his drawing as he looked down at mine with a slight drought down his throat. I was completely ignorant of the raging emotions inside him as he suddenly found his eyes wandering over my lips before trying to shift his attention back to my eyes."There will always be wars. "

"And there will always be other Avengers." I challenged with conviction as I caught an eyebrow challenging him to contradict me.

A frown intensified on his forehead as he squeezed his hold on my hand before he gave me a serious look. "And what would I be supposed to do? Go on dates while new threats surface?"

I lowered my frowns on our joined hands before moistening my lips in a feeling of defeat. No matter how much I hoped for a simple life for the blond, I knew he was right. It was just not possible for him.

Knowing that it was a fight lost in advance, I let a tired sigh before signing his sketchbook in the expectation. "Can I see?"

Steve seemed to realize my surrender as he looked away before looking at his drawing for a moment. He wrinkled his lips in thought before nodding timidly as he handed me his sketchbook.

"Whoa, is that ... that's how you see me?" I exclaimed in surprise and warmth as I could feel my heart racing again. "See? You're definitely talented. I look like a hottie."

"You're beautiful, Dan." He breathed suddenly in a nervous murmur, letting me lift my eyes in surprise.

I could see him look away from me, letting me smile at the sight."Well, why thank you, Cap. You're not bad either for an old man."

He rolled his eyes to my jab lightening the atmosphere before returning his sketchbook as I let myself fall against the blanket to enjoy a little longer this time.

"How is the view from below?" Steve asked suddenly in curiosity.

I raised an eyebrow in response before shrugging my shoulders. "Relaxing."

Steve said nothing more but I was not slow to hear the wrinkling of fabrics before I even felt a new presence lying beside me. I suddenly felt my breath get stuck in my throat as each of my pores seemed terribly aware of the muscular body just inches from mine. I slowly turned my head just to come face to face with Steve. The blond already had his eyes on me with a smile of contentment. I swallowed as I could feel his breath on my face. He was dangerously close at that moment. It was enough of a single push for our noses to meet. And one more so that I feel his lips against mine.

At this point, my heart was about to leave my chest as I had to struggle to keep my eyes on hers rather than on his lips. Perhaps that was not the best idea since his eyes seemed definitely more attractive than anything else.

"You're right. It's really relaxing." Steve murmured as he gauged me with the same intensity.

I took a trembling breath in a last ounce of will before turning my eyes to the clear sky. I could still feel Steve's intense gaze on my side but it was still better than before.

Steve finally turned his eyes to the sky in turn before resuming the thread of the conversation."You know, I was thinking of taking a notebook to write down all those references I don't understand. "

"Good. This is a good idea." I admitted clearly relieved for the change of conversation."We could watch the movies together."

_Or not. _

_I was so screw ! It was just Steve for God's sake. My friend from another era. A friend who was atrociously sexy. Okay, stop it! Get yourself together !  
_

_Think about ... Ben!  
_

That was enough to get me the dose of consciousness that I missed as I parted a little of the blond by my side in self-consciousness.

_It was completely ridiculous. I knew it could not be true. Steve and I were much more than a cliché of Rom-com._


	26. Getting personnal

_"There two reason why I don't trust people. First-I don't know them. Second-I know them." Unknow_

* * *

Brock Rumlow.

This was our second most likely track after the Winter Soldier. After watching the security cameras from the location of the Winter Soldier attack on Zingler, we finally managed to dig up a black box from a car parked in the street next to the warehouses.

It was mainly thanks to Arlene's expertise, of course, but we could see how the Winter Soldier was transported to the scene. And this man currently ordering his morning coffee was our track. He had been the most recognizable among the others as well as the only one having a real contact with the frozen blue-eyed shooter.

Brock Rumlow was a Shield agent and a STRIKE field team commander. I was not sure, but I was pretty sure Steve had already told me about this man. Which meant that my biggest fears were more and more likely to happen. Hence the reason I planned this little surveillance.

Speaking of Steve, things were really strange between us. No stranger than usual, but the fact that he'd taken me to this clearing the other day was enough to play with my head.

_I knew-no, I was sure it was not a date. _

But I just could not help but feel those strange feelings at his side.

Now I was not totally blind or even totally ignorant in terms of attraction. I knew what I was experiencing physically, but when it came to the deeper business, it was a different story. More so when it was about Steve. It could not be possible.

"Okay, remember me why we're spying on the bad guy there?" Robbie asked with annoyance in her tone before she turned to me, snapping her fingers in my face at my lack of reaction. "Hey, land to Danae! Hello ? Dee?"

I was not really listening as I could once again feel my mind becoming foggy at the mere thought of Steve.

However, the feeling of a hand on mine made me immediately raise my head to meet the irritated gaze of Robbie. "Sorry, I ... yeah, I'm here."

"Right! Can we know what's going on with you?" The brunette whispered as she caught a lock of hair behind her ear. "You hardly seem there. "

"Sorry, the last few days have been weird." I admitted, chewing my lower lip in thought before reaching back for the towel holder in which I could see the reflection of Rumlow. "Do you have a visual?"

"The guy drinks his coffee in the corner near the exit." Robbie mechanically replied with an expression of disgust at the sight of the man."He's definitely one of the bad guys."

I scooped an eyebrow at that before taking my cup of coffee in hand in curiosity."What makes you say that?"

"I heard his order. Who puts milk in their tea?" She replied with a slight thrill of horror making me smile a little despite my tense mood."Anyway, what's up with you? Why are you barely there? "

This time I gave her an incredulous look as I pointed at myself as evidence." I'm here."

"Funny." She replied visibly all but amused before giving me a sharp look.

I let out a long sigh as I dropped back nonchalantly against the back of my chair before playing absently with my mug between my fingers."I have a lot of things on my mind that's all."

"Mhm, things related to Steve?" She guessed with ease making me look up at her to see her glancing between Rumlow and me expectantly.

I knew it was not the healthiest thing for her to be on a surveillance mission with me, but she wanted to have a coffee at all costs. And I could not really pass on an opportunity to observe the guy. He was the only one who had escorted the Winter Soldier. He was definitely on my high priority list.

Until now I had gathered that he lived alone in a small apartment in the upscale neighborhoods of DC. He was a skilled ex-mercenary who had been with the Shield for some time. Hidden, cold and arrogant were the blatant features that I had discerned in his personality.

I took another look at the Rumlow reflective metal towel holder before giving Robbie a grin."I think ... well, I don't know but he could ... well ... I think he took me on a date."

Robbie literally missed choking on her cup of herbal tea as she opened her eyes, shocked."Sorry what? A date ? "

"Well neither of us pronounce the word : date but ..."

"Shocking." Robbie muttered sarcastically before straightening up as she realized I had heard her."What I mean is that you seem totally panicked at the mere mention of the word Date."

I gave her an annoyed look at her conclusion. "I have no problem with that. "

"As long as it doesn't concern you." She reminded me, pointing at her cup of tea before giving Rumlow a new look."He's on the move."

I was getting ready to follow him only I had the unpleasant surprise of seeing his place already vacant. He was nowhere in sight.

I let myself fall heavily into my seat to face Robbie in defeat. I was clearly disturbed if I couldn't even do a simple surveillance mission properly.

"I told you he was moving."

I narrowed my annoyed eyes on the suave brunette in front of me before shaking my head in frustration. "All this fuck with my brain."

"Maybe you should not fight it so much in this case." Robbie suddenly suggested making me look up at her. "I mean, I know why you don't want to feel most of the time. It's complicated with ... well ... Ben-"She paused to measure my reaction before leaving a smile as she went on."See? Three months back, you couldn't bear to hear about Ben without wincing. I support what I said, Dee. Steve does you good. What's wrong with letting you go again?"

I jabbed my jaw at the mere thought before swallowing nervously. "Apart from the fact that he makes me vulnerable. Maybe the fact that I lie to him."

"It's supposed to be like that, Dee." She said, tilting her head to the side."As for the lies ... well, I know you. You will not tell him anything if it's a case in progress."

I licked my bottom lip in response before shrugging my shoulders. "It's not an ongoing business problem, Rob. The problem is that he may lose everything and I can't stand the thought of knowing that I will be the only one to bring him the news."

Robbie paused at this new information before taking a sip of her tea. I hastened to imitate her before grinning at the sensation of my cold coffee.

_I hated cold coffee._

Clearly pushed back, I rested the cup before starting to scratch the label with my thumb in nervousness.

It was definitely not what I planned when I agreed to let Steve in my life. I thought he would be one way to get through my dark days. And then he turned to be out a lot more. He had taken me out of a personal hell little by little. And now, I could not help but question the boundaries between us.

"Maybe you should give up this case." Rob suddenly suggested, causing me to immediately lift my eyes in disbelief. "Just an idea."

I rolled my eyes at her suggestion before deciding to simply change the conversation. It was useless to drag on such a subject when we both knew that I was definitely not ready to accept no matter what happened between Steve and me.

It was thus that Robbie agreed to have fun with my questions about her pregnancies and her latest ultrasounds. She took care to consider the evolution of her baby shower while I tried not to roll my eyes every time, she asked me to add more Captain America decoration. It was obvious that she was doing this intentionally.

Finally, after more than a morning of planning and talking girls, she and I said goodbye. I had immediately made my way to the cashier to order me a new coffee with an extra for Jay before heading to his apartment.

_He and I decided to share our research on Rumlow._

After losing sight of the Shield agent, I sent him a text asking him to take over the surveillance. He kept me updated during all my meeting with Robbie. Not that she knew about it.

There were things that were best kept out of her reach. She was pregnant after all. I could not fully include her in this kind of sordid affair in her condition. I knew Davis would have my head if anything happened to Robbie or the baby.

Anyway, I was soon to see the detective's building letting me step up to the sight of his familiar back hovering at the entrance of his apartment block.

"Khallahan." I heckled the brown to turn on his heels to accept his coffee."New on the target?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary. He walked a couple of blocks after taking his coffee before heading to the Shield."Jay said earnestly before leaving a sigh of contentment as he took a sip of the beverage still hot. "God bless those who invented coffee."

I left a scoff over my cup as I gave him a flat look. "Always in excess, Khallahan."

"Well, I didn't hear any of my partners complaining about an extra touch." He replied, waving his suggestive eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes at his legendary arrogance before following him into his building as he walked towards the elevator. "I thought that this case would put a brake on your extracurricular activities."

"Well, looks like I'm full of resources." He retorted as he pressed his floor before giving me a smile worthy of the Cheshire cat.

I shook my head as I rested against the elevator wall with my ankles crossed over each other before taking another sip of my coffee.

I let the liquid permeate my taste buds in thought before swallowing it as I turned my attention to Jay seriously. "What are they preparing? They killed Zingler because they were worried about what he could say. What did he know about bringing out the Winter Soldier?"

"Is not that what we try to discover?" Jay replied rhetorically, rolling my eyes before following him down the hall as the metal doors slid.

"What I mean is that Zingler scared them." I remember as I stopped by Jay's side to allow him to open his apartment. "There is something that is not added here."

Jay finally opened the door of his apartment, letting me follow him again with boredom as he gave me a look over my shoulder. "Maybe you should ask your best friend the Captain."

"I'm afraid the Captain Rogers is out of reach."

Jay let out a absurd yelp to the intruder in his apartment while I hastened to unsheathe my gun to point at the man in front of us. The latter was currently before Jay's window facing the street with his hands crossed behind his back in a military position. He was bald and fully dressed in black from head to toe. An elastic thread was across the back of his skull, letting me imagine a kind of pirate style band.

"I thought I had asked that this case be conducted in the biggest of secrets." He declared coldly without ever turning around, letting me tighten my hold on my weapon in mistrust.

"Who are you ?" Jay asked suspiciously as he took out his weapon in turn.

The man finally turned his head to gauge us with his only eye over his shoulder before giving a barely impressed look at our unsheathed weapons. "If you don't intend to shoot then put away your weapons."

Jay immediately gave me a puzzled look at the confidence emanating from the man before placing his weapon in uncertainty. Conversely, I kept my weapon centered on the back of the man in irritation. I was seriously starting to lose patience with those people breaking in.

Finally, he turned on his heel to face us allowing me to take a step back without ever letting go him of my sight. He raised a simple eyebrow at the sight of my weapon still centered on him before advancing a little more in the living room.

I kept my weapon up all the time as I recoiled in response to his movements before reaching out to me as he signed Jay's ajar room."You have not been dragged. I am almost impressed. And believe me, I rarely do."

"Is it supposed to reassure us?" Jay asked stupidly forcing me to hold a roll of my eyes.

The man with the covered eye gave an apathetic look at Jay in response before turning his attention to me by signing my weapon. "I don't think it will be useful, Commander Dimarco."

"And I think I'll be the only judge of that." I replied coldly before waving my weapon at him impatiently. "Who the hell are you?"

"My name is Nick Fury. I'm the director of Shield." He presented himself as he stepped back into Jay's living room as if the place belonged to him. "It's also me who sent Agent Romanoff."

I jabbed my jaw at the mention of Natasha before following any of his actions in anticipation."What proves to me that you speak the truth? "

"I could have made you stop. Or worse." He rekindled without a hint of hesitation despite being on the other side of a gun. "But I decided to have a leap of faith. I think it's time you do the same, soldier."

I could feel my hands stiffening against my weapon as he signed my weapon with a nod of expectancy. I could feel Jay's reluctant gaze at my side before putting the safety of my weapon back before putting it in my jeans belt. I pulled off my shirt to cover it before straightening my denim jacket as I turned my attention to the man-Nick Fury with suspicion.

"I'm no longer in the army." I recalled with irritation to his use of my military titles."And I'm sure like hell that I don't owe you anything."

Nick Fury supported my determined gaze with an arched eyebrow before quickly returning his gaze barely amused by Jay's ridiculous statement. "Sorry to break this little fight of look but there is something that disturbs me. The eye patch ... it's a real one?"

I restrained myself from hitting my forehead with the palm of my hand at his request before displaying a disillusioned look as Nick Fury turned his attention to me as if to ask me if he was serious.

"Jay ... can't you just be… _here_?" I begged as I waved my hand in the hustle and bustle.

"Wait? What?" He exclaimed at once in the objection. " You're not serious ? You want me to leave you with this guy?"

I raised my head with an impassive expression before crossing my arms on my chest in impatience.

The brown gauged me a moment longer before sighing, waving his hands in frustration. "I don't leave you with this guy."

I was forced to watch him settle on the couch with a pout worthy of a petulant child before shaking my head in desolation as I brought my attention back to the man with the eye patch. The latter seemed to look closely at our exchange with a simple arched eyebrow as a question.

I finally rolled my eyes in response before taking a seat alongside Jay on the couch. "Okay, I'm starting to understand your thing to you spy. Just tell me the gig and disappear."

_It was barely five minutes and I was already tired of this man._

At the sight of his closed expression, I assumed he was not really used to being so openly speaking. And I did not really have a hard time believing it. Honestly, this man was sweating intimidation and demanding respect. But I was clearly frustrated beyond words and I did not even mention my constantly tense mood.

_I needed a break._

Unfortunately, it did not seem like I was going to have it any time soon as Nick Fury spoke again as he ran his hand under his black leather trench coat. I immediately stretched myself in anticipation. I could feel Jay doing the same on my side forcing the super spy to slow his movements before he showed the two files he now held in his hands.

I arched an eyebrow for interest on the manila files before straightening up as he nonchalantly threw the folders on the coffee table between us."This file will not teach you anything more than you already know."

I immediately pulled the folder containing my name to me before opening it to browse with a deep sense of discomfort. I did not particularly like reading the info they had managed to gather on me. They even did an analysis of my psychological profile, letting my teeth close at the mention of anger problems and a self-destructive approach to death's contacts.

As a result of my profile was my military achievements listed carefully by date and by medals. I quickly scanned this section before turning a new page simply to pause at the sight of a photo. I took this last between my thumb and my forefinger before feeling my breath again be cut at the sight of Ben in his military uniform. I immediately raised my dangerously icy eyes on the man with the patch just to meet his impassive gaze. He sat in one of Jay's chairs and watched the action unfold in a disturbing silence.

_He seemed too comfortable for my taste. There was no doubt he had studied my file accurately._

I reject the photo between the pages with aggravation before closing the file concerning me with more force than necessary.

"What's the point of all this?" I asked in irritation.

Fury signed the other file instead of answering me forcing me to take it while Jay went through my file."Do you know what this is ?"

I opened the front page suspiciously before quickly frowning as I came face to face with a series of military fleet images. Or rather, the Shield. I let my eyes take in the information with slight confusion and interest before turning the second page to come up against a summary of the situation. It was a fleet based in the Indian Ocean. It was supposed to contain information about the Shield. A kind of database on the sea.

Jay closed the finished file before throwing it back at the coffee table. "What do you want us to do with this file? Our research is mainly based on the Winter Soldier and the Shield."

"As I've already said. The Lemurian _is_ the Shield." He reminded in an enigmatic tone making me pause.

I chewed the inside of my cheek as I supported his gaze by tilting my head to the side to try to pierce him up to date. He was definitely a mystery difficult to resolve. He gave absolutely nothing to show and seemed strangely comfortable doing so. Obviously, it was a habit at home.

Realizing that he wouldn't give me more information, I took a deep breath before releasing it by crossing my arms over my chest. "What are you waiting for? You want us to hack this fleet ... or whatever."

It seemed to get his attention as I almost swore a small smile had curved his lips. Only this was not possible. It must have been the adrenaline of this game that played tricks on me.

"See? I told you that you were more than just a civilian." He declared confidently as he pointed at me."I told Captain Rogers that you would be a great asset in the Shield."

I immediately left a disdainful snort before continuing with sarcasm. "Right, it was before or after you learned that the Shield was actually Hydra."

"Okay, joke apart." Intervened Jay visibly agitated as he signed the man in impatience. "What do you really want? What's the purpose of this visit? "

Fury barely recognized Jay's question as he turned his attention to me again."You followed one of my employees, it seems to me."

"Rumlow." I admitted between my teeth. "He's part of the tactical team."

The man with the skin as dark as that of Robbie soon arched an eyebrow in the realization of my allusion. It was obvious that he was working with Steve. A fact that had a lot to worry me about.

He shook his head as an answer before focusing all his attention on me. "You remember the terms of our agreement."

"There was no agreement between us." I said at once as I abruptly rose from the couch in annoyance. "I don't work for you."

"But you work in the benefit of the Captain." He suggested intelligently.

"What?" Jay exclaimed at once visibly exasperated at the mere thought before turning to me."Wait, all of this is for the guy in the tights?"

I swallowed as I clenched my fists at my side with my eyes squinted on Fury before shaking my head in the hustle and bustle. "It has nothing to do with Steve. "

"Really? Because he seems to think otherwise." Jay jabbed as he stood up, pointing Fury.

The latter seemed again a simple spectator clearly happy with the discord he had just established between Jay and me. I chewed the inside of my cheek visibly more and more frustrated with the man in front of me before turning to Jay in a last ounce of patience.

"I said it had nothing to do with Steve, okay?" I muttered indignantly.

Jay paused as he took a deep breath before hissing as he passed me. I did not even have time to do anything that he took his jacket before slamming the door behind him.

This left me alone again with the man in black leaving me arching an eyebrow with my arms crossed over my chest in the realization. "You provoked him on purpose."

"He doesn't really like Captain Rogers." He commented with satisfaction.

"He's sensible." I replied sarcastically before pinching the bridge of my nose in impatience."What do you really want ? "

"I wanted to see for myself." He replied, immediately raising my head to gauge him in confusion. "You would be an excellent agent in the Shield. "

I immediately left a scoff as I rested my hand at my side. "And work in a corrupt organization? No thanks."

"And yet, you're there. To collect information for this organization." He reminded himself with a smirk on the corner of his face before motioning me to sit down again. "Fine, you have some problem of trust. I have some too. I have plenty actually."

I rolled my eyes to his little act of sharing as I settled on the sofa again before narrowing my eyes on him. "Are you really the director of Shield?"

"If you don't believe me, I'll tell you to ask Rogers, but we don't really want to come to that."He replied, shrugging his shoulders as he made himself more comfortable in the seat. "I started as a soldier like you. I finished as a colonel before being a spy during the Cold War."

I arched an eyebrow at his act of sharing personal information before crossing my arms over my chest. "There is a point to this little act of sharing?"

"I'm not really a spy anymore. I like to share." He declared with a nonchalant shrug. "Your turn."

I signed my file on the coffee table with platitude. "You already know everything about me."

"I prefer honest conversations." He explained simply. "More, you remind me of my past. She's impetuous like you. Not adept at easy trust."

"Do I want to know who this girl is?" I asked in boredom.

"Not really, she's not really around anymore." He said with a wave of his hand before giving me a sharp look. "For now, but she could come back at some point."

I scowled at his enigmatic tone before leaning my head to one side. "So, it's not an old conquest."

Nick Fury gave me a flat look at my suggestion making me sketch the shortest smile.

The leather of his trench coat creaked as he readjusted himself against his seat before he pointed to me with a wave of his hand. "Like you, she was not afraid to talk to me. This is a quality I have not found for some time."

"It must not be new. Sure enough, Romanoff is not a fan of bows." I said sarcastically.

Fury smirked, shrugging his shoulders. "Agent Romanoff is more complex than she seems."

"I thought I understood." I cringed, gritting my teeth before giving him an impatient look."Will you continue to tell me about your moods or tell me why you're here?"

"I have already said it. I want to see for myself." He called back with an arched eyebrow before signing my file. "Tell me something that this impersonal record doesn't mention. "

I arched an eyebrow with apathy at his request. "You want to become personal."

He shrugged his shoulders as he crossed his arms against his chest as he motioned for me to surrender.

I took a breath annoyed by this endless game before raising my chin with confidence. "I was in a rebel phase. I pledged to go against my grandmother's beliefs. She preached the image of the woman at home. Realized that I loved my job and rigor. I climbed the ladder alone. I finished Commander in the Navy."

"Why become a Private Investigator?" He asked curiously.

I shrugged my shoulders keeping the minimum of information. "I wanted to find a job that kept me busy. I didn't really have a degree other than my degree in photography. It seemed to me the best choice."

He nodded silently before giving me another questioning look. "Why embark on this case? You knew it wouldn't be safe."

"I would not be engaged if I was expecting a job out of danger." I replied without a hint of hesitation.

"Fair enough." He agreed as he straightened up before pulling the files back onto the table. He hid them again in his trench coat, letting me get up in my turn. "The information on the Lemurian Star is related to a Shield project running. The Project Insight."

I frowned my brows with interest as I crossed my arms over my chest. "The Project Insight?"

"This is a project that is supposed to eliminate threats based on meticulously collected data. Our analysts draw a profile and our Hellicariers placed in orbit get rid of the threat even before having suffered the attack."

I composed my expression in disbelief and indignation at the simple explanation. "You want to become omniscient now?"

"It's a sure way to keep the world safe." He defended with little conviction. "Unfortunately, you can understand why I have some reservations for the latest discoveries."

I could easily see that he was not only telling me this to inform me but to send me a message somehow.

I looked away as I tried to digest the information before resting my eyes where the files were."If anyone learns that you share all that with a civilian ..."

"We will both be in big trouble." He finished with his eyebrows raised in agreement.

I swallowed as I nodded in realization before biting my bottom lip."Why don't you leave it to Natasha? Or better, why keeping all this from Steve?"

"Something tells me that they will know at one time or another." He stated in a strangely mysterious tone before going past me to the exit. He stopped right beside me with his head spinning in my direction. "As soon as they know who you are, they will send him to finish what he started."

I swallowed at the mention of the ghost before bringing my hand in spite of me on my shoulder as the mere mention seemed to awaken my scar.

I silently nodded my head in agreement before finally slacking my breath at the closing door.

_I knew for sure now that I was screwed._


	27. I fell in love, I just did

_"I fell in love with you, I don't know how, I don't why. I just did." Unknow_

* * *

Sleep was a thought that Sam Wilson had long since crossed over. After his deployments in the army, sleep had become a mere futile wish. If he could get more than four hours of sleep in one night, he called it a victory.

However, he had long since learned that his nightmares and deep feelings of guilt were not the only factors preventing him from sleeping.

At present, it was the person at the source of the light labored breath and the precise jabs resonating around the Fitzpatrick Gymnasium.

He could hear her grunts between each well-placed blow against the bag as he made his way through the dark hallway. The smell of old leather and perspiration infiltrated his nostrils as he soon entered the light.

Unsurprisingly, a familiar little figure dressed in sports shorts with a simple black bra was in front of a punching bag. A thin layer of sweat covered her entire body while her ponytail of brown curls swayed in rhythm with her blows.

A look of worry contorted his features as he took in the force of her blows. The contact of her hands wrapped in bandages against the leather of the bag brought a slight shiver down his spine.

It was a scene he had seen many more times than he could count since the first mission under her command. Danae Dimarco was a night owl like him. Maybe worse at some point.

He shook his head at the sight as she jumped on her feet in a complex footwork before resuming her quick, powerful blows. He stepped forward with his arms crossed over his chest before making another critical inspection of the brunette. He could see the muscles contract in her legs, abdominals and arms at each of her hits.

However, his eyes were not slow to stop more on the scars on her body. She had a small, moon-shaped serration on her right hip and two white scars faded of the length of a finger. These last two he remembered when she had obtained them. It was during one of their mission in Afghanistan. She had been held hostage for three days by the rebels. She had suffered more torture than he could imagine, and yet she had returned to the field almost immediately. She had claimed that they could not afford to spend on extra hands. Even Ben's pleas had not been enough to keep her out of the fighting. It was at this moment that he had begun to feel a deep respect for his unit leader. She was not just anyone and he quickly learned to trust her.

Unfortunately, he quickly learned that everyone had their breaking point and her had been Ben's death. His death had haunted her for over three years now and he did not really know where she was standing now. He thought he had seen a slight change the last time he saw her. But the fact is that he had seen her because she had just been shot and left with some doubt.

Speaking of this bullet, he could see a round of scarred skin on her shoulder blade. The skin was still a little blistered and more bright pink than these old wounds.

She made no move to recognize him as she continued to hit the bag without releasing. He could see a grimace of pain forming on her face at each of her blows. He did not know how long she had hit that bag, but the fatigue was starting to show on her face.

Realizing she was not going to stop anytime soon, he gave a look at the boxing ring lying behind her before sitting on it as he took a glimpsed at her bag lying on the ring floor. Her towel and a bottle of water were already out of her bag for the moment she would decide she was tired of it.

After a little more round, during which Sam just looked at her anxiously, Dan pulled back from the bag, lowering her heavy arms of the exercise, at her side. She took a deep breath before wiping the sweat from her forehead with one hand as she could feel the salty drops stinging her eyes.

Knowing that Sam was with her, she straightened up with a sideways look at him before raising her guard to get ready to hit the bag again.

It was the sign for Sam as he got up from the ring to join her. "You called me in the middle of the night to let me watch you unleash on this poor bag?"

Dan managed a light roll of her eyes as she threw a hook against the side of the bag."It was..." Another hook. " … a mistake." She took a breath before advancing on her front foot. "Go..." He looked as she made a quick sequence of right and left."… home."

She ends up with an uppercut letting him finally reach for the bag to prevent her from hitting it further. Dan gasped to catch her breath before straightening her shoulders as she gave him a bored look.

However, Sam seemed barely disturbed as he nodded to the ring instead."You made me come here. We could also do something productive for two."

He could see the wheels in her head spinning as she glanced between him and the ring before taking a step back from the bag. He released the bag as he watched her take a sip of her bottle of water before resealing it as she passed under the ropes.

A slight smile appeared on his lips at the prospect of a small sparring session with the brunette. He could already feel the muscles and adrenaline pumping under his skin at the thought of a friendly little fight. He made his way under the ropes as Dan put her bottle down beside her bag on the floor before she straightened to confront him.

He raised his hands on guard with a small smirk in the excitement. "Are you sure you'll be able to keep up?"

"I had a warm up." She called back with a smile of her own before starting to move along the ring waiting for an opening.

Sam moved as he mastered his breath before taking the first step. He launched a straight line into her guard before attempting to attack her flank. Dan avoided all his moves before starting in her turn with a sequence of right and hooks. She pretended to hit him in the face before attacking his left flank twice. He lowered his elbows to block her blows before pushing her out of him.

She did not play. Her blows were meant to inflict pain.

_It was the second alarming sign for Sam._

He glanced up at the brunette, leaning his head to one side as he caught his breath before swallowing as he searched for a new opening. He could see fire and determination in her brown eyes. She had a lot on her mind. He could easily recognize this expression. He had seen it so many times in the mirror.

However, he did not really have time to think more as she kicked at him again. He stooped to avoid it before giving a grunt as she took the opportunity to throw a hook in his jaw before aiming for the back of his knee. He raised his knee to kick her feet out of him before grabbing her left before she made contact with his nose. Dan paused on her wrist before raising her stealthy eyes on him in alarm.

Sam smirked before pulling on her wrist to draw her to him. Dan tried to get away with a kick but he was faster. He leaned her back against his chest before pinching his right arm under her chin while his left hand held her head in a headlock. He could feel Dan struggling in his grip, forcing him to avoid her elbows in his flanks.

"Hey ... I thought ... argh-seriously?" He growled as she sent her elbow back into his ribs before grabbing his forearm holding her in place with her hands. "Can we know what made you angry?"

Dan struggled, pulling on his forearm before giving a grunt of frustration. "I'm ... not... angry!"

She let out another grunt before throwing her head back suddenly, letting him release her before she broke his nose. He staggered a little on his supports as she turned quickly on her feet to face him again.

He arched a somewhat dubious eyebrow before signing her posture in disbelief. "You seem pretty angry for me."

"You can't do anything about it." Was all she said as she rubbed the sweat flowing down her forehead again.

Sam sat in a dance with her again as he waited for her next attack before deciding to run again. He threw his knee to her ribs before throwing out his hook as she avoided his blows with a step to the side. Taking advantage of the opening, Dan threw her fist in his jaw before releasing a sharp gasp as Sam hit the back of her knee. She fell to the ground under the weight of pain before rushing to stand up in determination.

"Who doesn't play right now?" She challenged as she squeezed and loosened her fists in the hustle and bustle.

Sam shrugged his shoulders with a smirk as he caught his breath before raising his guard again. Dan did not give him much time to regain his senses as she ran straight at him with a series of kicks before taking support on his bent leg to propel herself on his shoulders.

Within a second, he was standing with Dan's legs blocking both arms as she blocked his head with her forearms. He stopped alert with a grunt as he could feel the brunette applying minimal pressure on his neck. A little more pressure and he could very well end up paralyzing.

Recognizing his defeat, Sam waved his hand in the void in capitalization."Okay, okay, you win."

Dan let out a laugh in his angry tone before loosening her legs around his trunk. She released his head before using his shoulders to return to the ring floor. Sam immediately turned on his heels before standing on one of the strings to catch his breath. He could see Dan turn her right arm with her hand over her shoulder to test the pain probably still present.

"It's the nightmares, right? They still prevent you from sleeping." He shouted after the brunette knowingly.

Dan stopped steadily in her steps toward her gym bag before turning to Sam, narrowing her lips."It would be better."

"Uh?" Exclaimed Sam visibly caught off guard.

Dan let out a long sigh this time as she took her bottle of water before wiping her lips with the back of her hand as she cast a new look at him. "I'm in a deep shit, Sam."

"Well that I didn't expect it." He said he was really surprised before frowning slightly in concern. "Who should I hit for you?"

Dan gave a weak smile in response before giving him a flat look. "Have you ever been told that your unfailing loyalty would eventually kill you one day?"

"I don't see what you're talking about. You're my former superior and my friend. I will do anything for you." He confided with conviction before raising an eyebrow at the sight of the brunette fleeing his eyes. "Dan, what's going on?"

Sam looked worried as she blew before reaching for the bandages around her hands.

She began to unroll the band quickly with her right hand before moving to the left fluidly."Do you remember Kandahar? "

Sam swallowed at the mere memory of this particularly dangerous mission during which they had lost more men than they could count. He looked away as he could feel the loss and the nightmares resurface at the mere mention. For nothing in the world he would like to rethink this mission.

"Exactly." Dan nodded at the sight of his reaction before sneaking the bands into her bag in frustration."Well, imagine Kandahar but x1000."

Now he was really worried about his friend. In which she could have put herself to make such a comparison. It was not Danae's kind to interfere with the government. She had left the army for a good reason.

"Dan-"

"There is absolutely nothing you can do to help me, Sam." She interrupted quickly with a gesture of her hand as a sign of anticipation."And even if you could, I wouldn't involve you in this kind of mess."

Obviously, he was not the only one to know the other well.

Sam frowned as he crossed his arms over his chest before advancing to her in the objection."Dan, you need my help. Of course, I'm going to help you. "

"You can't." She smiled bitterly before looking up at him seriously."I'm serious. I will handle the situation alone."

"How? Do you intend to attack a government organization with your bare hands?"

Dan shrugged one shoulder as an answer before giving him a sharp look. " Who knows. It can be an idea. "

"If Ben-"

"Ben is not here anymore!" She interrupted again with a little more force before getting out of the ring to pick up her things. "He's dead. And I must fend for myself. I will not give up."

Sam looked at the brunette in concern as he swallowed before moving forward until he hovered over her. "You're not alone, Dan."

Dan paused in her process of putting her bag on her shoulder to his statement before squinting her lips. He watched with bated breath as she stared into space for a moment as if she seemed to make a decision before, she raised her glowing brown eyes to him.

"You can't even know how wrong you are." She declared with a spark of defeat in her brown eyes. "Even the person with whom I would like to share this burden most can't know anything."

With that, she turned on her heels again, leaving Sam to look after her in a conflict of feelings."Dan, what are you going to do?"

"Try to stay alive to start!" She exclaimed, waving her hand over her shoulder in goodbye.

Sam immediately tilted his head in a bad presentiment before raising his voice at the sight of her back more and more distant. "It's not reassuring. At all. I hope you know it."

"We survived Kandahar." She called back, pausing at the entrance to the hallway before glancing at him with a small smirk. "We see each other at the Veterans Center. "

"You always say that and I'm still waiting for you!"

* * *

Stepping out of Peggy's room carefully, Steve hastily closed the door before sliding his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He was about to put on his cap to go out when the opening of the door some door farther called out to him.

Normally, he did not really care what was around him, but the simple sound of her voice made him stop in his footsteps. He knew her tone by heart now. It was like one of those engrained songs in his head and he just could not get rid of it. Not that he really wanted to get rid of it. On the contrary, he liked that slightly broken voice.

He glanced over his shoulder at once just to feel a slight smile slip on his lips as he saw Danae. It was the first time he had seen her since their ride in the clearing.

Every time he tried to reach her, she apologized deeply and explained that her job was taking up all her time. Even if she tried to talk to him as soon as she could, Steve could not help but be disappointed.

She and Robbie seemed oblivious to his presence as they chatted animatedly. The mere sight of her smile was enough to expand his. He took a moment to look at her, noting her drawn features and tired smile as she carefully placed her palm against Robbie's bouncing belly.  
He did not really know what they were talking about but if he had to make a guess, he would bet on the baby to come.

After all his conversations with Danae about Robbie's pregnancy, he knew she was truly happy for her friend. But it was also a reminder of the child she had lost. He watched her expression more closely to this thought and could easily see through her mask. There was that little gleam in her eyes as she spoke with animation. It just did not add up with her cheerful behavior. And yet, he could not help but realize how unique and beautiful she seemed at that moment. He was already fully aware of Dan's beauty but at that moment, he just could not help but look at her. Her warm smile was contagious.

It was also at this moment that Steve took into account the strangely irregular beat of his heartbeat. It was not the first time that he had realized this phenomenon in the presence of Dan, but it was the first time that he fully realized its meaning.

_He had feelings for Dan._

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He could feel his hands sweat in the pockets of his jeans and his throat become dry. He felt like he was having another asthma attack, except that Dan was the cause and the cure at the same time. He could feel his brain providing a lot of objections to this realization. Dan was his friend, his only friend. And she was still in mourning for her past love. He just could not have a feeling for her.

However, she suddenly raised her head. He felt his breath caught in his throat as he met her surprised gaze. She soon changed her expression into another smile making him hot again inside and out. He could already imagine the blush on his cheeks and her jokes of the reason for his blush at the sight. He had to remember to answer her with a smile of his own.

_God, he really had feelings for her._

And she was heading straight for him. He swallowed hard as she filled the space between them with a quick step. He could vaguely feel Robbie's presence not far from them but it was just that, a vague impression. He was too focused on Danae to even realize what was happening around him.

It was like this time Peggy had entered this bar all those decades back.

_Peggy._

He tried to think of all their memories together so as not to think more of the brunette advancing towards him. He could not-no, he must not have any feelings for Dan.

"Hey stranger." She greeted with a broad smile despite the obvious fatigue on her face. "Did you come to see Peggy?"

He nodded. "What about you ? Alma?"

He had to remember to act as usual. Dan used to read easily in him. It's strangely reassuring and disturbing for him at the same time. _She couldn't know how he felt about her._

"Mhmmhm ... how's Peggy doing?" She asked, giving a slight glance over her shoulder at Peggy's room.

"She's doing well." He answered sincerely before pushing his hands back into his pockets. "It was a good day."

Dan smiled at the good news before suddenly turning on her heels as a new person made themselves known to their little duet. "My, my, my, you don't look clumsy."

"Robbie." Dan warned as Steve tried his best not to blush.

_He had to admit it was a bit awkward. And it was all because of him._

He cleared his throat in the realization before mastering a small friendly smile towards the nurse. "Hi, Robbie."

"Hello, Steve. How are you ?" She asked politely before responding instantly to his place with a mischievous smile. "You're starving? What a coincidence ! Dee was telling me the same thing. Why don't you go to this little diner around the corner."

Steve noticed Dan rolling her eyes to her friend's antiques before crossing her arms over her chest. "I don't think I asked for your help to invite my friend to lunch, you know."

_Friend._

It was this word he had to remember despite the feeling of discomfort that it was giving him now. He had to admit that he did not think he would become a friend with Dan someday. She was closed and rude in every sense of the word. Nat called it passive-aggressive acting. But he had persevered and their relationship had continued to evolve from there. They stumbled their heads sometimes but it was strangely reassuring for him. They were not perfect and it was always nice to have a little reminder from time to time.

Honestly, he could not have hoped for anything better than finding Dan. He was sincerely lucky to have met the brunette in front of him. And now, part of him sincerely hoped that their relationship could someday evolve into something more.

"Fine, fine, I'll leave you in this case. I can recognize when I'm not wanted." She said, glancing at Dan before overtaking Steve.

Dan shook her head as she looked over his shoulder before returning her warm brown eyes to him with a small smile. "Well, it's been a while that we know not seen each other's. Do you want to catch up the last days around a lunch? "

He smiled instinctively at the sight of her nonchalant attitude before signing the hallway with his head. "Show the way."

"Ha, I knew you could not resist the call of food." She commented with mischief as she pointed her finger in his face on the way leaving Steve to look at her back with a new secret smile.

It was really hard to hide his simple satisfaction of being at her side.

On the way to the diner, Dan started talking while Steve was still trying to come to terms with his new revelation. He obviously could not tell her. Despite his new physique, he still lacked a lot of self-confidence. And even though she had told him many times that she had a soft spot for his pre-serum him.

At the mere thought, he could now feel his face warming and his throat tightening in nervousness. The mere fact of being at her side, feeling their hands touching lightly when they walked made him nervous. He was in a conflict in which he was not sure he could win. Part of him can't stopped reminding him that they were friends and that Dan's situation was far too complicated to hope for anything. But another part, kept thinking of their moment together with a burst of hope.

Entering dinner with Dan, Steve was relieved when he realized that few customers were present. There was only one older couple in one of the benches near the entrance and three patrons at the counter.

The smell of breakfast was still lingering in the restaurant.

Dan chose one of the benches in the back corner before removing her long light brown coat and the strap from her purse from her shoulder before settling into the bench opposite his.

He found that she seemed dressed a little more formal than usual today. She had a black turtleneck tucked into the waistband of her equally black fitted jeans and a pair of shiny black moccasins on her feet. Her long brown curls framed her heart-shaped face while a light golden make-up accentuated her eyes in a subtle way. He did not even know how he noticed that kind of thing now, but he could feel his heart throbbing again in his chest at the sight of Dan.

"Afternoon, you two." The waitress greeted, letting her eyes drag on him longer than was necessary. She smiled broadly as she immediately turned to him."What can I serve you, blondie? Coffee maybe?"

He could feel his cheeks warm up in the redhead's obvious flirt only it was more based on boredom now. He was fully aware of Dan's presence and she had just flirted with him in front of Dan. It was embarrassing and frustrating.

"Yeah, please." He answered quickly, before almost immediately turning his eyes to Dan.

Only he hastened to roll his eyes at the sight of the brunette suggestively waving her eyebrows in his direction and the back running away from the redhead.

"She was totally flirting with you ... _blondie_." She teased with mischief.

Hearing her say the affectionate nickname had the opposite effect of the waitress. He could once again feel his hands become moist and his throat tighten. He gesticulated in his seat as he put his forearms on the table before reaching for the dinner menu. Realizing that he was probably not going to dwell more on the waitress's act, Dan rolled her eyes in turn before taking the second available menu. He watched as she leaned against the back of her seat with the menu in one hand as she absently tapped her nails on the surface of the table.

He raised an eyebrow at the sight of her distracted gesture. He had been so focused on his new discovery that he did not even realize how tense she seemed despite her smiles. As if her distracted gesture was not enough to alert him, Dan glanced discreetly over her menu at the door. He frowned quickly as he saw her scan the perimeter.

_It was definitely not her habit._

She looked back at her menu before slowly raising her eyes to him just to straighten as she realized he already had his eyes on her.  
His frown only got worse from there as she swallowed nervously.

"Dan, what's going on?" He asked at once as he put the menu back on the table. The idea of eating was already forgotten for him.

"Nothing." She laughed immediately before giving a sigh under his insistent gaze. "I'm just a little nervous. There is no way to get any Captain on me."

"It's about this case you don't want to talk to me about?" He asked with concern.

Unfortunately, she did not really have time to answer as the waitress resurfaced with his coffee and a pot of cream. She took out her little notebook with a bile pen before turning to him again to ask for his order. Once again, he felt disturbed by the way she completely ignored Dan.

"Uh, hello? I'm here too." Dan finally intervened warming Steve's cheeks again with her attitude. He saw the waitress turn to Dan with a roll of her eyes. "Right, right here. I will have the special brunch."

The redhead quickly wrote Dan's command before turning to him again eagerly. "What about you, hon?"

"I'm going to have the same thing." He replied, remaining a polite minimum.

He did not really want to give this woman false hope. Before Dan, moreover.

Once again, they were left to themselves and Dan hastened to change the tone of their conversation. "Ten dollars she writes her number on your napkin."

"It's ridiculous." Objected immediately Steve in nervousness at the mere thought of having to push back the advances of this woman.

"Oh, come on, Stevie. She's pretty cute."Dan commented as she focused her attention on the waitress. "Redheads are fashionable." She enlarged her smile as she turned to him. "You have nothing against redheads, right?"

Steve frowned instantly in discomfort. Discussing this kind of thing had always been disturbing and uncomfortable but now it felt even worse. He really did not want to have that kind of conversation with her.

At his silence, Dan insisted more as she raised her eyebrows with mischief. "Right, you prefer blondes. Like ... Kate."

"I have no preference." He said, his tone even as he drew back at the sight of the waitress back with their dish.

"Here you go, handsome." The waitress interrupted them, placing their dish in front of him and then in front of Dan. Steve wrinkled his lips in boredom as he saw Dan mutely repeating _handsome_ with her lips in the direction of the redhead. "Anything else can I get for ya?"

He ignored her grimaces as he gave her a questioning look before answering for them both."No, thank you."

"Don't hesitate if you need something. Just call Roxy." Said the redhead with a wink in her path.

Dan almost failed to choke on the action this time before she quickly rested her glass of coke on the table to steal his napkin.

A wide, amused smile appeared on her lips as she waved the towel in his face dramatically."Ha, ha, told ya. You owe me ten dollars."

"I don't owe you anything." Steve objected, fighting a smile to her old ones. Despite his discomfort, he could not really help but find her behavior endearing. "And can you just give me back my towel, please?"

"Fine, fine, such to poop." She sighed, resting his napkin on his side before taking her cutlery to start eating.

With the smell of food infiltrating his nostrils, Steve soon copied Dan before taking a first bite of his lunch. They settled into a comfortable silence during which Steve stole more glances on Dan than it was politically correct. He literally had to remember not to look at her too long.

"When are you going to ask Kate to go on a date with you?" Dan asked suddenly between two bites.

He rested his fork on the side of his plate before giving her a bored look at her insistence."When you're going to go on a date."

He hoped it had not come out as hard and petty as he thought. Dan's simple idea of a date had the gift of making him sick.

"Technically I'm already going on a date." She reminded herself intelligently."Remember of Jay?"

At the mention of the detective, Steve could not help feeling that sudden lump in his stomach. The mere idea of eating no longer seemed so appetizing as he turned his eyes away from Dan in boredom.

"You said it was not a real date." He defended in the hope of suppressing the lump.

"Maybe but I was ready to go on a date so logically ..." She explained, waving her hand in his direction. "You should ask Kate."

Steve took his drink in his hands to try to distract himself before taking a sip. All the while, he could feel Dan's expectant eyes on him. Realizing she was not going to drop the subject, he let out a sigh as he rested his glass."I'm not interested like that by Kate."

"Okay, I would have tried to make you live." She said dramatically before shaking her head."Ah, such a loss for the girl."

Their subject of conversation shifted again to the things of their daily life. It was natural and easy for him to end up in a trance again as he watched Dan vaguely explain the specificities of a tandoori chicken recipe.

Finally, they finished their meal on a much lighter note and Dan insisted on paying half the bill. She teased him a little more like the redhead, Roxy, tried to flirt again before surprising him again as she made a show to take his arm on the way out. He could feel his skin clinking under her hand but he continued to enjoy the simple gesture as they walked side by side in the streets of DC. He really missed that kind of moment with Dan. It was barely a day and he could already feel the lack.

He should have realized his feelings much earlier. Perhaps then he would not have to undergo this little existential crisis.

"Look, Steve!" She suddenly hides at the sight of a florist before pulling him with her to show him the orchids. "Whoa, I have not seen such beautiful orchids for a while. "

He looked again in surprise as she leaned over to smell the flowers before leaving a smile on his lips as he realized it was a new side of Dan. The one she was hiding pretty well. She had told him all those weeks back that she was not romantic. But he could see that she was finally like all those women. It was just a facade.

"Do you like orchids?" He asked for future reference.

Dan straightened her expression before shrugging her shoulders. "Mhm. These are just flowers."

Steve gave a startled look at her behavior change before following her again with a slight frown as she walked away from the florist.  
He soon caught up with her side before raising an eyebrow as a question. "What just happened? "

"What do you mean ? "

"You were all excited at the sight of this flowers and ... well, you-"

"Were no longer?" She finished with an arched eyebrow before shrugging her shoulders."It's just that it reminded me that the last flowers I received were from Ben."

Steve winced internally at the mere mention of Ben. It was obvious that she could never share his feelings. Ben still had a big importance in her life. Maybe he should remember Peggy again instead of starting another relationship. He definitely could not move so easily when she was still there. Ben was not even there anymore, but that did not stop Dan from still being in love with him.

It was stupid to think that maybe he could have a more with her. No, he had to be content with their friendship. He could not afford to be greedy. The attention that Dan gave him was already much more than he could have hoped in his youth.


	28. It's easier to be alone

_"And you make jokes because you're afraid to take anything seriously. Because if you take things seriously, they matter." Unknow_

* * *

Staying awake was easier said than done.

Jay and I had gathered all of our research on his kitchen round table. Food wrappers, half-filled coffee cups, and printed papers hung around every corner of the plastic surface.

I strove to fight against sleep despite my regular nose prick. My head rocked back and forth every damn ten seconds. Even the bright writings of Jay's laptop screen seemed to blend into the chaotic scenery of Khallahan's apartment. I struggled again against the weight of my heavy eyelids before looking at his slump form. It seems that I was the only one still standing. Jay was sitting on one of the corners of the table with his right cheek resting on an empty pizza carton. I held a grimace as I could see a light trickle of drool threatening to flow on the corner of his lip with each of his snoring. His beard, which had been cut to perfection, was now longer, while his jet-black hair, formerly stylized in gelled spikes, was now a pile of hair on his head. I could already imagine the brands of tomato sauce impregnated on the right side of his face.

A slight smile of gratitude bowed my lips to the sight.

He had absolutely nothing to do with this case. Yet he remained despite everything. Despite his arrogant and sometimes annoying character, Jay was a true friend. He had even taken a month's leave to devote himself completely to the investigation. Part of me felt slightly guilty of taking so much time of his life but another was more relieved.

Releasing a deep sigh between my lips, I went in search of coffee. I scanned the table briefly for a cup before stopping on the nearest one. I leaned over the table to pick it up from the rubbish layer before leaning it toward me. A new grimace contorted my features in disgust at the sight of the greenish-brown liquid against the ceramic wall.

I shook my head as I rested almost immediately before trying my luck with the second cup. This one was closer to Jay. Lack of luck, it was empty for a long time.

I let myself fall into defeat against the chair I had previously held before quickly lifting my hand against my lips to hold back a yawn.

_I definitely needed caffeine in my veins. And preferably, a dose that was not likely to give me food poisoning. A shower would not be a refusal either. But I assumed that after two days locked in Jay's apartment, it was the last thing on my mind._

I climbed out of my seat and leaned on the table before making sure the noise was as low as possible. I picked up the two cups on the table on my way to the kitchen. The latter was just as, if not worse than the living room. A new sigh left my lips in plain sight.

I put the cups in the sink already crammed with crockery before going to do some cleaning on the counter and Jay's bar. I threw the packages in the trash in the corner before heading to his coffee machine.

Only a sudden vibration against the table interrupted me in the process.

Jay jumped almost immediately, laying his hands flat on the table before rubbing the wrapping carton off his face. He soon frowned visibly disoriented before making a groan to the vibrator agreement probably too loud for his taste. I returned to the table as the brown frantically searched his phone through the wrapper.

Finally, he tasted the latter under a stack of papers about the Winter Soldier before landing the call by rubbing his hand along his face in fatigue. His voice was still groggy and deeply impacted by the drowsiness still present in the back of his mind.

However, it was not long before he suddenly tensed, leaving me arched an eyebrow in the commotion as he suddenly turned to me seriously. All traces of fatigue and disorientation disappeared from his face as he activated the speaker before placing his phone in the center of the table.

"Bitches, you're still here? "

_Arlene._

Jay made a small growl in response to the playful voice of the redhead."Too damn loud."

"Arl, what's going on?" I asked in a bad presentiment before giving Jay a look as he got up from his chair to grab two new coffee cups from the coffee maker.

"Okay, you remember when you told me to continue researching Zingler?" Asked Arlene, making me wait in spite of herself. "Well, I dug a little and believe me, this guy deserved to die a much slower and painful death."

"Your point, Arl?" Jay fumed as he handed me a cup of freshly brewed coffee before taking a sip of his own cup with a sigh."Coffee. Now we can talk."

I rolled my eyes to his extravagance before turning my attention to the phone at the voice of Arlene. "Who pissed in your cereal?"

"Arlene." I hurry in impatience as I take my place in my turn on the nearest chair.

"Check your mails." She answered simply.

I immediately put my cup on the side of my computer in the plot before relighting it by sliding my finger on the central cursor. I was eager to connect to my mailbox before scrolling my messages in my inbox. Soon enough, an encrypted message from Arlene soon caught my attention as well as that of Jay.

"What are we supposed to do about this?" Jay grumbled in agitation. "It's encrypted, Arlene."

"God, I'm supposed to do all the work for you?" She asked, frustrated."This message is encrypted only for those who are not in the share bar. Aka not you."

"Why you don't just start with that?" Jay snorted disdainfully.

"_Why you don't just start with that_." Repeated the redhead puerile as she imitated a deep voice.

I rolled my eyes again to the duo before swallowing as I rested my eyes on the screen in front of me. I clicked on the icon to open it simply to freeze as I slowly took in the information just before me. Especially at the sight of the terms 'Project Insight'. They seemed to be inscribed at every corner of the line making me shake my fists to control my tic of agitation. I immediately raised my alert eyes on Jay over my screen in the realization.

"Project Insight?" He questioned in confusion before frowning with annoyance. "What the hell is that thing?"

I swallowed again in the hope of wiping that ball of anxiety down my throat as Arlen spoke again. "Yeah, this thing seems kind of important. All Zingler files were coded. He obviously didn't want us to find out what that meant."

"And in English ? What does it mean ?" Jay asked with a roll of his eyes in Arlene's computer jargon.

"I don't know."

"Well, what do you know then?" Jay gasped in annoyance.

I remained totally erased during their entire conversation.

All I could think of at the moment was my conversation with Fury and the fact that I still didn't share my knowledge about Project Insight with Jay. The latter seemed currently struggling not to break his phone as Arlene began rumbling again with computer terms.

Finally, I found enough courage to loosen my fists before catching my breath. I composed my expression alarmed in neutrality before taking another sip of my coffee to hydrate me.

"What I know ... is that this project is completely sick. In the kind global domination and megalomaniac trip." Arlene sighs with gravity."This is serious business. "

She did not even know how right she was. It was more than that. It must have been part of Hydra's plan all along. That's why Fury deliberately gave me all this information. He suspected from the beginning that Hydra was involved in this project. If ever a former German division got their hands on these hellicarrier who could eliminate anyone on a simple analysis then we were all screwed.

I anxiously chewed the inside of my cheek into the realization while Jay shot dagger with his eyes on the phone in suspicion. "You didn't tell anyone, right?"

"Jeez, trust issues much?" Arlene teased dryly, letting me imagine the redhead rolling her green eyes on the other side of the phone."Anyway, Danae? Are you still with us?"

I froze again at the sudden attention before making a point of avoiding Jay's gaze as I nodded despite the fact that she couldn't see me."Yeah, yeah, I'm here. "

"Good, because it's not over." Arlene answered gravely, making me fear the worst."Have you reached page 6 yet?"

I shared a brief eye contact with Jay over the computer before plunging myself back into the folder on my screen just like Jay. "What could be much worse than-_oh_ ..."

I could feel my breath getting stuck in my throat as I was taking in the information right in front of my eyes. I slowly looked up from the screen to meet Jay's gaze again.

"Yeah, it looks like the Winter Soldier has a new target." Intervened again Arlene forcing us to break eye contact to look at the phone instead. "And it looks like he's going after the Shield director."

I could feel the nervousness and anxiety creeping along my veins as I again took in the information frozen on my screen. It was written in black and white. Nick Fury was a threat that needed to be eliminated. Although I was not particularly close to the man with the eye patch or even deeply affected by such an announcement, I was visibly panicked to see him in danger. It simply meant that they had to back down from nothing to achieve their goal. Not only that but also that Jay and I could very well be the following ones. A fact that Jay also seemed to quickly become aware as he soon raised his restless eyes on me.

He swallowed hard, letting me resume the conversation. "Arlene ... can you get into the Shield Director's computer system?"

"Are you sure ?" Jay immediately hesitated.

I tilted my head as I looked at the ad again on my screen before nodding firmly. "We have to do something. Arlene?"

"Already on it." She answered immediately, letting us hear the sound of her fingers tapping the keys on her keyboard. "Whoa, it was easier than I thought. You might think that such a government organization would have better protection but ... _meh_ ... I guess my expectations are too much higher."

"You're in ?"

"Yeah. What do you want me to do?" She asked at once.

I wrinkled my lips as I briefly thought about a plan of action before putting my eyes back on the screen. "Do you think you could send those files under a code or something?"

"Probably not the best idea." She objected, letting me imagine her grimace. "If I was able to get through his firewall so easily from outside then imagine for those inside. I think it would be best to store this data in solid form before passing it through a trusted intermediary."

Jay scoffed almost automatically in response."A trusted intermediary? You still have not realized what shit we are in?"

"I can pass it on to someone." I intervened instantly, instantly receiving a surprised and suspicious look from Jay. "But I will still need you to leave something for me."

"No matter what it is, we will have to accelerate. They finally spotted the breaches." Said suddenly Arlene in agitation. "They counterattack."

I gave one last look at my screen in hesitation before ignoring Jay's questioning look. "Pass a message. Tell him I need to meet him. And that's urgent."

"Consider it done !" Assured Arlene in the excitement of her computerized battle with the Shield defense. "Ha, ha, they're strong. But I am even stronger."

"What are you going to do ?" Jay hissed in confusion.

As an answer, I just leaned over to get a USB in my bag before connecting it to Jay's computer.

"She shoots, she hits and she scores!" Suddenly exclaimed Arlene in victory before resuming her strumming on her keyboard. "Okay, I sent your message as a virus. I hope he likes The Sister of Mercy."

I scowled an eyebrow in recognition before giving a new look at the phone. "Do you mean this group of the 80s?"

"I had a little relapse in the playlist of my adolescence." She explained as an explanation making me sketch a small smile on my lips despite the situation. "Anyway, I will encrypt the folder again so I can secure it in a transfer. You could put it on a USB key. I just hope this guy is better than those supposed to protect him for the decrypted. Entering his system was like accessing the codes of nuclear launches. "

Jay gave me an incredulous look at the statement of the redhead before shaking his head with a snort of disdain. "Right! Piece of cake."

"I'll try to tell him." I said with a small smile to share with Jay.

"Okay. Well, Arlene is out, losers!"

Just like that, the redhead disconnected the call, letting me watch the phone in the center of the table for an extra moment before looking up at Jay.

The latter shook his head before resting his elbows on the table to hold his face in his hands. I almost immediately lost the lightness of my conversation with Arlene as I looked at the brown nervously. He let out a long weary sigh as he rubbed his hands along his face before turning his head towards me. "Are you going to tell me what I'm missing here?"

"I should probably kill you after that." I defended in the hope of appeasing the growing tension.

However, Jay just gave me a flat look making me wince at my failed attempt. He shook his head in defeat as he dropped heavily against his chair as I hastened to copy the new encrypted file that Arlene had just sent me on my USB key.

I took another look at the brown as I pulled the key safely before storing it in my bag.

Jay raised a simple eyebrow in response leaving me a weak sigh. "You trust me ?"

"I know you. Of course, I trust you, Dee." He assured me making me smile in spite of myself."But it's precisely because I know you that I know you're probably going to do something stupid."

I quickly composed my smile in a bored look at the truthful statement of the brown. "Have I ever told you how much I hated the fact that you could read me as well?"

"A couple of times."Answered the brown proudly before giving me a sharp look." It has become too much for us to handle, Dee. He plans to kill this guy. And I doubt that we can stop this ghost."

"Winter soldier." I rectified in spite of myself, arousing a whole new, agitated look from the brown.

He pointed at me as an argument. "That's exactly what I mean. You become too involved in this case. The guy shot you for God's sake!"

"You read his files like me." I defended with a new sense of protection on the masked man."You know damn good, what they did to him. He's a victim."

"This guy doesn't even know what a victim is anymore. Hell, I'm not even sure he knows he's human." He countered animatedly, making me fall back into my chair, biting the inside of my cheek.

_He was right._

_But I could not just go back now. Yes, I was involved and no, I did not want to give up. _

Not only did it involve Steve but there was also the winter soldier. He was a mystery as a whole and I could not help but feel sympathy and pity for his fate. It was not my habit to go soft, but there was just that damn memory of his empty eyes constantly nagging my mind. I could not help but feel that ounce of attraction towards him every time I looked at his picture. As if he begged me to help him only with his eyes. And I was not even talking about the impending death threat on the Shield director. Despite my reluctance against the man, he could not really be so horrible if he was willing to risk everything to dismantle Hydra. Including Jay and me.

Although it could just be an opportunistic action. I was not stupid, he seemed like the type of man to take advantage of the least resources at his disposal.

Anyway, I could not let him die without trying to do something to stop it.

"All I'm saying, Dee is that maybe we should plan a way out." Jay finally puffed in defeat.

I raised my eyes on the brown in the plot this time. "You've been thinking about it for a while."

"Not really." He corrected himself, shrugging his shoulders before giving me another look in an attempt to rally me behind his idea. "But we must have a withdrawal plan if ever ..."

I took a moment to breathe at his break before shaking my head solemnly. "If ever Fury ends up dying."

"Something tells me that these guys aren't the type to let those down the ladder live." Jay said with gravity making me swallow again to the truthfulness of his words. "And I doubt that your friend with a plan can do much."

This time, I took a deep breath at his introduction of Steve before giving him an unfriendly look. "Really? "

"What? You will also defend him?" Jay challenged with an arched eyebrow.

"You know damn right I'm going to do it." I answered without a shadow of a doubt before pointing at him. "Just leave Steve out of this."

Jay rolled his iron blue eyes at once visibly unaffected by my warning."You know if you go on like this, I'll start being jealous."

I was literally failing to choke on myself as I hurriedly spit out my coffee in my cup before shooting with my eyes the brown as he made a disgusted grimace at my act. I put my cup back in annoyance before using the back of my hand to wipe the corner of my lips.

Unfortunately, the brown seemed far from over as he resumed with mischief. "You like him."

"I-what?" I stammered in spite of myself.

It kindled the smile of the brown as he raised his eyebrows with suggestion. "You want to jump his bones. Mhm, I bet he's just as old-fashioned in the sheets. Boring."

"Oh my God !" I exclaimed in discomfort before grabbing a wrapping paper to throw it in his face. "Shut the hell up, Khallahan."

Jay narrowly avoided the paper with a hint of laughter at my pathetic shot before suddenly getting up with his cup of coffee in his hand. I narrowed my eyes on his fleeing back with annoyance before taking a break from the realization.

_Since when I acted so candidly. It was Steve the prude, not me._

I swallowed at the thought of the blond I had not seen for a while before shaking my head at the feeling that the thought of the super soldier gave me.

With the recent events, everything was more complicated between us. But I could not really deny the attraction I felt for him. And a tiny part of me kept reminding me that it was not just physical. I just could not afford to think of him as more than just a friend. I could feel it deep inside me, the day Steve was going to discover all my secrets was getting closer. And I was not particularly excited about what would come out of it.

I could already feel my heart contracting at the mere thought.

I wrinkled my lips in response before leaving a trembling breath. That was enough to make me frown. It was perhaps the first time I reacted so emotionally to my situation with Steve.

_It was ... no, certainly I could not have more than friendly feelings for him, right?_

I mean, I was still in love with Ben and maybe part of me would stay forever. But I could feel the changes in me for a while to be honest.

I had begun to advance for some time now.

_But that could not be so cliché, right? __Right! I wasn't that kind of girl._

I didn't have feelings for Steve!


	29. Alfa, Bravo, Charlie, Delta

_"Alfa, bravo, charlie, delta, echo, foxtrot, golf, hotel, india, juliet, kilo, lima, mike, november, oscar, papa, quebec, romeo, sierra, tango, uniform, victor, whiskey, x-ray, yankee, zulu. Secret agent code."_

* * *

"Jay? You hear me?"

_"Well, hello to you too, Dimarco."_ The brown replied sarcastically, letting me roll my eyes in annoyance.

_I really wasn't in the mood._

I readjusted my cap and hood before casting a discreet glance over my shoulder in the hustle and bustle. I swallowed as I could still feel that itch along my veins to run.

"Someone follows me."

_"What? What's happening ? Where are you?"_ Inquired the brown in panic.

I tried to act as relaxed as possible as I put my hands in the pockets of my bombers before discreetly readjust my wireless headphones."I'm at the corner of the Sanchez bakery." I said after a quick scan of the surroundings. "But they had to start spinning me for at least two blocks."

_"You see anyone who can match the description?"_ He asked gravely as he immediately went into professional mode.

"Do you seriously think that the type of guy against who we are is the type to be spotted so easily?" I said in a biting tone. I was frustrated and annoyed. "Damn spy agency, Khallahan."

I took a sudden step to the right at the sight of a new intersection before sneaking in between passersby. I tried to keep my head down in the hope of sowing them before checking my jaw in irritation at this lingering feeling. I was so distracted I barely registered the rain soaking in my clothes.

No matter who was on my heels, they were fast and experienced. They knew how to stay in the shadows in order to be invisible. I swallowed in the hope of erasing nervousness down my throat. My blood was pulsating at full speed along my veins under the effect of adrenaline.

I suddenly accelerated my pace at the sight of familiar surroundings. I could feel my heart speeding up in my chest as the feeling of creeping under my veins suddenly seemed to intensify.

_They were getting closer._

_"Do you see a place where you could take refuge?"_ Jay suggested in concern.

I scanned the area briefly before wrinkling my lips in frustration as I avoided another passerby who was going to bump in my shoulder."I'm stuck between passersby. They're not really the most accommodating on rainy days."

I struggled to keep my cool as I took my hand out of my pocket to test the waistband of my jeans to calm me down. The slight hump of the butt of my gun slightly soothed my frantic mind. After discovering the target on Fury, I made a special point of wearing it wherever I went. I released an inaudible breath as I readjusted the bottom of my jacket on my jeans to hide it before stretching me again to the sensation of being observed. I now understood the paranoia running in the veins of my victims now.

However, I strove to act as neutral as possible. It was exactly what they were looking for. If I continued my calm and measured pace, I was more likely to be able to go home.

Unfortunately, it seems like this was the last of my worries as I suddenly felt a new presence right behind me. I didn't even have time to do anything that one hand grabbed my arm while another landed in my lower back to force me to keep going.

"Don't stop. You're followed." An unknown female voice comes up against the shell of my ear.

"Yeah. By you!" I lashed coldly.

I tended to the feeling of the woman's hand tightening a little on my arm before swallowing at the Jay's voice in my ear. _"What-what is this?"_

"Hang up." The voice promptly ordered. "I'm not the one following you."

I felt my heart leap into uncertainty as I immediately frowned at the confusion.

_If it was not this person then who? Better still, who was she?_

My mind had initially suspected Natasha but I knew enough the voice of the redhead to make the difference now. No, this one was more serious.

"Do you seriously think that I will believe you?" I muttered in disbelief and impatience. "I don't even know who you are."

"I work for Fury." She whispered against my ear making me stretch out more."It seems to me you've been trying to contact him lately."

I narrowed my lips as I took another look at the hand holding me simply to see long, thin fingers holding me in place. "Is it really necessary?"

_"Dee? Dee, what's going on? Answer me !"_

Deciding to bet everything for everything, I reached for my wireless headset before turning off the call. The woman's grip seemed to loosen considerably from my arm, letting my eyes go ahead as we continued to move between the passers-by.

"What do you want ?"

"Do you see the coffee in front of you?" She asked instead, letting me take a critical look at the distant sign."Go inside."

Just like that, the grip on my arm and my back disappeared, leaving me to glance over my shoulder in the hope of catching a glimpse of the woman.

However, I let out a small grunt as everyone behind me seemed to look alike. None of them shouted spy in my opinion. I shook my head in frustration as I rested my eyes on the coffee opposite before chewing the inside of my cheek as a sign of consideration.

However, I was not long in letting my curiosity win as I put my fists back in my pockets. The feeling of a vibration along the back pocket of my jeans forced me to pick up my phone just to roll my eyes at the sight of Khallahan's tenth texts.

_He had not dragged._

I tapped a quick response in the hope of stopping his ceaseless spam before putting my phone back in my jeans pocket. I really could not handle Khallahan and a super spy whose identity was still unknown.

There was a very strong possibility that it was a trap. I was aware of it.

Nevertheless, I had decided to throw myself in the mouth of the wolf. Something told me that I had to trust my guts on this one. It was maybe a Russian roulette game but I was going to bet my chances on my guts. I stopped on the sidewalk to cross before crossing the road with a quick step. I glanced over my shoulder as I approached the little neighborhood cafe before pushing the door. A clang of bell announced my arrival while I removed my hood completely soaked.

I quickly scanned the coffee in search of the woman from earlier. The coffee itself was absolutely nothing special. There was a long counter where a senior couple had gathered while a family of four was in one of the benches near the window.

Only one person was on one of the benches closest to the entrance. I frowned immediately as I took in the visibly feminine silhouette.  
The person was wearing a long black trench coat while her jet-black hair was loose on her back. The light curls worked down to her shoulders.

I weighed my decision for the last time in my head before taking a step towards the woman. I slid into the bench opposite hers before arching an eyebrow impetuously. "Who the hell are you?"

"Maria Hill. I'm the P.A of the director Fury." She answered immediately after placing her cup of coffee on the table. "And you're Danae Dimarco."

I simply did not know her knowledge about me as I took more in her appearance. She seemed a superior class in her professional fitted dress and neat nails. She was a pretty tall woman with exposed curves and an oval face that could easily be considered attractive. Her blue-gray eyes seemed to pierce my soul as she bent her head in observation. Obviously, she had absolutely nothing to envy to Romanoff. Whether in terms of physics or in terms of competence. With the exception that Natasha seemed much more teasing and nonchalant in the way she acted. Only for me, they were both in the same boat. They worked for a corrupt organization.

The waitress's approach interrupted me in my observation process. "Hi, sugar. What can I get for you?"

I did not even lift my eyes from Hill as I placed my order." A coffee. Black. Sugar free."

"I'll be right back." Announced the waitress, probably more in her fifties than in her twenties. Not that I really knew it since I was too focused on the woman in front of me.

I finally caught an eyebrow in impatience as Hill gave a smile to the waitress before turning back to me. "How did you go through our firewalls?"

"I don't do it. But the person who came into your software was deeply disappointed by the lack of challenge. You may want to consider hiring more competent staff." I explained with a touch of arrogance before leaning against the back of the bench with my arms crossed over my chest. "Fury liked The Sister of Mercy?"

The briefest of smiles curled the brunette's pale pink lips to memory. "I doubt he adds it to his playlist."

I relaxed a bit as the waitress returned to us with my cup of coffee. I gave her a short nod as a thank you before leaning over the table with my arms crossed. I took the steaming cup between my hands before suddenly shuddering with thermal shock.

I had been so distracted by the spinning and intervention of the Fury Minion that I did not even realize how cold I was. I raised the steaming cup to my lips to take a sip before resting it in front of me with my hands around in an attempt to warm myself up.

I narrowed my eyes in mistrust of the still somewhat doubtful woman. "What proves to me that you're the one you claim to be?"

"Fury warned me that you weren't really the confident kind." Maria Hill nodded before tugging on me again as she ran her hand under her trench coat.

She almost immediately took out a picture before handing it to me. I gave her a curious look as I took the picture of her long fingers worthy of a pianist before raising my eyebrows at the sight of the photo. It was a snapshot of Steve's cosplay group. They seemed to be in a kind of foreign restaurant. My gaze lingered on the blond beaten patriotic uniform before stopping on the face of the woman currently in front of me.

There was absolutely no proof that she was not a Hydra agent but given her knowledge and ability to share I assumed I could give her the benefit of the doubt. For the moment, at least. At the least shady sign, I was out of this damn coffee.

I gave her the picture before looking at her as she hid it in her coat again.

She raised an eyebrow at the sight of my expression. "You still don't believe me."

"Sorry if a little family photo is not enough to convince me." I replied with attitude.

Another small smile bowed her lips to my attitude before she resumed seriously."But I'm the one you have to interact with, Danae. Fury said that your message seemed important."

"Where's Fury right now?" I asked gravely at the thought of the reason for my message.

"He ... manages some slight setback." Mysteriously replied the woman in neutrality before giving me a new attentive look. "The Lemurian Star has been compromised."

This had the gift of practically erasing all my doubts about the woman in front of me. There was absolutely no chance that Fury would deliberately leave this kind of information out of Hydra's reach.

On the other hand, it had the gift of making me all the more nervous about the fate of the director of the organization. "It's bad. Very, very bad."

Maria raised an eyebrow at my statement, letting me shake my head as a silent message. I just could not say out loud what I knew. Now that I was certain of the woman's loyalty to me, it was certain that she was not following me. I took another sip of coffee to calm my nerves before looking at the street through the window. The rain seemed to have calmed down in a light drizzle, giving the inhabitants of Washington a moment of respite.

I could perfectly feel the woman's patient gaze on my profile letting me take a fresh breath before turning to her again. "What he's planning to do to manage this setback?"

Maria seemed to weigh the pros and cons in her head to share this type of information before taking another sip of her own coffee. I watched all the time in a deep bad feeling.

Somehow, I was already aware of Fury's solution.

A fact that Hill also seemed to share as she gave me a knowing look. "He will send our best asset."

I felt my breath get stuck in my throat despite me as I realized that what I had been dreading for weeks could very well happen much sooner than I thought. Being so near of the debacle with Hydra, Steve could very well learn what was going on behind his back. It also meant that he was going to discover my involvement and the secrets I had kept for myself all this time.

A new weight of guilt settled on my shoulders as I tried to pass the pill with a new dose of coffee.

Unfortunately, Steve was one of the least concerned at the moment. Fury's life was at stake.

"I think he should pull out of the game." I suddenly announced in a cryptic tone.

Hill frowned as quickly as she took in my slightly arched form before scanning my expression a little deeper.

"You have discovered something." Realized the woman after her analysis before accentuating her observation. "What do you know? "

"I know nothing more than what Fury lets me know. That's ... nothing." I lied in an attempt to convey the message to Hill as I put my bag on the table, patting the outside pocket. Her eyes traveled between my poker face and my hand in realization.

I took my bag to my side by discreetly opening the outside pocket to recover the USB in my fist before taking my cup of coffee with my free hand. I threw my head back to swallow the rest of liquid before resting my cup. I covered it with my hand before dropping the key inside the cup.

"I hope Fury can fix the problem." I replied with a double meaning as I did nothing. "Agent Hill."

I was already halfway to the exit when the high heels of the brunette rushing to me called me."Danae, wait." I raised an eyebrow in question before glancing at my mug still on the table. Hill hastened to discreetly show me the key now in her palm before giving me a nod."You should try the kitchens. I heard it gave on another street."

I raised my eyebrows with a small smirk before nodding as I turned back. I was quick to sneak behind the counter under the confused eyes of the waitress before entering the kitchen.

"What are you doing, it's a private kitchen. You have not seen the sign at the entrance. Employees only."

I did not know the cook's cries as I quickly scanned the kitchen for the door.

A new smile appeared on my lips at the sight of an iron door on my left. I gave the cook a salute on my way before pulling my hood over my head again as I made my way down the street.


	30. It's worth taking the risk ?

_"I hate waiting. But if it's waiting for you, I'll wait." Unknow._

* * *

Steve loved his morning runs. It gave him time to think and release all his stacked frustrations. Exercise had always been his way of breaking down his frustrations. After he awoke, he found relief in the boxing gym and now he was running as soon as he had the opportunity.

Usually, his thoughts were more focused on the change of the world and his doubts about his involvement with the Shield. But for some days he could only think of one thing and only one.

_Dan._

After his own little revelation in the care center, Steve had been overwhelmed by an internal conflict. On the one hand, the guilt with respect to Peggy and on the other his more than insatiable desire to see Dan again. They had been separated again by their respective jobs and he just could not help but feel that feeling of agitation under his skin. He wanted more than anything to see her just to ease his mind.

Maybe he was not really attracted to Dan like that. Maybe it was a one-time thing. She had been particularly dressed the day he had seen her. Maybe she had kindled his curiosity a bit more than usual.

Although he tried to brush his feelings aside, he knew deep down what he was feeling. He could not deny how he felt. How his heart seemed to skip a beat every time she gave him one of her mischievous smiles, the way his blood was pulsating at full speed when their arms touched each other as they walked.

He may have thought too much about it but he could not help but replay each of their interaction in his head. How she knew so much about him, how she kept raising him every time he tried to diminish himself and even the efforts, she had made to help him integrate into this world. Dan had absolutely no need to do all this for him.

In retrospect, Steve realized that it was something that had been built in the time. When everything was so fast with Peggy, his relationship with Dan was built in time. It was not a love affair at first sight or even a matter of attraction. They had first struck a friendship then they had crossed a few bad waters before stabilizing in a situation of in-between.

Unfortunately, this in-between situation had the gift of playing with Steve's nerves. He was not good with women and Dan seemed to be his biggest challenge. She was anything but predictable. When he thought he knew what was going on her mind, she was doing exactly the opposite.

Hence the reason he just felt restless lately. Not only did he manage with these new feelings but he also had to try to guess if they were shared.

_Could she return his feelings? It seemed unlikely for Steve._

Dan did not seem ready for any type of romance. And yet part of Steve kept hoping that the moments they had shared meant something to her. He knew for sure that she did not act with anyone else as she did with him. Dan was not the type of social butterfly to start with, but she seemed to have relaxed enough in his presence. She was herself.

The sun began to rise as he ran. A light trickle of sweat covered his forehead as he kept a steady pace. He was hardly exhausted by the effort. No, he was more exhausted by the thoughts plaguing his mind. He knew he had to decide on his feelings at some point. He could not continue to deny what he was feeling. And to be honest, he did not have the slightest desire. He had already lost a lot of time with Peggy. He did not want to lose his plausible second chance.

Nevertheless, he could not help but be anxious about his rejection. What would happen if he ever confessed what he felt to Dan and she didn't feel the same way? It was likely to impact their relationship.

Steve could not bear the thought of ruining their friendship simply because he could not be with a girl without doing a fuss over her. The remoteness was supposed to allow him to put his ideas in order to come to a conclusion with a decision. But it was exactly the opposite. He wanted to see Dan again and share another moment with her. It was at this point.

He needed to know if Dan had even a plausible attraction to him. He needed to know if all these feelings were only on one side.

Usually, he regularly passed runners like him during his morning run. They did not really care and he learned to do the same as he kept his pace relaxed. Nevertheless, since the serum of super soldier ran in his veins, his pace was always faster than those who ran at a normal pace. Unsurprisingly, they still did not catch up with him so he had made it a habit to warn them of his passing.

He was already on his second lap as he approached this man again.

However, when he passed him, the man answered quickly. "Uh-huh, on my left. Got it."

He began another round as he could still feel that buzzer energy under his skin. He had come to realize that he simply could not silence his thoughts about Dan before a good dozen of turns. It was only when he began to feel fatigue along his limbs that his mind seemed to calm down.

He was already on the verge of taking another turn when he came across the black man again.

The latter seemed to be anticipating his approach this time as he gauged him over his shoulder."Don't say it! Don't you say it!"

His tone was plowed through his veiled threat as he tried to accelerate his pace ahead of him.

"On your left." He declared as he passed him again.

Steve smirked as the man let out a frustrated yell as they circled a new corner.

As expected, his thoughts seemed to slow down at the feeling of stretching along his limbs. He decided to slow down his pace before slowly catching his breath as he scanned the park briefly. His gaze soon fell on the man in front, now lying against a tree trunk. At the sight of his breath rising and falling from his chest at a fast pace and the light sweat clogging the neck of his sweatshirt, Steve guessed he must have just finished his run.

Deciding that this might give him another source of distraction from his thoughts on Dan, Steve stepped toward him with his hands on his hips.

"Need a medic?" He teased with a smirk.

The man let out a laugh as he rubbed his hand on his chest. "I need a new set of lungs. Dude, you just ran, like, thirteen miles in thirty minutes."

"I guess I got a late new start." Said Steve making the man laugh again.

"Really? You should be ashamed of yourself." He looked up from his position on the floor."You should take another leap." He waved his hand to the path they came from before giving a new breath as he looked back at Steve. "Did you just take it? I assume you just took it."

At the sight of his army sweatshirt, Steve pointed him in curiosity."What unit are you in? "

"58th Pararescue." He replied, looking up at him before pointing over his shoulder. "But now I'm working down at the VA. Sam Wilson. "

He held out his hand waiting for his help, leaving Steve to catch him before helping him get up."Steve Rogers."

"Yeah, I kinda put that together." He replied with a faint sight."Must have freaked you out coming home from the whole defrosting thing."

Steve let out a long sigh before nodding his head in agreement. "Take some getting used to. It's good to meet you, Sam."

He pretended to leave only Sam hastened to hold him back."It's your bed, right? "

"What's that?" He asked immediately, turning on his feet.

"Your bed. It's too soft."He said knowingly. "When I was over there I'd sleep on the ground. Used rock for pillows, like a caveman. Now I'm home ... lying in my bed, and it's like ..."

"Lying on Marshmallow." Steve nod in understanding. "Feel like I'm gonna sink right to the floor."

Sam let out a laugh before leaning his head, waving his hand in the air. "My former unit head used to sleep on the floor every time she returned from a deployment."

"I could have done that once or twice." Steve nodded. "How long? "

"Two turns." Sam replied, crossing his arms over his chest. "You must miss the good old days. Huh?"

"Well ... things are not so bad." Steve replied with a sigh before sketching a small smile with a shrug. "Food's a lot better; we used to boil everything. No Polio's good. Internet. So helpful. Been reading that a lot. Trying to catch up."

"Marvin Gay. 1972 Trouble Man soundtrack." Sam immediately suggested with a smile that prompted Steve to take out his little notebook, which he had told Dan, to write down the reference. "Everything you missed. Jammed in one hour."

Steve looked up from his notebook as he writes the reference in interest. "I'll pull it on the list."

Unfortunately, their little conversation was soon cut short as Steve felt his phone vibrate in the pocket of his jogger. He took out his phone just to read a message of impending extraction.

He narrowed his lips before giving Sam a look. "Alright Sam. Duty calls. Thanks for the run."He leaned down to shake his hand before giving him a smirk, teasingly. "If that's what you call _'running_'."

"Oh, that's how it is?"

"Oh, that's how it is." Steve said as Sam let out a new laugh.

He turned back to the sidewalk where he knew Nat was coming to pick him up when Sam called him again. "Any time you want to stop by the VA and make me look awesome in front of the girl at the front desk. Just let me know. "

"I'll keep it in mind."

Just like that, the sound of a powerful engine resonates as Natasha's black sports car slows down not far from their duet.

Steve watched as Nat lowered the transient window with her head bent over to see him. "Hey fellas. Either one of you know where the Smithsonian is? I'm here to pick up a fossil."

Her tone was playful and light in a teasing path vaguely reminiscent him of Dan as he turned to look at Sam before heading for the car."That's hilarious." He said dryly as he opened the passenger door.

Sam leaned in to flirt openly with the redhead at the wheel. "How are you doing? "

"Hey. "

Steve smiled a little as he turned to Sam with a little bit of arrogance."Can't run everywhere."

* * *

While Steve was preparing to go on a mission, I was currently sitting on the floor of my room covered with confidential Shield files. I simply could not stand idly by when I knew that the stalls were threatening to close a little more each day on me.

I needed proof and a way to dismantle Hydra once and for all. Obviously, this was done by destroying Hellicarriers but that was not really a cakewalk.

I chewed the inside of my cheek as I took the printed plans of the Hellicarriers before examining their technicalities. They were going to be huge. And mortal.

I could already imagine all those on Hydra's list. People like Steve to start then the rest of his Cosplay group. As well as all those still to discover.

_If nobody did anything to stop them, it was going to end in genocide._

I swallowed in anxiety at the mere thought before laying the plans on the floor with a sigh.

However, the sudden ringing of my apartment caught my attention. Since Kate was on a new guard at the hospital I was the only one in the apartment. I contemplated the idea of simply ignoring the person behind the door only the latter hastened to insist.

I left a deep frustrated sigh as I climbed onto my feet before making my way to my dresser. I retrieved my gun next to Ben's frame and me before removing the safety catch on my way. I checked the magazine by mere habit as I crossed the hallway of the entrance before sticking the barrel of my weapon against the wooden door while my free hand turned the handle.

I opened the door in mistrust before pulling it completely open to Jay's sight. "Khallahan, what are you doing here? "

"Whoa, always so welcoming, Dimarco. I can ... thanks." He signed the hallway over my shoulder before making himself comfortable as he passed me in the hustle and bustle.

I rolled my eyes as I closed the door behind me before handing over the safety of my gun as I followed him into the living room.

Jay immediately turned on his heels at the agreement of my approach leaving me arching an eyebrow as he let a pair of keys hang between his fingers."Your withdrawal plan."

"My what now?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest with a frown.

"_Your withdrawal plan_." Repeated the brown, rolling his eyes as he walked over to me before putting his sports bag on the ground to take my hand.

I gave a strange look at his bag before looking up at him as he opened my hand to put the keys in my palm.

"What are you doing ? Wait, actually why do you have a bag?" I declared totally confused at this point before looking at the keychain in my hands."And why are you giving me-wait, these are the keys to your bike."

"Yeah, so you better be careful with her." The brown warned me lightly, letting my eyes rest on him. Khallahan immediately sighed in plain sight. "I know what you think. But you must admit that it became so much more than you could bear. It's no longer our responsibility, Dee."

"You give up." I realized with a slight hint of bitterness in my tone.

"Wrong. I survive."Corrected the man boldly before giving me a defiant look. "Tell me I'm wrong."

I wrinkled my lips in a torment of feelings. Anger, fear but above all acceptance. He was right. Things had turned a corner for the worst in the space of a few months.

I rested my eyes on the keys in my palm as I swallowed before looking up at Jay. "What are you going to do ?"

Jay tensed almost immediately at my question making me frown in spite of myself as he turned away his eyes. "I don't think it's smart to know each other's whereabouts."

"Right. It's probably safer." I conceded in a whisper before squeezing the keys in my palm. I could feel the pressure threatening to tear my skin.

A silence fell on our duet as Jay seemed to get a little agitated. I could see his fingers banging distractedly along his thigh.

I raised my eyebrow in plain sight before I immediately raised my eyes to the brown in suspicion. "Are you really going to leave?"

"Huh? What? Yes!" He promptly made me simply give him an aggravated look into the realization. "Dee ..."

I took a step back at once, raising my hand to stop him. "What are you going to do, Jay? "

The brown was silent at my question making me shake my head before checking my jaw impatiently.

I took a deep breath before giving him a pointed look as a pressure."Stop with your lies and tell me the truth! What's happening ?"

"I can't tell you." He sighed in frustration, making my eyes widen in disbelief. "I know you probably want to hurt me a lot right now but you have to trust me."

I immediately left a scoffed at the euphemism of his statement. "You come to my house with a bag, give me your keys and tell me to leave the city while you tell me that you will also leave the city when it's wrong. And you expect me to trust you without a shadow of a doubt?"

"Theoretically, I'm going to leave the city." The brown made me cross my arms straight to my chest, keeping his keys pressed into my palm to keep my temper under control. The pain was always a good anchor."But I will not be reachable for a while. "

"Oh right, and I totally agree with that." I replied sarcastically dripping with each of my words. "I mean, it's perfectly normal. You're going to disappear and I have to be totally ok with that. No big deal."

Jay gave me a placid look at my attitude before copying my frustrated position. "I remind you that I followed you blindly in this matter. And that's where I am now."

"I don't even know what situation you're in!" I reminded, raising my voice in aggravation.

Jay just rolled his eyes in response before bending down to get his bag on the floor. I gauged him in disbelief as he passed me before storming after him as he walked towards the exit.

"Whoa, whoa ... you don't have the right to leave like this."

"Yes I do!" Sustained the brown as he turned to me with his hand on the door handle. "Just do what I say, Dee. Find a withdrawal plan. I'll contact you when it's all settled."

I held a curse as I pinched the bridge of my nose to his incoherent speech before raising my eyes on him waving my hand in the animation. "What will be settled."

"Leave the town, Dee." He answered simply with gravity this time. "I'm serious."

With that, I found myself watching his back fleeing through the door before finding me face to face with it.

I felt my shoulders fall into defeat before turning my attention to the keys in my hand. I swallowed as I weighed my options before leaving a sigh.

Even though I really wanted to go against his request, he was absolutely right down the line.

It was no longer a simple case. There was a threat of genocide all over the planet. And I did not even talk about the threat to our lives. I had no choice, I had to prepare a withdrawal plan.

* * *

_Hey, guys,_

_So, we are officially in Captain America: Winter Soldier.  
I wanted to thank everyone who added this story to their favorites or who even decided to follow me. it really matters to me. I would also like to make a special wink for **Love. Fiction. 2019**, **GabsRibeiro** and **TheQueenofGoodbyes** for their reviews. They really touch me and your support gives me inspiration to continue this story._

_With that, I look forward to your comments._


	31. What if

_"If you asked me how many times you've crossed my mind I would say once because you never really left." _

* * *

Preparing a withdrawal plan was not as easy as it seemed at first sight. There was so much variable to consider. Especially when the enemy happened to be an old German division that had survived for more than seventy years. And I did not even talk about my little job next door. No matter how much I tried to ignore it, I just could not give up trying to find a way to divulge the Shield's actions.

Until now I had come up with several action plans but I was still not sure of everyone's success. There was way too much shade to allow me this kind of slip.

So I was mainly busy planning my outing. I packed an emergency bag in case of an impromptu flee and even booked a plane ticket.  
However, this was in case of extreme necessity. For now, I needed a place to fall back when I should run away. A place where I could possibly find help. With Khallahan out of the picture, I could not really deny the fact that I felt excruciatingly alone. Enough that I was thinking more and more to reveal the whole truth to Steve.

Unfortunately, the last days separating us had been enough to dissuade me. I did not really know if he was really busy or if he was avoiding me but the blond super-soldier just seemed to have disappeared from my life during the last days.

_Part of me could not help thinking that he had discovered the truth for himself._

I felt my breath get stuck in my throat at the mere thought. I stopped what I was doing in a sudden feeling of fatigue. I had been adrenaline-bound these past few days and had forced myself to think as little as possible about Steve. He had the gift of distracting me from my task. Even more so when I could still feel these questions about my attraction to the back of my mind.

_Part of me could not help but remember that if things were different ...  
_

_The famous what if…  
_

_I blamed Robbie for this realization._

Unfortunately, that would only be a thought.

Realizing that this was probably the last thing I should think about right now, I was getting out of my bed again before grabbing my emergency bag with the helmet Steve had given me. The mere sight of the gift was enough to sting my heart again allowing me to swallow as I tightened my grip on the straps.

I took a deep breath as I walked through the living room before making a brusque break as Kate chose this moment to step out of the bathroom by rubbing a towel against her wet hair. She paused in turn to see me before quickly frowning at the sight of the bag and helmet in my hands. "You're going somewhere?"

"I have to give some things back to Sam." I lie easily. Too easily before squinting my lips. "I shouldn't come back too late."

Kate quickly changed her attitude with a gentle smile on her lips. "You know, I didn't really ask before but where does this passion for the bike come from?"

"Well ..." I shrugged my shoulders looking for a story cover before giving her a knowing look."I couldn't borrow your car indefinitely."

Kate seemed to be coming out of her character again as she seemed to be analyzing my answer with a close look. It was in those moments that I could not help thinking about Jay.

With the last few weeks, I was a little ashamed to admit that I intentionally kept myself away from my roommate. I just could not help but doubt her intentions. Hence the reason why I did not really give her time to think more about my answer. I accelerated through the hallway of the entrance with a quick 'bye' over my shoulder before hitting the stairs of the building.

* * *

Steve was not really in a good mood lately. Not only did he keep thinking of Dan and his plan of action to come to terms with his feelings but the last operation had been a real disaster. It had the gift to make him rethink his affiliation with the Shield and more about his beliefs. He had always acted on a type of conduct. He acted for what he thought was right. He thought serving and enlisting again was the right solution, but he could begin to see that was not the answer. Dan had not only long realized this, but the last operation was enough to challenge any of the operations he had had with the Shield.

During the Lemurian Star op, he had found that he had to release the hostages on the ship and deal with the pirates while Nat was apparently stained to retrieve information on the Shield. He did not really understand the purpose of her mission either, but she had endangered the entire op. When they returned to Triskelion, Steve had made his way directly into Nick Fury's office for answers.

Unfortunately, his confrontation with Fury had led him to discover more than he thought. Fury had shared with him the future. Or at least what the Shield thought was the future. The Project Insight. It wasn't what he expected.

The Project Insight consisted of three next-generation Hellicarriers that were synchronized by targeting satellites. These launch satellites were supposed to be launched from the Lemurian Star. Once in the air, these Helicarriers couldn't go down again, thanks to the technologies of Stark. They were equipped with long-range rifles that could eliminate thousands of hostiles in the space of a minute. They could neutralize a lot of threats even before they happen.

All the time Fury had explained the purpose of the project; Steve had felt his guts wringing in a bad feeling. That was all he had been fighting for and sacrificing his life. For him, it was just a way to hold the whole planet at the end of a gun and call it protection.

Hence the reason he had made his way to the museum exhibition. He could not help but think after meeting Fury and everything seemed to be jostling in his head. He could not help but rethink his life, his choices and the resulting consequences. He thought he had saved the world but he quickly learned that the world had not really changed. And he would probably never change. There would always be a new threat or a new war.

Walking in the dark room where Peggy's interview was looping had turned him into a whole new stream of thoughts. More specifically oriented around Dan. He had only avoided her for the last couple of days, and yet the only thing he had wanted at the moment was to be able to tell her all his doubts.

Unfortunately, he was not sure if he could talk to her about this kind of thing. Part of him was still not sure he could face her. That was why he had gone to the care center to talk to Peggy instead. He thought she was probably better placed to understand his internal struggle. She had founded the Shield after all and that was why he had agreed to become an asset in the first place.

Later, he realized that he simply liked being able to live as close to Dan as possible.

He had plenty of time to think about his relationship with Dan. He had been able to calm down after his last run and even when Nat had been bothering him about dating during the mission. He had not been so agitated by her incessant proposals. To tell the truth, it only reinforced his thought.

After spending most of their time together, Steve was certain that Dan also had feelings for him. Obviously, there was always a little bit of doubt, but he sincerely hoped that he was not mistaken.

There was plenty of clue leading him to think so.

First, Dan had the gift of confiding with him as she didn't confide in anyone. She was always there for him, listening to him vent his frustrations or even helping him understand a change in the modern world. She had many times crossed her habits to please him or show him her appreciation. She had also made a lot of hints about his pre-serum version. She had no problem getting some contacts with him and it was almost certain that this day in the clearing was their first date. They shared a bond he had never shared with anyone before. Even Peggy.

Nevertheless, he was not really ready to confront Dan about their mutual feelings. That was why he had gone to the center of the Veteran Association that Sam had told him about. He still needed to put his ideas in order. He was not sure what to expect when he entered the center. The receptionist pointed him in the right direction at the mention of Sam Wilson and he was not long in perceiving a meeting currently in progress.

Not wanting to disrupt the meeting, Steve leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest. He scans the group of veterans gathered in front of Sam. He could already tell that Sam was good at what he was doing. Sam's message was serious and easily comparable with what he himself had to deal with after waking up.

Strangely, Steve thought about Dan again about her talk on the army. He had quickly come to the conclusion that she had been for the most part the factor for his recovery. Without her, he probably would not have made so much progress. He could not even call it progress, it was more for him.

Dan had allowed him to flourish like Steve Rogers and not his alter-ego. She had never really given real importance to Captain America to begin with. She had called him on his faults and had forced him out of his comfort zone. This simple fact was enough to make him realize how important she was to him. Dan had done more for him than anyone. And he could not help falling a little more each day for her. He had fully and completely adopted his lifestyle with her and he could not help feeling her absence every moment away from her. She had become a variable in his life that he could not afford to lose.

In the space of four months, Dan had gained his trust and completely accepted him as he was. He had managed to accept his fate through her intervention in his life. And that was why he could not help but dread Dan's reaction if he ever confessed his feelings.

_Would she reject him? Give him a good punch before telling him not to approach her ? Or maybe she would remind him of Ben, of Peggy._

His train of thought was soon interrupted by the movement of the participants in the meeting. It seems that it was over. He waited on the sidelines as most of the occupants left the room before spotting Sam persisting in the back. The latter was standing at one of the tables to arrange some brochures letting Steve come to him with his hands in his pockets.

"Look who it is : the running man." Recognized Sam as he says goodbye to one of the last participants before turning to him.

"Caught the last few minutes. It's pretty intense." He commented as he leaned against the wall.

"Yeah, brother, we got the same problems." Sam agreed. "Guilt, regret ..."

At the sight of Sam's distant gaze, Steve nodded in understanding. "You lost someone?"

"Yeah. Two people. My wingman, Riley. Flying a night mission. Standard PJ rescue op. Nothing we hadn't a thousand times before."Sam paused to catch his breath. "Until a RPG knocked Riley's dumbass out of the sky." He shook his head, narrowing his lips. "Nothing I could do. It's like I was up there just to watch."Steve embraces himself for the sad aftermath. "The second was one of my comrades in the army. A hothead but he was my friend. And he left his wife behind."

Steve lowered his head as he gave Sam a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry. "

The memory was all too identical to what had happened with Bucky. He knew how to feel. The feeling of helplessness and guilt.

"After that, I had a really hard time finding a reason to be over there, you know?" Admit Sam.

"But you're happy now, back in the world?" Steve asked, hoping to get some sort of happy ending or even a sign that could comfort him in a future idea for him.

Sam let out a small laugh, shrugging his shoulders."Well, I realized that I wasn't the only one with this kind of problem. My unit leader, the one I told you about, reminded me that people needed me. And the numbers of people giving me orders is down to… about zero. So hell yeah." Sam gave him a questioning look. "Are you thinking about getting out?"

"No." Steve replied as he rocked from one foot to the other before backtracked."I don't know." He glanced sideways as he thought about all his conversations on the subject with Dan. "To be honest, I don't know what I would do with myself if I did."

"Ultimate fighting?" Sam promptly suggested with a laugh before shrugging his shoulders. Steve laughed before looking sideways as Sam pointed at him. "Seriously, you could do whatever you want to do."

For a moment, Steve thought back to the way Dan had suggested he take the drawing again. She had been really appreciative and he seemed almost attracted to the idea. But it was not really him anymore.

"What makes you happy?" Sam asked suddenly seriously.

Steve looked down at his shoes at the mere thought. His brain seemed to immediately propel Dan's image behind his eyes. It gave him a small smile.

However, he definitely did not expect to hear Dan's voice accompanied by this picture.

"Soldier, commander on the bridge." He, like Sam, found himself straightening up in a military posture just as a familiar laughter for the two men called out to them. "Oh my-Sam, it never gets old. That's pricele-Steve?"

I paused with wide eyes at the sight of my neighbor standing right in front of one of my close friends.

_It was definitely not what I expected when I came here._

Speaking of Sam, he gave an uncertain look between the blond and me before waving his finger between us."You know each other?"

I supported Steve's glowing blue eyes clearly still in shock at seeing him again after the last days of separation. I was definitely not ready for the feeling of my frantic heart racing at the mere sight of the super soldier.

My brain immediately gave me the logical excuse that it was the nerves to be calling on my lies but my heart was thinking otherwise.

Nevertheless, I decided to focus more on logical reason as I nodded to Sam.

"We're neighbors." I explained, trying to ignore Steve's intense gaze on my profile. "Friends, actually."

Sam raised a teasing eyebrow as he glanced between me and Steve. "You have friends ?You?"

"Hilarious." I said, rolling my eyes before putting my eyes back on Steve with a nervous little smile, "How are you doing?"

To my greatest relief, Steve replied with the same smile. " I'm fine." He pointed to Sam and me in turn in confusion. "So ... you know each other."

"Hell yeah. Remember the Head of Unit I told you about?" Sam immediately exclaimed making me chew the inside of my cheek in nervousness at the thought of my past and Steve clashing. "Well, it was Dan."

"Wow, it's ... the world is small." Steve puffed visibly disturb for some reason.

He had that look in his eyes as if he was connecting all the points, letting me ask what Sam had told him about me. At this thought, a new charge of worry ran through my veins.

_He could not have told him about my latest actions, right?_

I bit harder on my cheek at the mere thought before leaving a small grimace as I could suddenly feel the blood on my tongue. I released the skin immediately bringing my hand on my cheek to massage the sensitive part before I realize the annoying silence between us. I looked up at the duo just to see them gauging me expectantly. I took a deep breath before adjusting my helmet in my hand. A gesture that caught Steve's attention as he frowned. I did not know his reaction as I turned my attention back to Sam. _After all, I came here to talk to him._

Unfortunately with Steve's presence, I was going to have to postpone the interview."There is ... something I wanted to talk to you about."

I glanced hesitantly at Steve during my request before returning my eyes to Sam with a sharp look. I hoped that was enough to get him the message that I wanted to talk to him privately.

The latter gave me a slightly worried look before nodding his head, giving a glance between Steve and me. "Okay? Everything is okay?"

"Yeah ... just want to make up for some lost time." I mutter, avoiding the blond's attentive glance at our side.

_If there was anyone who could easily see through my mask it was him._

Sam gave a small smile to my visibly deceived answer before nodding in amusement. "Okay, I'll make sure I have enough beer then."

"Only if it's not that piss of the last time." I joked with him, hoping to ease the tension in my limbs.

Sam rolled his good-natured eyes before turning his attention back to Steve. "If you ever want to come to another meeting, we'd be happy to have you."

Steve took his hand offered to shake it firmly, letting me see a certain friendship between the two. Obviously, I had missed a lot of things in the life of the super soldier and I was not sure how to feel about it. I knew that I had extenuating circumstances but I was not sure I appreciated that. Knowing his connection with Sam would have been greatly appreciated before making a complete idiot of myself. Better yet, it could have saved me from having to run in Steve.

I still did not know how to handle things with him when I planned to leave the city to escape his super spy organization.

"Thank you, Sam." He said thankfully before turning to me.

Sam put his hand on my shoulder to get my attention before giving Steve a secret glance."I will see you later?"

"Sure." I said in acceptance before looking at his fleeing back as he hastened to leave us alone.

I rolled my eyes to his all but subtle act before turning my attention back to Steve's intervention."It's been a while."

"Yeah ... I thought you were avoiding me." I admitted, crossing my arms over my chest.

Steve let out a sheepish grin before shrugging his shoulders. "You seemed busy."

_Okay, so I was not the only one lying._

"Yeah, the work was ... pretty crazy." I explained in hesitation before signing him with my head."I didn't know you were coming to this kind of meeting. "

It was strange. I felt like I was back in our first days of friendship. As if we were still testing the waters between us.

_I hated that._

"You know what? It doesn't matter. Well, I mean, it's cool." I rectified quickly in a clumsy rant."I mean, it's ... whoa, I didn't think I could do anything more than bitching."

Steve winced at my choice of words before letting out a laugh."It's okay, Dan. I think I understood what you meant."

I left a clearly relieved smile before showing my helmet as a proposal. "How did you come?"

"I walk."

"Well, it looks like I'm going to be your driver." I suggested before turning on my heels to prevent him from refusing.

I could hear his footsteps as he tried to catch me."I don't remember hearing you say you had a motorcycle."

"Oh it's ... a recent acquisition." I answered in uncertainty before forcing a smile on my lips."I have a helmet after all. As much use it."

I could see a broad smile on his face as he looked away at my allusion.

Steve did not really know how long he could hold his feelings. She was right by him and he could not help but steal glances at her profile. He could not really deny the pressure around his heart to each of her smiles. He wanted to tell her how he felt about her. He wanted to be able to make her smile and be able to act on his desire to hold her hand.

Coming out of the Veterans Center, Steve realized that he just could not avoid his feelings any longer. Especially when he watched Dan settle on a sports motorcycle more modern than his. The model was new with a completely black glossy bodywork.

He watched as she pulled on the helmet that he had offered her with a small smirk before taking a sharp breath as she turned to him expectantly.

"Are you planning on get in, old man?" Steve complied without a word as he took the majority of the remaining of the seal before putting his hands on his thighs."Seriously, Steve?"

He did not need to see her to know that she rolled her eyes at his shy act before surprising him again as she took his hands to lay them on her hips. He felt his cheeks blush at her gesture forward. He tried to keep his touch as light as possible, but it was really difficult for him.

As she navigated the bike through DC traffic, Steve had to admit she was a good driver. She kept a control of the change of gear and took the turns in a skillful way. Despite his desire to strengthen his contact around her waist, Steve tried to keep his light touch. He could not go beyond his limits simply because he had feelings for her. He was still not sure of his plan of action. It had been awhile since he had not admitted his feelings to a girl. It used to be pre-serum to be honest and he did not really have the reaction he was hoping for at the time.

But he sincerely hoped that Dan was the one who would finally accept him as he was. It doesn't matter if he had been experimented or not. It doesn't matter if he was Captain America or Steve Rogers. He hoped Dan could be his second chance. The one who would be at his side when he loses the last reminder of his past life.

Hence the reason he could not rush things. He had been brought up with the idea that he had to respect and treat the girl with dignity. If they had been in the 30s, Steve would have courted her before asking her father for her hand. Now he obviously couldn't do all that. Not only because it was no longer relevant but also because of her situation. But that would not stop him from preparing the perfect moment for that. He did not know if he'd hold on until then as he could feel a surge of excitement just to tell her about his feelings.

Nevertheless, he was going to do things correctly.


	32. Liar Liar

_"Pain makes us make bad decisions. Fear of pain is almost as big a motivator." Dr. House._

* * *

I shut off the engine by pulling the crutch with my feet before tilting the bike to the side of the sidewalk. I felt a sudden want as Steve removed his hands from my hips before going down.

Nevertheless, I strove to ignore it, clearly relieved for the helmet hiding my reddened cheeks.

I went down, reaching for the strap before freezing as Steve got ahead of me. "Let me help you."

I suddenly held my breath for some reason as I felt his long fingers graze my neck in the process of detaching my helmet. I swallowed as he removed it before remembering to breathe as I crossed his bluish orbs. Steve gave me a shy little smile as he flattens some of my hair loaded with electrics before handing my helmet to me in embarrassment. I took the latter with a small nod of thanks before joining his side to go up the steps of the hall.

We were in a relatively comfortable silence despite the drumming of my heart against my ribcage. For some reason, I could barely control my heart in his presence. I assumed it had something to do with what I planned to do later. After all, I planned to join Sam to put my escape plan into action.

Maybe it was my last moments with Steve. And for some reason, I just could not help but rethink my choices. I might not have to flee. Maybe I could tell him the truth and do a damage control later.

_Certainly he could not hate me so much if I surrendered myself. Fault admitted half forgiven, right?  
_

My train of thought was soon interrupted as I realized too late that we were already on our floor. I stopped in front of my door full of uncertainty before composing my sad expression in neutrality as I was facing the blond.

Conversely, Steve seemed about to run away if I believe of the drumming nervous of his fingers against his hip.

"Are you all right, Steve?" I asked, sincerely concerned for his well-being.

_If it had to do with the Shield then-_

"Yeah, yeah, it's just ..." I looked at him with an arched eyebrow as he let out a nervous breath. "Dan, would you ... would you like to go to dinner?"

"Oh, tonight it's not going to be possible. I have to see Sam as you know." I was clearly relieved that he just wanted to have dinner as before. I answered without really thinking. "But maybe another night. I would order a pizza and-"

Steve seemed to choke on his own breath at my suggestion before immediately shaking his head. "No, no, no ... it's not ... not like that, Dan." I frowned as he rubbed his neck. "I meant like ... going to dinner in a restaurant. Like… like a date…"

I paused, speechless in the realization.

I gauged the blond in front of me with a mixture of emotion on my face before taking in his own expression. He seemed nervous like hell and I could already hear the alarm sirens in my head. As if by chance, my brain chose this moment to remind me of the first time that Ben had asked me out. A feeling of guilt ensued almost immediately as I thought of accepting Steve's request.

However, my logical part reminded me that it was probably the last time I saw Steve. I just couldn't leave him by rejecting him. At least that was what my brain tried to use as an excuse to explain my decision.

"A dinner. Sure. I would like that, big guy." I agreed with a small smile before feeling that guilt weight again as I could see the blond's smile grow exponentially.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on the perspective, Kate chooses this moment to make her exit. She seemed totally ignorant of our presence as she spoke on the phone with her trusty laundry basket stuck under her arm.

Finally, she turned to us with a raised eyebrow at our proximity. "I got to go through ... okay ... bye." She hung up with a friendly smile at Steve before turning to me. "I thought you were going to see Sam."

"I'll go." I said, shaking my head while ignoring the sting along my chest. "I needed to go home before. I'm leaving just after."

"Well, I just finished a rotation in the infectious decease ward so ..." She tapped her fingers against the basket before giving an amused look at Steve. "Good evening, both of you."

Steve gave her a small smile, nodding his head as Kate turned on her heel to get into the laundry room before stopping in the recall."And I think you left your stereo on. "

I immediately turned to Steve with a teasing smile on my lips as I could feel a joke about his age and forgetfulness on the tip of my lips.

However, I was not slow to raise an eyebrow at the sight of his expression slightly alarmed. He was good at hiding his emotion to Kate but I could see right through his mask.

Kate slipped away, letting me turn to Steve definitely more alert now. "Something's wrong?"

Steve seemed about to answer before quickly composing his expression in a soothing smile."No, I just had to forget to turn it off."

"Whoa, it's a step closer to your old age you know." I recalled, despite the current worry in my veins.

Steve left a scoff rolling his eyes to my jab before giving me a nervous smile, "See you later?"

"I hope so." I flirted in spite of myself as I reached for the handle completely unconscious of the blush infiltrating his cheeks."Later, Stevie."

Unfortunately, the reality of the situation was not long in catching me much faster than I hoped.

To tell the truth, I had barely closed the door behind me that I could feel this urgent desire to scream. And it was not an excited cry.

_What had just happened? I had not dreamed. It couldn't be possible. Why would I dream about Steve? Right, maybe I was a little too much in denial._

I shook my head in thinking as I walked down the hallway, taking off my jacket. I tried to put words on what I felt at the moment but it turned out that it was easier to say than to do. I was fully aware of the guilt infiltrating my veins. Guilt for what I was about to do to the super soldier and guilt for even thinking about accepting that date when Ben was still in my mind.

That was not how it was supposed to be.

_Why did Steve self-proclaim the mission to make everything complicated in my life?_

Meanwhile, Steve faced a whole other internal dilemma. He was sure he had not left his radio on before leaving his apartment. And even though he was still under the excitement and adrenaline of asking Dan for a date, he could not help but return to a soldier mode. He moved to the window at the end of the hall knowing he could reach the fire escape in case of an attack. It was the best access to the roof. Dan's words not his.

He shook his thoughts turning around his neighbor as he picked up his shield in the hallway before turning the corner just to find Fury basking in the dark in one of his armchairs.

Clearly alerted by Nick Fury's view in his living room and slightly irritated, Steve raised his eyebrows, lowering his shield slightly. "I don't remember giving you a key."

"You really think I'd need one?" Fury asked back as he straightened up a little more straight."My wife kicked me out."

"I didn't know you were married."

"A lot of things you don't know about me." Fury replied, nonchalant.

Steve scoff at the euphemism before giving him a look as he gets ready to turn on the lights."I know, Nick. That's the problem."

However, he was definitely not expecting to see Fury's bloody, battered face as his hand squeezed his right side. He was about to ask what had happened to him only Fury stopped him quickly with his hand raised. He turned off the light before taking out his phone to write a message before showing him his screen.

_Ears everywhere._

Almost instantly, Steve straightened up as he scanned his apartment quickly on the war foot. He wrinkled his lips in bitterness as he realized that his apartment was probably filled with bugs. Some of his thoughts reverted to all the times he had confided in Dan in his living room.

"I'm sorry to have to do this, but I had no place else to crash."Fury turned the phone around to tap his screen again.

_Shield compromised. Ask your pretty neighbor. _

This time his heart fell into his stomach at the mention of Dan. He raised his eyes wide on Fury in a conflict of feeling. Did he imply that Dan was ... no, she could not be a Shield agent? So, what does that mean?

"Who else know about your wife?" He asked as Fury stood up with another message.

_Just you, Miss. Dimarco and me._

"Just ... my friends." Fury answered aloud for the bugs.

Steve could feel a deep stab of treason along his veins as he turned his eyes to Fury. "Is that what we are?"

"That's up to you." Fury replied as he held his gaze.

* * *

I could not really believe that I was really going to do that. I was really going to stand up Steve. I was probably the worst human being possible. Or just a very bad example of a woman. I could already say that Steve was the perfect boyfriend material and anyone would jump at the chance. After all, he would remain Captain America.

Unfortunately, the situation was much more complicated.

I took a look at the travel bag now occupying my right hand before crossing the living room. I retrieved my keys with the note I had written for Kate before heading to the hallway of the entrance. I put the note on the small table of the entrance before making my way outside the apartment.

I made sure to lock the apartment before taking a break with my eyes on Steve's apartment. I swallowed as I could feel a ball of emotion rising up my throat.

However, this was soon replaced by anxiety and panic at the agreement of a powerful blast coming from within.

"Steve." I breathed with wide eyes before dropping my bag on the floor.

I immediately went into investigation mode as I retrieved my gun simply to make a pause immediately at the sight of Kate running up the stairs. Only she seemed barely conscious of my presence as she passed me with her own gun in her hands before literally dipping the door of Steve's apartment.

"What the-"

I did not waste time to follow the blonde inside the apartment with my own weapon up in front of me.

"Captain Rogers?" I heard Kate's strangely cold voice as I crossed the hallway before taking a break from the blonde's revelation."Captain, I'm Agent Thirteen of Shield Special Service."

I tightened my hold on my gun in the realization as I walked into the living room of the super soldat simply to forget the last minutes in front of me. There, Steve was leaning over Nick Fury's bullet-throwing body.

"Fury!" I exclaimed as I lowered my gun to join the man next to the super soldier.

I lowered my weapon with my hand raised over the man with the eye patch before lifting my eyes in spite of me on Steve to the sensation of his dancing look between the blonde and me."Dan? Kate? "

I could already imagine the workings in his head as he was trying to come to terms with what he had just learned.

To be honest, I would have been just as confused as him in any other situation. But the sight of Fury had the gift of keeping me out of my train of thought.

"It's not what you think." I defended myself before I glanced at the blonde with sarcasm."Well, for her, that's exactly what it looks like."

"I'm assigned to protect you." Kate said as I rolling my eyes as I tested Fury's pulse on alert.

"On whose order?" Steve bit.

I was far too worried about the fate of the man on the floor to really keep track of their conversation. I did not know Kate as she fell by my side to replicate the same thing on Fury before taking out a walkie-talkie of her nurse uniform."Foxtrot is down, he's unresponsive. I need an EMTs."

"_Do we have a twenty on the shooter?"_

At the question, I noticed Steve's behavior taking a turn at one hundred and eighty degrees. He straightened up to look in his kitchen and then in his room in search of a threat before stopping in front of the window.

For some reason, I already had my idea about the identity of the shooter.

I got up in my turn recovering my gun clearly worried for the blond. My appearance close to the window seemed to attract the unwanted attention of a certain shooter. I did not even have time to do anything that a gunshot sounded. Everything happened within a second when it seemed like minutes to me. For a moment I was standing in front of the window and the second after Steve had turned to me with wide eyes at the agreement of the detonation. I did not even have the time to say anything that the blond jumped on me before throwing me to the ground.

The impact of his body against mine gave me a cry of pain in spite of myself.

However, Steve did not give me time to fully regain my senses as he leaped to his feet with a deadly glare on the shooter.

"Tell'em I'm in pursuit." He said seriously without even recognizing me before leaving me speechless as he took off before heading for the window.

I held a grunt as I could feel all my muscles screaming in protest before hastening to straighten up at the sight of the blond.

"STEVE!" I cried as I rushed in pursuit just to hold me on the windowsill as he rushed through it.

I was leaning on the edge still gasping as I watched Steve land on the roof opposite. He threw his shield at the man trying to escape.

However, the shooter turned just in time to catch the shield with his bare hands. The sight of metal was enough to confirm my suspicions. I barely had time to do anything that the Winter Soldier revived the shield like a simple Frisbee in the direction of Steve. The throwing force was so strong that, when Steve caught him, he slid several meters down the roof.

I was literally speechless as the shooter took the opportunity to slip away leaving Steve to lean on the roof to try to catch a glimpse. I shook my head as I could feel the adrenaline pulsating at full speed in my veins before returning my eyes to the duo behind me. Fury was cold on the floor while Kate or whatever her real name was trying to stop the bleeding.

I rushed to her side, putting my gun back in the waistband of my jeans to try to help her.

"He's losing too much blood." I exclaimed as I tore a piece of my T-shirt to form a compression point on one of the gunshot wounds. "We will lose him."

Kate looked up from the body with a guilty expression. "Dan, I-"

"Save it. I don't want to hear more lies." I muttered in a harsh whisper.

However, the blonde seemed a different opinion as she hastened to turn the tables." You can talk."

"Kiss my ass !" I groaned in a grunt before making another break at the sizzling agreement of her walkie-talkie.

_The Shield was almost there._

My gaze immediately turned to Fury in realization before feeling my heart racing in a frenzy. I could not stay here. If the second Winter Soldier attack was not enough to alert me then it was that I was completely stupid.

Giving one last worried look at the unconscious man, I jumped to my feet again, ignoring the pain along my back.

"What are you doing ?" Kate asked as she looked up at me in confusion.

I just shook my head as an answer before giving another hesitant look at Fury. I wrinkled my lips, swallowing, before pouncing on my feet. I rushed through Steve's hallway before catching my bag still lying on the floor. I put one of the straps on my shoulder on the path of the stairs before running down the stairs.

In a matter of minutes, I was riding Khallahan's motorcycle by quickly donning my helmet before making a sudden halt in my movements at the sight of a black SUV parked on the side. I put the ignition with my eyes still on the SUV before shaking my head as I accelerated away from the scene.

It was time to put this withdrawal plan into action.


	33. Irish whiskey in the hand

_"It's not the future you are afraid of. It's the fear of the past repeating itself that hunts you." T.W.W_

* * *

_My options seemed to be shrinking over the hours._

My first idea was to continue with the original plan. Only reality was quick to catch me. I had hardly reached the pavement opposite Sam's home that the image of Fury lying in a pool of blood had resurfaced behind my eyes. I could not afford to put Sam in danger. I would never forgive myself if something happened to him because of me.

Robbie was obviously unthinkable for a long list of reasons and Jay ... well, Jay was right from the start.

_This affair was too much for us._

Unfortunately, I would have liked him to be there to tell me _'I told you so'_ with this damn arrogant smile. Especially about Kate. If that was her real name. I still could not believe I had lived under the same roof as a Shield spy all this time. Everything had been planning since the early freaking time. All the things she told me and the famous days at the hospital.

_God, I had let her sew me up._

_Okay, maybe I was moving away from the subject. But the fact is, she had lied to me. She had lied to us._

I could still see Steve's expression when he learned the truth.

_Another person who turned out to be true? Freaking Natasha Romanoff._

Steve trusted me and I destroyed everything because I simply could not stay in my line.

I let a frustrated grunt pass my lips as I slowed down to a stop in front of the hospital's emergency doors. I did not really know why I'd finished here, but when I went down to the double doors, I was sure I was acting on instinct at this point. I stuck my helmet in the joint of my elbow as I entered an elevator.

Operating room were listed in directories for interns. They indicated the current transaction as well as by whom. It was enough for me to put on a white lab coat to get this information.

Now I was going down to the emergency room where Nick Fury was now. And probably Steve at the same time.

At the sudden thought of the super soldier, I realized how my presence in this hospital was a bad idea. It was the equivalent of a death wish. Because if Steve was there then there was a good chance the Shield agents were there too.

I narrowed my lips as I put my eyes on the numbers of floors scrolling on the dial. Before I could fully think about my actions, I pressed the Stop button of the panel. I could feel the adrenaline associated with my anxiety traveling along my veins as I was pressing on a completely different floor before restarting the elevator.

Well soon enough, I was making my way outside the hospital again with a quick step. I honestly felt like a caged lion that had just been captured. I was jumpy, easily irritable and above all damn pissed.

With all that had happened in Steve's apartment, I had totally forgotten about the fact that the Winter Soldier had again targeted me.

Unfortunately, my brain chose that same moment to remind it to me.

So, I nervously scanned the car park in anticipation before quickly stepping over Khallahan's bike. I stabilized the latter with my two feet on the ground before putting the contact in the eagerness. I slipped on my helmet giving a last look at the hospital in a silent prayer for Fury before hastening to leave this place breathing death.

Since my options seemed now more than limited, I had ended up in an unlikely place.

_Cemetery._

For some reason this was the only place my brain had judged safe. Hence the reason why I found myself leaning against Ben's grave with a bottle of Irish Whiskey in my hand.

_It was Ben's favorite brand._

I took a look at his name inscribed in the stone before taking a good swig of alcohol with a grimace. "Argh …" I wiped my lips with the back of my hand. "I have always hated this amber taste."

I rested my head against the cold stone with a slight snort.

For a place surrounded by death, I was strangely calm. Perhaps it had something to do with having a target on the back that allowed me to become familiar with my future place of residence.

If even Fury had not managed to escape the Winter Soldier then I doubted my success.

"You see what you've done?" I asked bitterly as I set my sights on his tombstone."I'm now pursued by Hydra and a fucking lobotomized super soldier."

I left a bitter snort as the gravity of my words seemed finally penetrated into my bones.

_I was so dead !_

Frustration, anger and anxiety were three strong emotions swirling in my head right now. But I was not slow to leave all that aside as Steve's image of disappointment resurfaced behind my eyes. I had been prepared for his reaction. To tell the truth, I had started to put together a lot of scenarios to imagine his reaction, but the sight of disappointment and sadness in his eyes was far worse than anything I had imagined.

I did not really know what he knew now, but I assumed that Fury had not finished in his apartment for a simple courtesy visit. The highest probability was that he had revealed everything to him. Including my implication.

I took another sip at the mere thought, grimacing as I could feel the liquid burning my trachea. I let out a new grunt as I lowered the bottle to my side before leaning the neck to the ground. I watched the earth from Ben's grave soak in the amber liquid before resting the bottle at my side. I then slid my hand into the pocket of my leather jacket to retrieve my phone. I unlocked it by sliding two fingers along the screen before bending my leg to rest my arm on my knee.

I was browsing my contact list before I stopped on Jay's ID. I let my finger hover over the screen as I thought to call him before suddenly freezing. The sight of an incoming call from Steve almost instantly accelerated my heartbeat. I watched the screen flicker with his name with eyes wide in uncertainty. I weighed the pros and cons to take this call before straightening up as Steve chose for me. The screen became black again letting me fall against the stone in defeat. I waved my phone in a sigh of defeat before turning my head to the side. I let my eyes go through Khallahan's bike body as I thought about my next action plan.

* * *

Steve, on the other hand, did not really know where he was.

_Fury was dead. _

_And nothing made sense to him anymore._

There was still some time, he was certain of his feelings but now he felt betrayed, disappointed, and deceived.

On top of that, he did not really understand what Fury meant by the fact that Shield had been compromised. But he knew someone who could answer him. In fact, this same person could soothe all his thoughts swirling like a cataclysm in his head. And unfortunately, this same person was currently unreachable.

A part of him still worried about her well-being was worried about her disappearance.

However, he had a much bigger problem right now. Like this USB that Fury had entrusted to him. He glanced at it again before quickly scanning the hospital corridor. The Strike team had already left and he knew he would have to go to the Triskelion to make his debrief.  
He was not particularly eager to set foot in the organization. Not until he had all the cards in his hand.

However, the lack of anyone to answer his questions posed a major problem.

_He needed to find Danae._

* * *

At one point, I had to fall asleep because the next time I opened my eyes, I could see a distinct change in the air. Not only did the sky look much darker but the tension in my shoulders was back. And I was not slow to understand why.

I rubbed the sleep of my eyes as I slowly took in my surroundings before settling on the agreement of a rustle of leaves. I blinked my eyes a few times as I could feel a slight headache in the back of my mind before feeling the adrenaline rush. My heart quickened in the confines of my chest as I looked around the gravestones in mistrust and anxiety.

I silently dropped the whiskey bottle still in my hand as I used my other hand to help me straighten up with Ben's gravestone. All the while, I kept my eyes alert to my surroundings.

I was sure I heard a noise and it was not the effect of finding myself in a cemetery. I immediately took a look at my bike while I wet my lips as I thought about the distance to go. It was only a matter of ten steps but it could happen so much thing in the meantime.

I cast a new look at my right as a new crunch sounded before widening my eyes at the agreement of a familiar detonation.

Reacting on the moment, I walked around the tombstone of Ben before taking cover behind the latter, squatting. Even before I could fully understand the implication of this detonation, a gunshot was heard soon followed by the crack of the stone as the bullet lodged itself directly into Ben's stone.

Part of my heart broke in realization and I could feel the anger, the panic and the anguish appearing along my veins.

I ventured to straighten myself a little to try to identify the sniper's location before quickly widening my eyes at the sight of a whole group of men coming out of the woods surrounding the cemetery. The Shield's uniform and their definitely distinct firepower under the street lights illuminating the aisles. And as if that was not enough, more blows fire let me reach my own gun in the belt of my pants before removing the security.

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I literally slammed on the ground to try to avoid the shots. A simple tear ran down my cheek as Ben's stone cushions more bullets.

I watched my bike again, trying to keep my screams and jolts to a minimum as a result of the gunshots.

_I needed to get out of here. And quick._

Soon enough, the agreement of a blocking charger sounds, leaving me the perfect opportunity to get out of my hiding place. I did not even think as I kept my grip on my gun taking a deep breath before I started in a frantic race. I let out a cry in spite of myself as the gunshots started again, letting me bring my hands over my head in a reflex. I started shooting over my shoulder to offer myself a cover before throwing myself on my motorcycle.

I hung the latter down on the chassis to avoid the balls before putting the ignition. I put on the helmet resting on the handlebar before glancing over my shoulder as I grabbed the handles. I was quick to spot the face of one of my assailants as he positioned himself under one of the street lights shouting orders to his team under the sound of gunfire. I pressed the throttle a lot of times as I could hear the bullets along the gravestones around me before I got the hell out of here. I almost fall as the bike slid under my acceleration before quickly regaining control as I increased my speed.

I was skillfully navigating between the aisles as I could hear the balls becoming more than just a background sound. I was slowing down only when I was in the familiar DC streets before releasing the accelerator as I could suddenly feel the adrenaline giving way to the fatigue was soon to give way to the pain as I could suddenly become aware of a liquid infiltrating my jeans.

I kept my grip on the handlebar as I glanced over my thigh before quickly turning my attention to the road ahead. I made sure to keep a grip on the handlebars of the bike to avoid crashing before holding it with one hand as the other tested the pain of my thigh. I whistled in spite of myself as I could feel the liquid under my fingers before taking the handlebar in panic.

I tried to ignore the pain as I strove to regain my senses.

I was now pursued by Shield or Hydra. I did not really know at this point but one thing I was sure of was that I could not go back to the hospital. The airport seemed the last safe place. Not to mention that I had to take care of this injury. I was pretty sure it was just a scratch but I could not really go on like this.

I needed a withdrawal point where I could form a new plan.

The office also seemed a bad idea despite the fact that it contained all the tools that could help me.

_No, I was not stupid enough to let myself be panicked. I may have been hunted but I was not going to crack so easily._

With that thought, I took a sharp left turn before turning back to a place that probably had a kit of first aid. After breaking into the health center, I immediately went to the medical supply storage room. Not surprisingly, I did not really have a problem finding the equipment needed to clean a gunshot wound.

As I had previously thought, it was a simple scratch but a pretty dirty scratch. I had cleaned the blood, revealing a simple, clean horizontal cut in the middle of my thigh. It was a flesh injury but it was definitely going to leave a scar. At this rate, I could not show myself in a swimsuit on the beach.

_That is, if I survived this chaotic situation._

Not wanting to endanger Alma or even Peggy more than I needed, I was eager to wrap a bandage down my thigh before making a new change of clothes in my bag. I had opted for a simple biker-style leather jean with a loose-fitting V-neck T-shirt of the same color before putting on my leather jacket. I had striven to thoroughly clean after me in the hope of leaving as little trace as possible of my passage before recovering my belongings.

I did not know the pain radiating inside my thigh at each step as I was walking outside before taking a break as I noticed that the sky had become considerably lighter in an orange hoot with the lifting of the Sun.

I had been so taken by the hectic events of the night that I had not even taken the time to take a moment to breathe. And as I put my bag on the seat of my bike, I could feel my muscles gather in the fight. The fatigue and painkiller pills I had swallowed earlier seemed finally to be working.

I closed my eyes and narrowed my lips as I fully realized the content of the situation I was in. I could feel a lump forming along my throat as I thought back to what had happened in the graveyard and especially to the fate of Ben's gravestone. I slipped slightly into a fight against the tears threatening to assail me before leaving a deep sigh in exhaustion.

Fury was probably dead by now and I had absolutely no way to leave the country. The Shield was on my heels and Steve was not really an option anymore. Maria Hill seemed just as inaccessible and I did not even mention Khallahan.

_No, I was going to have to fend for myself to survive._

At that thought, I took my weapon out of my trouser belt to check my ammunitions. Unsurprisingly, the magazine was half empty.

I was definitely going to need better firepower if I was going to survive and I knew exactly where I was going to find that.

Unfortunately, I was going to have to go back to a place probably infested with Shield agent. I let a new sigh leave my lips as I climbed on my bike by removing the crutch before stabilizing the latter between my legs. I kept my feet on the ground as I put on my helmet after closing my jacket before turning on the ignition.

I gave one last look at the Care center with a deep sense of nostalgia before shaking my head as I headed for the exit of the parking lot.

_I honestly could not believe that my life could have taken a turn for the worse in the space of one night._

* * *

Unknown to Danae, a figure perched on the roof of the center watched her leave the parking lot. He had followed her from the cemetery.

_It was his mission to keep an eye on this woman._

At mere sight, he could feel an energy inside him screaming in protest. It was that confusing voice. The one that looked like his but was a weak one. He still remembered times when that voice was stronger than his masters. She thought she could defeat them and not give in to their torture. But to finish, he had won. He was superior. He was Their greatest asset. And now he had a mission to fulfill.

Unfortunately, that voice had held him back for the first time in a while. It was still obscure to him but she had reminded him of a meeting he had apparently had with the target. It was on a roof. He had shot her. This woman must have died. He never failed in his missions.

_She was a fighter.  
_

He could already see it in her position to stand and act. Hence the reason he decided to let this voice entertain him for a moment. They could never know it. They did not even know he had found her.

While he was in charge; this voice came back sometimes to test his control. But it had been a while since he had made her mute. It was Them who had made her mute. She was weak. And yet, she came back suddenly. For this woman? She was pathetic.

The plates of his arm ricocheted as he straightened himself with the intention of following her. She could drive him to his mark. He jumped off the roof before landing heavily with his metal fist against the ground to cushion his fall. He straightened up on his feet as he could still hear the roar of her engine in the distance.

The voice seemed to protest against his actions but he was still in charge. He honestly could not wait for the day when They would eventually eradicate that voice for good. She was a distraction, a weak link. She had never been tortured. She was crying and screaming for help. She had been silenced once in the Chamber. And then some words were enough to make her disappear.

But now that he could feel the slight twitch in his fingers, he knew that she was fighting again. For some reason, this woman had awakened his voice.

He rushed into a light run to pursue her as he remembered the image of the woman. She had definite features, and still had a soft, heart-shaped face, deep brown eyes holding unwavering determination, and her long curly brown hair had been grouped into a ponytail the time he had met her.

He could still remember the voice flicking back at the sight of this woman through the telescope of his assault rifle. She had made him hesitate. That was probably why she was still alive.

This pathetic little voice had suddenly felt a hope. A hope that he was eager to annihilate.

He was in control. He had no choice but to keep control or that fucking voice was going to make them suffer. If he didn't complete his mission, he would end up in the Chamber or in that chair again. He was the only one to worry about his well-being. The voice was stupid.

During the last seventy decades, he was the only one to ensure their survival, not the voice. If it were up to her, he would have tried to kill himself. The voice was tired of fighting. But after what happened on the roof - after this man tried to attack him, that voice had woken up again with determination. Damnit.

And now he had lost track of this woman. He could feel the voice recoil in a sense of victory, letting him realize his plan from the beginning.

Before he could fully resume his surprise at the voice, he felt a van park right next to him.

In a fluid movement, a stream of armed men surrounded him with their rifles pointing directly at his head.

One of the men, the one he had seen regularly in the last decade, pointed his gun at the van. He complied with their demands without a word already knowing what was waiting for him when they returned to the vault of the bank. He had not completed the mission. He was going to have to pay the price.

_All because of that damn voice._


	34. Burning some bridges

_"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. It comes from friends and loves ones." Unknow_

* * *

The situation seemed to be getting worse for Steve. After searching for a good part of the night Dan without any luck, he had to return to the Triskelion. There, he had had a brief glimpse of Kate or rather Agent 13 and she seemed strangely out of character for him. Still, it was probably who she really was.

But that didn't even cover the beginning of the iceberg he had been facing in the old place where he thought he was safe.

After his conversation with Secretary Pierce, he was sure something was wrong. Hence the reason why he was suspicious of the man in a suit. He had never really met him before the incident in his apartment. And what he said during their conversation seemed suspicious. Especially when he mentioned Danae. It was a big no-no for Steve. Nevertheless, he had tried to tell him what he wanted to hear. And he thought he had been convincing enough.

_Unfortunately, Dan was still right on this one. He really had to be bad at lying._

He had climbed into the elevator with his eyes turned to the panoramic view of the whole of DC when agents were riding after him. Actually, it was the members of Strike team. It was obvious to him that it was a trap. Rumlow had told him it was not personal, but the little jab about Dan was enough to prove otherwise. It seems that they were not only after him but after Dan too.

From what Rumlow had hinted, they had not found her yet, but the mere fact that they intended to go after Dan was enough to fulfill its role.

He had managed to get out of the situation by jumping off the elevator before finishing his fall through the glass roof of the main lobby. It was not his best idea, but it had served his purpose. He had managed to escape the compromised men of the Shield.

Flee had been the first step in his plan of action, but more urgent questions had come to resurface with the fall of adrenaline. He had little time and too many concerns to keep him in place. Not only did he have to find a plan of action but he also cared about Dan. Where was she? If she was somewhere safe? With the Shield's resources, it was only a matter of time before they got their hands on her.

Exchanging his uniform for a simple pair of sweatpants, a zip up hoodie, a white t-shirt and a pair of sneakers, Steve decided on a plan of action. He had first to recover the flash drive that Fury had entrusted to him in his apartment.

For security measures, Steve had hidden it in the vending machine of the hospital. He was pretty sure of himself for this hiding he had to find Dan no matter what it cost him. He still had outstanding questions. And he was pretty sure she could answer every one of them.

Unfortunately, he was definitely not expecting to find that his assumption was wrong once in the hospital. As he was standing in front of the vending machine, he realized with a deep frown that the flash drive was gone.

However, a smack sounded in his ear and soon forced him to look up just to see the reflection of Natasha in the glass of the machine. She made a bubble with her chewing gum, leaving Steve to check his jaw before grabbing her arm.

He pushed her into an empty room by snapping off his hood and locking her against the wall forcefully."Where is it? "

"Safe." Answered the redhead at once.

"Do better."

"Where did you get it?"

"Why would I tell you?"

Natasha seemed to realize something as she straightened her chin with frowning brow. "Fury gave it to you. Why?"

"What's on it?"

"I don't know."

Steve was seriously starting to get frustrated with the redhead's ways."Stop lying. "

"I only act like I know everything Roger's." Nat replies just as frustrated. "Ask your girlfriend, Danae."

Steve cocked his jaw at Dan's mention before narrowing his eyes at the redhead. "What do you know about Dan? Why the Shield's looking for her?"

"Because she worked with Fury." Answered Nat immediately. "I'm the one who approached her first. She wasn't particularly happy to see me."

The sound of an opening called out Steve letting him glance over his shoulder in suspicion before giving a glance at the redhead he kept against the wall."I bet you know Fury hired the Pirates, didn't you?"

"Well, makes sense." Nat nodded with an eyebrow raised in agreement before thinking about the logic of the former director of Shield."The ship was dirty. Fury needed a way in, so do you-"

Steve shook the redhead again at her sympathy attempt. "I'm not gonna ask you again."

"I know who killed Fury." Admitted finally Nat with gravity. Steve quickly pulled his hands away from the redhead in shock and worry."Most of the intelligence community doesn't believe he exists. The ones that do call him the Winter Soldier. He's credited with two decades of assassinations in the last 50 years. And now, he's probably after Danae."

"So he's a ghost story."

"Five years ago, I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran. Somebody shot out my tires near Odessa. We lost control and went straight over a cliff. I pulled us out but the Winter Soldier was there. I was covering my engineer so he shot him straight through me."Natasha reached for the end of her T-shirt before showing him her abdomen where a bullet scar was resting."Soviet slug. No rifling. Bye-bye bikinis."

Steve gave her a flat look at her comment. "Yeah, I bet you look terrible now."

"Going after him was a dead end. I know I've tried."Natasha pulled out the flash drive with a sharp look at the blond. "Like you said he's a ghost story."

He recovered the flash drive seriously before gauging her with determination. "Let's find out what the ghost want."

Natasha tilted her head as he took a step back, letting the redhead readjust her T-shirt giving him a knowing look."And Danae? What are you going to do about her? "

"Well, I guess you don't know where she is?" He replied sarcastically, leaving Natasha a little smirk.

"Trouble in paradise?" She asked, teasing before following him outside the room before walking beside him down the hall. She easily noticed his anxious look." She's intelligent. And stronger than you think. I know, most would back down to me but she stood up to me."

Steve pulled his hood over his head again to hide from the sight of everyone before thrusting his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, frustrated. "It's not really a comfort. Dan has no sense of self-preservation."

"She probably knows more than us about what's going on." Natasha said with a slight crease between her eyebrows. "After getting the info from this flash drive. We will have to find her."

"It was already the plan."

Natasha gave him a new smile in his robust tone before signing his outfit waving her index finger on him. "Not in these clothes, no."

* * *

Breaking into my own office may not have been the best idea of the century. It was probably one of the places Shield kept a guard posted waiting for my return. Only Natasha seemed to do it without any problem. Plus, I was in a desperate situation at this point.

I had nowhere to go and my only exit ticket was in one of the drawers in my office. It was just waiting to be recovered. That and the little armadas that was in the secret safe had decided on my next plan of action.

Hence the reason why I was carefully and silently climbing the fire escape at this moment. I kept both hands on my handgun as I regularly cast suspicious glances around me before finally stopping on the side of the window overlooking the hallway leading to my office. I stuck to the wall as I tightened my hold on my weapon before leaning slightly to scan the area. The way seemed deserted but that did not mean it was not a trap.

I narrowed my lips distrustfully before taking another look at the edge of the building. If I walked along the ledge, I could access the window directly inside my office.

_Only problem : my death imminent to the slightest missteps._

I restrained myself from swearing as I hit the back of my head against the brick wall before looking up at the clear sky. I took a deep breath as I still weighed my decision.

"Damnit!" I hissed as I put my weapon on a whim in my pants before I walked past the window.

I stepped over the rusty iron guardrail before standing just above the ground. I could feel the wind and the vacuum push me slightly making me swallow as I glanced down. I let out a small grunt at the sight of the seemingly deadly floor before shaking my head as I looked back at the little rim protruding from the wall.

I kept a hand on the rail as I climbed on the edge barely containing my feet before glued me to the wall in a hurry. I could feel my heart beating like crazy in my ears as I tried not to fall while walking along the ledge. I kept my hands sticking to the wall taking deep breaths with each new step.

I had almost no hold and the moment of turning was getting closer and closer. I could feel the tears flowing behind my eyes as the tremors were quick to assail me.

A sudden yelp escaped me as I almost slip. I stopped instantly while pushing my nails into the stone as best as I could. I took several breaths, giving a new look over my shoulder in the void before squealing.

_Remind me why I was doing this already?_

I swallowed as I looked back at the corner that was supposed to lead to my inner window before climbing back with a slow, shaky step.

After turning the corner, the window seemed definitely closer. Unfortunately, there was also a huge hole in the ledge. I definitely did not foresee this slight mishap. The only way to get to the other side was to jump and I was not really in the best of situations to do that sort of thing. I weighed the pros and cons to return to the other side only the gravity of the situation chosen this moment to resurface in my mind.

_I didn't really have a choice. I was already a target._

I jabbed my jaw in a deep sense of frustration and anxiety before closing my eyes as I helped myself from the wall to take my momentum.

With surprise and slight fascination, I soon felt the edge under my feet letting me react on instinct. I grasped the edge of my window with all my strength before thanking the heavens for leaving the lock open. I watched the inside of my office in anticipation before silently lifting the window, keeping my eyes on the closed door at the other end of the room.

I could already discern two silhouettes through the tinted window and I assumed there were many more waiting for me on each floor. I tried to be as discreet as possible as I climbed the edge before landing on the tip of my feet in my office. I kept my eyes on the door as I waited for a movement before releasing an inaudible sigh as they still seemed unaware of my presence.

Deciding not to dwell more than necessary, I immediately referred my eyes to my entire office.

_Not surprisingly, they had already raided my stuff._

I could feel the anger along my veins at the sight of the mess now littering the floor of my office. I shook my head in disgust and frustration before taking action. I wasted no time silently opening my drawer containing my ticket and my passport. I stuck these two in the pockets of my jeans before going behind my desk to get to the other side.

I took a second look at the guards at the door as a sign of caution before stopping in front of my shelf containing the majority of records of my clients. Most drawers were still open. The files formerly contained inside lay on the ground now. No matter what they had hoped to find in my office, they had to leave empty-handed. All our research had been transferred to a hard drive that Arlene had personally hid.

I kneeled on one knee as I aimed at the very last drawer before giving a new look at the door as I grabbed the drawer. I removed it completely before silently placing it on the floor. I grimaced at the agreement of the metal emitting a background sound before biting the inside of my cheek waiting.

Realizing that they had made no movement, I resumed my little investigation with caution.

Unsurprisingly, they seemed to have passed completely by my safe letting me emit a small smile of satisfaction.

I quickly composed the combo consisting of a mix of Ben's birthday and the date of our wedding before opening the door with relief at the sight of the black sports bag. I pulled it toward me before half opening the closing just to sigh at the sight of my little artillery. I zipped the closure again before grabbing the strap of the bag while standing up. I put the latter across my back before giving a new look at the window ajar. There was absolutely no way I could get my way back there.

_I had only one way out._

I immediately put my eyes on the closed door guarded by two large silhouettes before forming a plan in my head.

_If they were only two, I could take them. At least, I hoped. I did not really have a choice._

I took my stress ball on the way before I stuck to the wall next to the door. Quickly analyzing the objects at my disposal, I set my sights on my diploma hanging on the wall. I weighed the ball in my hand before swinging it with all my might towards the frame containing my license. I restrained myself from uttering a victory scream as I watched the frame come down from the wall before landing abruptly on the ground. The sound of the glass sounded almost immediately, letting me straighten up again with the grip of the handle turning.

Unsurprisingly, the first thing that came into my vision was a gun brandished alertly. It was exactly what I needed as I quickly grabbed the owner's wrist before twisting it toward me to disarm him. He dropped the gun under the weight of my attack, letting me grab the butt of my own weapon. I swung my foot into his ankle to force him to his knees before quickly sticking my barrel against his skull as his teammate soon followed him.

The detonation of a security notch called me out letting me withdraw mine as I supported the look of the man in front of me. The latter seemed in his thirties with a deep, dark look. He was athletic and seemed barely shaken by the situation before him.

I could see a slight twitch in his jaw as he let his eyes travel between his teammate on the floor and me. "Let go of your weapon!"

"I have nothing to lose. I'll stick a bullet in him before you can touch me." I remember as I pulled my fingers on the trigger ignoring the tremors of the man under my grip.

"You bluff! "

"Ward, don't be stupid!" Shouted the man on the ground in panic and frustration.

Ward or the agent in front of me barely gave a glance at the man as he narrowed his gaze at me at the sight of my finger hovering over the trigger. I raised an eyebrow in defiance before straightening up as he put the safety of his gun back on.

"Throw it to me." I ordered, shaking the guy in front of me."Now !"

I looked at him coldly as he leaned over to throw the weapon on the ground before pulling back with his hands raised in surrender."You will not be able to continue running away. They will find you."

"You want to bet?" I replied, acerbic.

I hastened to pick up his gun by removing the safety before kicking the man's back on the ground as a diversion. I quickly skirted the runway keeping a gun pointing at each of them as I walked back to the door.

Ward turned at the same time as my ascent to follow me with a look before holding my gaze coldly as I locked them in the office. I used my key before making sure to remove the magazine's bullets from their guns.

I immediately turned on my heels before accelerating the pace as I took the stairs at a running pace. I kept a grip on the strap of my gym bag containing my only survival insurance at this point before quickly stopping in the lobby of the building.

The sight of four Shield agents on the sidewalk had the gift of making me swear under my breath as I retreated my steps immediately to hide myself against the side of the elevator. I stuck to the wall pulling my gun out of my jeans belt before trying to catch my breath. I tried to ignore my heart pounding in my chest as I could suddenly hear their drumming step soon followed by a male voice shouting orders.

Well soon enough, I could hear their footsteps walking down the stairs letting me push myself out of the wall to watch the stairs before quickly making my way outside. I kept my gun hide in my jacket as I scanned the street quickly before making a sudden break as I suddenly caught the eye of a man close to the van Shield.

I felt my breath get stuck in my throat as the time seemed to slow down before accelerating in a moment.

One moment I was standing on the sidewalk and the second after, I was running as fast as possible to escape agents chasing me. I was using the slightest dams on my way to slow them down as I could feel a thin stream of sweat on my forehead as well as fatigue seeping down my body. I took a tight right turn in the hope of escaping them before almost failing like a truck suddenly barred my path.

I widened my eyes in panic before settling for a moment at the sight of Natasha.

"Get in!" The redhead exclaimed as she opened the back door letting me look over my shoulder at the approaching men before making my decision.

I jumped into the back of the truck before slamming the door as Steve pressed the accelerator. The agreement of the bullets ricocheting on the body made me lower myself in my seat to avoid taking a bullet. I allowed myself to relax when the bullets seemed to become a simple background noise.

However, it also allowed me to spot the big blond driving.

"Your office ? You're on the run and you come back to your freaking office?" Natasha asked in disbelief allowing me to forget Steve for a moment.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance as I removed my bag from my back before adjusting myself in my seat with a dark look on the redhead."The night was long, okay! I was shot more than I can count and needed a place to sit."

I let out a long sigh as I leaned against the back seat before I caught myself meeting Steve's icy blue gaze through the rearview mirror.

The latter seemed to dance between disappointment and sadness making me swallow in the realization.

Avoiding his disappointment look with a lump in my throat, I cast a new look on Natasha."How did you find me?"

"It was not really difficult." She replied, giving me a sharp look as I wrinkled my lips in frustration."I can't believe that Fury trusted you."

"Be careful, Nat. It looks like jealousy." I snapped, before turning my eyes away from Steve's heavy stare. "And he didn't really have a choice. I am the one who discovered that Shield was compromised."

It seemed to bring a heavy, tense silence to the whole car as I looked through the back window while Steve decided to speak for the first time."What does it mean ? What do you know about Shield?"

His tone was cold and detached again showing his mistrust letting me swallow as I could feel a slight sting along my chest. I moistened my lips keeping my eyes on the road before turning my attention to the inside rearview mirror to hold his gaze.

"Do you remember that case where I was shot?" I asked, ignoring his outraged gaze again as he realized the length of my lies."Jay came to me for help with a witness with information about the corruption of a government organization. The Shield. Zingler was one of their disciple."

Natasha frowned as she gave me another look over her shoulder."How long was it?"

"Three months." Steve answered in my place coldly.

I could see his grip on the steering wheel tightening, letting me swallow again before supporting Natasha's glance dancing between the super soldier and me. "It turns out the shooter was a weapon designed by the Shield. He has been modified and lobotomized to obey their order. They call him the-"

"Winter Soldier." Natasha finished for me, sharing a serious look with Steve before giving me a new look on alert. "What do you know about him? "

"Except that he tried to kill me twice already?" I said sarcastically, receiving dubious glances from the duo."Many things. But that's not what's important. Once I started getting into the Shield files, Fury finally found us."

"_Us_?" Steve asked with a deep frown before leaving a hard laugh."Wait ... that's why Detective Khallahan was at your house this time. You worked with him."

I tried to ignore his angry look through the rearview mirror as I looked back at Natasha to explain myself. "He had important resources. And I needed someone I could trust." I glanced in spite of myself at the blond in the realization before turning my eyes to Natasha."Anyway, Fury ended up sending you before meeting me in person. He asked me to find out more about the Shield. It was like that we learned that they were planning to kill him."

"Wait, wait, you know they were going to kill him?" Natasha snapped, answering my question about Fury's fate.

I swallowed in the realization before squinting my lips. "He knew it too. I met Agent Hill a few weeks ago. I passed her a USB key containing files on the Lemurian Star."

"You knew everything." Steve finally whispered in too much emotion.

"Steve-"

"No! What wasn't a lie with you?" He yelled out in anger."You've been lying to me so many times! You played a game all along! Hell, you've tried to set me up with Kate. You want me to ask her out!"

I jabbed my jaw ignoring our audience as I pointed sharply at him."Hey, I was as ignorant as you about Kate or whatever the hell is her real name! Fury had secrets stacked in secrets. He was a freaking Russian doll!"

"And you expect me to believe you now?" He replied dryly with disdain making me almost flinch in his tone of emotion except anger, disappointment and betrayal.

I tried to ignore his look as I could feel anger in my turn. "What was I supposed to do? It was your landmark! You trusted them-"

"I trusted you !" He yelled out, making me flinch in guilt. I bit my lower lip under his assault before turning my eyes to the window as I could feel Natasha silently gauging us.

I took a deep breath before sighing in a whisper. "I know. I'm sorry." I played distractedly with my hands as I could feel his hard look on me. "Clearly I wasn't thinking. But I just wanted to protect you but then Fury appeared and asked me not to tell you anything and I couldn't dig myself out."I was taking a breath, exhausted."I never meant to hurt you, Steve."

I let my head fall back against the back seat as I could feel my bottled emotions catching up to me. Spending a sleepless night watching over and over for a sniper was not healthy.

"What else did you lied about?" He asked seriously, voice even as I lifted my eyes to cross his bluish look through the internal rearview mirror."Was there anything real about all that you said to me?"

I gave him an exaggerated look this time before turning away my eyes as I realized there was something else that I deliberately hid from him."You remember what you asked me the other night? Before all this starts." God, it seemed like years now. "About dinner ..." Steve frowned as he looked at Natasha, who seemed to be gauging us with a new smirk in the realization. "Well ... I didn't really intend to come. I was going to take a plane in the night."

Steve paused in the realization before tightening his grip on the steering wheel as he could feel his heart cracked in his chest. He had spent all night being frustrated and angry at her that he almost forgot about their date. And now, it seems that she did not even intend to go there.

A heavy silence fell over our group, letting me avoid Steve's gaze again in shame and guilt before closing my eyelids as I could feel fatigue catching up with me.

No matter where we went from now on, I was not sure that my relationship with Steve could be fixed.


	35. Not strangers, not enemies, friends ?

_"People are more what they hide than what they show." Unknow_

* * *

"Where did Captain America learn to steal a car?" Natasha finally asked with a curious little smile to break the heavy silence that had been falling for an hour and a half on the whole car.

A glance over her shoulder at Danae suggested that the brunette had fallen asleep, but Natasha was almost sure that it was more of an excuse to avoid confronting the blond's eyes at her side after Dan last revelation.

After their close call in the mall with Rumlow and the Strike team, Steve had stolen one of the trucks from the parking lot so they could recover Dan. The flash drive Fury had given them suggested that the answers Dan couldn't provide were in New Jersey. A place where Steve hadn't set foot for more than seventy years.

"Nazi, Germany." He answered her question before catching himself glaring at the brunette in the back. He still remembered the time they had spent time in this spinning car of one of her clients. He leaned his chin in toward the feet of the redhead currently against the dashboard."And we're borrowing, get your feet off the dash. "

Nat gave him a slight smirk before dramatically removing her feet from the dashboard.

"Fucking Jersey?" Danae suddenly exclaimed from behind confirming Nat's suspicions while Steve found himself smiling slightly in spite of himself in agreement with her words."Is that your escape plan? It's Jersey god damnit. Nobody likes Jersey."

No matter how disappointed he was with Dan's behavior or even betrayed, he couldn't help but realize that she still had a deep impact on him. It was as if the last few months had built something in him that just made him unable to stay really mad at her. And in a sense, he could almost understand her train of thought.

First, she seemed to have really done it with good intentions at first. She had always had his best interests at heart. She knew him. In spite of all, Dan remained the one who knew him better than anyone and even though he had questioned her intentions earlier, he knew deep down that he knew her too.

_She wasn't one to indulge easily._

As for the date, he could not really ignore this deep feeling of rejection. It had taken days to find the courage to asking her out and it would seem that he had built his hopes for nothing. He did not even know if she had done this for her own benefit or just to please his. It was probably what kept him from forgiving her immediately. She had hurt his ego.

Even worse, she had lied to him about how she felt. Part of him was confident after the way she had accepted the date. She had been surprised at first but he had seen the change in her. He too knew her and she had chosen to remind him of her intention to sabotage their moment.

_Now that he was thinking about it in hindsight, he could not help realizing that she had done it intentionally._

At the thought, he could not really help but give her a look through the inside rearview mirror. The first thing he could say was that she was exhausted. The bags and the disheveled air were a clear indicator. But he could not help feeling that slight flutter in his chest again. He could not deny the truth. Dan had a deep impact on him.

After all these months, she had been the only one to call him about his hypocritical behavior, his faults and his way of thinking about his alter-ego. She reminded him that Steve Rogers was still there in the uniform and he shouldn't be forgotten. She had allowed him to flourish in this world that was not his and allowed him to live. She had changed everything from the moment she entered his life.

The way he was before his arrival in DC, even how he was in New York was definitely not the way to handle things and Dan had just changed everything. No matter how much he wanted to blame her for her lies, he could not forget what she had done for him. He was not indebted to her, but he couldn't do without what she had and what she was doing for him.

Strange as it may seem, she made him more human. More down to earth. He was learning something new about himself. He learned to manage his emotions and more importantly, he loved the person he was with her. Dan had even reconciled him with his pre-serum phase. She was obviously fond of this skinny little guy from Brooklyn and never ceased to amaze him when she showered him with compliment on this version of himself. She had no barriers and he liked being the one she trusted to indulge.

_Well maybe not completely given the situation._

But even more, she accepted him as he was and kept reminding him how important it was to be himself. She had reminded him that he was more than just a Captain. He was just a man with emotions he should not be ashamed of.

_He was both Captain and Steve and he was not to neglect either side._

"Alright, I have a question for you, Steve." Natasha's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. I immediately glanced between the blond and the redhead in curiosity. "Which you do not have to answer." Added the super-spy as she suddenly gave me a strange look over her shoulder with a small smirk. "I wouldn't want to make matters worse."

I left a disdainful snort in spite of myself as I crossed my arms over my chest before whispering under my breath as I turned my eyes to the boring and tasteless landscape of Jersey."That's exactly what someone would say if he wanted to make things worse."

I could already imagine the grin on the redhead's face as she turned her eyes to Steve, who seemed to be staring at me with a slight frown. "But I feel like, if you don't answer it though, you're kind of answering it, you know."

"Pushy much." I snorted with sarcasm under my breath.

Something told me that I probably wouldn't like the turn of this conversation. I did not really know why but I could feel it deep inside me. For some reason, Natasha's smile had the gift of irritating me almost every time.

I was more focused on the redhead than I didn't even realize Steve's uncertain look at me before he looked at Nat, impatient. "What?"

I could feel Natasha's gaze on me again as she took a moment in the observation before turning her eyes back to Steve with her trademark smirk."Was that your first kiss since 1945?"

"You kissed her?" I exclaimed in spite of myself, turning my head so quickly on the duet that I almost missed making a whiplash. Steve started to stammer, letting me shake my head in a feeling strangely irritated by the idea."Look like finding a person with a shared life experience was not that hard after all."

"Wow, jealous much, Danae?" Romanoff said immediately with a smile worthy of the joker.

I gritted my teeth as I rolled my eyes before narrowing my eyes on the window in a groan."Oh bite me, Romanoff."

"Dan, that's not what you thought it was." Steve argues with a shameful blush on his cheeks.

"I don't think anything, Cap." I replied, trying to keep my tone even as I shrugged acerb."After all, it's progress. You finally take my advice to the letter."

Even though he did not really have to explain himself, Steve felt his shoulders fall into defeat as he hastened to justify himself. "It was to distract Rumlow. He and the Strike team was after us." Steve gave Nat an uncertain look in the hope of getting help, but she seemed anything but ready to intervene. _On the contrary._ He frowned at her smirk. "Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable."

"Yeaaah ... I guess." I said sarcastically before again avoiding the blond's nervous and embarrassed look. I let a scoff escape me."And these are totally your words, not her."

I risked an annoyed look at the blond at my statement just to see him frown as he met my gaze through the rearview mirror.

"Well, you're the one who pushed me to practice." He countered, defensive and somewhat proud by my incredulous gaze. "Or it was another of your lies?"

I immediately left a scoff as I could suddenly feel my blood boiling under my skin.

_This little dipshi-_

I let out a deep sigh to stop me from saying something that I could regret before leaving a laugh without humor."You know what, Rogers? You're totally right. The practice is perfect. I hope you enjoy it."

"Well, I wouldn't say that." Intervened Natasha, trying to lighten the argument.

I paused as Steve gave a slightly humiliated look at the redhead before leaving a little scoffed avoiding my gaze through the rearview mirror as he tilted his head forward."That bad, uh?"

I shook my head, feeling a little satisfaction at his hurt ego before feeling almost immediately guilty. I frowned in conflict with my own emotions since I was still strangely angry at the blond before rolling my eyes.

"I didn't say that." Argued Natasha.

I brought my knees to my chest and leaned against the back seat before focusing my attention on the landscape through the back window. I could still hear their conversation, but I strove to act as selflessly as possible despite the raging emotions along my chest.

"Well, it's kind of sounds like that's what you're saying." He looked back at Dan through the rearview mirror just to see her completely turning away from him. He knew that this conversation was out of place, but her reaction had the gift of making him act like an arrogant idiot.

Nevertheless, a small, little part of him was relieved that he had not shared that kiss with Dan. He agreed with Natasha; it was a bad kiss. He couldn't really be offended by that. By the reaction of Dan on the other hand.

"No, I didn't." Natasha insisted with a hint of innocence in her tone before giving a new teasing look at the sulky brunette in the back. "I just wondered how much practiced you've had."

Steve rolled his eyes as she had just used the same arguments as Dan before objecting to disagree."You don't need practice."

"Everybody need practice." Nat insisted in a clear tone before throwing her eyes onto Dan with a plan in mind. "Am I right, Dan?"

"Totally." I answered in a hard tone before shrugging my shoulders and glancing at Steve, childish."Me for example, I had a lot of practice. So much. With several men. So, fucking much."

"It was not my first kiss since 1945." Steve gave me an irritated look through the rearview mirror making me look at him just as annoyed as he set his sights on Natasha."I'm ninety-five, I'm not dead."

I left an incredulous scoff while Natasha let another amused smile as she glanced over her shoulder at me, suggestive."Nobody's special then huh? "

Still, I found myself glancing at Steve's obvious question of Natasha. I noticed the blond gesticulating in his seat as he adjusted his grip on the steering wheel before quickly turning my eyes away as he suddenly looked up at the rearview mirror. I swallowed as I could suddenly feel my heart again missing a beating in my chest.

It was completely stupid given our current situation but I just could not stop my body from functioning. No matter how much I wanted to fight it, I couldn't control my attraction to the super soldier.

That was probably why I felt a new ping of pain in my chest as he let a humorless chuckle as he keep his eyes on the road. "Believe it or not, it's kind of hard to find someone with shared life experience."

Steve could feel guilt swallowing his lie and he found himself glancing at Dan through the rearview mirror just to see a deep crease between her eyebrows. She had her lips narrowed in a thin line and her eyes riveted on the window. She seemed detached from their conversation and yet, Steve could easily read through her expression. She was pissed. And he had to admit that he could easily understand her. He was annoyed by the way she reacted. Once again, she was confusing.

Hence the reason he chose this excuse. He had deeply thought about their situation and he could not really deny their difference. They both came from another era; they both had a heavy past that still weighed on their shoulders and they were two different people.

Unfortunately, they could not even explore this side of their relationship. He always seemed to have a bad timing.

"Well, that's alright. You just make something up."Natasha challenged, letting her eyes travel between him and the brunette in the back.

Steve glanced at her, tilting his head to the side to change the conversation by raising his eyebrows a bit."What, like you? "

"I don't know." She mumbled, looking down at her thighs before meeting his eyes again."The truth is a matter of circumstance." She explained with a slight, monotonous smile. "It's not all things to all people, all the time." She paused, raising her eyebrows. "Neither am I."She gave him a knowing look.

"That's a tough way to live." He pointed out with a knowing look on Dan.

"It's a good way not to die, though." She replied slightly, heaving a sigh as she slumped in her seat.

He knew exactly another person who was hiding most of the time behind a facade.

To tell the truth, he still remembered how Dan used to treat people before they met. Despite the latest events testing their bond of trust, Steve could not deny the change in Dan. She was not a spy. She was a whole person who had refrained from expressing her feelings since the death of her husband.

At that moment, he realized he was not the only one to change. He had changed her too. It had the gift of alleviating some of his doubts about her.

"You know, it's kind of hard to trust someone, when you don't know who that someone really is."He stated, looking at Dan through the rearview mirror just to meet her intense brown eyes. He had long realized that he had completely let go with the brunette. And even if it seemed double-edged, he did not regret having indulged.

"Yeah." Nat agreed as she blinked, her eyes catching the silent exchange between Steve and Dan before turning back to him. "Who do you want me to be?"

"How bout a friend?" He replied with a small smile. He could use a friend. Plus, Dan was much more than that for him, even though they were at a dead end right now.

Nat let her head roll against the headrest before laughing a little."Well, there's a chance you might be in the wrong business, Rogers," he replied, intentionally pointing to the _wrong_ as she silently supported his gaze.

However, the redhead seemed far from over as she turned to Dan again. "And you? Who you want me to be?"

"Argh, Romanoff ..." Dan sighed in a bored groan, letting Steve look at the brunette over his shoulder just to realize she was now leaning her head against the headrest with her eyes closed in fatigue and an annoyed grimace . She waved her hand in the air, probably supposed to dismiss Nat."Right now, I just want you to shut up. I'm not drunk enough for this shit."

Natasha gave a small, amused smile to the brunette's rough behavior before turning to Steve with a teasing hint of her eyebrows.

Steve smiled a little before turning his eyes to the road.


	36. Meet Mr Hide without Dr Jekyll

_"Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows." Unknow_

* * *

I was still frustrated, annoyed and upset with Steve's actions.

However, I just had to see the sign indicating our destination so that all these emotions would be replaced by pure and sincere concern for the blond.

I let my eyes travel between the Camp Leheigh sign and Steve with nervousness. He had spoken to me many times about the famous camp that had sealed his fate. It was the beginning of his transformation. He had explained to me all he had had to endure in his poor physical condition, the exercises I knew only too well being of the army myself, as well as memories a little more precious in his eyes.

It was there that he had met Peggy for the first time. It was also in this camp that he could prove that the brain and the heart were sometimes much more useful than the muscles. How he had managed to take a flag that all the others had not even managed because they had not thought to remove the brush. Or how he had jumped on a dummy grenade just because he thought it was a real one and he thought he would be a lesser evil for the army.

It was probably at that moment that I realized how lucky the world was to have Steve Rogers still present. I still remembered the admiration and fascination coursing through my veins as I had watched him tell me all those stories close to his heart.

_How I feel special to learn all these things from the person himself._

Unfortunately if it was a real source of satisfaction for me, it was a reminder of the past for Steve. Another reminder of what he had lost by sacrificing himself.

So, I could not help but worry about his reaction once there. Although he seemed to have passed his little episodes of panic, I was still anxious about him. Another thing I could see was that I could not help but worry about the blond's well-being. Even in the beginning of our friendship, I cared about his reactions, his feelings and his comfort.

It was a whole new sensation since I had always been a little selfish, even with Ben. Our trades and our way of life had never really given way to a real connection between us. At least, not like the connection I seemed to have with Steve. It was totally different.

I had never experienced jealousy with Ben for example. At least not as I had just experienced earlier. I hated to admit it but Natasha was absolutely right. I had been jealous. I only saw that to explain my behavior earlier.

**However, that was the problem.**

I was not even sure of how I felt about him. For a moment I tried to persuade myself that he was only a friend and that it was better like that and in the second after, he was stealing my breath. I was simply unable to decide. There was just so much variable separating us. Our experiences of life for example. My past with Ben and hers with Peggy. His type of profession although I was pretty sure he didn't have a job anymore. Or even the idea of a future together.

In spite of all that, I could not ignore my intense feelings for Steve. I had never reacted so passionately before. He had the gift of extracting the worst and the best emotions in me. There was no just logical explanation of the facts and reactions that were worth more than a thousand words.

_But it was hard to let go completely when we had locked ourselves behind a wall for so long. When one had deprived oneself of emotion or even of real contact to no longer suffer.  
_

That was the exact reason that held me back above all else. If Ben was constantly in danger, Steve was all the more so. He would never be a perfect boyfriend material or even a husband as Davis was. Having a life like Robbie and Davis seemed impossible.

_And again, I couldn't stop wondering if this was really what I wanted? Did I really want this type of comfortable life? Or did I want a life of adventure and adrenaline?_

My train of thought was soon cut short as Steve slowed down the pick-up at a stop, letting me watch the camp in front of us in anticipation before going down at the same time as the duo. I moved shyly behind them, watching Steve's blond head before shaking my head at the sight of the shield on his forearm. It was another reminder of what I had so easily put aside during the last few months.

_I was really a hypocrite._

"It's here ?" Steve asked stopping next to Natasha, letting me flank the redhead's side as I measured the fence in front of us.

"That's where the file comes from." Replied the redhead.

Steve's next answer was all I needed as he signed a sign proving his statement. "Me too."

Feeling the anxiety and worry take over, I immediately felt the back of my pockets in search of my faithful stress relief. I took out my pack of cigarettes ignoring the slight tremor along my fingers before wedging a white stick between my lips. The click of my lighter seemed to catch the attention of the other two, letting me light my cigarette before putting the package in my pocket.

I released the smoke from my lungs with a flat gaze on the duet."What?"

With each drag, my mind seemed to become clearer and I let myself be guided by the duo in the camp as Natasha waved her little GPS device up in the air to try to point the location.

Strangely, I was not long in feeling the presence of Steve at my side reminding me of a brief conversation with Robbie. It was not really conscious but it would seem that no matter where we were Steve and I always end up gravitating towards each other like asteroids around a planet.

"It was in this camp that I did my classes." Steve announced, breaking the silence between us as he looked all around us.

"It has changed a lot?" Asked Romanoff, distractedly.

I noticed Steve stop behind me, letting me take a break in turn as I turned around."A little."

He seemed lost in an old memory, letting me gauge him with my wrinkled lips before reacting again on instinct. I took one last puff before throwing the cigarette on the floor. I crushed it with my foot before I went calmly towards the blond not to frighten him out of his little mind before surprising us both as I stopped by his side.

I was looking at the empty field in front of us before slowly slipping my hand into that of the super soldier who was not occupied by a huge circular disk of rare metal. It seemed to get Steve out of his memory as he looked down at our joined hands before leaving a small smile on his wrinkled lips as he looked up at me. He plunged his deep blue eyes into my warm brown eyes before adjusting his hold on my hand to make sure he was fine.

However, our moment was soon interrupted as Natasha chose this exact moment to redo her way to us.

"Nothing. No infrared signature. No waves, even radios." I let go of Steve's hand as I turned to the redhead who put the small device in the pocket of her jeans."The one that generated the file had to use a router to scramble the tracks."

I felt Steve swivel by my side before he stopped suddenly giving me a confused look with a frown."What? Steve?"

This time it was Steve's turn to surprise me as he took my hand before dragging me with him to a bunker."The military regulations forbade the storage of ammunition within five hundred meters of the barracks. This blockade has nothing to do here."

Steve let go of my hand at the entrance before using his shield to break the padlock. I stood in marble with the cling of metal against metal before taking a step aside to signal to Natasha to enter after Steve. I was not particularly comfortable with the redhead behind me.

However, she just let out a small smile by signing Steve's fleeing back."After you."

I just rolled my eyes before entering in my turn leaving the redhead follow me.

I tried to stay passive as Natasha hovered over my shoulder with suspicion and curiosity."What are you not telling us?"

One thing I consciously kept for myself was Hydra's involvement. I could not really decide how to tell Steve that his sacrifice was for nothing. Or even that the organization in which he had placed such trust was in fact the organization he had fought during the war.

Nevertheless, I just glanced over my shoulder over the redhead before accelerating to Steve. Natasha passed us at the end of the metal stairs before reaching the switch on the right to illuminate the entire building. I paused at the sight of the many desktops lined up on each side before I felt a thrill escape me despite myself at the sight of this stained logo printed on the farthest wall.

"It's the Shield." Natasha realized visibly ignorant of the true identity of the organization.

I wrinkled my lips with a deep sense of disgust before I started to walk alongside the duo in a deep, bad presentiment.

"It may be the first Q.G." Steve suggested.

I shook my head at the mere thought of all the corrupt files contained here before speeding up clearly uncomfortable at the sight of the logo meant to represent the good guys. All I could think of was the real logo with the skull and the tentacles.

I paused at the sight of a door on the left before reaching for the handle by calling the duo over my shoulder. "Hey, over here."

I could feel the duo following me as I went inside just to make a sudden pause at the sight of three picture frames hanging on the wall. Or rather at the sight of a particular photo frame.

_Peggy._

"He's Stark's father."

I was totally ignorant of Natasha's comment as I watched the blond now by my side with concern. "Howard."

"And who is that ?" Natasha asked, making me wince in spite of myself.

Steve was silent as he looked at Peggy's frame, letting me put my eyes on the tips of my boots before deciding to move. I could not really blame him. After all, I would react the same way if it had been Ben on this wall.

Soon enough, I could hear footsteps following me before scanning my surroundings for something to distract me from my depressing thoughts.

However, Steve was quick to get ahead of me as he questioned us in suspicion."When you have offices as well hidden ..." The metal agreement made me turn on my heels just to see Steve pull one of the shelves hiding a lift hidden. "... why stashed the elevator?"

I soon joined Natasha's side to face the elevator just to make an objection sound the moment Natasha used her device to steal the access codes. She composed the code, letting me immediately take a step back in distrust at the sight of the opening of the doors accompanied by a ringing.

Worse still, there was a functional light letting imagine the recent technology hidden under these vestiges of the past.

"No way I'm going up there." Natasha and Steve immediately turned to me with different expressions of surprise and still shared impatience."What? We're on the top floor. Do you think I'll go where? It's a trap under the ground."

"This is Shield's first headquarters." Natasha defended in annoyance.

I just crossed my arms over my chest giving her an indignant look. "Right and Shield is a trusted institution."

"Dan-"

"Don't." I said pointing Steve before entering despite myself. I leaned against the handrail as Steve and Natasha climbed after me before pinching the bridge of my nose, whispering under my breath. "_I_ had to continue this investigation."

I could feel the duo's gaze on me before I even raised my head before supporting the inquisitive look of the redhead. "This case. Why did you start it?"

I ignored Steve's gaze as I straightened my chin. "The Shield was compromised and my only witness was shot by a ghost shooter. What should I do? Close my eyes ?"

"That's all ? There was no other reason?" The redhead insisted, giving a stealthy glance at the blond by her side. I rolled my eyes to her fox look before rolling my eyes. "What? Not drunk enough for a heart to heart?"

Fortunately for me, the elevator does stop to let us change again our point of concentration as the doors open on a room plunged into total darkness.

I wrinkled my lips as I unconsciously approached the duo before tilting my head to the side sarcastically."Yup, not suspicious. At all. "

I shook my head rolling my eyes as the duo advanced in the room all the same before holding a sigh as I imitated them. And as if that could not be worse, the lift doors closed, plunging us into the near-total darkness. I was walking towards the sort of workstation illuminating with computer lights before stretching myself as the lights seemed to light up on its own.

"It's not from here that the data was send." Natasha objected in disbelief as she eyed the material worthy of the seventies as I walked towards one of the keyboards imagining Arlene's excitement at the sight."All this material is obsolete."

I did not know the incredulous breath of the redhead as my eyes caught the case of USB stick dating our time.

I walked towards it by giving a look suspicious of the duo behind me."So what does a USB port do in an antique warehouse?"

Natasha hastened to join me, supporting my serious gaze before making me frown as she pulled out a USB key similar to the one I had given to Fury several weeks ago. I did not know the familiar feeling as Natasha dug the key into the port before taking a step back as all the material seemed to come alive on contact.

I felt almost instantly Steve's imposing presence by my side as he unconsciously approached me. And just like that, the obsolete computer in front of us seemed to light up, letting me squint at the program on the screen. A yellow writing adorned the black screen.

**Initiate system?**

Natasha took the lead as she passed me before typing on the keyboard before making me want to roll my eyes to her comment. "Shall we play a game?" She straightened up at once, giving Steve a sneer. "It's from a movie-"

"Yes, I know." Steve said at once to interrupt her, leaving me a slight smile in spite of myself before quickly composing my expression at the sensation of the blond's eyes on me. "Dan showed it to me."

"You're the one who chose him in my selection." I recalled in spite of myself as I remembered his disgust at most scenes.

And as if that was not scary enough, an image of a green man's head appeared on the screen leaving me frowning in a sense of déjà vu.

The man had a slight accent as he spoke to us as the kind of camera on the computer was scanning us each turn. **"Rogers, Steven. Born in 1918. Romanoff, Natalia Alianov. Born in 1984. Dimarco formerly Cortez, Danae Elizabeth. Born in 1987."  
**

"Some kind of recording." Natasha was immediately distrustful.

**"I am not a recording, Frolien."** Replied the computer in a robotic voice. And even then, one could hear the condescending and malicious tone in his tone.** "****I may not be the man I was when the captain took me prisoner in 1945. But I am…****"**

I felt my eyes widen at the sight of the familiar photograph of the fat man with glasses suddenly showing on the screen. I seemed to forget Steve and Natasha as I went on to remember my many reading topics about the Hydra organization and their participant. Especially in the process of barbaric modifications of the Winter Soldier.

"You know this thing?"

"Dr. Arnim Zola."I replied unconsciously to Natasha's question instead of Steve.

I could feel Steve's intense gaze on my profile as I took a step back. A fact that Natasha seemed to realize as she gave me an arched eyebrow. "He's a part of the things you don't tell us."

"Arnim Zola was a German scientist."

"Who worked for the Red Skull." Steve added, giving me a serious look before turning on his heels to go around the workstation. "He's been dead for years."

**"First correction: I am Switzerland. Second: look around you. I'm never been more alive." **Objecta again the man with glasses on the screen.** "**** In 1972 I received a terminal diagnosis. Science couldn't save my bodies. My mind however that's what worth saving.** **On two hundred thousand feet of databanks. You are standing in my brain.****"**

"Gross." I murmured in spite of myself.

"How did you get here?" Steve asked immediately as he stopped by my side.

**"Invited."**

"The Operation Paperclip after World War Two. Shield recruited German scientist with strategic value." Informed Natasha.

**"They thought that I could serve their cause. I also served mine. "**_  
_

_That was it, it was the moment when Steve learned the true identity of the Shield._

"Hydra died with Red Skull."

And just that, the monitor showed the famous logo pulling me a shiver as he recited the slogan of the German division. "Cut one head and two more shall take place. You should ask the Commander. I had a real pleasure playing with your hacker."

"All our data's ... you gave them to us voluntarily?" I exclaimed in the realization, clearly unconscious of Steve's serious look on my profile.

The latter turned sharply to the screen coldly. "Prove it."

**"Accessing archive."** And just like that, most of Hydra's achievements over time were revealed to us. **"****Hydra was founded on the belief that humanity could not be trusted with its own freedom. What we did not realize was if you try to take that freedom they resist. The war taught us much. Humanity needed to surrender its freedom willingly. After the war, Shield was founded and I was recruited. The new Hydra grew a beautiful parasite inside Shield. For seventy years, Hydra has been secretly feeding crisis, weeping more and when history did not cooperate history was changed…"**

I widened my eyes at the sight of the famous metal arm with the Soviet red star of the sniper proving the least of my readings.

Nevertheless, Natasha seemed more reluctant to believe it as she persisted in denial."That's impossible. Shield would stop you."

"Incidence would happen."

I wrinkled my lips like another time, the computer was giving me information that I already knew. Notably the planned death of Howard and Maria Stark. They were both on the ghost list.

**"Hydra created the world so chaotic that humanity is finally ready to sacrifice its freedom to gain its security. One the purification process is complete; Hydra new world order will arise."**

"The Insight Project." I breathed with my eyes wide of horror.

**"We won Captain."** I jumped in spite of myself as Steve suddenly threw his fist in the screen, bursting the glass under the force of his blow before moving back with a wide look like another screen resumed the relay.**"Yes, I was saying. "**

"What's this Drive Project?"

**"Project Insight requires insight. So, I wrote an algorithm."**

Natasha immediately went to alert Steve. "What kind of algorithm? What does it do?"

**"****So, I'm suit your question assassin. Unfortunately, you shall be too dead to hear it.****"**

I felt my heart running in my chest as the agreement of the metal grating sounded, letting us swivel quickly on our heels just to see the metal doors blocking the elevator. Steve immediately threw his shield just to see it bounce off the wall before receiving it again.

Meanwhile, Natasha recovered her device in panic. "Steve, we got a bogey. Short-range blister. 30 seconds tops."

"What the fuck?"

"Who fired?"

"Shield."

I took a look at Natasha in panic and frustration since I was probably the least likely to survive this kind of attack.

"**I am afraid I have been stalling Captain.****"**

"Shut this damn thing up." I exclaimed in a panicked explosion.

Natasha hastily removed the usb key as I quickly scanned the room for a protection point. Steve did the same as he rushed over one of the air vents before pulling it off the floor, letting me take a wide look at Steve as I could feel the bile rising up my chest.

The blond supported my gaze before throwing himself on me before throwing me with him in the grid. Natasha soon joined our side, barely allowing Steve to lift his shield to protect us. The building began to collapse around us under the force of the missile, letting me bring my arms over my head in a futile attempt to protect. Everything seemed to be idling and yet it was a matter of seconds. The weight of the debris falling on us was almost as agonizing as the dust infiltrating every air hole in our body.

The last thing I remember before being crushed by tons of debris was Steve's yell.


	37. Talk and leaning on him

_"A true relationship is two unperfect people refusing to give up on each other."_

* * *

_A whistle._

_A fucking whistle._

It seemed like it was the only sound I could hear as I was trying to recover from the hit of the missile. It was like I was back on the field. the detonations of rifles and the explosions of the bombs raged in my ears as I could feel my heart speeding up again in my chest. A clear indicator that I was still alive.

However, I was far from conscious enough to enjoy my survival. Everything was hurting me, to breathe to move a little finger. And I did not even speak of this immense load crushing me with all their strength. A load strangely moving and noisy. Now that the whistle seemed to be dissipating, I was strangely aware of the grunts and ricochets of stone surrounding me. A familiar voice frantically calling my name between each grunt was enough to make me blink my eyes.

Almost immediately, I was assailed by the dust and the reality of my situation as I suddenly watched Steve lift a huge stone.

"Dan?" The blond's eyes widened with a cough at the sight of my condition, letting me wince in pain as I felt like I was under a steamroller."Dan, you okay?"

"Peachy." I grunted, trying to straighten up before falling back on my back with a cough.

I froze at the feeling of his hands taking hold of my face despite my little internal panic before holding his azure gaze."Dan ... are you hurt?"

"N-no ... I don't think so." I grimaced as I leaned on the stone to straighten up before widening my eyes at the sight of Natasha barely awake."Steve."

The blond descended almost immediately into our hole before giving me his shield. I did not know the sensation and the surprise running through my veins holding such a symbol before helping me with it to lift some debris. I was not long in putting my eyes on Steve's at the understanding of Natasha's grunt, now in his arms.

The redhead had a stain face. Just like Steve. They were covered with dust and soot and their clothes were torn. Several cuts adorned their skin and if I thought the pain along the limbs, several bruises would adorn their bodies later. All this just let me imagine what I looked like right now.

However, Steve was quick to catch my attention as he paused at the entrance to the hole at the sight of blue lights. He gave me a determined look over his shoulder. "Can you walk?"

"I guess so." I replied as I hastened to follow him without a word.

Once outside, I realized that the night had quickly fallen on the whole site. I picked up my pace on the back of the blond over the debris before taking a break from the flying gear agreement. I cast an alarmed glance over my shoulder before accelerating again in the realization.

I had to admit it was more difficult than I imagined keeping pace with Steve. Even more in my condition. Honestly, I really did not know how he was doing. We had all just survived a missile attack. And I did not even talk about how he managed to think of our safety when he had just learned all that.

Nevertheless, my focus on Steve soon faded at the sight of our truck. I forced on my thighs despite the feeling stifling and burning along my throat.

Once in the truck, Steve put Natasha in the back so that she was comfortable while I rushed to the driver's side. It was out of the question for me to sit in a seat without doing anything after what had happened.

_I was in dire need of a reality check._

I start the contact after giving a brief glance at Steve before making sure to get out of the way as fast as possible while avoiding the rays of light from the three jets coming to check for damage.

A few minutes passed before the magnitude of the situation seemed to catch up with me.

"Four times." I gasped in an incredulous whisper. I was unconscious of the blond's intense gaze beside me as I hit the wheel forcefully."Four fucking times!" I hit my fist against the wheel again, ignoring the pain. The pain was good, it reminded me that I was still alive."It's the fourth fucking time these assholes have tried to kill me! And now they have tried to kill yo-"

I ran my trembling hand down my face in frustration before reaching out to Steve's calm statement contrasting with my explosion earlier."I should never have come near you." I could not help letting go of a scoff at his archaic thought. "You would never have started this case if I had not approached you."

"Oh, pretty please, Steve! Stop this fucking phase of self-pity!" I snarled with an incredulous grimace. I did not know his shocked look as I gave him a side look. "You and I both know it's wrong! I would have continued this case whether you're involved or not. I am a fucking obstinate idiot who can't say no when she is in danger. A fucking addict to adrenaline."

"Who's the hypocrite now?" Steve challenged, giving me a long side glance, letting me focus my attention on the road. The blond left a long sigh, tired. "I'm sorry, Dan. "

I frowned at once, letting me gauge him in confusion."Why? I am the one who should apologize. I was a real bitch. I lied and-"

"You did it to protect me. It's a pitiful excuse but I understand." Steve intervened, checking his jaw, visibly still slightly annoyed by my thought processes. Or at least that was what I thought. It turned out he was hurt more than angry."You should have come to see me. We would have-I could have helped you discover all that."

I swallowed as I looked down the road, guilty. I readjusted my grip on the steering wheel before shaking my head. "I was scared."

A heavy silence fell on us at my admission before Steve frowned, giving me a worried look."Afraid? From SHIEL-"

"To lost what we had." I interrupted him quickly as I saw his fists clench in his thighs in reaction to the idea of Shield scary me. Steve lifted his head at once with a surprised look at my honesty. "The truth is I didn't know what I was getting into. All I could think of was that the organization you had fought in the war was using you. And when I started to realize that I had to talk to you about it, it was too late."

"I didn't notice anything." He sighed in frustration, mostly against himself and the situation as a whole. "I was so ignorant."

I tilted my head to the side, raising my eyebrows in agreement before giving him a knowing look. "Well, for your defense you're not really the best with women. Not to mention that I am a pretty good actress."Steve gave me a dark look in response, leaving me wincing. " Too soon?"

"Far too soon." He commented in a breath before silently looking down the road. I watched him aside intermittently between my behavior and my own thought process.

I glanced through the mirror at Natasha, still calmly asleep at the back of the truck before giving another hesitant glance at Steve. "So ... how are you feeling? I mean, after what you just learned ... with the Shield being ... well ..."

"Hydra?" He asked in a strangely quiet and detached tone despite the content of this information. I nodded with my pleated lips. "I refuse to think that I died for nothing. I saved the world from these bombs."

I had a rather dubious eyebrow before deciding not to overpower him for the moment. This could be a topic of discussion for another time. For now, we needed to find a way to stay under the radar for a while. If only to rest and heal our wounds of war. Especially since I could start to feel a hot liquid infiltrate the fabric of my jeans.

_With all that, I had completely forgotten my previous race with Shield agents_.

I took a discreet look at Steve to watch his actions before taking a look at my thigh. I took off one of my hands from the steering wheel before testing the pain simply to hold a hiss between my teeth.

I could feel the crimson liquid soaking my fingers as I quickly pulled my hand away at the blond's worried look. "Dan, you're hurt."

"I'm okay." I assured him as I hurriedly wiped my hand on my jacket before giving Steve an insistent glance at his dubious expression on my thigh."Steve, hey look at me." The blond looked up reluctantly."We have more important things to handle than a chair injury. I can bear the pain until then."

I held his gaze for a short while as I was driving before narrowing my lips to his compromise."Fine. But at the slightest sign of light-headeness or-"

"I can recognize the symptoms of a plausible hemorrhage, Steve." I interrupted, rolling my eyes at him."I treated more than enough on the ground."

"Still." He softly, but seriously said. "I don't want anything to happen to you."

I managed a small smile as I could feel a slight blush color my cheeks. Thanks to the ambient darkness, he could not really see it.

_It was completely stupid and it was definitely not the moment but again, my body seemed to take over the super soldier._

Deciding to divert the conversation that could very well turn to another subject too much disturbing, I gave a mocking look at the blond."God, you're really a softie."

Steve let out a laugh at her defense mechanism before narrowing his smile into a nervous grin as he eyed her hand resting on the gear lever. He looked back at her sooty dusty face before taking her hand in his. He could feel her shocked look on his profile but he was quite pleased with himself when she did not pull out her hand.

Instead, she tightened her grip on hers before letting him put their joined hand on his thigh.

"I'm glad you're okay, Dan."He said softly, sincerely.

He was really relieved that she had not had anything major during the blast. He did not know what he would have done if something had happened to her. He cared too much for her to leave her in a way of harm or danger.

I glanced at our joined hands with that deep, burning feeling in my chest before looking up at Steve's stained face. I could feel my heart speeding up at his touch and it was strangely comforting. It felt right. It wasn't like all these times before. For once, I felt sincerely connected with Steve.

Steve rested his head against the headrest as he watched the scene pass in front of them in an blur.

Despite the number of unresolved problems currently occupying his mind, he allowed himself a moment of respite with Dan at his side. It was like they were back on the roof of their building. It reminded him that there was one thing they had not really talked about again. There was one thing he really wanted to face right now.

"Dan ..." I gave Steve a look with an arched eyebrow as an expectation before shrugging my shoulders as he let out a long sigh that seemed to change his mind. Instead, he shook his head before taking a look at Natasha in the back."Where to now?"

The redhead seemed to come back faster than normal from her state of unconsciousness. I supposed that had to do with the small doses of reworked serum flowing in her veins. Steve had once explained to me that the serum had accentuated his stamina and his healing.

Even though it was not the same at the time, Romanoff had some benefit from the injection.

I watched the redhead through the mirror of the retro before leaving a sigh uncertain "I have an idea in mind but I'm not sure to want to deal with the consequences."

"We have nowhere else to go, Dan." Steve insisted, seemingly guessing my thought process."Sam seems like the type of person you would turn to in this kind of situation. That's why you planned to see him the other night, right?"

I frowned on the road before giving him a slightly bored look."How long have you been reading me so easily?"

"I don't know. It comes with time, I think." Steve answered seriously, shrugging his shoulders before giving me a worried look. "I know he's your friend. We can maybe- "

"He's our only option right now." I sighed in defeat before peeking into my outdoor retro to change lanes."He'll love getting three fugitives on his doorstep."


	38. Something stupid and loyal

_"Best friends are people who make your problems their problems, just so you don't have to go through them alone." Unknow_

* * *

Dawn was just starting to shine in the light of day as I entered Sam's familiar neighborhood. I still was not really sure that involving him was a good idea. Until now, he had stayed away but I already knew that it would be enough for him to look at our covered faces one after another so that he decided to do something stupid and loyal.

_It was Sam for you_.

Realizing that we could not really get out in the light of day without alerting Sam's nosy neighbors, I had opted for the back door to his garden. Steve took care of helping Natasha now conscious. She had an arm on his shoulder while Steve stood up to hold her straight. She had really taken the majority of the hit.

I knew I had to feel guilty about some extension but I was too on my guard to feel anything else right now.  
Besides, I was still questioning our arrival at Sam's.

_I really had something else to think about than my moods._

I stopped in front of the door giving a quick scan of the neighborhood before hitting my fist against the window, shaking my head.

_It was a bad idea. _

We waited a moment before Sam suddenly pulled the blinds to look through. His reaction seemed almost instantaneous as he closed the blinds before opening the door, confused.

"Hey, man." He greeted Steve first, Sam seemed to have set his sights on my pathetic state.

"Do you remember the last time you told me you would do nothing for me?" I asked at once with a grimace giving Sam a suspicious look."Well, I think it's time."

"I'm sorry about this." Steve apologized in a hurry clearly more polite than me at this point."But we need a place to lay low."

"Everyone we know is trying to kill us." Natasha chimed in, voice rough from lack of use and inhalation of smoke.

Sam immediately put his serious eyes on me at this new ounce of information, letting me shrug my shoulders with a sheepish air before leaving a small smile despite myself as he scanned the area quickly before opening his door wide to allow us to 'enter."Not everyone."

I was the first to cross the familiar entrance allowing me to remove my sticky jacket in a hurry.

However, Sam's statement forced me to turn around. "That's why you didn't come the other night."

"Yeah, there have been some complications." I grimaced as I could feel my hoarse throat.

Sam arched an eyebrow, giving me a critical look as he took in my state. "Right, some complications."

I casually threw my jacket on the couch while Sam was busy playing the host for the two extra guests.

"Guest room's down the hall. There's a bathroom with towels and whatever else you need."He explained, waving his hand toward the hall before giving me a critical look. "Dan, you can use my room if you want. You seem to need it."

I gave him a sharp look at his attempt at humor in this situation. "Geez, I knew there was a reason why I did not want to come here."  
Sam smirked in the hope of concealing his careful inspection of my condition."Robbie goes crazy. She has been looking for you everywhere."

"Robbie?" I exclaimed with a wide look in concern. "Why ? What happened to her? This is the baby?"

"Wow, wow, calm down." Sam apologized quickly with his hands raised to stop my endless stream of questions." She's fine. The baby too. But after ... well after this guy came to ask where you were, she goes nuts."

I immediately frowned on Steve at Sam's explanation receiving a sorry look from the tall blond. Right. I tried to find you after ... well after what happened in my apartment."

"God, she must be completely freaked out." I sighed, running my hand through my hair before grunting as my fingers seemed to get caught in my knots.

"Right, because she's the only one to worry about you." Intervened Sam sarcastically making me glance at him un-amused.

I rolled my eyes on the dark-skinned brown before giving a look at the seemingly spectator duo of our exchange. I tried to lean a little on my injured leg since I could begin to feel my loss of sensation in it. It really was not the moment to alert Steve more.

"Are you going to be ok?" I asked with seriousness and concern for the duo. _Yes, even Romanoff.  
_

The duo gave me nods simultaneously but I noticed Steve's eyes lingering on my thigh. Obviously, the sight of blood in the light of day was probably more alarming. I struggled to ignore the pain at each step as I followed Sam guiding the duo before continuing my way as they stopped in front of the guest room.

"I still have to have clothes for Dan that will fit you." I heard Sam suggest as I grabbed the handle of his room.

Their conversation was soon to become a mere sound as I entered Sam's room before disappearing completely as I closed the door behind me. I scanned the room by simple habit before immediately setting my sights on the recessed door in the wall. I rushed on the shower to turn the handles before taking a step back to undress me. I whistled almost every five seconds at the sensation of my muscles screaming in pain.

I left my dirty clothes resting on the floor before reaching for the button of my jeans. I already knew it would be the most difficult task to accomplish. The blood had already dried and the cut seemed bigger now. I stuck my lower lip between my teeth to divert my pain before I started to take off my jeans. I let out a grunt at the feeling of my skin peeling off the fabric before finally sighing as I came out of the oppressive garment.

I immediately set my sights on my wound just to see the bandage once white soaked in blood. The latter had even sunk down my knee. I grimaced at the sensation of the viscous liquid under my fingers before trying to remove the bandage. I restrained myself from screaming at the lingering sensation of sticky tissue in the pulpit.

Once removed, I jerked the fabric into the sink before quickly pressing my palm against my cut. I was limping slightly in the shower keeping a compression point to stop the flow of blood before giving a small sigh of relief to the feeling of chilled water relaxing my aching muscles.

I was using my free hand to support myself against the wall before leaning under the jets. I tasted the water to try to erase the feeling of drought along my throat before staying an extra moment without moving. I just let myself submerge under the water as I tried to manage the last twenty-four hours in my mind. I watched the water turn into a dark red brown in the drain before releasing a weak sigh.  
Finally, I forced myself to move again, letting me clean myself carefully. I rubbed the slightest bit of dust and more importantly, the slightest trace of blood from my body before going to my hair. I was taking Sam's Lemon Shampoo while breathing in its soothing scent before rushing to finish with my shower.

I ended up turning off the water before getting out of the shower by grabbing one of the towels available. I wrapped it around my body before heading to the mirror above the sink. I rubbed my hand to remove the excess of mist on the mirror before grinning at the sight of my reflection.

_Even after a shower, I still looked pitiful._

It was as if I had returned in my first months of mourning after Ben's death. Except that it might well be me and the others who might die. My cut just chooses this moment to wake up letting me wince again at the sight of lines of clear blood flowing down my thigh.

I sighed knowing that I had to stop the flow of blood before having to undergo a was not really the kind of material Sam had at home. I went back to his room just to crack a small smile at the sight of the clothes and the little box of first aid lying on the bed. I hurriedly took off the towel and dropped it onto the floor before putting on the underwear I had left at Sam's.

As I told Steve once, I too had the used to have panic attacks and only Sam had managed to get me out of these. So, after Ben's death, I lived a little while at his home. I had intentionally left some clothes in case the episodes returned.

_I definitely did not think that these same clothes would ever serve me because I was a fugitive with Captain America._

I shook my head at the thought before putting on the green and black plaid shirt before settling on the bed. I rolled up the sleeves on my elbows before taking the first aid kit. I opened the latter looking for a tool to tend to my cut. I cleaned the blood first with an antiseptic compress before wrapping a new clean band.

I made sure to squeeze it to avoid another incident before getting up to put on the black jeans distressed. It was mostly covered with a hole on one of the legs, allowing me to put on a sigh of relief as I realized that the hole was revealing the skin of my good leg and not the bandaged one.

_This would be a real problem to go unnoticed._

Once treated and fully clothed, I pulled up my long curls in a ponytail over my head before making my way out of the room again. Now dressed and clean of any residue of the attack on the bunker, I felt a little less exhausted. My muscles were still protesting at each step but it was nothing that I could not handle.

I could briefly hear voices coming from the guest room as I passed by.

However, I struggled to continue into the kitchen where I could hear a faint jazz music emerge. The sound of meat seizes mixed with the music leaving me arched an eyebrow at the sight of Sam behind the stoves.

My eyes caught the bottle of orange juice letting me give Sam a suspicious look."You still drank from the bottle."

"Don't feel at all obligated to drink it if my ways are a problem for you." He replied sarcastically, letting me roll my eyes before going over to serve me a drink."So ... you want to explain to me what's the hell is going on?"

I took a long sip of juice before licking my lips in contentment as I rested the glass on the counter.

I met Sam's expectant gaze before settling on one of the stools, giving him a serious look."The less you know, the better."

"Seriously?" He asked, frustrated as he instantly stopped cooking to give me a look over his shoulder. "You're coming at my door with Captain freaking America and his black-dusted sidekick Widow and you're really expecting me not to ask a question?"

"No. I knew you were going to ask questions." I said with a nod."I didn't say I was going to answer it." Sam immediately gave me a scathing look, letting me sigh. "Remember the complicated case?"

"Yeah, I thought it have a link, too." Sam nodded with a pensive expression before taking a look at the corridor. "They eat like us, right?"

"Seriously?" I replied, bored by his attempt at humor before bringing my hand to my belly to grunt agreement coming from it."God, I don't even remember the last time I ate."

"Sucks for you." Sam commented with a small show of eating a slice of bacon, making me laugh a bit in spite of myself.

"Dipshit."

"Hey, is that how you thank your host?" Challenged the dark-skinned brunet before signing my thigh."Did you take care of that?"

"It shouldn't be a problem." I nodded.

He nodded his head knowing that it was useless to pester me for more answer. Anyway, something told me that Steve would explain to him the situation.

At the mere thought of the blond, I found myself once again to question our current relationship. It was obviously not the time for that, but I could not help wondering what was going on between us. I was almost certain he had tried to dispel the elephant in the room during the return but he had changed his mind.

_Was it because he was doubtful or just because it was not the moment? And did I really want to have this conversation? Damn right, I wanted to have this conversation._

Knowing enough to understand my expressions, Sam hastened to come to my rescue to avoid me of drowning in my thoughts."Hey, do you think you could go see if they're ready for breakfast?" I blinked briefly to catch my spirits before I saw him sign the stoves."Should be ready in a few minutes."

"Thanks, Sam." I thanked with a grateful smile.

Sam nodded as I climbed out of the stool before finishing the rest of my orange juice in a sip. I put my drink on the counter as Sam turned to the stove before heading to the hallway.

I paused at the door ajar before hitting three free knocks to get the duo's attention. The first to meet my gaze was Natasha as she was drying her hair with a hand towel. She was now clean of dust and residue from the attack.

She gave me a small smile as she also seemed to take in my cleansed state before signing the clothes she wore with a grateful smile."Do I want to know why he has clothes for you?"

"It has nothing to do with what your little evil spirit concocted." I replied, rolling my eyes as I walked into the room.

Natasha let out a laugh before she looked away almost as if she seemed to be in another stratosphere. With what we had learned with the Shield and her past, I assumed she had a lot of thought in her mind.

_We all had our crosses to wear after all._

Quickly scanning the room in search of a certain tall blond worthy of Adonis, I was not slow to emit a small smile at the sight of Steve coming out of the bathroom in a white tank top and the same pair of pants had been wearing all night.

"Sam made breakfast." I greeted the tall blond as he stepped out of the bathroom letting me take a look at Natasha again.

For some reason, my earlier thoughts made the task of supporting Steve's gaze more difficult. No matter where we were at this moment in our relationship, I could now say that I felt strangely clumsy at his side.

A fact that he seemed to quickly realize how he tilted his head to the side, his brows furrowed a little."Everything okay?"

"I'm fine." I answered quickly. Too soon before signing Natasha still in her little bubble."I'll find you in the kitchen."

The fact that the redhead seemed barely aware of my departure seemed really alarming. Clearly, the latest events had reached her more than she had let it appear.

Nevertheless, it was always reassuring to know that she felt feelings like all of us. I began to seriously doubt her condition as human. We already had a lobotomized man in our kit.

I was making my way back to the kitchen where Sam was currently setting up plates of food.

When Steve and Natasha decided to join us, I was sitting at the table pecking in my breakfast. I gladly accepted Sam's cup of coffee before taking a deep sip as Steve sat next to me with his own cup.

"You all look a hell of a lot better. " Sam commented as he added maple syrup to his dish. Our trio made small smiles to his veiled compliment. Well until he decided to throw a spike in my direction."Well, Dan I guess we can't really do more for you. I am sorry."

"Fuck you, Wilson." I grumbled under my breath as I threw him my napkin into a ball.

The brown narrowly avoided it with a smug smile letting me roll my eyes before glancing at Steve at his admission."It's been an eventful twenty-four hours."

Just like that, Steve made a brief summary of the situation for Sam's benefit. As expected, he was responsible for doing the debriefing. I could see Sam ingesting the information seriously. He glanced in my direction from time to time to have my addition before returning his attention to Steve.

The latter was definitely more comfortable about trust despite my latest betrayal. It was honestly rewarding to know that we had not completely screwed up with a person's trust to be honest.

"So, the question is, who at Shield could launch a domestic missile strike?" Natasha asked after Steve's explanation. She leaned over the breakfast bar as Sam buttered another toast before Nat was giving me a sharp look."You wouldn't have the answer by chance? How far did your little research go?"

I could feel the whole trio's gaze on me at Naasha's accusation letting me give a dark look at the redhead in boredom. _I hated being the center of attention. There was a reason why I was acting in the shadows.  
_

"My research was mainly focused on the Winter Soldier." I snapped in my tone before shrugging my shoulders with a slight frown in my mind."On the other hand, I read somewhere about a secretary ... he had full control of the ghost."

"Pierce." Steve answered at once, giving me a look as I took another sip of my third glass of juice.

"Who happen to be sitting on top of the most secure building in the world." Natasha reminded, moving to stand at the table by Steve's chair.

"But he's not working alone. Zola's algorithm was on the Lemurian Star." Objected Steve.

"So was Jasper Sitwell." Natasha realized, crossing her arms on her chest.

I was mostly lost in their little brainstorming. I just looked at the contents of the breakfast to pick a new piece of bacon. I could feel Sam's eyes on my profile, arching my eyebrow in defiance. He knew that I was taking care of my mind with the food. It was rather difficult to get back under the orders of someone and just listen instead of developing a strategy when we had been in charge for so long.

"So, the real question is, how do the three most wanted people in Washington kidnap a SHIELD officer in broad daylight?" Steve reiterated, letting me shake my head unconsciously in agreement visibly ignorant of my involvement.

It was until these words finally reached my food-induced coma as I widened my eyes almost to choke on my new piece of bacon. My cough caught the attention of the tall blond as he gauged me with concern while I used my fist to put my cough.

"Sorry ..." I swallowed the roughness of my throat before giving him a dubious look. "Did you really say three? Like the three of us?"

However, Sam decided to intervene to cover my reaction with determination as he moved from the breakfast bar. "The answer is, you don't."

"Sam, don't do this!" I immediately said, shaking my head sharply in the negation.

Unfortunately it was too much too late as he retrieved a file before throwing it on the table in the direction of Steve.

The latter gave me a confused and slightly anxious look before looking into the file in the interrogation."What's this ?"

"Call it a resume." Sam replied, stepping back with his hands on his hips.

"He did it !" I sighed, raising my hand in the air indignantly.

Natasha was the first to ignore my indignation as she passed through the contents of Sam's resume.

"Is this Bakhmala?" She grabbed a picture of the file as Steve got to his feet before looking at the content in turn. "The Khalid Khandil mission, that was you?" I clenched my jaw, giving Sam a scathing look as he nodded in affirmation before catching Nat's gaze as she turned back to me."You didn't say he was a Pararescue."

I raised my eyes to the ceiling as an answer before letting myself fall back into my chair, running my hand down my face in frustration. _It was not what I planned._

"Is this Riley?" Steve asked at the sight of a picture of Sam and his dead teammate letting me give a careful look at the brown.

"I heard they couldn't bring in the choppers because of the RPGs." Nat added in the plot."What did you use? A stealth chute?"

I rolled my eyes in anticipation as I already knew the peculiarity of Sam's second job. I had hated the idea almost immediately. Unlike Sam who found the idea of becoming a fucking canary a great idea.

"No. These." He picked up the second file on the first one with the stamp of the operation concerning him.

I felt Steve's eyes go between Sam's folder and me in confusion before raising his eyebrows at Sam."I thought you said you were a pilot."

"I never said pilot." Smirked Sam shaking his head slightly with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Wait!" Natasha suddenly exclaimed as she grabbed another shot of the first file before looking up at me with a slight smirk."Is that you, _Dan_?"

I frowned in anticipation somewhat annoyed by her use of my nickname before checking my jaw at the sight of the photo in question. It was in our early years as a unit.

Seeing the interest of the duo, Sam approached Steve and Natasha shaking his head."The best platoon head I know. I served her once. I would do it again without hesitation."

"It's not Afghanistan, Sam." I snapped.

This caught Steve's attention as he nodded as he rested the picture of our unit on the table."Dan is right. I can't ask you to do this, Sam." He paused slightly with his eyebrows gathered before giving him a knowing look."You got out for a good reason."

"Well to be honest, I always knew I should go back to the front with Dan around." Sam commented immediately, letting me give him a scornful look before rolling my eyes at his intervention about Steve. "More, dude, Captain America needs my help. There's no better reason to get back in."

His tone left absolutely no room for negotiation, letting me get up from my chair, wringing my lips in frustration. I did not know the look in my back as I stopped in front of the windows with the blinds before glancing over my shoulder at the silence of the trio. I noticed Steve gauge the picture of our unit again with a thoughtful expression.

For some reason, I could already imagine what he was thinking. He had the same expression as when he was lost in an old memory. Probably about Howling Commandos and how they had followed him with little or no hesitation.

He narrowed his lips as he crossed my conflicting gaze for a moment before lifting the file containing Sam's pageantry model as a question."Where can we get our hands on one of these things?"

"The last one is at Fort Meade." Sam sighed giving me a side look. "Behind three guarded gates and a 12-inch steel wall." It was not the first time he had thought of this damned costume. I had spent enough time with him to know that it was missing him to be in the air.

Steve shared a silent glance with Natasha as if to develop some kind of plan before shrugging his shoulders with confidence."Shouldn't be a problem."

Sam gave a slight laugh almost astonished at their impulse to help him steal the suit before giving me a defiant look. "I kept some of your toys you know."

"You have toys too, Dan?" Natasha immediately made fun of me, letting me roll my eyes.

I shook my head giving a scathing look at Sam before the trio in a feeling of oppression. "Are they still in the same place?"

"In the safe behind the board." Hailed Sam after I left before adding."Oh, and I got your new toy in front of your office. She was left abandoned with the keys still in touch. You're lucky I was looking for you."

I rolled my eyes with a clearly smug little smile since Khallahan would probably have had my head if I had lost his precious bike.

_Khallahan._

_I wondered if Hydra had ever got his hands on it. Or worse._

I shook my head with a slight frown to try to forget that kind of thinking. It was not the moment.

After removing the painting, I quickly dialed Sam's secret code before pausing at the sight of the artillery before my eyes. Most of them were remnants of my years in the army. I retrieved the sports bag almost identical to that of my office before putting it on the couch to check its contents.

I was quick to grab the knives of my years in the Navy to weigh their weight in my hands before straightening me with the step agreement on approach. I raised an eyebrow at the sight of Steve wearing a sheepish expression.

I scowled at an eyebrow, noting his glancing eye between the knife and my face in confusion before supporting his azure gaze as he stopped at my height."Are you sure you want to do that?"

"Do we really have a choice at this point?" I sighed, rhetoric.

Steve narrowed his lips, lowering his chin against his chest before signing the bag in question."You seem to be prepared."

"Perks for being in the army." I agreed with a small smile.

Steve let out a smile before nodding uncertainly."How do you manage to receive orders from me?"

"Oh god, it's horrible." I exaggerated, widening my eyes for the effect before giving him a real smile this time. "I think I will survive. But don't make it a habit. I don't like to be bossing around."

I absently tapped the back of my hand against his built chest as I retrieved my bag before attempting to overtake him.

However, Steve grabbed my hand in the flight and arched an eyebrow at me. He wore that uncertain expression again as he absently rubbed his thumb along my hand. I could feel a slight shiver run through my arms at his touch.

I swallowed as he raised his eyes full of intensity on me again. "Promise me to be careful, Dan." I tried to object but the blond cut me off almost instantly." I'm serious."

Deciding to reassure him that I could not really promise him such a thing, I nodded.

Fortunately for me, our little moment was interrupted by the bursting of Natasha who was already in planning mode."Dan, do you think you can spin Sitwell?" She paused at the entrance of the living room just to arch an eyebrow at our duet."I'm interrupting something?"

I did not know her smirking smile as I rushed straight at her with a roll of my eyes."Give me a location and I can follow anyone."

* * *

An hour later, Sam and I were sitting around a coffee table in front of the restaurant where the target was sitting next to Senator Stern.

As if that was not enough, they had to have the support of a fucking Senator.

My spinning had led me to believe that they would meet here for lunch. Not surprisingly, we had seen them enter a little earlier.

_The plan was quite simple and rested on one word: fear.  
_

Steve and Natasha were already in place on one of the roofs of the garage parking not far from the restaurant. They would do most of the work but it was primarily our job that would isolate the Shield agent.

I readjusted my earpiece as I watched over the restaurant before I whirled my cup of coffee distractedly, as if talking to Sam_."_It's not to be pessimistic or anything, but fear and bullying are not really your two watchwords, Stevie."

"Stevie?" Sam asked, giving me a look with arched eyebrows in the joke.

_"Ha, this nickname will never go away.__"_ Exclaimed Romanoff with a scoff in my ear_."And that's why I'm here, Dan."_

I could already imagine the blush on the blond's cheeks, letting me glance at Sam as I answered the redhead."Stop calling me that."

_"Why? That's how Sam and Stevie call you_." The redhead asked me, rolling my eyes at her own use of my nickname for Steve.

I took a sip of my coffee as I glanced over Sam's shoulder before giving myself to the sight of movements in the restaurant." They're moving."

"That's our cue." Sam whispered for our small group.

I immediately got up from the table to pick up Sam's SUV parked on the side while he was busy hacking Sitwell's phone to pretend to be Pierce. I could hear his threatening voice through my earpiece letting me lean over to retrieve my assault rifle. I turned on the vision laser and aimed at the officer at the other end of the street. The latter immediately sought the sniper before falling head first in our trap.

I rested my rifle against the middle console as Sam forced Sitwell to make his way to the SUV.

I heard the opening of the rear door leaving me immediately to get my 9mm to show the asshole that I had no time to lose.

"You." He grumbled in realization as Sam blocked his door before climbing to the front. "You should be dead."

Sam gave me an alarmed look in question, letting me shrug my shoulders before giving a contemptuous look at the man in the back."Yeah, well you'll regret missing me!"

"You can't do anything to me." He replied arrogantly, letting me act on instinct.

I immediately leaned on my seat before voluntarily pressing the trigger. The muffler silenced the sound of the detonation, but at the sight of Sitwell's wide and panicked look at the hole now adorning his headrest, I seemed to have made my point. He looked down at me, swallowing before giving Sam a look. I passed him my gun before turning my eyes to the steering wheel.

_Those bastards had tried to kill me several times. There was no chance of me going to surrender without blows._

Once in the garage parking, I cut the engine before going down with Sam. He passed Sitwell to Steve as I walked towards my bike to rest against it. I watched as a simple spectator as Steve grabbed Sitwell by the collar before climbing him on the roof. Romanoff followed behind, throwing me a wink over her shoulder while mimicking a gun with her fingers in reference to my earlier act. I rolled my eyes despite the small smile gracing my lips.

I gave Sam a look as he rounded the SUV to reach the trunk where his metal wings were currently. I gave a small look pushed to the sight of the flashy briefcase before pushing me out of my bike to help him equip himself.

Meanwhile, Steve snapped Sitwell once on the roof.

"Tell me about Zola's algorithm." Steve snapped, advancing on Sitwell, who stepped back.

"Never heard of it." He answered, fumbling with his glasses.

However, Steve continued to advance on him, forcing the officer to back off more and more toward the edge." What were you doing on the Lemurian Star ?"

"I was throwing up. I get seasick."Sitwell begged for intimidation by Captain America's persona Steve was wearing. His heels drowned the edge of the roof for a moment, forcing him to quickly regain his balance by casting a glance over the empty space over his shoulder. Steve caught him just before briefly measuring him in silence, challenging him to lie to him again.

"Is the little display meant to insinuate that you're gonna throw me off the roof ? Cause it's really not your style, Rogers."He laughed to mask his fear.

"You're right. It's not." Steve pulled him up, smoothing down where he grabbed him before pointing Natasha."It's hers." He stepped back to make way for Natasha. The latter replaced him before planting a kick well placed in Sitwell.

The latter immediately fell backwards with a deafening cry. His cry echoed throughout his fall but none of them really seemed to pay attention.

"What about that girl from Accounting, Laura ..." Natasha suggested, returning to their Lemurian Star post-operation conversation.

"Lillian." Steve corrected. "Lip piercing, right?" He mentioned for his mouth in memory of his encounters with the girl. He knew it was a fad today but he was still puzzled about it.

"Yeah, she's cute." Natasha said.

"Yeah. I'm not ready for that."He sighed with his hands in the pockets of his pants. In truth, it was a shameless lie. He was ready for one and only one person. He just had to find the right moment to have a conversation with Dan.

Finally, Sitwell's cries came back to them as Sam flew holding Sitwell by the arms before dropping him like a sack of potato on the roof.

Steve and Nat immediately advanced to Sitwell, giving him no time to catch his breath. He immediately raised his trembling hands to stop their approach in terror.

"Zola's algorithm ... is a program for ... choosing Insight's Targets!" He sputtered out, trying to catch his breath at the same time.

"What targets?" Steve asked again impatiently.

"You! A TV anchor in Cairo, the Secretary of Defense, a high school Valedictorian in Iowa City, Bruce Banner, Stephen Strange, your little neighbor military convert in PI, anyone who's a threat to HYDRA. Now, or in the future."Sitwell answered quickly, citing several examples.

"In the future? How could it know?" Steve asked, puzzled.

Sitwell gave a sad laugh to his ignorance."... Zola's algorithm evaluates people's past to predict their future."

He climbed on his feet with a slight air of haughtiness as he noticed the serious exchange between the two ex-agents of the Shield.

"And what then?" Steve asked.

Sitwell swallowed as he looked to the side before fully realizing the consequences of what he had just done."Oh my God. Pierce is gonna kill me."

"What then?" Steve insisted a little more aggressively as he stepped on him again.

Sitwell took another step back but Sam made sure to keep him in place by holding him by the shoulders. Sitwell swallowed as he supported the Captain's narrowed look. "Then the Insight helicarriers scratch people off the list. A few million at a time."


	39. Meet in the highway

_"God doesn't give the hardest battles to his toughest soldiers, he creates the toughest soldiers through life's hardest battles." Unknow_

* * *

After the discovery of the real plan of Hydra we were not slow to put us in movement. According to Sitwell, it was barely 16 hours before the Insight project was launched and our plan seemed barely feasible at this point.

Nevertheless, I was trying to follow Sam's car hoping we could stop this genocide before it was too late.

I turned the handle as I used my heel to go through a new gear before looking in the rearview mirror to change lines. I was quick to catch up with Sam's car, letting me take a look of my bike in their car. I quickly caught sight of Sitwell's nervous look at Natasha's side before glancing forward to see Steve with his eyes already on me. I turned my eyes to the road in front of me as I realized that with all that we had once again lost an opportunity to discuss about us.

_It may have been selfish but this situation had the gift of distracting me from our original purpose._

I tried to ignore my flow of thought on the big blond as I pushed my bike a bit more before passing their car with agility. I positioned myself in front of them, keeping my speed clearly relieved not to be in the same car as this Hydra shit. I was giving my rearview mirror a new look to watch Sam's car just to look wide with the sight of a far too familiar figure on the roof of the SUV. I felt my heart running in my chest as the soldier's gunshots rang out soon followed by a burst of glass and the rustle of metal. His metal arm.

I tried to weigh the pros and cons of the situation as I struggled to keep control of my vehicle while giving another alarmed look over my shoulder. It was even worse in real life than in pictures. I could see his arm of metal shining in the sunlight reminding me of all those close calls I had survived.

Suddenly, Sam's car stopped, sending the guy over the windshield. Instinctively, I was leaning on the brakes letting me hear the squeaking of the tires on the asphalt before taking a sharp left turn. Tons of horns were not long in resonating around us but it was the last of my worries.

I watched the man push his metal hand into the asphalt, leaving a trail in the ground as he slid several meters before getting up as if nothing had happened. And as if that was not enough, the sight of a hummer advancing at full speed to the back of Sam's SUV was enough to make my eyes widen on alert. The Hummer went straight into Sam's car to force them to advance on the Winter Soldier.  
I grabbed the throttle of my motorcycle in panic before returning to the road to avoid being impaled in my turn.

Unfortunately, I had not anticipated the impact that the earlier incident would have on the overall traffic. I barely had time to see an SUV spit in one of the curbs of the road that I suddenly had to turn to avoid spitting in my turn. The braking force made me lose control of my motorcycle and I immediately closed my eyes in anticipation of the fall. I felt the floor even before I felt my clothes tearing as I slid several feet on the floor. I instinctively let go of the motorcycle which continued its way while I remained motionless on the ground.

I groaned as I returned from my shock with my beating head and the hiss again present in my ears. I could feel my heart in my limbs, still in shock as I realized I was still alive. An explosion of pain adorned my side as I let out a deafening scream before trying to regain control of my surroundings. The ringing in my ears prevented me from fully hearing what was going on around me.

I blinked my eyes as I tried to control my erratic breath when a loud crash sound got my attention. I struggled against the pain by helping me out of the cement floor to try to straighten up before just backing away as Sam's car charged over me.

Ignoring the shards of glass that burst all around me, I hoisted myself up before reaching for the strap of my helmet. I removed it dryly ignoring the pain in my neck before throwing it unceremoniously on the floor. I was looking for the car for any sign of Steve in panic.

"Dan!" I turned around at the agreement of my nickname. The group was a few steps away from me. Steve was standing with his shield with Nat at his side, leaving me to look for Sam with wide eyes of worry. I was not long in seeing the latter pulling himself from the carcass of his SUV.

I rushed on the latter to help him get up before feeling my heart again jump a beat in panic at the sight of the Soldier advancing towards us again. The Shield men in the Hummer hurried to join him, letting me swear under my breath.

However, my gaze turned to the Soldier. It was the first time I had a clear view of him since that famous day on the roof. Ignoring the frightening sight of the metal arm, I could once again see this famous muzzle on the lower part of his face. A pair of goggles covered his empty gaze. Dark, thin, greasy hair descended to his chin as he was covered with his head at the feet of tactical clothing with a utility outfit was similar to the tactical team flanking his sides but different at the same time. In a way, his outfit made him even more terrifying. _As if the huge metal arm was not enough._

One of the men gave him a kind of gun as he closed the gap between him and our little group. I felt Sam's grip on my arm just before being remove in time from the firepower.

_It was a freaking launcher of grenade.  
_

I just had time to get up just to see a grenade hit the shield, letting me scream for the soldier behind him as he was protected from the bridge we were standing on.

My gaze was quick to catch a mass of red hair before feeling a new pair of arms around me to cushion our fall. Almost instantly, a semi-automatic rain opened fire on us. I immediately took cover behind one of the abandoned cars while feeling my belt for my 9mm just to pause at the sight of Natasha coming out with some kind of gadget to protect us from the blast.

I scanned the air looking for Sam just to see him take cover behind one of the abandoned cars. I stooped down as one of the lost bullets failed to touch me before calling for the dark-skinned man. "Sam !"

"I'm okay!" He exclaimed, waving his hand to signal us to leave. "I got this! Get out of here!"

Natasha immediately rushed at me with a kind of return belt before hanging the automatism around her waist."We have to get out of this bridge."

"No shit Sherlock!" I cried over gunshots as I turned to blindly pull the heap in the hope of occupying them. Natasha immediately gave me a scathing look at my unwanted sarcasm. I nodded, glancing over my shoulder to make sure the lane was clear before I jumped on a run to the edge of the deck beside the redhead. I glanced on the ground with a ball down my throat."Now what ?"

"Hang on!" The redhead ordered as she clung to me with all her might before tipping us overboard.

I let out a cry to the movement before I felt my heart rise in my chest at the sight of the ground approaching little by little of us. Natasha was the first to touch the ground safely, letting me take into account the safety thread cushioning our fall before making sure not to stumble once on the ground.

I would run under the bridge for the cover before scanning my surroundings somewhat disoriented. I was not long in seeing an overturned bus that was crashed into by an electrical truck and I saw people helping each other out of the bus.

I felt a sigh of relief escape me as I saw a mass of blond hair helping a wounded person get out. _He was safe and sound. Beaten but alive._

I did not know the sound of weapons and detonations as I rushed on Steve. "Hey!"

"What are you doing here?" He asked, clearly worried.

"We must get out of here!" I shouted over the sound of an explosion above us.

"No, _you_ get out of here!" He objected as he helped another injured person."You have to go to a shelter."

I widened my eyes in disbelief at what he was proposing before simply ignoring what he was telling me as I flanked his side to help him."I wouldn't go anywhere."

"You need to go!" Steve insisted as he suddenly left the side of the bus to join me with a quick step.

"Not without you!" I exclaimed seriously as I stared intently at him. The blond seemed to pick up for a moment at my word choice but he quickly resumed as he lowered his hands on my arms to try to make me give way.

I could feel my heart speeding up as I lowered my eyes for a moment on his lips before returning my gaze to his azure eyes. He had never looked at me that way before but I could see what he was trying to convey. He was worried. And I therefore.

_But I was not going to waste another minute. I knew he would stop at nothing to get me out of this mess._

Reacting purely by instinct, I suddenly climbed on the tips of my feet before putting my hand on the back of his neck to draw him to me with force. Our lips met full whips in a hasty kiss all but perfect but it was enough for me. I leaned my head slightly to the side to avoid his nose before trying to pour all the emotions in this kiss.

Much too early for my taste, I withdrew by supporting his gaze still a little breathless before giving him a look. His eyes were still wide and his lips slightly ajar under the shock of our kiss. I licked my lips in an attempt to catch my breath before detaching me reluctantly. A sharp gunfire broke almost instantly our moment letting me look around me in panic.

I looked up at him seriously before pointing at him. "You stay alive no matter what."

"Only if you get out of here!" He shouted over another detonation.

I narrowed my lips before spotting Natasha with her two guns up to the bridge. I went out with my 9mm again to help her despite the fog still darkening my mind. I tried to ignore the tingle of my lips leaving by the delicious aroma of Steve before seeing the passers-by risking in the crossfire. I waved my arms and shouted for safety before planting myself next to the redhead.

"I thought Steve told you to run!" Natasha yelled out in between rounds. She just seemed to establish a fact that let me continue shooting at her side to bring her a cover.

"And miss all the fun?" I cried in my turn, avoiding the bullets of the fast machine gun of the soldier."Plus, he's already tried to kill me. I survived ! Why not try a fifth time!"

"In this case, I advise you to run!" She exclaimed, letting go of her empty guns before starting a race across the street.

I bent my head before I started following her. I could feel this good old adrenaline coursing through my veins as I pumped my strength on my legs to put as much distance as possible between us and the man.

Navigating my way between the cars and the people standing in our path, I was trying to keep up with Natasha. It was enough to remind me how careless I have been about physical exercise in recent months. I should have seriously prepared myself. Again, did I plan to find myself in this fucking shit from the beginning? Well, maybe. No matter, if I survived this attack, I promised myself to get in shape.

The sound of the gun seemed hardly diminishing during our race however, I was not slow to see Natasha slow down at the end of the second intersection. I noticed Natasha taking cover behind one of the cars letting me do the same. I leaned against the Tesla in the hope of catching my breath before reaching for my gun to check the rest of my ammunition.

I put my charger back in its room before calling Natasha over my shoulder."I'm running out of bullets! It's not going to be enough to hold this guy! He's a fucking machine!"

"I'll distract him, you'll stay low and behind the cars!" She ordered me letting me scoff despite myself."Dan, said you understood!"

_I hated being useless. I had been in the fucking army for God's sake. I knew how to defend myself._

Unfortunately, I could not really answer as Natasha took my silence as a good diversion. Even before I could say anything, she took the opportunity to disappear letting me throw myself against the car in frustration. Even though the redhead had the gift of exasperating me, I could not let her face this killer on her own. I cared for her at some stretch and I could not let her run to her death.

A loud explosion made me jump before looking at the side of the car just to see and hear the sound of fire being replaced by the cries of passersby, car horns and fast footsteps of people running for shelter.

Just like that, another explosion rang out, leaving my eyes wide as I watched another car explode. It was obviously the cue for Natasha as she jumped on the hood of a car to wrap her legs around the neck of the man with the metal arm. She added a sort of garrote to assure her a total gain on her opponent letting me lift my weapon. I shot one bullet, then another, and another, quickly attracting the attention of the assassin. The latter was faster as he avoided each of my bullets before pinching his hand of skin between the garrote and his throat to stop Natasha from winning the upper hand. I continued my onslaught uncovered as the duo continued to struggle for dominance.

Even though I knew he was the wrong guy; I could not help but feel that strange feeling again as he suddenly looked up at me through his fight. He had the same look as the first time. As if he seemed to cry out for release and I almost thought I saw a release in his hand blocking the garrote.

Unfortunately, he seemed to regain full control of his abilities as he stepped back into one of the cars to hit Natasha out of him. He managed to throw her out of him as she was slammed against one of the cars across the street before lying on the floor. She threw one of her electrifying chips on the Soldier's arm before rushing towards me in panic. Her vain struggle with the soldier had finally come to the end of her.

I did not hesitate for a moment to follow her in pursuit as I tried to avoid again panicked passersby. I did not know the raw voice of Natasha shouting at people to get out of her way. People running all around us, trying to find a shelter from the killing machine chasing us.

A shot rang out making me immediately stop in my tracks just to widen my eyes as I realized that Nat and I had been separated.

However, I was quick to widen my eyes further as my choice turned to the man with the metal arm stalking on me.

"Oh shit!" I gasped as I pulled the rest of my bullets as a diversion before rushing under the cover of a car on my left.

I let out a cry in spite of myself as I could hear his running pace picking up speed before hearing the car on which I was, sinking under his weight alerting me of his proximity.

At the last second, he noticed Steve approaching and he turned to him to strike his shield with his metal arm. The metal against metal echoed around us letting me catch my breath before straightening up in panic at the gun deal.

I noticed the soldier reaching for the gun on his back while Steve moved to the other side of his shield by keeping it up for protection. Then he saw an opportunity to attack. He launched his shield with all his might and looked at the fallen weapon from the soldier's hands. He did not lose a moment as he pulled out another handgun from his thigh holster before starting to shoot again. Regardless of Steve's testing, he always had another weapon prepared.

Steve managed to hit him in the face before disarming him. They started a hand-to-hand combat in which neither seemed to get the upper hand. The arm of metal gave him a considerable advantage as I watched him with a grimace as he hit Steve in the guts before grabbing the shield. He hit Steve in the face again with his hold on the shield. He blocked Steve's attacks with his shield before throwing him in the air. Steve caught himself by making a backward somersault to lighten the impact of the blow.

The soldier threw his shield as a sign of attack rather than defense as Steve used it most of the time. I held a cry as I almost missed beheading before looking with a wide look at the sight of the shield embedded in the rear doors of a truck.

It seemed to catch Steve's eye for a moment before he was loading the soldier again with a different motivation. He had to keep the fight away from Dan.

Unfortunately, the man quickly pulled a knife out of his belt. He turned it between his fingers in impatience before launching again to Steve. He tried to avoid the sharp blade. Even since the serum, Steve had never encountered a fight as even. No matter who this man was, he had to have serum in him.

Flipping the knife into the air, the man caught it after swinging to the punch Steve and then bringing it back down to stab him. Steve managed to block it before swinging his fist in his abdomen. He barely moved. He seemed barely affected by the slightest of his blows. He was a real machine. He grabbed the hand holding the knife only to have the man using his metal arm to force him to let go. He tried to cut him again, letting Steve narrowly avoid it.

Finally, Steve was able to land in a right hook, making his head snap to the side. He continued with a kick well placed in the guts, sending him backward before taking in a sprint. He jumped in the air to give himself more point of impact before trying to hit him in the face. The soldier immediately brought his foot to block him.

They continued to fight each other in a merciless fight. Steve gradually lost control when the soldier grabbed his throat with the metal arm. He began to crush his airpipe before he forced him to let go. He pulled him closer to him before throwing him back. He hit a window of the car on which he had landed.

_No matter who he was, he was beginning to gain the upper hand._

Another knife was added in the mix and Steve fought again to avoid each of his attacks. Suddenly, he used the metal arm to let Steve avoid the blow again before picking up the soldier around his waist. Throwing himself to the ground, Steve was able to flip the man over him before grabbing his shield embedded in the truck. He scans the air looking for Dan before making a stop at the sight of the brunette across the street.

He avoided his blows more efficiently but that did not prevent the soldier from attacking him again. Steve turned the soldier so that he could block the blows of his metal arm with his shield before quickly moving the shield under the arm of metal so it hit him in the face.

Using this distraction, Steve turned around, reaching behind him before grabbing his mask. He used it as a lever to get him over his shoulder. The man fell on the ground with his arm around him to cushion his fall before quickly back on his feet.

The mask fell from his face, falling between the two great soldiers. Steve got ready for the next attack, only a man's gaze over his shoulder was enough for Steve to feel his whole world stop.

Standing upright, his jaw dropped slightly in shock. His chest rose heavily in response to the previous fight and now to the sight in front of him.

_The man who had tried to kill him. The one who had tried to kill Dan many times, the man who was Hydra's asset, the man who grew up with him, and the man who had died seventy years ago._

"Bucky?" Steve whispered breathlessly; his brows furrowed in confusion. There was no way he was right, and yet he knew he was the same man he once knew. Except that the man in front of him had a stone expression, his lips settle in a thin line and a deadly look.

A heavy, tense silence followed his question as the man seizes him with a blank stare.

"Who the hell is Bucky?" He asked with a sudden change in his features before pulling out his last available gun. But before he could use it, Sam flew into the sky before hitting him on the ground.

Steve could only look in shock and silence as Bucky climbed to his feet. He was frozen on the spot as he watched Bucky fire a new weapon in his direction.

However, he was not slow in coming out of his bubble as a detonation suddenly appears between them. He leaned over to avoid firing over his head before he watched a car exploding a little further. It was the ideal distraction for the Soldier or Bucky for Steve as he disappeared from the view.

At the new detonation, I came out of my hiding just to meet Natasha's exhausted gaze leaning against the side of a truck. Her sympathetic eyes were riveted on Steve leaving me to change my sights on the blond. The latter seemed totally out of character as he exchanged a silent glance with Natasha before looking at where the soldier once stood. For some reason, I could almost sense disappointment on Steve's face making me frown in confusion.

Unfortunately, I was not long in returning to the reality of the siren agreement cutting through the heavy silence. I jumped at my observation at the same time as Steve just to see an armed black SUV making its way at full speed towards us. They avoided the debris and the deserted cars before stopping abruptly before us. Very quickly, a whole team of armed men in similar clothes of the Soldier looted from the back of the truck, letting me back off in spite of myself in a flight instinct. They were Shield.

"Get on your knees! Get on your knees!"Shouted a man at the head of the group.

_A man I would recognize among a thousand. Brock Rumlow._

He quickly passed Steve with his gun pulled over me, leaving my hands up in spite of me as a sign of surrender. I hated this feeling and frankly part of me wanted to push a fight. However, he had the firepower and I had not survived their entire attack for nothing.

I slid to the ground on my lap before looking for the rest of the group. I noticed Steve was forced to the ground while Sam was forced to move towards the center of the street. One of the members grabbed Natasha leaving Rumlow to take care of my case as he suddenly grabbed my two arms behind my back to control me.

I refused him the satisfaction of showing my pain at his sudden gestures and threw him a sharp look over my shoulder as he was handcuffing me."Whatever your kinks, you can keep them."

"Shut up and move on!" He hissed, pulling the handcuffs around my wrists and pulling me hard at my feet.

He passed me to another member of the team before pushing me to the waiting van. I glanced at our losing group just to feel my throat tighten as Rumlow pointed his gun at Steve's head.

However, the latter seemed barely shaken by the show of force as he let himself be handcuffed with a vacant look in his eyes. As if he were once again diving into one of his memories of the past.

_In a memory of another life._


	40. Dead men tell no tales

_"Dead Men tell no tales." Pirates of Caribbean _

* * *

One thing I was sure of at the time was that I was starting to lose patience with the SHIELD. I was obviously already aware of their minimum respect for human life. After all, their fucking project was enough to illustrate my words.

_And now we were at their mercy._

I held a long sigh as I tried to make myself a little more comfortable despite the handcuffs biting into my skin. I tilted my pelvis forward as I leaned my head against the hard surface of the SUV. All this with special care for Natasha. As I had supposed, the redhead had taken a bullet during the fight with the Winter Soldier. The latter seemed very well on the verge of losing consciousness at the speed at which she was losing blood.

I knew that all too well, shoulder injuries were probably the worst. I could feel my own scar waking up at the mere sight of the pain on Nat's face. I swallowed in worry before glancing at Sam. The latter was already staring at me, trying to find the plausible wounds before crossing my eyes. He gave a brief nod to the two guards dressed in tactical gear to watch us. I narrowed my lips, shaking my head very slightly.

_We could take them. It was not the first time we were in this kind of situation.  
_

Unfortunately, it only took a glance at my neighbor to realize what had been under my eyes since the arrest. Something was happening with him. Steve stared at the floor; his eyes was as if he had just seen a ghost and he could very well have it.

"It was him." He finally said, keeping his eyes on the van floor making me frown as I shared a confused look with Sam before glancing back at him."He looked right at me like he didn't know me."

I felt a little shuddered at the depth of his guilty voice. _Right. Bucky_. It turned out that I was still a little too shocked to fully understand the implication. _The Winter Soldier was actually ... yeah, that sounded fucking impossible. Fate really had a funny way to fuck with us._

Sam gave me a new, knowing look before turning his attention to Steve."How is even that possible?" I swallowed, watching the blond beside me in nervousness. "It was, like, seventy years ago."

"Zola." Steve explained, finally lifting his head in the realization. "Bucky's whole unit was captured in forty-three. Zola experimented on him. Whatever he did helped Bucky survive the fall. They must have found him and…" He dragged eyes over me forcing me to look away since I knew more than Steve about the fate of his buddy.

_If only he knew all that he had undergone at the hands of his sensors. All the barberries and the inhumanity of these fuckers._

"None of that's your fault, Steve." Natasha said in a monotone voice since I seemed unable to do that for the blond.

Unsurprisingly, he could hardly believe her as he turned his eyes to the van floor."Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky."

I did not need to have spent more time with Steve to know that he had just stepped into an unavoidable spiral of guilt. And guilt that knew me.

Unfortunately, I had a more urgent concern right now as I was putting my eyes on Natasha again. The latter was pale and seemed barely able to keep her eyes open.

"Hey, Nat, stay with me!" I called, tapping her foot slightly with the tip of my shoe. The redhead jumped slightly before flashing her eyes through her haze of pain.

That made Sam react as he was turning to the guards at once with aggression."We need to get a doctor here. If we don't put pressure on that wound, she's gonna bleed out here in the truck."

Unsurprisingly, the two guards remained impassive, letting me check my jaw in indignation. Even worse, one of them suddenly pulled out a cattle prod towards Sam. I leaned forward immediately in defense despite my position as the sound of electricity filled the small space.

However, what I did not expect was the next action of the guard as he abruptly turned to the other for shoved the cattle prod in the other guard sitting beside. I jumped as the rest of the group as I watched the guard fall cold. I quickly shifted my eyes to the always-aware guard simply to release a deep sigh of relief as he pulled off his helmet to reveal a familiar face.

"God, that thing was squeezing my brain." Maria fucking Hill.

"Oh lord, you couldn't have done that earlier?"

Maria gave me a flat look at my request before pointing at Sam with an arched eyebrow."Who's this guy?"

The next few minutes were accelerated for me. One-minute Hill explained the situation and the second after Steve began to concoct a flight plan with her. She seemed to have a plan already prepared but I was more focused on Natasha. She seemed barely listening to the plan as she threw her head against the wall.

It was only when I felt handcuffed hands that I was returning to the land of the living simply to meet Steve's azure gaze. Except that he hardly seemed to see me. He had this expression as if he were anywhere except in the van with us. And he seemed only focus to our escape. I was trying to catch his eye if only to reassure him of his condition but he seemed to continue in his isolation.

Realizing I would get nothing from him in his condition, I turned my eyes to Hill with the blatant smell of heat cutting the metal. A huge hole now littered the floor of the Van leaving my eyes wide open in the realization of their plan. I looked at the streets under the van with my narrowed lips before looking up at Sam. He was already moving as he leaned toward the hole.

"I'll go first. Then Sam and then Nat and Danae. Steve will close the march." Maria announced, letting me moisten my lips in apprehension.

This was not the worst flight plan I had come up with during my years of experience but it was also not the safest plan. I still thought it was better than being at the mercy of Hydra.

"Alright, let's go guys." Maria instructed as the Van slows to a halt."The timing is tight."

Maria was the first to move, instructing others to do the same as I bent over watching the brunette sneak into the hole. Once out of the sight, Sam hastily gathered his wing bag before giving me a knowing look."We see each other on the other side." I nodded as he slid down the hole before giving way to Natasha. My turn soon arrived, letting me get up trying to stay upright in the moving van. I eyed the hole critically before feeling a hand on my forearm. I took a look at Steve just to meet his distant gaze. He forced a small smile on his lips but I could see it was forced. I tried to give it back before sinking into the hole before rolling on my stomach to cushion my fall. I held a grunt as I felt the van pass over me before I felt Sam's presence hovering over me.

I helped myself from the ground to get up before seeing a van waiting for us across the street. I shared a look with Sam before glancing nervously over my shoulder to see Steve making his own way out of the van.

I was walking towards the van as Hill opened the back door before pausing at the sight of the familiar face welcoming us."Jay?"

"Damnit it, Dimarco! You look like shit!" He declared as I settled beside him still in shock at his presence alongside Hill.

I watched the rest pile up in the back as Jay told us that Hill was going to take us to a secure location. Finally, Steve also seemed to be aware of Jay's presence, allowing him to give a confused look between the detective and me.

I shrugged my shoulders still puzzled before finally exploding."The fuck is going on?"

"Well, it's a funny story ..."

"Everything will be explained once we are in a safe place." Hill responded to Jay's cutting spot in his early explanation.

I frowned on the duet before just shaking my head clearly too tired to worry at this point. I did not really have the strength to undergo another revelation at this stage. I was still under the effect of Steve's revelation earlier and I was sure I had more cuts along my body. I could see the hole in my jeans and jacket caused by my accident and I could already imagine another one about to go out. My body was definitely under a steamroller. Nevertheless, I was quite satisfied with my fate. For once, I was not the one in danger. Unlike Natasha who was almost about to faint.

I moved quickly through the van to join her side before setting my sights on the blood spurting of the hole of her leather jacket.

The redhead tilted her head to the side in exhaustion before struggling to hold my gaze. "What does it look like?"

"Well, let's say I can say goodbye to this leather jacket." I grimaced as I tried to pull the jacket to have a better look before lifting my hands at the agreement of her groan."Right, we have to stop the bleeding."

I reacted quickly on instinct as I opened my jacket before tearing a piece off my plaid. I rolled it in a ball before leaning it on Nat's injury despite her grunt. I could not really do better at the moment. Natasha gave me an almost imperceptible little nod as I was busy keeping the piece of tissue against her wound before giving a nervous glance to the redhead.

All this time, I was totally unaware of Steve's guilty look as he seemed to be out of his trance simply to realize the state in which I was.

Steve had been so caught in Bucky's revelation that he did not even take the time to worry about Dan. She had not received a bullet like Natasha but she was pretty banged up like the rest of them. And he had not even been there to protect her or even ask her how she was doing. Her body was covered with cuts and he could see some burning along her side where she had slipped on the ground of the highway. There were some scratches along her chin and a cup now adorned her right eyebrow. A thin line of dried blood ran down her temple.

Another brick of guilt settled in the bottom of his stomach. Everything seemed to be falling on him without giving him time to breathe for just one moment. He had failed so many people. First Bucky, and then Dan and there was always the threat of the Helicarriers hovering above their heads. He was far from being like that star that Dan had said he would become one day.

The van soon stopped, letting him immediately turn his attention to Dan, who was trying to support Natasha on her own. He got up immediately to help her before taking the majority of Nat's weight. He gave a glance and a nod to Dan to assure her that he had the situation in hand. The least he could do was give her a moment's respite. He had barely been there to help her earlier.

He followed the rest of the group into what appeared to be some kind of an underground warehouse. He could see Dan and Jay in a conversation in front of them and he had to leave his questions in the back of his mind again. He had been equally surprised at the sight of the detective. He had not really thought about him in the last days. He was more of a part of Dan's life and Jay did not really seem to like him.

He gave an anxious look at Natasha still surprised that she was still standing despite her condition. At this point he had been carrying her since she seemed barely able to walk.

Almost instantly, a man in a suit rushed on their group at their entrance leaving Maria shouting all sorts of orders regarding Nat's condition."One GSWs! Shoulder! Lost a pint! Maybe two!"

He was the same man who had operated Fury. He pointed to Natasha. "Let me take her."

"She'll want to see him first." Objected Hill letting the man nod his head before turning on his heels to guide their group down the hall.

They walked through a kind of vertical tunnel before going through plastic curtains simply to pause at the sight in front of them. In the recovery room installed, was Nick Fury in a bed in the middle of the room.

Steve was shocked as well as Dan who left her surprise in the open."Holy Shit!"

"About damn time." Fury declared, his tone exasperated.

"Here, I got her." Said the same man from earlier as he signed Natasha.

She pushed herself out of Steve before leaning on the man in the suit as he moved her to a workstation where he could handle her injuries. Steve watched her ascent before turning his attention in curiosity about the man who was supposed to be dead in his apartment several nights ago.

After a moment of silence, Dan took it again on her to point the man in bed in disbelief."You should be dead."

"Yeah, damn feel like it." Fury greeted hoarsely with a nod."Laceral spinal column, crack sternum, shattered collarbone, perforated liver, one hell of a headache-"

"Don't forget your pneumothorax." The doctor said, pulling the bullet off Natasha's shoulder.

I gave a barely impressed look at the man with glasses before returning my eyes to Fury at his intervention. "Otherwise, I'm good."

"They cut you open. Your heart stopped." Intervened Natasha visibly concerned by the fate of the man before us. Personally, I was still trying to come to terms with the fact that he was still alive.

"Tetrodotoxin B." Informed Fury glancing at the spy."Slow the pulse to one beat a minute. Banner developed it for stress. Didn't work so great for him."He immediately turned his head in my direction, letting me raise my eyebrows."Thanks to Danae, we found a use for it."

"Me?" I exclaimed, pointing my chest in confusion and nervousness as I glanced at Steve.

At the sight of his tight jaw, I turned my eyes to Hill at her intervention. "You discovered that the director was the next target of the Winter Soldier. It allowed us to prepare."

I shook my head in the realization before pleating my lips in hesitation as I could feel the weight of Steve's intense gaze on my profile.  
"Why the secrecy?" Steve asked after giving me a look, letting me immediately lift my eyes to glance between Fury, Maria and Steve."Why not just tell us?"

"Any attempts on the director's life had to look successful." Maria informed as she turned to Steve.

"Okay, if you already did besides, I wasn't sure who to trust."Fury made me look away just to meet Jay's gaze.

The latter grimaced at the sight of my expression before mimicking a '_sorry' _in my direction. I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms over my chest. _It's not difficult for to put two and two together now that I have all the cards in my hand_. Jay's sudden desire to find a withdrawal plan. His sudden disappearance and his insistence on not trusting appearances. He knew from the beginning the plan of Fury.

For some reason, he had trusted him to participate in this plan.

I shook my head before going to Natasha's side to look at the care tools at my disposal. I also had some injuries that I had to take care of myself.

Finding a pair of compresses, a suture and a needle on the board, I took the tools under the surprised eyes of the doctor as he immediately gave me a look."I could do it for you."

"The last person to sew me up pretended to be a nurse when she actually worked for the Shield." I told him flatly, ignoring Natasha's heavy look."I think I'll pass." I returned to the center of the room, passing Fury's bed, giving him a flat look."Your welcome by the way."

I sat on one of the beds separated by a divider before releasing a sigh to the feeling of my muscles relaxing somewhat. I leaned with my hands flat on either side, leaning my head to catch my breath before closing my eyes, letting me lull by the surrounding silence. It was definitely not what I had planned when I started this investigation. Everything seemed to be piling up as if destiny had decided to test our patience.

I let out a long sigh as I turned my head from side to side to try to soothe the tension along my shoulders before glancing sharply at the side to the agreement of the crinkle of the curtain.

I raised an eyebrow at the sight of clothes folded in his hands before going up along the arms to finally cross his azure gaze with an arched eyebrow."These are for me?"

"Yeah. I thought you could use a change of your torn clothes." Steve explained as he stepped closer to me before putting the stack of clothes on top of the bed.

I nodded, gauging him attentively since he seemed strangely tense with me for some reason."Where are all the others?"

"They get treated for their injuries." He assured."You could have waited for your turn to make you check."

I left a small smile of my own to his underdog before installing the various tools I was going to need on the side."I can do it myself. It's nothing that I have not already had to face."

I was reaching for the buttons of my plaid shirt looking more like nothing at this point before I started removing it without really paying attention to Steve's presence. On the other hand, he immediately widened his eyes before turning his eyes to the side."Uh, I should ..."

"It's just a bra, Steve." I recollected with a slight smile at the sight of the flush of redness along his cheeks.

However, that was enough to remind me of an important point that had been left behind with the latest events. I wrinkled my lips as I removed my shirt completely before grimacing at the sight of the flesh swollen of my abdomen. Several scratches adorned my skin and some point was bright red from the warm-up brought by my slipping on the floor. I stuck my lower lip between my teeth to hold a hissing sound before dipping a compress with alcohol.

I brought the latter to my side before releasing a groan despite myself as I leaned over my free arm.

It seemed enough to alert Steve as he immediately rushed at me ignoring my condition half naked."You okay?"

"A kiss would be good." I hesitated before feeling my throat dry out as the blond froze. I felt my heart fall in my chest in realization."Or not. Right, it was silly. I shouldn't have-you know what ?" I took a deep breath before I shrug my shoulder. "Forget it. Yeah, let's just… forget."

I released my grip on my compress as I tried to avoid his look in shame at his rejection. I tried to ignore the feelings darkening my mind as I took a bandage before feeling my limbs freeze with the feel of a hand on my thigh.

I slowly returned my eyes to this hand before I followed the muscular arm attached to it until I again met Steve's intense gaze."I'm sorry, Dan. I wanted ... no, I want ... I assure you I want... but you caught me off guard."

"Right, it was probably insensitive on my part." I realized with a small, relieved smile at the sight of the blush along his cheeks. Nevertheless, I was still a little nervous."I mean, I did not even really ask you for permission earlier and ... I just expect ... whatever."

Steve was again overwhelmed by guilt as he realized he did not really have to rethink their kiss on this road. It was rushed and in the heat of the action but it was a real kiss in which Dan had poured out all her feelings. It was definitely a kiss he had to remember. Even more now that he thought about it, he just could not help but look at her lips. Part of him was somewhat self-conscious since it had been awhile since he had kissed a woman. Worse, Dan definitely knew what she was doing. This kiss on the road was a good overview.

Nevertheless, he could not start again without clarifying things between them."So ... you kissed me." He had to hold the slight smirk on his lips.

"Seems like it." Admit Dan with a shrug of her shoulders before giving him a knowing look."And I don't think I heard you complain."

"I was an innocent victim." Defend Steve giving Dan another small smile. He was clearly unaware of the feelings he was creating in her. She was about to feel her heart explode in her chest.

"You little motherfucker!" Dan breathed in an amused laugh, letting Steve smile more proudly. He tilted his head with a small grin curving his lips before raising his eyes on Dan at the sensation of his dry throat."So ... what are you going to do now?"

He raised his eyebrows at the sight of the spark in her warm brown eyes suddenly darker. It was the first time he saw this expression on her face and it was definitely a new view he could get used to. Forgetting the latest events to bathe in this pure moment of peace, Steve gently removed his hand from her thigh to rest it on her cheek. He brought her face closer to his, leaning her face a little before taking a break as he let his eyes travel between her lips and her anticipating brown eyes. The sight of his long dark eyelashes and the warm breath dragging on the arch of her lips made her mad with impatience. Nevertheless, she tried to remain motionless to allow him to take the first step.

He kissed her for a moment on the lips holding their position without moving simply to appreciate the contact. It was totally different from their first kiss and so much more precious. They took their time to get to know each other's taste. She had a salty and slightly fruity taste despite their condition and he could once again feel all her feelings poured into kissing.

He pulled out for a moment to allow them to catch their breath before reconnecting their lips. He let his hand slide down her neck, her shoulder before resting on her bare hip. He had never really had a practice before but it seemed like a good thing if he trusted Dan's reaction.

As they continued their kiss, he felt Dan spread her thighs to allow him the place before pulling at him by squeezing his shirt in her fist. He took her jaw with his free hand to deepen their kiss, he only worked with his guts at this stage. He felt her legs curl around him sending him onto a brand-new bridge of excitement. He felt her hands travel through his hair before she suddenly pulled away, letting him catch his breath with difficulty, opening his eyes to gauge her with wonder and a slight frown. He hoped he did not exceed a limit.

"Wow." She breathed breathlessly before leaning her head back to look at him with a small smile. She put her hands on his face to force him to look at her."If I had known, I would have kissed you much earlier, Rogers."

He gave her a little grin and nodded as she laid down the curvature of his jaw with attention. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and gave her a sheepish smile. "It was okay?"

"Mhm-mhm."She said, nodding her head before moving forward slightly to steal a kiss. However, she retreated at the last moment with a false thoughtful expression."Thought I can be skewed because you know… I think… I like you." Steve felt his breath get stuck in his throat at her admission giving Dan a new smile. "Like a lot."

"I like you too." Admitted Steve with a shy smile.

"Good because it would be really embarrassing if it was not shared." Dan nodded as she put her hands on his shoulders before crossing her hands around his neck. Her smile soon gave way to a more serious look."I did not want to hurry you in anything. Especially with the latest ... events. But I'm glad I made you smile."

He gave her a sad smile as she played absently with the small hair at the beginning of his neck before giving a side look at the medical equipment at her disposal. Steve followed her gaze before stepping back into the realization. He took the antiseptic ointment by himself before taking a critical look at her skinned flank. Once again, he felt a pique of guilt for not being present as he applied a generous hazelnut on the compress between his hands.

Dan held back a sigh as she stood on his shoulder to stay steady before watching his long fingers work along her side. Once the wounds were disinfected, he wrapped a band along her middle before helping her with the rest of her wounds along her body.

All this in a strangely calm and peaceful silence despite the thoughts occupying their minds. For now, they would be lulled by the feelings they felt for each other.

Eventually, Steve and Dan managed to get through all her wounds, letting Dan get out of the bed before throwing her interest on the stack of clothes Steve had previously brought her. Steve made the effort to look away as she reached the button of her jeans before feeling his heart accelerate in spite of him as he heard the said jeans fallen to the ground.

Deciding to distract himself, he left in the open air what was on his mind."So ... I think I really have bad timing." At Dan's laughter agreement, he realized that hearing her undressing was perhaps not so embarrassing. Nevertheless, he continued to dig his hole."But I think I really wish I could talk to you once it's over." He swayed absently on his heels with his hands in his pockets as Dan pulled on her new leggings."I'm thinking of going to the Smithsonian to get my uniform with Natasha and Sam. But I want to talk to you afterwards."

He did not really want to put Dan so quickly in danger after what happened. Damn, if it were up to him, he would go alone. Natasha looked barely fit and he knew Sam was important to Dan. He could not really let him hurt himself. Not to mention that detective Khallahan had apparently hinted that he had things to discuss with Dan.

He felt her hand on his bicep as she pulled him to face her before giving him a teasing look."You want to talk. I think I understood." She surprised him again as she knotted her hand with hers with a slight frown."I'm not really great with feelings. You know that. But I don't want to wait anymore. I'm not going anywhere. At least, not without you."

Steve leaned over to Dan to place a chaste kiss on her forehead with his hand on the back of her head to keep her close to him. It was exactly like 1945 again. He felt like he was running out of time. Everything seemed to be chained to prevent him from getting what he really wanted.

Once again, he was going to have to put his side desires to correct what had to be corrected. It was who he was and he was sincerely grateful for having Dan by his side. He knew they still had a lot to discuss but she was understanding and it made the task of leaving her even more difficult for him.

Finally, it's her who broke their embrace as she stepped back on her feet to drop a kiss on his lips before giving him an encouraging smile."C'mon, star spangled-man with a plan. I can't wait to see the costume of the time."

I watched Steve leave the divider with a small smile before quickly feeling an anxious frown regain possession of my features. I walked straight to the bed where my torn clothes lay before leaning against it to try to put my thoughts back in order.

To confess my feelings and keep a strong forehead in front of Steve was more taxing than I had imagined. Although I did not regret having clarified the situation between us, I was always full of questions about our evolution. I did not even know what I really wanted. It was above all a whim in the moment. All I knew was that we could have died, and it was always a subject in question, and I wanted to say my feelings before I lost that chance.

"Okay, what did I hear about my baby!" Jay suddenly exploded through the divider forcing me to get up in a rush. I hastened to compose my serious expression in sarcasm before giving him a bored look, always annoyed by his lack of honesty.

"Sorry if I was currently pursued by a lobotomized psychotic who turned out to be the best friend of the guy that-" I stopped myself in realization before giving him an impatient look."It doesn't matter. Call us even."

He winced at my tone as he stepped further into the room before signing my face in general."Why aren't you all ... you know. You've just spent more than fifteen minutes with Cap so ... and I'm going to stop talking." He winced at my death glare again before changing his feet."So, how are you feeling?"

"What do you think ?" I replied flatly before grimacing again as I stretched my side in spite of myself. "Damnit, do you even know what I've been through in the last days? Where were you, Jay?"

The brown winced in guilt before lowering his tone in an excuse."I know, I know. I wanted to talk to you about it but the one-eyed man was too paranoid. Here, I brought coffee." He handed me the cup as evidence, letting me succumb to temptation as I hurriedly took a sip of the sweet nectar."So, you forgive me? "

I relished at the sweet sensation along my taste buds before giving Jay an eager look. The latter displayed a sheepish expression letting me roll my eyes before looking around."So, you've been locked up here all this time."

"Pretty much." The brown nodded as he gave me a sign in the direction of the divider letting me follow him, taking another sip of my coffee."There is not much to do but ... uh-"

"He was a real plague in my backside." Entered a familiar voice making me raise a single eyebrow at the sight of Fury now standing with a cup of coffee similar to mine."One more day of his endless line of pickups and Hill would be reported to have committed murder."

I supported his gaze with a touch of pettiness in my tone."Only after a few days? I support him for years."

"I'm afraid the patience of my agent is a little more limited in this case." Fury replied with a small smirk at my impetuosity. He sat on the same chair where Natasha was earlier before pointing at me with his cup."Nevertheless, it was the least I could do. After all, your little heads-up is what really saved my life. Without you, I probably would not be in this world anymore."

"You have a very personal way of thanking the people who save your life." I bitterly recalled as I leaned against the nearby wall. "Why prevent Jay and leave me in the wild? You know how many of your former agents I had on my back since your so-called death? And I don't even talk about Steve's reaction when he learned the truth. He's calms now but you don't know how pissed he was before."

The click of the plastic curtains sounded reminding me of Jay's presence as he gave me a small, amused smile at the sight in front of him.

_It was probably amusing to see a civilian like me giving the Shield director the third degree._

"I knew you could do very well on your own." He objected with puzzling confidence before giving Jay a look as if he knew something I did not know. "When it came to Captain Rogers, I knew he could not go on being angry with you. He has always been much smarter than that." I left a scoff at his choice of virtuous word for the super soldier before checking my jaw as he continued."I already told you that you remind me of my past. And after the last days, I'm sure you count in my closest allies, Dimarco."

I ran my tongue along my teeth in reflection as I supported his gaze to measure the truth of his words before uncrossing my arms from my chest as I pushed myself from the wall on which I was leaning.

"Let's hope this alliance will be enough to stop Hydra."


	41. Made for the battle

_"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." Viktor Frankl_

* * *

After our little heart to heart, Fury had led me into a room a little more enlightened than the kind of torture room in which we had found him. It was in this same room that Jay had given me a brief overview of these last days. I had also made a brief summary for the good of the whole team since Hill had also joined us at some point. Thus, I could see for myself how much Jay's behavior afflicted the agent. It had the gift of making me smile as I could Jay's incessant attempts.

_He was persevering, I had to give him that._

Another fact I had learned was sharing our information. Jay had apparently given all of our research to Fury on the Winter Soldier. A fact that had the gift of making me uncertain. Although he was definitely on the safe side up to some extent. I was not sure I wanted to share this research.

I had seen or at least thought I saw a fight in his eyes during his fight with Romanoff and if he was the Bucky that Steve had talked to me so much he could still be there, under the area.

Unfortunately, my thoughts were soon to be pushed again like Steve, Natasha and Sam were not slow to join us in their turn. Fury did not lose a single moment to convene a small action meeting. We did not really have time to skimp after all.

"This man declined the Nobel Peace Prize." Announced Fury as he looked at a picture of himself and Secretary Pierce. "He said peace wasn't an achievement, it was a responsibility." He quoted before giving a sigh of disappointment. "See, it's stuff like this that gave me trust issues."

I left a bitter scoff as he threw the picture bluntly among the files already scattered on the table."It's only now you have problems of trust? His altruism should have already sounded the sirens of alarms."

"The bitch with trust issue is back everyone." Sing-song Jay swiveling on his chair to face the rest of the group gathered around the table. Steve was standing behind my chair with his hands on the back, Natasha took the next seat for Jay while Sam, Fury and Maria were on the other side.

I gave Jay a disdainful look before giving Natasha a look at her decisive intervention."We have to stop the launch."

"I don't think the Council's accepting my calls anymore." Objected Fury with a huff of laugh as he stepped toward the briefcase currently stored on the side of the table.

I did not really think about questioning the presence of this case or even really took into account its presence. I was more concerned about the impending threat hovering over our heads. I glanced at the three chips inside before giving a suspicious look at Fury as he signed the contents with a wave of his hand as if this were supposed to be the solution to all our problems.

"What is it?" I asked visibly ignorant of the technology stored in front of us.

"Safety nets." Jay answered quickly with a smile almost excited at having more knowledge than me on the subject. "Pretty cool, right?" I gave him a bored flat look, probably similar to most of the expressions on the faces of the others. Jay stepped back in his chair with a petulant pout."Tough crowd."

Maria who was not far from me rolled her eyes clearly accustomed to the actions of Jay now before taking care to explain us the use of these damn chips. "Once the helicarriers reach three thousand feet, they'll triangulate with Insight satellites, becoming fully weaponized." I looked suspiciously as she opened a portable similar to the chip design before turning the screen to our small group to show us a kind of video concept demonstrating her point.

"We need to breach those carriers and replace their targeting blades with our own. " Added Fury with a voice of certainty and let me take a look at the Shield's agent duo with a thoughtful look before I postpone eyes on the screen.

"One or two won't cut it. We need to link all three carriers for this to work, because if even one of those ships remains operational…"Hill paused with gravity before she dropped the bomb dramatically."A whole lot of people are gonna die. "

I gave Jay, Maria, and Fury a look of disbelief and slight irritation before shaking my head in indignation. "Now, it's those kinds of things that give me trust issues!"

"Dan-"

"No, no, don't Dan me!" I exploded, giving a scathing look at Jay challenging him to contradict me."You worked on this file with me. You know better than anyone what the Shield aka freaking Hydra did." I was taking a deep breath as I could feel the slight touch of Steve's hands on my shoulders before setting my sights on Fury."I told you that becoming omniscient was a bad idea."

Fury supported my gaze, straightening his shoulders to support my smoking gaze as he tried to explain himself. "And that's exactly why I decided to take a leap of faith involving two civilians. I'm sure it reminds you of something, right?"

"All you have done is making Dan an accomplice to your misdeeds and draw a target on her back." Steve intervened deadly seriously.

"Danae knew the risks. I think she had already advanced in this investigation without my help." Fury snapped, supporting Steve's gaze before shaking his head in annoyance. "But that's not the subject. We must focus on the Helicarriers." He gave a sharp look at our duet before continuing. "So, we have to assume everyone aboard those carriers is Hydra. We have to get past them, insert these server blades then maybe, just maybe we can salvage what's left-"

"We're not salvaging anything." Steve quickly interrupted him in disagreement. "We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick. We're taking down SHIELD."

"SHIELD had nothing to do with this." Objected again Fury pulling me a breath of cynical laughter. The man with the eye patch immediately turned to me just like the rest of the group.

"What? Don't look at me like that." I interceded by adjusting myself in my chair as I bent my leg before placing my arm on my knee close to my chest."Do you really hear you when you speak? When will you understand that SHIELD is freaking Hydra since the beginnining."

"I am not the enemy here."

"No, you just made it easier for them by approving this damn project." I answered without a shadow of a doubt.

A heavy silence fell on our little group during which I supported the dark look of Fury with my chin raised with confidence. I could feel Natasha's somewhat impressed look on my profile while Sam had the same damn smirk he already wore when I contradicted the orders of my superiors.

Finally it was Steve who broke the heavy silence with gravity. "SHIELD's been compromised. You said so yourself Hydra grew right under your nose and nobody noticed."

Fury lets a breath of laughter at the incessant jab thrown in his way as he pointed our surroundings.

"Why do you think we're meeting in this cave?" He leaned forward clearly weary of this argument. "I noticed."

"How many paid the price before you did?" Steve retorted more and more angry with the subject. I wrinkled my lips as I lowered my eyes on my fingers tapping absently on the table to distract myself from the argument.

For a moment I met Fury's tense gaze since I was so much at fault on this subject that I did not recognize his best friend. _I had accompanied him to the Museum for the love of God! I had seen the exhibition on Sergeant James Buchannan Barnes._

I swallowed as I remembered that Jay had found the Winter Soldier familiar. The tall brown at my side wore the same guilty and tense expression as he turned his attention to Fury at the agreement of his sigh.

"Look, I didn't know about Barnes."He admitted, signing Steve into defeat before throwing us under the bus."Dimarco and Khallahan either."

I jumped to my chair and pointed at him. "Hey! Don't you dare to put me in the same basket as you."

"It doesn't matter now!" Steve cut the argument acrimoniously before continuing bitterly."Even if you had, would you have told me ? Or would you have compartmentalized that, too ? Or better, you would simply ask Dan to lie to me."I swallowed as he let out a long sigh."SHIELD, Hydra. It all goes."

Unsurprisingly, Fury still seemed persistent about SHIELD's survival but he soon turned to each member around the table hoping for an extra vote in his favor. Unfortunately for him, I was against his organization from the beginning. Not to mention that I was on Steve's side, I was not going to make any decisions against his judgment. What really leaned in the balance was the approval of Hill, his second and then Natasha before stopping on Sam.

The latter was standing in a similar position to Steve with his hands on his hips as he nodded his head negatively. "Don't look at me. I was already following Dan before I knew you. And now, I do what he does, just slower."

"Well ..." Fury gave one last look at the group before stopping his gaze on Steve in defeat. "It looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain."

I immediately looked up at Steve in anticipation, letting me gaze with slight fascination and envy at the sight of his deadly serious face.

_Damn, what this man could do with my ovaries._

_Okay, focus!_

I put my eyes on the whole group in a hope to make me forget my little moment of weaknesses. Clearly, it was time to save the world from a global genocide.

* * *

After having planned the last little details, the whole group was separated. Steve was the first to step aside, letting me gauge his tense back and hunched shoulders with a deep frown.

However, Sam's sudden presence in the chair next to mine distracted me from my contemplative observation.

I looked with an arched eyebrow as he turned the chair to rest his arms crossed on the back before giving me an observant glance. "How are you feeling ? Nervous?"

"It's not about me that I'm worried." I said, glancing back at the tunnels in the hustle and bustle. I bit the inside of my cheek anxiously before giving a little sigh as I gave Sam a new look. "You don't have to do all that, you know. You have done more than enough. It's not your fight."

"Damn right, it is!" He replicated without a doubt before giving me a sharp look."These guys want to eradicate more than half of the planet. You can be damn sure I'm going to do something to stop them."

I let out a breath of laughter despite myself as I shook my head before giving him a deeply grateful look. "I don't even know why I'm trying to reason with you. You're just like him ..."

"Yeah, maybe." Sam gave me a solemn nod, then glanced between the tunnels over his shoulder and me with an arched eyebrow. "So ... you and-"

"It's complicated." I interrupted him immediately with a frustrated nod.

"It doesn't seem so complicated for me." He challenged seriously, letting me bite the inside of my cheek in hesitation. "Why aren't you going to talk to him?"

I shrugged my shoulders as I looked back at where he had previously disappeared before narrowing my lips seriously."I don't think it's the moment."I let a tired laugh this time."Actually, it seems like it's never the right time for us. "

A silence accompanied my statement, letting my eyes rest on my fingers, continuing their dance on the table. I watched them for a moment before transferring my thoughts to Sam's intervention.

"Did you really investigate his best friend? I mean ... this guy?"

"He wasn't really the same man anymore." I said, tilting my head to the side before nodding, recognizing my faults."But yes, I studied and read a lot of records about his best friend lobotomized by Hydra." I gave a deep sigh to my admission before giving him an uncertain look."You know ... I think he's fighting." Sam raised his eyebrows in the objection. "I'm sure I saw that look in his eyes. But I can't really say that to Steve without giving him false hope."

Sam narrowed his lips before leaning slightly to give me an uncertain look. "I don't think he's someone we can save Dan. He hardly remembers him."

"If it was Riley, could you do it?" I suggested with a rise in my eyebrows.

Sam took a deep breath before climbing out of the chair, letting me gauge him with a knowing look. He was fleeing the confrontation. I could not really blame him since it was still a sensitive subject. Myself, I did not even know how I would react if the situation occurred with Ben. I would probably feel even more guilty and probably disappointed with myself for trying to move on without him when he was in such a horrible situation. Even worse, I would feel pitiful for kissing Steve.

I swallowed at the mere thought before feeling a new weight of disgust settle on my shoulders.

_Was this really a good decision? Maybe this bad timing was a sign. Another reminder to remind us how bad it was.  
_

I let a single sigh in the realization before I climbed on my feet as I pushed the chair off the table. I could not really keep entertaining this type of thinking. It would only prove to me how much Steve and I were not done to finish together.

I was soon to fall on Romanoff currently in the process of disassemble and remount mechanically her 9mm. She seemed barely present as she practiced the task as a kind of mechanism deeply implanted in her veins. And with my knowledge about her, I was sure it was. She was a product of the Red Room after all.

It was also what allowed her to take me easy on my little act of stalker."You intend to look at me for a long time?"

"I don't know. Do you have something for me?"

In response, the redhead was content to slide a gun all along the table. The metal slipping on the metal echoed around us letting me approach the redhead to get it. I pulled a chair to the side before settling at the table to replicate the same expert gestures of Natasha. Except that I was a little less fast and carefree than the redhead.

Only ten minutes to work, Natasha decided to break the silence with a serious and deeply distracting question."You read my file. "

I paused in my handling of the weapon between my fingers as I slowly looked up at the former KGB spy. I met her deep gray-blue eyes and silently nodded in agreement.

Natasha looked back at her dismantling of her weapon before breaking the silence again in a whisper."Most people change after reading my file."

I took another break at her admission as I could suddenly see a slight crack in her mask before leaning against my chair resting my weapon.

I took a deep breath before giving a nervous look on the redhead in the realization. "How do you feel about becoming public?"

"I don't really have a choice." She said with a sidelong glance before nonchalantly shrugging her shoulders. "It will allow me to assume who I really am. I wouldn't really have any cover to hide myself anyway. "

I nodded in thought at her understated admission before resuming my disassembly.

"Maybe we can really have a drink together after all this." Natasha arched an eyebrow slightly amused by my humor attempt letting me give her a small smile. "Without having a motive hidden this time."

I could see her mask slipped again as she nodded with a smirk. "I could take you on this offer, Dimarco."

It seems that this was enough for us since we were not slow to return to our weapons without a word. This was how Steve soon found us as he leaned against the door with a slightly surprised look at our atypical duo.

"Hey!" It had the gift of getting our attention as Natasha and I raised our head in recognition. However, the redhead soon returned to her occupation as she noticed the look of Steve focused solely on me. "Do you think we can talk?"

I stiffened in spite of myself to his question before giving a nervous look at Natasha in hesitation. She looked up with a smirk on our duet."Oh, don't pay attention to me. I don't want to interrupt a precious moment."

"That's hilarious, Romanoff." I sarcastically commented as I jumped on my feet clearly uncomfortable. I passed Steve before turning on my heels to face him once in the next room. "I swear, this girl is definitely a plague." Steve barely managed to smile at my comment, letting me give him a more sensitive look. "Hey, how are you holding up? "

"I can manage." Steve answered immediately, shutting me down in nervousness. After all, he did not really have time to think about my involvement in the Bucky search, but with Fury's accusations and the last few hours, it could very well change everything. A fact he was quick to notice as he frowned, pointing at my rigid position."Something wrong?"

"I don't know, you tell me."I replied clearly tired of all these unanswered questions between us. I let a deep sigh before embarking on a rant despite myself."I want you to know that I understand perfectly if you were mad at me for my research on Bucky. I didn't know it was him but if I had not kept all these secrets and if ... just… I could have told you earlier. I-"

The sensation of his hands framing my face forced me to lift my confused eyes just to meet his determined gaze.

"Dan, breathe." I tried to follow his command before listening carefully. "You know how important Buck is to me. There is so much history about us that I entrusted you."He stared into space for a moment before giving me a secure glance."That's why I know you would never have hidden anything like that."A small smile curved his full lips as he rubbed his thumbs along my cheekbones, surprising me with his sudden gestures of affection."I am not mad at you."

I let myself be rocked by his warm contact and strangely reassuring before advancing in spite of me to rest my forehead against his chest built. Steve seemed to be welcoming my gesture by tightening his arms around me, wrapping me in a blanket of warmth and comfort.

I took a moment to breathe in his scent of musk and lemon before taking a slight step back in his embrace to reconnect our eyes."I'm going to be honest with you, I'm still not sure that's the right decision for us. But I want to promise you that no matter what happens with Bucky, I'll be here for you."I gave him a look of sympathy as I raised my hand against his jaw as I rubbed my thumb against his cheek before returning my eyes to his azure gaze charged with emotion."Until you get tired of me of course."

Steve let out a laugh at my comment before squeezing me closer to him. I returned almost immediately his embrace clearly surprised by his ease to share such intimacy between us.

However, I did not really have time to think much more about it as he caught me off guard again by capturing my lips with his. I returned his kiss without even taking the same to think. I just let myself get carried away in the moment.

Once again, he had been reminded of how bad their timing was. He always seemed to have this problem with the women he loved. But if he had to be honest with himself, Steve was ready to take any opportunity to kiss Dan. The mere promise she had made him had managed to lighten his mind a little. Bucky was his best friend and he was sure he could not stop him. This did not prevent him from doing everything he could to try to save him.

He felt Dan withdraw from the kiss, letting him open his eyes to look into her warm brown eyes. He felt her thumb resume an unknown pattern along his jaw letting him lean into her touch.

"Just so we're clear, it was not the talk you were referring to earlier, right?" She asked with a hint of a smile on her lips.

Steve emitted a little chuckle to her useful defense mechanism before placing his forehead against her in an attempt to prolong their contact a little longer."No, it wasn't that."

"Good." She agreed with a sigh. He smiles more at the simple agreement. "Because I really look forward for this talk. After all, you're going to do that old-fashioned, right?"

It had the gift of drawing a new breath of laughter from Steve as he laid a new kiss against her lips. Strangely, it had the gift of soothing him. It was even better than their usual discussion. Her simple warmth, her skin, her touch were enough to make him at peace with his thoughts. And he would be damned if he were to lose her during this action against SHIELD / Hydra.

He stood almost instantly at the thought before removing his hands from her hips to take her face seriously."You have to stay safe, Dan. No matter what happens, I need you to be safe."

"Mhm, I'm not sure I really appreciate this bossy, big guy side." Dan replied, letting Steve amplify his frown.

"I'm serious." He insisted, searching her eyes for confirmation. "Tell me you will stay safe. If something ever happened to you-"

"I promise you." Dan interrupted him as she made a point of supporting his gaze seriously.

* * *

Finally, our group went into action. Everyone had their own role to play. Natasha would be in direct contact with Pierce under cover thanks to the Photostatic Veil to pass as a member of the World Security Council. Jay and I were going to accompany Maria to keep an eye on the Helicarriers while Sam and Steve would go directly to them to install the chips in each of the ships.

_To be honest, I hated this plan. There were just so many things that could go wrong. We had too much variable and not enough certainty._

Maria, Sam and I were walking to the front of our small group while Jay and Steve were further back. They closed the march in a way.

However, we were not slow to pause at the sight of the immense Triskelion building standing between the trees. I immediately glanced carefully at Steve to examine his reaction. The latter was now in his full Captain America uniform. And despite the fact that it looked like our flag had thrown up on him, I had to admit he was fucking sexy. As I said, uniforms have always been my weak point. That said, he would never beat his old military uniform of the time. I still remembered the time I invited him to the dance hall. Looking back, it was probably at this very moment that our relationship had changed between him and me.

I was about to join him to make sure he was focused on the game, but Jay was ahead of me as he flanked his side.

_I was frowning in a bad feeling since ... well, it was Jay. He could very well say something embarrassing or worse._

I turned away my eyes in a hope to forget the moment taking place a little further from me before heading back to the path with Maria and Sam. Speaking of the latter, I was not long in feeling his hand on my wrist making me immediately lift my eyes to meet his eyes. He pulled me aside, giving Hill a look at his need for intimacy before he looked back at me.

"It's like Kandahar again." Sam suggested with a small smile tense at the reminder.

I winced at the memory more than alive in my mind before relying on humor to hide my real worries."At least we are both on these this time."

"Well, wish me luck." Sam finally breathed, leaving me squinting in a small smile.

He nodded, letting my hand rest on my shoulder."It's not to say, but the fate of the whole world is in your hands."

"Wow, no pressure." Sam whispered laughing tense leaving me forced a smile in my turn.

"Don't fuck this up." I declared, drawing a fresh breath of laughter from the brown.

The easy part was to enter the control room. The agents separated before the arrival of Hill. Plus, the sight of our weapons did not really leave room for discussion. I took turns transferring the technicians from the room before glancing over my shoulder to indicate that the way was clear. Steve nodded his head gratefully before turning to Maria as she was currently connecting to all of the building's broadcast system.

I closed the door behind me before leaning against it as I looked at Steve with a deep sense of pride. He was really something else.

"Attention all SHIELD agents, this is Steve Rogers." I sincerely hoped he was right about some SHIELD agents who remained loyal to Fury and not Hydra. An extra pair of trained big arms to fight this organization was not going to be luxury."SHIELD is not what we thought it was. It's been taken over by Hydra. If you launch those helicarriers today, Hydra will be able to kill anyone that stands in their way. Unless we stop them."

Part of me sincerely hoped that Kate-or whatever her real name-was with the good guys. Only to digest the pill a little more and convince myself that I had not shared my life with a Hydra agent all this time.

At the mere thought, I turned my eyes to Steve just to feel again that ounce of pride and almost immediate devotion. He definitely called attention and respect and I assumed it happened every time he put on that suit. He sounded more confident and serious than ever as he leaned with his hands on the radio console. His shield was strapped on his back, reminding me of who he really was. He was no longer the man I had known. At the moment; he was the symbol of America. A patriot.

"I know I'm asking a lot. But the price of freedom is high. It always has been. And it's a price I'm willing to pay. And if I'm the only once, then so be it. But I'm willing to bet I'm not."

_He was good. Damn good._ _I couldn't believe it was really my reality now. He seemed almost too morally right and virtuous for me._

Unfortunately, it was obviously necessary that Sam intervened to break the complete charm making me roll my eyes to his intervention."Did you write that down first? Or was it off the top of your head?"

Steve turned to Sam with a slight grin at his teasing before turning to me, letting me shrug my shoulders with a slightly amused look.

However, the mood quickly darkened as Hill got the attention of our entire group."Slight issue. Someone got into the system and recalibrated the countdown."She turned in her chair towards us with gravity. "We have less than fifteen minutes. "

"And that's what you call a _slight _issue?" I exclaimed as I hastened to join her side in alert. "I call that a fucking time bomb."

"Language, Dan." Intervened Steve letting me glare at him on my shoulder as he put on his helmet again.

"Not the fucking time, old man." I mumbled in annoyance before giving him a simple nod as he walked to the exit of the room. I let Jay take care to shut the door for us while I sat at one of the chairs next to Maria.

* * *

Steve thought he could focus only on the mission to be accomplished. On the movements he had to make to implant chips but the truth was he was still focused too much on Dan. He knew he should have told her something, something other than a simple nod. They were still far from having their conversation and establishing their relationship. Hell, he was not even sure he could have a moment for that. _He was always late._

He should have told her how much he cared for her, how much he _loved_ her. But that was not the right moment. It never was with him.

"Hey, Cap."Hailed Sam through their run on the moving Helicarriers reminding him of the mission first."How do we know the good guys from the bad guys?"

"If they're shooting at you, they're bad." Steve replied matter-of-factly. There were no names or even a distinct sign of recognition. They could only be based on the attackers of the defenders.

He felt Sam engage his mechanical wings and jet back before using the platform as his launch pad. Steve jumped off the bridge before landing on the first helicarriers. He rolled to cushion his fall before quickly raising his shield as the detonation of gun was not long in welcoming him. He took cover behind a pile of box before rolling on the ground.

He pushed back one of the agents trying to attack him before continuing his way to the center of the helicarriers. They had no time to lose. He pushed an officer's tactical gear grenade before throwing it at the approaching group. Once the grenade went off, he used the smoke as a diversion before moving on. He took multiple men at once, hitting and fighting to join the central part. He could briefly hear Maria and Dan watching Sam's progress, reminding him of Dan's safe presence in the control room. He continued his climb with the firm conviction that she was safe and that was all he needed.

"Alpha lock." Sam said, changing the first chip.

Maria's approval sound was audible as she moved to check the situation with Dan_."Dimarco, a visual on the Captain?"_

_"I always have a visual on him."_ Dan answered at once without even taking the time to think about getting a little smile from Steve in spite of himself.

He immediately raised his finger against his com to address her. "Dan, switch of line."

_"You summoned me?"_ Hailed Dan through the com leaving Steve laughing through his run.

"I'm not sure I recognize that reference." Steve apologized before taking a breath. "About this talk ..."He stepped forward to jump onto another platform before descending the stairs.

Sensing the final tone of his voice, Dan hastened to interrupt._"No, no, no, I forbid you to push this type of movement on me."_ He heard her catch of breath_."I'm not such a good person like Peggy. I would definitely take it badly. And I'll probably end up blaming you. So, don't do this. Actually, don't do anything apart from staying alive."  
_

"Right, I guess I'm the one who has to make you a promise now." Steve realized with a slight grin. She grunted on the line but he could hear the hint of amusement in her tone."Switching back."

Taking an alternative route, he asked for a lift from Sam as he threw himself straight towards the second helicarriers. Sam grabbed him with a sudden yell of pain as he pushed him onto the third helicarriers before following him into his landing.

"You know, you're a lot heavier than you look." Sam said as Steve tilted his head with a sigh.

"I had a big breakfast." He replied slightly.

Unfortunately the lightening atmosphere was soon to dissipate quickly as a new player entered the game. He hit him hard with his own body sending him over the helicarriers. Fortunately, he caught up on the turbine at the last moment.

_"Cap! Cap, come in. Are you okay?"_Sam cried worried in his com.

"Yeah, I'm here. I'm still on the helicarriers." He informed as he used the strength of his arms to climb onto the deck before analyzing his surroundings for his next move.

"I'm grounded. The suit's down. Sorry, Cap."Sam said apologetically again with a sigh.

"Don't worry, I got it." Steve assured as he found an alternative route. It was not the easiest but he did not really have any other option now. He managed to reach the center of the helicarriers. He climbed into the center similar to the other helicarriers before pausing as he caught his breath.

Unfortunately, he was not alone in the control center of the helicarriers and he was quick to realize it as he was suddenly face to face with a familiar face of the past.


	42. Everything is so fragile

_"I'm exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel." Unknow_

* * *

"What is happening ? Steve? Steve!" I exclaimed in alert as I quickly lost sight of the soldier on the screen before jumping out of my chair in panic."I lost the visual."

Hill glanced at me for a moment before returning her eyes to the screen just to get up with agility at the approaching threat. I was totally focused on the screen where Steve used to be, as three shots exploded around us. Maria went back to my side as if nothing had happened before giving me a serious look at Jay's question. "Why did we lose the visual with the old man?"

"Sam ? Sam, can you hear me?" I asked, tapping our com link in a bad feeling. I tried to keep my breath erratic to a minimum as I could feel the famous tremor in my limbs. It was like I was reliving Ben's death. Except this time, it was Steve and for some reason my emotions were in overdrive.

_"Yeah, I'm here."_ Sam answered at once, letting me give a small sigh of relief in spite of myself as I dropped back into the chair in the hustle and bustle."I'm down. The captain is all alone for the last helicarriers." He took a deep breath before starting again with gravity._"But Dan, there is a new player."_

I took a break knowingly at his dramatic tone before swallowing as I played with the joystick to examine all the cameras of the Helicarriers.

Not surprisingly, I was not long in perceiving a silhouette becoming familiar with a metal arm. I bit the inside of my cheek in a feeling of total panic. I was standing on the edge of the console clearly aware of the alternating looks of Maria and Jay on my profile. I tried to ignore this deep sense of dread as I watched the winter soldier disappear into the lower part of the ship before glancing back at the screen in a way to distract me from my swirling emotions.

I could easily notice Rumlow approaching us, letting me signing the Hydra spy for Maria. The latter hastened to launch Sam in the game leaving me worrying again about the fate of Steve.

I could feel Jay's presence at my side. The latter gesticulated in hesitation clearly disconcerted by my behavior out of character. All I could do at the moment was control my breath to prevent a fucking panic attack and distract myself from my chaotic thoughts. Even the voices of Maria and Jay finally became a mere background murmur as I dropped back heavily into the chair. I looked up at the countdown with the feeling of my heart squeezing a little more at every second scrolling on the screen. My throat was dry and the beating of my heart was erratic in my ears as I could hear the grunts, detonations, and blows on Steve's side. Bucky was a formidable opponent and Steve's voice seemed barely shown that he was alive as he informed us of the evolution.

I brought my fists tight against my lips as Maria recalled the tight count with gravity. She seemed just as alert as we were, as the red dots representing the targets of the Helicarriers soon appeared on the screen.

_More than a few seconds and Hydra was winning._

However, at the last moment the targets disappeared from the screen leaving the number of locked targets to flow to only 3.

Maria gave me a hesitant look to launch the destruction since Steve was still on board. However, unsurprisingly, he was adamant, they had to be destroyed-even though he was still on board. I wrinkled my lips as I could feel the tears flowing behind my eyes in realization before meeting Maria's expectant gaze. With great resolution, I tried to shake my head in desolation. That was all she needed to launch the destruction of the Helicarriers.

Jay, Maria, and I could only sit and watch as the carriers began to destroy themselves. By sight of things, the blasts were enough to send them on top of each other to ensure their complete destruction. I remained totally frozen as I watched in helplessness the Helicarriers each plunged into the void. One of them was getting dangerously close to the Triskelion. The one Steve was in.

I wrinkled my lips as I felt a single tear flow down my cheek as Natasha's voice soon surfaced on the com. _"Hill, Dan, where's Steve? Do you know his position?"_

"He ..." I swallowed to control my crunchy voice before moistening my lips as I took a deep breath."He stayed on the Helicarriers."

"His tracker doesn't answer anymore." Maria announced seriously, letting me act on my instinct.

Without really thinking, I jumped out of my chair leaving Hill and Jay looking after me as I rushed through the room.

However, I was not slow to pause at Jay's logical appeal."Dan, you don't even know where he is!"

"I don't fucking care!" I exploded, glancing over my shoulder."I already lost a man I loved. I will not lose him again."

If it had been under any other circumstances, I might have paused in making my admission. But I was more influenced by my emotions and adrenaline to fully realize what I had just said. Nevertheless, it probably would not have changed anything. I loved Steve and I was not afraid to admit it. Hence the reason why I was terrified of losing him.

I did not even record the explosions around me or even the tremors of the building falling to ruin just under my feet. I kept pushing hard on my legs, ignoring the aches and pains all over my body. Instead, I forced my legs to accelerate the pace as I ran down the stairs four at a time. I was totally disconnected from reality at this point as I continued on my way with only one goal in mind.

Making my exit by one of the doors to the outside, I found myself once again in a position of vulnerability as I could not do anything except watch the last Helicarriers fit into the Triskelion. Tons of debris fell straight into the lake bordering the former headquarters of SHIELD. I immediately raised my arms above my head in a futile attempt to protect myself from the debris as I strove to look for Steve. I brought my hand over my eyes to try to catch a glimpse of blue, red and white, to no avail.

Steve returned to his feet with his laboured breath. He took off his helmet as he kept his eyes on Bucky. The helicarriers sent them from one side to the other as he turned towards its fall. Once again, Bucky just seemed impervious to his attempts. He had tried to remind him. But Hydra's teachings were too much ingrained in his mind. They stood each other in tense silence as they weighed themselves. They both breathed plowed after their fight and seemed barely paying attention to their surroundings. Each was focused on different was trying to make him remember while the man with Bucky's face was focused solely on fulfilling his mission.

Suddenly the man let out a guttural war cry as he charged directly to him. Steve did not even have time to do anything as he trapped him down. He fell heavily against an iron beam, his head hanging in the air. However, it was far from affecting him as he was only focused on Bucky. The man was the only one preventing him from sinking into the water below as he clenched his fist in his uniform before screaming at his face."You're my mission."

He immediately used his metal arm to hit him in the face. Again and again and again. With each punch, Steve could see a reminder of their past life before changing his focus to a much more recent era. Bucky's face slumped into that of a little brunette who had managed to revive his once frozen heart.

The way she used to smile at him. _**Punch.**_ The way she gave him little nicknames. _**Punch. **_The way she made him laugh and indulge without even really trying. _**Punch.**_ The way she reminded him that his life was more than war and Captain America. _**Punch.**_ The reassuring touch of her skin against his and her addictive kisses. _**Punch.**_

He should have told her earlier what he felt for her. He should have made her understand how important she was to him. How much he wanted to tell her every day how much he loved her. How much he would have liked to be the one she was waking up to.

"You're my mission!" Bucky yell again, trying more to convince himself rather than make a point. Steve could barely feel his face at this point. Only the pressure of the metal fist was registered in his mind.

Finally, he managed to catch his breath to form a coherent sentence."Then finish it!" He barely managed to continue his sentence as he glanced at Bucky through the swelling of his eye."Cause I'm with you until the end of the line."

Just then, a piece of the Helicarriers detached, falling directly on them. Bucky barely had time to hang on while Steve fell directly to his ruin. Fate had an ironic way of separating them since it was exactly the same as all those seventy years before. One of them falling into emptiness at their loss and the other forced to look.

* * *

It was only when the last Helicarriers crushed in the deep waters that I managed to take control of my own body again. I rode again in a race around the Potomac in search of Steve. I could feel my breath whistling at each of my calls for the super soldier. I had my hands around my lips and a frantic look dancing on the debris.

However, I was not slow to make a sudden break as I fell on a silhouette definitely different from that of Steve. I felt my breath get stuck in my throat like the bridge man, the one who had tried to kill me many times, suddenly turned on his heels to face me. He suddenly let go of the body that it seemed to come out of the water leaving me widen my eyes at the sight of the blond head stranded on the edge of the Potomac. I swallowed as I looked back at the soaked brown by assembling two and two together. _He had saved him.  
_

Once again, I was taken aback by the emptiness he gave me. His ice-blue eyes seemed to dance silently between the inert body at his feet and my face with a deep sense of confusion. I remained totally motionless as I weighed him preparing for his attack. Conversely, he only seemed to take in my form in a tense silence. As if he was trying to solve an enigma weighing on his mind for too long. Frustration and confusion were the two major emotions on his soaked face.

Once again, I was much more alert to the struggle in his mind. He seemed far from the machine described in all these files. Now he looked more like a lost soul.

We stayed a moment longer in a tense silence before he took another step back, forcing me to straighten my shoulders in anticipation.

However, he took me completely off guard as he just signed Steve on the floor with his chin."Help!"

The guttural, hoarse sound of his voice surprised me as I widened my eyes in shock. However, I was not slow in regaining full possession of my mind as I realized what he had said. I did not hesitate for a second to throw myself on Steve. I forgot even the presence of the other man as I collapsed on my knees next to Steve's body before taking his face in my hands.

I could feel my hands shaking as I examined the blond's damage in panic. A very vivid image of Ben resurfaced in my mind at the sight forcing me to catch my breath. He had several bruises on his face, and the water mixed with blood and the bruises seemed to underline his pitiful condition. I had no doubt as to the reason for his condition. He was only a few steps away from me.

However, I was too panicked to really care. Instead, I let my hands fly over the blond's body looking for a place to start before stopping my eyes on Steve's chest. The sight of his torso rising and falling sporadically was alerting but it was also a sign of life. I still released a relieved breath before transferring my pained eyes to Steve's disfigured face

However, the sight of a bloodstain on his lower abdomen was enough to challenge me again as I widened my eyes before making an effort to apply pressure to stop the bloodshed.

_He was going to need a paramedical team. And quick. Super soldier or not, I was unable to fully proceed at this time._ _All I knew was that he was hurt and that my heart was bleeding with him. I was madly worried._

I tried to regain control of my emotions before I remembered the man near me. The Winter soldier. Or was its Bucky? No matter who he was at that moment, it was enough for me to realize that he had completely disappeared. I wrinkled my lips as I looked for a moment at the vacant place he once was in before taking my eyes off Steve.

_He was going to be fine. He must be fine._

* * *

The trip to the hospital was honestly a blur for me. I was only focused on the care attributed to Steve and completely ignorant of the emotions being built inside me. Instead, I forced myself to act solely on adrenaline and the action of the moment to ignore my emotions.

Arriving in the emergency room, I went down with the paramedics taking Steve in charge and was forced to follow him despite me since he had a firm hold around my hand. The simple sensation of his touch was enough to bring comfort and deep guilt. After all, he had been the one insisting on throwing the Helicarriers but I was the only one to give the final order. Maria Hill had turned to me in expectation and I just nodded despite Steve's still on board.

However, my thoughts were soon interrupted again as hordes of staff soon joined us. I was assaulted by a team before I fully realized the involvement and tried to run as they pushed Steve's stretcher along the halls. A glance at his disfigured face was enough to make me nauseous as I could feel my heart leap. I could suddenly see the vivid image of a soldier on my doorstep announcing Ben's death. I knew Steve was not Ben and he definitely had a better chance of survival. But I also knew that an average human would already be dead in his place.

As they escorted Steve into the operating room, the realization that I finally had to let go popped into my mind and I found myself squeezing my hold on his hand. I was not long in seeing the same doctor who had taken care of Fury and Natasha in the warehouse to stand next to me. Even though his presence was supposed to comfort me, I was unable to make that thought. I was only and completely focused on Steve. The image of his rising and falling chest was the only way to control my emotions from spiraling straight into a panic attack.

"Miss. Dimarco, I need you to leave the room, please. I'll take care of him from here." He put his hand on my shoulder to support his point, letting me take my hand off Steve's, ignoring the sudden emotional pain radiating all of my limbs.

I took a step back with my eyes still focused on the body of Steve lying on the stretcher before feeling my heart literally stop at the agreement of the machine watching his vital race.

"Heart's rate climbing, doctor!" Announced one of the nurses eagerly. I could still see his face disfiguring and the slight raising of his eyebrow as if he were trying to hold on to something.

The _beep, beep,_ quick and alarming of his heart was the only sound I heard as the double doors of the operating room closed just before my eyes.

Finding myself now alone and completely helpless in front of those double doors, I could suddenly feel the adrenaline leaving me. The hubbub of my thoughts soon broke the oppressive silence around me and the feeling of my limbs clenching assailed me with full force. I was suddenly very aware of the tremors assaulting me from side to side as well as the feeling of air leaving my lungs. The latter hastened to contract, letting me pant for the air as I could feel my vision becoming more and more obscured by tears of panic.

It had been a while since I had one, but I could definitely recognize a panic attack that I was undergoing.

Becoming more and more unable to handle my loss of air, I suddenly caught myself against the nearest wall before feeling my legs give way under me. I slid suddenly along the wall before landing dryly on my ass. At any other time, I would have felt the pain radiating my coccyx but I was completely disconnected from the world to fully record the pain. Instead, I was suddenly beset with images of Steve and panic. I brought my hands to my lips as I could feel my trachea getting tighter and tighter, letting me fight the tears obstructing my vision.

I tried to lift my legs in a bent position in a last ounce of control before bringing my arms around them so I could hide my head on my laps. I tried to fight against the loss of air and concentrated on Steve's images, his touch, his kisses, the feeling of his laughter and our many moments together.

Finally, the distinct image of the clearing suddenly reappears behind my eyes. I could see ourselves lying side by side again on this blanket. The blue sky above us and the calming atmosphere enveloping us in a cocoon of peace.

I closed my eyes as I tried to hold on to that feeling before feeling my limbs relax again slowly. First, it was my trachea, then my lungs and finally my brain. The hiss of silence in my ears was again replaced by the usual murmur of a hospital and I could once again feel the sensations coming back along my limbs. Including tears flowing freely along my cheeks. I tightened my grip on my legs to try to hide from the world and let me cry more as I gradually took my breath.

I was not long in feeling a headache pointing the tip of his nose letting me recognize the usual consequence of a panic attack. I tried to process the last hours in my little brain still fogged before giving way completely to fatigue. I simply stood still without a word, trying to catch my breath. _Steve was still in danger_.

At the mere thought, I could already feel a new crisis threatening to regain control of my body. The tremor and overload in my limbs was enough to alert me.

I tried to ignore my pessimistic thoughts and let myself be absorbed by my usual defense mechanism.

_I did it once, I could do it again._

I could feel the thoughts and energy completely leaving my body as I locked myself into a bubble of apathy. I loosened my arms around my legs and lifted my head to lean against the wall. I let my head fall back against the hard surface and just focused my wet eyes and red of all my crying on the wall opposite.

I brought my clenched hands against my lips again to try to ignore the trembling in my limbs and just watched the wall opposite without a word. A single mantra swirling in my head like a song on repeat.

_Steve was going to be alright. He had to be alright. He just had._

* * *

**_Hey guys,_**

**_To begin, I wanted to thank those who had joined on board along the way. Your reviews and favs really help me move forward in this story. Honestly, your reviews are all that I look forward to every new publication._**

**_However, I suppose you have noticed that we are nearing the end of the CA: WS. I intend to continue this story and I would like to know if you would still be there._**

**_Moreover, if some had suggestions don't hesitate to send them to me._**


	43. Pain is a good way to distract

_"When I'm with you, I feel safe from the things that hurt me inside." Unknow._

* * *

At this point, I did not even count hours or even minutes. I had already abandoned this process for more than two hours already. Instead, I tried to control my breath by staying alert for any sign from the operating room near me. The first two hours consisted of delaying police attempts to make contact with me. They wanted to know what had happened on the Potomac and even more on the edge of the river.

However, they could not handle the truth and I definitely did not want to talk. The rest had been just waiting on this cold and uncomfortable floor. I could feel a slight stiffness along my spine as well as a slight numbness in my coccyx after my rather brutal fall.

Nevertheless, I did nothing to readjust myself.

_As I always said, pain was a good way to distract. This allowed us to remember that we were alive and definitely made us aware of the reality._

It was a good way to remind me that the last days had not been a horrible nightmare but indeed my reality. Steve was in this operating room.

Unfortunately, my little bubble was soon invaded by a familiar figure hovering over me. At this point, she did not really wait for a sign of recognition from me as she just joined my side in a position familiar to mine. Except that she left her legs lying in front of her. The solemn silence enveloping us was finally what take me out of my apathy as I finally turned my head to take in her appearance. She was discreetly dressed and so unnoticed by the public. Probably a consequence of the release of all confidential SHIELD documents to the world. It was part of the plan to take SHIELD down. Steve, Maria, Sam, Jay and I took care of the Helicarriers while Nat and Fury took care of revealing all their information to the world. It was a difficult and very courageous act on their part. Especially for former super-spies who had lived so long in anonymity.

I had been so focused on Steve and my episode of panic that I had not even thought about the consequences of our actions. The presence of the redhead now at my side was enough to remind me, however. I gave an approving look on her skinny jeans reminding me strangely of one of mine before giving a look of realization at the sight of a hooded sweatshirt also similar to one of mine. Obviously, she had once again served in my wardrobe available at Sam's.

I went up along her slender figure, I finished my inspection on her face. The redhead wore an emotionless expression, looking almost bored but I knew better. The few days at her side had taught me to read the super-spy a little better. So I could see the slight concern in her blue-grey eyes and the slight pinching of her lips in a straight line showing her annoyance.

Deciding to put my eyes on the wall in front of us, I leaned a little bit by controlling the movement of my lips to hide the fact that I spoke to her."SHIELD has become public."

Natasha's only answer was a simple nod as she cocked her jaw."The authorities are already on our backs." I let out a long sigh of weariness before tilting my head against the wall, turning it toward the double doors of the operating room. There was a feeling in my chest about Steve's lack of response."Have you heard anything about him?"

"They're still treating him, as far as I know." I said, sighing impatiently and anxiously.

Natasha nodded briefly in acknowledgment before taking her turn to observe me deeply. I could easily see her features contorted at the sight of my possibly pitiful condition. At the sight of my eyes still red and puffy, the redhead raised an eyebrow. "And you? How are you holding up?"

I almost immediately avoided her knowing gaze as I wrinkled my lips in a thin line. I squeezed and frizzed my fists by my side.

However, it would seem that I would not have to answer this question as Sam's familiar voice hastened to break up our little duet."Dan! Natasha!" Sam hastened to join us, letting me take in his more urban change of clothes. He still had some scratches from the fight earlier but overall, he looked good. "How is he doing? Any news ?"

The simple question was enough to remind me of our helplessness as to the evolution of Steve's treatment. We were left in the dark and I hated it more than anything. It was another reason that had the gift of making me hate hospitals. It was at that moment that Kate would really have useful. Unfortunately, that was another reminder of her betrayal. That was enough to make my already gloomy mood even lower.

Feeling my mood gradually diminishing, Natasha took it upon herself to answer Sam. Meanwhile, I finally decided to help me from the wall to hoist myself on my legs. The sudden movement and the long hours in an identical position made me stagger a little on my feet. Sam hastily raised his hands as if to catch me, and I immediately gave him a warning look. It also gave him access to my face, letting him easily recognize the consequences of a panic attack.

He swallowed in worry in realization before raising his hands in sign of surrender. He knew me well enough to know how I was after such an episode.

Worse still, I was surprised to see Natasha's hands retracting almost as fast as Sam's. I was entertaining myself by giving Natasha a look at the question, only the redhead just shrugged in indifference. Instead, she gave a look at our duet before signing the operating room."I doubt we need to be so numerous to wait for him."

It was not explicitly said but I knew she was as impatient and frustrated as me. I thought of shaking my head as she asked me to keep her informed before watching her back retract into the hallways.

Sam and I soon fell back into a gloomy silence as we waited to hear more about Steve. At one point, a nurse approached our duo to inform us that he was out of danger but that he would take some time to regain consciousness. It almost got me into another panic attack. Fortunately, Sam recognized the warning signs and helped me through my episode without too much difficulty.

After that, he had escorted me to the waiting room so that I could get a better rest. His words, not mine. I was too exhausted to even really contradict him or put a fight. To be honest, I had completely ignored most of my necessities to the detriment of Steve. I did not even remember the last time I had something to eat and I did not even talk about the notion of sleep.

Early enough, the morning turned into an afternoon and soon into the evening. Sam and I would change places every two hours before returning to the same place. He took care of keeping us afloat with food from the hospital cafeteria and some magazines to distract him from my moody mood.

It was around ten o'clock when Steve's doctor finally decided to make his appearance. I was currently half-lying with my head against Sam's shoulder as Sam was changing the annoying channels of the hospital every ten seconds. "Miss. Dimarco? Mister. Wilson?"

Sam turned off the television almost immediately while I was already on my feet in impatience."Yeah? "

"We've moved Captain Rogers into his own room. He's under restricted access, but you've been given permission to see him for a short time this evening. It can't be for very long, as he's recovering, but you can come back tomorrow during visiting hours."He explained, beckoning us to follow him through the corridors of the hospital. _Personally, I cared little about being given access or not. I was going to see Steve with their agreement or not._ One fact that Sam was fully conscious as he just nodded for both of us. The doctor stopped in front of a door with a binder that probably contained Steve's vitals. "He's doing very well, all things considered."

I was just nodding my head clearly ignorant of the civility exchange between Sam and the doctor as I was more focused on the door separating me from Steve. I never thought I would ever become so attached to someone else. To worry so much for someone. It was something I really wanted to avoid at all costs. And then Steve had come into my life. He had turned everything upside down to the smallest detail of my life as a recluse. And now, I did not know if I could really work again without him. He had become an integral part of my life. And the feelings I felt for him had never been so strong as now.

The proverb that said : _'we didn't realize what we had until we lost it'_ had never been so true for me.

I felt a hand on my shoulder forcing me out of my train of thought to meet Sam's apprehensive gaze. I was exchanging a silent conversation with the Afro-American before finally grabbing the handle of Steve's room. I inhaled sharply before entering.

However, the sight in front of me didn't take long to make me take a break. I swallowed as I silently and punctiliously took in Steve's condition. The latter was lying, asleep, on his bed with several bandages along his body. Several IV's and monitor recorded his vital in live. He also seemed cleaner. His blond hair was greasy and flattens against his forehead. Overall, he looked a mess. He had several stitches, bruises on his entire face, and a huge swelling along his eye that was likely to prevent him from seeing properly for a while.

I could feel my throat becoming more and more dry as I took in his state forcing me to support myself against the first object at episodes of panic and the long hours of waiting had come to have the better of me. I was leaning on the nearest wall, looking away before feeling Sam's presence hovering over my side.

"Dan-"

"I'm fine." I interrupted him quickly in a hoarse voice, slightly tinged with my desire to cry. I was taking a shaky breath as I could hear Steve's steady heartbeat reaching my ears."I just need a minute."

Sam easily understood where I came from as he just walked into the room before sitting on one of the available chairs. Taking a deep breath, I swallowed again before pushing myself out of the wall. I slowly made my way to the other chair before settling in the latter without looking away from Steve. I could feel the itch along my fingers claiming for his reassuring touch.

However, Sam's question soon distracted me from my initial intention. "Do you think he can hear us?"

I shrugged my shoulders in uncertainty. "Some say that those in the comas can hear us."

"In that case, you should talk to him." Assured Sam confidently making me look up at him in surprise. He gave me a sharp look by signing Steve with a gesture of his chin."I'm sure if he wanted to hear someone, it would be you."

I swallowed at his allusion as I looked back at Steve in uncertainty before feeling this itch grow stronger and stronger. "I wouldn't know what to say to him."

Sam nodded silently before giving one last look at Steve as he suddenly got up from his chair. I immediately raised my eyes on the brown in surprise just to see him beckoning me to Steve. Realizing what he implied, I turned my eyes to the blond, swallowing. I heard Sam's retreat briefly outside the room before releasing a trembling breath as I leaned over the edge of my chair. I decided to give in to the impulse along my fingers and reached out my hand towards his. His skin was slightly rough and warm undermine producing almost instantly a soothing effect. I'd close my grip almost immediately before bringing my other hand to the top of the one I was holding. I held his hand between mine, keeping my eyes on Steve.

"Hey, big guy." I breathed in a shaking voice before adjusting my hands in nervousness. For a moment, I almost felt his hand contract in recognition."Sam think you can hear me so ... here I am. Trying to talk to you."I left a humorless laugh at the stupidity of it all."I really don't know if you can hear me but you have to get over quickly, Steve."I squeezed my hand on hers as I moistened my lips."I really need you."

A heavy silence greeted my words, leaving me desperately watching Steve for any kind of change. Unfortunately, the motionless view of his body was enough to make my shoulders fall into defeat.

A soft tapping came at the door, before it was cracked open letting me turn my head to take a look over my shoulder. Sam gave me a careful look."The nurse said it was time to go."

I nodded in agreement before turning my attention to Steve, giving a last squeeze along his hand. I soon joined Sam outside before gently closing the door of his room behind me. The latter gave me a look in silence clearly listening to my emotions. Unfortunately for him, I put again on my mask of impassibility as I could feel this internal confusion again.

I just followed Sam through the corridors before releasing a breath of relief once in the cool air of the evening. I looked up at the dark, starless sky before cracking a smile, as the memory of our many discussions on the rooftop resurfaced in my mind.

However, my smile soon turned sour as the realization of the situation soon erased the happy memory.

Noticing my silence, Sam turned to me as he pulled out his SUV keys. The beep echoed in my ears, letting me turn to him in recognition."Need a lift ?"

"I think I'm going to walk." I said, crossing my arms around me to control the slight chills down my arms. "I need to get some fresh air."

"Are you sure ?" Sam insisted reluctantly. I immediately bent my head to one side before giving him a flat look in the boredom. He immediately raised his hands in surrender with a small smirk."I was just trying to be nice."

"Sure that was what you were trying to do." I said, sarcastically.

Separating with the promise to meet again soon, especially for Steve, I ended up walking my way out of the parking lot. Without Sam's absence, I realized how alone I was.

Adrenaline and the reality of the last days to assail me full force letting me tighten my grip around me as I could again feel the urge to cry resurface. This time, I didn't hold back the tremors or even the tears as I let myself go completely. Crying all the way back, I did not even realize I was in front of the building I had shared with Steve and Kate. I could feel my throat becoming dry as I looked up at the whole building before squinting my lips. It seems like I had exhausted all of my tears at this point.

With a shaking breath, I walked to the lobby before climbing the stairs with a shuffle. The mere sight of the door of Steve's apartment was enough to make me pause in my ascent. I narrowed my lips clearly exhausted by the latest events before heading back to my own door of my apartment. I headed for the latter before turning the handle. Unsurprisingly, the door was open letting me make my way inside the hallway of the entrance.

I stopped in the middle of the living room just to look around with a deep sense of disgust and betrayal in addition to the already bubbling emotions inside me.

It was the place where Kate had fooled me. And yet, all I could hope for at that moment was to see the blonde come out of her room to be bored with her need for incessant discussion about my bottled emotions. This if only not to feel this sudden feeling of loneliness coursing through my veins.

_I may have looked healthy, but inside, I was a mess._


	44. Hold on and believe

_"Great things never come from comfort zones." Unknow_

* * *

The next two days consisted of putting my life in order while assuming the consequences of our actions with SHIELD. Our actions, or rather the actions on behalf of Steve, were everywhere on the television channels. They spoke of the Helicarriers, Hydra's plot having integrated the governmental organization as well as the investigation in anticipation to render justice to the world in this said organization. They had even rebuffed Steve's message for more effect. As if that was not difficult enough, I had to hear his voice every time I stepped outside.

The attack was all the world was talking about and all the news was focused on his recovery and the repercussions of his actions. It was as if they blamed him for doing what was right. Still it was not really surprising with the government. There was a reason why I had left the army.

Fortunately for me and Jay, we were not important enough for the government, but I was already sure that Sam and Natasha would have to testify before the highest authorities. The congress to start.

Speaking of Jay, he was pretty busy these days. Being a direct actor in taking SHIELD and Hydra but without being a public figure, he was promoted to the CIA to take back the reins of the current investigation. It allowed me to know where the investigation was going even though I knew he was not telling me everything. He had changed sides after all.

So the threat of having news channels or even a higher authority asking me to be accountable had the gift of making me even more paranoid than usual. Hence the reason why I was content to go back and forth between the hospital and my apartment. I had called Robbie to appease her, staying over three hours with her on the phone to reassure her and tell her the last days in their entirety. I had finished the call with a promise to come and see her but to be honest, I still had to find the courage to spend my time somewhere other than at the hospital. During the two days, I continued my small monologue sessions with Steve. He was still unconscious and seemed to barely answer my questions but I persevered. After all, he had always been the one to persevere with me. It was time I returned the favor. So, I had spent most of my days at his bedside until a nurse told me to leave the room.

I could feel reluctant a little more each time and anxiety mixed with worry soon turned into frustration and impatience. _He was fine for God's sakes._ Of course, he always looked terrible with his bruises and scratches but he was perfectly fine. His vitals seemed even promising according to the doctor so why he did not wake up.

I had never been the best person to manage with mortality or even disease and I was sure to say that it was not going to change anytime soon. I was probably the last person for that.

It was also another defense mechanism. Frustration and impatience allowed me to continue with my life. I put all of Kate's stuff or whatever her name was in a storeroom and I posted a new ad on the internet for a collocation. I had even thought for a moment to offer the room to Steve once he was awake. After all, it was not like he had another place to live after what had happened. And I was willing to bet that the authorities would also go after him once his recovery was assured. Because he was going to recover. There was no possibility that it would be otherwise to me.

However, there were still so many things that were wrong. I knew it, but I still ignored most of the problems in front of me.

Once again, I let a long sigh leave my lips as I looked around. The apartment had never felt as empty as it was now. I shook my head at the thought before heading to the kitchen. I stopped in front of the fridge before pulling the handle to retrieve the bottle of orange juice. I retrieved a drink from the cupboard above the sink before serving me a drink.

However, the sudden agreement of the opening of the door made me immediately pull myself into a reflex. Being slightly paranoid since the last events, I had stashed several weapons of defense in all the apartment.

Realizing that an intruder was now in the hallway of the entrance I gently rested my bottle before recovering my handgun under the coffee table of the living room. I immediately pulled out the security by pointing my weapon at the intruder in anticipation just to feel my breath get stuck in my throat at the sight of Ka-whatever her name was.

"I come in peace." Exclaimed the blonde at once, raising her hands at the sight of my weapon picking up on her. I readjusted my grip on my weapon clearly suspicious."I have no weapons on me. You can verify."

I gauged the blonde a little longer before letting a sigh leave my lips as I lowered my weapon to my side before returning the security. I heard her sigh briefly, letting my hateful eyes rest on her.

"What are you doing here ?" I lashed coldly as I returned to the kitchen bar. I posed my weapon in order to show my suspicion towards her before posting me behind the counter.

I could feel her browns watching each of my movements with guilt. She eyed the gun on the counter and looked at me."I thought we could talk."

"Why? You don't have to watch Steve anymore. I have no use for you." I recollected with acrimony in my tone.

I could see the blonde wince at my accusation. "Dee-"

"It's Danae for you." I interrupted curtly. "We're not friends. We have never been after all, right?" I let a bitter laugh in the realization."When I think about it, I don't even know who you really are. I don't even know your real name."

I rolled my eyes in annoyance before taking a sip of my drink as I could feel her heavy look on my profile. I could easily imagine the wheels in activity in her little agent head. She was probably looking for a way out of this mess.

However, she did otherwise, as she spoke in a whisper. "It's Sharon."

"Huh? "

"My name is Sharon. Sharon Carter." The blonde replied with a little more conviction as she straightened her shoulders confidently. "And I have never played a game with you. I only lied about my identity."

"_Only_?" I scoffed scornfully before giving her a scathing look. "Right, that explains everything."

I could quickly get irritation on her angular face as she crossed her arms over her chest to my lack of cooperation."Okay, I made mistakes.I have not been honest. But what about you? You worked with my director and you didn't say anything."

"Wow, sorry, I'm dreaming or have you just reversed the roles?" I said, waving my hand between us in disbelief before starting again with annoyance."And if I did not say anything, it was because I didn't trust you. With reason." I held her gaze in indignation. "I should punch you in the face."

Sharon stood motionless for a moment as she narrowed her eyes to my jab before letting a deep sigh leave her lips. I just arched an unimpressed eyebrow as she pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. Well, we were two.

"Fine, hit me if it can help you." The blonde suggested, waving her hand in my direction, letting me pause with my glass.

I arched an eyebrow in disbelief before putting down my glass, narrowing my eyes at the blonde in suspicion."What are you playing now?"

"You didn't hear me? I am very serious." She replied, loosening her folded arms over her chest to come forward impatiently."C'mon, hit me."

"Have you completely lost your mind?" I exclaimed in disbelief. "I will not hit you."

A slight smile appeared on her painted lips letting me see the changes between her character Kate and herself. She was more assured, more distinguished, and definitely less affordable. She also seemed more on guard, letting me realize how stupid I had been to think she was a simple nurse. There had been signs and I had ignored them all for the sake of her word.

I shook my head at the mere thought before straightening up in my turn crossing my arms over my chest as I walked around the counter to keep up with her. The blonde arched her eyebrow defiantly, letting me shake my head before going over to my room.

"I've already cleared your things from the room. You will find the key to the furniture repository in the chest of drawers." I said over my shoulder as I grabbed the door handle of my room.

However, the contrite call of the blonde stopped me despite myself. "I know it will not change anything but I want you to know I'm sorry."

I wrinkled my lips as I could feel my resolution cracking a bit before leaving a tired sigh."Yeah, me too."

I remained locked in my room on the lookout for Kat-Sharon's movements. It had not only allowed me to do a little more treason but also to think a little more about her identity.

_Carter.  
_

There was little chance that it was just a coincidence. I could already imagine Steve's reaction once he learned it. The mere thought of the blond sent me back into a thought process that I had tried to stay away from in the last days. Especially on what happened on the edge of the river. Not only because I was only focused on Steve, but also because I knew that part of me would immediately go after Bucky if I was distracted by this thought process.

There was just something at Steve's best friend that made me want to save him on his own. I was sure he had not left completely. His act proved it. But I was not ready to return to this kind of situation. Not when I had all my thoughts directed to Steve. It was both reassuring and frustrating to discover how much I could think of him.

Once again, I could feel myself derailing a session of thought evolving all around Steve. It was like he was everything I could think about these days. I felt really silly and frustrated by the simple fact.

_I was not a teenager struck with love for Christ's sake. I knew how to control myself. Or at least, I thought._

It was like I was back to square one in the love department. I could feel a little more each day for the super soldier. And this waiting had the gift to kill me.

Suddenly, three free knocks from my door made me sit up with my elbows.

I frowned at my door at Sharon's voice."I put my key on the counter." I lowered my eyes in a feeling of sadness at this new information. It was really the end. I chewed the inside of my cheek like a silence followed her statement. I could briefly hear her baited inspiration from the other side.

Unfortunately, I could not find anything to say to her. A fact that she soon realized as she let a long sigh. "Look ... I got a job at the CIA. I don't know what you plan to do after ... well, after all that but ... I talked about you. I'm sure they'll give you a place if you're interested."

With that, I was not slow to hear her steps of withdrawals letting me fall heavily on my bed in defeat. I raised my arms above my head in exhaustion before bringing my right arm to my forehead. I frowned on my ceiling and narrowed my lips in a straight line as Sharon's proposal brought a new problem to my mind.

_What was I going to do once Steve was going to wake up? What was he going to do?_

_It was obvious that he could not stay out of the fight. He had made me understand it many times. But what? He was going to join his cosplay group in New York ? And me ? What was I supposed to do? God, I was already asking so many questions when we did not even define our relationship. __It was anything. That's exactly why I did not want to re-engage in a relationship._

I shook my head and let out a deep, tired sigh before turning to my side to open the drawer of my bedside table. I took the pack of cigarettes inside before rushing to light a white stick between my lips. I left the package beside my head as I pulled the ashtray to the side before taking a deep breath of nicotine and tar. The smoke passed through my lungs, leaving me almost instantly to lose some tension in my limbs.

Once again, my chaotic train of thought was soon interrupted again. Except this time, it was by the ringing of my phone currently resting on my bedside table. I took a fresh breath, keeping the cigarette firmly between my lips before leaning back to the side to retrieve my phone. I was careful not to burn anything in the process before sliding my finger down the screen to unlock it.

The sight of a message containing Sam's name made me sit up with a start. It was his turn to monitor Steve's condition.

_He woke up.  
_

I took a minute to record the information before releasing the longest sigh of unimaginable relief. I raised my eyes to the ceiling to thank the heavens above us before quickly returning my eyes to my screen. However, I was suddenly facing a wall. No matter how much I wanted to write something, anything my fingers seemed frozen on the screen.

A fact that Sam was quick to realize as he sent a second message almost immediately.  
_  
It was brief. He went to sleep almost immediately._

I chewed the inside of my cheek in a strange feeling of nervousness before letting myself fall back against my bed. I dropped my phone, letting it bounce close to my head before going against my mattress. I looked back at the ceiling before glancing at my phone indecisively. For some reason, I was suddenly petrified at seeing Steve again. It was what I had been waiting for since he was hospitalized and now, I could not write a simple text. I was pitiful.

_God, I couldn't stay here._

On an impulse, I jumped into a sitting position before getting up from my bed in eagerness. I rushed straight for my dresser to retrieve my beige coat before putting it on my way to the exit.

However, I was not slow to pause in front of my dresser as my eyes suddenly landed on a photo. I wrinkled my lips with a slight ball of emotion as I took the picture frame containing a photograph of Ben and me. I let my thumb trace Ben's face with nostalgia and melancholy before pulling the first drawer out of my dresser.

I lowered the frame with the intention of tidying it indoors before pausing in uncertainty. Part of me knew it was what he wanted. He probably would have wanted me to continue living without him. _But was I really ready for this?_

Changing decision, I closed the drawer before resting the frame in its place. I shook my head as I readjusted the collar of my coat on the exit before recovering my boots in the corridor of the entrance. I put on these last before finally leaving the security of my apartment.

To be honest, I did not really have a destination in mind. All I knew was that I needed to feel the fresh air. However, it seems that my body had its own place in mind. I barely had time to fully realize what I was doing that I had already bought a ticket for the exhibition on Steve and I was already mixing in the crowd. Once fully conscious, my mind shouted at me to leave this place. It was even more pathetic than I thought.

But for some reason, I found myself continuing my way through the aisles. I go most of the corners I had already explored with Steve. It was strange to be here without him and I could fully realize how unbearable that was. It was a real invasion of the private life. All his life was exposed for the public eye. The children measured themselves against both versions of himself and even Peggy was exposed to everybody's eye.

After a tour through the projection center, I knew I had to leave the museum.

However, once in front of the Howling Commandos exhibition, I found myself drifting to the monument dedicated solely to Bucky. Now that I was looking at the clean, cut face of the Bucky at the time, I could not help but feel so stupid for not making the connection. Aside from the livelier eyes and the smirk, he was definitely the same.

I was so drawn in Bucky's story told by the microphone that I didn't even notice the stranger suddenly standing at my side. He was wearing a cargo jacket with a hoodie, a pair of dirty jeans and a cap, the bill pulled low on his face to keep him safe from everyone. If I had not been so engrossed in my own little mind, I could have realized who he was. Or even fully aware of his thorough observation of my profile but instead, I just shake my head on the Barnes display before turning on my heels clearly decide to leave the show.

Once again completely unconscious of the big brown with the metal arm watching me.


	45. Go ahead and get what you want

_"Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice. But falling in love with you was beyond my control." Unknow. _

* * *

The flashes of the photographers and the hustle and bustle of the audience were the only sounds that Natasha could fully take into account. She was used to immersing herself in any environment but usually her goal was to melt into the mass and not come out like a sore thumb in a crowd.

It was something she hated, attention. Even more when she had to wear this horrible two-piece suit. More than that, she hated accountability when she did the right thing for once. She remained professional and unaffected by the staging of the conference before her. She just moved to the fingerprint reader before returning to her appointed place to answer their question. Her hair was as usual smoothed and perfectly capped on her shoulders. Her warm, friendly smile was as false as her identity. Natasha. In truth, her name was Natalia.

Anyway, she crossed her arms over her chest, showing her boredom and her impatience to be questioned.

"Why is there no news of Captain Rogers?" Asked one of the men of the congress. It was not her first hearing; she knew how to react and how and when she could use her usual phlegm. It was one of those moments.

Natasha took a deep breath as she looked up at the ceiling with annoyance to his question less than relevant. This was pretty obvious."I don't know what else to say. I believe that his plunge at the bottom of the Potomac speaks for him in this case." She hugged her arm clearly annoyed by the loss of time.

They had been here, they asked for answers and Natasha gave them the answers. Her real name, her actions as a KGB agent, all her secrets were now released to the public and analyzed, criticized. The upstream of the press in the room had the gift of adding more pressure on her shoulders. Not that she could not handle it. It just made her want to take Dan's offer on that glass. She could definitely use a shot of vodka right now.

"Perhaps he can explain to us how he hopes this country will ensure his national security because you have dismantled our intelligence services." The Congressman insisted reproachfully. Natasha wanted to laugh but the serious look on his face prevented her from yielding to her impulses. Instead, she used her sarcasm and attitude as usual.

"What information?" She asked in turn, holding back a scoff. "Hydra sold you lies."

"Lies that you take care to spread." The Congressman reminded, pointing at her with a knowing look. He knew exactly what he was doing and Natasha narrowed her lips to his allusion.

At the obvious jab, another congressional man took enough confidence to continue their little takeover on her."It happen Agent Romanoff that we're a few in the commission to have the feeling ... that given your state of service for our country and against it ... your place is more in a penitentiary than in a senatorial commission."

Natasha took a moment to answer, making her thoughts before answering with confidence."You will not put me in jail." She paused for the dramatic effect before letting a small smirk curl the corner of her pink lips."You will not put any of us in prison." She arched a mocking eyebrow as she kept eye contact with the congressman."You know why ?"

"We would be curious to know."

"You need us." Assured Natasha without losing an ounce of confidence as she tilted her head."Yes, the world is vulnerable. And we're responsible, partly. But we're also the most qualified to defend it." She paused feeling her attitude back in full force. She had answered enough questions."You want to throw me in prison? Go ahead. You know where to find me."

Getting out of her chair, she turned to face the hordes of press people. All of them were shoving microphones and cameras into her face while she was trying to move through the doors.

_Now she really needed that drink with Dan._

* * *

Pain.

That was all Steve could record at this point. His whole body was on fire and the pounding beating like a soft whisper along his body was the only thing he could fully record. There were some points where the pain was stronger. Notably the places where he was shot and his face. _Right, Bucky._ He winced at the memory like the images of the last moments before the total emptiness reappeared in his mind before bursting into his first memories after his awakening. The soft music surrounding him, the presence of Sam sat on his left and his weak attempt at a joke before succumbing again in the void.

Another burst of pain pulled along his body, letting him become more and more alert of his condition. He became more and more aware of his surroundings, letting him become aware of the needles sticking along his body and the stable sound of a monitor.

Almost instantly, his mind searched for himself for Dan's voice. He forced himself to wake up, to see her, but one of his stupid eyes seemed unable to fulfill his role. Still, he pushed through the pain knowing that he had survived much worse. His only goal at the moment was to see Dan again and make sure she was fine. He could remember her voice during all his time in nothingness. It was as if her voice rocked him in a sense of confidence. He knew she was there, waiting for him to wake up.

He needed several painful blinks so that he could completely take in his surroundings. He was in the hospital, he could easily guess, but a quick scan of the room showed him that Dan was nowhere in sight. Swallowing the lump of pain down his throat, he turned his head to the side just to see Sam sitting in a chair with a magazine between his fingers again.

The sound he made in his movement alerted him as he immediately raised his head with a broad smile."About damn time, man."

"Where's Dan?" He managed before clearing his throat. Sam's smile widened in a smirk as he raised an amused eyebrow.

"Well, it's nice, loverboy. I see you're happy to see me." He commented as he rested the magazine on his thighs. He gave him a quick analysis before turning his mocking eyes on him. He could probably have seen impatience and nervousness on his face."It was my turn. She came back to take a shower and change."

He left a low laugh for his earlier comment clearly relieved to know that Dan was fine and that she was probably on her way to see him. Sam used a small remote control to lift his bed to allow him to sit down.

"So ... how long?" He asked, clearing his throat.

"Three days." Sam replied with a nod, then shrugged. "You did not miss much." He assured."Just clean-up, people recovery, you know the state and the press ballistic going with the discovery of SHIELD dump data ... the usual."

Steve shook his head in realization clearly aware of the scope this had to have on the country and the authorities. Nevertheless, he did not regret for a moment.

_He had done what was right._

* * *

Pulling my new car recently acquired in a visitor spot of the car park, I cut the contact before resting my forearms on the steering wheel to be able to rest my forehead on it. Since the announcement of Steve's awakening, I had been unable to get any respite for myself. It seems that my brain had been in complete overdrive.

_I kept thinking about what it meant to us._ _What he wanted to happen between us. What I wanted between us. Everything had seemed a lot more real once I had learned that he was waking up.  
_

Drawing in a few deep breaths, I did not lift my head until I felt calm enough.

When I woke up this morning, I felt knots form along my stomach at the mere thought of finding myself face to face with Steve. It did not change in the last days except that he would be awake this time. It was one thing to interact with him unconscious, quite another to actually speak with him.

I let a new nervous breath leave my lips as I opened my eyes just to fall on my thighs covered in high-waisted black skinny jeans with a light black cashmere sweater tuck into the belt. The V-neckline showed the simple necklace supporting the coin-shaped pendant.

I finally straightened up giving a glance at my reflection through the inside rearview mirror. My wide brown eyes were a little more expressive thanks to the light makeup I had applied before coming. For some reason, I had applied a little more effort in my appearance. My hair was in their usual natural curls and framed my face leaving me trapped my troublesome locks behind my ears.

Once satisfied with my reflection, I bent down to grab my long, bright red coat before opening the door to make my exit. I took a moment to put on my coat, clearly choosing any situation to delay my entry before stooping to take my clutch.

The more I walked towards the doors of the hospital, the more I became aware of my heart hammering against my ribcage. I was trying to ignore my emotions all over the place before going to the reception desk just by habit now. I did not know most of the armed guards on my way. I had come far enough to not have to go through the tedious identification process.

Walking through the corridors, I was not long in crossing my arms on my chest in a defense mechanism. I could feel the nerves alive under my skin with each step leading me a little closer to his room. I was content to offer a simple military salute to the guard closest to his room before taking note of the blinds pulled. I assumed he wanted to get some privacy now that he was awake. That was enough to send me into a new whirlwind of nerves. I stopped in front of his door, eyeing the handle with a ball of anxiety along my throat.

As normal, I would have just made my way inside without bothering to hit but for some unknown reason, I felt like an intruder right now. So, I clenched my fist before hitting the window lightly. The step agreement was immediate on the other side letting me straighten my shoulders in self-consciousness. The simple effect was enough to send my heart rhythm into a completely erratic pattern. It was so loud in my ears that I was afraid Steve could hear it on the other side of the door.

"Come in." Sam's voice fluttered on the other side before he opened the door giving me a slightly surprised look."Since when do you have manners?"

I gave him a scathing look before miming a grimace at the agreement of the sweet melody emanating from the room."Marvin Gaye? Again?"I let a long sigh as I could feel the nerves give way to boredom. "Do you know how much time I spent to make him discover good music? And you, you made him listen ... God, you're unbelievable!"

However, the sudden sound of a familiar laugh stopped me in my ramble. Unsurprisingly, my heart reacts by itself in my chest with this simple comforting sound. I immediately raised my head, ignoring the suggestive shrug of Sam's eyebrows before going over him in eagerness.

At the sight of Steve, I stopped again as all the recent events leading to his hospitalization resurface in my mind. Including my episodes of panic.

"Hey stranger." He greeted with a warm smile as he cut off the music coming from the Ipod resting on his bedside table. "I began to believe that you wouldn't come." His tone was light and teasing, but I could easily feel the relief in his bright blue eyes. He sincerely thought that I was not going to come? Now I felt even more guilty. He waited for me. He was the one in a hospital bed and I made him wait. God, I was really the worst person in the world.

He was inclined in his bed to make him more comfortable and several tubes and wires were still hanging along his arms. The slight stable beep of the heart monitor resonated around us with the drops of the IV. He was still wearing that infamous hospital gown revealing his bruised arms. His hands were resting on his covered thighs and a newspaper lay beside him. The skin around his eyes was swollen and turning in a massive black and blue mark. There were still some cuts along his face.

Meeting his bluish orbs also taking in my face, I shrugged my shoulders, sheepish."Yeah, I'm probably the worst of all your gi-f-friends. Yeah ,friends. I bet they've all been here before."Not only did I not know how to call myself but I could feel the emotion ball build up along my throat. Just like the tears flowing behind my eyes.

"It's okay, it's been a rough couple of days." Assured Steve with a confused look at my stretched position before posting a broad look at the agreement of my laughter.

I shook my head becoming more and more frustrated as I could hear my cracked voice under the threat of tears. "Look at you, you're the one in a hospital bed, beaten, hurt and-and you reassure me? Do you have a knack for the worst people in this world? Or maybe you took a blow too much on the head? God, do you want the truth? I didn't even know if I wanted to come because I could not handle the fact that I had fallen in love with you and that I love you and ... and I did everything to delay this meeting because ... "I was finishing in a total loss of control as the valves ended up opening up letting me totally succumb to a mess of tears."And now I'm crying ... god, I-I hate crying. Why I'm crying! I'm so sick of crying!"

I could feel my knees threatening to let go by letting me get close to Steve's bed before letting myself fall against his mattress, being careful not to hurt him further. I was perhaps an emotional mess of sobs but I could still pay attention to what I was doing. I let my bag fall to my feet before taking my face in my hands as I was shaking under the effect of my sobs. I was fucking ashamed for my moment of weakness and I could not really imagine Steve's reaction.

Anyway, I definitely did not expect to suddenly feel a hand on my forearm before being drag against a familiar wide chest."Hey, hey, hey."Steve murmur against the crown of my hair as he hugged me, letting me sob in his hospital gown."It's okay. It's okay, Dan."I raised my head about to contradict him only he took my chin between his thumb and forefinger to force me to look at him. "I'm fine, Dan. You're here now. That's all that counts."

I winced through my tears before using my hand to wipe the tracks along my cheeks as I could feel my sobs diminish in ugly sniffles. I turned away my eyes as I could feel shame at my act of weakness before feeling Steve's hand again along jaw.

The latter forced me to support his eyes again allowing me to swallow with my trembling lips."Wow, I can't believe I just had a nervous breakdown in front of you."

"Really?" He asked, pausing as if in thought before resuming."I think it's a progress. Don't you think?"

I narrowed my eyes at the slight mockery dancing in his blue eyes before giving him a slight shove in his shoulder pulling him a grimace."God, you're really a baby."

"A baby ? I am pretty sure I have every right to complain." He defended with a raised eyebrow making me wipe away the rest of my tears with a small smirk. However, the sight of the blond stealing his eyes from my brown eyes to my lips shouted at me again as he left a nervous murmur. "Did you really fall in love with me?" He looked back into mine, letting me look up into the realization.

I tried to detach myself from his embrace only he just tightened his grip around me leaving me to look away instead. I chewed the inside of my cheek in nervousness before trying to dispel the conversation."Is that really all that you have withheld? God, you have a selective mind, Stevie."

His laugh forced me to look at him with an arched eyebrow before seeing him nod his head more confidently.

I rolled my eyes despite the creeping blush along my cheeks before feeling my heart beat faster along my chest at his whisper. "But it's all that matters, right?"

"You should know that the least of my statements matter. I am important like that." I replied arrogantly in an attempt to change the focus out of my stupid statement in the spur of the moment.

"Good to know." Steve whispered in a laugh before turning my face to him again to make eye contact with a smile on the corner of his lips. "For the record, I love you too."

I felt my breath stuck in my throat as I lifted my eyes in hers before taking a step back as I composed my expression. "Is that a joke? Because if it's a joke, I could kill you, you know? I could-"

I did not really have time to finish my sentence since his lips were suddenly on mine letting me melt in the kiss. I ignored the roughness of his chapped lips or even the cuts under my fingers as I put my palm against his jaw before closing my eyelids. I let myself be totally intoxicated by his intoxicating aroma before feeling my mind completely foggy as he withdrew. I had to take a moment to fully regain my senses before opening my eyes again just to see an amused smile on his lips.

I immediately narrowed my eyes at him, pointing at him."You did it on purpose."

"You spoke too much." He said, shrugging one shoulder before grimacing slightly in the reminder. Nevertheless, he took my hand to place a chaste kiss in the hollow of my wrist before raising his eyes on my face."It's not a joke, Dan. And I know you're expecting an old-fashioned talk but-"

This time it was my turn to interrupt him with a kiss as I took his face in my hands before laying my lips against his. I took advantage of his surprise to slip my hand down his neck before playing absently with his hair as I deepened the kiss slightly. I slid my tongue down his lower lip asking for entry.

Surprisingly, Steve greeted my kiss with almost as much fervor as he squeezed me closer with his palm against my shoulder blade. I explored every corner of his mouth enjoying the touch of his tongue against mine in a battle for dominance before I back away by filing a chaste kiss against his lips. Steve tried to steal more kiss, pulling a light laugh of me against his lips. That was enough to challenge him as he leaned his forehead against mine letting me support his mesmerizing blue eyes again. I tried to catch my breath clearly again under the effect of the kiss before leaving a smile of contentment.

"I think we can afford to skip a step or two." Steve raised his eyebrows, leaving me watch him with a wide teasing smile on my lips."After all, you have a lot to catch up with. "

Steve let out a guttural laugh at my innuendo despite the slight blush on his cheeks before pulling me off with him as he rested against the pillows. I lay down beside him with my hand on his chest before just enjoying his reassuring aura. Even though there was still a lot of doubt and questions plaguing my mind, I was ready to let myself go for the moment.

_We're ready to leave the past behind and move forward with our lives._


	46. Running for love

_"I never want to stop making memories with you." Pierre Jeanty_

* * *

Resuming the course of his life was not an easy task for Steve. He had nothing left. Apart from Sam's hospitality and of course, Dan. She was now all he needed to be honest. The only one that really mattered to him. But he also had a very different purpose that he wanted to accomplish. He had to find Bucky again.

Natasha had provided him with information she could find at the KGB, and Dan's investigation had been far more useful than he imagined.

Obviously, she had really focused her research on his childhood best friend. And he was somewhat dubious about her involvement in his own search for his best friend. He knew she just wanted to help but that didn't stop him from worrying for her. He just could not help but worry about her. He knew she was not really the same as before.

She seemed happy and god knew how happy he was, but there were times when he was not so sure of himself. There were times when Dan stared into space as if she were immersed in an old memory. It was as if their role had been reversed. He was the one who pushed her to speak and she was the one who struggled under his analysis.

So this was not prescribed given his condition but he had decided to resume his routine. It consisted of resuming his daily morning run. He could not have been more relieved to get the doctor's green light so he took the opportunity to sneak out of Sam's house whenever he had the chance.

Restricting and stretching his muscles was a welcome change after all those weeks of forced shutdown at home. As much as he enjoyed lounging on Dan's couch trying out all the takeaway food in her neighborhood, he needed to take back his life. And Dan too to be honest.

He knew full well that she was using his condition to lock herself with him. And that was really, really good. In fact, the word Amazing popped into his mind when he thought of his time with Dan. Despite the fact that he would like to be able to take her on a real date instead of hiding in the security of her apartment as two teenagers. It was Natasha's only condition when she gave him this file on Bucky.

The only thing he could do to please her would be to really enjoy his time with Dan and not wait. Never wait again.

Deciding to see how far he could push himself. He settled on a light jog to start. Controlling his breath, he allowed himself to observe the surrounding landscape contrary to usual. He focused on his heartbeat and motion of his legs as he picked up a little speed. He felt the hood of his sweater fall during the process as he circulated between cars in Sam's neighborhood.

He had always been amazed by the ease with which he could run after the serum. Even more when he was undergoing such events as the Valkyrie crash and now the Helicarriers.

A light layer of sweat settled down his back as he could feel the blood pumping through his veins as well as the faster heartbeat beat in his chest. The wind whistled in his ears as he watched the awakening of the city little by little.

Time passed, fluidly sliding by as he sank a little deeper into the city until he reached a familiar neighborhood. His old neighborhood to be more exact.

He slowed his run to a mere jog again before spotting a florist he used to pass during his return of ops.

At the reminder of a moment with Dan, he found himself crossing the road before making his way inside the florist. Dan was right in a way, he liked doing things old-fashioned.

The sound of a bell greeted his entrance, letting him look absently around him with the intoxicating smell of pollen infiltrating his nostrils. If he had been in his pre-serum phase, Steve would barely manage to get a foot in the shop before having an asthma attack.

Now he found himself really enjoying the place as he walked towards the cashier where an old woman was currently in the process of making a floral arrangement. She had a pair of glasses falling on her nose and her shoulders were hunched due to hours of hard work. Lines of laughter and slight wrinkles adorned her face, letting him imagine the busy life she had lived.

Probably sensing his presence, she finally raised her head with a broad smile."Oh, dear, I didn't even hear the ring."She apologized as a means of explanation before recovering as best she could."What can I do for you ?"

Realizing that it was actually his first time to buy flowers for a woman, Steve felt a light blush along his cheeks as he rubbed his hand down his neck.

"Uh ... would you have orchids?" He asked, somewhat uncertain to his action. He knew that Dan was not really for this kind of thing but usually she was pretty indulgent in these old methods. According to her, he was even amusing."It's ... uh for my-" _What was she? His girlfriend ? His friend ?_ Christ, he really needed to clarify the situation. Maybe they had skipped a few too many steps.

"Someone you hoped to become your girlfriend?" Suggested the old woman, letting his lips squint with a simple nervous nod. "I just got a shipment. They are all fresh." She told him to follow her before stopping in front of a ray of Orchids like the one Dan had shown him once."What do you think ?"

"I think I'll take the white ones." He stated as he made his choice with an excited little smile.

He arranged to pay for the flowers thanking the woman as she proposed to make a quick arrangement for him before giving him the bouquet. He could slightly smell a slight aroma reminding him of Dan.

Stopping for breakfast on the way, Steve hurried back to his old apartment complex. His apartment had been sealed after Fury's attack and most of his belongings had been moved to Sam's home after the authorities had made their investigations. Dan had informed him that Jay had been the only one to take charge of this task, lightening it slightly by the fact someone had gone through his business.

Nevertheless, he was somewhat grateful for the effort.

He barely spared a glance at his old apartment as he reached the corridor before stopping in front of Dan's door. Using the extra key, she had given him, he took charge of entering inside without bothering to knock. He crossed the hallway listening to Dan before pausing in the empty living room. He scans briefly the place looking for a sign of the brunette. He could see a still steaming cup of coffee stored on the kitchen counter.

Thinking that she probably had to be around, Steve walked over to the counter to put the bag of donuts next to her coffee."Dan? It's me Steve. You're here?"

"Behind you, idiot." Dan's playful voice suddenly sounded startling as he hastened to hide the bouquet behind his back. A nervous smile crossed his lips as he took in the sight before him.

Dan was currently in the process of drying her hair with a hand towel. During the many months in her company, Steve had seen many facets of Dan. Several outfits for her work and others a little more casual. It did not really matter to him; she was always breathtaking no matter what she was wearing. But over the last few weeks, he had realized that he particularly enjoyed the sight of her wet hair and her fresh face of a shower.

She gave him a confused look at his lack of reaction."Something wrong?"

"No. Nothing is wrong."Reassured Steve immediately before rubbing his neck nervously."Actually, I have something for you." At the sight of her slight frown, Steve took it upon himself to hand her the bouquet.

Steve noticed her expression changed almost immediately as she widened her eyes as she glanced between the flowers and him."You got me flowers?" She sounded surprised and for his greatest relief, happy with the attention as she accepted it to look at it more carefully.

"I did." He lightened his throat as he watched her plunge her nose into the flowers to feel them before turning timidly towards him by wedging a lock behind her ear.

For the first time, Steve had the pleasure of seeing that he was not the one to blush but Dan.

"You really didn't have to do that." She said with a small smile before hastening to add to the sight of his slight frown. "But I'm really glad you did it. Thanks, Stevie." She walked slowly toward him, letting him hold his breath as she climbed to her feet to kiss his cheek."And you brought back the breakfast?"

Steve glanced over his shoulder at the bag at her request before shrugging his shoulders with a shy little smile.

"God, you, you wanted something." Dan commented mockingly as she passed him to retrieve a vase under the sink before glancing at Steve over her shoulder. "Or you made a mistake. You have nothing to make you forgive, right?"

Steve nearly choked on his breath at her seriousness, letting him immediately shake his head in negation, flustred. "No, no, I-I mean yes but finally, no! I mean, no, I have nothing to be forgiven for."

"But you want something." Dan quickly guessed with an amused smile at his obvious embarrassment. She placed the vase containing the flowers on the counter as she gave him a curious look. "Spill it. What do you want big guy?"

He moved to the breakfast bar as he took a deep breath as Dan took charge of unpacking the contents of the bag he had brought."Well, I did have something to ask you."

"Mhmmhm ..." Dan whispered distractedly as she rubbed the crumbs of her hands before turning to the cupboards for an extra cup." Coffee ?" She did not really seem to be aware of his torment internally as he moistened his lips in nervousness.

"I-uh, yeah, please." He agreed before taking a breath as she served him his coffee. "Dan, would you like to go on a date with me tonight?"

She stopped dead in the process of pouring his coffee as she slowly looked up at him to support his azure look in surprise. He supported her gaze for a long time in anticipation. He should not be nervous, he already knew her feelings but knowing Dan and her strange behavior lately, he was somewhat agitated at the idea of her rejection.

He held his breath as she set the coffee maker on the counter before giving him a surprised look. "You want to take me on a date? Isn't it a little useless since we spent the last few weeks making out on my couch?"

Steve tried not to blush at her hint of their activity lately before swallowing as he dug his hands into the pockets of his basketball shrugged his shoulders, trying to be nonchalant about the situation as a whole."Right, maybe it's time to get out of your apartment."

He carefully observed her reaction in a baited breath, it was strangely disconcerting for him to know that she could reject him not because she didn't like him but because she didn't want to advance in their relationship. It was a concept he had never met before. And that had the gift of destabilizing him somewhat. Still, that always had so with Dan.

"To date." She whispered, taking her mug between her hands with a slight frown before allowing a small smile to slowly bend her lips. Steve felt his heart quicken at the mere sight of that smile. "I think I'd be really happy to go on a date with you, Stevie." He grinned at her reaction before going to pick up his cup of coffee.

* * *

With so little time, Steve made sure to arrange the perfect date for them. All the dates he had had, not that there had been many to be honest, had been double dates organized by Bucky. And he knew that none of them could have pleased Dan. It was just not her. He really wanted to organize something they could remember.

Even if she continued to send him texts to remind him not to overtake things or even to outdo himself for something extravagant. In the end, he just announced the time, the dress code before putting his phone on silent. A fact that Sam was quick to comment on how Dan complained about his lack of response. He clearly had the attention of swinging Dan out of her feet tonight and dare he saying, make her forget her dates with Ben.

At exactly eight pm on the dot, Steve buzzed up to her apartment just to be surprised to hear Robbie's voice on the intercom." Hello ? Robbie the whale speaking? "

Laughing in surprise, Steve pressed the other button to speak."Hey, it's Steve ... Rogers. "

"Steve! The man of the day!" Robbie exclaims enthusiastically clearly on a roll. "You know you're very lucky tonight!"

He let out a laugh before shaking his head."It seems like."

With what had happened, he had not really thought about Robbie and Davis. They seemed so far from their lives now. Nevertheless, he found himself laughing with her as she told him that Dan was playing hard to choose her outfit.

She let him in, letting him take the stairs eagerly.

He gave one last look at his outfit once on her landing, he had not really been too out of his comfort zone. Sam had helped him a bit on this department. He knew that kakis were a big no-no just like his plaid. So, he had opted for a gray fitted trousers with a navy long-sleeved sweater also fitted.

Once satisfied with his appearance, he clenched his fist before hitting the surface lightly. The sound of footsteps on the other side called out to him before he heard the opening of the door.

"Hey, Steve! Come in." Announced Robbie almost dragging him in the apartment before taking the lead."She's almost ready. She just had to agrees to wear those heels that I lent her and it will be perfect."

"I'm not going to wear those heels!" He heard Dan shout from her room, letting him smile more.

"God, this girl!" Blowed Robbie turning to him finally letting him have a real glimpse of her belly. _And man, was she bouncy!_ It was phenomenal the way she had taken shapes compared to the last time he had seen her."Ha, I know. I'm huge. Believe me, if he doesn't come out soon, I might have to do it myself."

"Ha, shhh! Leave my nephew or niece alone." Dan suddenly said as she stepped into the room allowing Steve to finally get a glimpse of her outfit. She leaned slightly to speak to Robbie's prominent hump. "Don't listen to your mom. Stay as long as you want. But not too long either."

He was completely speechless as he took in her dressed trousers marking her bounced ass and wasp waist. She had brought in a white silk shirt with a low-cut plunging into the waistband of the flared trousers at her ankles. Her long brown curls were now smooth and tamed in a low ponytail and her lips were brightly intoxicating. He could feel his throat becoming dry at the mere sight of her beauty. She looked absolutely breathtaking.

Noting his reaction long before Dan, Robbie cleared her throat with a smirk as she called out to her best friend. She immediately raised her head before following her gaze just to feel a blush along her cheeks at the sight of Steve's intense gaze.

She straightened, straightening her shirt in self-consciousness before taking on his appearance."My, my, my, don't you look dashing, Stevie."

"You!" Robbie intervened immediately, hitting her arm, breaking their silent exchange."It's up to the man to pay the compliment."

Steve widened his eyes at the realization before giving a smile despite himself as Dan hastened to interrupt him with a roll of her eyes. "If you follow her archaic advice, so God help me ..."

"Good Lord, good luck with her!" Robbie sighed as she turned to Steve before signing Dan over her shoulder. "Don't listen to her. Even if she struggles, she will go where you go, she is crazy in love with you."

"Robbie!" Dan exclaimed in embarrassment and disbelief before sighing as she watched the brunette leave the apartment.

All this time, Steve had not once looked away. She finally turned to him with a sheepish smile. "No chance to erase the last five minutes of your memory?"

"I'm not sure I want it." He admits with a teasing smile. He did not know if Robbie had done it as a confidence boost but her statement certainly helped with his nerves."So, you ready? "

"Let me put on my shoes." She said before surprising him as she ran towards her room. The pants turned around her ankles, letting him laugh in response.

After leaving the apartment, Steve ordered an uber on his own automatically receiving comments from Dan about his also joked that she had less and less material for grandpa jokes, but he knew it was a disguised compliment.

During the ride, he could feel Dan playing distractedly with his thumb. Once in the Uber, he had not really had time to take the first step that she had already tie their hands together. She seemed a bit nervous and obviously out of her comfort zone. He could already say it. It had the gift of making him nervous in his turn. He definitely did not want to screw up. It was not his attention. He tried to distract her with a slight conversation.

The November air was cool and dry as he helped him out of the car. She looked up at DC's observatory with a slight frown. The lights were out and the place seemed partially deserted. He could already see the wheels working in her mind. Her eyes changed from the building for him, curious and slightly confused.

"I know you have a penchant for the stars." He explained, getting a smile from Dan.

"I don't want to play the poop, but you're aware that the observatory is closed at this time, right?" She asked with a slight grimace of sympathy.

That was exactly the reaction he was waiting for. He really hoped to surprise her tonight."I know. But not tonight. Not for us at least."

She raised her eyebrows at the point of questioning him, letting him drag her with him to the entrance."Maybe I asked Natasha to help me on this one. She made some contact still on her side after ... well-"

"And if we didn't talk about ... you know." She waved her hand, let him shaking his head with a grateful smile."So, did you book the place or something?"

A wide secret smile appeared on his lips as he opened the door for her before following her into the room plunged into complete darkness. He hastened to turn on the lights revealing a table clearly set for two in the center of the observatory. The ceiling was open with views of the stars.

Once at their table, Steve removed the bells containing their dinner, remembering to thank Natasha for this little surprise. He had planned to take her to a small Italian restaurant but it was even better. He really thought that was going awkward at first, but the mere sight of her shining eyes taking in all of their surroundings was enough to appease him.

"Steve, it's ... wow." She whispered, showing another facet marveling of herself.

He put the bottle of wine down after serving her before taking her hand in hers to get her attention. He could feel her heart speeding up under her skin."You're beautiful, Dan. Stunning actually."

"Charmer." Dan commented with a slight blush along her cheeks before surprising him again as she turned their hand to crisscross their fingers. She gave him a slight squeeze before raising her eyes to meet his azure eyes."Are you sure you have never had any experience with women? Because it's more like the date you've prepared. And all this in the space of an afternoon."

Steve gave a laugh to her hint before narrowing his smile into a sheepish grin."Maybe I thought about that date long before I invited you."

Dan let a small smile curl her lips as she held his gaze. They both fell in silence for a moment. None of them spoke but the exchange was enough. Steve was honestly transported by the way they did not even need to speak to understand each other.

Finally, the conversation resumed like most of the last days. He took advantage of telling her stories he had not yet had time to tell her. In return, Dan tried to share as much as he did. Even though most of her happiest memories were with Ben. Instead, she told him stories of her childhood and adolescence. Her college years and her crazy years with Robbie.

When they were finished with dinner, they moved to the seats arranged to enjoy the view. She rested her head against his shoulder as Steve intertwined his hand with her on his thigh.

They continued their conversation in a deeper, more thoughtful and definitely stranger sense as the hours went on. Soon enough, Steve could feel Dan's head swinging on his shoulder, letting him look at her with a small smile at the sight of her sleepy expression.

He took it beyond himself to pull his jacket off his shoulders before covering her as he helped her to stand."I think it's time."

"Mhm, can we come back?" Dan asked with an adorable pout.

Steve nodded his head with a small smile clearly happy to have made his bet. He timidly brought his arm around her waist in hesitation before bringing her to his side to her lack of objection. Dan immediately gave a small smile to his gesture but stayed on her little cloud during the whole trip back.

"I have to say, Stevie, you did well." Dan finally complimented with a small smirk. "You could almost make me appreciate going on date."She grinned at him.

"Does that mean I could take you back again on a date?" He asked with a confident smile.

In response, Dan rolled her eyes to his obvious question."I thought it was pretty obvious."

When they got back to her apartment, he walked her up to her door. She shrugged out of his jacket and handed it back to him. Both of them paused before the door and she turned to look at him with a soft smile.

"I think that's the moment you kiss me goodnight." Dan said, sensually approaching him before reveling in the sight of his blush as she put her hands on his chest.

He reacts by instinct as he put his hands around her waist to fill the space between them.

Her intoxicating breath fantasized on his lips as he supported her warm brown gaze as he murmured, under the spell."Looks like it."

Without taking another moment, he put his lips on her. They kissed many times before but it felt different. It was nothing compared to this one. The context and the evening they had just spent seemed to bring a special charm. It was soft and tender, full of feelings. He pushed himself for a moment before kissing her again. She tasted the wine and vanilla of their desert. There was a slight sweetness on her lips due to her lipstick and Steve decided here and now that it was his new favorite combination.

She kissed him back with her hand on his neck before playing with his hair again at the beginning of his neck. He had quickly learned that it was her favorite occupation.

As their kiss continued, he found himself pushing Dan towards her door. He had no intention of kissing her that way or even exceeding any limits but they had been at it for weeks and he felt strangely enterprising and brave tonight. He felt Dan pulling her keys out of her clutch through the kiss, letting him come off in spite of himself.

Dan took a moment standing with her head down to catch her breath before biting her bottom lip as she looked back at him. She swallowed at the sight of his eyes darkened by lust and desire. "Do you want ... do you want to come inside?"

He nodded slowly still under the effect of their kiss before observing her as she opened the door. She took his hand in hers to drag him with her before turning on the lights in the living room. She nonchalantly threw her bag on the couch before giving a wide smile as she turned to him again with her hands on his shoulders to pull herself up. She reconnected their lips, leaving Steve to pick up where they left off.

The tenderness and sweetness of their kiss changed quickly in something more like they were trying to do for their lost time. Even though they had had many make-out sessions in recent weeks, it had never been that far. But Steve found himself not caring how his lips acted on his own. He went with his guts as he kissed the corner of her lips before descending along her jaw, into the junction between her jaw and earlobe.

At the agreement of a slight moan leaving her lips, Steve detached himself again by putting his lips on Dan.

Finally, Dan withdrew in a breathless breath clearly under the effect of his touch and his kisses. "Steve ... if you don't stop, I'm not sure I can stop."

"I know." Steve whispered, giving her a little smirk before bending down to kiss her."I don't want to stop." He stole another kiss from her before remembering to control himself in hesitation."Do you? "

"Oh, Stevie, you're so cute." Dan breathed with a smirk as she pulled him with her toward her room.


	47. Main attraction -M-

_"Feel the deepest part of me and I'll feel the deepest part of you. And afterwards we can lay there; bare and vulnerable, loathing in the sweet of our hot love." Mason Fowler_

* * *

Steve could feel his confidence diminish with each step they took toward the bed. His hands were back on a safer place and his kisses became less and less assured. A fact that Dan also lived on her side since she was not long in detaching from his embrace in the eagerness."Okay, okay, stop! Steve."

Steve jumped almost ten feet away from Dan at her tone."I'm sorry."

He widened his eyes in shame and surprise before feeling a slight heat spread over his entire body. He swallowed as he wiped his lips with the back of his hand before settling on the edge of her bed. He rested his hands on either side of him as he riveted his eyes on his feet in embarrassment and frustration. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing and he was unable to do his own role as a man. It was like he was back in his pre-serum phase.

However, the feeling of Dan's hand on his shoulder as she sat beside him immediately caught his attention. What he saw in her eyes surprised him all the more as she seemed to be in some way suffering the same torment as he.

"I'm sorry too." She whispered in a breath of laughter."I don't know why I reacted like that. I mean, I already sleep with men. Many times, even."Steve winced at her admission. It didn't help."But only a man made me discover what making love really meant." She put her hand on the hollow of his neck carefully before straightening up as she traced the outline of his lips with her thumb before giving him a thoughtful look."I really want it to be as so special for you."

Steve could feel his heart speeding up at her mere gesture as he stood up to her sincere eyes before bending to rest his forehead against her. Their breath became only one.

The electricity sooner was soon to reappear as Steve imitated her gesture against her lips. He could feel the heat coming back full force as Dan pull out the tip of her tongue to lick the tip of his thumb lightly. With him advancing bravely, his face still innocent and at the same time irresistible, her own worries seemed to be dissipating as well.

She advanced a little to him, taking the lead as she placed her hands on his chest before raising her arms around his neck in a circle. She caught his gaze, the hunger and lust shared by them both as she crossed his eyes darkened.

Wedging her finger in the collar of his sweater, Dan pulled him slightly toward her. Their lips fluttered one over the other, never really touching each other, but each breath sending chills down their necks.

"It's okay?" Dan whispered, her words reverberating on his own lips."Just tell me if you wanna stop and we'll stop."

"It's okay." Steve murmured in turn. It was something he wanted. Although it was not how he had imagined his first time, Dan was the right choice to share that moment."You?"

"I'm definitely fine." She whispered with a hint of a smile as she took his hands to place them on her body, one on her hips and the other on her thigh. She gave him a slight squeeze to encourage him.

He still remembered some conversation with Bucky. It was not a really common topic but he knew it was all about making his special partner feel loved. He took his time as he stepped towards her again, gently massaging her thigh before reconnecting their lips.

Despite their clothes, Dan could feel his warmth enveloping her. His breath tasted coffee and mint toothpaste. And because she was so warm, her body seemed literally on fire at the least of his contacts. Although it was not her first time, it had been a while since she had had such intimate contact with a man. And every beat of her heart seemed to intensify her need for Steve.

She moved again, biting her lip, once, twice, thrice before Steve got the courage to run his tongue gently across her lips. Dan gave him permission to explore her further. His tongue searching the hollows of her mouth, arms enfolding her securely closer to him, tensing when he felt her tongue join his. But Dan's quiet moan and her fingers tangling themselves in his hair gave him the nerve to deepen the kiss.

His mouth trailed down to her neck, softly kissing the skin and hearing her again let out a sigh at the sensation. While he kissed and sucked against the skin, his hand moved up from her hip to her chest, resting right under her breast. She wrapped her hand around hers in response before raising it to lay it on her breast. She kept her hand on hers for a moment before giving him another squeeze of encouragement. He began to gently squeeze and massage her breast over her blouse.

At the last moment, Dan pulled back slightly before tugging at the bottom of his pull."Take this off."

He followed her instructions, pulled his sweater back into self-consciousness before dropping it in a corner of her room. Taking a moment to take in his muscle and tonic limb glory, Dan bit her lower lip slightly as she let her fingers drag along the curves and crevices of his chest. He was all flowing muscle and taut edges, that slim waist leading up to those wide shoulders.

Dan leaves a small, teasing smile as she looks up into hers. "God, it looks like a fucking Photoshop."

"I don't think I know that reference." Steve answered, making her laugh a little. She stepped closer to him before leaning against the skin of his chest to let her tongue drag along the collarbone, , her breath so incredibly warm and arousing. He felt her teeth nip, her tongue trace and her lips taste everything that was him. Her lips moved up his neck, him lowering his head so their lips could meet again. Her kiss turned fervent, filled with need and he kissed her back.

All of their senses were heightened and they were aware of every kiss, every breath, every moan. His hands moved up her back as hers moved across his back.

Desiring more friction, Dan ran one leg on each side of him before sitting down on his thighs as she thrust her hands into his hair. His lips trailed kissed from her lips down to her chin then down her throat, stopping right where she kept her blouse. He put his hand on his shoulders before tracing the neckline of her cleavage in hesitation.

Plunging his gaze into her warm brown eyes, he pulled away slightly to pull some silk from her blouse over her shoulder. He reproduces the same with her other side before placing a chaste kiss on her collarbone, then the top of her breast before returning her eyes to Dan as to judge her reaction.

The latter helped her to remove her blouse, letting it fall behind them before giving Steve time to take in her generous bosom. She pushed him again in a hurried kiss. His hands moved up her bare skin, palming at her breasts over her bra, becoming a little bit surer with his actions. She rolled hers hips up against him and her fingers went to tug at the hair on the back of his head.

She moved her kiss along his jaw before whispering against his ear."Do it."

She was breathless, her lungs begging for air, but she refused to give them that. She needed Steve, his touch, and his skin against was taking his time, almost like he was trying to memorize everything.

Hesitantly, Steve managed to unclip her bra, helping him pass one arm and then the other out of the underwear before it joined the rest of their tops. Their bare chest met, each of them holding back a shiver. He seemed hesitant at first, but the contact of her skin against his was enough to assure him somewhat. He squeezed his hold on her back to bring her closer, taking advantage of the soft and intoxicating touch of her skin against his. Her chest arched up into his touch and she encouraged him to do more, which was how his mouth found her nipple. He swirled his tongue around before sucking gently and making her moan. Sensing her struggle to breathe, he trailed his lips between her breast and to her collarbone, carefully nipping her soft skin.

Dan took the lead again as she pushed lightly over his shoulders. Compiling at her request, Steve fell against her mattress, taking her with him. The rebound of her breasts against his chest was enough to make him gasp.

Dan broadly smiled as her hands moved to quickly unbuckle his pants. She went down his thighs to allow him to completely remove his pants before taking care to dispel the closure of her own pants. She dropped it at her feet, leaving Steve to drink in her naked glory with his dry throat.

She took the opportunity to straddle him again, grinding her hips down onto his lap, her kiss capturing his low noise of surprise. She pressed her hands into his chest as she moved her mouth down from his lips to his chest. Kissing down his chest, she got to his abdomen and pause at the edge of his boxers.

Steve straightened up on his elbows to see that Dan had sat down on his knees, her hands sliding for his hips before stopping on the band of his boxers. His torso went up and down with every quick breath he took, but his stomach tightened again at the mere thought of what was coming next, he was about to be very naked in front of her. He knew he was no longer that skinny kid from Brooklyn but built hero.

Her hands slowly pushed down his boxers, eyes meeting his with a wicked grin. She leaned forward to kiss him as she pushed down his boxers far enough for him to kick them off the rest of the way. Then, without warning, her hand moved to wrap around him. He involuntarily let out a moan at the feeling of her hand. It was different than anything he had ever experienced before. Her hand was cool against its length, but her touch was light. She dragged her hand up and around him as she moved to his neck to suck against a sensitive spot, he wasn't even aware he had.

She smiled against his skin has his reaction. She took a real pleasure in torturing him with her hands. She continued to twist and pumped her hand around him. When her thumb swiped against him, his hips jerked up against her. Dan's smile widened with a simple gesture. She looked at him sensually under her eyelashes as she saw his fists clutch the sheets so hard that they threatened to tear. His grunts and low moans were like sweet music to her ears.

Wanting to give him the real deal instead of foreplay herself, she got down from his thighs again before kneeling on the floor before putting a kiss to the tip, making him jolt harshly.

"Dan ... fuck!" He hissed with his Brooklyn accent slipping on his words.

Remembering it was his first time, Dan released him after some extra push-ups. He let out a shaky breath and unfurled his fists from the sheets. She falls back to his side, placing her hand on his chest before giving him a look, a small smile playing on her lips to his eyes.  
Steve let out another slow breath before standing up with his blue eyes almost blue midnight under her effect. He pulled himself away from her to take in her body. Her perfect skin, the swells of her breast, each one a perfect mount. His breath caught in his throat as he lowered his lips to her shoulders, slowly moving down with each movement, taking in her reaction to him, becoming a little more sure of himself. Steve's hands were suddenly everywhere. First her waist, then up to her arms, her chest. Her fingers tangled in his hair as he kissed and nipped, encouraging him the whole time.

He moved so he could roll over her, placing her down against the pillows and trapping her in between his hands and legs.

Dan bit her lip at the sensation of his body so close to her. A familiar warmth exploding along her lower abdomen as he kissed her, his hands sliding to her hips to the waist of her panties. While Dan was distracted by his eager kisses, his fingers slid down his panties before gently pulling it down She lifted her hips up for him to have an easier time removing it. Breaking the kisses, he moved back so he could take it off all the way, letting it drop to the floor.

Steve paused at the sight in front of him. God, she was a marvel. Her curves and shapes seemed just right for him. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest as he walked slowly. He could see some scars on her chest, letting his fingers delicately trail along some of them before reconnecting their lips again and again, each other's taste blending in one.

Recalling Bucky's advice about a woman's pleasure, he slowly slid his hand toward the lower part of her body. He knew it was all about making the lady feel so much fun. Steve slid his right hand between them and between her thighs.

She seemed to be trembling at his mere touch, letting him look at her in a sign of question."It that okay? "

"Yes, more than okay." She breathed, closing her eyelids. She seemed completely at his mercy right now and it was a new facet of who was always in control seemed to be totally relying on him right now.

It was enough to boost his confidence as he trailed over her and slipped one finger inside her, all while kissing down her bare shoulders. Her mouth dropped open and her head dropped backward, the angle and the thickness making her lose it for a moment. His thumb sought out her sensitive spot-her loud moan alerting him to the fact he found it. Steve was as lost in the moment as Dan. Her grunts and the sight of the pleasure on her face brought new sensations along his body. He began to kiss her chest, her stomach, before going down her legs. His breath was sending chills up her spine and sending her into overdrive.

He experimented in order to learn she liked and how she like it. She was not really vocal but her demonstrations and her expressions were enough to let him know what he was doing. She whispered his name like a soft lullaby, letting her legs wrap around his neck to amplify his touch before squeezing the bed sheets into her fists.

Dan realized he was really good at that. He took his time and tested each of her reactions to make the moment as pleasant for her as for him.

"God, Steve!" She gasped in pleasure and ecstasy.

Her orgasm hit her hard, letting out a moan as her grip on his hair tightened and her legs squeeze around him. She fell back against the pillows with a sigh of satisfaction, released Steve from her legs and gave him a look between her eyelashes as he went up to her side. The sight of her slightly reddened face of pleasure and her brown waves framing her face like a kind of halo was a real vision for Steve. She was beautiful. One of the most beautiful women he had ever met.

Steve shifted so he was sitting up on his knees in between her open legs. He learned forward, placing hands on either side of her head so as not to crush her.

"Who would have thought that our conversations about sex would lead to this moment?" Dan asked, raising her hand to rest on his cheek. She caressed his jaw with her thumb."Definitely not me."

He learned to kiss her softly, but soundly before murmuring with conviction and earnestness."I want you. All of you. I love you and I want you as an equal."

Dan was a little nervous as she swallowed at the feeling of her heart pounding against her chest. Reacting to instinct, she crossed her hand with hers before bringing it over her heart."You feel ? My heart will burst."

Steve answered with a soul crushing kiss, the sudden force firing a small grunt of Dan. Dropping off the kiss, Dan helped him as best she could. Once he was ready, he slid his fingers down her legs before taking her knees carefully. He lined up carefully at her entrance before slowly pushing inside her. She let out a small grunt at the feeling of his veined length filling her. God, how she missed the feeling.

He immediately raised his eyes in hers to her silence."Dan? Am I hurting you?"

"I'm fine. More than fine." She halted before reversing the roles as she gave him a concerned look."You? How are you feeling?"

He swallowed as he took an experimental thrust. She immediately supported herself on his broad shoulders in response. His slight grunt sending her further on a small cloud of bliss.

"Never been better." He murmured before thrusting in again. She released a new sound of pleasure pulling a grin of Steve.

Adjusting around Steve with her knees slightly bent to take more of his length, she let Steve go deeper inside her. She let him adjust on his own, find his marks, and left new noises as a result. Opening her eyelids to make contact with Steve, she was surprised and at once turned one more by his intense gaze.

As he picked up his pace, he buried his face into her neck. It was like the world tilted on its axis and he experienced all these new sensations for the first time. The sound she made was enough to push him further on the edge. Her tight walls against him intensifying his pleasure as he could feel his breath becoming worked. He pushed her hip against the mattress to keep her in place before he slammed into her.

Thinking that Steve had had enough of his game alone, Dan hastened to join the game by swinging her pelvis to meet his thrusts. The look of pleasure and his gasps became much more audible to the sensation of her body meeting his. She stood on his shoulders, her back and her waist as she met each of his thrusts fervently.

"Dan ..." He breathed out, dragging his face against her hair before picking it up to look at her. "I don't ... I don't know how long ..." He gasped as she met him again halfway with a nod.

She pressed her hands against his cheeks, getting him to look at her."Don't hold back. Come for me, Steve."

He nodded, biting his lower lip as his eyes fluttered closed before altering his rhythm. He let out a groan and his grip on her hips became tighter as he came. She let out a gasp at the feeling and he lets himself fall slightly into the hollow of her neck to catch his breath. His body slumped on top of hers, his full weight resting on her for a moment as he came down from his high. She ran her fingers through his hair, murmuring and professing her love into his ear and pressing soft kisses along his shoulder.

"God, I missed this!" She gasped, leaving Steve gasping for laughter. A real honest laugh.

"I don't think I can say as much." Steve whispered in laughter.

Dan mimed a nonchalant grimace before shaking her hand in the space, drawing a new smile from Steve."Meh, we have plenty of time to put you on the page."

He fell into a new laughter letting Dan enjoy the atmosphere between them. The room was thick and smoked heavily of sex. But it was nice to have a warm body against her again.

Steve ends up pushed onto his hands and pulled out before moving to lay down next to her. A slight silence fell between them as Dan straightened herself before leaning over him to reach her bedside table. She took out a pack of cigarette before pinching a white stick between her lips. To her surprise, Steve felt confident enough to pick up the package from her hands and the lighter before lighting her cigarette. Dan sustained his intense gaze throughout the process before taking her first puff with a small smile.

A smile that Steve hastened to copy as he took a stick of the pack for himself. The smell of smoke soon mingled in the room, letting Dan lean against the headboard.

Steve soon joined her side letting Dan take in Steve's offered view, naked, still slightly shining from their activity and pulling a puff from his cigarette. He was definitely a sight for the eyes. But he was more than that for her, she had just made love and it was amazing. Not only because he had trusted her with something so precious to him, but also because she had let herself go completely in his arms.

"What's on your mind?" Steve asked suddenly, his voice weak and almost nervous. Almost scared to have taken all the pleasure and forget Dan in the process.

Noticing his discomfort, Dan mimed a fake grimace before giggling at the sight of his horrified gaze."Oh man, Steve. You worry a lot too much. Believe me, it was great." She pulled his arm to nestle in his sides before covering herself with the said arm. She then looked up to look at him with a suggestive smile."After all, I think I screamed your name once or twice."

And it was the truth. It was one of the best experiences she had ever had. She had never really had such a caring and eager partner to satisfy her. It was really nice to be listened to instead of being impressed.

Steve chuckle, taking a little pride in himself."So, it wasn't bad?"

"No. Not at all."Assured Dan taking another puff of her cigarette before giving him a curious look. "How was it for you?"

"What do you think?" He exclaimed with a sharp look. She gave him a little sheepish grin.

"Best experience ever so?" She concluded with an arched eyebrow on him. Steve nodded with a smirk. "You're welcome, big guy."

Suddenly, Steve giggled at her statement. It was in those moments when he realized how much he was in love with Dan. She always had this way of lightening an atmosphere or making things more intense. She was honestly the best thing that happened to him.

They fell quiet for a moment, both thinking about what just occurred. His tumb rubbing softly against her skin, Steve ventured a new look at Dan to see her eyes directed to her dresser. He followed her gaze into curiosity. There could be a slight trace of dust indicating that an object had been moved recently.

As if Dan had felt his eyes, she spoke again, breaking the peaceful silence between them."It was a picture of Ben and me." Steve tensed in spite of himself as he gave her a look in anticipation. _Did she regret?_"I removed it a week ago. Before that I was unable. And now, we have ... "

Swallowing, Steve managed to get the words out of his mind. "Did you ... did you regret it?"

"What? No." She answered immediately, her voice thin with emotion before she retreated to his side to support his gaze in the commotion."Oh god no. Steve, I don't want you to think ... you know what? It was stupid. Forget that I even said that."

She stood up leaving Steve to look at her bare back in a feeling of nervousness. He knew he had screwed up. That was why she was running away."Where are you going?"

"To pee." She replied, mastering a smile on her lips before pausing at the sight of his expression. She leaned on the edge of the bed before taking his hand in hers."I don't regret for a moment what just happened. I just want you to know it."

While she was busy in the bathroom, Steve tried to straighten up to put on his boxers again. He then wandered to the kitchen to catch a drink and before stopping in front of the fridge at the sensation of his belly claiming for food. He grabbed a jar of vanilla ice cream with two spoons of the drawer before returning to the room.

At the same moment, Dan made her way out of the bathroom before surprising him as she retrieved his sweater with a teasing look in his direction. "I hope you don't need it. Because he's mine now."

To demonstrate her point, Steve looked with a slight smile as she put it on before getting back on the bed waving her hands in his direction like a child. He left a slight chuckle thinking that she wanted to give him a hug only she took the jar of his hands at the last moment.

"Oh, that's how it was now?" Steve asked with a curious look in her direction.

Dan gave him a firm nod with her own dancing smile on her lips."Basic post-sex rule Stevie, food before the fellas."

Steve rolled his eyes as he sat down next to her before unscrewing the cap of his water bottle to take a sip. Dan was busy taking spoons after spoons of ice cream. Giving a new look at the dresser devoid of pictures, Steve cast a new look on Dan. He knew it was a bad topic of conversation after making love to her, but he wanted to be sure of her feelings. He did not want her to do that for him. It was too precious.

"You miss him ?" He asked, narrowing his lips to the side in hesitation and nervousness.

Dan immediately raised her eyes before frowning in disbelief."You really want to talk about my ex-husband who died after what we just shared?"

"No, not really." Steve winced, turning away his eyes before shrugging his shoulders. He was probably going to ruin the mood."It's just…"

"God, you really have no experience with women." Dan suddenly chuckled, catching him again by her reaction. He was thinking of triggering a tidal wave, but she seemed all but as she clung to his biceps before giving him a look suddenly taken aback."Oh my god, it was really your first time."

"You thought I was lying?" Steve asked at once, almost confused and horrified.

Dan immediately shook her head in negation before resuming in readiness and slight excitement."No, no, no, you don't understand. You were a virgin. I deflowered Captain America. I typed America's ass. I literally rendered a service to the nation."

Steve immediately left an amused scoff at her excited look before rolling his eyes to her patriotic comment. "Right. You should be listed in the history books."

"Damn right I should!" Dan agreed with a smile on her lips before hitting his shoulder lightly."Hey, it was sarcasm! Steve, look at you!You're even using sarcasm now."

"I had a good professor." He replied, shrugging his shoulders, raising a new suggestive smile from Dan. He shook his head at her dirty mind before surprising her as he wrapped his arms around her thin waist. He drew her to him enjoying the sight of his sweater on her before pulling her against his chest.

However, the sudden sound of a snort between her laughs was enough to make him pause. _She was ticklish._

Sensing his realization, Dan hastened to give him a warning look over her shoulder. "Don't. Steve, don-"

Before she could even finish, she let out another uncontrollable laugh. And then another and another one. They were totally ignorant of the world around them. They were just two lovers, enjoying the glow of post-sex. Completely careless and ignorant of the world continuing to turn without them.


	48. If you can't beat fear, do it scared

_"And when I loved you, I realized, I have never truly loved anyone I realized, I never will truly love anyone the way I love you." _

* * *

As ironic as it may seem to an ex P.I, the idea of staying under the radar was not really my forte. Just because I hated staying inactive. It was Natasha's idea but Steve was a fervent believer that she was right. Thus, he had given himself the responsibility to make me adhere to this idea. Sam and I being less recognizable than him we still had the right to use our credit cards and go out in the open but for him, Steve had to change completely. Especially in the wardrobe department. I was not really complaining; he could wear anything and that big idiot could still stay sexy like hell.

_A sexy piece of ass just for me._

The simple thought was enough to get me a smirk. I had to admit that after the night we had spent together things were much better between us, more natural. And the sex was great, fantastic. Maybe a bit too common given the muscle soreness running around my muscles but it was not really something I complained about to be honest. Steve had improved a lot over time and unlike the first time he was the only one to come, he had caught up with so many more times than I could count.

Not to mention that during the last weeks, we had been in a kind of honeymoon phase. In appearance, everything was perfect between us. He had taken me on more date, all more brilliant than the others. He made me dinner, made me laugh and filled me literally with happiness. He was doing exactly the same as the perfect boyfriend. He had his faults, of course. For starters, he was a bit too stubborn and cheesy for my taste. But it was defects that I had managed to surpass. In fact, he seemed even more cute to me. In appearance we were madly in love with each other.

On the other hand, on the emotional side, it was a real minefield. The more days passed, the more my feelings for Steve grew. So much so that I sincerely began to be afraid of the consequences. It was enough that I was in the vicinity of the blond and my heart was racing. And I did not even mention that stupid lack. Despite the fact that we had moved considerably closer together, we had agreed that it was best to stay in a separate dwelling. Maybe I was the only one to propose this arrangement. Again, I was simply unable to handle my feelings. Not when they seemed so strong and uncontrollable. I liked having control over things and Steve had completely thrown me out of my game since the very moment he'd come into my life. That was enough to make me realize how much my feelings seemed so much stronger than in my first few months with Ben.

With Ben everything was natural. We had progressed over time towards a love worthy of soulmates. But with Steve everything was more passionate, more intense. As if we couldn't do without one and the other. It was something totally different from what I knew and I hated this phase of the unknown because there was definitely something that I realized with him. I would not bear the thought of losing him.  
It was much stronger than the simple fear of losing a loved one or even reluctance to face my past with Ben. No, it was much stronger than that. It was as if I could never get up if I lost him.

So I had been trying to find an occupation to entertain my mind from my confusing feelings as well as spending time under the radar.  
Unfortunately I was not really doing a good job as I was currently planning some date ideas related to the list of things that Steve had to catch up with since his dive into the ice. He had left me his little notebook, letting me shake my head upstream of things he had to catch up with.

_I mean, Star Wars? The Berlin Wall ? And even worse, the moon landing? It was frankly sorry that he could not get to the front page long before.  
_

I chewed absently on the hood of my pen as I flipped through the proposals again on a new blank page. A movie marathon - we had already tried and said it was not over as I had planned. Not that I was complaining, the memory was still very memorable in my head.

I was not slow to sketch a new smart smile at the sudden appearance of a pretty graphic image in my head. I lost myself for a moment in recalling Steve's body sensation against mine before finally letting a long dreamy sigh.

_Who would have thought that I would become so dependent on his presence?_

Unfortunately, this sweet moment also had a bitter taste as it was enough to wake up my fears again. I could feel my smile diminish almost immediately in a frown. I removed the pen from my lips before letting it fall on the living room table. I raised my arms to stretch myself in an attempt to distract myself from my dreary thoughts. I took a look at the clock hanging on the wall before hoisting myself out of my chair.

I headed for the kitchen before looking for a new mug in the cupboard. I immediately moved to the coffee maker before serving me a more than necessary coffee at this point. A long sigh of satisfaction left my lips at the sensation of the sweet nectar before taking a moment to observe my silent apartment. Too quiet. Another fact that I had some trouble handling was loneliness. Or rather the absence of Sharon.

I had even removed the ad for the room. It was a bad idea to search for someone. Besides, it was more a way to prove to me that I could still trust. It turned out I was not as indulgent as I had hoped. Only one visit and my trust issues had resurfaced. So I had to endure that absence with a deep sense of bitterness. It was definitely easier to hate her than to admit I missed her.

I let out another sigh, realizing that I was doing the action a bit too much lately, before shaking my head as I decided to settle on the couch for the rest of the afternoon. I had absolutely nothing to do, no place to go, no investigation in progress and definitely no plans. I knew Steve was in the cemetery to meet Fury with Sam. Something about a secret meeting or something.

Personally, I was not really inclined to find myself again in a government affair. As curious and inquisitive as I was. My little experience with SHIELD was enough for during me a lifetime.

_This kind of thing fucked too much with my head and my feelings._

I raised my legs close to my chest by sinking further into the couch before lazily catching the remote on the armrest. I turned on the screen with monotony before surfing distractedly through the channels. It was still going to be a long day.

At one point, I had to fall asleep because the next thing my sleepy brain registered was the sudden opening of the front door. I jumped into a sitting position, blinking my eyes a few times as I could see the sun had gone down into the sky. The latter was more of a pink, almost mandarin orange color leaving me a moment to admire the beauty of the landscape before quickly turning my head to the side at the step agreement.

I soon raised my eyebrows at the sight of Steve nonchalantly throwing his double keys over the kitchen counter before removing his brown leather jacket with a strangely thoughtful look. His lack of welcome and silence was quite alarming. More than that, he hardly seemed to register my presence as he leaned over with his hands leaning against the counter. His jacket resting on the latter.

I leaned over to get my cup on the coffee table before getting up with my eyes intentionally riveted on the big blond. He had that expression on his face. The one he wore when he had a choice to make or a way to go.

Once again, Steve seemed barely aware of my presence as I put my cup in the sink before taking a moment to observe him. I weighed the pros and cons of disturbing him in his little moment of thought. I knew how disturbing that was.

_Nevertheless, it was not what a couple was supposed to do? We were supposed to share everything. Another fact that had the gift of frightening me._

However, I struggled to ignore my fears for now as I finally pushed myself out of the islet before going around the bar counter to join his side.

I don't say a word as I took his hand in mine, finally alerting the blond of my presence before signing the sofa over my shoulder."You want to talk about it ?"

Instead of answering me, Steve surprised me again as he pulled me to him before swallowing me into a hug. His long muscular arms closed around my small waist as I held onto his chest before snaking my hands along his back to restore his embrace. Steve immediately nibbled his nose on the crown of my head to take in my comforting smell letting me sketch a small smile despite myself to the familiar action. It was something he had found himself doing more than I could count. He put a chaste kiss on the top of my head before finally taking on him to drag me with him to the couch. I sat at his side, making sure to keep his hand in mine to keep some form of contact with him.

_It was strange how much I had become anxious about his contacts._

Finally, Steve took a deep breath before turning his head in my direction. He seemed to take a moment in my face as if searching for the answer to his question before swallowing in nervousness.

I immediately raised my eyebrows to action."Okay, big guy, you're starting to scare me. Something happened ? Don't tell me we have another alien invasion on our hands."

Steve found himself smiling at my restless ramble before giving me a little squeeze along my hand. He had not missed the fact that she referred to them in the plural and not the singular.

He leaned against the back of the sofa before leaning his head to one side with a small, admiring smile. A simple whisper left his lips."You're beautiful."

I found myself almost instantly avoiding his gaze as I could feel a slight blush covering my cheeks. Another habit I had inherited from Steve. It was frankly frustrating.

I frowned slightly before giving him a slight warning look."Stop looking at me like that, old man."

"Don't call me old, _kid_." Teased Steve in turn pulling me in spite of me a breath of laughter.

"God, these jokes must stop." I exclaimed with a slight shudder at the mere thought. "Used to remind me that I sleep with an old man."

His blue eyes glowed with mockery as he took the initiative again to get me closer to his side. I just had time to hold against his biceps as he put his hand on my cheek before filing a long kiss loaded with emotion on my lips. I lost myself immediately in his contact and his intoxicating smell as I supported me on his arm. I closed my eyelids with the sensation of his tongue tracing the curve of my lip. I opened my lips at his request before feeling a grunt in the back of my throat.

Taking control of the kiss again, I was on my knees before striding to rest on his thighs. Steve deepens the kiss with fervor as he took my face between his hands before moving his kisses on the corner of my lips, my jaw before going down my neck. He added his tongue in the mix leaving me to throw my head back to give him better access.

In the moment, a small voice in the back of my mind tried to remind me that it was not Steve's kind to initiate such a make-out session.

The image of his hunched back and his thoughtful look of earlier resurfaced in my mind only the feel of his lips on my warmed skin were much stronger in the moment.

I let a low moan further inciting Steve in his ministrations before rubbing my crotch against the slight bump under his jeans. Steve in turn let out a grunt in response before taking a sudden pause in his kisses at the ringing agreement of my phone.

"Ignore that." I whispered through my mist as I leaned over to kiss him again.

I let my hands go down along his chest as the ring went on before stopping. I was smiling broadly as I grabbed his azure eyes before reaching the bump under his jeans. I tested his sensitivity with a simple caress causing a new moan from Steve as he fell back against the couch. Taking advantage of his moment of weakness, I went up to his neck to drop a series of open mouth kiss along the impulse of his jugular vein.

Meanwhile, Steve was content to explore every corner of my back before stopping on my buttocks. The feeling of his hands massaging my lower cheeks made me moan against his skin. The breath sent him into a new frenzy of grunting before he firmly grasped my hips to lift me from his thighs. He gently put me on the couch, letting me lightly laugh in surprise before wrapping my legs around his waist to draw him back to me.

He leans against the back of the couch so as not to crash into me before he sticks his lips against mine again. His kisses were honestly the best thing I had ever had. Sweet and sugary at the same time, they had the gift of making me forget the world around us.

Well except this damn ringing phone.

"Ugh ... people are choosing the worst time to call me." I gasped on a high-pitched note as Steve continued his teasing by gently massaging my breasts."Oh, fuck _Steve_ ..."

The blond continued down my abdomen leaving a trail of kiss over my T-shirt before stopping on my lower abdomen. I held my breath as he lifted the latter to expose my belly leaving me immediately reject my head back as he resumed his sweet torture. All this, with the ringing of my phone in the background.

At the end of the third ring, Steve took it upon himself to stop letting me let out a sigh of discontent. "Maybe you should take this call."

"Yeah ..." I breathed a little breathless before giving him an amused look as he repositioned himself on me with his head between my breasts."Comfortable?"

The blond just hummed, leaving me play absentmindedly with his locks blondes before extending my arm to get my phone on the bedside table in the living room.

I slid my finger along the screen to pick up without really bothering to check the ID before bringing the device to my ear."Danae, I'm listeni-"

"Dan, it's you?" Exclaimed Davis at once, interrupting me in haste.

I frowned as I met Steve's curious gaze since he could hear Davis's voice on the device."Davis? What-"

Typically feminine yells soon interrupted me, followed by Robbie's deformed voice in a barely human grunt."Tell her to come back right away! The baby is coming!"

"Wh-what? Now ? It's time?" I exclaimed as I straightened in a panic before looking at Steve as the latter hastened to straighten up. I jumped into a standing position as I could suddenly hear Robbie push with a scream worthy of a Lockney's monster. "Oh my god, what was that?"

"Youuuuuuuu fucking bitch! Come…. Now!"Cried Robbie between her cries, allowing me to meet Steve's wide look in disbelief.

There was a slight creak in the line before Davis's panicked voice resurfaced. "Please, Dan, come on. She scares me!"

"Afraid? I scare you. Fuck you! All this is your fucking fault!"

I pulled the phone out of my ear, wincing at Robbie's insults at Davis before giving Steve a look. Our previous activities already forget. I shook my head trying to get past the excitement in my veins at the baby's arrival.

"Okay, we're coming, Davis. Just ... hold on until then."

I was quick to hang up as I could already hear Robbie's insults in response before turning to Steve. I took a deep breath before giving him an uncertain look.

"The baby is coming." Steve finally realized.

"Yeah." I still agreed in shock.

He gave me a vaguely amused look at the sight of my expression before arching an eyebrow as a question. "Shouldn't we move? Like to the door ?"

I immediately gave him a flat look at his obvious amusement before rolling my eyes as I retrieved his jacket before rushing to the hallway of the entrance. I quickly put on a pair of converse white before picking up my bag and my keys on the way. Steve immediately joined my side with a slightly uncertain expression as we descended the stairs.

I gave him a side look as a question arousing a look of the blond."Are you sure I can come?"

"I am the godmother and you're my boyfriend. Obviously, you have to come." I answered without really thinking as I was busier pushing the doors of the hall to go out. I was ignorant of the blond's broad smile as I continued my way to the sidewalk where my car was. I unlocked the door in a hurry before pausing at the sight of his stationary position on the steps leading to the building lobby, a flabby expression on his face. I frowned at the big, silly-looking blond before fully realizing what I had just said through my fog of panic.

A stupid smile appeared in my turn on my lips before calling for the big blond in the fun."Come on ! Robbie will not forgive us if we arrive late."

I shook my head in the fun as Steve hurried to join me before taking a seat in the passenger seat.

The trip to the hospital had passed in a relatively quiet silence as Steve fell in his thoughts. The small moment in the apartment with Dan and the impromptu arrival of Robbie's baby had managed to distract him for a moment from Fury's proposal. But now that he was standing by Dan's side doing such a mundane, domestic task that going to the hospital to greet a friend's baby was a new reminder of the decision he had to make.

The last few weeks had been a blessing and a distraction from the task he really had to do. Sam had taken it upon himself to look for leads on Bucky himself as he healed. It was not what he had originally planned, but Dan's presence was momentarily all that occupied his mind. He did not want to lose what he could finally have. Not after all these years of sacrifice. But he knew he could not eternally hide in a cocoon. It just was not his life. It wasn't now, at least. And that had the gift of frustrated him beyond words.

He still remembered his aspirations before the war. He wanted to join the army and serve his country, do what was right. But part of him also wanted to find the right partner and form a family. Now, it seemed just as if this man had stayed in the ice and he had come out different.

The task assigned to him weighed heavily on his shoulders and he was unsure how to proceed. Although he was deeply touched and excited at Dan's simple agreement to call him her boyfriend, it also meant that he had engaged in a relationship. He had a respectful commitment to her and he was not even sure he could be honored without endangering her. And he would be damned if he let something happen to her. She was his world.

After Peggy, he did not think he could feel that kind of thing for another woman. He was not really a man to a woman to begin with but Dan had again shown how wrong he was. He could learn to love another person. In this case, Dan had been the lesson giver and the subject of the lesson. She was the one who had once again made him discover what love was on a much deeper note of what he had once shared with Peggy.

But now the Avengers needed him again to find Loki's scepter. Thor had made his way back to earth asking for their help and Fury had been the messenger. If he accepted the proposal, he was supposed to move to the New York-based Avengers Tower at the end of the week.

Part of him had immediately suggested the idea of suggesting that Dan leave with him. But he knew too well her attachment to the personal space between them. Plus, it was a huge step in a relationship. A stable relationship and free from danger that is. It was far from what he could offer to be honest.

He could very well leave and leave her in DC. After all, a lot of couples had once been separated by the war and they had made it work. He still remembered the number of his comrades writing letters to their beloved. But it was not the 40s anymore, and to be honest, Steve was not really excited about getting away from Dan. The simple idea was enough to tug at his heart. She was what helped him through his months with SHIELD and then the downfall of the organization. She was currently the only true constant in his life for some time. His pillar.

At the mere thought, he gave a slight squeeze on her hand resting in his palm. He risked a look at her profile to gauge her reaction simply to see a small smile on her lips. She seemed to take his breath away with each of her smiles. It was as if she were a part of himself. He constantly felt the need to touch her, hold her hand or caress her soft face as if he were not complete without her touch. And despite all that, he knew he could not really ignore Thor's request. He was an Avenger. Once again, he wondered if he was too selfish to want to keep Dan at his side when he knew he might never be able to offer her a real life as a couple and normal family.

Unknown to Steve, I had a process of thinking somewhat similar. The arrival of the baby had the gift of putting things in perspective. In particular, put my fears back to the fore. I remembered a time when I would have given everything to be in Robbie's place. Well maybe not in the place of childbirth but to have a child, a family.

Now I was not sure I could do it again. I loved Steve and I already knew that I would not mind bringing his kids to a point in the future. But that was exactly the problem. Once again, I was confronted with my intense feelings. I seemed to have no barriers when it concerned the tall blond. It was as if he was totally at his mercy and I had never been more vulnerable than at his side. And to be honest, it was damn hard to let go when you had been in control of your emotions for the past three years.

Before his arrival in my life, I had everything under control. Never one emotion more intense than the other, never a moment of vulnerability on display. And it was enough that he was by my side so that I gave up all resistance. I was not one of those stupid girls full of love but I was definitely in it more deeply than I wanted to admit.

The simple feeling of my hand in hers was enough to make me feel like I was complete. As if I had wandered with a missing part for all those years. And this same with Ben. Another fact that had the gift of frustrating me. I was not belittling my relationship with Ben but it was as if it had no relevance to what I shared with Steve.

I had the impression to rediscover everything with Steve and the unknow had the gift to terrify me. In fact, I was always trying to put on a front, a lid on my emotions but the truth was that I was filled with insecurities, fears that I did not have the courage to face. And Steve woke up all those fears.

_I was not a perfect character. I had more defect than quality. I swore, I lied, I duped and above all, I fled at the slightest opportunity. And at this moment, I felt the deep desire to flee._

Unfortunately, the simple feel of Steve's hand in mine as we walked down the hallway of the hospital was enough to keep me anchored to his side. With a quick turn to the front desk, we were soon on the way to the maternity wing.

The feeling of Steve's hand getting clammy in mine shouted at me. I almost instantly forgot my thoughts as I gave him an amused look at the tension in his shoulders.

"You okay?" I asked, trying to hide my smile. Steve nodded quickly, easily showing his apprehension. I gave him a slight pressure on his hand before banging my shoulder against his."If you continue to be nervous, I will be nervous. "

"I'm not nervous. "At once said the tall blond, he swallowed before giving a sigh to my sharp gaze."Are you sure you want me to be here?"

"If I have to face Robbie then you can be damn sure I'm going to take you with me." I announced with determination, drawing a small smile from Steve.

The latter seemed to plunge a moment into his past as he whispered with his eyes riveted on me. "With you till the end of the line, huh?"

I took a brusque break from the familiar promise in the realization before standing in front of the blond to support his bluish look. I examined his expression for a moment before nodding."I'm with you till the end of the line."


	49. Running away or not running away?

_"Don't let insecure thoughts ruin something amazing." Unknow_

* * *

"Where is the baby?" I hid my eyes with my palms before immediately removing them with a wide, excited smile at the newborn in his park seat."Peak-a-boo!" The sound of his laugh was like sweet music to my ears.

"Do you want to stop stupefying my son?" Robbie grumbled as she returned from the kitchen with a plate of cookie in one hand and a freshly prepared baby bottle in the other.

She gave me the bottle letting me pick Grant from his seat before stalling him in my arms to give him his bottle. At the first sucking, I gave him a broad smile softened on my lips before giving a critical look at the plate still in the hand of Robbie."Cookies ? Wow, you're definitely gone on the other side."

"Yeah? Well everyone doesn't have extraordinary sex with Captain America." The brunette replied, placing the plate on the little table, leaving me blush in spite of myself with a small smile on my lips. Robbie immediately gave me a slightly envious, slightly wrinkled look."I hate you."

"Hey, language in front of my son." Intervened Davis with three cups of coffee before giving a reassuring look at his wife. "And for info, that's exactly how you do to have a child so don't complain. Dan could very well be next on the list."

I widened my eyes to the hint of the blond as Rob left a scoff before glancing at her baby and me. She took in my expression just to frown knowingly."Why do I feel that my intervention is needed ?"

I made sure to hold the bottle while giving Grant time to breathe between his mouthfuls as I rolled my eyes over Rob."You don't need to do anything except take care of this wonder. Steve and I are doing very well."

In the silence of our small group sometimes interrupted by the suctions of Grant, I gave a new look at the couple just to see Davis and Rob exchange a silent look. I was already preparing for their intervention as I was narrowing my lips in a thin line.

"Okay. And where is Steve right now?" Rob asked, obviously insistent on the subject.

I immediately put my eyes on Grant as he gesticulated in my arms before giving a new look at the couple."Just left for New York, actually."

I removed the now empty bottle from Grant's rosy lips."Something about the Avengers needing to find a scepter ..." I was intentionally vague. "He sends you his hello."

I shrugged my shoulders in the end in an attempt to act as nonchalant as possible in the face of the situation. To be honest, I definitely did not expect the end of our honeymoon phase so soon. It had arrived faster than I had imagined and Steve had been the only one to put the line between us. Even though my brain kept telling me how much it was accommodating considering my inner fears, my heart couldn't help feeling tugging. I was not really comfortable with the idea of Steve falling again in a case of the Cosplay group.

"God, I can't believe it's really your life now." Davis exclaimed visibly still as excited by the prospect except Rob who was still staring at me in the observation.

I put the bottle on the floor by my side before straightening Grant in a standing position by tapping his back slightly to help him burp. All that, crossing Robbie's eyes with an arched eyebrow in defiance. It was obvious that she had something to say about Steve's departure.

"Why do you seem strangely calm about this?" The dark-skinned brunette finally asked."Your boyfriend just left the city. You will be in a long-distance relationship."

"What am I supposed to do? Crying all the tears of my body by stuffing my face of ice cream in front of a reruns of Friends?" I replied with sarcasm and slight annoyance to her expertise to point where it hurt."I'm fine, Rob. I know the statistics but Steve is not really the average man."

"Hey, what is it supposed to mean?" Intervened Davis slightly offended.

I gave him an apologetic look before turning my eyes to Grant as he left a sweet little burp. All this time, I paid a little attention to Rob."I'm not talking about statistics. I'm talking about how you seem almost ... relieved? Dan, if you ever try to be fleeing..."

"Then what?" I blasted in spite of myself in the defense since she had exactly pointed the problem before posting a guilty expression at the sight of Grant jumping at my shine.

I stayed in a dark duel with Robbie as Davis took it upon himself to intervene. "Okay, I feel it's a girl talk so ..." He stood up before reaching out to Grant with an apologetic look in my direction. "Here, I'll take my son and we'll ... yeah, just don't stay here."

I gave him Grant reluctantly since he was my only shield right now before turning back to Robbie as Davis left the room whispering to his son about the relationship of his mom and godmother. I crossed my arms on my chest already preparing for the argument to come.

"Remind me what's holding you here?" Robbie finally asked before quickly adding to the sight of my attempt to speak. "And don't even tried to use my son as an excuse."

I immediately bent my lips in boredom before giving her a sharp look in annoyance."I wasn't going to use Grant. And the answer is pretty obvious. Alma."

A slightly understanding expression passed over her face before she resumed sympathetically."You know very well that she is in good hands."

"So what? I am supposed to leave her in a care home and continue with my life as if nothing had happened." I replied, somewhat acerbic.

"That's not what I said." Robbie winced in guilt.

"Look like it to me." I say, dryly.

The brunette let out a long, frustrated sigh before visibly recovering herself uncertainly how to approach the subject. She raised her head giving me a sharp look before leaving a breath. "You know that's not even the real problem here."

"Oh yeah ? What is it then?" I challenged with boredom.

"Yeah." Assured the brunette. "The problem is that you plan to obliterate your relationship with Steve. You want to run away. As always."She pointed at the sight of the roll of my eyes."See? You know I'm right."

Growing up tired and frustrated with this subject, I immediately gave her a scathing look."You know it's more complicated than that."

"You're the only one to make it complicated." Robbie objected with determination, letting me pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration.

I could feel a slight headache in the back of my mind. I had not really slept well knowing that Steve was leaving town the next morning. To tell the truth, I had not really slept well since the night he had asked for my opinion on the proposal he had received. He did not really seem to want to go there at first, especially when he reminded me of the promise made on the day Grant was born, but I was definitely not going to be the kind of girlfriend who stood in his way to fulfill his duty. And if that was more a result of my fears then so be it.

"Fine! You have unmasked me!" I gasped in the admission, annoyed. "So what? What am I supposed to do? Quit DC and join him? It's only been a month since we're together."

Robbie gave me a knowing look. "And your feelings are much stronger than that. Otherwise you would not try to escape."

I paused realizing how right she was before swallowing as I looked away in defeat. I let a breath pass my lips before starting to play distractedly with my fingers in anxiety.

"Dan, what makes you so scared?"

"You can't understand." I sighed, my voice barely higher than an octave.

"Explain to me then."

I chewed the inside of my cheek as I put my undecided eyes on Rob before looking around in an attempt to put my fears into words. I took in the baby park, safety gates before finally returning my eyes to the brunette.

"I don't think I can explain it." I admit clearly not ready to endure such fears aloud.

Robbie seemed about to argue, but to my relief she just nodded with a forced smile."When you feel ready, I'll be there."

I supported her gaze knowing that this moment will not happen before all the same nod my head in acceptance.

Finally, the conversation changed back to her new life as a parent leaving me wiping the clumsiness between us. It was a fact that I enjoyed a lot about Robbie, no matter how much we argued, we always ended up finding some common ground. That was why our friendship worked so well.

* * *

_Torture. Experimentation. Lobotomization process by electricity. Psychological manipulation._

These were files that I did not really have to reopen. For some reason, I had already told Steve. But it would seem that the sunglass man currently sitting comfortably in my lounge seat seemed to think otherwise.

I took a break at the sight of the familiar files casually throwing on my coffee table before putting my keys in the bowl provided before removing my leather jacket. I had just returned from Robbie and Davis and finding a man who was supposed to be dead in my living room was not really what I called a good day.

I was already quite upbeat with Steve's departure and my conversation with Robbie, conversing with Fury was the last thing on my wish list.

Unfortunately, he seemed to be here so I throw my jacket on the back of the couch with annoyance before standing facing the man with my hands on my hips."You're supposed to be dead."

"That's the kind of reaction I get pretty often from people." Fury commented deadly serious except for a slight bow in his lips showing his amusement at my expense.

I rolled my eyes before signing the kitchen. "I'm going to serve me a beer." I was doing exactly that as I headed for the fridge before calling over my shoulder. "You want something?"

"A beer could be nice."

I gritted my teeth as I took an extra beer before I uncapped them, leaving the capsules on the counter before returning to the living room. I walked around the sofas to give him his beer before taking a sip once on the couch in front of his seat. I took another look at the files on the table above my bottle.

At the sight of a new picture containing me, I frowned my brows before returning my gaze to the man in front of me. The latter had swapped the black spy leather trench coat for a simple damaged jacket of velvet with dirty jeans and a hoodie. His eye patch replaced by a pair of standard black sunglasses. At the sight of my suspicious gaze, he merely raised his eyebrows expectantly.

Realizing he was not going to tell me anything, I leaned down and put my beer on the coffee table before picking up the new shot with curiosity. A heavy frown soon appeared on my face at the sight of the picture. It was a picture of me in the museum. According to my clothes and the date, it was the day Steve woke up for the first time.

I was about to question him about the meaning of all this when my gaze caught on the stranger flanking my side. I vaguely remembered him, but I did not really care about him at the time. Now I wish I did.

I felt my breath get stuck in my throat as I could suddenly feel an ounce of recognition cross my mind before immediately raising my eyes to Fury in the hope that he contradicted me."It can't be-"

"Second shot." He interrupted me instead showing a second picture on the table letting me pick it up just to get a clear view of Barnes' face catching on security cameras."He was spotted shortly after you left. And the way things look, he seems to be giving you a particular interest."

I shook my head in denial before looking up at Fury. "No, no! Why me? Why didn't he come to see Steve? It doesn't make any sense."

"Your guess is as good as mine." He replied, tone level.

I rejected a new look at the photos still some shocked before getting up in a bad feeling. I immediately narrowed my eyes on the man with glasses in the realization."You didn't show those pictures to Steve."

"I should have ?" Fury asked back with a raised eyebrow. I just checked my jaw in annoyance. I was not ready to fall back into his merry-go-round."Listen, you and I know you're the one who's the most advanced in Barnes' search. And obviously, he's interested in you. Chances are he will come back."

"For what? For me?" I exclaimed with a slight creak in my voice at the thought of the Winter Soldier at my heels. Although he had saved Steve, I was still somewhat frightened by the man. He was one of the greatest killers of the last seventy decades.

"We can't really know what's going on in his head." He said."But that seems to be the most plausible. He doesn't want to be found. And his resources are limited. If he wants to leave the country, he will have to get help. "

"And you think he'll come to me." I realized in a short breath before looking down at the files in front of me.

I swallowed as I dropped the photos on the table before taking up my beer. I definitely needed alcohol in my system now. I took a long sip, ignoring Fury's intense gaze on me before taking a deep breath as I looked back at him.

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Because we already know that Captain Rogers would already be on the next train if he knew the truth." He answered almost bored to my obvious question.

I turned away my eyes as I could feel a slight warmth along my cheeks at his implication before I remembered the situation weighing on my shoulders. It was completely absurd. And again, the photos were there to prove it.

"I have loaded some of my men still trustworthy to find him." Fury said, making me look up at him. "I think you should join this team."

This time I could not stop the scoff from passing my lips as I gave him a meaningful look."You want me to go behind Steve's back again, that I'm lying to him."

He left a semblance of mocking laughter, letting me squint at him in mistrust and annoyance.

"Shouldn't really be difficult. Unless you plan to join him?" He replied in an intelligent tone as he pointed out the obvious flaw in my current relationship with Steve.

I wrinkled my lips in a pout, looking away again before taking another sip of my beer to delay my answer. He was right all the way. I did not really have an excuse to refuse to work on this case. I had absolutely nothing to do with my days and no more boyfriends to be accountable to. I was on my own and I could very well go after Barnes myself.

However, I could not lie to Steve again. I had promised myself never to betray him again like the last time. I was perhaps full of fears and maybe I was thinking of sabotaging our relationship as a result but I would not let Fury give me a reason on a silver platter. I loved Steve and the mere idea of lying to him was enough to make me sick.

The truth was that I probably could never sabotage our relationship. Not of my own fact in reality.

Putting my beer on the table, I raised my eyes to Fury with my lips narrowed in a false contrite air."I will not help you."

Strangely, Fury seemed hardly surprised by my answer. I almost even thought I saw a sketch of a smile on his lips. He took a sip of his beer before giving me another raise of his brows."What will you do when Barnes comes to you?"

"I don't know. I guess I would improvise."I replied, shrugging my shoulders with attitude.


	50. Two places and one arm of metal

_"Not seeing you everyday is hard. But not having you in my life would be much worse." Unknow_

* * *

I had been so used to Steve going through my apartment or even waiting for me inside during the last month that I had a real problem getting used to his absence. We didn't live together during this month but it always had a kind of comfort to know that I was not going to spend another evening alone.

After he left, I had to accept that he would not be here when I got back. I thought I would get used to it but even after three months it was always difficult. Even more when I left him. The last two months consisted of late-night facetime calls and roundtrips between New York and DC. And given his occupation, there was much more facetime than real displacement. In fact, it was the third time in two months that we had spent a weekend together. And again, it had been interrupted by a plausible track on Hydra. It seems that the organization was not about to give its last word. Since it was the SHIELD who had first recovered the scepter, it was no surprise that the weapon to improve by the tesseract had actually been to move to the old German division.

_This damn plague simply did not want to die. To the greatest despair of my romantic relationship._

Nevertheless, I had to admit that I was making a huge effort on my side. Not that Steve was really aware of this fact. Long distance may have helped with my fears, but it was also exhausting to try to make this situation work. I knew I was getting a little crazier every day to pester Steve. Not knowing what he was doing, with whom and if he was fine, was enough to make me completely crazy.

_Alfie had had more than enough of me at this point._

At the mere thought, I let a long sigh as I pushed my key into the lock of my apartment before turning the key in the lock. The clatter of metal echoed down the hallway before I pushed the door to make my way to my apartment. I crossed the hallway of the entrance guiding me in complete darkness by simple habit before reaching for the switch once in the living room / kitchen.

The sudden light made me blink to wipe the white lights obstructing my vision before dragging my suitcase behind me to the kitchen counter. I put my coat and bag on the counter bar stool before rubbing my hand along my neck to soothe the stress knots along my neck.

I paused to take in the familiar view of my apartment before giving a new sigh to the surrounding silence. It had become one of my regular plagues in recent weeks.

The silence.

I shook my head at the depressing atmosphere around me before quickly navigating to my Bluetooth speaker before connecting my phone's playlist as a simple background noise. Not strong enough to disturb the neighbors, although if you thought about it, I did not have any more neighbors. SHIELD and the freaking 'Vengers made sure of that.

Clearly sour for my short cut weekend, I returned to the kitchen to serve me a more than necessary beer before joining the couch in the middle of the room. I let myself fall heavily on the latter by raising my feet on the coffee table before throwing the capsule of my beer on the top of the table unceremoniously.

I took in the rhythm of the dynamic music before taking a long sip of my beer.

The lack of occupation and the time invested in this relationship just to be sent home after only one day going by his side made me almost regret not having accepted Fury's proposal. _The man certainly knew how to make proposals that were difficult to refuse._

I took another sip at the thought before licking my lips slightly flavored by my choice of drink. Only hours earlier, I could taste Steve's intoxicating aroma on my own lips. That was before he was called for his duties obviously.

_Okay, maybe I was a little bitter about the interruption of our weekend but could you really blame me ? Perhaps.__  
_

_After all, I knew from the beginning that my relationship with Steve would never really be the conventional type. No matter how much I had always been interested in the man he was, he was no less than Captain America._

I gave a new sigh to this realization before looking for a moment in the empty space in the interrogation.

_With all these constraints and barriers, our past, our different personalities and all these questions still unresolved, was it really worth it? _

_Was our love really worth all that?  
_

_I loved Steve, maybe even more than I once loved Ben, but did that justify our choice to stay together? _

To be honest, the answer seemed simple enough.

_Even more, I could easily move into the tower with him if it was so unbearable. But did I want it? Did I really want to go down that road with Steve? There was so much that could go wrong and I was not just talking about myself.  
_

I finished my beer in a go at the mere thought of the repercussions plausibly brought about by our relationship before getting up again in the attention of calling it a night. I did not really have anything to do to be honest and the return trip, coupled with my swirling thoughts had been enough to drain me of all energy.

I threw the bottle of beer into the compartment provided for the glass before crossing the living room again towards the bathroom. I left the door open to let the music in before grabbing a rubber band on the edge of the washbasin in the bathroom. I tucked my long curls in a messy bun at the base of my neck before bringing my hands over my shoulders to massage the knots under my skin. I took a look at my reflection in the mirror during the action before throwing my head back with a long sigh.

Throwing my hand on the laundry basket, I recovered a set of pajamas silk shorts to change me. I took the time to apply a light scented lotion to my skin before meeting my tired eyes again in the mirror as I lifted my head after applying a generous toothpaste to my toothbrush. I put my toothbrush on the edge to support myself on the sink before supporting my gaze in the mirror. "You look like hell, Dan."

Creasing my lips as I examined my reflection, I finally shook my head before brushing my teeth vivaciously. I let my thoughts return to Steve again during the process. It was just impossible for me not to think of him. He always seemed to be in the back of my mind no matter how much I tried to fight it.

I spit the excess of toothpaste once the process completed before I brushed my toothbrush under the water. I closed the valves by wiping my lips with the back of my hand before turning off the bathroom light on my way. I made sure to turn off the Bluetooth speaker by taking my phone with me before going to my room.

Unfortunately, I was not long in taking a break at the entrance as I was taking in the whole room. For some reason, everything seemed to remind me of Steve. From the bed to the chest of drawers containing some of his clothes, in the familiar sketchbook resting on the bedside table on his side. He called it an oversight but I knew that part of him had intentionally left it here to give me the opportunity to flip through his drawings.

At the thought, I went to his side before settling under the blanket taking in his smell impregnated in the pillow. A nostalgic little smile appeared on my lips at the reminder. I leaned over to get his sketchbook before adjusting myself against the headboard to make me more comfortable.

I let my fingers trace the curvature of aged leather before going through his sketches with slight fascination and nostalgia. A smile drawing a little more on my lips to each page.

Almost as if he knew I was thinking of him, the ringing of my phone was not long in surprising me in my observation. I immediately lowered my eyes still in a mist just to feel my heart accelerate in my chest at the mere sight of his ID. Exchanging his sketchbook for my phone, I answered, holding the phone in front of my face to see the screen. The call connected, leaving me a clear view of Steve's inner ear.

I restrained myself from giggling as I scraped my throat before mentioning his mistake."Mhm, love? It's a facetime."

"God damnit." Steve whispered almost immediately pulling his phone from his ear before adjusting it to give me a clear view of his embarrassed red face."I was thinking ..." He let out a deep sigh at the sight of my face before lowering his eyes in disappointment. "I'm really sorry for today."

"Nah, it's okay. I mean it's not like it's been weeks that we've been waiting to meet."

At the agreement of my sarcasm, his pout turned into a guilty grimace letting me force a small smile on my lips. I dropped back into a lying position on the mattress, my arm was already killing me holding the phone.

Steve raised his eyebrows at my change of place giving him a clear view of my cleavage before raising his eyes on me with a slight blush along his ears."Is it bad that I miss you already?"

"Oh god, it's horrible, big guy! You're whipped." I answered immediately in a false exaggeration despite the smile contradicting my true thought. At the sight of the amused smile of the blond, I let a tender look with a light blush along my cheeks."But I miss you too, Stevie so..."

A heavy silence accompanied my admission as he was content to take in my face with his usual intense blue eyes. Simple sight was almost enough to suffocate me. It was in those moments that I realized how deep I was. And it was also in that kind of moment that I wondered what I was really doing.

I was madly in love with him. And yet, something held me back. I did not really know which of my fears was the strongest at the moment, but it kept me from pursuing what my heart wanted the most. There were just too many variables that could lead to disaster.

One fact that Steve seemed totally unaware as he settled on one of his chair in his own personal suites in the tower before giving me a suggestive look."This place seems empty without you."

I tried to keep my smile despite the slight trembling of my lips before taking a breath as I shrugged my shoulders. I gave a look at my own room in response before giving Steve a look across the screen.

"The apartment also seems empty without you." I agreed in a whisper.

I could see the proposal on the tip of his tongue but for some reason Steve seemed to be holding back. Another fact that had the gift of playing with my thoughts. If I had my fears, Steve seemed just as secret at times. He did not let it appear but I could see that something was weighing on his mind.

Unfortunately, it was with his next statement that I knew that no matter what weighed on his mind, he clung just as much as me."You know that I love you, Dan?"

My heart fluttered at his words, letting me swallow as I answered with a sincere smile this time."I love you too."

"I promise you that the next we see, there will be no interruption." Assured the blond looking really convinced. Unfortunately, I knew better.

Nevertheless, I forced a smile on my lips as I caught a falsely teasing eyebrow in a defense mechanism. "Careful there, old man. Don't make promises that you can't keep."

_Sardonic humor and pain were always the best means of diversion._

However, Steve frowned at once with determination. "It's not a false promise, Dan." I could feel my heart speeding up to his tone again."One word and I jump on the first train for DC."

I left a smile to his passionate admission before ending up in a quiet laugh in the realization. I knew full well that he truly believed in his words. And knowing the super soldier, he would be ready to do it. Unfortunately, that was exactly why I could not afford to ask him such a thing. The world needed him more than I needed him.

Not wanting to add to the mood, I raised my eyebrows with a teasing smile."And what would you do with your Cosplay buddies?"

"You're really going to stick with that nickname, huh?" Steve scoffed, shaking his head despite the small smile curving his lips. I shrugged in response as he gave me a new look."They can manage without me."

"You know it's wrong." I said with a ball of emotion along my throat. This conversation was starting to become too much for me. Taking a breath, I bounced slightly in the false enthusiasm. "So, my life is terribly boring. I need some action, even if it's by proxy."

Steve raised his eyebrows at my sudden change of conversation before knowingly enjoying myself. It was usually how most of our calls ended. We started by saying what was really on our minds before heading for lighter speeches and far from the truth simply to give ourselves a good conscience.

_It was devastating and depressing at best._

Finally, the call ended as usual with a note teasing and slightly suggestive on my part before stopping with sweet good nights on both sides. Then I found myself alone again in the oppressive silence of my apartment and a new stream of depressing thoughts.

* * *

_An intruder.  
_

_There was an intruder in my apartment._

After the repeated break-ins by Natasha and Fury, I had invested in a security alarm system to avoid any unpleasant surprises. However, I definitely did not expect to receive a notification on my phone barely a week after installing the system. It was a fairly simple system that only allowed the homeowner to know that a break-in had taken place. I had been in the process of ridding my office since I did not really need it anymore. My job as a private detective was only a distraction from my mourning. And now that things were relatively normal, I thought a change of scene was in order.

Unfortunately, it seems that my life was far from wanting to let me have a moment of respite.

Hence the reason I was currently in the process of climbing four to four my stairs. The adrenaline flowed down my veins as I stopped abruptly at the beginning of my landing corridor before reaching for the hide weapon in the waistband of my jeans. I pulled my 9mm by removing the safety catch before slowly making my way to the door of my apartment. I could feel and hear my heart beating in my ears, letting me take a deep breath as I saw the door ajar.

In the way things were, the person did not bother to turn on the lights. A disturbing silence came from inside letting me tighten my grip on the butt of my gun. I licked my bottom lip as I used the barrel of my 9mm to push the door open before making my way down the hall. I walked with one foot in front of the other, being extremely careful not to step on the creaky boards. I glanced cautiously all around me before abruptly sticking myself against the wall of the corridor to the sound a crack from the living room.

I raised my eyes to the ceiling as I raised my gun at the height of my face to hold it with both hands. I closed my eyelids for a moment to try to catch my breath. It could be anyone. And yet my mind kept producing a distinct image behind my eyes. That of a soldier with a metal arm.

The simple picture was enough to freeze my blood.

I cast another hesitant glance at the living room plunge into total darkness before taking one last breath. Releasing this breath, I jumped on the soles of my feet before finally making my way into the living room with my weapon rising firmly in front of me.

Unfortunately I did not foresee the sudden hand grabbing my wrist in an effective grip. I heard the crack of the bone before I even heard my yelp. I immediately dropped my weapon as I was fired forward, before being suddenly thrown against the wall. My gaze widened as I realized that my assailant had absolutely nothing to do with the man I feared.

Instead, there was a man with a burned-out skin, a vague image of an agent of Hydra reappearing in my mind, letting me immediately fight him in recognition.

He hardly looked like a man.

His gaze surrounded by melted skin was delusional and only fueled by madness as he tightened his hold around my neck. "Where's the Captain?"

I felt my breath slowly leave me with each pressure. His voices a mixture of burned vocal cords and a reminiscence of a hoarse and powerful voice. A new fighting instinct resurfaced along my veins in the realization. He was after Steve.

I was already planning my next defense tactic to get out of his grip when the unexpected happened. Neither he nor I expected the sudden detonation exploding through the window of my apartment.

I threw myself immediately to the ground like a shower of bullets exploded around us letting me straighten up in a search for cover. I took a breather at the sight of my 9mm lying on the ground a few meters away from me before looking for Rumlow immediately keeping my body on the ground.

The latter also seemed to have spotted my weapon as well as my gaze as he narrowed his wrinkled eyes at me in pure hatred before giving a guttural groan. He threw himself on the floor to recover my weapon at the same time as me. I barely had time to feel the feel of the butt against my fingers as Rumlow grabbed my ankle forcefully to drag me away from my gun. My chin slammed violently against the floor letting me taste the blood along my mouth as I bit my tongue brutally in the process.

I immediately rolled on my back while kicking to try to deliberate my ankle of his sharp grip only the monster above me seemed much stronger. I let out a new cry at the feeling of his fist landing in my ribs before struggling through the pain.

The stream of bullet continuously over our heads.

I tried to avoid the bursts of my furniture as I continued my blows against Rumlow before wrapping my legs around his neck. He let out a grunt at the sudden pressure of my thighs before suddenly rolling over to take me with him. I felt my limbs violently coming into contact with the ground, letting me grow in pain again.

Nevertheless, I kept my grip on his neck. It was my only point of pressure right now.

At least that was before a bullet suddenly pierced through the muscle of my thigh. I let out a scathing scream at the feeling of the bullet piercing my skin before I later recorded Rumlow's scream as the projectile ended its run in his neck.  
He immediately stopped fighting against me to press a point of compression against the wound, letting me crawl on the ground holding my thigh in agony. At the sensation of hot liquid soaking my finger, I gave a wide look on my thigh just to feel my breath get stuck in my throat in panic. Soon enough, the shock gave way to panic.

I looked up at the window now with several points of impact. Several bursts of glass now littered the floor of my apartment and the debris of my furniture.

Narrowing my eyes in confusion through my panicked haze, I could see a figure expertly slipping down the roof. I gritted my teeth as I tried to ignore the agonizing pain radiating from my thigh before looking over my shoulder at the man near me. The latter seemed about to give his last breath to the extent of the blood spurted from his wound. And again, it was enough for him to catch my eye to start crawling with one of his bloody hands stretched out towards me to try to catch me.

I widened my eyes through my fog of agony before jumping suddenly as a new pair of feet suddenly entered my view. I barely had time to fully register the new intruder's identity as a strangely familiar Soviet accent sounded above me.

The person knelt suddenly at my height, finally letting me make eye contact just to meet the face of an old acquaintance. At the sight of him, my heart leapt in my chest. The icy blue of his eyes met the wide, frightened, agonizing look of my brown pupils before I felt my consciousness slipped between my fingers.

The only thing I could feel before diving into an abyss of unconsciousness was a man speaking to me in foreign language before uttering a deafening cry of agony as I was suddenly lifted from the ground by a pair of cold hard arms . Almost like metal.


	51. In the house of the evil

_"If you're gonna be bad, be bad with a purpose." Damon Salvatore_

* * *

I regained consciousness suddenly with a gasp and a start. I was beyond confused and suddenly assaulted by agonizing pain in my thigh. I grunted, blinking my eyes at the sudden blinding light attacking my dilated pupils before finally recording the fast motion of a car.  
I could feel my heart stopping in my chest at this realization as I was striving to ignore the pain radiating my thigh and most of my limbs to observe my environment instead. The sight of a rural landscape passing unreasonably fast through the window was enough to catch my breath in my throat in panic.

Reacting to instinct, I let my hands slide down my chest before descending on my thigh to examine the damage. So, I could become aware of the securely secure seat belt around me. A belt that I had definitely not put.

_To tell the truth, I did not even remember being in a_ car.

Realizing this, I slowly turned my head to the side to take in the alarming view of the driver.

_Bucky or rather the asset of Hydra_.

He drove the car expertly and definitely above the speed limit. His dark cap down low over his eyes to shield his face.

I remembered wanting to check my apartment after notifying an intruder just to have Rumlow attack me. It had been a fight before a shower of bullets had broken our affront. After that, all I could remember was the man's blue stare beside me and the pain radiating from my thigh.

Panicked, my breath was coming in sharp bursts and my heart raced as I shrank back as far away from him as I could in the front seat.

Unfortunately, it only drew me a new hiss of pain. I immediately put my eyes back on my thigh clearly more alert now just to frown at the sight of a homemade bandage covering my wound. A crimson red blood stain adorned the tissue as if someone had pressed some pressure to stop the flow.

I swallowed in the realization before putting my eyes on the man by my side with a quick breath. The first thing I realized was that he held himself differently than the last time I saw him. It was clear that the last few months had not been a pleasure for him. His dirty brown hair was longer and hung limply to his collar and a thick beard was coating his jaw. Dressed in plainclothes, he wouldn't have gotten a second glance on the street. It was probably an intentional and smart choice on his part. A camouflage of modern times.

Taking more in his appearance, my gaze stopped on the gun nesting in the belt of his dirty jeans - if I could just get it ...

"Don't." He rasped without even turning to look at me, no doubt guessing my intentions.

Putting my eyes immediately on his face in nervousness, I was not slow to imperceptibly frown my eyebrows at the sight of a light trickle of sweat on his forehead. His pupils also seemed dilated. A fact that I was not slow to realize as he deigned finally to take a look at me.

I felt my breath get stuck in my throat as he plunged his ice blue orbs into mine. He swallowed hard, eyes searching my face before opening his mouth slightly as if he were trying to form a sentence. However, he quickly shook himself from his thoughts as he set his eyes on the road again.

I immediately glanced at his gloved hands fidgeting with the steering wheel before letting my eyes go back up his forearms. He was built rather stocky and I could suddenly see an ounce of metal between the sleeve of his jacket and the leather glove on his left arm. I held a shiver at the sight before swallowing in a feeling of drought along my throat. It was as if the sight of his metal arm made my situation much more real to me. I tried to straighten up before making a sudden pause with a grimace at the feeling of the skin of my thigh stretching further.

"Don't move." The dark-haired grumbled to my side, letting me turn my head again in apprehension. "The bullet cross the muscle."

There was a long silence between us, during which I managed to get my breathing somewhat under control as I looked helplessly around the car. We're out of the city, heading south on the interstate in what was quite a stolen car, if the lack of key in the ignition and mass if wires dangling down from beneath the steering wheel was any indication.

"On the roof. It was- "I felt my cracked voice towards the end as I stopped in realization. He hesitated before glancing at me. "It was you. You shot me." I could feel the anger and frustration surpass my shock as I narrowed my eyes on him.

"I saved your life." He replied in a short, simple tone as an explanation."He was a Hydra mercenary. Youo would be dead without me." His voice was tight, as if the reference to Hydra was enough to make him uncomfortable.

I wrinkled my lips in a thin line clearly bored by his underestimation of my chances of surviving. I did not like to be underestimated.

However, I decided to keep my comment derogatory to me in this situation. Instead, I took a new breath before trying to get answers.

_After all, he had kidnapped me. It was the logical reaction_.

"Why ?" I asked, leaning my head against the headrest with the sensation of fatigue suddenly flooding my entire body."What ... what do you want with me?" I asked breathlessly, almost nervously.

A look of confusion flashed across his face as if he didn't really know the answer to that question himself. He looked at me again before letting his indistinct thoughts go out in the open air.

"You were on the roof of the warehouse. You looked at me and I shot you." He sounded a bit confused.

Conversely, I winced in aggravation, him shooting me seemed like a kind of occurrence between us.

He blinked, turning his head to the side as if to think about his answer for a moment, as he was remembering this exact moment on this roof. Though apparently it pained him to; his eyes squeezed shut and he let out a small groan of pain while a grimace slid over his face.

A heavy silence fell between us again as I gauged him, holding my breath in anticipation of his next movement.

_To say that I was jumpy in his presence was a euphemism_.

He seemed barely in control of his thoughts and if what I had read about him was true then he might very well have a relapse in his conditioning.

Lastly, his features shifted back to the stony serious one I had seen first. His fists clenched around the steering wheel, letting me look at the speedometer again in apprehension. As I had previously assumed, we were well beyond the allowed limit. I tried to ignore the plausible threat of death hovering over our heads at the slightest loss of control of the steering wheel before turning my eyes back to brown. He seemed agitated.

"How is your leg ?" He suddenly asked, even though his attention was trained on the road. I pressed my lips together to the sensation of pain emanating from my injury before looking at the makeshift bandage in a sense of confusion. He was the only one to have made this. There was only him.

Her lack of response makes him look at her. His eyes scanned her from her head to her toes, lingering on certain spots, her thigh bloody or her wrist. The way he looked at her was enough to make her feel uncomfortable.

"I will live. For the moment." I answered with a point as I stole a new glance at the brown in distrust. The latter immediately frowned at my involvement. I finally let a sigh leave my lips in exhaustion."As you can know, it's not the first time I've been shot."

It was supposed to be a jab for his many assassination attempts on me, but instead of finding guilt or even shame in his eyes, he was silent again. I had to remember that this type of emotion had to be something he had not felt for a long time. He was far from being so compassionate and heavily burdened by responsibilities like Steve.

At the mere thought of the super soldier, I took a deep breath before leaning on the door, giving a glance at the brown."Listen, you saved me. Or whatever. But you have to take me back to my apartment." He hardly seemed to notice me as he squeezed his grip on the steering wheel making me choose my words with caution."If Steve-"

I did not even have time to finish my sentence that a hand was suddenly around my neck making me jump at once into a breath. He did not apply enough pressure to stop me from breathing, but his grip was enough anxiety to make my eyes go wide, speechless.

He gave me a dark look under his cap as a warning."Don't ever say that name again."

"Bucky ..." I gasped in a shaking voice, totally ignorant of the flinch that rippled through his body at his name. All I wanted was to get the pressure of his hand out of around my airpipe which was enough to activate the alarms in my head. The only reassuring thing to me was the fact that it was not his metal arm.

"That's not who I am anymore." He said in a grave and threatening voice.

I immediately raised my hands in front of me as a sign of surrender before I tried to shake my head despite the pressure of his long fingers on my neck. The fact that he controlled the car so well with one hand was almost impressive if I was not in such a position."Okay, okay ... it's not who you are anymore. I get it. I will not bring it anymore. Or even Ste-_him_."

I was gauging him for a moment in a trembling breath, suddenly afraid that I was dealing with the Winter Soldier. He stared at me for a long time before shaking his head. I felt his fingers slowly fall off my neck, letting me fall heavily into my seat taking a deep breath holding my throat slightly sore.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled out, sounding unsure of himself. I shifted myself against the seat, trying to get a bit more comfortable.

Watching him aside, I could see his chin falling against his chest as he seemed to be getting lost in his head for a moment. I noticed how his shoulder slumped like he was holding weight he hadn't realized he was carrying. His left hand continued to twist the wheel and I quietly resigned myself. I curled up tightly in my seat, staring blankly at the road ahead.

Several long hours passed in silence, during which we drove through Virginia without once stopping, heading to North Carolina. Eventually, once the sun had gone down and cars on the interstate had started turning on their headlights, Barnes changed of line leading into a deserted little companion road.

I held out my breath in anticipation as I cast a new glance at Barnes in apprehension. I glanced between the road and him, suddenly noticing the house standing in the distance. He seemed to know where he was going as he guided our car on the dirt road leading to the colonial-style house. I swallowed as he finally slowed down the car to a stop before adjusting myself to my seat in anticipation.

He shut off the engine silently letting me take in the huge house visibly abandoned before giving him a new look from the side. The latter was motionless in his seat, his eyes riveted on the house as if reliving a kind of complex memory.

"Where we are?" I finally asked as I could feel my numb legs screaming for a break from the sitting position in which I had been forced for several hours.

There was a pause before he answered my question, his voice devoid of emotion."This was a Hydra safe house."

I felt my surprise quickly give way to annoyance as I gave him a wide look of disbelief."It's a fucking joke?" I leaned back in my seat as I took a fresh look at the house in front of us."What are we doing here?"

He shot me a dangerous, warning looke to indicate me that his patience was running thin with me. But I was definitely not ready to go back. I had let myself voluntarily train through two states already. And I did not even mention my many injuries left without care. I needed answers and now.

However, the brown was ahead of me as he leaned suddenly between our seats to retrieve a sports bag from the back of the car before giving me a side look. "Get off." He ordered as he go tour of the car, closing the door behind him with a silent snick.

Conversely, I just crossed my arms on my chest watching his back move towards the driveway leading to the porch. At the realization of the absence of my presence, the brown made a sudden pause in his rapid walk before casting a scathing glance in my direction. I could feel a slight chill run down my back at the mere sight of his eyes turning a darker shadow.

Nevertheless, I held my position as he clenched his jaw before making his way back to me with a quick and determined step. He opened the door sharply, letting me scowl at him in suspicion.

"Get off!" He ordered with more force than before.

"Like hell I'm going down!" I replied impetuously. "I wouldn't put a foot in this house of evil even if my life depended on it."

He let out a frustrated growl to my statement before refraining from acting on his instincts as he leaned over the door to catch his breath. This allowed me to get a new look at the gun in the waistband of his dirty jeans. I chewed the inside of my cheek as a plan appeared in my head before quickly raising my eyes to his face as he made a new movement in my direction.

Unfortunately I was not fast enough as he soon narrowed his eyes on me before reaching the butt of his gun. I held my breath in the realization before just staring with a gasp as he pulled the magazine out of my eyes. He threw the gun at my feet with a small click before lifting the magazine still in his hand as to taunt me. I coughed my jaw again, squeezing my grip with my arms crossed over my chest as he again hid the magazine in the waistband of his jeans. He leaned back on the door before arching an eyebrow at me expectantly. I held his gaze ice blue before turning my eyes into persistence.

Unfortunately, I had definitely not planned his next action as he let out a new sigh before taking it upon himself to detach me. I tried to push him away but he just took a firm hold of my wrist, knowingly wounded. I held a hiss of pain at the feeling of his fingers on the sensitive part before giving a sudden cry as he lifted me from my seat.

I barely had time to fully understand his intention that he suddenly carried me on his shoulder like a kind of vulgar potato bag. If the sensation of blood returning to my thigh was not so damn painful, I probably would have put on a type of fight.

Unfortunately, the sensation was enough to numb all of my synapses in a burst of pure agony. Instead, I just clenched my teeth to keep from screaming at each step. He readjusted me on his shoulder, letting me hit his muscular back in indignation.

"Seriously?" I exploded in a cry between my agony and my frustration. "Are you a caveman? Have a little more care, jerk!"

In response, the asshole tightened his grip just under my buttocks in a bruising grip. I held a whistling at the pressure applied on my thigh.

Given my position, I could not really see him catching the handle of the house but the agreement of the creaking of the house was enough to alert me. He took a step inside, embracing us in the darkness.

The house was silent, looking more like a desert and neglected suburban home than the Nazi refuge it apparently was. The dickhead didn't turn on any lights in the hall as he carried me across the hallway to a disused, dusty salon, where he flicked on the light, which was a single bare bulb before casually throwing me on the only piece of dilapidated furniture in the room. A cloud of dust suddenly surrounded me as I fell back on the old couch squeaking under my weight before being assaulted by a coughing fit in response to the dust infiltrating my nostrils and my airway.

I tried to catch my panting breath before looking for the brown in indignation. The latter was already checking most of the entrances into mistrust and apprehension to make sure we were alone. I held a swear on the tip of my lips before letting myself fall with a grimace against the couch in spite of myself.

The simple trip had managed to trigger again the flow of blood from my gunshot wound. I immediately turned my attention to my thigh to apply my hand on it in an attempt to put pressure on it. I was going to need medical equipment if I did not want to bleed to death.

However, I was not really in a state of mind to ask for help.

_I was fucking pissed and above all tired of that day. I had first been attacked by a Hydra intruder and then kidnapped by my boyfriend's best childhood friend. Boyfriend who probably didn't even know I was kidnapped.  
_

_Huh, how could he know it, there were two states, now four apart from us?  
_

_Damnit! And now my mind chose this moment to bring out my bitterness towards Steve's move!_

I was shaking my head at the mere thought before squeezing my jaw again as Hydra's asset resurfaced in the room. I immediately focused my eyes on him in pure hatred clearly done with this little game.

"Wait here." He ordered brusquely pulling me a bitter scoff.

"Like I could go somewhere!" I cried sarcastically before narrowing my eyes in indignation at his fleeing back. "You made sure of that by shooting me in the thigh!" I shook my head with a huff before letting myself fall back onto the couch.

A new crack called out to me, leaving me grimacing at the poor state of the furniture on which I rested. I was not a light weight but I was not heavy enough to cause this type of noise. I was almost certain that this place had no visitors for a good ten decades.

A new exhausted breath left my lips at the mere thought before I leaned my head towards my hand applying pressure on my thigh. I could feel a slight numbness settle down my leg allowing me to swallow despite myself.

_I was not a nurse like Robbie but even I knew it was never good when you started to suffer from a loss of sensation._

At that moment, I could vaguely feel the fear and the desire for Steve to find me. I was not the type of girl to be a damsel in distress but I wanted more than anything for Steve to find me at this time. Just to feel again his comforting atmosphere.

Unfortunately, my train of thought was interrupted again by the sudden appearance of Barnes in my field of vision. The latter hovered over me leaving me to look wide as he handed me what I supposed to be a first aid kit. I immediately looked up at him just to see that he had removed his cap giving me a clear glimpse of his face gruffy.

I swallowed with a simple nod as I took the kit before adjusting myself on the couch to rest my thigh. I hastened to remove the bandage now soaked with blood before grinning at the sight of the net hole now adorning my jeans and skin underneath.

At the step agreement, I took a fresh look at the brown just to see him settle at the small table with an old laptop. The latter seemed to date back to the 2000s, leaving me frowning. I wanted to question him but the urgent situation of my thigh prevented me from asking for more.

Instead, I took care of opening the first aid kit to take a pair of chisels. At the plausible weapon, I gave a new look at Barnes in uncertainty. The dark-haired man seemed scarcely conscious of the plan forming in my head as he seemed completely engrossed in his search. I made sure to hide the metal under the sleeve of my navy sweater before taking care of the best I could of the wound on my thigh.

I was going to put some time before I could even walk but it was definitely not going to stop me from trying to escape. Not if I had the chance.


	52. We are our choices

_"We are our choices." J.P Sartres_

* * *

At this point, I did not even count the hours I waited for the perfect moment to hit. There had not really been any evolution on the side of Barnes. He had not once moved from the little table. He just seemed transfixed on his screen. His eyes focused on files after files that he seemed devoured with little emotion.

Watching Barnes hunched over the table with a thin line on his lips was the only entertainment offered since I had taken care of suturing my wound as I could with the little provision at my disposal.

Now, I began to lose patience. My mind was a whirlwind of exhausting thought and I could not even count the numbers of deadly thoughts that crossed my mind in the last hours.

_I was seriously starting to go crazy here._

If I followed the little clue provided to me, it might have been a day or two since the break-in in my apartment. When that happened, it was dark and we had been driving for a good part of the day until nightfall. And now, I could lightly see the sun's rays trying to break through the dark night through the window.

_Someone had to notice my absence at this point. Right?_

Folding my lips, I tried to reassure myself with the cold sensation of the scissors nesting in the sleeve of my fine sweater.

However, my attention was soon to be entertained by an alarming beep coming from the computer. Barnes immediately straightened up in confusion and alarm.

"What's going on?" He murmured coldly, his obvious suspicion.

Realizing that the sudden opportunity I was expecting was finally within reach, I gave a small smirk before leaning nonchalantly against the couch to taunt him with confidence."Look like you're having some problems, buddy."

Barnes immediately raised his cold eyes at me in frustration."What's happening ?"

I just shrugged my shoulders with disinterest. "It's not like I can see through the computer."

"Can you find out what's going on?" Barnes wanted to know, shifting to lean impatiently further on the table.

I raised a surprised eyebrow that he even entertained the thought of asking my help before shrugging my shoulders pretending in uncertainty."I can try."

Without an ounce of hesitation, he got up with the computer before quickly joining my side. I winced again at the feeling of the sofa almost failing to yield under our combined weights. He immediately put the computer on my thighs forcing me to readjust the device to avoid contact with my new bandage before giving a side view on the brown breathing down my neck.

His jaw was clenched as he stared at the screen."Do it." He ordered.

At his sudden proximity, I managed to slip slowly but surely the pair of chisels under my sweater. I readjusted my catch by taking a deep breath in the preparation. I could feel my derivative eyes on the joint between his neck and shoulder. Not lethal but painful enough to make him temporarily unable to follow me.

_That was what I expected. It was the perfect moment to hit. So why did I hesitate?_

I swallowed as I took in his gaze fixed on the screen with a deep frown reminding me strangely of my many technology learning sessions with Steve.

Finally leaving my grip on the chisel, I looked back at the screen to see what was going on. I was far from knowing myself as much as Arlene in that department. There was a reason she was the one who got me all the files on the SHIELD.

Nevertheless, I could probably get by if I tried.

I released a breath to this thought already knowing that I would regret it before adjusting myself on the couch to make me a little more comfortable. I put my hands on the keyboard before quickly frowning at the sight of a current download bar. I immediately glanced at Barnes at my side before returning to the screen eagerly.

"What did you do?" I exclaimed as I tapped furiously on the keyboard to try to find the problem.

There was a pause, then. "I watched the files deliver on the internet concerning Hydra and SHIELD."

He wanted to know what they had on him.

"You did what?" I exclaimed again in disbelief at his stupidity before resuming my keyboard exercise. I unveiled my thoughts before I became fully aware of what that actually meant to me. "It's the last thing to do. They're all chasing you. You must have activated a kind of virus supposed to trace your location. This is not a secure server so they will have a pin on ... _us."_

I finally realized the implication of my words by slowing my fingers on the keyboard in a whisper.

The brown at my side also seemed to be aware of my action as he gave an intense look at my profile. "Stop the download." At my lack of reaction, he suddenly pulled a knife out of his jacket before pointing it at me."I said ... stop the download."

"You will not be able to access the files." I recalled how I was brave enough to ignore the sharp blade in my direction. It had the gift of taking a break as he glanced at the screen."We're far enough, they can't come as fast to us."

"How long until the download is complete?" He asked, clearly desperate to get these files on him.

I rested my eyes on the screen, casting a suspicious glance at the blade, always too close to me for my taste."Can you take that away from my face? I'm helping you here." Barnes seemed to be listening, letting me give him a surprised look before typing on the keyboard again. "It'll take a couple of minutes."

The brown immediately jumped to his feet before giving me a nod of his head. Once again, I found myself completely puzzled at the sight of his back running through the living room. I took a look at the download bar progressing on the screen in indecision before releasing a small grunt to my own train of thought.

_I was going to regret it so much._

I ignored my blatant desire to take advantage of Barnes' absence to betray him and put the computer on the couch instead. I leaned on the arm rest of the sofa to try to stabilize myself before retaining a hiss as I tried to get up. A growl left my lips at the sensation of my thigh screaming in protest before biting my lower lip to hold back a scream.

That was how Barnes found me as he popped up again in the living room with two sports bags in his hands and an assault rifle strapped into his middle. He raised an eyebrow at the pathetic sight before putting the bags on the floor. I was surprised again by his gesture as he put his hand around my middle to help me stand up before raising an eyebrow as an impatient question."Let's go."

He picked up the hard drive connect to the computer before helping me walk to the bags. He managed to take them in each hand while keeping a hold under my arm to help me walk. A muscle twitched in his jaw at the sudden charge along his arms. It was not enough to reach him since he had the serum flowing in his veins but it was enough to make him aware of the charge.

We moved silently down the hall, my chisel long forgotten as we approached the door. He helped me make my way outside before dragging me all the way to the car.

Once on the passenger side, I leaned on the passenger door before giving him a side look. "I can manage."

He gave me a side glance looking almost reluctant to let me go but I just rolled my eyes before pushing him slightly by way of insistence. Obviously, it didn't affect him, but he let me go.

I was pressing most of my weight on my good leg as I grabbed the door handle before pulling it to make my way inside. I jumped on one foot to move before using the door and the strength of my arms to hoist me into the passenger seat. I slammed the door behind me just to raise my eyebrows at the sight of Barnes playing with the wires in a clever and expert way to restart the car. Soon enough the engine sounded to life, letting me put my belt as he put his arm on my headrest to put the car in reverse at full speed.

I was just standing on the handle over the door as he took a tight turn to put the car back straight before pressing the accelerator. I restrained myself from looking at the speedometer as I squeezed the handle with all my strength, an adrenaline rush keeping me from thinking what I had just embarked on.

As we suddenly hit the interstate, Barnes looked into the inside retro just to squeeze his jaw before accelerating further.

"What? What's the matter?" I asked as I frowned my brows before bending to look over my shoulder. At the sight of two black SUVs speeding into the dirt road we had just left, I immediately put my eyes wide on Barnes in the realization."They were not so far away eventually."

We drove silently for several hours, putting a few hundred miles between us and the Hydra safehouse. The clock read 11: 12 in the morning when Barnes decided to stop for a moment in a scummy, run-down motel. It looked like most of the motels I had to visit during my spinning mills during my PI activity, windows were cracked, the brick building dated back to the seventies and I immediately gave a critical look to the neon sign who was flickering weakly.

At the sight worthy of a horror movie, I immediately gave an apathetic look at the brown at my side."You really have the chic to choose your hiding places."

He barely recognized my comment as he scanned the front door with suspicion before ordering me to stay in the car. Once again, I felt the intense desire to remind him of my inability to walk but I just kept quiet. He picked up the sports bags in the back before adjusting the cap on his head as he walked to the reception desk. I followed his back chewing the inside of my cheek in a sudden realization.

_I had just helped him to flee. Worse, I had the perfect opportunity to save myself from this mess and I was willing to stay._

I shook my head in indignation at my train of thought before pulling the sunshade in front of me to cast a frustrated glance at my reflection."What's wrong with you, damnit!"

It was the first time I had seen my reflection since the attack in my apartment and I could not really hold the grimace on my lips at the sight of my condition. A stain of blood adorned my cheek, probably because of the time I rubbed my face during my suturing process, and heavy purple bags lay under my exhausted eyes.

I let a long sigh leave my lips as I fully realized the situation in which I was. I let myself fall back into my seat in fatigue before glancing back through the window at the sight of Barnes coming out of the office, a room key in his hand. He quickly joined my side by opening the door before giving me a critical look by way of question. I took off my seat belt before answering with my arms to get out of the car. His hands automatically steadied me as I stumbled to find my feet and his gaze flicked down the length of my body. His frown deepened further at the sight of the bandage around my thigh. He took it upon himself to hide this part as he guided me to one of the closest rooms to our car if we were to leave the premises again in the rush.

The room was small, containing a poorly made double bed and a table with two chairs. There was at least one small kitchen in the corner containing a sad looking kettle, chipped mugs and the kind of tea and coffee selection you expect to see in a cheap motel.

Barnes helped me to the small table before putting me in the nearest chair. Once installed, he immediately returned to the door to lock it. He then pulled off his jacket and hooded jacket leaving me a clear glimpse of his metal arm for the first time. I held a breath to the sight of the shiny chrome plates that interlocked and flowed together to mimic the movement and flexibility of a real arm.

I turned away my eyes as he turned to me again, letting me focus my falsely innocent look on the wall. I wrinkled my lips at the sensation of his intense blue eyes glued to me before starting to absently tap my nails against the surface of the table in nervousness.

"Stop that." He ordered suddenly, letting me narrow my gaze to him this time. I was seriously starting to get tired of his little authoritarian act.

Just to test him, I kept my gaze intentionally focused on him while taking again the slap of my nails against the table. The soldier frowned at my annoying fingers before going up the length of my arm, my neck before crossing my defying eyes. At the sight of my eyes, he raised his eyebrows in silence before casually throwing his jacket over the bed. He immediately walked over to me before suddenly grabbing my hand allowing me to pull in an attempt to free myself.

"Hey! Let me go! For Christ's sake let me go!" I muttered as he tightened his hold slightly on my hand. Realizing that it was a fight lost in advance, I stopped my fight before giving him an irritating look."Fine! I stop."

He just gave a nod before taking a seat in the chair in front of me. He pulled the key USB back into his pocket again and put it between us on the top of the table.

I raised an eyebrow in the confusion before raising my eyes on him by way of just gave me an impatient look. "I have to see these files. "

"Yeah? Well, I would like to be in the security of my apartment. But we don't always have what we want." I replied sarcastically as I crossed my arms over my chest before giving him a bored look. "What do you plan to do with it anyway?"

There was a moment of silence during which he observed me before finally answering my question. "There are still Hydra agents."

I raised my eyebrows in expectation of more but he just supported my gaze with a deadly frightening expression. I immediately arched an eyebrow in the realization."Holy shit, you want to go after these guys?"

I let myself fall back into my seat at his silence before shaking my head in disbelief. I was trying to take a moment to fully realize his intention before reminding myself of Steve and his small mission. He was counting on finding him. He thought he was still Bucky and after spending the last day at his side, maybe he was right. But Hydra's product was still heavily implanted in him.

_He was not the man Steve once knew. And I doubted he could become one again._

Leaving a deep sigh at Steve's thought, I gave Barnes a new look in frustration. "So, what now?"

"I need to see these files."

I rolled my eyes at his insistence loop."Yeah, I understood. But our only way to get there is back in the haunted house." I recalled in annoyance before giving him an insistent look. "So, I ask again ... what now?"

"You have to find a computer." He replied seriously, letting me let out a grunt of frustration. I let my head fall into my palm in annoyance.  
I shook my head for a moment before giving him an impatient look. "You're not going to let that go, huh?" At his determined gaze, I let a new sigh. "Fine! I can find better than that. I know someone-"

"No!" He interrupted me dryly in a snarl making me jump slightly. He took a breath. "I don't trust you."

"Seriously? I just helped you, man." I exploded in disbelief.

"You also tried to stab me with a pair of chisels." He replied coldly with his accusing glance at me.

I paused with my eyes wide at his admission before swallowing heavily in the expectation of retaliation. He knew. He knew what I was planning, and he sat down next to me.

_Did he not see me as a threat at all? God, it was damn frustrating.  
_

Trying to ignore the anger radiating my veins, I tried again to show him the reality of our situation.

"You can't continue like this. Look around us." I signed the shabby motel as a point. "We're in a motel. Chased by Hydra and no resources at our disposal. Now you think you may be invisible, but the reason you were successful was because Hydra did all the work of recognition for you. I read your file; I know what I'm talking about." I took a break to gauge his expression before continuing to see his look blank."We need outside help."

He seemed to be considering my words silently before straightening his cold shoulders."Why would you like to help me?"

"If I help you, will you let me go?" I tried cautiously. Barnes tilted his head slightly as he looked at me, his gauze eerily blank and cold; eventually, he gave a single, sharp nod of negation."What? But why?"

"You read my file." He replied again, as if that were supposed to explain his train of thought in himself. I gave him a flat look in impatience."You know Hydra." He gave me another of his oddly sardonic looks, letting my lips crease as he used my arguments against me."And you have resources."

I took a deep breath to try to control my temper before giving him a dark look." I can't do that."

"Why?" He asked almost immediately as if the very concept of refusal was impossible for him.

I raised an eyebrow imagining a more arrogant and confident version of himself with women. Obviously, some aspects of his personality were still deeply engrained under his Hydra past. And it had to be arrogance and self-confidence.

I held a roll of my eyes before losing some of my composure at my admission."Because of Ste..." I paused to examine his reaction before continuing. "Steve. He's looking for you, you know."

"I'm no longer the man he knew." It was his only melancholy answer, letting me experience for the first time an ounce of sympathy.

I nodded as he turned away his eyes again reminding me of Steve in the early days of our friendship. The distant gaze, the detached expression and the guilt coupled with the confusion weighing on his shoulders.

At that moment, I suddenly found myself entertaining the idea of helping him in his plan. However, I hastened to remind myself of my commitments. Or rather, the man who was waiting for me in New York.

Only my involvement with Barnes behind his back was already a betrayal. I should have told him for my discussion with Fury. Obviously, the guy was right down the line. Barnes had been around since the beginning. Steve would probably have a fit if he knew his best friend had been so close all this time.

I took a deep breath as I realized that I was already weighing the consequences that involved participating in his plan. It was almost like I just could not ignore the brown. No matter how much I wanted to be right and worthy of Steve's confidence on my shoulders, I just could not help but fall back into my old habits.

_More so when my fears just seemed to find the stupid idea of accompanying an ex-assassin after Hydra much safer than attempting a serious relationship with Steve._

I realized at that moment how much I was not ready for a new relationship. If I was also ready to do this kind of high-risk thing then I was definitely not ready to let myself be vulnerable to another man, no matter how much I loved him. If I agreed to finish things between us, it did not mean I didn't like him. On the contrary, I thought I loved Steve even more than I liked Ben at a certain point. And that scared me. There was just so much that could go wrong. It might have been better to finish things before we were in too deep.

I already knew that the pain would be unbearable if I agreed to leave Steve behind.

Nevertheless, it was probably the best decision. For both of us. I was not happy in this relationship. And it was not fair of me to misleading Steve. He definitely did not deserve that. It may have been selfish but I could almost already feel a slight weight rise from my shoulders as I thought.

Reminding me of Barnes' presence, I was almost embarrassed to find him with his pensive eyes fixed on me with heavy lines of contemplation marring his brow. He had reclined back in his chair and drawn the same knife he had used to threaten me earlier, which he was expertly flipping and twirling between his fingers seemingly absent-mindedly.

I let my eyes dragged between the knife between his fingers and his thoughtful face into mistrust before I readjust to my chair in discomfort."What are you going to do once you've erased all the names on the list?"

It seemed to get his attention as he stopped dead in his activity before turning his head towards me, seeming totally taken aback. He seemed almost lost strangely reminding me of a little puppy right now.

I arched an expectant eyebrow before shaking my head in realization."God, it'll be harder than I thought."

"What's it supposed to mean?" He asked dryly with a heavy accent. It was not a real Brooklyn accent but not a European accent either. It was a combination I had never heard before and it was strangely appealing if I were to be honest.

_It did not have to deny it. James Buchannan Barnes was once a sight for the eyes and his little makeover version Hydra matched him just as well. In the lethal weapon kind and assassin muscle mass._

I winced at my own disjointed train of thought before letting out a new sigh already knowing that I was going to regret it. "We're going to need to make a stop in New York."


	53. Show me your darkness

_"Light is easy to love. Show me your darkness." Unknow_

* * *

_God, I hated silence._

And yet, I could not be more grateful for the silence now hovering above our heads. After taking as little time as possible to cool off and get back in the car, Barnes and I were on the road again. He was strangely accommodating for this kind of trip. Silent and alert. Not surprisingly, he was not the talkative type. I did not really know when he had the opportunity to have a real conversation. He must have lost the habit of social conventions. And that suited me perfectly. Because it allowed me to think more about what I was about to do. As much as I wanted to show a strong and determined front, I could not deny the doubt invading me.

_Was it really the right thing to do? Did I do that for Steve? Or for me? Was I really able to do it?_

I did not really have much choice as to how to proceed. The easiest solution would be to write him a letter and clear off. But then it would be the same as a text. It was cowardly and disrespectful of the love I had for Steve. I couldn't do that.

_Leave him without a word? It was even worse. Who knew if he wouldn't look for me. __No, there was only one way to proceed. I was going to have to face him. Lying again and pushing him back in the worst way unimaginable._

Knowing Steven, he would not let me go so easily. He was stubborn and perseverant. He was probably the last person who would let me leave his life without a fight. Especially after everything we had shared. So I was going to have to tell him the only thing that could really break his heart: _**I don't love you anymore.**_

It was strange for Bucky, but he could not help but realize that the woman by his side didn't seem as scared of him as most of the other people who had once populated his life. She was calm and quiet. She did not speak to him either as a type of weapon or even as an asset. She had that look in her eyes. Like the time he was still fighting with himself.

He gave her a short side glance just to see her with her good leg resting against her chest as she stretched her injured leg over the dashboard. She watched the scenery parade through the window with a deep, thoughtful frown. She was also pouting along her lips as if she were going through some sort of hard time. A pout she seemed to carry even since he had asked her to accompany him in his plan.

He had not really intended to keep her close to him, thinking only that he couldn't leave her at the mercy of Hydra. She was after all one of his old targets. If she was an enemy of Hydra then she had to be innocent. And then he remembered the many times he had met her. The number of times he had met her eyes. And she was with this Potomac-Steve man. But the plan had totally changed once she had skillfully pointed out all the flaws in his own plan. He did not have Hydra's resources. The simple procedure of downloading data led him to be spotted.

On the other hand, she seemed to know what she was doing. She could be useful. So, he made his decision. Perhaps part of him was somewhat lonely and desperate to return to the man he once was. Or at least try to become a human again.

In the mere presence of this woman, he was getting flashed of memory more and more regularly now without having to painfully strain his mind in an attempt to grasp them and suspected that more memory would follow the longer he was away of Hydra, with their drugs and their damned machines. The memories were nothing major, nothing about Steve or even the man Bucky Barnes had once been, rather they were small things, things that he would never have even though as the soldier-feeling of curiosity about this women and the desire to fill the silence to find out what she thought.

For some reason, he appreciated her being by his side, the way she would sigh every ten minutes in response to a thought, how her fingers would want to distractedly tap her thigh in a distracting pattern and how she would tuck one particular lock of hair behind her ear, only for it to fall forwards once more a few minutes later.

She was nothing like what he had known in his years with Hydra. She was much more open and easy to read than the doctors and the Strike team with whom he had been forced to interact.

_And she had helped him._

They stopped that night in another motel, this one rather nicer than the others they had been to so far. Barnes would have preferred to continue driving by night and arrive as soon as possible to the destination of which she alone seemed to know. But a look at her bandage again stained had reminded him that she had no healing speeding up like him. Plus, he had to admit that the last few weeks with little or no sleep had finally caught up with him. It had been months since he had fled, and the first months after his escape from the Potomac had not been the easiest for him.

_Once again when did he have a moment of respite in his life?_

He had to wean himself off any drugs they had given him knowing that they could very well find him at any time in his vulnerable state. No matter how sweaty his whole body, constant vomiting and trembling, he must have been driven by pain to continue changing squats in the hope of escaping his owners.

At the mere memory, he felt the plates of his arm contract as he held his fist. The leather of his gloves crackled under his fingers alerting almost immediately the brunette at his side. It reminded him that he did not even know her name. He made sure to check the locks of the room again as the brunette settled again on one of the chairs, her limp a little less obvious. She seemed on the way to a cure. It was good for him. The faster she healed and the faster they could move forward in his plan.

"What's your name?" He asked suddenly without even bothering to think. He immediately felt the eyes of the brunette on his profile allowing him to stretch in spite of himself.

She seemed surprised at first but she soon gave him a nonchalant answer. "Danae. But most people call me Dan or Dee."

He frowned at once in his confusion. "Why?"

To his surprise, she let out a breath of laughter, letting him momentarily detach his eyes from his observation of the bedroom to take in her smile with a strange feeling in his chest. He was not as cold and passive as usual at the sight of her smile. It was strange.

"Danae is fine." She said before frowning slightly as she gave him a side look."You? How do you want to be called?" Before he could even answer, she continued. "I've already called you Barnes in my head but ..."

He frowned at her suggestion before giving her a side look. "I'll call you Dana." _It was the name of one of his captives. She was nice to him. That's why they killed her._ He gave her a side glance to examine her reaction before answering her question. "Barnes is fine too."

A new silence fell on their duet during which he took the chance to lock himself in the bathroom to enjoy a luxury to which he had not been entitled during the last seventy years. A hot and relaxing shower. There was the minimum time since a threat could arise at any time but he tried to take advantage of every drop before going out.

Sparing just a glance at the metal appendage grafted onto his skin, he shifted himself back into his dirty clothes with a note to himself to buy more clothes in the future.

Making his way back to the bedroom, he was surprised to find the brunette in exactly the same position he had left her. She was staring at the window covered by the curtains and another of her thoughtful expressions on her face.

To tell the truth, she seemed scarcely aware of his presence, which was both alarming and reassuring at the same time. Alarming because she could be as disconnected from reality as to put herself in danger and reassuring because she seemed sufficiently confident with him to let herself drift into the confines of her mind. Trying to make as much noise as possible to alert her of his presence, he crossed the room before settling into the chair still available.

She almost immediately took her empty eyes off the windows to gauge him with a suspicious look. It was something she seemed to do often. She was not as harmless and calm as she let it appear.

"We'll be in New York soon." She stated firmly and seriously. She seemed in planning mode as she watched him carefully."I know someone who can host us for a while. He gonna provide us info and false papers. Staying on the continent is suicide."

He shook his head attentively at each of her proposals knowing that she was partially right. Plus, the luck that Hydra agents are still around was unlikely. They had to withdraw to most bases in Europe. It was the safest for them. At least that's what they thought.

"You'll have to stay alone for a while with my trustworthy person." She suddenly announced, making him squint on her in mistrust. A slight grunt of objection escaped him, alerting her."I will not denounce you. But if you really want my help then this is my condition." She looked deadly grave, not giving him a choice before going back into a whisper, broken as she avoided his eyes."I have to make sure _he_ stays out of the way."

Another brief silence, during which he took in her words with undisguised interest."He?"

"You don't want to know." She answered immediately with a rise in her eyebrows. He narrowed his lips in the realization. It must have been about the man on the bridge. Nevertheless, she suddenly changed the tone of the conversation as she gave him a closer look."What do you remember? "

For a long time, he thought of cutting off this conversation and simply returning to the observation of the window, but he ended up leaving his thoughts in the open air again. It was something she seemed to get from him. He ended up opening up.

"I remember falling. It was a long drop."He said, his voice blank. He took a deep, shuddering breath."I also remember the operation. I woke up in the middle of the procedure, killing one of the surgeons. They often did work on it, making improvements."

She nodded, pretending to know what he was talking about."Yeah, I remember reading somewhere that they had to make sure that your body didn't reject the metal. As well as avoid contaminating your blood."

He nodded, squeezing and loosening his fist in response before shrugging his shoulders slightly."Then I only remember ..." He paused with a slight frown."_Steve_, Captain America ... he said I was his friend. But I just don't ..."

"Remember." She finished for him with an ounce of sympathy in her tone. He immediately raised his eyes in the realization. A heavy silence fell over them as they supported the other's gaze in a sort of understanding. Finally, Dana took a breath. "I know a lot about you and Steve. He told me your adventures. I could fill some void for you if you want."

Barnes shifted so that he was suddenly looking at her before pausing, seeming almost lost and confused by the reason she was trying to help him. The acts of kindness were not really a constant in his lifestyle.

Nevertheless, he just leaned his head to the side before shrugging his shoulders."Maybe one day."

"When will you be ready then." She agreed with a firm nod, before mastering a weak little smile."After all, we might spend a lot of time together, it looks like."

Barnes nodded his way to her and stood up, pointing to the bed as an offer for her."You should sleep a little."

"I'm fine. I could sleep in the car." She said with a negative jerk of her head before giving him a sharp look."On the other hand... you will not be able to continue if you don't sleep a little."

"Wake me up in a few hours so you can sleep." He told her by way of agreement and she nodded in response.

He headed to the double bed that dominated most of the small motel room. He lay down fully dressed on one side, close to the door and above the blankets before trying to close his eyes. He took a deep breath, trying to make his thoughts silent. The bed was far softer and more comfortable that he was used to, previously having slept on a hard, narrow cot in a cell in the times he had been awake between missions.

His body, however, was exhausted enough to sleep despite the feeling of floating and he quickly slipped into dark oblivion to the soothing sound of the breath of Dana.

The thought of facing Steve seemed fearsome enough to keep me awake. I was totally unable to plan a plan to make the process less painful. No matter how I tried, I just seemed unable to compartmentalize my feelings.

_All I knew was that I had to hurt him enough to make him not want to follow me. Certainly, he couldn't want to find me if I hurt him enough. It was probably the most unfair just that I was about to do._

After that, I would be the despicable human being that I seemed to describe from the beginning. But I could not really do otherwise.  
There was no chance he would approve of going after the Bucky holders and worse yet, Barnes was definitely not ready to see Steve again soon. He needed time to find himself before. And I was willing to help him in this process. If it allowed Steve to find his best friend in the process then I was ready to sacrifice our relationship.

His best friend was much more important than our relationship. He did not know it yet but Barnes was probably one of his biggest pillars. He would end up forgetting our story.

_At least I hoped._

My gaze drifted briefly over Barnes at this thought, letting me take a sudden pause on the man. He was lying completely still on his back, his only movements being his chest rising and falling with his slows breathes in and out. He was rather interesting as he slept, his face easily the most relaxed that I had seen it so far and not half hidden by his cap.

I took with a slightly fascination in his features, his long, dark hair into uncombed tangles around his face, his jaw chiseled and lined with thick stubble, his straight brows were ever so slightly furrowed even in his sleep and his mouth was turned down in the corners.

I let out another inaudible sigh, an action that I seemed to be doing a lot since my decision, before suddenly glancing at Barnes at the agreement of his whispering.

He trashed again, his members in a hold close and stiff as he turned and veered along the bed. A familiar image flickered in my mind as I realized he probably had to face a kind of violent nightmare if I thought his fists tangled in the covers. The veins along his arms seemed to come out more as his whispers soon turned into a grunt of a foreign language. And then suddenly, he started screaming, positively roaring, in what sounded like terrible pain, his hands clenched into fists in the sheets and his whole-body rigid and arching from the bed.

Now in normal times, I would rush to his side to wake him but I remembered at the last moment the threat he represented. He was not in his normal state most of the time and if I thought the trauma he was going through right now, he could very well wake up only answer is violence and defense.

Unfortunately if he continued, he was going to get attention and that was all but what we wanted. Reacting on the moment, I rushed on the sink of the small kitchen before filling a glass of water in the eagerness. I made sure to stay at a distance to be out of his reach before grimacing as I threw him the glass of water in his face. I jumped in a leap backwards as he exploded suddenly in motion. As I had planned, he grabbed the first thing in his way, the bedside lamp, and broke it with a simple squeeze of his metal hand.

I found myself just hanging up against the wall with my mouth open as I watched the remaining debris from what might have been my neck or one of my limbs.

Suddenly he set his sights on me letting me hold my breath in panic and slight apprehension. I was getting ready to defend myself despite having already planned my defeat before closing my eyelids in spite of myself while waiting for the pain. It was only when I recorded the silence surrounding me that I opened my eyes just to see the totally motionless brown with his eyes fixed on me in sadness and regret.

However, he did not take long to change as he became aware of the water running down his eyebrow. He reached the liquid substance with his finger before giving me a curious look. His eyes caught the glass still clenching in an iron grip in my hand before turning his eyes to me in realization.

I could feel my breath coming back to me as I watched him carefully and mildly distrustful. I pushed myself out of the wall, loosening my grip on the glass a little between my fingers.

Barnes took my tense position into account before pulling back in a shuddering breath, the obvious regret in his tone." I'm sorry."

"It's okay. This is not the first time I have encountered this kind of thing." I honestly answered as the image of Ben waving and screaming in our bed resurfacing in my mind. It seemed like light years for me. I did not even remember the last time I actually thought of Ben that way without including Steve.

I was finally moving back to the small kitchen clearly oblivious to his curious and slightly frustrated look on my back.

There was silence again for several painfully long seconds before Barnes resumed the conversation."You should sleep."

I put the glass down before turning to him with a simple nod. I headed for the bed, taking care to sit on the undo side by Barnes before lying on my side. The brown immediately took my place in the chair, taking out the same knife of the last time before setting his sights on the window, a deep crease between his eyebrows as if he were deep in thought.

I watched as he sat rigid and still, the only movement of the knife that was still being flipped and spun between his fingers with easy, dangerous grace while he stared blankly at the window. I was trying hard to get some sleep but it seemed like my mind was on a different note. I closed my eyelids tight as I tried to control my breath for the umpteenth time.

Unfortunately all I could think of was the brown not far from me and the nightmares he had just faced. In a last hope of sleep, I turned on my other side offering him my back. I stuck my hand under the pillow to try to make myself more comfortable before reducing my breathing in a simple calm breath.

I could feel the sleep in the back of my mind, but the image of Barnes screaming in pain at the top of his lungs resurfaced in my mind.

Turning back to my side in abandonment, I released a deep sigh. This alerted the tall brown as he turned his head in my direction. I was not long in catching the power of his frozen blue eyes in the dim light. They seemed to penetrate me like a kind of laser ray. As if with a single glance, he could guess all my deep and dark secrets.

I felt a slight shiver seize my limbs as I supported his gaze with a trembling breath. For some reason, I was literally still in the grip of his gaze. As if he could petrify me with the power of his deep blue eyes.

At the sensation of the hairs rising up along my body, I could strangely feel my heart speeding up into a feeling of adrenaline. As if his eyes awakened a kind of volcano pushed to sleep for far too long. As I swallowed, I suddenly jumped into a sitting position before rushing into the bathroom. I locked myself before leaning against the door to try to catch my breath. I suddenly raised my eyes before pausing on my face in the mirror.

I frowned at the sight of the blush covering most of my cheeks and the wild look in my eyes. It was as if I had been transported into a sort of trance. I turned my eyes away from my face in a sudden sense of shame before letting myself slide down the door in exhaustion. I let go of the handle once on the floor before lifting my eyes to the ceiling as I could finally feel the last days catch me.

* * *

_Hello guys,_

_We enter a new arc of the story, that of Barnes and Danae. I know it's a Steve / Dan story but she's going to have a big impact on the healing of the Winter Soldier. I don't really know if you still like the turn of this story ... I have much less reviews so I don't really know and besides, I suffer a little of the syndrome of the blank page so tell me if you are still interested._

_PS: Thanks again to those who regularly post and add / follow this story._


	54. Chaos is here again

_"It's all about finding the calm in the chaos." Donna Karan_

* * *

Silence reigned in the car between us as the sun rose on the interstate. Barnes was driving with his gloved hands clenched tightly on the steering wheel, tired and clearly on the edge as we approached the big city. We had traveled a good part of the night and at this pace, we would be in New York well before noon. We stopped only to buy more gas and food for the trip. Surprisingly, Barnes was able to recover a good cash upstream from Hydra's safe house. It allowed us to stay out of the radar.

My eyes had traveled from time to time on him as I was looking for a way to bring back into a conversation his little moment earlier. Only I knew how much that must be the last thing he really wanted to talk about. Nightmares were a subject I had mastered, having suffered from this trauma for over three years before meeting Steve. I knew they might come back as I walked away from the big blond but again, I was ready to endure the nightmares if it meant helping Barnes in his little vendetta. He deserved a sense of justice. And I needed a way to keep myself busy. It was the best compromise I had been able to find since I had agreed to participate in his plan.

Now it was enough for me to manage the technicalities of the plan. And that meant getting Khallahan's full cooperation. Brown had left DC to join the New York-based FBI headquarters. I knew he had been able to afford a small house in the neighborhood a bit back in the city and he seemed to fully enjoy the New York lifestyle.

I knew it was risky to implicate him since he had basically changed sides but he had always been my second point of contact after Sam. And since I could not really rely on Sam with Barnes for more than obvious reasons, it was natural for me to turn to Jay.

_He was probably going to have an attack at the sight of Barnes._

Still working better with noise, I suddenly leaned over the dashboard before reaching for the radio. I did not know the sudden look of the brown at my side on my profile as I raised the sound to a level sufficient to remain tolerable for his hearing improve and let me rocked by the blazing music around us.

Unfortunately, it must have been more soothing than I had planned because the next thing I realized was the feeling of Barnes' hand on my shoulder as he tried to shake me to wake me up."Dana ... Dana, wake up."

I jumped in a response before looking nervously around me just to see that he had stopped in an alley along the crowded streets of New York. The sun was already high in the sky letting me take a look at the dashboard to see that I was not wrong in my estimates, it was 11:35am.

"There are too many people." Barnes suddenly announced in a gritty voice letting me realize his nervousness and his rigid position. He seemed to look distractedly around us on the alert."The largest Hydra base is here."

"I know." I was now so alert before biting inside my cheek that I was about to ask him. "Let me drive."

Barnes reached out with his hands on the steering wheel before turning his head towards me with his eyes narrowed in mistrust. He took a moment to take in my angular face as I supported his bluish look before seeming to decide. Even before I could say anything to convince him, he opened the door by readjusting his cap low on his face before going out. Realizing what he wanted to do, I hurried off to my turn ignoring the pain waking up along my thigh at the sensation of my weight leaning on it.

I tried to reach the driver's side while Barnes hastened to return to the passenger seat. I gave him a side look before taking charge of reigniting the car with the wires. Barnes seemed somewhat surprised at the agreement of the vibrating motor under us but he quickly erased his expression.

I hastened to leave the driveway he had driven us before asking him to stay in the back of his seat to avoid road cameras. I did not know as much New York as DC so it was harder to avoid the cameras but I struggled as best I could to make my way with my head down.

I drove in absolute silence for few minutes, the car thankfully having still enough gas to take us to our destination. Barnes lay alert on the passenger seat, his hand almost threatening to break his kneecap so much he was squeezing it.

Finally I was not long in reaching Jay's little house letting me lean on the wheel once parked close enough to the sidewalk along the house. It was the typical dream house with a white fence and blue shutters. The simple sight let me snort slightly as I thought of the man living inside. He was anything but the type of guy to desire this lifestyle.

At the sensation of Barnes gesturing lightly in his seat, I soon lost all humor as I gave him a serious look. "You'll have to trust me on this one." Barnes held my gaze for a moment as if he were questioning my motives again before nodding reluctantly."Stay behind me." His approval was all I needed as I unfastened my belt before making my way outside.

I was not slow to hear the slam of his door as I crossed the street watching the surroundings before quickly go up the aisle of Jay to reach his porch. All the while, Barnes was flanking my side with his head down. His hands in his pockets were clenched in fists and I could see his shoulders stretching with each new car pass behind us. He was definitely on alert and probably on the brink of going into Winter Soldier mode.

Nevertheless, I was deeply relieved that he trusted me enough to follow me.

I was quick to reach Jay's door, giving a quick glance at Barnes, pointing the side to keep him safe from Jay when he opened the door."Stay on the side."

At the realization of my tense and authoritative tone, I managed a little _please_ before turning to the door again. I waited for Barnes to stand on the side before pressing the bell, holding my breath. Luckily, I was not slow to hear steps coming from the other side.

I squeezed and fisted my fists beside me in an effort to handle my nervousness before squinting my lips in a tense smile as Jay finally opened the door with a surprised look."Dee, what are-" He did not take long to pause as he took in my appearance before widening his eyes on my thigh. "The hell happened to you?"

"I need your help." I said in a serious tone before making a sudden dramatic pause. "_We_ need your help."

And as if that was enough for Barnes, he soon joined my side letting Jay widen his eyes with a gasp at the sight of the soldier by my side. I noticed his hand went straight for his 9mm still in his holster but I immediately raised my hand to prevent him from doing the worst stupidity of his life. Especially when I could feel Barnes about to replicate.

"Whoa, whoa, don't do th-"

I did not even have time to finish because Barnes rushed Jay into the hallway of the entrance and pressed him against the wall with the blade of his threatening knife. His hand immediately flew over his mouth to prevent him from shouting, letting me run after them down the hall. I made sure to lock the door behind me before standing next to Barnes as he kept his grip on Jay.

"I thought he was trustworthy." Barnes said in a dark, gritty voice, letting me squint my lips as Jay immediately turned his panicked eyes on me.

"He is." I assured myself, supporting Jay's gaze to try to make him understand the situation."That's not what it looks like. I know you must be confused like hell but you have to listen to us." He gave a look at Barnes giving a scoff under his hand still against his lips. I rolled my eyes in exasperation."For God's sake, release him, Barnes."

Barnes seemed visibly against my opinion but to the surprise of all, he was quick to withdraw his hand and then take a step back with his knife. Jay fell heavily to the ground, catching his breath for a moment.

I crossed my arms over my chest while waiting for Jay's explosion knowingly. Barnes meanwhile was simply motionless at my side leaving me a slight bitter taste at the feeling of finding myself in the position of his holders.

Quickly wiping this thought out of my mind, I was quick to raise an eyebrow as Jay focused his indignant gaze on me. "What shit did you get in again?"

"The kind that requires your intervention." I answered with slight annoyance.

He took a moment to take in our atypical duet before leaving an indignant yell as he pointed Barnes."This fucker scare me."

I finally released my strained shoulders knowing that it was as good as an acceptance on his part before giving a look at Barnes."You can relax. He will help us."

I could feel his dubious look on my profile, letting me shrug my shoulders knowing that he was far from being able to relax. Instead, he tightened his grip on his knife, narrowing his gaze to Jay as a threat.

The tall brown immediately glanced between our duo before swallowing. "Will he stay like that for a long time?"

"Don't pay attention to him. He had some rough ... "I said, pausing as I gave him another uncertain look. D_ays ? Month? Years? Decades?_"Month." I decided before giving Jay a look.

The latter rolled his eyes again in response before sticking to the wall as he walked along the wall as a crab to avoid meeting the soldier again. I shook my head in plain sight before following after him once he took the lead of our group.

Once in the living room, he immediately headed for his liquor cabinet before letting me look visibly unimpressed as he poured himself a more than deserved glass. I shook my head at the sight before arching an eyebrow, hiding my smile as he paused between his sip with his eyes on Barnes."You want a drink, man?"

I immediately looked at Barnes just to see him gauge Jay with disgust and obvious suspicion on his face.

I shook my head at his expression before turning to Jay again, giving a glance across his living room to fill the awkward silence."Nice house. A bit too boy-next door for my taste but-"

"Cut the bullshit, Dee!" Jay finally hissed in a new sense of fighting spirit. "Just tell me what's going on!"

And so that was what I did. I sat on one of the couches with Barnes still hovering over my side as I struggled to tell Jay the last few with the attack on my apartment before continuing on my wake up in the car next to Barnes. Jay gave a scathing look at the soldier in the realization but I hastened to go to the fact that I had agreed to help him.

_Well apart from my condition regarding what I should do later. _

I handed him the USB key despite Barnes' defensive posture in response and assured him that Jay was going to help us. I was even going to put my eyes on Jay to make sure he was on board. The latter merely nodded absent-mindedly, giving Barnes a bored look.

So, I continued with our initial plan until a heavy silence fell on us. I gave Jay time to take in all the information.

"You want to do _what!?_" Khallahan finally shouted as he gave Barnes and me a wide look. I rolled my eyes again to his dramatic reaction."Why in God's name would you want to help that fucker?"

"Can you please stop with the names?" I asked as I could feel Barnes tense a little more each time. Jay scoffed, falling back in his seat with an annoyed groan before casting a new suspicious look on Barnes.

"He tried to kill you!" Jay rapped, waving his hand between the brown and me. "Multiple times!" He added for the effect.

I did not need to look at Barnes to know he was probably losing patience with Jay. I decided to intervene before reproducing another incident. We couldn't do that without Khallahan's help. He was going to have to take his trouble patiently.

"It's just for a few hours. Time to get our papers, prepaid phones ... "I paused, giving a critical look at Barnes' appearance. "Maybe a shower and a haircut." I didn't know what he was looking at me before turning to Jay again. "And after that, I promise you that you will not have anything to do with us anymore."

"What's your problem with the old super soldier?" Jay grunted in frustration. "Has it become a kind of kinks now?"

I immediately hit my hand along my face in reaction before feeling Barnes move by my side. I gave him a look between my fingers before giving a sigh at the sight of his deep frown. I did not know his reaction before turning to Jay again.

"You're going to help us yes or not?" I faltered impatiently.

In response, Barnes immediately went to Jay, immediately letting me raise my hands in surrender at the same time as the officer to prevent him from doing the irreparable.

"Whoa, whoa, chill, dude! I will help you. I will do it !" A heavy silence passed between us as Barnes returned to his seat, letting Jay turn to me, pointing his finger at Barnes. "It must not be fun every day with him."

"Jay." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. He gave me an unamused look, taking another sip of his glass of whiskey before shaking his head in defeat.

"Fine." He sat back in his seat. "... I'm assuming your star-spangled man with a plan doesn't know about this little suicide mission?"

"No." I sighed. "And I'll take care of it later. So, it would be nice if you could avoid killing each other while I was away." Jay pressed his lips together as he cast a new look at Barnes. He definitely did not like the situation as a whole. Even less than Dee engaged in this kind of mission with this half-lobotomized guy.

Finally, he looked back at me with an arched eyebrow."What do you plan to do once outside the country?"

"Find the Hydra QJ. Kill the remaining agents." Barnes answered, speaking for the first time in a mortally dangerous and definitive tone.

A heavy silence followed his words, letting Jay gauge him with an incredulous look before slowly nodding his head as he turned his head towards me with sarcasm. " Charming." I narrowed my lips in a tight smile."Fine, you can use the guest room. I will make calls to get your papers."

"How long will it take?" Barnes asked again impatiently.

Jay immediately gave him a defiant look clearly weary of his position of weakness against the super soldier."The damn time it will take."

I shook my head at his impetuously arrogant air before getting up from the couch and turning to Barnes. I gave him a nod to the door that Jay had previously pointed before passing him, his audible steps behind me. I went first before heading immediately to the second door to a bathroom.

Barnes was still standing in the doorway as I glanced back over my shoulder, waving my hand toward the bathroom."You can go first. I'll ask Jay if he can buy us clothes. You could use the time to use the scissors. Give you a new face."

Barnes just nodded his head visibly bored and confused by the situation as a whole before going over to lock himself in the bathroom. I glanced at the now closed door before I waited for the water to flow before finally making my way out of the room. I was not long in falling on Jay currently sitting on his couch with his computer on his legs and his phone against his ear. He looked up at my approach before putting his correspondent on hold.

He immediately glanced over my shoulder probably looking for Barnes before giving me a critical look. "Are you seriously going to follow this guy?"

"It seems like it." I agreed with a shrug of my shoulders.

"I don't really understand you." He breathed in a long, confused sigh. "Are you really going to leave everything behind to get started on his little vendetta?"

I crossed my arms over my chest clearly disturbing by the way he had to point out the flaws in my logic before giving him an annoyed look."Listen, he needs me. You know like me what he went through. It's not a question of vendetta but more to remind him who he is."

"What can it do to yo-" He paused in realization before giving me an indignant groan. "Unless it's strictly has nothing to do with you but more with a certain child of heart Patriot." I narrowed my lips to his name for Steve before turning my eyes away."I don't know what you have planned but it could be for nothing. He will hate you when he learns the truth."

"Hence the reason I'm going to make sure he hates me well before." I reply determined, despite the slight creak in my tone.

A heavy silence accompanied my admission, letting Jay gauge me in the realization. He shook his head before pinching the bridge of his nose. He glanced at his screen at the agreement of a notification before strumming on his keyboard."Arlene will pass your passports to a guy she knows from New York. I have to pick them up within an hour. I would pick up the phones on the way home."

"Could you take some clothes too?" I asked in memory of why I had returned to the living room in the first place.

"And clothes." He sighed, leaning his head indulgently."It's not the craziest thing you asked me."

I wrinkled my lips in a real grateful smile this time before leaning over to put my hand on his shoulder. Jay looked up at me unexpectedly before supporting my eyes as I gave him a slight squeeze."Thank you. Really."

"Don't thank me." Grumbled the brown, hitting my hand with his shoulder before returning to his screen."I already hate myself enough to accept."

I just nodded in understanding before turning on my heels to the room. Just as I was entering again, the bathroom door opened. I immediately raised my eyes just to freeze, with my lips parted as I stared.

Here, Barnes was standing in the doorway, his broad shoulders taking up almost the entire width of the doorframe; he was shirtless and wearing his dirty jeans that were slung low on his narrow hips. Despite his sculpted, definite muscled physique, it was the metal limb that caught my attention.

The arm was shiny chrome, made up of strips of interlocking plates that travelled all the way up and over his shoulder, metal meeting flesh with a ridge of red scar tissue. The size and the shape of it mirrored the muscles on his flesh arm an there was a single, red star emblazoned on his metal bicep.

Where Steve was more muscular at the level of pecs and shoulders, Barnes was stockier and wider than the blond. Nevertheless, the view was also attractive.

"I need some help with my hair." Barnes told bluntly, still standing in the bathroom doorway, letting me know the pair of chisels in his metal hand.

I swallowed at his request before shaking my head in awareness. I chastised myself immediately in my head for my moment of distraction before following him in the bathroom. The towel he had been using lay squarely on the edge of the sink and I could see a razor stored on the side letting me take a fresh look at the brown to take in his new, much cleaner look. A flash of a photo of him in his army uniform pops up in my mind.

So as he settled on the lid of the closed toilets, I undertook to reproduce as best as I could the cut of his time.

I took the scissors he handed me over his shoulder before starting to collect his long brown locks in a low tail. He shuddered slightly at the touch, then seemed to force himself to stay still with great effort.

_I assumed he was not really used to standing still with someone hovering behind him with a pair of chisels in his hand._

For his comfort, I hastened to cut the tail with a clear and precise gesture before moving back slightly as I watched the strands fall on the tiled floor.  
Posing the scissors on the edge of the sink, I made sure to explain what I was doing while looking for the mower inside the counter under the sink. Showing him the mower to support my words, he raised his eyes to catch my gaze with a nod as a kind of permission. Barnes leaned slightly in agreement with the mower's engine before staying still as I began to work on his hair as best I could. I was not an expert in this area but I could say that I had more practice than anyone with boys in my units.

_It was always more pleasant to have a woman cut his hair than a friend who was quicker to fuck up for fun._

There was a long silence during which only the vibrations of the mower could be heard between us.

Passing carefully in his neck, I didn't know the sensation of his burning skin under my hand as I broke the tense silence again."Jay is going to get us some clothes after picking up our passports. Meanwhile, let's take a look at the SHIELD files."

There was a new silence letting me swallow before making a sudden pause as he spoke in a monotone voice."What did he mean about you and Steve?"

"Which parts? Jay said a lot of silly things." I replied in an attempt to changing the conversation.

However, I certainly did not expect to suddenly feel of his metal hand on my wrist. I stopped in my action by turning off the mower before gauging it with a wide look as he turned his head to gauge me carefully.

He stared intently into my face, a crease between his eyes, looking like he was thinking hard; there was a long silence and then he frowned slightly "You're in love with him."

I took a deep breath before trying to pull my wrist to free myself but he just tightened slightly in response. Not enough to hurt but enough to get my attention.

I turned my eyes from his metal hand to his eyes and frowned in frustration. "You know nothing." At the sight of my annoyance, he released me instantly allowing me to put the mower. "You're all done."

I hastily put the mower before quickly returning to the room to try to take a little distance. Unfortunately, the brown hastened to get up before taking his T-shirt. He put it on as he resurfaced in the room, letting me turn on my heels to face him. Just then, Jay chose this moment to make his entrance and we immediately turned our heads in his direction.

He took in our positions with a frown before stopping over Barnes with a broad look at his new appearance. "Damn. You're really him. You're the best friend of the patriot."

"Jay." I warned immediately as a warning.

The brown immediately turned to me in the realization before rolling his eyes."Fine, fine. I just wanted to inform you that I was going to pick up your passports." I nodded."That's all you want?"

I gave a look at Barnes as a question before turning to Jay with a jerk of my head in response. The latter shook his head before giving a last shocked look at Barnes as he closed the door behind him.

Again alone with the brown, I uncrossed my arms from my chest before signing the bathroom still behind him."I'll take my turn so..."

I did not wait for his answer as I hastened to overtake him before quickly closing the door behind me just as he turned to support my gaze.

Once in the safety of the bathroom, I released a deep sigh, leaning my head against the wooden surface. I made sure to clean Barnes' hair on the floor as best I could before finally remove my clothes in a deep sense of relief. I had not really been able to fully enjoy the showers of the seedy motels in which we had stopped.

I released a little gasp as I removed my bandage before reaching the button of my jeans. I wriggled out of the sticky fabric to my skin before letting it fall to my feet.

Once completely naked, I hurried to jump in the shower before turning on the valves. I shivered slightly in the cold stream before starting to rub the sweat and dust of the day in relief. I took the time to soap my body thoroughly before taking special attention at the level of my stitches. I checked the condition of my healing before moving to my hair.

I was not long in letting myself completely go under the stream of water. My tears completely imperceptible under the water. I could already feel that new weight settling on my shoulders as Barnes's questions had just served to remind me of what I was going to do.

_Before all that, it had been a simple plan in my mind and I was going to make it very real.  
_

_I was finally going to really do it. I was going to break up with Steve._

Soon enough, I had to bring my fist against my lips to stifle my sobs as I slid along the tiled wall before bringing my thighs closer to my chest as I squeezed my arms around in a ball-shaped shape. I barricaded myself from the outside world.

_I did not think it would destroy me so much from the inside, but the closer the hours came, the more I felt my barrier collapse. Tears was a clear indication. And this void missing along my limbs? It was already a real ordeal. I honestly didn't know how I was going to endure his absence after tonight._

Finally, I was running short of tears, letting myself become fully aware of the hot water turning back cold before trying to extinguish the jet from my sitting position. I did not move from my position as I took another extra moment to come to terms with what I was going to do.

It was only when the cold began to reach my still wet body that I straightened up. I acted more like a kind of automaton as I rolled a simple towel around me before stopping in front of the mirror covered with steam. I held my towel with one arm while I was using my free hand to wipe the condensation with my palm.

The sight of my puffy, red eyes immediately made me wince. I immediately shook my head, leaning on the edge of the sink before pausing to feel the metal on my skin. I lowered my eyes on the pair of chisels before casting a new glance on my reflection.

_I assumed it was just as good for me._

I took the scissors in the realization before taking the first lock of hair lying on my shoulder. I held my puffy gaze in the mirror before closing my eyelids as I gave the first chisel. And another, and yet another.

Soon enough, the sound of my falling hair and the sound of the chisel were the only audible sounds around me.

It was time to put the plan into action.


	55. It can't be the end

_"One day you're going to wake up and notice that you should've tried. He was worth the fight." Unknow._

* * *

_Thirty minutes.__  
_

_Thirty fucking minutes._

It was thirty fucking minutes that I was in front of the Avengers Tower. I could see the taxi driver regularly glancing at me through the rearview mirror as if to check my sanity. I kept giving him bills to extend my waiting time.  
Unfortunately, I knew that I could not continue like this. I was going to have to enter this building or just leave. But one way or another, I had to make my choice.

_Now._

Taking a deep breath, I reached the handle with a trembling hand. With a last grimace, I ended up opening my door to make my way outside.

To be honest, I had never seen a taxi speed up so fast in all my life. I had barely had time to turn around that he had already embarked on another path.

I shook my head with my eyes focused on the place I had been in for the last thirty minutes before turning my eyes to the tower. I swallowed hard as I could already feel a weight fall on my shoulders.

_That was it. It was the moment when I was going to destroy the little good that I had in my life and run away with an ex-Hydra assassin around the planet._

In retrospect, Robbie had planned it well before anyone else. She knew me and once again my actions did not take long to prove her point. I was a scared little bitch who fled as soon as she had the opportunity.

In my defense, I was trying to do something positive. I knew that using Steve as an excuse wasn't right. I did it once and now that I thought about it, it was all my doing. I wanted to go after Barnes when he shot me. I based my actions on the fact that I wanted to protect Steve and I came to realize that it was a big fat lie.

_But with Barnes it was different. This time it didn't concern me. It was only for him.__  
_

At this thought, I took a new inspiration before deciding. I took a step towards the tower before hastening to greet the receptionist Claire. I had already been accredited during my last passages, it was probably the only positive point of this whole plan. I ignored her surprised look at the sight of my new appearance and faintly adjusted my cap low to my head instead. I could feel my short curly hair strands tickling my neck again letting me realize my change.

The rendering was not so bad as I imagined it. It was basically a square coming up in the middle of my neck. The breakage of the locks and the loop had given a slight natural wavy look to the loops framing my face. I was not used to the sensation yet but I could already admit that it was definitely more convenient. I did not have to feel or even remove the locks in my face and my head definitely felt lighter.

_It was what I needed. Especially when my mind was anything but light._

In fact, my thoughts were spinning and swirling by the minute at the moment and I could already discern more than a dozen excuses to turn around and forget the last days as if nothing had ever happened.

I was trying to ignore my train of thought as I pressed the button to call the private elevator before crossing my arms on my chest in a tight grip. I could feel my limbs trembling in anticipation and nervousness. A slight weight squeezing my heart a bit as I was trying to find a reason for Steve to hate me once and for all.

Finally the doors slid open, effectively interrupting my train of thought. Unfortunately, I literally seemed unable to move. It was as if my feet were suddenly stuck to the ground. I stared at the wall in front of the elevator with a lost look asking me again what I was doing.

_I was really going to do it? I was really going-_

I did not really let myself the choice as I finally got inside before pressing fast and probably too hard on the button leading to Steve's floor.

_Yes, he owned a whole floor for himself. Stark's outrage had no limit._

The doors had barely closed and a sudden, smooth, robotic voice echoed around the elevator_**."Good evening, Miss. Dimarco. Captain Rogers is on his way home from his last mission. Should I inform him of your coming?"**_

I couldn't help but jump at the sudden voice of a robotic kind of butler before I felt my heart jump in my chest as I realized its question. I immediately shook my head before remembering that I was talking to a fucking AI.

"N-no ... it's a surprise." I sneered, wincing myself at my poor excuse. It was all but a surprise. A nightmare on the other hand ...

_**"You seem tense, Miss."**_ The program said again, letting me freeze with my eyes on the ceiling. There, I could see a light camera focusing on me, letting me quickly turn away my wide eyes.

I coughed my jaw in front clearly frustrated and emotional."I'm fine, JARVIS. "

**_"My apologies, Miss. Dimarco."_** It apologized, giving me a slight uncomfortable thrill. I was still not used to chatting with a program.

Nevertheless, it gave me a slight distraction during the journey time. _Dare I even say that it allowed me to relax a little._Thus, I was soon to make my way up Steve's floor with a deep sense of sadness along my chest. I stopped in front of his room with a ball down my throat before finally asking for access to JARVIS. The latter allowed me to enter with ease allowing me to take a break again as I took in my entourage.

It was exactly like the time I visited Steve. The same kitchen too well equipped for an old ninety and a few years, the huge glass windows overlooking the entire room and the overpriced furniture. Everything here breathed luxury and excess. With the exception of some personal touch.

A slight smile appeared on my lips as I noticed Steve's leather jacket on the back of one of the coffee table chairs.

Without really thinking, I headed towards the latter before picking up the jacket in my hands. I let my thumb trace the leather seam before surprising me with bringing the jacket for my face. I closed my eyelids as I took a deep breath of his familiar smell. A mixture of cologne and musk. That was enough to wake up the unstable pain along my chest. I had not done anything yet and yet I could already feel the tears threatening to flow behind my eyes.

I pulled the jacket off my face with my shaking hands before sitting on one of the chairs. I put his jacket in front of me trying to record his scent in my mind.

In spite of all my goodwill, I was not long in feeling a single tear run down my cheek as I took in the room again. A simple photo frame rested on one of the shelves of his own small library. It was a row of photos taken in a photo booth. I still remembered Steve's head when I caught him, kissing him rather languidly in one of the photos.

The simple sight brought a sad smile on my lips as I realized fully what I was about to do.

I let a slight sniff as I quickly wiped the wet trace along my cheek before leaving a deep sigh as I pulled off my cap, oppressed. I put it on the table before letting myself fall against the back of my chair.

_I could definitely use Jay's liquor at this point. Just to make the task easier._

Unfortunately, I knew it was something I had to do in any state of consciousness. If only to remind me that it was my choice. It was what I wanted.

_So, I wouldn't have the right to complain if I'm miserable._

Deciding to start with my resolution, I was trying to distract myself with Barnes' thought. I did not really know how he was going back to Jay. I had left him in the company of the brown but I could already imagine a tidal wave on my return. I knew that Jay had promised me to behave and to go through the files and the technicalities of the plan with Barnes but I still had a slight reluctance to leave them both. Barnes could be unstable and I knew Jay well enough to know that he tended to play with people's buttons.

After our discovery of the SHIELD files on Hydra agents, we discovered that most were based in Eastern Europe. So, Jay was quick to order us two plane tickets at a small private airport. Arlene really helped a lot. She had made sure that we did not have to go through a tumultuous process of boarding. It was a non-return trip, paid in cash and no questions asked.

Admittedly, it was not the safest source of travel, but it was enough for Barnes and me. We had already planned to reside in small motels leaving me already grinning at the thought of the long nuisance without sleep waiting for me. One thing was sure, it was not going to be a vacation.

Unfortunately, my thoughts were soon to be almost immediately wiped by the sudden agreement of the usual beep resonating behind the door. I jumped out of my chair with a guilty look in spite of myself before just feeling my breath cut as Steve entered. He turned on the lights, letting me realize I had been in the dark for the last few minutes.

He put his shield against the wall clearly still unaware of my presence. He wore his Captain suit, letting me take in the seams and colors of blue, red and white. He also had an exhausted expression and a light layer of sweat and dust along his eyebrow.

_It made me even more guilty and sorry for what I was going to do._

Finally, he raised his head before suddenly posing his azure eyes on me. The simple visual contact was enough to send me an agony discharge along my chest. Even worse, a big, excited smile appeared on his rosy lips at my sight.

"Dan?" He exclaimed in surprise, shock and over the excitement as he rushed at me in eagerness."What ... what are you doing here? You didn't tell me-"He immediately took a hold of my face between his long powerful hands before rocking my face with the most adorable and breakthrough glare of unimaginable depth."Oh my ... I missed you. So much."

I did not even have time to say anything that he immediately connected our lips in a feverish kiss and plaintiff. I tried to hold back my tears as I tried to memorize every detail, every feeling accompanying his kiss. The way he held me, as if I was the most precious thing in his eyes, made me almost ashamed, sick. Just like the path he tried once again to get an answer. He pressed his lips a little more against mine in the realization.

However, I hastened to pull my lips away from his, causing the blond to frown as he lowered his head toward me in an attempt to make eye contact."Dan?"

"I can't." I gasped, shaking my head as I could feel the emotions flowing behind my eyes. I took a step back by keeping my fist against Steve's chest to keep him at bay."I-I can't do this anymore."

"Wh-what?" He stammered visibly confused and somewhat alert as he took my fist in his hands."What's it supposed to mean?" I remained silent as I lifted my head to support his confused and somewhat broad look as he took a breath in realization."What's going on, Dan?"

I pulled my hand out of his touch threatening to break my determination before swallowing to try to clear the ball of emotion preventing me from speaking."I'm sorry."

"Sorry? Sorry for what?" He asked softly, carefully as afraid of the answer.

I began to sniff as I could feel the tears again threatening to sink before taking another step back to avoid his touch. "We don't work, Steve." I took a deep breath before lowering my tone."It's had to end."

"Are you ... are you breaking up with me?" Gasped Steve in realization, a deep frown on his face and the saddest and confused expression I had seen. He seemed genuinely broken right now.

I literally had to look away and finally find the courage to say those two little words breaking the whole of our relationship."It's we're-we're over."

_The only thing that finally seemed to make me happy and I had just broken it with two simple words.  
_

Steve let out a gasping breath clearly overwhelmed by the situation before shaking his head as he ran his hand over his forehead. He put his other hand on his hip clearly stunned by the situation before turning to me, moistening his lips in panic. "It can't ... it can't be the end. I mean ... "

I was just frozen as I was shaking my head again in a fight internally. I wanted nothing more than to jump on him and beg him to forget what I had just said. To simply put that on the distance and the lack that I felt. Only that could not happen like that. It was the end between us and there was absolutely nothing I could do to defuse the bomb ready to explode in our face.

_No turning back possible._

"Is that something I did?" Steve started again, signing his chest in guilt."Is it because I moved? Because ... because I can-"He paused at the sight of my resolute expression letting me into a sick feeling at the agreement of the cracked in his voice." I don't understand. You love me."

Again, I remained totally silent clearly unable to deny it. Of course, I loved him. I loved him more than anything in the world. I had never loved someone as hard as I loved him right now. Part of me sincerely hoped that he could forgive me one day but for the moment it was necessary.

At my lack of response, Steve stepped toward me, raising his hands as if to touch me before pausing.

"You love me." Once again, I remained silent, leaving Steve speechless. He gauged me visibly breaking."Do you love me?" I swallowed again clearly unable to contradict him. Only this only made him more confused and frustrated."Do you love me? It's a simple question, Dan."

_Everything inside was screaming at me to tell him what it's really going on, but I couldn't find the words._ _And I just could not tell him that I did not love him anymore._

Creasing my lips, I raised my eyes again to meet his eyes in distress. "It's not a simple answer."

"Of course, it is!" He suddenly exploded. He became angry and frustrated with the situation. That was what I wanted. Anger was always better than sadness. At least he could hate me."All you have to say is that you fucking love me!"

I shook my head and clenched my fists by my side to try to control my tears before finally finding the strength to move again.  
'Don't ... don't you dare to walk away from me." I was trying to make my way to the exit only Steve hastened to hold me by the arm. I swung quickly on my heels, pushing dryly his touch. It seemed enough to break his angry bubble. He left a trembling breath, almost beseeching."Stay ... please ... just… don't go."

Finally, it was the last straw in my determination. I felt tears running down my cheeks, leaving Steve look at my distress. His heart sank and broke into pieces right before my eyes.

"Listen to you." I exploded, deciding to change tactics since his anger, frustration and other emotions were easier to handle than this expression of utter helplessness. "I'm not the good person for you. I'm toxic." At this point, I was on a roll as I waved my hands between him and me in eagerness."You deserve someone better. Someone who will know what he really wants. Someone who wants -"

"But I don't want anyone else!" He snapped out as he stepped toward me, lightly tapping his chest into irritation."You're the one I love. I don't want anyone else but you, Dan. I love you and you love me."

I remained literally speechless, clearly overwhelmed by the situation and by his determination. I could feel my resolve breaking a little more as I stayed in his company. I knew full well that if I didn't finish things in the minutes that followed ...

_I had to put an end to all that. I couldn't stay one more minute in his presence. I was not sure that my heart could take more._

"Well, that's the problem." I finally said in a trembling and detached voice. I took a deep breath as I mentally prepared me for what I was going to say."I don't love you anymore."

I stayed an extra moment as I saw his expression crumbling totally as his shoulders fell into defeat and misery. His lips parted visibly in shock and in a loss of word again letting me feel my heart tear in my chest. I was not holding back at this point as I could fully experience my tears flowing one after the other along my face. I could feel the salty taste on my trembling lips letting me take a strangled breath before turning my back on him with the intention of making my exit.

Only his voice apathetic and visibly hurt stopped me again in my footsteps."You're a coward." I immediately gave him a shocked and insulted look over my shoulder as he had just called on my fears." I don't believe you. You're scared. You love me. I know you love me."

I held his gaze full of resentment, his heart shattered as he took in my face with his fists clenched at his side as if it was the only way to keep him from falling under the weight of agony. I remained a frozen moment clearly about to crack before feeling the vibration in the pocket of my jeans. It was all that was needed to get me out of my moment of weakness.

_It was too late to regret now. I couldn't go back._

Ignoring the imploring look of the blonde, I turned my heels towards the door.

"If you walk through that door ... we're done." Steve exploded again in a cold, unforgivable voice. I stopped immediately with my hand on the handle as I could feel the rest of my heart breaking in realization. "You hear me? We're done, Dan."

_It was the moment. This is it._

I glanced over my shoulder just to see him take a deep, trembling breath with his hands on his hips. He narrowed his lips, turning his eyes away from a hypnotizing blue. I could see the jump of the muscle of his jaw as I took one last time in his appearance.

"Have a good life, Steven." I still managed to say as I turned the handle before opening it in a hurry clearly unable to hold me back any longer.

I slammed the door behind me, letting myself jump in shock and surprise before making a sudden pause as I raised my eyes just to meet Natasha's familiar gaze. The latter gave a look at my tear-stained face before giving a look at the closed door. I didn't need to ask to know that she had probably heard everything.

I let a sob escape me at the sight of her judgment look. Once again, she seemed to have this expression as if she already knew all my intentions allowing me to compose my expression as best as I could despite the unbearable pain. I sniffed using the sleeve of my sweater to wipe my cheeks before swallowing as I gave her a cold look. I held her gaze for a moment before shaking my head as I hurried around her to reach the elevator. I pressed the button several times in anger and agony before raising my eyes to the floors scrolling on the panel.

All this time, I could feel Natasha's eyes fully scanning each of my movements with intensity.

"You broke his heart."

It was her only statement as the doors of metal opened before me. I paused before going inside before tilting my head to one side in a barely audible whisper for the redhead. "I know. "

Once in the elevator, I could finally feel the weight of everything that had just happened hit me hard. I seemed barely able to fully understand the situation as a whole as I was suddenly numb from head to foot. As if I had just found myself in a wave silencing the whole world around me. Even breathing seemed to become impossible at this point as I dropped back against the elevator wall in too much emotion.

Conversely, Steve was totally and undeniably annihilated. His mind was running a thousand miles per minute at the sensation of his heart breaking a little more in his chest. It was as if he could barely breathe, as he could feel all of his limbs becoming heavy in exhaustion and agony.

His knees started to give out. He had barely time to catch up on the coffee table before sitting down slowly on one of the chairs. A flood of tears flowed from behind his eyes as he could feel his throat tightening into a ball of emotions. His conversation with Dan replayed in his head until he could feel a scream threatening to explode from his chest.

_He couldn't breathe. He needed to breathe, he needed-_

He finally released his cry of rage and desperation by hitting the first thing on his way before falling back to the ground in a flood of untenable emotion.

Just at that moment, his brain seemed to finally record the outcome of this discussion.

_Dan was gone and he was alone again with a broken heart._


	56. Three months later

_"Do not confuse my bad days as a sign of weakness. Those are actually the days I am fighting my hardest." Unknow_

* * *

**A fist of metal?** Dodge and quick. **A kick ? **Step back and retaliate. **Don't be fooled by the effect of surprise.**It will be unforgivable if you let yourself be hit.

I used the wall to propel myself before swinging my knee in his chest. Barnes quickly resumed his walk before he swiped his foot out across the floor, knocking me off my feet so I landed with a thud and a groan on the cement of the factory in which we currently resided.I could feel a flood of shivering covering my body with the thermal shock of my skin warming up by our sparring session and the icy floor of the factory.

However, I did not really have time to suffer too much shock as Barnes took the opportunity to jump on me. I barely had time to block his attack by deflecting the sharp blade of his knife at my throat. Instead, I wrapped my legs around his middle before using my weight to tilt him.

Now it was not a task as easy as it seemed since that he weighed a good twenty more than me but I still managed to exchange our places. I was now standing on him with my hands holding his wrists firmly in an iron grip to prevent him from attacking me again with his knife.

I could feel the adrenaline mix with panic as I stared straight across the knife threatening to get closer to my eye a little more every second. Knowing that I could not win this duel by force, I was eager to change tactics. I released my grip slightly with my right hand before swinging my elbow in my face. His groan echoed around us but he didn't let go. I recommenced the action. Once, twice before feeling his grip loosen.

I took advantage immediately to catch the knife of his hand before changing the tables as I brought the blade against his throat forcing him to become motionless. I was out of breath as I plunged my deep and icy brown orbs under the effect of adrenaline before taking in his expression seeming transfixed on my face. He swallowed at the feeling of the blade threatening to tear the skin thin at the slightest breath.

Finally, a slight smirk appeared on our two serious faces letting me remove the blade as I straightened my hand in his direction to help him up.

"You're not fast enough." Pointed out Barnes who seemed never satisfied, letting me roll my eyes as I made my way to the metal table, now filled with a weapon of all kinds and a simple laptop.

I put the knife with the others before ignoring the feeling of cold infiltrating my bones. I rubbed the sweat of my forehead with the back of my hand before giving him a single look over my shoulder. I took a moment in his imposing physique before swallowing as I put my eyes on my hands. A grimace was soon to regain possession of my expression at the sight of cracked skin and frostbite adorning my fingers.

_One thing was certain, Russia and all the other Eastern countries didn't forgive when it came to cold weather._

We had crossed more than a dozen countries in the last three months and one thing I could definitely say at this point was that killing did not get any easier. Despite the fact that our targets were dirty rotten, that did not prevent the fact that it was still so hard. Especially when we discovered that they had retired with their family.

Unfortunately, Barnes seemed unforgivable. He had not once experienced a thrill of remorse, letting me worry a little more about his healing.

Nevertheless, I stayed with him all this time. My knowledge of the language had been a great help to mix in the population and until now we had never had big problems to go unnoticed. We stayed away from the radar, Barnes was a little more suited to the world around him and found to be a good company.

He didn't speak much, but I didn't speak either. Especially during the first month. I had been a simple automaton just following him while I tried to overcome my sentence of my break up with Steve.

_It wasn't always that._

_In truth, I was missing every moment. There was not a moment when I did not wonder how he was going, whether he hated me or even if he had begun to move on without me. Each time, I ended up remembering that I did not have the right to ask myself such questions. I was the one who broke up with him._

And again, the months were hard without him. Not only because I missed him but because distance allowed me to fully realize the importance, he had for me. How unjustified my fears have been from the beginning and how much I would give everything to get back my words. How much I would give to revisit that sheepish smile on his rosy lips. And every time this kind of thought crossed my mind, I ended up drowning my sorrows in a beer mug and so much more. It turned out that Barnes had the same particularity as Steve about alcohol but it did not prevent him from following me in my drink's parties. On the contrary, he seemed to appreciate these moments of normalities. Even if I finished more times than I could count fainting on the counter. And each time, I ended up waking up in my bed with a glass of water on my bedside table while Barnes was busy again to avoid sleep.

As the rest of the months went by, things became a little easier. Barnes and I were only busy tracing the Hydra agents and reducing the list a little more each time. At this point, I did not even count the number of men I had killed. It was just as disturbing as it was soothing simply because each time Barnes seemed to become a little more like the man he once had been.

_He was actually an excellent field teammate. I didn't even count the number of times he had my back. Without him, I would probably be dead or worse, captive._

That was why he had suggested or rather ordered me to start training with him. At first it was hard and bloody. I was almost certain to have become impervious to pain at this stage. My bones had at least once been broken and my skin now had more scar than it was considered acceptable for a woman.

All in all, no training of the army had prepared me for Barnes. He was a real machine without mercy. At first, he was often carried away and I had paid the price. But it was also the motivation I had need to harden myself.

Plus, he seemed to really enjoy these lessons. Not only could he vent a little of his frustrations about his process too slow for his taste to find his past, he also seemed to enjoy giving me new tactics. One thing told me it was not the first time he did that. Not as the soldier but as James Barnes.

_I knew for sure that he had helped Steve train in a boxing gym when he wanted to join the army._

Not that I communicated this information with the brown. As I said before, Steve remained a sensitive subject. He didn't want to rely on him. Mainly because he could not really remember him and this caused him a great inner conflict. He knew he knew him; they were friends but he could not remember. I could definitely sympathize with him.

Another thing he seemed to appreciate about these fighting lessons was the necessary contacts. Although he did not seem to really appreciate the contacts in normal times, he seemed more touchy and needy during these sessions. I assumed it had something to do with the fact that he had been deprived of it all that time.

Now he was free and he was learning the ropes again to have his own opinion, a will and a freedom of action.

Apart from our duo, we didn't really have contact with the outside world. There were times when we received an email from Jay via a fake address (courtesy of Arlene) but that was about it. And surprisingly enough, it was enough for us. Our duo worked better like had even started asking me some questions about Steve, but it was still a sensitive topic for him.

_I remembered one night when he told me that he would never be the man he once was. But that he felt himself becoming a better person thanks to my presence at his side.  
_

I had been somewhat touched by his admission. But it was before falling back into an own self-pitying well. Because Barnes' recovery meant a possible meeting with Steve and Steve's simple thought was enough to wake up the pain in my chest.

There were nights where I wanted nothing more than to just give up and go home. Russia was not really welcoming to be honest. It had been cold and lonely. But as more time passed, the damage I had done felt unpardonable. I had destroyed the only good thing in my life because of some stupid quests to bring back his best friend.

_The only thing that was probably the most painful for me was the fact that I didn't even know if he had tried to search me after I left. Did he try to find me? Did he even care about me?_

Still, I probably did not have the right to ask for that kind of thing from him. I was the only one who ran away, but I couldn't stop these egoistic thoughts from popping up in my mind again and again.

"You okay?" Barnes asked as he joined my side with a side look at my thoughtful profile.

It was another thing that I had the opportunity to notice with my time with him. The more months went by, the more he seemed to develop a kind of double personality. For a moment he was going to be that rough and ruthless soldier and the next moment he was going to be that man, the one he couldn't remember but was making an effort through the pain to try to remember him. And surprisingly, I was surprised to keep as well with the soldier as with the man, Bucky. My ability to understand Russian had made things a little strange since we sometimes changed language in the middle of a conversation. This was how I knew when and who he was.

_Nevertheless, I strove to change quickly in English each time he regressed. Just to remind him that he was no longer that asset, this machine. He was human again and he deserved to remember it._

Obviously not everything was as easy as I let it appear. If I had my own demons to fight, Barnes had double. He was still plagued by the consequences of Hydra treatment. The suppressors of moods being out of the picture, he struggled again with the daily scourge of us mere mortals. _The emotions._

Moreover, he was still in the grip of his nightmares, all more violent than the others. I knew it was the means by which he had recovered some parts of his past but it was still scary and damn hard to hear him screaming at the top of his lungs in the middle of the night.

Sometimes I found myself walking in his direction before waking him with a glass of water like the first time and then I just started the alarm he had installed in the factory for every type of threat. It was not its first goal, but it was effective enough to get him out of his own mined mind. The first time had certainly been a close call. He had immediately unsheathed a gun that he had hidden under in his pillow before realizing that I had been the only one to activate the alarm.

_Damn, I had been watched all day after that._

This was how I had managed to establish a sort of mood scale with Barnes. There were good and bad days. Good days, he was a little more talkative, not really like Jay talkative but he was trying and it was already a big step. The bad days now ... they were probably the moments when I really realized what I was embarking on. He usually woke up to commit carnage on most of the furniture. I did not even count the close calls of dead that I had had to cross since our departure from the States. And I did not even talk about the day following these nightmares.

Generally, he would eventually sulk in a corner with his eyes intensely trained on my back. He followed each of my movements as if the mere act of watching me kept him from going into soldier mode. He was always on the edge and seemed capable of everything at that moment. So, I always made sure to stay away. I knew he didn't want me around in those moments. Surprisingly, if he did not feel remorse or even guilty about the men we killed in his vendetta, he seemed strangely more sensitive to me, as if I had awakened his protective instincts. And if I sometimes hated his prehistoric way of managing things with me, I tried not to annoy him too much.

_Just to stay alive. The soldier was not really conciliatory._

Obviously, Barnes had a real internal conflict. On one hand, he wanted to find his memories, his past as well as to discover who he really was but on the other, he always seemed to take turns on the soldier.

In response, I could feel myself slipping on a much darker side of my personality. The killings and the moody mood of Barnes had brought me back to a part of my past. As if Steve had never arrived. And I could easily feel my thoughts getting bleaker, darker. The breakup didn't help in this department.

Taking a semi-automatic to distract me, I began to dismount it with an expert hand while responding, distracted." I'm fine. Just a bit sore."

There was a new silence between us as I made sure to inspect every cog in my hands before quickly pulling it up in front of Barnes. For some reason, the brown seemed to be hovering at my side as if he wanted to say something but he couldn't find the words.

Finally, I rested the complete weapon again on the table before turning to brown at the agreement of the scraping of his throat."Do you want to go to the bar tonight?"

I paused with my eyebrows raised since it was the first time he took an initiative, usually I was the only one to propose to do an activity. I wrinkled my lips in a thoughtful pout before finally nodding my head. In response, I almost thought I saw a small smile curl his lips. That was enough to make me shake my head in a sense of pride.

_It was a progress._

* * *

Turning my mug of beer between my fingers, I kept my head hidden under my hood as I flew over the entire bar on my guard. Barnes was currently at the bar collecting his drink, and I was in one of the tables in the farthest corner. The little lighting gave me enough cover to relax a little. But not enough to relax completely.

I gave a new scan of the area clearly on the alert for the last few months before curling a smile as Barnes joined my side. He settled in the chair at my side with a small crack under his weight before scanning in turn the area. I took a moment to observe him. He wore his cap low on his face and a light, dark beard had redoubled his jaw. He had kept his hair cut, asking me to remake his cut every few weeks, he said, it made him more efficient and made him feel more like the man he once was.

_I didn't find any reason to say no._

And to be honest, I thought it suited him better. We stood for a moment in silence as I took another sip of my beer before turning to Barnes as he turned to me."Can I ask you a question ?"

His tone was neutral and devoid of the curiosity usually transcribed in such a request. But it was a fact that I had come to get used to.  
I took a moment to think before just shrugging my shoulders as I realized that it could not hurt.

"Why did you agree to come with me?" He kept his eyes on his glass instead of looking at me."When you left me with Jay Khallahan's, I didn't think you'd come back."

"Seriously?" I exclaimed in an incredulous scoff before supporting his gaze."Even after taking plane tickets and planning all that, you think I was going to bail on you?"

He shrugged as he gauged me."Why didn't you?" He was sincerely interested.

I shrugged slightly, not entirely sure if I had to tell him the real reason. "You seemed to be in dire need of my help." I said, giving him a mock glare before giving him a smirk."And let's be honest, you definitely needed me. Who would save your ass otherwise."

One corners of his mouth twitched ever so slightly as he thinks, like the ghost of a smile."Pretty sure I'm the one who saves ... you're ass." He pointed out to me, seeming to have less difficulty swearing than Steve.

"Details. It's just details, my friend." I seemed to be slipping back into the person I was before breaking up with Steve. Only I was not slow to freeze again at the agreement of the breath of laughter of Barnes.

Unfortunately, he almost seemed to lose it immediately as a slight crease appeared between his eyebrows. He narrowed his lips and arched an expectant eyebrow. He took his drink in response before taking a longer sip than necessary.

Realizing easily that the soldier had regained control, I gave him a look of sympathy."It's _him _again."

Barnes lowered his eyes, gauging me under the bile of his cap before putting his frown on his glass." I stop to be the other man such a long time ago… I can't remember who I was."

Acting on instinct, I reached out and lightly squeezed his on the table. To my surprised, he turned his hand and briefly squeezed my fingers back, like he was grateful for all I ever done for him until now. He released my hand scant seconds later and returned to his own world, but not before casting me a quick, inscrutable look.

* * *

_Guys, _

_Thank again for your follow and reviews. They're my motivation. Really. _

_I know this story has taken a turn for the worse but it's a new bow to bring the next movies ... I don't know yet if I'll go beyond Civil War for now. The question is still pending ...  
On the other hand, I would like to know if you ever wanted to see Dan in the second Avenger's: The Age of Ultron. I don't know yet how I could bring her but I have my idea ... Tell me what you think ? _

_Also don't worry, I'm preparing a special chapter Steve soon, to know how he evolves in turn without Dan._


	57. Perfectly flawed mess

_"She's clarity and confusion. Never enough. Always too much. A simple complicated perfectly flawed mess." Perry poetry._

* * *

The darkness of the room we were in was enough to wake up all my senses as a warning. Barnes did not really care about that kind of thing. In reality, he seemed to be striving more in the dark, as if it were his favorite playfield. And after reading the many SHIELD files, I knew that was probably the case.

I held a shiver at the agreement of drops of water dripping of stalactites ricocheting on the floor of the scary basement. It was worthy of a horror movie. I did not even mention the huge cage in the middle of the room. There was a kind of laboratory equipment running along the walls. Medical chairs worthy of a haunted psychiatric hospital and torture tools reminiscent of the good old days of the Middle Ages._(Big sarcasm here)_

I took a break sweeping the room with my only flashlight before reminding me of the brown accompanying me. It was not really on the list but after mentioning some of my readings, Barnes seemed struck by an old memory of his time in captivity.

_And since we had almost finished our list of agents, I thought that might be a new trigger for him._

I had worked nights all night to find one of the hideouts containing the passage of the Soviets. Only certain bases had been listed and even then, I had tried to prepare myself as best as possible to prepare our excursion. It turned out that the Winter Soldier project still appeared in some bases. It was disturbing enough to be honest but Barnes told me not to worry about this type of concern. Only one base was worthy of a semblance of anxiety and it was thousands of miles away in Siberia.

_If I had not been more focused on his sudden memory, I might have asked more questions._

I readjusted my ski beanie on my head as I focused my attention again on the piece of torture surrounding me. I had already seen more than I needed of the conditions of Barnes captivity. The shower room looks more like a gas chamber, a simple cement bench as a bed and this cage right in front of my eyes. It took almost the entire room, well in the center with walls of glass stained with blood residue still present through the years. There was a huge circle of glass bursting on one of the windows. The double glazing seemed to take the majority of the impact but I could already imagine the reason for the impact. It was the very proof that Barnes had once been detained in this laboratory cage.

I winced at the sight before I jumped in spite of myself at the sudden stealth approach of Barnes. He paused at the sight of my reaction before raising a simple silent eyebrow.

"What? I hate this place. It's creepy." I let my annoyance seep into my tone before scanning the cage again. "Better, I hate this cage."

"They made me fight in this cage. And they looked at me." Barnes informed me, giving me a side look."I still remember the cries of my victims."

I swallowed at his dark, gloomy look before straightening my shoulders giving him a nervous look. "Okay, that was something I could have lived without."

I could see a faint frown slightly replacing his sinister look, just letting me shake my head. He was exactly like Steve in some departments.

I walked a little further into the room ignoring the knots in my stomach again as I encountered more torture tools. Each of them seemed a clear indicator of Barnes's presence at a given moment in time. The dents in the wall, a large canister that looked similar to the machine Howard Stark had put Steve in to pump him full of the soldier serum.

At least that was what stopped me in front of a new armored door. I was frowning since I could not really remember its existence on the blueprints I'd managed to get through Arlene's hacking.

Trying my luck, I closed my hand around the metal handle embedded in the ice before trying to open it. Unsurprisingly, it seemed too melted by the ice to even move an inch.

A fact that Barnes seemed to quickly realize how soon he stopped behind me before I got the worst jitters of my life."It's locked. "

I left a little yelp in spite of myself as he had just whispered against my ear before giving him a scathing look over my shoulder. "It was really necessary?"

To my surprise, a slight tremor along his upper lip betrayed his amusement. I narrowed my eyes at his slightly bearded face before shaking my head taking a step back.

"Just do your thing." I sighed, signing the handle in impatience.

However, the brown didn't move an inch as he stared at the door as if he was afraid to enter. I immediately raised my eyebrows in recognition. He had this same expression every time he seemed to recover a memory of his past.

I waited a moment with my breath as he crossed this new memory before finally turning to me with a blank look."I know what's behind it."

"Good ..." I paused to catch my breath before pretending to sign the lab behind us again. "I guess we don't have to go into this the-"

He grabbed my wrist with his flesh hand, letting me pause with my eyes fixed on him over my shoulder. He said nothing as he pulled me to his side again before grabbing the metal handle with his own chrome hand. The sound of the broken handle echoed between us before he pushed the armored door as if it weighed nothing.

"Barnes-"

"Enter." He interrupted me again in a tone that didn't give way to the objection. A fresh look at his face was enough to make me realize that he was once again going to the soldier's side.

Knowing that I did not really have the choice at this point, I took the lead of our little duet. I passed the door with the feeling of my heart pounding in my chest as I held my breath in preparation for what was waiting for me. If it was enough to bring him back to his worst side then I was already imagining the worst.

_And not surprisingly, it was even more than I had imagined.  
_

It turned out that the door led on a kind of bridge surrounding the whole room. It gave a perfect bird's-eye view of a sort of laboratory just below us. I gave Barnes a careful new look over my shoulder just to realize he was not moving from his place. He just could not get in. I wrinkled my lips in this new realization before advancing slowly, somewhat uncertain towards the rail to inspect more what could have held him.

However, I was quick to understand at the sight of the huge iron chair lying in the middle of the laboratory. There was a kind of huge machine encircling the chair and two kinds of metal arms located at the level of the headrest. I could already feel a nauseous feeling infiltrated my stomach as I immediately brought my hand to my lips in realization. My imaginative mind could already imagine Barnes' grunts and desperate cries for Steve as they wiped his memories.

_Now I understood why he seemed unable to return._

And it seemed that I was not even at the end of my surprises as it was enough for me to turn my eyes just to freeze again at the sight of a huge machine more like a jar for human. I swallowed at the nausea before leaning on the rail as I realized it was the place where they had to cryofreeze him.

No longer able to take any more into the torture room, I quickly turned on my heels before making a sudden pause as I suddenly grabbed Barnes' almost gray-blue eyes. The latter seemed to scan my face carefully with a blank mask on his face.

Moistening my cold-cracked lips, I tried to remember how to make my legs work. It was a reaction that the brown often seemed to make me suffer. It was as if it was enough for me to look into hers to forget the simplest of the motor functions of my body.

Finally, I let a simple breath leave my lips, leaving a small cloud of smoke before I remember walking. I was soon beyond the brown ignoring his intense gaze focused solely on my profile.

"Let's get the hell out of here." Was my only sign of recognition for the brown.

* * *

This time, I was the only one to wake up in a cold sweat. My panting breath and my mind still petrified by the atrocities that my brain had imagined from our earlier discoveries.

Barely taking into the small motel room plunged into total darkness except for the rays of the moon infiltrating the room, I let myself fall heavily against the hard and uncomfortable mattress of my little single bed. It had been a while since I had been pestered by a nightmare. In the first few months, I had the annoying habit of dreaming again and again of Steve's hurt expression after leaving him. But it was definitely something else.

Barnes's screams were still ringing in my head as I thought back to the dream I had just experienced.

At the mere thought of the brown I suddenly realized that during my little inspection, I didn't see the familiar hump under the second bed blanket. I straightened up in a jolt before nervously scanning the room.

Only, I was not slow to pause at the sight of a frame lying on the ground, shards of glass surrounding it. Realizing easily what had to happen, I resumed my search for Barnes with more determination. I removed the blankets from my bare legs before stopping at the sight of the light lying slightly from the half-open bathroom door. It was a tiny ray but enough to tell me where my traveling companion was.  
Preparing for the worst, I took a deep breath before heading to the bathroom with a slow, cautious step.

I avoided the shards of glasses with attention since I was barefoot before finally stopping in front of the door. I already knew he would not answer me if I called him so I just pushed the door lightly before putting my head in the opening. The sound of the shower was the first thing to call me but I was not long in leaving a simple gasp between my lips at the sight of Barnes lying in the bathtub still fully dressed and with his knees pressed against his chest. He hardly looked like a Hydra assassin at the moment but more like a poor shell of himself.

"Oh my-"

I rushed on the brown to turn off the water immediately before grinning as I realized he did not even turn the hot water valve. I immediately gave him a critical look just to see him completely impervious to my presence. It was as if I didn't exist as he continued to shoot the tiled wall of the bathroom with all the hatred and disgust, he could handle.

I had attended enough of his after nightmares to know he wouldn't listen to me. He just seemed unable to record my words right with a slight grimace on the other side of the bath still wet, I grabbed the edge before stepping carefully. I did not know the water infiltrating my shorts as I sat in the tub in front of him before letting my legs spread on either side of the brown.

The sight of my face now occupying the place he seemed desperately trying to kill with his eyes alone suddenly seemed to make him aware of my presence. The mere flicker of his eyes was the only reaction he gave me before he scanned our positions quickly. He soon frowned visibly confused before turning his eyes to me.

"Another nightmare?" I asked knowingly. I tried to ignore the slight thrill on my arms at the sensation of the iced water soaking my shorts completely at this point.

After a long time, he nodded, a single, slow jerk of his head without looking at me.

"A memory of the past or the soldier?" I asked with slight caution in my choice of words. I knew he could be unpredictable after a nightmare. Nevertheless, after seeing with my own eyes what Hydra had done for him, I was definitely quicker to get involved.

He hesitated, then I could make a faint head shake as he resumed in an eerily blank voice."I ... I dreamt that Hydra found us. I dreamed that they wiped me and they were trying to do the same with you."

I refrained from pointing out the surprise since I had never really imagined that he was bringing so much importance to me. It was just a partnership between us. He seemed barely able to bond with anything when I met him. And again, my mind could not help but remember that it was another step forward.

_So if he wanted to rest on me, I was ready to lend him a helping shoulder. Perhaps it was time to focus more on his memories than revenge._

"It was just a dream, Barnes." I said before ignoring his dubious look as I continued. "We're the ones who are going after Hydra."

He shook his head, holding my eyes as he asked."What will happen once we kill them all?" I raised my eyebrows at the sudden emotion running through his face."Are you going back to see ... Steve?"

I was taking a break visibly taken aback before swallowing despite myself at the mention of Steve. I turned away my eyes as I could feel that stifling pain again along my chest before freezing again as a hand of flesh suddenly wrapped around my ankle. I immediately looked at Barnes in surprise before looking at his hand in confusion and uncertainty as his thumb began to trace invisible shapes along my smooth skin.

I remained a moment mesmerized by the forms and the sensation of his skin against mine before flashing my eyes again on his face. Brown didn't seem to have once detached his eyes from my face since he had asked that question about Steve.

Clearly overwhelmed by the situation, I swallowed as I decided to deviate the subject as a whole. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No." He said immediately, without an ounce of doubt taking me off again."In fact, I think that I need you to stay." He changed his eyes from my face to his hand tracing shapes on my ankle as he continued, sounding almost broken. "I'm better with you. You keep me calm, grounded ... you make me feel human."

I held my breath clearly overwhelmed by his confession before thinking for the first time to the man before me other than as a goal to complete. He was not just a broken man that I had helped, he was a man, a real man and he did not really need to be repaired. He just needed to be understood and help in his healing process. And that's what I did. Somehow. But after discovering more about him, his past, and the atrocities that Hydra had done to him, I could feel a slight change in my perception. As well as in my body. The mere sensation of his touch was a clear indicative.

This new realization quickly brought me back to earth as I suddenly blinked my eyes before attempting to bring my legs back to a folded position. Only that seemed to just push the brown to tighten his grip on my ankle. I felt a new thrill run through my body. Except it was not because of the cold this time.

"Barnes ..." I called as a warning. The brown immediately lifted his eyes at me, making me strangely think of a child as he released me almost immediately in the realization. Clearly again in full possession of my cognitive abilities, I let a breath pass my lips as I supported his shameful look. " I will stay with you. You need to regain your memories, figuring out who you are ... "

At the agreement of his sigh relieving, I found myself again raising my eyebrows. Only he captivated my attention again. "You will not regret it ? I'm not the saniest person to be around."

"I think I can handle." I replied with a small, defiant smile, causing another slight tremor along his lips betraying his amusement. He was not really used to smiling but I could finally see a hint of the man who had once smiled.

"You don't understand." He said again dark and deadly serious as he held my gaze."It's my mission now. To keep you safe. I couldn't figure who I was if I didn't keep you safe. By my side." He told me simply, meaningfully, trying to make me understand his reasoning."You're my mission."

I was literally speechless at his admission. I tried to catch my breath in the hope of finding something to answer.

Only the implication of his words seemed to have a totally different effect on me. I could suddenly feel a slight pull along my belly just as a slight shiver resumed along my limbs to the sensation of his touch.

_It had been a few months since I had felt this kind of sensations._ _That had to be enough to send huge alarms into my head. _

Unfortunately, I just ignored them as I just nodded in acceptance.

_I was definitely screwed._


	58. A mental and physical ache

_"I miss you in ways I didn't know existed; you are a mental and a physical ache, a longing woven deep into my dna, and I don't know how to live like this." Jessica Katoff_

* * *

"How've you been?" She asked, getting enough of his attention so that he turned his eyes away from the little baby a little over six months old that she cradled in her arms. She even went so far as to lean slightly to rest her hand on hers in a sign of understanding.

_As usual, his immediate instinct was to lie and say he was fine. Because physically, he was. Emotionally thought ..._

This simple question was enough to remind him of his time with Dan. The way she used to get answers from him without really needing to ask. It was something he had not felt for a long time. Worse still, the mere sight of his interlocutor was enough to remind him again of Dan. He did not really know why he'd agreed to meet her since they didn't really have much in common. _Apart from one single common denominator: Dan._

Originally, he had come to DC to visit Peggy. Loneliness and the latest events had become too much for him. He did not really think about Robbie to be honest, his thoughts almost focused solely on his missions and another person. But it was enough that he crossed her in the corridors to challenge the brunette of skin of coffee.

"Well, I was busy." He replied in a heavy sigh as he scrawled her face again before resting his eyes on the baby in her arms. He had definitely changed since the last time he had seen him. It was almost amazing for him to see how much he had grown up. Nevertheless, it was another reminder of the time that had passed."You? How's the life of parents treating you?"

"Well, a lot's happened since then." Robbie answered with a sharp, knowing look. Of course, she knew more than she let on. After all, it seems he was not the only one to be drop that night. Dan had simply disappeared without a word.

So Robbie just filled in the blanks of their conversation with the experiences of her life with Grant and Davis. Like all parents, she seemed admiring and immensely proud of her son. At each prowess, a new smile filled her lips.

Unfortunately, even Steve could see that there was always a small note of worry and sadness sub-adjacent. A fact he shared.

"If you have time, you should come to dinner." Robbie suddenly offered as she laid Grant in his chair before holding his bottle of gave him a side look."Davis talks so much about you that I could start worrying."

A slight grateful smile adorned his lips at the invitation. He knew she was doing this out of kindness, but he was not sure if he could be in their presence again without Dan's.

"I'm pretty busy lately. As you can imagine." He referenced the Avengers. She gave him a nod and a smile. "But thank you. And I doubt you must worry about Davis." He added with a small smile.

For a while, the conversation between them was simple. Easy. It was mostly focused on her life in DC and she also reassured him about Peggy's well-being. Part of him wanted to ask her about Alma but he thought it was not really his place. After his visit with Peggy, who was good all thing considered, he was tempted to go to the room a little further. After all, Dan had done it once. But he knew he had to let go at some point. Even though the task was much more complicated than he had imagined at first. Even more when he had to face Dan's old friends. The mere fact that she seemed to have removed her from her life also gave him a sense of relief. But it also awakened a lot of other questions that he seemed unable to get answers.

The only other person with whom he had shared his questions was Natasha, and although she had the gift of having the right words to help him back up, she seemed strangely convinced that there was more behind the departure from Dan. And unfortunately, this momentum of hope did nothing to help his acceptance process.

_He couldn't hope and accept the fact that she had decided to break up with him. __And even then, what could have been so important that she would rather break up with him than talk to him?_

Nevertheless, he had to admit that her momentum of disappearance was not really as trivial as he had first thought. So after an incessant amount of pushing on Natasha's side, he had agreed to look at the research she had personally undertaken about Dan. Surprising as it may seem, it was as if she had just disappeared from the face of the earth after leaving the Avengers Tower. The only one and last picture of her recorded in surveillance software was at a private airport in Manhattan. And even then, she seemed strangely avoiding security cameras like the plague.

Her voluntary disappearance was all he had needed to regain a momentum of hope. At least for a moment. He had spent three months almost four, trying to get to where she was.

All the while, he had been trying to find a reason she had decided to run away. Why she had so suddenly broken up with him. But Natasha was wrong, there was no reason she did that except that she didn't like him anymore. He really had a hard time accepting but this could be the only plausible explanation.

He had put some to accept the situation but he was there. There was no explanation for Dan's behavior. No excuses, no secret plans. Just the hard and brutal truth. She didn't love him anymore. Did she really like him for start? There was a time when he was convinced of it. After all, she had shown it over and over again. But he might have been wrong. He may not have seen the signs. He had also thought of finishing things when he had received the proposal to join the Avengers but he could never have resolved it.

_He loved her with all his being. And especially when she had promised to be there until the end of the line._

_But it turned out to be just another lie._

To be honest, he had gone through a stage of anger after she had left him. In spite of his incessant questions about her love, part of him was always certain that she loved him. And he was sometimes affected by anger. But he had finally accepted the fact that she was no longer there. Even if he wanted nothing more than to find her and ask her the answers to his questions.

"Actually ... uh ... Steve ..." Robbie suddenly said, pulling him out of his thought with a slight frown at the sight of her hesitant expression. She nibbled her lower lip as she turned her coffee cup slightly in uncertainty."I had a slight ulterior motive in inviting you." He raised his eyebrows in confusion and slight mistrust. "It's about Dan. I know you must not want to hear a word about her anymore since... well you know. But…"

The simple agreement of her name was enough to send a slight discharge of suffocating pain along his guts. It was one of the effects of the break that he always seemed to be fighting. No matter how hard he tried to get used to her absence.  
He watched as Robbie seemed to change somewhat from her confident and poised persona to leave room for worry and concern in her features. At that moment, he realized fully that he was probably not the only one to suffer from Dan's actions.

It seemed to remind him of all those times when Dan had warned him that she was selfish. He had contradicted her at the time despite the fact that she was right. She was selfish. And yet, it was still not enough to forget the good sides of her personality.

Trying to get the brunette out of her thoughts, Steve squeezed her hand lightly as she had done with him. It seemed like Robbie was coming out of her thoughts as she gave him a sad little smile.

"You probably don't want to hear about her but I miss her." She finally confessed, letting him swallow the feeling of the anxiety ball down his throat."I want to strangle her so much for what she did, but you know ... she stays Dan. She's my best friend."

"She really didn't say anything to you?" Steve found himself asking in spite of himself. A thin hope still lingering in the back of his mind.  
"Except for the little obvious signs of fear, I sincerely thought she was going to stay this time."Assured Robbie, shaking her head slightly before giving Grant a look."I don't understand why she ran away like that when she had everything she needed here." She looked back at him. "It doesn't make sense, right?"

"No." He sighed out, sitting back in his seat and rubbing the back of his neck. "No, it doesn't." He felt a new frown on his forehead as he realized how right she was.

"Do you ... miss her too?" Robbie finally asked in a hesitant whisper.

"Yeah." He admits with a slight sigh and raise of his eyebrows."A lot actually." And he did. He never really thought he could miss anyone that much. It had nothing to do with the times he was out of the ice. He didn't miss Dan as he missed his old life. It was a thing of the past for him, but Dan ... he had hoped she would be his future. And now he missed Dan and his plausible future. It was probably the worst for him, he didn't even know where she was, what she was doing or even if she felt this immense pain like him.

_The logical answer was no, considering that she had broken up with him but he couldn't resign himself to believing the reason she had given him._

"Sometimes I want to go looking for her." Robbie muses with a determined voice, letting him raise his eyes again in surprise."Break and escape? It was kind of predictable with Dan." She made a slight grimace in the realization. "And now I lack tact."

Steve let out a low laugh, it wasn't a current laugh but it looked a bit like it. Enough to soothe Robbie's ramble.

"But what I'm trying to say is that there has to be a reason." She insisted. "This little bitch ... she knows how to bring out the worst in me. But I know she would never do something like that without warning me." She narrowed her lips. "There are rules between us. I knew that she often engaged in dangerous situations. She has no sense of self-preservation after all."

Steve found himself scoffed in acceptance. "No one."

"Exactly." She pointed to him with her hand to support her point. "But she would never have left without a word. Or even a letter. Especially not Alma." She took a deep breath before supporting his gaze with sincerity."I know I have no right to ask you such a thing... but… do you think you could find her? Go after her. She did crappy things but I know she loved you. She must have a reason."

Honestly, Steve sincerely wanted to believe what she was telling him. His mind himself wanted to believe in her words. And he would lie if he told her that he had completely abandoned his research.

_But things were not so simple._

Dan left him in the worst possible way. Once again, she definitely knew what she was doing. She had been the only one to admit that she was not happy. _That he was not enough._ It was something she knew weighed on his mind. A real internal fear that he never really managed to get rid of. A fear that existed long before his Captain America serum. It was at this point. And despite all that, he had tried to find her. Because part of him could not accept the simple fact that she didn't love him anymore. There were just too many points that didn't add up.

_The way she had seemed to struggle to tell him that she didn't loved him anymore. The way she had avoided his touch._

At his equivocal silence, Robbie surprised him as she leaned suddenly across the table, almost imploring."I'm not asking you to forgive her or even to put you back with her. All I want to know is if she's still alive and what she's doing. Just know why she left like this."

Steve narrowed his lips clearly overwhelmed by the intensity of her eyes. She seemed sincerely desperate, almost making him doubt his lack of involvement in his search after Dan. _Had she really left or been forced?_

"Please, Steve." Robbie breathed before moistening her lips in tension."I promise you to never bore you with that again. But just promise to try. Promise me that you will try to find her."

He took a moment in her expression before finally nodding. "I will. "

He had not completely abandoned and if making that kind of promise with Robbie could keep him in his determination then he would promise to find her.

_He was not sure he could forgive her for what she had done but perhaps with time and the right explanation so maybe ... maybe things could make sense to each other again._


	59. Keep going

_"Trust the wait. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming." Unknow.  
_

* * *

_Never stay in the same place too long, travel incognito, stay under the radar, avoid any source of technology like the plague._  
_It was my new lifestyle._

We never really stayed in one place. If it was pure new track or to avoid being spotted, the result remained the same. I had not felt a single sense of belonging for months. And to be honest, this detached lifestyle was starting to seriously weigh on my shoulders. At this point, I was not even sure its suited Barnes as well.

The more he found memories of his past, the more he seemed to become a little more human. _It was both a big evolution and a problem. Simply because he was definitely becoming more human to me._

At the beginning of this adventure, my only goal was to make him more human and now that I was moving a little closer to success, I realized how maybe that was not such a good idea. Simply because finding myself locked up for a long time with a tortured man seemed to affect me more than I wanted to. The fact that he was fucking attractive in his own style did nothing to help my mind already cracked by Steven's loss and lack.

_It was as if my mind was trying to find a way to fill the gap himself. And I did not even talk about my body. He just seemed to have his own plan._

So when Barnes had suddenly proposed to settle for a while in the confines of Sokovia my first idea had been to refuse and continue. But my mouth had accepted of itself. So, we were quick to fly to our new destination. Even worse, we had even begun to settle into a routine for almost two weeks. I would wake up just to find that Barnes was already up because of one of his nightmares. Sometimes I helped him through and at other times I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do for him without risking danger. Then, I would like to take a poorly based breakfast of protein and groats meant to keep us fit for our purpose. There were times when I took the time to cook but it was pretty rare. We were too busy with our sparring session and our tracking.

In the afternoons when we were not busy hunt for another Hydra agent, Barnes had a comfortable pace setting up shooting practice sessions and, in the evening, he would resume a series of workouts in the hope of exhaust. It was both distracting and annoying to see him fight that way.

Hence the reason I took it upon myself to play the distraction. Even if a bastard version of the serum ran through his veins, there was so much sport that he could not take before running out.

_And it seemed oddly suited to him. Dare I even say that he felt comfortable enough and familiar with me that he did not really have any more trouble sharing his nightmares._

Some time, it was his time in captivity with the soviets as the soldier, other when he was a prisoner of war and Arnim Zola had given him the first dose of serum.

At the mere memory of his memory of the other night about how he had repeated his number of the army several times in the hope of remaining himself, I was taking a break in my learning of the local language. I let my fingers skim the page on which I had stopped containing different ways of saying goodbye with an empty look.

When I first decided to go with Barnes, I didn't really know what it's really means. I was aware of what I was going to have to sacrifice but I had not really thought about the possibility of becoming permeable to the charm of Hydra's ex-asset. Even worse, my sudden attraction made me suddenly rethink my motives.

In the beginning, I had convinced myself I was doing this- accompanied and watched over Barnes - for Steve. But as the last weeks went on, I realized that I might not doing it for him. But maybe I was doing it for myself.

Unknown to Dan, Barnes was currently leaning against the opening of the corridor of their little apartment rented on the job. It was not the best place or even the most luxurious but it served its main purpose. It gave them shelter and some stability. He had not known such freedom since ... well since as far back as his memories went.

But in recent times his stability lay more in a person than a place. Dana was his stability. He had found himself more times than he could count on watching her. The mere sight of her short brown curls absently tickling her neck and her calm attitude was enough to repel his dark thoughts.

A bit like right now, he had been in the process of reassembling one of his many weapons hidden around the small studio when he remembered his time with the Soviets. The way they had managed to make him completely disappear, him, Barnes (as Dana called him). They had almost succeeded elsewhere.

Part of him was still scared that they were going to find them, but Dana's words had some impact on him. So he found himself looking for her again in his moment of distress.

He had moved slowly to the entrance of the corridor just to stop at the sight of Dana fluttering on a desk chair with her feet resting on the table on which she had installed their meager technological tools. This consisted of two laptops currently using tracing software that crosses the SHIELD data to retrieve the Hydra agents. She seemed strangely lost in thought as she stared at one of the learning books she had picked up at the airport.

In recent months, he had come to realize that he was not the only one to get lost in his thoughts. Dana also seemed to be in some kind of pain. It was almost certain that it had to do with the man who called himself his friend. He supposed she had to leave her life behind after agreeing to accompany him.

_And although he could now realize how bad it was, he could not find in him the strength to worry._

As he was leaning against the wall, he soon became aware of the soft music playing in the background. He had been so focused on Dana that he had not heard it at first, but he could hear it now. It was nothing like what he remembered. He was more used to listening to catchy music demanding quick steps and twirling.

As if she had suddenly awakened from a deep dream, she jumped before turning her head sharply to the side visibly on the alert. He was not the only one who was on his guard and the soldier in him was much more reassured by the sight. To see her unconsciously immersed in her thoughts had the gift of rubbing him on the wrong side.

_He didn't like to see her in danger._

Because in a way, she had become his new mission. Keeping her alive, safe and sound by his side was much more important than going after Hydra. Dana had become his only anchor.

"Barnes?" She yelled visibly surprised as she rested her book before adjusting to her chair. She raised her eyebrows as she took a moment in his position against the wall. "What are you doing?"

"You like music?" He raised an eyebrow at her as he pushed himself out of the wall, uncrossing his powerful arms from his chest. The new clothes she had bought him were definitely more comfortable than his old tactical gear.

She seemed surprised at his question but she quickly regained control of her expressions as she shrugged."Sometimes." She leaned almost immediately to the table, removing her legs from their perch before giving him a side look. "I can turn it off if you want."

"No." He objected as he approached her side before giving an uncertain look at the current codes on both screens."It's interesting."

Dana blinked up at him, a slow smile spread over her face as she crossed her arms over her chest, mocking."Right, you were rather the man to ladies at the time. I'm sure you had to like dancing."

"Do you really think?" He found himself asking with a look of genuine confusion on his face.

Dana raised a simple eyebrow before lifting from her chair, leaning on the table. She gave him an observant look before nodding his head with a slight sheepish expression, "Yeah."

However, she seemed impervious to his distress as he suddenly lowered his eyes with a slight crease between his eyebrows. He wrinkled his lips in mild frustration."I don't remember ... I don't know how to dance anymore."

"Ha shit!" She exclaimed suddenly, forcing him to lift his head just to catch her slightly teasing look as she raised her eyebrows with a pout."I guess I couldn't count on you to make me dance then." A new jolt lifted his lips in a feeling he had not felt for a very long time."Damn, did you just smile? Right, you smiled! I almost made you smile."

He snorted slightly and shook his head as if in agreement as he watched her sit back on the chair. He picked up her attractive profile again and then almost instantly tensed as a slight ping sounded from one of the computers. It was a sound he'd heard all too well in the last few months and yet he could not help but rush to the table next to Dana to watch the new target appear on the screen.

At the mere sight of the familiar face, he could feel his muscles contract like the plates of his metal arm.

"Isaac Ostroff." Dana said, referring to the screens. Detaching her eyes from the screen as she swallowed in the realization, she gave him a split look between nervousness and anxiety. "He is one of the minions of Colonel Vasily Karpov."

Colonel Vasily Karpov was a Hydra operative embedded within the Russian Armed Forces who was given the responsibility for overseeing the Winter Soldier Program. His memories of the soldier being clearer than his past life, Barnes could still remember the time he woke him up. He was one of those who used these words triggers and according to his earliest memories had used him to kill one of his friends.

The mere sight was enough to awaken a tornado of emotion in him as he suddenly squeezed his metal hand around the edge of the table, leaving the effective trace of his fingers in the surface. He was about to return to his soldier's stage when he jumped in spite of himself at the sensation of contact of the skin against his wrist of metal.

It was only a faint sensation, a feeling, but that was enough to force him to look at her instead of the screen. He stood a moment motionless as he just took in her warm brown eyes warming easily his icy limbs.

"If you don't want to go after him or if it's too ... hard-" She hesitated in her choice of word and gauged him carefully. It was enough to make him make a decision.

He was going to bring an end to all his demons. Once and for all. Perhaps then he will be able to leave this period of his life behind him for good.

* * *

The next few days, our duo spent planning. It was decided that the assassination of the lieutenant was to be carried out at long distance. There was enough information to give us the place and the perfect moment for a long-range shot. It just took a good sniper and we were lucky because we were two good shooters. Nevertheless, Barnes was going to be the only one to shoot. As for me, I would be keeping watch from a street across the graveyard, comm in my ear and my hands around a stolen car wheel in case Barnes got spotted faster than we had think.

We had three days of recognition to get this plan and we were not really one to fail. The last few months had provided enough training for that. Barnes' expertise and mine combined had turned us into real threats. We left nothing to chance, we were fast and efficient.  
Maybe it was this trust that blinded us.

I struggled to park in one of the alleyways sheltered by a huge lime tree before quickly cutting off contact. I leaned over the console to get the binoculars before bringing them immediately to my face to look in the distance.

Not surprisingly, I was not long in spotting the little ceremony taking place not far from me. There were thirty see a few more people dressed in formal clothes. It was a funeral in the rules. If it had been before, I might have had an ounce of double-thinking about murdering a man at a funeral but the last few months had changed me more than I could imagine.

_Chasing to death an extremist organization could do that for you._

"I have a visual on Ostroff." I announced to my interlocutor at the other end, on the roof of a hospice.

Our target was at the front of the procession, he had a totally black three-piece suit with a simple white tie. He was around forty with eyebrows provided and a slight beginning of baldness at his temples. A simple mustache lay over his lips. He stood upright and solemn beside a woman visibly in tears. If I believed his position, he was on the side of the family.

Once again, I realized that I did not find a single ounce of sympathy in me for this family that was about to lose another member.

_"The priest blocks the field."_ Barnes suddenly growled in my ear.

I tried to ignore the feeling that his hoarse voice evoked in me before swallowing as I turned my eyes to the situation to realize that indeed, the priest was in the field. And at the sight of Ostroff's nervous look on his surroundings, I suspected it was a deliberate action on his part.

_I couldn't really blame him, we didn't really hide the bodies we left behind._

However, my attention was soon entertained elsewhere as I took a brusque pause in disbelief. I could feel my lips parting in total horror as I remained totally fixed on the face of my past now in the assembly meant to be reserved for friends.

"Oh shit." I gasped as I tightened my hands around my binoculars in a tumult of shared feeling. On one side I could feel indignation and anger and on the other side panic and worry at Sam's sight.

He had not really changed since the last time I saw him. He had a simple pair of aviator style glasses similar to that of ... Steve. At the mere thought of the blond, I could feel my heart miss a beat in my chest.

_"What?"_ Barnes asked in a dry, tense tone.

"A fucking face from the past. I whispered through Barnes' comm."In the background. Friend side of the family. Aviator sunglasses, buzz cut, dark skin."

I could already imagine his jaw snapping as he was silent, visibly alert by this new variable. Only the sound of his breath echoed through the comm in my ear. I swallowed as I turned my attention back to the target before feeling my heart racing again as I noticed the members apart from the family coming forward to pay their respects.

Suddenly, the sound of a safety notch on the other side hissed at me, letting me hold onto Barnes' sudden grim statement_."It's a is here too."_

I immediately turned my attention to Sam in worry just to feel the wheels in my mind snap at the sight of the two men not far from him. They already seemed to have set their sights on him, leaving me to swear in the realization.

Without really taking the trouble to think, I quickly swapped my binoculars for my two 9mm before hiding them in the size of my jeans. I pulled the hood off my waistcoat and readjusted it on my leather jacket. I then pushed the door alerting almost instantly Barnes. I could already imagine the former asset change his tune to observe me instead of the target.

_"What are you doing? Go back in the car.__"_ He ordered me dryly. _"I said ... go back ... In the ... car ... Dana."  
_

I tried to ignore the dangerous tone of his voice as I walked through the aisles so as to remain unnoticed by the congregation not far from me."Sorry but I can't do that. "

Instead, I stood under the tree cover with my eyes riveted on Sam in a deep sense of worry and irritation.

With all that, I had completely forgotten about Sam's attempts to find Barnes. It was the first time we met him on our trip and to say that I was not prepared to see a face of my past was a euphemism. Not to mention that a part of me was always terribly panicked that Steve could accompany him.

I scanned the graveyard quickly as I finally stopped under a tree before returning my eyes to the burial. Or more precisely on Sam. The latter still seemed unconscious of the company he had attracted, letting me wrinkle my lips in frustration.

I brought my hand to my headset hoping to get a glimpse of Barnes."Change of plan. We have to move Sam away. Ostroff will be taken care of later."

_"No. You're moving him away. Right now!__"_Barnes growled, tense and irritated by my obstinacy. _"I take care of Ostroff."_

Realizing that it was the best he could offer in this state of mind, I just nodded before remembering that he probably couldn't see me. "I'll show myself. Sam will probably want to follow me. It'll give you an opening of five seconds."

His only answer was a new grunt showing how much the counter-time had thrown him into his darkest side. In an attempt to reassure him, I passed in Russian knowing that I was speaking more to the soldier than to Barnes at this stage.

Everything happened within a second, one moment I leaned against a tree some foot from Sam and the second from the brown connected his eyes with me. A wide look of incredulity passed over his face only I did not give him the opportunity to recover from his surprise.

I immediately turned on my heels back to the SUV with a quick step.

An explosion rang out, deafening and that was everything I needed to get into a frantic race for the SUV. Screams and crying could be heard behind me as I slammed the door before starting the engine again. I just had time to see Sam avoiding the shots as I disappeared again. More gunshots boomed and the car shook as the bullets plugged in the sides of it; I ducked down as glass of the window shattered, before taking a last look in the outside mirror.

I could suddenly feel that deep feeling of guilt again as I came across Sam's shocked look again.

However, I was quick to look back on the road through the windshield as I rushed out of the graveyard. I only slowed down when I was in the familiar streets of the city before stopping abruptly in front of the hospice on which Barnes had taken his position. I did not really have to wait a moment longer as the passenger door was almost torn off by the force of his metal arm. He threw the sports bag snugly in the back before he ran his eyes down the road."Drive!"

I was content to perform, knowing already that it was not the moment to provoke him. Instead, I let myself dive back into my short meeting sooner. I could feel my heart accelerating again in my chest as I realized that my presence would be enough to make him realize what was really happening. And after the allegiance and friendship he had built with Steve, I already knew he wouldn't hesitate to tell him what I had plotted.

I put so much distance between us and the cemetery before finally reaching our small apartment complex. Barnes ordered me to stay in the car and in spite of my desire to argued, I remained in my seat. I had enough close calls to know that he was able to explode at any moment.

So it was only when he snapped open my door with a dry nod that I allowed myself to move. I retrieved the bags in the back before just going down to meet his icy blue eyes. Not the slight blue of metal softens that I had the chance to discover during our time together but the ice-cold and empty blue of the soldier.

As I swallowed, I scanned the area quickly before rushing to follow him inside without a word. Even behind him, I could tell he was holding on with great difficulty. His shoulders were rigid and the thrill along his metal hand was enough to prove my point.

Unfortunately, I could not really care about his internal crisis when I was currently experiencing a kind of crisis myself.

_Who knew if Steve was not in this cemetery? For all that I knew, he could very well have seen me. Or worse, Sam might have told him._

Anyway, it was pretty obvious that we could not stay longer.

A fact that Barnes hastened to confirm as he immediately began to pack the little of our affairs into readiness."Pack your things. We leave."

I did not know his authoritarian tone, dangerously scary and somewhat irritating, as I was complying with his request in logic. It was only that which kept me from contradicting him. The heavy frown and the lines of worry on his forehead were enough to keep me from arguing with him. Instead, I finished wrapping up the rest of our stuff before quickly rejoining the lounge once it was ready.

_However, I was not slow to pause in a second thought. No matter how much I wanted to ignore it again Sam had awakened some of my doubts._

Unfortunately, a more reasonable part of me already knew that it would be useless to think about the subject. I couldn't go back. I wasn't allowed to. I had made a choice and now I had to live with the consequences. Maybe one day. But it was unlikely given the circumstances.

_No, my future would probably be a reproduction of the last few months._

Maybe I could settle for Barnes' company once we're done. Maybe I could leave the past behind and settle for what I had sown. I did not really have a choice anyway. No matter how much my heart wanted to hold on to Steve.

With one last look at the apartment having brought us a strict semblance of a house, I already knew that I had resigned myself to my fate.

Now would be an equally good time for a drink.


	60. Memories of plums

_"Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as being stuck somewhere you don't belong." Unknow_

* * *

I woke up slowly and stretched luxuriously. Our new place of residence was not as comfortable as the last apartment in Sokovia but the simple mattress on the floor was always a pleasant change from the shabby motels in which we had long been refugees. At least we did not have to worry about other guests or even the possible repercussions of our late comings and goings.

It was a simple apartment complex with a single living room and a small bathroom. Currently, I was resting on a mattress on the floor and despite the fact that it was warm and comfortable, I didn't exactly sleep well.

My sleep was again interrupted by loud, pained shouting coming from the reclining chair that Barnes had claimed as his. It was the type of yell that didn't require my intervention.

Especially when Barnes had woken up by pointing the barrel of his gun at my head. And despite everything, it was a typical night with Barnes.

_I didn't really take things to heart. I didn't really have a choice anyway._

Unfortunately, after the awakening related to Barnes, I was unable to go back to sleep. Simply because my mind had been plagued with issues all the more impossible than others. After discovering that Sam was in the area, I had been unable to stop the flood of disturbing thoughts in my mind. No matter how much I tried to forget the reality around me, I couldn't help but think back to Steve again. What he did and worse, if he knew of my presence beside his best friend.

Unfortunately as with Barnes' brutal awakenings, the incessant questions had become a part of my life. And if that was meant to be a kind of punishment then I was ready to accept my fate.

Stifling a yawn, I turned to the side to rest on my back. I stood for a moment with my eyes fixed on the ceiling as I tried to drown my thoughts again before realizing the ambient silence. I frowned immediately in spite of myself before turning my head to the side. The sight of the empty armchair was not really a surprise since Barnes was still up before me but the silence was disturbing.

Straightening up in a sitting position, I pulled the blanket off my legs before standing up silently. I could already feel my mind going into a defense mode as I was observing my environment clinically.

I noticed with ease the knife lying on the kitchen sink, the gun in one of the drawers and the lamp in the corner.

However, my attention was soon to be questioned on the front door to the agreement of the grinding of the handle. I straightened my shoulders clearly ready for an attack before rushing as silently as possible on the knife. I held my grip around the neck as I thought of the many techniques Barnes had taught me before I was ready.

Only I was quick to relax at the familiar sight of the ex-assassin. The latter paused in the opening of the door as he saw me. He was silent as he watched me carefully before stopping on the knife in my hand.

Meanwhile, I was slowly taking in his shape. He wore a simple flannel with dark jeans to help him go unnoticed. My eyes stopped on the paper bag lying in his metal hand covered by a glove.

A bag he soon raised in my direction to support his point. "There was a market down the street."

I raised a simple eyebrow in response before nodding my head somewhat caught off guard. I knew it was a new sign of improvement, but his recurring dreams were still a big worry for me.

Nevertheless, I tried to rest the knife before starting to prepare breakfast. Barnes used to wait for me before doing this kind of work. He was not used to doing that kind of thing.

_Making scrambled eggs and sizzled bacon was not really recommended to match Hydra's expectations._

I took out the pan from the cupboard and the butter from the fridge before starting to cook the bacon. Meanwhile, Barnes was quick to join my side by putting the paper bag on the small counter in the kitchen.

Letting my curiosity take over, I flanked his side before taking a look at the bag clearly unconscious of Brown's incisive look on my profile. A slight smile soon bowed my lips at the sight of some plums adorning the bag.

"You like plums?" I asked a little surprised before moving back to have a clear glimpse of his face. Surprising as it may sound, he was quite expressive when he was not under Hydra blinked as he looked at the wall above my head and exhaled a slow breath."Are you okay?"

He stood still for a moment before moving his gaze on me. He narrowed his lips in an uncomfortable pout."Memories."

I let a little sound of understanding cross my lips before nodding my head in sympathy."Good or bad?"

He looked like he was thinking hard, then shook his head slightly with a pained grimace."It's good ... I think." He seemed frustrated as he pressed his lips together in uncertainty."I saw these plums and I felt like I had to buy them. My mother, a kitchen and ... Steve."

"You had to go to the market with Steve before the war." I realized, paying close attention to saying Steve's name in a hurry. As much for him as for me. I was not really comfortable with the latest events. Nevertheless, I struggled to give Barnes a tense grin."It's a new progress. You remembered a moment before the war."

He nodded slowly, his jaw still clenched, and so I offered him a mug of coffee to distract him. I then returned to the stoves to continue breakfast. Barnes settled on the small table of two people before taking a sip from his mug. He rested his cup on the table with a thoughtful look before looking at me again.

_It was a habit I had noticed. If it had been a little disturbing at first, I had quickly got used to having his eyes on me._

Once seated with our two plates provided, we ate mostly in silence. However, that was before I noticed Barnes's gaze falling back every five seconds on the little computer open on the coffee table. He had an almost unreadable expression on his face and a slight frown.

Becoming clearly alerted by his actions, I slowed my chewing before resting my fork on the side of my plate."Something wrong?"

"The computer paged earlier." He answered with a pensive look before squinting his lips as he turned to me."I think that's the software you explained to me the other day." I raised my eyebrows expectantly since I had explained a lot of software in recent weeks."The one supposed to recognize your friend."

This time, I was not slow in taking a break as I swallowed my bite, stretched before wrinkling my lips in nervousness."Sam ?"

In response, Barnes just nodded before getting up to retrieve the computer. I remained totally motionless as he put it to my side before clicking on the mouse to reach the image he wanted. Unsurprisingly, I felt my heart bounce slightly at the sight of Sam's security camera picture on the screen. I did not hesitate for a moment to take full control of the laptop as I hastened to click on the info of the photo.  
I allowed myself to breathe only when I saw the location of the photo. It seems that my tactics of diversion had been enough to send Sam on a bad track. He was now in the Czech Republic.

It was one of the places we had visited briefly in the beginning of our research and I already knew that it was not going to be difficult to trace our passage. Although we were good at hiding our facts, I was now convinced that he had cracked our way of doing things. I assumed it had to be with Fury's help. He was the only one with enough resources available to the Avengers to help Sam in his project.  
Unfortunately, that implied that he had to make contact with Steve at one time or another. I did not really know how to feel about this subject.

_Should I be relieved that he had not started searching with Sam or should I feel hurt?  
_

_Again, I knew these were questions that were out of place but I could not really stop myself. I loved Steve. And I still loved him. I was not even sure that my feelings would disappear one day. With Ben, I learned to accept the fact that my feelings could never be returned but with Steve ... I knew that I was the only one to ruin everything._

At the mere thought, I let a soft sigh cross my lips before leaving the page containing Sam's photo. I stood for a moment staring at the empty screen in silence before narrowing my lips. I could still feel Barnes's eyes as I suddenly jumped to my feet before telling him I was going to take a shower.

I did not know the sensation of his bluish look on my back as I entered the mini bathroom before pushing the door in the hope of slamming. I then went to the shower to turn the hot water valve before turning to the sink. I took a moment to take in my reflection, noticing the changes in my expression.

I was now wearing the same purple bags as Barnes under my eyes, and my features seemed a lot more drawn. This served to reinforce my cold and detached appearance. I did not even remember the last time I actually smiled.

Shaking my head at this nonproductive thought process, I was pushing myself out of the sink before starting to undress. During all this time I was still ignorant of the small open space giving the perfect glimpse of my bare back to the asset of Hydra.

Barnes had decided to take on the task of clearing their plates when he suddenly stopped in the process in front of him. He knew that deep down he had to look away. But the more he watched Dana, the more he realized that the mood suppressors had also inhibited his deepest instincts. His instincts of men.

The sight of her slightly tanned skin due to their many travels and the sight of the muscles in her back were enough to stop him. He set the plate he was holding in his right hand as he let his eyes go down her column before stopping in spite of himself on the curvature of her loins. Where her back continued in the line bounced off her buttocks. At the mere sight of her cheeks bounces he felt an undeniable twitch from his groin. . It was the first time he'd felt such a thing in what very likely decades was, though he had vague memories of arousal from before Hydra.

He tried to ignore the ball forming slowly along his throat as he forced himself to look away. He even turned his back on her as he heard the sound of her footsteps before hearing the slight change of rich water on her creamy skin. He had to close his eyes to try to ignore the sudden thoughts flooding his mind accordingly.

He doubted that this was even conceivable given his relationship with her. Not to mention that she already seemed to share feelings with his former best friend. She was already doing a lot for him by being at his side, he could not really expect much more from her. Let alone that kind of thing.

Waking up before Barnes was not really an occurrence in our lifestyle. But I could not really sleep with Sam's discovery continuing to pursue us. I had to find a way to control his comings and goings. Enough to keep him quite far from our project. I held a sigh at the mere thought before surprising me to observe Barnes. The latter was plunged into a sleep seeming quite calm compared to the last months. I surprised myself to leave a small smile at the sight of his lips separated in a small form of O. He looked much younger and childish in this position and the missing sight of a deep frown was strangely pleasant. His face was relaxed, his eyes closed and the corners of his mouth turned down. His brown hair had already started to grow back, and a slight coat of a beginning of beard now adorned his jaw.

Unfortunately, my observation was soon interrupted again as my eyes saw the computer open on the coffee table.

Making as little noise as possible, I got up from the little mattress on the floor before recovering the computer. I placed myself on the mattress before settling against the wall as I put the laptop on my thighs. I reopened the page containing Sam's picture before pausing with my pleated lips. I took a moment in his appearance looking tired and somewhat frustrated before shaking my head.

I returned to the page containing the software supposed to give us our next target. We were soon at the end of the Hydra agents who participated in the Winter Soldier project. One of the last was a man named Baron von Stricker.

There was just a little problem. It would appear that he was also the new owner of Loki's scepter. I did not know much about the Battle of New York, but I had caught up enough to know that he was a demi-god and that his scepter was powerful enough to create new beings like Barnes.

Even more powerful beings.

So we were not really in a hurry to get to this point. For the moment we started after those Barnes knew best. Or at least he remembered the most. But I could see that the more we eliminated agents and the more he seemed to calm down. It was as if killing his torturers liberated him in a way.

Only it was temporary and I could see Barnes's cravings become clearer and clearer. He wanted to settle rather than persevere in this bloodbath.

_And it was at times like this when I could imagine myself settling somewhere far from civilization to continue his healing process. Because after all, he and I were all we had now._

I let my eyes drag on Barnes again at this thought simply to freeze in surprise at the agreement of his voice. "You're staring." He opened his eyes, piercing me with his light gaze, which was more blue than gray in the light.

I swallowed, slightly embarrassed at having been caught in the act before trying to stay detached anyway."And now you're the one gazing."

He closed his eyes once more and shifted."I am." He seemed barely disturbed by his admission letting me smile slightly in response.

"It's creepy." I announced in the hope of getting a reaction from the brunet. And surprisingly, I was not slow to see a slight jolt of his lips. I smiled fully this time before pausing in the realization. "You ... you didn't wake up with a start."

Barnes made a faint rumbling noise, a sound of contentment, his eyes still closed. "I didn't have any nightmares."

I raised an eyebrow in surprise before leaning my head to the side to observe him more. Even now that he seemed awake, he still seemed as peaceful as in his sleep. It was a whole new development that deserved to be noticed.

"It's a new progress." I admitted with a slight relief along my chest.

Barnes opened his eyes, looking at me before nodding his head with a tiny sketch of a smile on his lips as he took in turn in my appearance."Yeah, a progress."


	61. Light and Dark

_"We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act upon. That's who we really are." Sirius Black _

* * *

_"On your right. Two agents. They speed up."_ I immediately glanced over my shoulder in response to the information Bucky had just given me and immediately creased my lips at the sight of the two Hydra agents following me.

I swallowed as I clenched my fists beside me before turning my attention back before me looking for a way to close the trap on them. The target was supposed to be a diplomat from Romania who had been listed as a Hydra associate. Unfortunately, we were behind Hydra. It seems that they finally decided to fight back. So instead of a diplomat, we found his body. Everything had set up to accuse Barnes and me when the police arrived. I assumed it was more for Barnes since they didn't know my involvement but the result was still the same.  
We were separated right out of the real estate tower. The crowd of people gathered for the current festival was a great help to blend into the crowd but now I was getting back on track and I was not particularly fond of the turn of events.

Reaching for the comm link in my ear, I pulled my hood on my head before accelerating the pace."I take care of the agents. We meet at the hideout."

_"Что? He! (What? No!)"_ He hissed in his authoritarian way, faithful to the soldier. The use of Russian was a clear indication. _"Dana, He ... Я не оставлю тебя. (I will not leave you.)"_

"That's not the time to argue, Barnes." I answered in an irritated whistle. I glanced over my shoulder before shaking my head and biting my bottom lip."Просто сделай то, что я тебе скажу на этот раз. (Just do what I tell you for once.)"

To support my point, I cut the communication before leaving a new swearword as I suddenly hit a passerby. I immediately confused myself as an excuse and took the opportunity to glance at the agents pursuing me. It was only when I made eye contact with them that I knew how much I was in a mess.

It was as if the time had slowed down as I took in their shady look before finally getting into action. I pushed violently the passer-by that I had just hit before running at the pace. I could already feel my muscles coming into action as I made my way through the crowd. I did not know how many people I was hitting or even their protest cry.

_Instead, I strove to stay focused on my goal: to flee._

Unsurprisingly, the sound of a detonation was soon heard. And as expected, the crowd immediately began to disperse in panic. The screams soon joined the joint as several shots rang out letting me avoid passersby in addition to the bullets. I could feel the frustration and anger join the panic letting me let out a new swear as I ducked again to avoid the attack. I could hear the agents shouting in Romanian to force me to stop but I just speeded up more. I glanced over my shoulder again before feeling my heart jump a beat as I brought my eyes back before me. I took a sudden pause at the sight of a cul-de-sac before feeling panic flowing to the back of my mind.  
I tried to control my breath as I took a sharp detour to the left before I started running at full speed. The view of buildings was just what I needed to clear my way out of the crowd. It was riskier but also easier to defend myself.

I quickly snuck between two buildings connected by several clothesline on which the inhabitants had spread sheets. I ducked to avoid these before taking a new turn on the right. I pressed myself against a wall to catch my breath before reaching for the knife in the belt of my jeans. If I was adroit enough with firearms, Barnes had insisted on teaching me how to handle knives. And I had to recognize that I had developed a kind of attachment for this type of weapon.

I tightened my hold around the handle as I tried to slow my erratic breath due to my run before banging the back of my head against the wall in frustration. I wrinkled my lips as I could feel the adrenaline pumping at full force along my veins before glancing over my shoulder to monitor their progress.

At the sight of the two agents exploding from behind the sheets, I pressed myself against the wall before suddenly freezing at the agreement of an engine coming from the other side. I could already feel the anticipation joining the adrenaline as I immediately turned my head towards the new sound.

If they had planned to encircle me then there was absolutely no chance for me to avoid confrontation. I was going to have to fight whether I wanted it or not.

With that resolution in mind, I pushed myself out of the wall I was resting on before straightening my shoulders as I turned to the approaching vehicle. At the agreement of the familiar whirring and the narrowness of the buildings, I leaned towards a motorcycle. I scanned my surroundings quickly in search of points to my advantage before quickly joining the side of a huge dumpster. If I could take a cover behind it then I could have a minimum of surprise effect.

Soon enough, the agreement of rapid steps coupled with typically male voices was not long in being heard forcing me to play on several fronts. I watched the approach of the bike as well as that of the men before wrinkling my lips in a feeling of agitation.

_I was made like a rat. There was no chance that this was a fair fight, let alone impartial._

I scanned my environment again, noticing the light platform and the balconies within reach. I was not slow to pause at the sight of a slightly open window.

Without thinking, a logical plan formed itself in my mind.

Giving a glance from both sides of my opponents in approach, I suddenly went to the balcony. I took a hold on the brick protruding from the building to propel me before catching me on the edge of the balcony rail. I hastened to hoist myself with the strength of my arms alone. I was grateful to have worked in recent months. I was fully operational for this kind of thing now.

I quickly stepped on the rail just like the bike and Hydra's agents exploded in turn in the small alley. I hid quickly from the view before climbing through the window. I kept a hold on the straps of my backpack before quickly pausing once inside the building. I kept my senses alert for any kind of noise or even movement before taking in what I supposed was a living room.

There was a simple two seater sofa that had better days and a simple TV dating back several years. A simple little table with a lamp and a flag of Romania hanging on the wall.

At the sight of toys dragging on the floor, I felt almost a sense of guilt. Unfortunately, I did not really have time to make feelings. It was them or me.

_Once again, I was forced to see how my last months with Barnes had changed me._

Even more, when a movement coming suddenly from the corridor made me freeze. I immediately narrowed my eyes, brandishing my knife on alert. I rushed to the noise preparing for any kind of fight before suddenly catching the person hiding in the shadows. I did not think for a single second as I slammed him against the wall before brandishing the blade of my knife against their throat as a threat. I was totally disconnected from reality at this point. All that was important to me was to protect myself.

It was only when I met the scared look of the boy of only fifteen that I realized how much I had screwed up. He begged me in Romanian with both hands raised in surrender and a flood of tears already running down his cheeks. He had dark, jet-black hair and brown-green eyes almost mesmerizing with gray. His lips were full. He also had a strong jaw protruding and cheeks slightly hollowed out by the lack of proper nutrition. Nevertheless, I could bet he was usually successful with girls. Probably when he was not shaking like a leaf.

Finally his pleas to spare his little brother's life crossed my haze of warning. I immediately released my grip on him before taking a step back by keeping my knife raised for insurance. No matter how guilty I was, I couldn't let go of my guard.

"Cine altcineva este cu tine? (Who else is with you?)" I asked curtly in a flowing Romanian before raising a little my tone frustrated with myself and him for his lack of response. He was obviously scared."Nu mă forţa să mă repet, puştiule. (Don't force me to repeat myself, kid.)"

He glanced between the blade and me with wide panic eyes before jumping as I took a step forward. "Fratele meu mai mic. Sunt doar eu şi fratele meu mai mic. Te rog, nu ne face rau. (My little brother, it's just me and my little brother, please don't hurt us.)"

"Unde sunt părinţii tăi? (Where are your parents?)" I asked in suspicion before repeating myself again with more force to his silence. He hastened to make sure it was just him and the little boy letting me pause to examine his body language.

I hated doing this kind of thing but I didn't really have a choice. Especially when the voices of the two agents soon made me tender. I tightened my grip on the boy's shoulder, ignoring the grimace of pain on his face before leaning slightly out of the hallway to watch the balcony.

"Stefan, Ce se întâmplă? Cine este doamna? (What's going on? Who's the lady?)"

At the agreement of a small voice heavily accented by the Romanian, I froze again with my grip even tighter on the boy's shoulder. I could also feel the latter freeze in panic automatically answering my internal question. I narrowed my lips to restrain myself from swearing. I took a deep breath before moving back to turn to the new kid. He seemed barely older than four years making me feel guilty right away. I swallowed in shame before taking another look at his older brother. The latter seemed totally terrified as he glanced panicked between his little brother and me.

However, I was not long in perceiving a slight spark of rebellion in his eyes. I could almost feel an ounce of pride for his courage.

Unfortunately, it would be useless. More than that, I definitely didn't want to use more force against him.

"Un sfat: nu mă gândiți nici măcar la asta. (One piece of advice: don't even think about it.)" I warned him harshly before releasing him in good faith. I glanced between us, keeping my blade hidden from the little boy's eyes before giving a new look at the elder."Numele tău este Stefan, nu? (Your name is Stefan, right?)" The boy gave a look between his little brother rubbing his sleepy eyes and me before nodding in a shake." locuiesti singuri sau cu familia? (Do you live alone or with family?)"

However, I was surprised to hear the boy's little voice again as he walked towards me clearly unaware of the danger. "Sunteți mama noastră? (Are you our mom?)"

I froze at once to his question before giving a cold glance at the elder. The latter hastened to throw himself on his little brother to prevent him from approaching me forcing me to contain the bile along my throat in shame.

_I couldn't hate myself more than at this moment. I had become a completely different person. If Steve saw me right now._

The thought of the super soldier made me like an electric shock. I almost instantly pushed back boys as if they were some kind of threat before quickly storing my knife. It appealed to the elder as he gauged me with his little observant eyes. He quickly took in my clothes and let me take off my hood, hoping to look a little less threatening.

I could suddenly see his expression of fear changing somewhat as he straightened up before turning to his little brother. At the sight of his back offered so easily, I couldn't help but question his sanity. Nevertheless, a small ounce of relief pops up in my chest.

He ordered his little brother to return to his room before getting up with his face closed as he watched the little boy bend to his demands. I saw him give me a last look before he closed the door behind him.

The elder, Stefan, turned to me again before trying to act as imposing as possible by crossing his arms over his thin chest. It was not difficult to guess that they were part of the poor part of the population. The dilapidated apartment and the holes in his clothes were enough to arrive at this deduction. But the sight of his frail build and the light dirt on his still childish face was a real proof.

Finally, he seemed to be speaking again in uncertain English."Are you English ?"

I supposed that my accent was still audible despite all my efforts. However, I could not really tell him my nationality. So, I just nodded with an arched eyebrow. "You speak English ?"

"I learned it ... at school." He replied with a slight grimace to each of his words in uncertainty."Are you going to hurt us?"

Once again, I could not really ignore the ball of disgust going through me at the mere sight of the fear running through his eyes. I took an inaudible breath as I shook my head in negation.

Realizing he had absolutely no reason to believe me, I just gave him a half-truth."I was pursued. I needed a place to hide. I didn't want to hurt you."

"Who was chasing you?" He asked suddenly with a new hint of curiosity and excitement in his eyes. "Are you one of his super-spies like on TV? A part to the Avengers ?"

I paused immediately with a sarcastic return on the tip of my tongue before just rolling my eyes."I need to use your bathroom." He raised a confused eyebrow, before he told me the door of the corridor. I was eager to follow his indication before making a sudden pause to give him a warning look. "If you ever warn someone-"

"I'm not going to tell anyone. I swear." He swallowed in a clearly intimidated eagerness.

I stayed another moment on the doorstep in mistrust before finally nodding my head in sign of acceptance. I did not really have a choice anyway. I turned the handle before taking a look at the modest bathroom. There was a simple open shower and a simple sink at the toilet side. It was the bare minimum.

However, that was going to serve his purpose. I took another careful look at the kid before walking straight to the sink. I removed my backpack in a hurry before placing it on the sink to pull the closure. I did not know most of the hiding weapons on the inside as well as the useful tools for our previous plan before releasing a wig, and the new clothes prepared for this type of situation. I put everything in the washbasin dry before taking out my 9mm as a precaution.

Unfortunately, I did not foresee the sudden intervention of the kid at the door. I immediately turned my head in his direction in surprise before narrowing my eyes on him in impatience.  
I rushed to the door to slam it to his face before shaking my head with a small smile anyway. The situation could definitely have been worse.

Nevertheless, I struggled to cross my reflection in the mirror in shame and guilt. I was content to change quickly in my disguise before forcing myself to take a look at my reflection to put on my wig. It was a simple cut to the boy of a platinum blonde. I hid all my hair under the hairpiece before adjusting the wig with a decisive look. It was enough that I managed to cross the street incognito and I could steal a vehicle to join our hideout.

_After that, we could put our next plan into execution._ _The diplomat was supposed to be our last mission. Our last target. The last on the list._

And although I was horribly afraid of what was going on, I was somewhat relieved to stop the killings. If only to find a part of me. The one who was not forced to threaten innocent kids to hiding me of Hydra agents.

The plan was still pending as to what we were going to do next but I was already thinking about moving to a small town. Maybe somewhere Barnes could feel at home. A place where he could finally leave his past aside. A place where we both could leave our past behind us.

_And yes, it meant leaving Steve behind me._

I paused at the mere thought of the tall blond before looking up at the dust-stained mirror with a ball of emotion down my throat. Steve's thought was always so hard and painful for me.

Unfortunately, this was not the time for this type of weakness. I could not afford to have weaknesses now.

With one last look at my totally foreign reflection, I rushed back to the door just to take a break at the sight of the empty hallway.

However, I was not long in catching a set of voices coming from a new opening on my right. I frowned slightly as I reached for the handle of my knife in the waistband of my pants before heading for the opening in a slow and informed step. I was quick to lean over, keeping my knife on my back to avoid revealing myself too soon.

Unfortunately, I was definitely not prepared for the sight in front of me.

I could once again feel my emotions disperse at the sight of the duo of brothers currently preparing a small sandwich of bread, salad, ham and mayonnaise. They seemed to be working in sync despite the reality of their situation and I could almost feel like a kind of intruder in plain view.

The little boy was playing with an old teddy bear having seen better days. He was missing an eye and the torn seam let appear the white foam contained inside. I wrinkled my lips at the desolate sight before quickly straightening up as the little boy suddenly turned to me with a broad smile. He missed his two front teeth making the image even more violent. He was adorable.

_At the sight, I could not help but think of another little boy I had left behind. A baby. Grant must have grown so much since the last time I saw him.  
_

I could feel the tears flowing back behind my eyes at the mere thought. At least, it was before I felt a little hand knotting his fingers with mine. My first instinct was to defend myself and Stefan immediately stepped into anticipation.

However, I caught myself at the last moment just to see the little boy squeeze at my hand."Vii? Stefan ți-a făcut un sandwich. (You come? Stefan made you a sandwich.)"

His Romanian was not the most correct and he had a very small thin voice but it was enough to make me shyly nod my head swallowing. I let him drag me before stopping at the little table on which the sandwich was resting.

"I was right. You're a spy." Suddenly Stefan comes in with an excited little smile making me arch an eyebrow. As an answer, he signed my brand-new appearance making me shake my head again."You were more beautiful in brown."

I took a sudden pause at his confident attitude, contrasting totally with his earlier attitude before giving him a slight amused smile. _He definitely did not lack guts._ That was enough to confirm my earlier assumptions about his charm with girls.

"It's for me?" I asked, signing the sandwich instead. He nodded his head before pushing the plate towards me. I looked at the sandwich in mistrust before turning to brown in suspicion."Unde sunt părinţii tăi?(Where your parents ?)"

"Tata e în ceruri. Și mama a mers la piață. (Daddy is in heaven. And mom went to the market.)" The boy immediately answered, prompting Stefan's grimace at the mention of his mother at the market.

Suspecting a lie, I immediately turned to Stefan with an arched eyebrow before switching to English since he seemed the only one to understand it."At the market ?"

"She left three years ago." He replied softly, turning away his eyes and mumbling his answer."Sebastian and I'm still waiting for her to come back."

I could feel my heart breaking on the discovery of this new information. Unfortunately, I could not really do anything to help him. I narrowed my lips in sympathy before giving a new look at Sebastian. He was totally the opposite of his brother. Fragile and small for his age, he had a mass of blond curls framing his angel face. Big blue eyes and a little rolled up. He was a marvel, letting me wonder how someone could abandon him.

I was trying to get out of this kind of thinking before turning my attention to Stefan with a new coldness mask."You can't stay here. People who are looking for me will end up searching the building and if they find you, you will be in danger."

Stefan immediately stared at Sebastian in panic before turning to me, lost."We have nowhere to go."

I strove to stay calm despite the inner rage. Taking care of these kids was definitely not part of the plan. Unfortunately, I was the only one to have upset their already miserable lives. No matter how much I wanted to ignore my inner voice, I couldn't leave them here. I ran my hand down my face in indignation before pausing as I cast a new glance between the boy duo. They seemed to stare at me calmly expectantly. Sebastian seemed definitely less worried since he was just chewing in his sandwich without a worry in the world.

Finally, it was the sight of this innocent little being who decided me as I turned sharply to Stefan."I know a place where you will be safe. But you will have to come with me."

The elder gave an uncertain look at his little brother before turning to me in hesitation."I can't put him in danger. He's my responsibility."

"It's already too late." I said with gravity before putting on my backpack in expectancy."I will not leave here without you. Don't force me to drag you by force."

He swallowed in intimidation before finally nodding his head as he walked around the rickety little table before kneeling at Sebastian's height. He put his hands on his shoulders to force him to look at him before returning to Romanian as he briefly explained the situation in broad outline.

I could see the blond throwing me a few confused looks before finally cracking a wide smile excited at the mention of an adventure.

Once again, I was overwhelmed by guilt.

I tightened my grip on the straps of my backpack before going straight into soldier mode. I turned rigidly to Stefan as I tried to form a plan in my mind.

"Gather the minimum amount of business. Two backpacks will suffice. And make sure you dress so you don't go noticed." I ordered with authority, letting the brunet nod his head before pulling his little brother with him.

I hastened to follow them as a precaution before rushing on the small window of their shared room to monitor the surroundings. I made sure to stay away from the firing range before reaching for the comm in my ear. I glanced at the pair of boys kneeling in front of Sebastian's little dresser before settling for static in my ear.

Soon enough, Barnes' gruff and worrying voice popped into my ear._"Dana? Где ты ?(Where are you ?)"_

"я в порядке. (I'm fine.)" I assured myself in Russian to avoid selling my location in case they were listening to us." У меня просто небольшое время. (I have just a slight counter-time.)"

_"Неудача? Что происходит ? (A setback ? What's happening?)"_ He asked immediately. I could easily hear the threatening change on his side. He was on the verge of switching to soldier mode. Russian was a clear indicator.

"You'll have to trust me." I said in English to try to remind him who he really was before giving a new look at the duo not far from seemed totally unaware of my conversation, letting me raise the poor torn curtains again to watch the street below us."Again."

_"You know very well that you are the only person I trust."_ Assured Barnes in a softer, almost vulnerable voice as he added._"I can't lose you."_

I took a deep breath at his admission. It was not the first time he had told me how important I was to him, yet it seemed to destabilize me as it did for the first time. I just did not feel comfortable with that kind of confession. Especially since it was not really shared. Admittedly, he had become a big part of my life since my escape but I knew what I had left behind for him.

My past and more importantly, Steve was what really mattered to me and I had given up everything for him. Part of me could not help but feel a slight grudge against him. That was probably why I could not really accept his confession without feeling agitated. That and the fact that my heart already belonged to someone else.

Nevertheless, Barnes was absolutely right. We were the only two people we could really count on now. And I was the only person that two little boys could count on now. I was the only one to have condemned their lives. It was up to me to protect them from this life.

Letting a weak sigh leave my lips, I activated the comm again."I'm going to have to get rid of the headset. They could follow us."

The sound of Barnes's comm link being removed was my only answer before I heard a loud, almost deafening whistle. I immediately withdrew my own earpiece before throwing it on the floor in annoyance.

_A little warning would have been appreciated, dickhead!_

I hurriedly pressed my foot on the headset before raising my head at the agreement of the boy's duo movement. I raised an eyebrow as Stefan helped Sebastian put on his tiny backpack before giving him his teddy bear. I narrowed my lips in sympathy before setting them in motion.

_We did not have time to lose._


	62. Baron Von Strucker

_"Même la nuit la plus sombre prendra fin et le soleil se levèra." Victor Hugo._

* * *

As he took off his headphones, keys already in his hand, Stefan hurriedly pulled his phone out of his jeans' pocket - again - for any missed messages or calls. He already knew it was unlikely but he still hoped to receive a sign from her. Still, there was absolutely nothing on his screen. Nothing except the wallpaper of his little brother and him soon after their arrival in Sokovia.

It had not been an easy task to start on an impulse in a whole new country. A country where they did not speak Romanian anymore. Sebastian still had some difficulty managing the change, but Dana's presence had helped them a lot in the last two months. And now she was gone again as if it had been a mere mirage.

There was still so much he didn't know. He hardly knew who she really was and although she had put them in danger, he couldn't ignore the fact that they lived a much better life thanks to her intervention. They had a real roof over their heads and enough money to live comfortably for a while.

_He knew the bare necessities and, according to her, was good enough. They had to forget it. Once again, her words, not theirs._

It was what she had told them just before disappearing from their lives. They were going to bed and the next day she was gone. Instead, she left a simple note telling them to be careful and watch over each other. She had not even signed. She was content to leave a simple number in case of extreme urgency. Part of him had desperately wanted to call her ignoring the condition, but the teaching she had forced him to follow during the two months she was with them had been right for childish thoughts.

_It was not prudent._

He could still hear her voice as she taught him all these ways to stay hidden. She had even taught him various computer hacking techniques, enough that he could stay alert. And she had not really been soft with him, even authoritarian. But part of him, the child who had lost both parents had found a maternal figure in her. She was the one who saved them after all. She could very well have left them at the mercy of the men pursuing her.

Instead she took them with her to give them a whole new life.

So he could not really stop wanting to receive a call or even a simple message to hear from her. He knew there was another person. Someone she had talked to regularly. She called him Barnes and obviously he was not really happy with their inclusion. Nevertheless, she had repeatedly pleaded for their cause.

_How did he know? maybe he'd been a little more devious than allowed and spied on her. He was almost certain he had been careful enough but part of him could never be sure. He was only the student after all and she was the master. He still had a long way to go before surpassing her._

With a sigh he tucked his phone back into the pocket of his jeans-again-before to readjust his grip on the market bags in his arms. He climbed the few dilapidated stairs separating him from their little apartment. It was an apartment left abandoned because of the war currently raging in the country. It was not the best place to live but it was always better than their life in Romania.

For a long time, Stefan thought he could not continue this life with his little brother. Part of him had even thought of entrusting Sebastian to strangers to continue living his life. He was just a teenager after all. He was just sixteen last month. And for the first time in his life, Dana had given him a cake and a gift. It was something so strange and yet it meant everything to him.

So he could not be more grateful for not denouncing her that day. Not that he would have been capable enough at that time. Now, with his experience and the learning Dana had given him, he could probably challenge anyone.

She had even offered him home classes. She said that a good education was necessary to deceive the enemy. It was not a traditional teaching but it was even better in his eyes. Militarized education with courses in self-defense, rigor, hacking and weapons training were the dream of any teenager. Especially with the Avengers showing the example.

But he knew it was more than she had offered him. She had given him a way to survive. A way to blend in and stay out of the radar. A way to defend yourself without it. And even though he did not think he was nearly as good as she was, she seemed to have more confidence in him and his abilities.

_That had to be why she was gone after all? Right?_

In any case, he had made sure to continue the lessons she had given him. He had even included Sebastian in some. He knew he was just a kid, but he had to grow faster than necessary, long before Dana came into their lives.

Unfortunately, Sebastian would have to learn faster than necessary. He might not be able to always be there for him. Besides, as Dana had taught him, he had already laid out a plan in case of his disappearance. He had forced Sebastian for days to memorize the necessary reflexes in case of his prolonged absence. He had called it Operation Teddy. Simply because the teddy bear, he owned was a gift from Dana. It was a pretty simple plan for him to be able to run despite his six years.

_Find a phone. Stay hidden in the hatch. To dial the number, he had taught him by heart. Say he was gone and ask for help before hanging up. Then he had only to wait until she came looking for him. In no case should he get out of the hatch._

As he reached the floor where their apartment was, Stefan could not help taking in his surroundings as Dana had taught him. He remained on his guard as he walked to the door of the apartment before hitting four special knocks against the door to warn Sebastian of his identity. Another system that Dana had put in place to ensure their safety.

_**10-**_He turned the key in the lock by pushing the door to enter. Without surprised; he was greeted by silence as he entered the apartment. _**8-**_He went on without a word simply to test his own little brother. It was a part of his life now, he could not feel guilty for testing Sebastian if that would ensure their survival.

_**5-**_Finally, he entered the ridiculous little kitchen in a separate room in the living room. _**4-**_He put the bags of the market on the small table lying against the wall before casting a new glance over his shoulder. He finishes the countdown in his head before leaving a proud smile on his lips as Sebastian timidly made his way into the kitchen entrance.

"Hey, kiddo." He greeted as he began to tidy up the shopping while giving a look at his little brother. "Something happened during my absence ?"

"Nu. Doar-**(No. Just-)**"

"In Ukrainian, Sebbie. Or English if you want." He interrupted with a sharp look as a reprimand.

The little blonde made a slight pout before sitting on one of the chairs. "But I hate English."

"I hate to speak English." Stefan corrected himself before leaning against the oven, shrugging his shoulders. "You only have to speak Ukrainian then."

"Too hard." Sebastian snorted, turning his head from side to side with a pout.

Stefan gave a small, amused smile at the sight of his familiar expression before stepping forward to retrieve a small packet of candy. Sebastian's eyes lit up almost instantly as Stefan shook his head, rubbing his hand in his blond curls. "Here. Don't eat everything."

"Yeah! Thank you !" Sebastian exclaimed in perfect English before leaving the kitchen running in excitement.

Once again, Stefan found himself shaking his head with a small smirk on his little brother's antiques.

Unfortunately, their little moment of peace was soon interrupted. Stefan tensed almost immediately at the agreement of blows against the door. However, it was before he immediately turned his head toward the entrance of the kitchen in anticipation. He could feel the adrenaline slacking down his veins as he walked slowly out of the kitchen before heading into the living room. Sebastian seemed barely aware of the situation as he continued to watch his animated cartoon chewing on a ball of chewing gum.

Stefan narrowed his lips in disapproval at the sight before quickly remembering the situation by hand. He walked to the door with a slow, slightly nervous step before stopping in front of the door, holding his breath. He squeezed and threw his fists at his side in nervousness.

No matter how much he had repeated this kind of situation with Dana, he could not really help feeling a slight fear settling down his veins.  
Worse still, it was not long before he jumped as a new blow resonated against the smooth surface.

He took a deep breath before moving slowly to the locks on the door. He turned both locks before making sure to keep the chain safe.  
Recalling Dana's teachings, he only opened the door until the chain blocked him.

What he saw in front of him did not help his nervous nerves. He swallowed at the sight of the three men in dark behind the door. They wore neutral clothes like the ones Dana had taught them to wear. One had bald head and rather unkempt facies, a dark beard covering the lower part of his face and another, the one flanking the man's side just in front of Stefan was red and seemed quite muscular. Another point that had the gift of making him uncomfortable.

Finally, his gaze focused on the man with the monocle standing right in front of him, he seemed strangely smiling for a man with a blue eye as cold and emotionless. Even his smile seemed wrong.

"Привіт молодий чоловік. Я барон Фон Струкер.** (Hello young man. I'm Baron Von Strucker)**" He greeted in a perfect Ukrainian accent forcing him to restrain himself from swallowing. "Ваша мама вдома? **(Is your mom at home?)**"

At the mention of a mother, it was all that was needed for Stefan to realize that it was the moment. What he had dreaded during the last two months was finally right under his eyes.

Controlling the fear and anguish spouting down his chest, Stefan tried to act exactly as Dana had taught him. He smirked before shaking his head while mumbling an apology for his inability to understand in a poor Ukrainian forced. He did not even give them time to go up as he closed the door in their faces before starting immediately. He already knew he was made like a rat. The only plan to follow was to put his little brother in the shelter.

"Sebastian!" He exclaimed, rushing through the hallway before stopping in the living room just as more fierce and impatient blows sounded against the door.

The voice of the man with the monocle sounded again behind only it seemed much colder and teases. Almost as if he was enjoying the situation. As if teasing his prey and in this case, he and Sebastian were the prey.

"Brother? What's going on- "

"We don't have time for that." Stefan barked grabbing his little T-shirt in his fist before pulling him into the living room. He ignored Sebastian's incessant questions reluctantly as he opened the hatch before suddenly straightening up, giving a frightened glance at the cracking wood."Do you remember what was repeated?"

Tears hastened to Sebastian's eyes as he realized what was happening before squeezing the little bear in his arms."Dana ... where is Dana? "

"You must call her. Only when you are alone." Stefan ordered as more blows were heard on the door in addition to the crackling of the wood.

It was only a matter of time now. He immediately turned to Sebastian before taking matters into his own hands. He hugged him tightly in one last hug before trying to ignore the swirling emotions inside him as he laid Seb inside the hatch. He grabbed the lid, giving one last look at his little brother's childish face, his only family before squeezing his hold on the wood as he heard the threatening door give way.

"Please, stay hidden." He begged in a last wish before closing the hatch on the frightened face of his little brother.

Despite the difficulty of the situation, he tried to remember Dana's cold, detached words. He must not lose the face. He had to keep his little brother safe at all costs. So, he must be agitated if he wanted to keep these men away.

Reacting at the moment, he rushed outside the living room just to make a sudden pause as the door finally gave way out of the hinges. He widened his eyes as the two henchmen of the man with the monocle entered suddenly in the frame. They stared at him impassively as if they did not feel an ounce of emotion at the thought of hurting him. And he knew they probably had no problem with that.

He squeezed his teeth as he tried to ignore the fear before straightening up, clenching his fists at his side in anticipation.

Just like that, the man with the monocle ordered his henchmen to catch him.

Despite the many hours of training with Dana, he was not really tall enough to treat both adult men at once. Nevertheless, that did not prevent him from putting up a real fight. He immediately grabbed the first thing in his path and immediately swung the lamp at the first man rushing at him. He batted the lamp away, snatching hold of it and wrenching it from his hand. As he did, Stefan's muscles were already coiling to make a run for it.

But before he could even take at the first step, a large hand was closing around his upper arm, the grip painfully tight as the other man yanked him almost off his feet as he pulled him closer to him. With a dull, cracking thud, the lamp fell to the floor.

No matter how much he dragged his feet to the ground or even struggled against their embrace, Stefan was rendered helpless once the other man grabbed his other arm. Realizing that his fate was sealed, he gave one last look at the hatch on the floor in a burst of emotion before casting a look of disgust and pure hate on the man with the monocle.

He was completely silent as he met his cold gaze and tried to ignore every part of him forcing him to scream. Instead, he narrowed his lips in a thin line to show his determination.

"Ти будеш дуже корисним, юнак. У нас ще не було тестового предмета, який молодий.** (You'll be very useful, young man. We have not had a test subject that young yet.)**"The baron proudly announced with a sick smile that made him want to throw up."Простий факт, що ти збираєшся вести нас прямо до солдата-зими та його маленького напарника, - це лише обмерзання на торті. **(The simple fact that you're going to lead us straight to the winter soldier and his little sidekick is just the icing on the cake.)**"

His heart drummed in his chest at his words only he felt a new surge of hatred at the mention of his mentor, the woman who had helped him and his little brother, who had lifted them out of poverty to give them an education and a goal.

Reacting to instinct, he gathered as much saliva as he could handle in his mouth before taking a step back to spit in his face. With a satisfied and vile smile, he watched as his saliva touched the unique glass of his monocle before sliding down his cheek.

Obviously, one of the henchmen hastened to punish him for that but it was definitely worth it. However, he definitely did not expect to see the baron reach for his saliva before looking at his finger with an almost fascinated air.

A scary smile soon bowed his lips as he looked back at him almost amused."Take him away."

Every instinct in Stefan screamed to resist, but as they tugged him down the stairs, he forces himself to hold off, he knew that he had managed to protect Sebastian and it was enough for him. He could be kidnapped if his little brother was safe. He simply hoped that he would succeed in contacting Dana as they had repeated many times.

At the mere thought of his mentor, he could almost feel a new instinct of fighting spirit. He knew he could not let them take hold of him without a fight. It was not what she had taught him.

He tried to slow his erratic heartbeat as they soon reached the exit of the building. A huge black SUV waiting for them outside. He could hear the men talking to each other as the baron passed them to get into the SUV. The mere sight of the baron seemed to reassure the goons holding him, he could feel their grip loosening slightly and the tension across their shoulders loosening.

_It was what he'd been waiting for._

With a sharp jerk, Stefan had twisted himself free from one grip and, turning under the second guy's arm, whirled to slam a hard kick into the back of his knee before using all of his weight to shove him into the wall of the SUV.

In a heartbeat he was free of both of them, spinning to land a hard knee to the first guy's sternum. With a wheeze, he doubled over. He was already turning back to the second guy again, landing a dazing kick across his face.

Taking a sudden step back, keeping his guard of points raised, he controlled his chest rising and falling quickly under the effort before immediately raising his eyes on the baron inside the vehicle. The latter hardly seemed to shake by the turn of events. On the contrary, he seemed totally amazed by his fighting spirit if he believed the smile on his lips.

However, his eyes darkened again as he ordered his henchmen to get up. The first guy had recovered enough to come at him again. Around him, his would-be kidnappers were starting to growl and bark at each other's.

Dodging out the way before lashing out with another sharp kick, he held off the first guy long enough to duck past the second's second attempt to grab him, making another bid to escape.

Unfortunately, he soon felt overwhelmed and before he could fully realize it, he felt the fist of the first guy hit his jaw with full force. He limped a few steps back in shock before feeling the blood gathering on his tongue. He immediately wiped his lips away from his hand before returning his eyes to his opponents. Eye contact was the most important thing.

However, it was well before hearing a sudden detonation followed closely by a dizzying sting in the muscle of his thigh. He staggered to his feet as he felt a new pressure coursing down his thigh before lowering his eyes to examine the new foreign body. At the sight of a kind of syringe protruding from his jeans, he felt his breath accelerate in panic as he realized the magnitude of the situation.

He could already feel the sudden wave of dizziness that threatened to disorient him. Standing up and alert seemed suddenly to become a kind of fight in itself. Something was wrong. Very wrong.

Blinking rapidly to try and clear his suddenly fuzzy head, he lashed out again at the shape he saw coming at him out of the corner of his eye. But his hours-months…of training were beginning to devolve as his limbs no longer seemed to be doing quite what he wanted them to.

It wasn't enough as one of them grabbed at him again, one hand clenched around his wrist as the other locked around his waist. The haze beginning to seep across his senses was beginning to grow stronger, but he wasn't about to give up.

_He needed to get away. He had to! _

With a snarl, the first guy jerked him around, landing a hard blow against the side of his head. He struggled more against the falling asleep threatening to grab his body before falling heavily against his assailant as he tried again to catch a glimpse of the man with the monocle. The latter seemed to revel in his helplessness as he supported eye contact with a broad smile.

The sight of the van getting closer and closer was the only thing he could see before finally succumbing to unconsciousness.


End file.
